Trump Will 'Definitely' Declare A National Emergency, 'Probably'

[@NewMessage]

I knew it. He's finally standing on the lawn, shaking his fist at 'crazy young people'.

[@Lucius1958]

*"Get Off Your Lawn, Whippersnappers!"*

[@not_enoughmana]

And clouds.

[@cisco8650]

Reminds of the the "old man yells at cloud" Simpsons' meme.

[@janedodd8291]

It takes a crazy to know a crazy

[@boughtbot2639]

Hahahaha

[@andrewjohnson6716]

When he says "lawyers tell me" or "people tell me" or "I looked into and" these are all code for he's saying whatever is popping into his head right at that moment.

[@penguin12902]

Or: "I heard it on Fox and Friends" and I believed it!

[@misslanapford9169]

Poor America.. I just want to give you a big hug and say it will be Ok. I feel sooooo sorry for all those people who foolishly believe the blatant lies that he tells and then subsequently gets caught doing so. Especially when it's recorded proof...

[@marofontaine5307]

Thank you for the love,Lana😘

[@misslanapford9169]

@@marofontaine5307 Thank you for your reply.. it's not easy to watch sometimes.. the man is in his 70s and behaves like he has no common sense, either that or he just don't care that is actually on record and constantly having to correct him. Telling you just lied....

[@eversomellow2538]

Obviously you arent aware of the lies of shummer, pelosi, the clintons(i could go on)

[@misslanapford9169]

@@eversomellow2538 U seriously telling me there worse than trump. He's the President of the United States.. The whole entire planet can see the way he behaves..

[@chrissiek8706]

@@eversomellow2538 please, GO on!

[@promiseemeka2135]

What if Mexico decides to build stairs on their side of the wall?

[@ktbon231]

Funny, but ingenious.

[@alisaortiz1905]

They should

[@analicona157]

Never thought of it, they really could!!!

[@AnimeChaos10]

Stairs what are stairs...? Oh they take you up? WRONG! Elevators do. Your fake news! :P

[@richardwhite688]

Fucking great question. Let's hope Fox News thinks of it, or sees your comment and talks about it on the news. That will worry tRump. Hahahahaha.

[@faceoff3315]

*Make America great again Impeach Donald J Trump and Mike Pence from Office*

[@topsypart2880]

Yes a two fer

[@kimberlys8422]

Kill it with fire. I mean them.

[@Rayber5901]

This is a problem. Mike Pence is a hard core neo Nazi. He even looks like one. He is a hard core racist with a long history . He is very smart. The hard core RICH WHITE RIGHT support him. Trump is a bumbling idiot. He's screwed so many people but money and the power of money protects him. Pence is a snake. He scares me. MONEY pays for all of this. Take the money away. Do away with Citizen united. Don't let corporation buy our leaders. Punish those who try. Punish those who take the money. MEGA fines, not just little slap on the wrist fines. Get a $1000 illegally.. fine them a million. Jail is a joke. FInes .MEGA fines Millions of dollars to Medicare , social security.. universal health care .. F them if you agree [e-mail].. if not so what..

[@BeeWhistler]

George Lewis I'll settle for making America just okay again.

[@arx3516]

@@Rayber5901 just make lobbyng a criminal offence like in all other democratic countries.

[@mdudegamer]

I'm still incensed at that reporter who brought up the possibility of declaring a national emergency. Not as incensed as I am at those Fox News people who nagged Trump into shutting down the government by insisting it'd be cowardly to do otherwise, but still pretty ticked.

[@christopherbland5774]

The reporter Must be the new Commander in chief better than Hannity or Ingram

[@robertrijkers4923]

I have the right to do it.... I may do it...probably I will do it... I would allmost say definately 'do it'..... worst Nike commercial ever

[@Hhelms12]

bahahahaha

[@tatumhalligan9177]

actually me abt exercise

[@bom_basti_sch]

OMG it hurts when you have to listen to Trump... Only two more years, we feel with you America Greetings from Germany

[@commanderuseless1685]

It really does hurt. Greetings from Sweden (insert ignorant comment about our immigration here)

[@Notadragon621]

Save us :(

[@BG-wh5oc]

😭😭😭 Save us!

[@bulbasaur001]

Thanks for your sympathy.

[@backyardbuck6362]

you mean 6 more years

[@sw_fit50s]

What happened to the last caravan? This is beyond a joke. This is a smoke screen for individual one as we are all talking about this now instead of his indictment

[@_Muzolf]

Do you mean impeachment? Because i doubt he is afraid of that, considering that you need a senate majority for that to actually do anything.

[@hughjarrse]

@@_Muzolf well we'll have to see what the mood is like once Mr Cohen starts talking, people in power might start distancing themselves

[@abhiwankenobi7172]

"I didn't rant..." *Continues to rant for 2 more minutes*

[@optimisticwhovian1726]

Yeh this is the same man who says everyone loves him then sulks as soon as the media don't report positive things about him. The guy's ego is as fragile as China Porcelain.

[@russellcampbell9198]

Love it. It's peachy dory.

[@floridaflyfishing3457]

The real crisis is that 1 in 5 of our fellow Americans cannot afford the prescription drugs they need another crisis is that 78% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck and almost half don't have $400 in savings if they had an emergency.

[@brainflash1]

78% living paycheck to paycheck seems a little high if only half don't have $400 in savings.

[@PaleGhost69]

@@brainflash1 you can be living paycheck to paycheck with a few hundred in savings for car or medical expenses. It's almost impossible to let the Money build up before something calls to collect it.

[@T-P.]

The real crises is how the American government works and even tho I hate trump I think he might be the storm to make us fix our roof

[@Galactis1]

Or food.

[@Galactis1]

I don't think I've ever had a savings in the 23 years I've been working.

[@skybasesolutions-patchmap4813]

Why doesn't everyone just start congratulating him on getting the Mexicans to pay for the wall. He won't know the difference and too narcissistic to ask questions.

[@Dayman90]

We're only started season 3 of this reality sh*tshow and already I'm waiting for the season finale....

[@sethbritton6970]

I'm wanting to skip and go straight to the final episode- the indictment chain that pulls all of Trumps stupid out of the political sphere, and into the prison complex.

