The State Of The State Of The Union

[@ursaltydog]

he's worried about something being on time??? How about 800K federal employee paychecks on time??

[@FREESPEECHMATTERS_1]

This is trump we're talking about. You think he cares about federal employees getting checks. He won't even pay for the wall he so desperately wants.

[@ThenameisNiels]

He has to get funding for his wall Somehow

[@ivoryfyall4231]

HELLLIOOO!!👍👍👍👍👍

[@ursaltydog]

@@ThenameisNiels ​ Jerry K He's the supposed billionaire.. he can pay for it.. he just gave his buddies 1.7 trillion dollars in tax cuts.. they can pay for it.. we're already paying for their tax cuts.. We shouldn't have to fund a wall all because of 34% of the country can't see through his bullshit..

[@ursaltydog]

@@FREESPEECHMATTERS_1 Hell.. he won't even pay his workers, so they have to sue him.. Though, he'll pay a porn star... maybe we all should be porn stars..

[@NewMessage]

That speech is going to be nothing but 40 minutes of whining about how mean the democrats are being to him, peppered with thinly veiled threats, outright lies, and unprompted protests of innocence, punctuated with heavy nose breathing straight into the mic. So... all the hits.

[@ClayLoomis1958]

And how bigly he beat Hillary.

[@chetthehoss]

Yep. Pretty much everything you said will be true. I have no doubt that there will be a few more lie-slash-distractions to try to confuse people and cast blame on everyone BUT himself.

[@Trueflights]

And complaining about the fake news repeating back actual things he said worth video proof and complaining that he never said it and they are lying

[@janeenharris3074]

Don't forget that he'll be big noting himself. No government has achieved....blah blah blah.

[@jamedraa8472]

SPOILER ALERT! You ruined the shock and awe!

[@isaiahconley8630]

I don't want a state of union address because he's just going to lie and two, I hate his voice.

[@nosuchthing8]

It will be a tremendous speech.

[@Mx.RumpusParable]

@@nosuchthing8 lol

[@vishchilakapati659]

Fortunately or to the left Unfortunately, he is the President, either put up or shut-up, no other choice.

[@bethe192]

@@vishchilakapati659 The potus needs to take that advice, perhaps?

[@marqueshawalker2111]

Amen brother!!!

[@nathanfelsch8636]

Trump finally met his match in Pelosi. She has what, over 40 years experience as a maverick politician? And Trump what, 2 years as a failed politician? She’s clearly running circles around Him and making Him look like the fool that He is. Thank you to everyone who voted last November who helped us get our House back. You’re clearly witnessing the fruit of your labor

[@alanai1981]

Nathan Felsch YEAH SHE IS THE BADDEST CHICK IN DC

[@alansmitheejr.]

Donnie just can't stand the idea of a woman ever saying "No" to him.

[@RCmack]

true!

[@williamfroh8830]

I think his wife has been saying NO ever since the Stormy report .

[@rickj9615]

Groovy Guru isn’t it sweet? Oh I love it so much - he’s being had by a woman

[@ocanain1731]

I'm not sure if that's true but in the case of Daniels' - he'd sure happily sweep some yerrible choices under the proverbial rug.

[@AdultThirdCultureKid1971]

Groovy Guru Right?

[@sarahleslie4988]

The movie Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be real!

[@yaydoggies]

@Sarah Leslie, Camancho would be so much better tho * Camacho

[@jenniemalloy7402]

Sarah Leslie Sadly Idiocracy without empathy.

[@tropicallivingoverseas5202]

Idiocracy. Electrolytes. It's what walls crave.

[@prg4647]

@@Corring10LanctoMUSIC wtf?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@tropicallivingoverseas5202]

@@Corring10LanctoMUSIC If you believe Trump, you're the funny one. Would you also like a wall sweetheart?

[@unevilGenius]

The predsident has an incredible story to tell. We know. He never tells anything credible.

[@mananq.8600]

Boss of Mark the Google Police Officer good one

[@trinityproj3ct]

Incredible Story = tax cut sweetheart deal for corporations and the 1%, his only “accomplishment”

[@chuckwilliams6261]

He tells a lot of stories though.

[@colleen3107]

Boss of Mark the Google Police Officer, and that's exactly what it would be...a story rooted in his imagination. Who wants to bet money he will bring up 1) how great the economy is doing 2) no one expected me to win, 3) the number of electoral votes he got, 4) what a great job Frederick Douglass thinks he is doing, 5) he has accomplished more in this short period of time than any other President, 6) he spent Christmas all by himself in the White House. And during his story he won't even mention the places in the US that were destroyed by natural disasters and the number of lives lost on his watch.

[@aldovera3789]

@@colleen3107 why don't they put him in a nursing home? If they can't indict him. There are plenty of old people in need of a story teller. ( bullshiter to be precise)

[@isaac.anthony]

As a business owner, if you go thru that many staff, in that short of time, you're the failure, not your staff.

[@pennyhollifield5055]

Great point! So very true!

[@beberivera7011]

#preach

[@petyrkowalski9887]

100% . Staff retention is a key metric for any serious business or leader. Trump doesnt have a professional business bone in his body.

[@dcijluther4015]

isaac anthony even the fyre guy was able to get his people to be loyal to the end. Lol.

[@TraderRobin]

Hahahaha....the ONLY thing Trump has managed to repeal and replace is......HIS STAFF!!

[@vellaminter9361]

Federal workers want to get paid on time and on schedule for being at the location where they are employed

[@munekita0457]

David M The only person who needs to help trump is a licensed and certified psychologist.

[@carrylhicks7352]

@Vella Minter......Facts

[@carrylhicks7352]

@@munekita0457 ........Facts

[@luisgaldamez8686]

@David M why are you so dense?

[@andreameau2633]

@David M There is no help for Dump.

