Trump Pardons Peas, Carrots, And Saudi Arabia

In addition to turkeys, Thanksgiving at the White House also means pardons for some very guilty Saudi Arabian leaders.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@censusgary]

“This is really damaging ... if anything mattered anymore.” Once again, you’ve nailed it, Stephen.

[@robertnett9793]

Wasn't that basically the reason he wanted Hillary Clinton sentenced for?

[@depressedgaysassyitalianre5748]

Robert Nett most definitely he did, and the rest of the GOP including many independents and democrats honestly. I’m not saying I know exactly what Hillary did or that I want her in jail but most people don’t hire a computer tech to bleach bit 33,000 emails and smash their own personal email server and their phone devices while they are under investigation for their emails on the aforementioned server. Mind you she did this all while her emails were under subpoena and had all of her employees plead the fifth or seek immunity deals.

[@royalzak2670]

Yeah remember when they prosecuted Hillary for rigging the DNC and deleting thousands of classified emails on a private server...oh wait. Stop acting like the rule of law was fairly applied before Trump got into office. Stephen didn't nail anything.

[@hazukichanx408]

+Royal Zak - Can we just agree that both sides, Democrats and Republicans alike, need to just sit down and have a long, uncomfortable conversation with their parents?^^

[@crimsonblade25]

Royal Zak and the republicans deleted millions of emails about the Iraq war. Oh and Hilary got the questions in advance but that’s not really rigging the election

[@12x2richter]

At least he's willing to give Peas a chance

[@lunaazule1899]

lol..good one!

[@philipkinney8672]

Cry for the United States

[@joannbowden6220]

We all do everyday. At least, those of us with any sense!

[@RIXRADvidz]

have some compassion but have no pity, Americans let MuriKKKa rise up and vote in it's figure head of apex success, the MAGA Cult have been watching TrumptyDumpty in the tabloids since the 1970's and they think he's the SuperRich PlayBoy every man dreams of being, that's the anthropoid hominid troglodyte MAGA Cult not homo sapiens sapiens.

[@samwatkins7689]

I think we will be fine bud. It’s one man, we have the largest military and economy... save your prayers

[@Morgformer]

@@samwatkins7689 Large economy doesn't mean anything to those on the bottom. Just ask China.

[@staceykersting705]

@ioana ilea He doesn't have anyone on his side...just corporate affiliates and those at the shallow end of the gene pool.

[@joshuascholar3220]

Also, as hard as it is to listen to the senile, demented president, did you all notice that he got confused about how many turkeys he was talking about?

[@davidb6576]

I have to skip over the faux-Prez every time he shows up in these videos, the sight of him actually makes me sick.

[@civil_villain]

Ahhh Trump. Always upholding traditions in November. Except maybe honoring the military...

[@CyberDocUSA]

"It's so beautiful. If it weren't my dinner I'd date it." Priceless. :-)

[@kortofromayan6187]

ᙅYᙖᙓᖇ ᗪOᙅ™ it’s priceless 🤣

[@CyberDocUSA]

@@kortofromayan6187Colbert's my fave.

[@jasminaalm]

Humping anything with religious music, flags, turkeys. Lucky Ivanka.

[@jasminaalm]

Little cream on your chin, Donnie Tiny Hinds ?

[@lindaleelaw5277]

Circle of Life. mine next, hope not

[@HopskotchBunny]

When Stephen speaks with a Southern drawl, it is among my most favorite things. There are so many things to admire about this gifted man. He is just so effin funny.

[@mehjones8008]

Crazy shit going on

[@CloudsGirl7]

"I've never seen such a beautiful turkey." Here we go, back to the bestiality... First calling stormy "horseface", now this... Let's get a bodyguard for those birds.

[@teamla1047]

you know, bestiality seems to be a republican thing. Look up Neal Horsley. Eeee yore! Eee yore!

[@dapeach06]

I mean, he's already into incest...

[@BrytheP]

the birds would just laugh at his toadstool anyway lol

[@steveshlongo2277]

How about Trump's pardon of Saudi Arabia on Yemen... again.

[@nathanjamesbaker]

Colbert helps me survive the daily crises coming from the Dumpster Fire formerly known as the White House.

[@brianallen9810]

The annual turkey pardoning, how can you screw that up. But he did.

[@mikrichie6662]

Im sure Trump expects loyalty from these birds after their pardoned.

[@AdiAbhisPapa]

I am gonna have a hard time figuring out now when Trump supporters chant "Lock her up" who are they talking about.