[@kimberlys8422]

_series finale_

[@brandonshaw27]

hahaha

[@vicegt]

We haven even got to the season four twist were Ivanka is carring his child.

[@stevewise1656]

AJK90 sadly you’re right. Don’t know if our country can take two more years of this freak.

[@solidnem]

This is probably the first time The Late Show has ever uploaded a full video of the monologue instead of cutting it into two or three segments. Good job. Keep that up.

[@saveyourself6216]

Unbelievable this guy calls someone out saying that's a lie. Over 7000 lies in 2 years.

[@dt3280]

Michael Kelly is

[@RJLbwb]

It's not just he lies, he lies about such petty and pointless things. "They can't fly in,.. obviously" WTF?

[@jessicamoore5826]

I think through out our Nations History TRUMP will be the only President who said..."I did not throw a tantrum!" "I did not slam the table!" "I should've slammed the table!" End quote...How inspiring to our Nations youth....NOT!

[@thelexicon7294]

"I did not work for Russia!" really puts all previous presidential denials in perspective, doesn't it?

[@Arthiem]

He's not the sharpest hammer in the dishwasher. What I'm saying is it's okay he's not smart. Just that he's in the wrong place and is the wrong tool for the job.

[@RoninZulu]

Arthiem...he's a tool, period.

[@Excalibur-Sonic]

@@RoninZulu He's not the brightest bulb in the shed.

[@crayolacrayon4019]

Lol.... 😅.that comment really fits him.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍

[@Excalibur-Sonic]

@@RoninZulu He's not the sharpest crayon on tree.

[@emmanuelperez808]

Me being from texas not alot of people are happy that he is here

[@seanurbik2689]

I feel for you, felt the same when he was in California.

[@codyarcher3263]

Esspecially because he's planning on taking all the land along the border from whomever owns it

[@845835]

Any chance you can keep him?

[@spunz83ify]

Yea no shit, man named EMMANUEL PEREZZZZ

[@silversmoke6]

@@spunz83ify seriously?

[@NewMessage]

i'm all for Impeachy-dory.

[@jayzenitram9621]

Impeachy Donny

[@hrm087]

New Message I’m thinking impeaching and voting in Dory

[@Galactic_fart_sniffer]

@Octavius Chan wall isnt gonna do shit.

[@raes306]

Lol..👏👏👏

[@DrOrtmeyer]

Oh my God 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jackisears367]

Him NOT getting his way is NOT a "National Emergency "!

[@jmac46951]

"The buck stops with everybody" - With leadership like that...oh god we are so screwed.

[@kennyw871]

Even worse, there's a shortage of Vaseline. It's gonna be painful. And no, I don't want Donald to kiss me first!

[@milfordcivic6755]

Intelligence and truth stops with MAGAturds

[@SomeRandomJackAss]

So, basically, "Everything I do is not my fault." What a role model...

[@ajivins1]

@J Dial He meant Santa.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

In a representative republic, yes . The buck stops with the voters. It is always up to us.

[@sep69]

The wheel is older then the wall... My god guys how did you end up with this clown in charge of your country ?

[@411Adidas]

Lots of money exchanged hands and lots of stupid gullible people lol

[@TheTriad001]

I don't know how. I just know that I voted for the third party cabinet.

[@megamanx2293]

Russia, he is just a smoke screen, there are a lot of things that are moving behind the scenes.

[@AnthonyTobyEllenor-pi4jq]

They voted for him, don't you have voting in your country ??

[@sep69]

@@AnthonyTobyEllenor-pi4jq You are replying to a 5 year old comment on yt. You should get out more. There is more to life than reading the comment section of a 5 year video.

[@Gothangelik]

That Caravan dance is EVERYTHING! 🤣❤️

[@spaz1002]

Gothangelik that Caravan song is everything 👍

[@overtime94]

2 CARA! 2 VAN!

[@maconw35]

This man has lost his mind. Please Mueller stop this madness

[@lesliewolfe7643]

I love the caravan dance Stephen!

[@ThePolish2107]

Technologically speaking, a wheel is much more complex than a wall, a wall is any material that is stacked on itself that forms a barrier, people have been using their own and animal fecal matter to make such barriers, for a wheel, you need to have a basic knowledge of geometry. If you look at tribes (today) that are secluded from the world, many of them will have buildings, but not all have wheels. How hard is it to stack something, not that hard. Now how hard is it to carve a circle from a material, or cut a tree and fasten it to, lets say a cart, much more difficult, thus it would be logical to assume, walls came before wheels. So Trump's statement that wheels are older than walls, is very improbable.

[@Bookwright]

And in some ways you could argue that walls occurred prior to the time of men. Many animals build there own abodes with them.

[@lindafleming3907]

Trump said.. "the wheels been a round for a long time" It was a joke!

[@qwertyuiopaaaaaaa7]

And he ignores military history and the uses of walls since the prominence of gun powder and air travel. I mean, i guess I’m not surprised that he doesn’t know anything about history. Or anything.

[@danthetravelman9113]

This is correct, also it’s easier to understand the need or use of a wall or barrier. For instance, if there was a tribe living in a cave they could consider building a wall / door to keep the cave warmer while the need, use, and successful creation of a wheel would take additional trial and error.

[@dominicrrffger7486]

Linda Fleming just like trump

[@axirnindar4171]

He literally contradicted himself in the same sentence. "I never said that, and I didn't mean they'd write a check"

[@byLizee]

Axirn Indar he’s insane

[@Kamn_exe]

"During the campaign I said Mexico would pay for it, I never said that." DJWTFT

[@yaceya]

"I know all the latest technology" says the man that doesn't know how to operate an umbrella.

[@kevinkool3]

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

[@commanderuseless1685]

Obviously that particular piece of high-tech equipment is just too new and nobody fully understands it yet. Walls on the other hand...

[@yaceya]

Commander Useless properties of a wall were thoroughly studied only in the last few years - it was cement, solid and see through.

[@floydfan5993]

@yaceya, or a conference call office phone.

[@ccmarcum]

And don't forget, he ''knows all the words,'' too.