[@delcox8165]

5:08 6:27 Oh my _god,_ he's an such elementary school bully. "What'sa matter Nancy, you afraid? Hey everybody, Nancy's afraid to hear me talk!" It's depressingly obvious what kind of people look up to this guy.

[@ItRemindMeOfHome]

He says Pelosi won't let him deliver a speech... while he's on television... delivering a verbal message (a "speech" if you will)... He completely lacks self-awareness.

[@chrisbuttonshaw2088]

"She not let me have a speech!" ...... no she won't let you have all the pomp and circumstance of a SOTU which is what Trump wants lol.

[@SteelBollocks]

He's being a grounded kid who's saying it's mom's fault I can't come out to play not admitting you're in trouble because of what you did

[@Great-Tiger]

Trump is the best though

[@danielen359]

@@Great-Tiger 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Yes the best at making people laugh or being mad

[@derrickstorm6976]

Idiot, you don't even know SOTU is to you?

[@monicagomez4616]

Last week Pelosi stood her ground on the southern border wall as did Trump. This week Pelosi is standing her on the SOTU, Trump not so much. I’m so happy to see someone especially a woman stand up to Trump and put him in timeout. I suspect next week Trump will whine and complain some more while Pelosi keep standing her ground waiting for Trump to understand NO means NO. How did politics become so entertaining? Why watch movies anymore, when the plot on Celebrity Apprentice: Pelosi vs. Trump Edition thickens?

[@Texaca]

@Monica Gomez --- next thing you know, Drumpf will want Nancy to spank him, with a rolled up copy of the Constitution 😆

[@carrylhicks7352]

@ Monica Gomez...... like a spoiled toddler... I figure he thinks that.....maaaaaaybe he's gonna wear her down if he just keeps asking

[@donaldblack8877]

we will see in 19 days just how great Nancy is. It ain't over. Some of the best maneuvers are letting the opposing side think they won.

[@leannbridwell1853]

So, the SOTU is given by Potus so Biden ! not ex- potus. Trump.

[@ZeroPointAlpha]

Wait a minute. He says he needs money to build the wall... But he says it's already under construction... Is he stiffing contractors again?

[@Chunkboi]

ZeroPointAlpha he’s already stiffing employees, so...maybe?

[@baruchben-david4196]

Seems that many people suffer when Trump is running things.

[@VidVwr00]

Don't talk about Melania that way

[@111cvb111]

Wouldn't be surprised if its illegal Mexicans being blackmailed into building it for citizenship or something.

[@xxXthekevXxx]

Plot twist: the contractors building the wall are illegal Mexicans 😂👍

[@ursaltydog]

But isn't that nice.. she's concerned about his security.. but he didn't return the concern.. by exposing her secret trip to a warzone.. with no military accompaniment..

[@telectronix1368]

Indeed. How presidential of him.

[@RCmack]

Trump can be a meanie sometimes. He also is so stupid, he can't help himself politically even if he wanted to.

[@MrElis420]

"You can't use this government jet to fly to three different warzones, and I'll leak your flight plan on Twitter, but Melania can use the jet to fly back to Mar-a-Lago for vacation time!"

[@JaimieJo]

He had no one to advise him on why we keep it secret and play it safe. Nancy Pelosi is 2nd in line for the Presidency. We protect our leaders. What a dumbass to leak that info out and to tell them to fly commercially to a war zone. When will TRump learn the rules of government?

[@Mr3ppozz]

@@JaimieJo he doesn't care about the 2nd in line... he just wants her to go away... so if he has to make anything she does dangerous he will....

[@squirrly001]

Amazing writing...awesome delivery... Stephen Colbert, you are killing it!

[@titochdry1150]

"Don't have to go home but you can't stay here" ...lol👍👏❤

[@stormwatcher59]

@steve crawford - I spent several years saying it to people at 2 AM! lol

[@suzandouglass5241]

NANCY. Joining Cher, Madonna, and Beyonce. You go girl!

[@trinelangohr6661]

Move aside, Nancy Spungen, your moniker has now gone to a girl with better eyebrows ;D

[@NA-ed2er]

Border security is going to be built with or without the governments approval. No country has open boarders and that is unsustainable not to mention a threat to national security. So get as excited as you like but eventually it’s going to be addressed. We build the wall raised 20 mil and the go fund me for federal employees who are crying on national TV because they can’t do their Target runs hasn’t even reached 1 mil.

[@katiekane5247]

@@NA-ed2er "Target runs?" Like food & toilet paper are NOT important? Are a bunch of you gonna go on other peoples land & construct an illegal barrier? "With or without the government"? The people ARE the gov't. Donnie is at 37% approval & 71% disapprove of the wall. Majority rule still exists sir.

[@NA-ed2er]

Families who struggle buy their toilet paper and food at Walmart. And she was crying about not being able to afford extras. And another one was complaining about having to have struggle meals. The AVERAGE employed American has struggle meals all the time. No one feels sorry for you because you can’t eat fillet mignon. The average American can’t sympathize. Also slavery was not a choice. They signed up for this and should of planned accordingly. Personal responsibility.

[@CrystalinRose]

"...Or Nancy, as I call her." WTF??? I swear he microwaved his head when he was a kid

[@karinbarger9192]

He can't even use that as an excuse. There were no microwaves when he was a kid.

[@CrystalinRose]

@@karinbarger9192 #Dead That is hilarious!!

[@lloydmckay3241]

Trump really is funny just by himself. That was one of the funniest out of the show.

[@Weebandacat]

@@karinbarger9192 microwaves have been around since 1946 so easily possible.

[@TheNinnyfee]

And he never got the door to reopen again.

[@coolwater55]

We all know Trump's speech is only going to regurgitate anything about the wall, declare how much he has done and blame any problems on democrats.