[@catlaw1997]

Thank you, Stephen Colbert!

[@hermanhelmich]

We’re laughing our heads off people But isn’t it a tragedy? We’re completely numb There’s no shock There’s no uproar Just a hysterical laugh ... We’re basicly caught in the game, staring in the head lights

[@penelopehunt2371]

What a sick society. Cruel, sick people. Thanksgiving for whom? Certainly not the Native American

[@krejer14]

Thank you Stephen. U deliverd perfeckt

[@stevebeckerman4214]

Love it!

[@peterbollinger8902]

It's so beautiful. LOL. Good Turkey jokes.

[@hawaiianryan1890]

I love the technical explanation at 5:41 including "we live in a quantum state of flux, where time and matter coexist in inter-dimensional plasma in which all possible paths and futures simultaneously manifest on the space-time continuum". It reminds me of the monologues that Mulder used to give on The X-Files.

[@StevenTorrey]

"I'm more articulate in five languages than he is in one language..." Malania

[@everythingiseverything9920]

There's a 99,99% chance that I love Stephen in every layer of the quantum multiverse.

[@MrStarSparkz]

Isn't the lucky turkey standing next to Trump, waiting to be pardoned? "Donaaaald can I go now? Am I free now?"

[@61lastchild]

This really is the best job Trump is qualified to do...he looks so happy and in his element. Circus entertainment... But one has to question if these birds commited a felony...since he's pardoning them...

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

Good thing they were named Peas and Carrots. Trump hates Coleslaw

[@snagh]

They should have added another turkey and called it Trump , and leave it to America to decide .

[@crandall777]

How did this family get to the white house? I mean seriously wtf

[@daviddoughton5938]

He pardoned the turkeys? Who did they kill?

[@misstracy9296]

That was funny

[@BigA207]

I will name our turkey Broccoli, the Legendary Super Turkey! He really hates Carrot!

[@onedeep4643]

America was never great for being selfish and greedy.. America has always been great for making the right decisions... America has always tried to make not just America, but the entire world great. To protect the children and maintain peace, that's America. I am heart broken to see what we've becomed.

[@PetroicaRodinogaster264]

one deep, if being great means you are a bully, then The USA is great. If being great means being kind, generous and peaceful then you all failed miserably. You will never be great again because you were never great in the first fucking place! Just one point... Why do you call yourselves Americans. America is a continent, Canada is in America too but they call themselves Canadians. So is Mexico, Brazil, Peru etc. You should get your own fucking name. I am not a Muslim but I can understand why they hate you all. I hate you too.

[@SixDeadMice]

The US has never been great, they've been a warmongering country from the inception of the nation... You only get involved in world issues if it can benefit or affect you. Case in point WW2 Mr good guys... Canada was fighting that war a long time before our southern "brothers" got involved... btw your welcome for the help on the Korean war... we we're the only ones to help you guys there and now your country is repaying us by bullying us with tarrifs. Oh yeah GJ being the only country to abuse NATO and sending all NATO countries to war against the middle East about 2 decades ago for your stupid oil war. AMERICA HAS ALWAY BEEN A NATION OF JACKASSES.

[@TBONESIDEOFLIFE]

Just hearing Trump say "peas" brought on a trigger word flashback.

[@ImranSahir1]

Quantum physics part toward the end though. Love you, Stephen.

[@corcon6976]

Actually, cancelling the sales with SA wouldn't mean that China and Russia could immediately swoop in and take our place. There are countless pieces of equipment and munitions that only the US can provide support for. It would take many years of work between SA and any other country to build up an arms trade.

[@carnigeeballs]

I'm surprised the turkeys names weren't Paul and Manafort.

[@akshayraj5291]

Nearly explained ‘relativity’ , perfect !

[@powelllanguages6528]

What´s all the fuss about? The president has been pardoning turkeys for quite some time, now.

[@MyBallsRBest]

Good monologue dude! Back to your best Stephen...ended with some serious undertones on the value of life to Trump....

[@d.michaelmcbridedc1082]

So true nothing matters any more thanks be that we can still joke, laugh and cry about it.

[@Pens724]

This is surprising that he did this. It's a long standing presidential tradition to pardon the turkey, guess that whole ceremony thing at Arlington wasn't such a tradition.

[@mrbenoit5018]

In this picture, there is a turkey... and a bird.

[@mr.t.c2768]

Emails not a big deal !!! So if are not a big deal maybe the public can see them ? ...