[@NewMessage]

".... a one time payment of 5 to 10 Billion.." Or, they can just shower him in gold. A golden shower, if you will.

[@dontmesswiththelopez]

I'm Mexican, we'll do it for a 6 pack of Coronas.

[@BeeWhistler]

Donut Frump LOLOL!!!

[@tsstevensts]

I dunno, Trump is already that much in debt to Putin, is something you can download free worth ten billion...allegedly. I don't know...allegedly.

[@mannys4539]

@@dontmesswiththelopez LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@msmeya5]

😂😂🤣🤣💀💀⚰⚰

[@ForeverMe543]

This baby has never been told no in his life, and when he does get told no he hears “go harder”. Which is why he’s been accused of rape.

[@Kalumbatsch]

Don't use that milquetoast language, he's a known rapist, period.

[@jaystacular]

Funny, except the Rio Grande Valley is not an empty space! Our valley is SAFE, beautiful, and it's my home! Trump wants to build his wall on private properties, nature parks, and land specifically for wildlife conservation. No one is taking about this. I commute to Mexico and back to the RGV regularly, and it's SAFE. Our border patrol is diligent and made up of incredible men, women, and K-9 teams. I agree with my local law enforcement in that better technology would be much more efficient and would keep us better equipped when protecting our borders. When you consider securing your house, do you only focus on finding a big, tough, steel lock for your door? Or do you install a security system? A system that uses TECHNOLOGY to analyze the weakest points of entry in your house and alerts, not only you, but the local authorities when your house is broken into. You can't just depend on shiny locks for your doors. We'll be better informed with eyes in the sky. Drones, seismic detectors, video surveillance towers, aerostats, satellite imaging - this is technology used today and it does more than any wall would.

[@357CLOUDY]

Yes! Wish the Democrats would go to the border and show America what and why of it all. A fact mission. Special report. Informed voters are best for stopping this madness.

[@peterpiper7441]

I keep wondering why is the word canine spelled K-9?

[@diwi1942]

357CLOUDY Black Feather The 30% of his base are not interested in facts. They are as clueless as trump and proud of it.

[@ecmarks438]

@@357CLOUDY why the hell don't the various news sources go the border and present an in depth series on how the current border security works. In fact why do we have 24/7 cable news that hold opinion fests instead of actual in depth reporting of social issues. With the slow death of newspapers and magazines that once did this reporting, there is now a huge void.

[@vernonbear]

If you’ve got K-9, have you got the Doctor too? Joking aside, you make your points both logically and reasonably, the President doesn’t understand that kind of talk. You’ve got to do it in a tweet, by shouting at him or with a short speech that appeals to his ego, logic has no place in Trump’s world.

[@laman012]

Get grandpa back in the dementia clinic.

[@maryrosekent8223]

laman012 Amen to that.

[@teddygingerbear1647]

Isn't it time for another yearly physical? Maybe this year with an honest physician who will initiate the proper referral for psychiatric exam.

[@4um360]

“I am the calmest person there has ever been. Believe me; no one is as calm as me.”

[@agiie615]

I keep reading these comments in Trumps accent 😂😂

[@adoxartist1258]

My college freshman daughter just watched this. She, like the rest of us, is dumbfounded, sputtering about what could possibly be wrong with Trump, then takes a deep breath and declares in astonished frustration, "The man is a MEME!"

[@chrissiek8706]

And not very original meme either 🙄

[@ZaxorVonSkyler]

He's getting senile!

[@newyorkpotioncastle]

Tell her Trump is funding CCS tech that fights climate change, that he signed a bill for it last year. This man is a hero!

[@aegontargaryen4758]

Adox Artist tell her to embrace trump he is making America great again.

[@ZaxorVonSkyler]

@@aegontargaryen4758 how? By playing golf and eating cheeseburgers all day while thosands of people are not getting paid because he wants his stupid wall???

[@berkpick]

Of course the wheel isn't older. Just think about which requires more difficult materials to make. You can make a wall out of sod (dirt and sticks) or unrefined tree branches. You need decent wood, stone, or metal working to get a worthwhile wheel and shelter is a much more pressing need than travel. OF COURSE THE WALL IS OLDER. But more importantly, when something is described as "medieval" it's not being called "old" it's being described as unenlightened and barbaric, which this specific wall idea is. It's not criticizing the aged concept of walls in general, it's calling this specific project stupid. I would insult Trump but then I'd have to write him an explanation of the insult.

[@Katzztar]

Trump claims he doesn't throw tantrums? We got it many, many times on TV.

[@aldenheterodyne2833]

I don't throw tantrums! I'm not bald! I don't use golden retriever pubes as a toupee! I'm naturally this orange, my mom just ate a lot of carrots when she was pregnant with me. I don't have tiny hands! I mean, my penis is 'uge! The biggest you've ever seen! It's a whole inch and a half long! Have you ever seen a penis as big as a Pinky? Did you know that most penises are the size of a human thumbnail? Also, that tape where I confessed to sexual assault (grab em by the pussy) was all jokes! I can't go to jail, I didn't collide with Russia, and I am definitely not gay for Putin, and I 100% did not send Putin a video of me with some prostitutes so that he would come ravish me in my hotel room, why are we talking about Putin? It's all fake news! You are all frauds for recording my words and playing them back in context so that the words that come out of my screeching asshole of a mouth sound really damning. FAKE NEWS MAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAA!

[@brakesforsnakes757]

@@aldenheterodyne2833 golden retriever pubes? I like where your head's at.

[@CloudsGirl7]

Throwing a tantrum over how he threw a tantrum. The most unruly baby would look at him, take the pacifier out of their mouth, and say "you're good." Then proceed to vomit on him.

[@cheungcampbell1780]

Asura Heterodyne Golden Retriever pubes😂😂😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👏😆😆😆

[@JunHijam]

A crazy person never thinks himself as a crazy person

[@jamesguidash9296]

._. You know we're in trouble when the seventy-something man in charge of the free world has to argue with reporters as to whether or not he had a temper tantrum.

[@peterpiper7441]

I DIDN'T HAVE A TEMPER TANTRUM!!!!!!

[@batintheattic7293]

Tee hee!