[@TitoTimTravels]

Thanks Obama... (but seriously check out Obama's vid called "thanks obama". Funniest 6 seconds ever!)

[@TitoTimTravels]

Thanks Obama... (but seriously check out Obama's vid called "thanks obama". Funniest 6 seconds ever!)

[@blackbutterfly9193]

So , lie , lie , lie

[@DeterminedDIYer]

There will be billions and billions of problems if we do not build a wall. Billions and Billions of murders and crimes. SAD! we must MAGA and eat many many fries!

[@bladedesoul]

@@DeterminedDIYer and hamberders

[@lianaverwood9810]

It also says in the constitution Mr president that the American people shouldn't be forced to work with no pay, that Mr president is called slavery.

[@cookiemon87]

No one was forced to work for no pay dumbass...if they didn't like what was going on they can just quit and look for a real job in the private sector.

[@peteg6419]

Is it possible you can explain that stupid remark? But for your information there is noting in the Constitution about salary.

[@skylerclyne6542]

Only came here to say I honor John Batiste for playing “Song for my Father” at 2:35, hilarious 😂😂

[@niamerced9573]

Thank God for you Stephen. We need laughter to stay sane.

[@baruchben-david4196]

Too late for me... Ah, well, sanity is overrated anyway.

[@Enigma2K99]

1:23 You know what would be sadder? All those government workers missing another goddamn check.

[@Mamutete]

you know what would be really sadder? this February the 1st when the landlord asks them for rent.

[@RCmack]

Government workers should not be missing any more checks. My prayers are with them!

[@telectronix1368]

@@RCmack -any more- any checks

[@Lutz1985]

I hope when the government is back up they will get the money they missed eventually?!

[@AlaA-ms9up]

I agree it's sad Quick question, isn't it spelt cheque?

[@myself047]

I heard so many people say that "I love him cause of the way he speaks". That was like saying, "I love that Baby cause he cries all the time"

[@andreadeagon2301]

Ayan Ray Baruah Too true. I’ve heard people say they like how direct he is. Really? He lies directly?

[@enviromental1189]

I think he sounds like a blathering idiot when he speaks, especially when I hear clip from his rallies. So Trump lover's love what? The only thing I can think is they love that he puts down and vilifies other people.

[@michelles6708]

Ayan Ray Baruah They love the way he speaks? 🤢🤮 My God! Really? They love what specifically? The habitual lying? The names he calls ppl? The incoherent sentences? The way he talks about how great & smart he is? I could go on, but I think you get it. I can’t take listening to him &/or seeing him anymore! It’s a waste of my time & sanity! Our country’s in danger! There’s a traitor in the WH! HE MUST GO.. ASAP, before it’s too late!

[@lloydmckay3241]

He tells it like it is. Yep, just like a lowbrowed uncultured slob.

[@myself047]

@@andreadeagon2301 hahaha...there is a thin line between being direct and being truthful

[@dozzer009]

"Or Nancy as I call her"....seriously??? This is a hilarious tragedy 🤣🤣 Trump is so far out his depth.

[@jaschilling6792]

Yeah, I know.

[@AlashiaTuol]

I'd be offended even by that if I were one of the people Trump calls by their first names. He can't even say a first name without making it somehow sound vulgar (then again, he speaks so strangely that everything sounds vulgar from him). (It's _House Speaker Pelosi_ to you, sir, or _Representative_ Pelosi.) I think he avoids saying people's job titles because he can't pronounce them. Can you imagine him trying to say "representative" in any kind of normal fashion without coaching?

[@nancycampbell5345]

I love her name!!!

[@matthewcalifana488]

Nancy must of pulled a Pelosi ! d trump wished it was a pepsi , Maybe Choke on a Coke !

[@Shadow-nlr]

What is he...10 years old? Trump wants everyone to know he's disrespecting her by not calling her Madam Speaker. Uh....I doubt she gives a shit.

[@stellabar623]

“Congress works on Vampire rules” 🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣

[@AceKiller9000]

Handy if a vampire becomes President

[@dozzer009]

Michel Matteau Excellent 🤣🤣🤣

[@notsure1969]

Also surround by a bunch of old bloodsuckers who never seem to die.

[@Sindollx666x]

That got me good too! A bunch of leeches.

[@VadoVoodoo]

With Republicans as the 'Familars..'

[@senorbambu]

Love the little burst of 'Song for My Father'. Go Jon and band!

[@yvonnetomenga5726]

👍👍👍👍👍 Wow! Colbert really outdid himself tonight. I thought his body language after the ask Mom/ask Dad was great. That didn't prepare me for the poignancy with which he delivered the final line . . . "A friend." Kudos to Colbert on his delivery and his writers for coming up with it.

[@disdehcet]

Such a good show. I watch him nightly and I actually laughed so hard I had to watch the entire thing again...immediately. Trump is out of his mind.

[@ocanain1731]

This nonsense needs writers?

[@tonib.3016]

Colbert you need to write that book and give the proceeds to the fed workers...I'll be happy to buy a copy!!!

[@lizzward3186]

Me too!

[@blackbutterfly9193]

I actually brought 3 cups to help so, people can do that too .

[@hereticpariah6_66]

Oooooohhh. "Nancy!" ....damn, that's cold.

[@phyllishahart6111]

hereticpariah 6/66 LMAOOOO

[@colleen3107]

We don't need Trump to give a State of the Union because by now most people know the majority of what he says will be "alternative facts". It is getting tiring.

[@purplehz97]

Yes, and because we also already know that the state of the union is shit.

[@nazcomedy1762]

Nancy is like: Uh uh. Not in my house Donald

[@amanilee7708]

"I AIN'T PLAYIN YO GAMES!"-Nancy OG Pelosi lol

[@themachine8009]

Elections have consequences... madam speaker

[@melindac3368]

I'm beginning to really like Nancy.