[@SuperRamon77777]

Yeah I don't think them words have ever been in Donald Trump's vocabulary 😎⚽😎🤘🤘🤘

[@TheFlyinMayan]

Lol he said Ms. Trump. Isn't she married to Kushner? Shouldn't it be Mrs. Kushner, or Mrs Trump-Kushner?

[@luinthoronytb]

And, of course, the turkeys were white.

[@pbrucpaul]

Trump: " And I also want to pardon ME!"

[@couragekarnga8735]

I would love to see Trump get called out for all the absolutely horrible things he says.

[@JJAngleton]

Pardon for peas... If you mumble it, it sounds somehow wet...

[@bruins4rent213]

Trump telling a joke: "What do you call one murdered journalist? A good start!"

[@mydlink5755]

He sounds jealous that the Turkey has a presidential pardon that he wants for himself!

[@mariaz3789]

Peas and carrots and cards

[@anthonybeaudry1547]

peas taste like crap, save the carrots

[@greg2spook]

CRTV Ad Right before this was disgusting

[@mhddirchankirmy8660]

2:54 😂 😆 😝 I’m dead

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

Trump Ralliers: LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! Me: BE MORE SPECIFIC! BE MORE SPECIFIC! BE MORE SPECIFIC!

[@kiernanbishop4617]

Wowza COHN JOB!

[@Skhmt]

Peas and carrots? Is Trump summoning the Super Divine Dragon??

[@yj9032]

Notice that Stephen slipped into the southern accent in the beginning

[@lanapowell]

if you're talking about "Cranberry fevah (fever)" that's a Christopher Walken impression. (("I've got a fevah...and the only cure...is more cowbell"))

[@g_man2177]

He named them peas and carrots so that he wouldn't eat them since he doesn't eat vegetables anyway.

[@MrDrakonite]

I'm shocked Trump would, I thought he is saving his pardoning for himself.

[@jonerickson2358]

The turkey, Peas. Kind of obsessed with animals peeing?? What about women?? "And what about her e-mails?????"

[@prashant3286]

So there is some sort of a facility to train 50 turkeys constantly from birth so that 1 may be chosen every year to spend a little while in the spotlight? How much money is all that involve?

[@TheRogueWolf]

Well, now we know the price of American ideals and basic human decency.

[@DaaSaa-lt3is]

for one trump pardon a none criminal living thing.

[@thelastofthelemmings6279]

This is so hunger games.

[@thedonald011]

yea but most of that $450 billion will go to defense contractors who would've been paid regardless since we have a $800 billion "budget"....

[@TheCstar07]

Does Trump not know what Alter ego means?

[@deborahchinn2439]

It appears the evil queen of the castle, Melanie, ( according to her husband ), has decided to come out of her Ivory Tower to wield her limited power!....who ya gonna fire today, oh mighty, evil queen?!

[@ursaltydog]

Was he jealous that the turkey gets a pardon and that he may not?

[@spursgog835]

Smells like the petrodollar to me and its 45 billion dollars!

[@arthurwatts1680]

Lock her up, lock her up !

[@MG-ok2bn]

yes donald dump lock up your own daughter maybe you can share a cell with her

[@arthurwatts1680]

@@MG-ok2bn I dont think he'd be completely horrified at the prospect as long as they didnt have to anywhere near gen pop.

[@alexlandherr]

At 5:45, did Trump channel Niels Bohr to talk about the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics?

[@himanshushekhar9200]

Next they came for my soul with bagful of money and I say Thank You

[@giorgiaciuti938]

Lock 🔐 him up...

[@SuperLeica1]

Turkey and Saudi, for some it ain´t easy to sort it all out.

[@theharlequin7280]

Why is the soviet woman wearing a cubist painting?

[@boomerang8909]

It's a shame the journalist who applied for US residency to be involved in politics got this in return. If that loner at the top does not want to pursue justice for the murder so to continue business with the victim's kingdom, one would argue it's blood money given the trade is firearms and other weapons.

[@remcat3572]

he did.

[@frankboff1260]

Trumps next reality tv show ‘my 600-lb life’

[@graham982]

Show us the Peas Tape Donny

[@JesseMartinez-cm7tl]

Ha they made a joke out of a joke.

[@golden4730]

That dating joke

[@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing]

Should have had Peas & Carrots fight to the death, instead. And we eat the loser. SURVIVAL OF THE LEAST DELICIOUS!