[@JynessaSwann]

@giftofgab247 troll

[@jamesguidash9296]

@giftofgab247 Diiiiiie.

[@akiras.3595]

@giftofgab247 Yeah, sure. They were not the president of the United states tho...

[@thandie67]

Almost 3 years in I am still asking how Trump happened.

[@jeanne8507]

Thandi M - It may feel like 3 years, but it’s “only” been 2 years. God help us.

[@f8ofk8]

Putin knows.

[@marshwetland3808]

Read Gwynne Dyer's analysis - populist strategy, appealing to the dumbest, loudest, most simplistic people. People who can't even perceive the narcissism, sociopathy, and dementia here.

[@AL-eg9rb]

U 2 Thandi M? I shake my head in disbelief every time I hear him talk or be on TV.

[@ALphaMach1ne]

Conservatives. They hate fairness, safety and logic. That’s how

[@bogdanfutera]

800 000 people without pay _ THAT'S national emergency mr trumpet

[@cjmacq-vg8um]

why don't the dems use this opportunity to impeach that jack ass. now's the PERFECT time! they should also investigate how much trump has invested in these companies contracted to build his unnecessary wall.

[@Tsukuyomi28]

@@cjmacq-vg8um the Senate probably wouldn't be ok with it

[@cjmacq-vg8um]

+Michael... its the house that has the authority to initiate and conduct impeachment proceedings. impeach. if it fails, impeach again. impeach, impeach, impeach. also, file criminal charges on top of the impeachment proceedings. trump is a CRIMINAL! he's not even the legal president. and the only thing I hear from americans is - oh well, can't do nothing about it! that's just crap, inexcusable and criminal in itself! its damned time for americans to STAND the hell UP and demand some ethics in their country!

[@Tsukuyomi28]

@@cjmacq-vg8um yeah I was thinking the Senate did it but they just do the trial afterwards.

[@gayleelliott3319]

c.j. Macq, I've been thinking the same thing--that he may have an eye on the contracts for the wall--created shell companies to procure the contracts (or whatever). That would be like him: profit off the presidency.

[@junior1able]

Whoa another caravan. Is this one gonna vanish like the last one did after the midterm

[@nhagan001]

Caravan 2: Judgement day. The one who will save the human race from sky net is amongst the caravan. We have to find him before the wrong people do. Else we risk the inevitable nuclear winter.

[@radish1395]

They're going too many left turns and get lost because they didn't follow the presidential instructions of driving over the border and into a desert.

[@MrZwaterbury]

I wonder how much fuel the chopper has wasted waiting for President Trump to actually get on board.

[@SpargurYarnCrafts]

Stephen Colbert is literally the only way I can stomach the news anymore.

[@squirrly001]

Yup at least he makes it laughable … otherwise we are sobbing in our tea in a chasm of sadness

[@pdoylemi]

There are also others I like, but Colbert and others are like the beer chaser after a shot of cheap tequila. I still watch and read the real news, but I thank Stephen, and Trevor Noah, and Seth Myers, and others for helping me laugh about it later.

[@Jeudaos]

You are definitely not the only one.

[@MikeBrown-ex9nh]

@@squirrly001 Or in a fit of rage over what this idiot and his followers are doing to our country.

[@AmberAmbwee]

Him and Trevor Noah.

[@1rcproductions]

It is sad that Trump makes himself and everyone that voted for him look like a fool. Very sad times for the USA.

[@thomasmcgillivray3997]

It's probably because most of them are.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Personally, I think the people who voted for him are fools as it is. They knew what they were signing up for.

[@MrJpags]

Even sadder is that none of his supporters will agree with you 🤣

[@JimVito]

@@couragekarnga8735 we have so many fools that its made me lose hope for the future. As sad as that is.

[@tonymagona334]

There is a very small, and disappointing side of me, that wanted Trump to become President because I knew nothing would go right, and so when everything started to go to shit I could look at those who voted for him and give them a big "I told you so" look. It was knowing Trump would be a failure that I wanted him to win, so all those who voted for him would realize how much of an idiot they were for doing so.

[@ginger2153]

I do love Stephen's Caravan dance.

[@underverse7]

I am waiting for a hip shakira move and some belly dancing soon !

[@briand8090]

I hope caravans form frequently in Honduras for the next few years.

[@Volfan99]

I love it so fucking much

[@ellengrace4609]

I know, right?!!! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who loves when Stephen twirls! 😂

[@butchbrittany1208]

Needs a GIF.

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

The new Honduran "caravan" is actually one guy. He's walking north at a good 7kph, his name is Jorge, and he was born in Utah. #peachydory

[@themoonsharksquirrel8937]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@darlalafond577]

😂😂👍👍

[@ronsauceify]

O m g 😂

[@crin28]

Bahahaha! 😂👍🏽

[@shortsatire5669]

“Conjoined democrats”-able to laugh. Trump is too ridiculous to laugh at and his presidency is hurting people.

[@jillyburt]

"In 2011, when Mueller was FBI Director, he gave a speech in New York. He explained that globalization and modern technology had changed the nature of organized crime. Rather than being regional networks with a clear structure, he said, organized crime had become international, fluid, sophisticated, and had stakes in the multi-billion dollar range. Its operators were cross-pollinating across countries, religions, and political affiliations, sharing only their greed. They did not care about ideology; they cared about money. They would do anything for a price. These criminal enterprises, he noted, were working to corner the market on oil, gas, and precious metals. And to do so, Mueller explained, they "may infiltrate our businesses. They may provide logistical support to hostile foreign powers. They may try to manipulate those at the highest levels of government. Indeed, these so-called 'iron triangles' of organized criminals, corrupt government officials, and business leaders pose a significant national security threat." Helen Cox Richardson

[@Neukids]

It's like Dumb and Dumber, with only 1 character

[@PrincePebble]

Well Trump is one character and his followers are the other character

[@dawnmidnightsun2521]

Nah current trump and campaign trump are two separate characters, at least according to him since "I never said ..." And then we see a clip or a section of a letter where he did in fact say ...

[@grandwonder5858]

Crooked Trump claimed to be the smartest tech person but yet he doesn't even know how to use the speaker function on a phone! He claimed to more knowledgeable than all the generals combined but all he does is give Putin blowjobs!