[@codedlulu8821]

In her Iyanla voice

[@TheCraigellen]

@@melindac3368 she's not my favorite, but man, she knows how to take him to task! She's one tough lady.

[@TheSunflowerGalaxy]

Been watching Colbert since his time at the Daily Show and he is as fresh and savage as ever!!

[@fjLKA]

I live in Canada. I feel like I'm listening to the neighbors arguing about their failing marriage and everything they are saying is funny.

[@tommyl.dayandtherunaways820]

Sad thing is I can't even stand up for my country because it really is that bad. We probably deserve to be laughed at.

[@Briguy1027]

You're lucky you're there.

[@FrankieJamesNews]

We have weed to endure the Trump presidency. Go Canada!

[@schlossneuschwanstein1801]

You know, Sean, you are on to something. Americans have a good sense of humor. And it is serving us well. If our democracy survives Trump, it will be in part due to our ability to laugh in the face of adversity. And our appreciation of the absurd. :) ty for being a kind neighbor. We love Canada and Canadians. I always tell people that you are a better, kinder version of the U.S..

[@tracim3080]

You do realize that when the USA economy collapses our economy will soon fallow. Not to mention a lot of the shit the USA has been stirring up that has them on a path toward civil war is pushing Canadians down a similar route.

[@tigerbalm666]

Trump should give tweeet of the union? Whhy waste tax layer money on his BS?

[@hazukichanx408]

Yeah, why should some poor coal miner in Arkansas pay to be given a speech that he's not even going to be able to listen to because he's too busy dying of coal dust inhalation and lack of health care! That's almost as insane as asking that miner to pay for health care, or for the education that would allow him to spend his work days assembling solar panels instead of inhaling coal dust.

[@shana2283]

Right!!! He'll probably tweet than actually say anyway.

[@petiteetoile8376]

Yes, the State of the Union is in the Constitution and you're supposed to do it. You know what else you're supposed to have? A functioning government and paid government workers

[@sent4dc]

As a total f-you to him Nancy should deliver some kinda speech herself during the exact same time as the State of the Union was supposed to be broadcast.

[@Lelffy]

sent4dc actually, the Congress should have a special highlighting the impacts of the govt shutdown on the workers/country. They could have celebrity acts and take donations. I bet huge celebrities would jump in that and no one would watch Trump.

[@tommyl.dayandtherunaways820]

Someone, I think Nicolle Wallace, had floated the idea that government workers should be the ones to deliver the official response to the State of the Union. I think Pelosi could go a step further: invite federal workers to the House on the date when the address is supposed to take place and let them have the floor. Let them tell us about the real state of the union, not Trump's fantasy "winning!" version.

[@md61211]

To Billis Lopez :: brilliant idea (fed workers giving speeches)

[@kruleworld]

Aren't the networks obliged to broadcast the president's speech?

[@dikoehler4255]

@@kruleworld No they aren't. The last one he gave only ABC broadcasted the speech which surprised me.

[@jennylee9761]

My wonderful dad, a born again Christian, retired, and who can't use the internet to save himself, nor understand even how to watch tv on the internet, even thinks Trump is being a big 'baby' about the wall. I love my dad.

[@itsokitsokitsjustme]

Jenny Lee I love your dad too. Dad’s right!

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

Shake your father's hand for me!

[@mdsign001]

what does the "a born again Christian" have to do with it?

[@moistdenim9268]

erwin meester who cares? Erwin Meester is a dumb name

[@couragekarnga8735]

Your dad's got it right, my friend.

[@Straight2TheHeart]

This monologue was AWESOME!!!

[@mroceans8336]

I thought red states were protected by guns, the death penalty, and Jesus. So why are they obsessed with security?

[@atlantamovers3922]

Most Hated Repubs faced with logic....😱We need the wall while our guns go nighty nighty

[@HelgaCavoli]

What a combo. Reactionary's holy trinity.

[@michellecallahan9496]

Brown people don't ya know

[@kitchensink3353]

Paranoia is a b*%#@

[@tommyl.dayandtherunaways820]

As someone from a red state, this is so true 😅 But you know, Mike Pence already invoked MLK by claiming that he would have supported Trump, so now I'm just waiting for Christian conservatives to unveil the 11th commandment: "Thou shalt build a great, great wall from sea to shining sea".

[@Phoenix540]

He should give the state of the union address from an outhouse, this way he could show the state the country is in.

[@TheGozz13]

Looks like he might have to call his BFF Putin for a shoulder to cry on....!!! LMAO

[@mervynstephens2808]

@ Phoenix540 hahahaha, you’ve just called America a shithole country....nice one 👍👍👍

[@edwardhanson3664]

@@mervynstephens2808 Oh, look! The clowns are here!

[@happycat307]

@@mervynstephens2808 under him it is.

[@jsveterans6949]

Good metaphor for the people to understand where this is going... You know, because Americans need visual f%$king aids now..

[@andrewc.4471]

I wonder if he realizes that the State of the Union was delivered by letter to the Congress for a large part of our history and it's not mandatory that he give it in person.

[@Montesama314]

But how would he sate his ego if there aren't cameras on him and people clapping at every big false claim he speaks?

[@HexIsme]

Something tells me that even if he were fully aware of that, he's too self-obsessed to settle for it. He couldn't give even a partial fuck about what's good for America.

[@marsblue2238]

RangerFett2017 And I think we all know the answer to that question.

[@cmcordoYT]

Dude can't read or write. If he was smart, he would have someone who could read and write do this for him, but he is too proud.

[@Jornandreja]

Nancy didn't cancel it, she never invited him and it was never planned.

[@Seanie3478]

Good one! Lol

[@jestnessj3574]

Shout-out to the govt workers who are furloughed or working without pay. This too will pass. Stay Strong.