[@brianremington6049]

So, the arms deal with Saud Arabia is potentially the largest sale of arms in us history. SA has to commit the most money the Blackstone Group (ceo is on trump advisory team) has seen at once just to be eligible to buy all those tanks/ships/missile defense systems. The Obama took a similar deal under review after SA started bombing civilians in Yemen - yes, that Obama administration. This was the deal where Saudi Arabia was involved with Jared Kushner when those comments were made about the Koosh’s naïveté in international trade. All to protect us from Iran after we pulled out of the treaty that would have got us nuclear inspectors in Iran anyway. I guess we wanted to make sure the people who actually attacked the US were really well armed as well.

[@tapiwajames341]

Americans are quick to Judge world leaders in history Trump is right to not rush into things

[@nathanrileyschulz5862]

Mr jelly jar is bac I mean back

[@dylucreg8833]

The peas and carrots probably came from Russia.

[@DepressionVarietyVlog]

The secret part?

[@7mood4ever1]

More about Saudi please xD

[@lacountess]

Is there any low Trump would not sink to?

[@antegotovina4952]

Cobert missed out on some serious jokes. The fact the murder happened in Turkey is only one of them...so Trump had no choice but to pardon the Saudis.

[@alexlandherr]

At 3:30, how much of the Clintons incidents is the Trumps going to repeat?

[@AJ-ut8cz]

Trump doesn't even know what quantum means.

[@michaelwalker6503]

why does Trump like Dictators, remember what people do when Kim speaks.

[@Cobalt360Degrees]

Jesus christ. Trump: "Y'all journalists lives don't matter, any one of you can die as long as your killers are paying us enough. Happy Thanksgiving."

[@IMSiegfried]

I wish this wasn't true but it is ::Sigh::

[@deliciousful]

paying ME enough.

[@jessstuart7495]

This is the kind of crap that happens when you have a President that has not divested from foreign business entanglements.

[@Enzorgullochapin]

The Devil’s Triangle.......MBS, Trump, Netanyahu.

[@IMSiegfried]

Good point,@@jessstuart7495. There's so many things wrong with this presidency it's easy to forget some of the most basic ones that have been there from the very beginning. :-/

[@TheKathryn79]

Honestly, Turkeys and Tiaras sounds like a better show than that one on Fox news that's been airing since 2016. What's it called? The Trump Administration?

[@IMSiegfried]

Lol! Sad but true.

[@livinginvancouverbc2247]

Lacy Gorman You're right. Voter apathy helped make Trump president. Now those non-voters are crying. By the way, what are walnut lessons?

[@tejinderchahal1838]

I wouldn't mind watching Turkeys and Tiaras rather than watching Trump rambling like a turkey a human turkey that is. 😂😂

[@becsterbrisbane6275]

Trump & Friends?

[@Hellheart]

Thank god that horrible show got cancelled. The series finale was goddamn intense, though.

[@malayagr]

When he said, "Abraham Lincoln, Honest Abe," I cringed. It seems so wrong coming out of this buffoon's mouth.

[@jayyyzeee6409]

"Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace."

[@samsonian]

Well, to be honest...everything Bonespurtram Forbespankle says sounds ‘so wrong’.

[@johnapple6646]

My eyes cringed so hard they sowed themselves shut

[@theresajackson1046]

To be fair, I'm sure he vomited a bit in his mouth over the word 'honest'.

[@robertnett9793]

@@jayyyzeee6409 : Sorry for my utter lack of respect for history - but I am the only one who get's images of hordes of wildlings led by Cieran Hinds by this line?

[@penpal141]

"First they came for the journalists and I said nothing"

[@QuantumBraced]

We slaughter 50 million turkeys every Thanksgiving, but we do pardon 2. Are we not merciful.

[@Johnny-rx4hs]

We only do that for turkeys too, chickens don't even get that.

[@damoncarrawell2906]

QuantumBraced kind of like that they did to Native Americans in a way

[@Montesama314]

"In an infinite multiverse..." Okay, that writer needs an award.

[@makesmefeellikeatalltree8250]

best quietly stated comment Stephen made. almost missed it.

[@cestmoi1796]

@@makesmefeellikeatalltree8250 i did miss it. Thanks

[@peterzweers4824]

maybe watch a bit more Rick & Morty

[@vulcanswork]

Agree:)

[@tubularap]

5:40 -- Agree, that "genius-rant-of-our-existence" was some writer's fine work of art. As well as Stephen's delivery.