[@edwardwilliams3452]

Me, myself and Irene.

[@mikevanlingen6541]

No, it's the sequel---Dumbest.

[@AnarchyInsanity]

"I don't have temper tantrums" he says whilst having a temper tantrum. Trump is like that kid you see screaming on the floor of the grocery store because their parents wouldn't buy them candy and screaming "I'm not a cry baby, I'm not !!!!"

[@jennylee9278]

"I'm not a puppet, you're a puppet." yes he really said that.

[@Germanybabe]

Just like my nephews!

[@katiekane5247]

His Dad definitely called him a "worthless cry baby" a lot. He is obsessed with crying & hates babies.

[@namkeorb]

There are actually clips of him saying that he is not a baby

[@kbbeats3099]

Anybody else start laughing hysterically at the caravan bit?

[@ishaschdv1]

NorthernLightsOG meeee!! Missed it

[@kbbeats3099]

@@ishaschdv1 saaame

[@barbarac9805]

I wish the media and the people around Trump would just start laughing at him when he starts spouting that utter nonsense. He needs to know we don't buy his lies for one minute. Right now, he thinks he's so cool because people listen to him while he talks absolutely crazy!

[@alx-cc9gl]

He even introduced it with: 'Here's the story'. Like he just made it up at an impromptu comedy event.

[@msmeya5]

I love his caravan dance!

[@hierwirdnieetwassein]

As a European, I would like to thank every American who elected that clown. Your president is impressively entertaining.

[@sydneyali3463]

Couldn’t agree with with u.

[@sydneyali3463]

More

[@alexanderdouglas1946]

As an American this is hilarious haha

[@madarthivanki]

As an American, I have mixed feelings. It's hilarious but it also makes me hiss,"Whyyyyyyy?!"

[@rotibakr]

Agree

[@smittyd4801]

Trump: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask why Pelosi and Schumer won't pay for my wall."

[@Khrysalis01]

Peachy-Dory👍🏻

[@gjk540]

LOL

[@2thePtBassTuT]

"I'm a professional at technology..." except when it comes to closing an umbrella... :^)

[@jefschobert9765]

I hear your speeches Of you and you Tell us stories How others love you Then tell us We love you too Watching t.v. staring and It feels like it's All a commie stew Oh you say It's not the colors Your care is true Your lies media corruption And used as disruptions You say we miss you When you're not around I hear your speeches I hear your speeches Buy one for a million If I could afford it myself Claim you're a social cure doctor Pretty as a picture So you can claim good results For yourself as well You've got us tuning out And turning upside-down Turning others in Traitors still abound I'm learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? Learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? I hear your speeches I hear your speeches Buy one for a million If I could afford it myself Claim you're a social cure doctor Pretty as a picture So you can claim good results All for yourself as well You've got us tuning out And turning upside-down Turning others in Traitors still abound I'm learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? Learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? He says two sexes, no drugs, no wine Grabbing women by their pussy Is fun not a sin, son for you No lights on so it's dark Every other voter is a Commie traitor Every other voter is in Denial with anger, every other one I'm learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? Learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? I'm learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should I do so? Learning Trumpanese I think I'm learning Trumpanese But should we do so? Don't think so, don't think so Learning Trumpanese Learning Trumpanese But should we do so?

[@TheLordJesusIsMySavior]

2thePtBassTuT Lol

[@santoshshankar9183]

I am a professional at technology too...🙏🏽🙄 #H1-Bvisaholder

[@maraplantrees4543]

Oh please god put Trump in a straight jacket and lock him up for life. He’s so obviously insane!!!!

[@batintheattic7293]

Does this creature NEVER stop lying?

[@rc4443]

Nope

[@animalia5554]

Do his lips stop moving?

[@primalwerewolf9356]

@@animalia5554 no because he's a reptilian shape shifter

[@unity6906]

No. To stop lying he'd either have to shut up or start telling the truth. Not possible.

[@stanwalkerlover23]

Don’t say that That’s cruel to creature

[@g.cosper8306]

The phrase 'word vomit' springs to mind...

[@GrammasFavorite]

Wheels are older than walls, eh?..

[@love-hammer]

Everybody knows a constant problem for cavemen was their shelter rolling away.

[@gwendolyngailstenersen8946]

I always figured that caves had walls and wheels were invented by the inhabitants of those caves.....but I don't have a great brain, I'm not a genius and I'm certainly not a master of technology.....so what do I know?

[@JesseStu]

I believe zero words coming out of Donald Trump's mouth. Remember when Presidents focused on helping other people?

[@vicegt]

A side from Putin, its sort of all a blurry mess since 2016.

[@jlind3161]

No I do not, to be honest. Greetz&love&peace Jo&π

[@Sergio-fu7mv]

So true, we’ll never be a strong country being devided and ex presidents knew that. That’s why they would try and unite us. As one there’s nothing that could stop us. Just like ex presidents would play nice with our allies Canada, and Mexico. They knew making the West powerful as a whole would be much more beneficial then separating from each other. He’s literally ruined everything our ex presidents had been working for.

[@Sergio-fu7mv]

*divided

[@transsylvanian9100]

All US presidents have helped the ruling capitalist elites first and foremost. Trump is just too stupid to know how to hide it. Even FDR's social democratic policies were just a way to pacify the labor movement and bribe away the growing unrest among the working class and their anger at the system which had just caused the worst economic crisis they had ever seen, and which might have otherwise escalated to a real revolution which would of course have threatened capitalist power and profits.

[@death_stalker]

I’m A depressed person but Stephen Colbert is a medication of laughter

[@waseemh.a.5291]

Its all good brotha we taking it day by day

[@thomasmcgillivray3997]

laughter or idiosy?

[@betsy1947]

Absolutely! Colbert, John Oliver, Trevor Noah, and Bill Maher! Love them all!

[@pault4004]

@@thomasmcgillivray3997 No idiocy is reserved for any Peon who still supports Trump. I mean f your still in this crimminal's camp you;ve got to have your head so far up your but every time you fart you sneeze. I'd listen to Steve all day and all night. Especially if he was reciting Trumps eulogy.