[@baruchben-david4196]

This too shall pass, true, but will they still be around when it passes? These people are going to have late fees and penalties to pay, when they finally get their paychecks. They will owe people money. It's not as though everything goes back to normal when the government is restarted. No matter what, these people will be poorer for being late with payments. That's assuming that they aren't forced to find other jobs. No matter who "wins," these people will lose.

[@maggierezac5820]

@@baruchben-david4196 Yes, but there's more! Many of them will have their needed Security Clearances jacked if they have any outstanding debt! Many have resorted to the Payday Lending Loan Sharks, who are charging up to 400% Interest, so how to get ahead, as you say, when the govt reopens? Then there's another deal I was just made aware of yesterday. The SNAP/EBT {food stamps} will not EXIST in March of 2019! In fact, they sent out notices that the February 2019 Benefits had been deposited on Jan. 20 so that seemed like a Harbinger of Badness right there! And this area I don't fully understand. Prior to pResident tRump's stated "Proud Shutdown" {circa 12/11/18} they DID fund the Dept. of Agriculture, from where the food stamp benefits come. Hang on tight everyone!

[@L1Games]

5:42 U.S. Constitution. Article II, Section 3 stipulates: The president “shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient.” Take note of the words here. "FROM TIME TO TIME GIVE TO CONGRESS Information of the State of the Union." It does not specify when, how often, or that it has to be given to the people directly. Also, it does not say from where it should be given. The house Speaker has stated that Trump can give it from an alternate venue. No constitutional rights have been denied here and nothing at all is being done against the word of the constitution itself.

[@donaldblack8877]

But the President shall means the President interprets when where and how. Theoretically the president could decide to give a minute by minute SOTU address in Congress is obligated to attend. So a 2 year in session Congress with no way to shut down the President. Talk about Filibuster.

[@makebreakrepeat]

Colbert/Stewart 2020

[@salilbhatnagar]

Justin Revelstoke Stewart/Colbert 2020 Colbert/Stewart 2028

[@piequals314]

I want John Oliver to be Secretary of *Something* lol... maybe education? Edit: Conan has to have a position, too!

[@ThisCharmingMan1984]

Sophini 88 I think John Oliver would be a superb Press Secretary. It would be great seeing him effectively “roast” the press pool every day. He’s show Hucker-Sanders how it’s done haha.

[@Trueflights]

We've elected a couple tv personalities to the white house now. At least that duo has some working knowledge of the way things work unlike the current cartoon character

[@RCmack]

Chuck Todd/Stephen Colbert 2020. Sorry Stephen, I have to put you at the bottom of this ticket!

[@Starkada]

Breaking News: The FBI just raided President Trump's personal library. All 3 books were seized. The president is absolutely furious because.... ...he hadn't finished coloring them yet

[@mattatk92]

Omg that was so funny you must be one of the writers for this show

[@Squashed8Ball]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@g0679]

Adam Stark I wonder if he had a REALLY big box of Crayolas - or instead used a shoebox full of loose crayons

[@teamla1047]

He's still working on the complementary placemats from Burger King, Wendy's and McDonalds that were placed in the Clemson dinner bags when staffers went through the drive thrus. Those placemats, btw, are being reserved for the tRump Presidential Library.

[@desertdaisymarie6951]

I almost spat my food out laughing at that 😂

[@scottrowe533]

Trump calls the House Speaker "Nancy." She, in turn, calls him "Nancy boy." 😎

[@LackeysLack]

How about "Negative Nancy"? Really, he went on and on about how the country was negative.

[@Fantumh]

It's nice to see Trump is more concerned with his State of the Union speech than he is with a functioning government and all those who aren't getting paid and all of us whose safety he's endangering.

[@RCmack]

He blew a chance to help himself and spread some right wing propaganda by not taking his state of the union address on the road to Covington Catholic High School in Kentucky. But that's his problem! I'm surprised FOX News didn't suggest this! If NBC's Chuck Todd worked for FOX News, he probably would have come up with that idea! Nobody at FOX News is as smart as Chuck Todd.

[@SereniaSaissa]

Trump doesnt give a sh*t about the SOTU. He just wants to be ON TV!!!! And Pelosi is denying him his right to be on TV!!!!

[@paulinelarson465]

@@RCmack But - - The Sisters of Mercy own, and run, the school. They have already apologized for their students perceived behavior. Hopefully, they would not allow partisan politics to consume their society.

[@jackieroberts1489]

Nancy Pelosi maybe the only woman to tell The Donald NO , and stand up to him.

[@ocanain1731]

Everyone says no to him. You know he doesn't want to do state of the union, right?

[@joannbowden6220]

@sgbobsg hell, I've probably got more 💰 than him! And I'm on disability! 😂🤣😅

[@vstar7196]

Melania says no to him all the time.

[@RCmack]

No, GM CEO Mary Barra also stood up to him! But The Donald lied about it! He said he was firm with Barra and GM when he met with them back in early December. Ohio US House member Tim Ryan said it was a lie, that Trump "didn't lift a finger" with GM. Mary, I totally disagree with you about your plant closings and laying off thousands of workers, but I admire you for standing up to The Donald.

[@blackbutterfly9193]

Yes , because other woman was forced .

[@alisaoliver1969]

Give a speech somewhere befitting his dignity: Red Square. Classic!!😂💜

[@karinbarger9192]

But the ball pit at McDonalds was befitting the child.

[@teedee8536]

Stephen’s gonna have to write another book now!

[@RCmack]

He may have to write a book about Trump being so stupid, he can't even help himself. He missed a big time opportunity to show up Pelosi and move his state of the Union speech to Covington Catholic KY High School. That's where he could have practically made heroes of the whole Covington Catholic bunch and could also had Rand Paul, Thomas Massie and others speak about the so called benefits of being a conservative. Trump could have had a big time right wing propaganda opportunity here. But he's probably too stupid to realize this, and Democrats everywhere are thankful!