[@lawrencesmith4960]

@@pault4004 I thought the same same as you until i took my head out of my ass and actually did some research. The first thing was to research and backcheck the validity of these media sources before i listened to them. Why not Wikileaks, for instance, around long before Trump having an impeccable record on the handling of original verified leaked documents? No one has questioned Wikileaks only ignored them. Instead we have this comedy and littany of allegations, seemingly based on little more than anonymous and unnamed source few backcheck.Many seem more concerned with the pimple on Trumps ass than analyzing the entire story. Trump is not an innocent but who is. Do a youtube search - CNN John Bonfield Project Veritas This clearly identified CNN production Supervisor is caught on hidden camera by a sting operation meant to expose the media bias and fake reporting. Here is a summary of what he said: "Our viewers are not too smart. There is nothing to this Russian bullshit because if there was it would have leaked by now. We could never have done to Obama what we are doing to Trump because our viewers didn't want it but for Trump they do. I dont blame Trump for being pissed. Our ratings are incredible right now. Its just good business"

[@kennethnash598]

Walking out is temper tantrum.

[@fredcastellano7089]

I remember something my business mentor taught me. He said, "If you're in negotiations and the other side doesn't get up and storm out of the room at least twice, you've left too much on the table".

[@desertflower3996]

I like how he the "president" (spelled with a lower case "pee") told reporters he didn't have a temper tantrum, and yet during the conference, the tone of his voice and body language became ever so increasing with hostility.

[@Kevin_Street]

Trump contradicts himself from sentence to sentence, or sometimes even within the *same* sentence. When I said that Mexico would pay for the wall, obviously I never said that... etc. How can people close to him hear that babble every day and seriously think he's qualified to lead anything?

[@GS-cg3yn]

Kevin Street So true. Well-worded.

[@Liz-mj8qc]

I wonder if all the damn people who voted for this clown regret it now 🤔

[@GenerationJonesi]

They're complicit in his idiocy ;)

[@floydfan5993]

@Kevin Street, remember what Rudy said,'the truth isn't the truth'!

[@sherylrichards2818]

Well, @@eversomellow2538 , at the moment Trump is asking the taxpayers to pay for the wall. Maybe you heard him say that ?

[@simonrai4327]

2019 Colbert is on point

[@LackofEthics]

I will never not enjoy the Colbert twirl

[@rudyjuarez2702]

Well you just did

[@MotoRiff77]

5billion to secure our schools makes more sense

[@cliffy236]

or compensation to all the workers who didn't get paid!!!

[@brianlevine249]

@@cliffy236 Wonder why you don't know that they get compensated with full backpay already when the govt reopens. Strange that none of the stuff you watch mentions that. Or the fact that we had many shutdowns under Obama.....press never talked about those. Wonder why?

[@pseudonayme7717]

@@brianlevine249 Because those shutdowns were also caused by republicans?

[@rayray6422]

A Legitimate, proper use of $5 billion dollars. Good thinking kid. Dwayne Johnson: #TheRock4President

[@alanfriesen9837]

@@brianlevine249 NPR announced that a Resolution had been passed through both houses of Congress today authorizing reimbursement to government employees after the shut-down is over. That was sometime in the one o'clock afternoon hour here in the Pacific time zone.

[@anrina]

I love Stephen's caravan dance every time. I can't get over it.

[@wishiwassleeping2829]

Best part of the video for sure!

[@aclasscali]

me too

[@sarahvetoe8134]

I think I may use that dance whenever I hear Trump cultist nonsense from now on.

[@hardinhp]

Made himself look like a complete idiot. Crowd must be paid hella good cuz this is literal trash content

[@RocketCandyColored]

@@hardinhp Real hot take, bro

[@Vertigo71414]

"If I don't get what I want I'll throw a temper tantrum" We have a moody child running our nation.

[@kimberlys8422]

Eric cartmans dad!!! No dna test required.

[@cerwyddi]

Electoral Collage needs abolished, deactivated, or what ever will keep jokes like this out of the White House

[@CloudsGirl7]

Running, or ruining?

[@alejandro_vallejo_calvo]

Candace DeBoer I think you meant “ruining our nation”.

[@maxroman1198]

DEAR GOD! I must be in a coma. He cannot be real! Who would be stupid enough to vote for him?!

[@feliciaflores4680]

My husband!!! I've been laughing at him on the daily!

[@rc4443]

Way too many people

[@snoopz2]

Max Roman apparently those who did, and some crazy rich and powerful people, who are his lord and master, but this doesn’t look good for them in the long run.

[@HalidCausevic]

Max Roman people that do not have many teeth, don’t have high education, ones that are racists and ones that have been brainwashed

[@abigailofdarkness]

Republicans and the uninformed.

[@jacobmaruth3598]

Walls probably came before wheels. Using some kind of barrier against the elements or predators seems like a more basic technology than a wheel-axle assembly.

[@SuperLeica1]

Historians say the invention of constructed walls came at least 6000 years before the first wheel. Earlier if You also count the cave-walls in.

[@davidmiller5832]

Lawyers: "One of them is unreachable for the next 3 years", The other one is *Giuliani* .

[@dirkmcnasty8585]

Right!? Best legal team in existance

[@socallife890]

"I didn't rant, rave, or get angry" he says as he's ranting, raving, and getting angry. Too funny.

[@mattb1752]

Yelling over the background noise doesn't equate to ranting, raving, or getting mad. But you do you dude.

[@mazing32able]

@@mattb1752 he's ranting

[@mattb1752]

@@mazing32able he very well might be, tbh. I haven't seen the whole clip, just what's been shown here and it's not enough to really work off of. From what little I've seen from this, I wouldn't say that he was ranting.

[@alanali6423]

he's not ranting, just raving :)

[@DoxRap]

A 2nd caravan?? Wow! I predict the 2nd caravan will conveniently be forgotten just like the 1st after this saga is over.

[@lanefair2950]

There will be another caravan when the repubes need it for another political ploy.

[@unity6906]

Maybe the 2nd caravan is just the first caravan that walked in a big circle.

[@Sealutions1]

master of technology?? mofo can't even operate an umbrella

[@love-hammer]

He hasn't even figured out planes. He's still talking about undocumented immigrants like they're coming on horseback without electric cutting tools.

[@boarder6246]

☔️

[@stephk42]

He's so old he probably used slide-rules in college

[@MRayner59]

Hey, let's not misquote Mango Mussolini, he said he was "a professional at technology."

[@mollystewart6354]

Nice joke lifted from Seth Myers on Late Night that I watched right before this one....more effective with the supporting video

[@Lugmillord]

Another caravan? Man, he doesn't even try to come up with good lies.

[@bevtuft3572]

He IS a national emergency.

[@trentmcgready3312]

CBS should've declared a National Emergency when it's boss Leslie Moonves was caught Raping and assaulting woman who worked for his Company

[@hazukichanx408]

True. But at least he's a professional at technology. ...Who understands scientific facts like how walls work far better now than in the medieval era, before gunpowder and cannons gave humans the tools to remove large segments of them without much trouble... and before airplanes, hang gliders, even the occasional high-powered pogo stick. Why do they work better now, you may ask? Well, don't! It makes him look bad. La la la, best greatest believe me.

[@kosewa1]

Bev Tuft 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@henrycampbell9733]

This was a classic one, I couldn't stop laughing 😂😂🤣🤣😅😅

[@notroll1279]

Why is Trump wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat? I thought that was supposed to be his own job and promise - so whom is he shouting this request to - in CAPITAL letters? And how is it possible that after this veeery Long stretch of 2 years of Trump America still needs to be made great again - hence isn't yet??

[@tubeslats]

The hat is part of his 2020 reelection campaign. It is actually illegal for him to campaign during a taxpayer funded event...but, Trump gets away with things no one else could.

[@kingmanmemes9457]

Its much better then Hillary for sure

[@Centurian128]

And it's a white hat too, I'm sure there's no symbolism at play there...

[@yanickanick4721]

Did Obama make anything great in 8 years???

[@ajivins1]

No Troll To protect his comb-over.

[@johnettaallen2775]

The national emergency is to get him out of the WH.

[@juanmanriquez2347]

He could become more authoritarian with special powers. ignorant Turd.

[@juanmanriquez2347]

Trump is the turd, not you Johneta.

[@TC38Cole]

Why can't I like your comment 10000 times??

[@MrGnidlih]

Can't Trump just tell everybody the wall wasn't his idea and then blame Obama .. that's what trolls do.

[@wbgrl99]

Ake Hilding I think he did by saying that the all four former presidents told him to do it

[@glorioskey]

Was that yesterday's monologue or day before? That was good work

[@MyPronounsHeWhore]

Obama said we need more 'boots' and border security, Hillary said we need 'some kind of barrier'. You can easily find videos of this. We already have fencing. Many countries have physical barriers at their borders. This isn't absurd at all.

[@jtswhitewater4940]

Ake Hilding But what about Hilary???? You missed that one 😂

[@step30dub]

David Druen which is why there is now a useless fence and btw the way I don’t care what Hilary said I didn’t vote for her. The wall will be huge burden on the America ppl because our national debt will go up.

[@teenygozer]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Trump ranted, raved, and smashed the table.

[@noix666dezephir]

I don't understand how there are no repercussions on him legally after all he said and done in two years. I am not American but surely there must be legal measures even against the commander in chief with this accumulation of issues. No ?

[@chrismurray3224]

“I’m a professional at technology” !!!!😂🤣

[@adamredmer]

Pretty sure he said "perfectional..."

[@marim9852]

freaking uses twitter and now he thinks hes a hacker lmao

[@chrismurray3224]

adam redmer Pretty positive he didn’t but as “perfectional” isn’t a word it’s just the type of thing he would say !!

[@jefschobert9765]

It's... Super lyin Fragile Racist Whiny Braggadocios Even a small glimpse of him you Will find it's quite atrocious If you wear a loud red hat enough You will seem like you're unconscious Superlyinfragileracistwhinybraggadocious I'm gonna build a wall, I'm gonna lie I'm gonna build a wall, I'm gonna lie Because he is afraid of free speech Treats us like we are tad slow His father gave him a million a week And told him not to spend it bad Then one day he was labeled with a phrase That encapsulated his repose The biggest ego you've ever seen And that's how this story just goes, ouch Super lyin Fragile Racist Whiny Braggadocios Even a small glimpse of him you Will find it's quite atrocious If you wear a loud red hat enough You will seem like you're unconscious Superlyinfragileracistwhinybraggadocious I'm gonna build a wall, I'm gonna lie I'm gonna build a wall, I'm gonna lie He owns property all around the world And labels his brand on what he spent Others around use that phrase to describe His deals calling him a stingy gent When the Saudis pass the day away for free They say that special phrase and then remark Oh he's still lost at sea It's... Super lyin Fragile Racist Whiny Braggadocios Even a small glimpse of him you Will find it's quite atrocious If you wear a loud red hat enough You will seem like you're unconscious Superlyinfragileracistwhinybraggadocious I'm gonna build a wall, I'm gonna lie I'm gonna build a wall, I'm gonna lie Now if you run his words backwards What he says could start to make sense But that's giving him too much credit Don't you think For sure So when this cat has cornered you Into a verbal argument display Just remember this little phrase And summon the courage just to say Fair warning use it sparingly or you Could be charged with treason for life An example..hmm One day when we didn't pay attention This phrase snuck into our daily lives It's... Super lyin Fragile Racist Whiny Braggadocios Superlyinfragileracistwhinybraggadocious Superlyinfragileracistwhinybraggadocious Superlyinfragileracistwhinybraggadocious Super lyin fragile racist whiny braggadocious

[@massford2767]

Chris Murray kopoppppkoplplkpkkppkkoloppkooookkpokopokpkok

[@shadowhunter0815]

Can't you just hire a couple of mimes, who act as there is a wall and tell Trump, it is transparent?

[@enviromental1189]

Or just tell him there is a wall already built w/ stealth technology that we stole from the Klingons.

[@LilDemona]

Knowing Trump he would believe it

[@andrewbesso8519]

Tell him only smart people can see the wall.