[@eacharlton1]

Stephen you know what would be great, if instead of covering his speech you did a show honoring the 800,000 citizens on Furlough! Give them the light and help people understand.

[@janedmunds4218]

eleanor charlton good idea. Maybe some dark comedy

[@pedrogadea4926]

that is actually a great idea

[@Texaca]

@eleanor charlton --- that's not bad. A primetime show, 3 hours long, or a telethon with several celebrities or musicians would be even better. where all the proceeds go to the furloughed government employees, especially those investigating him. 😆

[@Jagonath]

The underpaid "writers" of the Stephen's show might know what it's like to be poor, but Stephen certainly doesn't.

[@Mx.RumpusParable]

@@Jagonath On the contrary - he doesn't come from money. He makes a shit ton now and is open about that fact, doesn't try to pretend otherwise, but he grew up and then the for years into his adult career was scraping by. Nor is his family rich.

[@megfunful]

The poems are awesome. Love them.

[@Born_as]

He talks so much about border security being a big issue. He thinks a physical wall is the best solution. Now I ask myself, why doesn’t he put the same amount of effort with gun control? We hear about these mass shootings too often. In a way they’ve become normalized and that’s a sad truth.

[@Born_as]

Alex Mullins when was the last time you heard about a mass shooting done by an immigrant? It’s mostly Americans

[@ValerieJNorse]

@@Born_as -- That was Alex Mullins' point. He was being sarcastic.

[@richardray6827]

300 Americans a week die of heroin, 100 a day from guns.

[@boilpoil]

No no no, didn't you know that the wall is the best solution to border security? China got one two thousand years ago and they've famously never been invaded by their northern nomadic neighbours like the Huns and Mongols happily ever after.

[@curbmassa]

"Why?" you ask? Well, there is the issue of Russia funneling 30,000,000 dollars through the NRA into his campaign fund. There's another sad truth for ya.

[@ArcaneStar1]

STEPHEN SHOULD BE CALLING OUT MITCH MCCONNEL EVERY SINGLE SHOW.

[@md61211]

Here's an idea :: ~ every federal worker (furloughed, unpaid but working, etc) ~ every contract worker ~ every restaurant owner/worker, dogwalker, daycare owner/worker, house cleaner, dry cleaner, hairdresser, movie theater owner, deli, food store, etc (losing business bc the gov workers are home or can't afford them) ~ every air traveller (longer wait times at the airport) ~ every person who deals with the closed agencies (and can't get approval, permits, food stamps, rent help, etc) ~ every man, woman and child connected with all the people above (and are affected too) ~ and anyone else you can think of ... send in one (signed) postcard per person affected (a TSA furloughed married father of 6, whom I met yesterday, would send in 8 postcards). Send those cards this weekend to Trump/McConnell @ 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Keep it short - just say "open the government NOW" & put your name & city That's millions & millions of cards. A mountain of cards getting delivered to them every day next week. Great visual. And a wake up call. If you like this idea, please FB, Instagram, and Tweet it (I'm OG & not on soc. media, I'm afraid). Millions of ppl can't get to Washington, but millions of postcards can. Let's get this off the ground !

[@donaldblack8877]

They will never make it. The White House Mail does not get delivered to even DC. It gets read and sorted out of state and simply end up in file 13. The mail is electronically reproduced even now. So something like "open the government" could be filtered out before anyone sees it.

[@Bizzlemck3]

"Mom (Nancy) can I have a State of The Union... NOOO!!!... Dad (Vlad) can I have a State Of The Union... What did your Mother say?" 🤣🤣🤣.

[@3dfreak2000]

You misspelled the word "Dad"', is "Vlad"

[@Bizzlemck3]

@@3dfreak2000😂😂😂... Good one 🤣🤣🤣

[@joannbowden6220]

I swear that reminded me of growing up!

[@patpierce4854]

BEATON DAVID KOLLIE Brilliant!

[@MoY206]

Brilliant 👌👏👍

[@EugeneAxe]

"This is a very negative part of history." Trump actually being self-aware for a change.

[@baruchben-david4196]

He's blaming it on others, though. Democrats, Latinos, the usual suspects...

[@hazukichanx408]

"President" Dump only ever really tells the truth by accident. :)

[@patricksanders858]

No, It thinks It is great...everyone else is at fault and wont listen to him so therefore negative part of history.

[@bozotheclown7625]

youtube "Model With 2016 Secret Fights To Escape Russia, Oleg Deripaska's Reach" - what's not funny is this young girl has been beaten and will probably be killed. if this ONE THING happened in a Clinton or Obama elections they would have been impeached and guilty and out of office. everyone knows this, the corporate media knows this yet not being presented to the american people in that light. thailand does EVERYTHING the USA asks. the girls legally sought asylum from USA embassy in bangkok and it was ignored. trump ordered it ignored and this is a crime. if the USA requested the girls would have been have deported to USA. Magats come up with baseless claims about b clinton, obama, h clinton, AOC... and here are facts of a cover-up and criminal actions yet nothing on any corporate media, nothing on Hate TV (fox) and Hate Radio (Mitt Romney). proof of the corporate media in criminal collusion with trump! the corporate media ONLY reports what cannot be ignored!

[@wbenken7655]

IMPEACH.

[@lwwent5663]

I always find it hilarious when 45 says someone is a liar, or when he claims someone doesn't want to hear the truth.

[@LithicStudios]

Trump talking about exercising constitutional duties is like a vampire talking about eating garlic

[@patricialafountain1432]

lmao

[@paulfernandez4998]

Well said! LOL

[@fishbone2921]

You win the Internet today ! Very funny.

[@chematornero]

Song for my father quoted by Mr. Batiste at 2:30. Right on point.