[@danielen359]

looooooooool so funny

[@OnlyRealsht]

Lol

[@Stevros999]

The wheel wasn't invented till the Bronze Age , pretty sure we had walls before then .

[@pirateman1966]

Don't be a logical party pooper!

[@ufothing]

stone age not bronze

[@kurtscholz9384]

The wheel technology can be found among stone age technocomplexes, but it didn't have much use beyond toys.

[@Stevros999]

@@kurtscholz9384 No , the wheel is a technical term ( involving the critical metal wheel barring) invented in the Bronze Age. * you have access to the same information as I do , look that shit up and quit sounding like a Flat-earther .

[@kurtscholz9384]

@@Stevros999 stop insulting people and stop posting false claims. There's no need for a metal wheel barring for an object to be defined as a wheel. Just the first picture of a clay wheel of a toy to proof you wrong: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d3/Remojadas_Wheeled_Figurine.jpg

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

Remember when we thought George "Dubya" would be the dumbest president ever? Oy!

[@braydenfletcher8159]

He seems like a university professor now...

[@simonquisbert9165]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/qqLUqIedoJ2ln5I

[@roy7046]

boy, we sho loves our dubyoo now, yowzam!!

[@jfalconredskins]

It really is amazing. I never thought they could find a man dumber and more senile than Bush but the GOP proved me wrong. It's like each of their candidates gets more and more primitive. I don't even want to think about who will come next.

[@sandrapatterson2916]

WorldOfRandomStuff Those were the good ole days, and we didn't even know it.

[@jauwannr]

This guy is really our president!! Wtf

[@tohono]

Frightening, isn't it?

[@jauwannr]

@@tohono very!!!

[@katieg7092]

Welcome back. Great show, again. Love that caravan dance you do. Happy 2019.

[@KevinSmith-qn8fn]

Dear Lord if you impeach Trump i promise i will be good to everyone for the rest of my life Amen

[@forkfork1]

Impeaching him is easy enough....getting a conviction (67 votes) is nearly impossible

[@malaikashoaib9920]

I will go to church the way I did when I was young if that happens.AMEN

[@danwolfe3703]

If you live

[@sarasrinivasan2753]

If you impeach him, you have to deal with "mother" pence as the president, you really, really want that?

[@sillygoose635]

@GENERAL PULLER shut up

[@screamingphoenix8113]

This is nothing ahort of a constitutional crisis. States of emergency are supposed to be urgent and reactionary to tragic events. If this happens, any president could just march around congress and the judicial system and pass any thing their hearts desire. This would turn our republic into monarchy.

[@annmariemittag706]

Trump has been taking dictator lessons from Putin and the first Kim(little rocket mans grandpa). Both were disciples of Stalin. He(Trump) even has his cult of personality up and running. This was going to happen with him eventually. (edited for typo and clarity)

[@paintlady2268]

No kidding. And you haven't seen that writing on the wall (no pun intended) before?!!

[@sassora]

Technically, into a dictatorship, as you would not have royalty on a throne, but an absolute power president.

[@cisco8650]

I'm hoping Trump hasn't see the movie Vice, because they mention something called the Unitary Executive Theory.

[@gavinBsussex]

I live in a Constitutional Monarchy in the UK and even our Queen can’t go around declaring a National Emergency for no reason whatsoever...

[@tianxiaozhang]

The MVP of WTF Season 3 is off to a strong start.

[@robertnett9793]

Yeah. But it really get's stall. I mean the first season was new and fresh with never seen before WTF moments, the second one upped up the ante - but to a degree, where I no longer can suspense my disbeliefe... The third Season... meh. I mean really - how could something complete bonkers like this ever get green-lit? At this point I really just wait for the Mueller-Finale-Episode and want to be done with this show...

[@sadieanthony5132]

That Caravan dance...😂😂😂😂

[@thomasmcgillivray3997]

That'll be mr colbert at the border.

[@TheBoxingCannabyte]

Watching Trump supporters try and defend this nonsense has become a comedy routine.

[@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980]

2:04 - 2:25 *"Mr President if you want to know what is or is not legal I don't know if I'd ask your lawyers. One of them is unreachable for the next three years."* *~ Stephen Colbert*

[@kameronsnowe903]

MAGA hats soon to be replaced with Peachy-Dory sombreros

[@peterrawai4062]

Kameron Snowe Pink hats!

[@dwaynemarshall4905]

thats funny.

[@frankboff1260]

Sounds nice. I’d actually want one!

[@AmyB369]

Hahaha

[@fe5018]

@@frankboff1260 same. I feel like this should become the official headwear for those opposing Trump.

[@prikov1]

This fool is comedy gold. Unfortunate for the country but great for comedians.

[@stevenpatrickmilton1248]

Let's just talk about the band and that dischordant version of caravan they pulled off beautifully

[@griever2017]

Professional at technology? The guy doesn't understands umbrellas...

[@glorioskey]

Did you miss the one of him trying to operate one?

[@RoninZulu]

Or toilet paper...

[@radwulfeboraci7504]

56,000 thousand Americans killed with guns between 2013 - 2017 ... not a crisis. - the Tangerine Terrorist.

[@linusgustafsson2629]

Where any of those killers Mexicans? I think we need that wall fast!

[@danieljob3184]

The .38 snubnose revolver is the most lethal handgun in the U.S. Having killed as many people as every other handgun put together. Quiz your friends with this & find out how dumba$$ gunshy they really are!

[@uk69uk]

37,000 just in 2016! I think your figure is a little low.

[@y_fam_goeglyd]

@Gunsandrosalina Padtwo Tis a shame that sarcasm isn't easily distinguished anymore. Perhaps that's another casualty of Trump?

[@josephteller9715]

Everyone talking to the President needs to wear a wire and a body cam.

[@nirvanasucks5628]

Trumps the man

[@storytel27]

Joseph Teller 😂😂

[@chrissiek8706]

Why? He says stupid things and outright lies on national tv 🙄📺 You just need someone in the senate and congress to grow some balls and slap this bitchbabe into the next century. Criminaly stupid, he is 😑

[@biancalathetravelerssoul]

OMG!!! Sooooo funny if it wasnt so sad! This man is insane and needs to be out of office!