[@zdelany6963]

nobody said he couldn't delivery the state of the union, they just said he could not do it in congress....which btw...is not in the constitution.....1st pres to delivery sou in congress ....Woodrow Wilson

[@lindaterrell6104]

z delany I believe the constitution say “from time to time”. Didn’t Reagan not do a SOTU one year?

[@Briguy1027]

LOL -- I had a feeling wasn't in the constitution. He's really good at making facts up.

[@telectronix1368]

The letter to Trump also didn't say the speech had to be cancelled.....just that it was not going to happen before the government can reopen.

[@RCmack]

If Trump had delivered it from Moscow's Red Square, that would have been hilarious!!!!

[@jdkenada]

"Or Red Square." So much gold in that gag.

[@markbrownner6565]

we have the right to refuse service to anyone we deem inappropriate....no shoes no shirt no service..or...no funding no government no speech......

[@happyhaze1526]

I'm not a 'joiner', so never been a Democrat or a Republican, but I feel so chuffed about Nancy's handling of the man baby in the Oval Office that I just want to give her a big ol' hug, send her flowers, take her to dinner and a movie. I'll sum it all up in this phrase: Stand your ground, Nancee!!!

[@Darknamja]

If there are as many people supporting the Wall as the President claims there are, then why aren't they out there protesting and marching on D.C. and demanding such? The rest of us are too busy trying to eke out a living to worry about the Wall.

[@joannbowden6220]

Sssshhhh, don't give those brain dead trumptards any ideas! 🤗🤔🤗🤔🤗🤣🤣🤣

[@theprofessional5656]

+Darknamja they made Donald Trump the president - THAT much people want the wall. What else do you expect people to do? Fundraising? - Oh wait, they already collected 20mill for the fucking government, of all things XD But yeah, nobody wants the wall. If the dems actually cared about the gov opening again they would be negotiating about the 0,1% of the budget. I'm a left leaning person, but this "wall" fence is all about control, not about the issue.

[@colleen3107]

Darknamja, he had 2 years of GOP lead government (President, House and Senate) and still did not get the billions he wanted for the wall...that Mexico is going to pay for. Now he will blame it on the Democrats. Trump, didn't your mother ever tell you when you are pointing a finger at someone, 3 more are pointing back at you?

[@novaiscool1]

20 million out of 25 billion. Your missing 24,980,000,000 of your total so good luck fundraising.

[@RCmack]

Folks should be marching in Washington demanding for Trump and Mike Pence's impeachment. There also should be several signs outside the White House saying "Trump for Leavenworth" or "Trump for Guantanamo Bay".

[@lucindawaugh3945]

Oh Stephen you are killing it that Monster Truck Ad 🤣🤣🤣

[@grandmasfavorites]

Trump has no idea what truth means or how to tell it.

[@willritter4076]

all politicians are guilty of lying on occasion, but Trump is 2 or 3 levels up from normal... I'd be honored if some fellow concerned citizens would take a listen to my acoustic piano & vocal performances of PURPLE RAIN by Prince and PRAYING FOR TIME by George Michael on my YT channel in tribute to 2 of the greatest vocalist-songwriters in music history. Live acoustic with no autotune. Thanks and DRAIN THE TRUMP.

[@anujmchitale]

You could have stopped your statement at, "Trump has no idea...". About anything. 😁

[@guynorth3277]

Gosh! What a wonderful and hilarious monologue, Steven you are just hitting grand slams one after another!

[@totallynameless8861]

While the insult isn't effective, I see where he's going with it. After all, calling someone "Donald" these days is kind of cruel.

[@andreadeagon2301]

Totally Nameless Thank god for Donald Glover to redeem it a little. (My father’s name is Donald.)

[@hawkeye5955]

Trump is basically the Benedict Arnold of modern times.

[@zobbukit]

Totally Nameless ...Donald as a name will be the new Adolf.

[@samsonian]

I think the toddler-in-chief needs a safe space. That mean lady is forcing him to follow the rules!! The NERVE!

[@NA-ed2er]

Border security is going to be built with or without the governments approval. No country has open boarders and that is unsustainable not to mention a threat to national security. So get as excited as you like but eventually it’s going to be addressed. We build the wall raised 20 mil and the go fund me for federal employees who are crying on national TV because they can’t do their Target runs hasn’t even reached 1 mil. Get a new job and a work ethic instead of crying in your Cheerios. Pull yourselves up by the boot strap. Pathetic. The average American can’t relate.

[@katiekane5247]

@@NA-ed2er cant you see your cut & paste bull isn't working. You are the minority, sorry Charlie

[@EchoSappho]

Donnie has never heard of the naughty chair before and can't handle Pelosi keeps putting him there to think about what he's done

[@davewade2041]

Donnie needs a good spanking. Oh wait.... I forgot he likes spankings. Well then, Donnie needs some soap to wash out his mouth.

[@mschill5575]

Pelosi's got her foot all the way on his neck! 😂

[@redrooster1908]

"Red Square." Brilliant !

[@flowman5383]

Nancy Pelosi,or as I call her...Nancy... (our president ladies an gentlemen) 😂😂😂

[@chrissiek8706]

We all just should address him as Donald. No mr., no president, just Donald. You can bet he hates sych informality used on him 😏

[@b.parker1740]

I'm surprised he didn't call her "Negative Nancy" or "Naggin' Nancy." Then again, this is the president who is practically illiterate in every sense of the word, so the most obvious is probably beyond his reach.

[@TraderRobin]

@@chrissiek8706 Hell, I call him, Doorknob

[@___Tj]

I think he was supposed to say "Nazi" but he forgot how to pronounce it

[@blackbutterfly9193]

What a big mess we are in right now . If we are going to pray it's for a way out of this nightmare.

[@googlesdarksecret9895]

Love Stephen , 😂 This dude is a f**king Savage!

[@ainumahtar]

Do keep in mind he has a team of writers that come up with most of these jokes :P

[@mickyjagah]

Loving the show from Nairobi, Kenya.

[@coastcity7029]

The idea of a Monster Truck Rally State of the Union is terrifying because it's in the realm of possibility.

[@sthom4bad]

That was both the best and worst thing I've ever watched.

[@agma19]

I agree. I think he will go where he knows he is well-received and pay for it with our tax-payers dollars. When I heard Stephen joked about it, it occurred to me that this is an idea that this administration would actually agree on and carry out just to make Trump happy.

[@TheOneWhoMightBe]

Truck-a-aurus is one of the few elected Republicans I respect.

[@spacechecker4983]

President Camacho approves

[@zachmcmillan4060]

Shades of Mike Judge's excellent film 'Idiocracy',w/ a Secretary of Defense named Beef Supreme and The Guitar Army.

[@B2UGROUP]

One of the best monologues ever !

[@pennyhollifield5055]

Mike USA - I was LOL so loudly I scared my 2 cats.

[@irenegwen2959]

Spot on.

[@craigwalter988]

"or Nancy as I call her " so good !

[@sammygirl6910]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@kevlarkittens]

agreed 100%

[@Duryism]

Rudy Guiliani driving "his own Grave Digger"! Genius... lol!

[@captainunderpants200]

2:48 "The President has an incredible story to tell." I believe it. Everything the President says lacks any credibility.

[@TheMetalTempestYT]

Enjoyed this monologue. :)

[@lesd1923]

J Morris the Review Guy - So much fun! It makes you laugh when all you really want to do is cry. This president is beyond cray cray.

[@kamuelalee]

Trump needs Hamberders and One Friend. LOL

[@bkinouye]

Trump's new nickname for Speaker Pelosi should be Mommy.

[@kolaida]

He likes to call her "Nancy." xD Real burn there, Donnie. LOL!!

[@vickyjanway4526]

Oh like she didn't get her damn hey ride. Lol haha.

[@ruinedfall]

thoughts and prayers to you all in the US

[@BognaZone]

Ooh...is that a sick burn???

[@xxXthekevXxx]

Yeah thoughts and prayers always fixe the problem! Right?

[@william-uk]

Nice work by whoever made the cover for “My Tremendous Poems”.

[@sophistanonym1703]

Is the warning for the sharks, or about the sharks?

[@Alresu]

@zztop3000 Your two comments where written within two minutes. It was pretty unlikely, that Sophis Anonym would answer in that period...

[@nelum4311]

very impressed with this monologue

[@donovan3476]

45 should have his State of The Union speech in The Moscow Kremlin, where he will be warmly welcomed.

[@rowkingsbury945]

What so you think red square is?

[@lisalisa1435]

How about federal employees checks be delivered on time on schedule and on location how about that

[@faabzeeland]

He doesnt have the balls to nickname her

[@HexIsme]

She might take his TV away if he back talks. 😂

[@mimim7026]

Cancelin' Nancy

[@phyllishahart6111]

Fabian de Pooter lol

[@johnbatt2435]

He doesn't have balls cuz Nancy is wearing them as little ear studs.

[@nirbhaysharma1214]

Give Batiste so much love for playing "Gold Digger" on that Kanye/Trump reference

[@bhazinumbr]

its Homecoming by Kanye

[@jamieh4148]

And the Closing Time song by SemiSonic.

[@skylerclyne6542]

And 2:35 “Song for my Father”

[@malint5452]

Actually, it's Darude - Sandstorm.

[@williammckenna3903]

Mum, can I have a State of the Union address? No?? Dad, can I have a State of the Union address? 😂😂😂

[@mr.skippy4898]

Congress works on vampire rules. Best. Line. Ever.😮😲😂😂😂😎

[@baruchben-david4196]

I'm thinking Pence kinda looks like a vampire in need of a meal...

[@dumakae]

I loved it

[@just1desi]

Not delivered on time or on schedule? Paychecks anyone...

[@VianneyCreates]

That poem, so dark. LOL!!

[@suzandouglass5241]

The State of the Union is CLOSED. Open the government first.

[@vanimaduray5473]

So many great references!!! Homeward Bound, Closing Time by SemiSonic, Murder She Wrote and vampires... Although the poem was epic (not for the usual reasons). Stephen your show is awesome and USA please for the love of God, impeach the orange!

[@rocketmanrick]

Vani Maduray Simpsons and Truckasaurus !

[@TraderRobin]

Well said!!

[@purplehz97]

Yes, but Semisonic did not come up with that. It's an old saying.

[@vanimaduray5473]

@@purplehz97 I know but then John sang it, which made me very happy coz it brings back good memories!

[@funface4]

Thanks for the rhyming poem.

[@sueg2658]

Humble pie, Crow and My juicy ass LOL!!! Great monologue! Oh man, I'm still laughing 😂

[@NA-ed2er]

That is not going to happen 😂 Border security is going to be built with or without the governments approval. No country has open boarders and that is unsustainable not to mention a threat to national security. So get as excited as you like but eventually it’s going to be addressed. We build the wall raised 20 mil and the go fund me for federal employees who are crying on national TV because they can’t do their Target runs hasn’t even reached 1 mil. Get a new job and a work ethic instead of crying in your Cheerios. Pull yourselves up by the boot straps. Pathetic. The average American can’t relate.

[@joebwannabe]

@@NA-ed2er umm couple things. You're bragging because you've raised like 5% of what trump was asking for? You guys are kicking ass! Also, you're going to build the wall with or without permission? Good luck with that. And what's with hating on people just because they work for the government? That's petty and stupid, but coming from someone who worships trump, it doesn't surprise me.

[@jaridkeen123]

I would love it if someone stood up during Trumps state of the union and just said "YOU SUCK" super loud lol

[@terrancemulcare3652]

That should take care of it!