Twilight Is Worse Than You Remember.

[@AlizeeYeezy]

Offset your carbon footprint with me on Wren! We'll plant 10 extra trees for the first 100 people who sign up! wren.co/start/alizeeyeezy Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 3:33 - Preface 4:35 - Chapter 1 - First Sight 20:52 - Chapter 2 - Open Book 33:50 - Chapter 3 - Phenomenon 39:10 - Chapter 4 - Invitations 48:54 - Chapter 5 - Blood Type 56:40 - Chapter 6 (26?) - Scary Stories 1:02:50 - Chapter 7 - Nightmare 1:08:31 - Chapter 8 - Port Angeles 1:12:54 - Chapter 9 - Theory 1:17:45 - Chapter 10 - Interrogations 1:20:59: - Chapter 11 - Complications 1:26:02 - Chapter 12 - Balancing 1:31:28 - Chapter 13 - Confessions 1:47:08 - Chapter 14 - Mind Over Matter 1:53:13 - Chapter 15 - The Cullens 1:59:19 - Chapter 16 - Carlisle 2:03:33 - Chapter 17 - The Game (you just lost it) 2:09:07 - Chapter 18 - The Hunt 2:14:15 - Chapter 19 - Goodbyes 2:20:57 - Chapter 20 - Impatience 2:23:57 - Chapter 21 - Phone Call 2:26:53 - Chapter 22 - Hide And Seek 2:31:32 - Chapter 23 - The Angel 2:34:26 - Chapter 24 - An Impasse 2:40:35 - EPILOGUE

[@abbyz13]

These timestamps are more thorough than any given chapter of twilight

[@itscjrodgers]

Is the camera shaking or the table? There's a weird bobbing motion that makes this hard to watch. Edit: or is the autofocus on the fritz?

[@mjm3091]

You should compare it to the genderbent 10th anniversary rewrite. Personally she fixed some elements of it. For one - Beau is not as big of a wimp as Bella was (he is douchéy though, but oh well there is only much you can expect from a Mormon writer) and the ending was actually better (mostly because it ends on first book). Its still kinda a shiet story, but for me an improvement non the less.

[@ErgonomicChair]

Coca Cola never had cocaine, he had cane sugar. Nothing like cocaine.

[@abbyz13]

@@angeloespinoza6715 why you do dis

[@jennycomelately]

AU where Bella never moves to Forks and Edward discovers he can’t read Charlie’s mind and falls madly in love with him.

[@nightsgrow6575]

😂😂😂😂

[@Kaiheart]

Cullen "siblings": You're over 100 years old and have to pretend you're 17, quit acting like a love-sick schoolgirl. Edward: But... But... He's a DILF! A mysterious DILF! ... But honestly it'd be hilarious, cause by like book 4 and Edward's charmed his way with Charlie and they play to have a ceremony - then Ed meets Bella and has a crisis, not from not just being unable to read her mind, but due to realizing it'll make him a step-dad

[@MagnaFae]

And it’d be a much better love story than the original

[@cheeto.burrito]

and it's a slow burn where Edward has to realize "wait. I'm not having trouble reading Charlie because he's slow, I'm having trouble reading him because he's _blocking me_ wtf" Because it's canon that Edward _also_ has trouble reading Charlie, but he writes it off as "maybe he's just slow" so having Charlie be a little more quick on the draw, like as a police chief for example, would shatter this illusion and all of a sudden his head is full of DILF thoughts.

[@Kaiheart]

@@cheeto.burrito I love the way your mind works and I need more.

[@RuinedSilver]

"How would sex between a meyers vampire and a human be pleasurable" I actually have the answer for this- before they did the deed, he put himself in the microwave and set it to defrost.

[@myweakness1883]

😭😂

[@maybemablemaples2144]

Oh no bestie not this 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Corrupted_flesh]

I'm afraid to tell you that that wouldn't work, microwaves function by making water molecules swing, which makes them heat up. A granite monster isn't made up of water molecules so it wouldn't heat up :(

[@thetalker.7304]

Lol that was a good one

[@maybemablemaples2144]

@@Corrupted_flesh somehow, someway you've made it worse and I truly applaud you 👏🏿

[@loadbearingskull]

“She has depression because Edward didn’t go to school” the true teenage experience

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

I mean to be fair, it used to ruin my whole day when my crush didn’t come in to school back as a teenager. Oh, those days.

[@cjandrews6967]

that is so stupid there's no way that any normal person will be depressed if their friend or love interest didn't come to school

[@the_last_ballad]

@@cjandrews6967 Clinically depressed? No, of course not. But don't forget, teens are going through puberty, and all of their hormones are heightened. As emotions are caused by hormones, that means they literally feel stronger about everything, though no fault of their own, and the gulf between happy(lots of the happy chemicals) and sad(a lack of the happy chemicals) is larger because of it. In fact, teens are pushed towards more extreme stimuli (loud music, dangerous activities, taboo actions) because their serotonin reception is altered(can't remember if there's more receptors, requiring more serotonin to be produced to fill it, or just less serotonin being produced requiring more stimulus to reach normal levels, but regardless it's the same effect), which is why teens are prone to depressive moods. So teens, who have limited life experience, are not going to be able to tell the difference between a big sad(or, in a more serious descriptor, a depressive mood, a short lived deficit due to an upsetting event) and actual depression (be it natural, a prolonged deficit that the body has went into to deal with a serious loss, which is one of the stages of grief and why clinical depression cannot be diagnosed if something like a recent death of a loved one has happened, or clinical, a prolonged deficit that exists due to incorrect hormonal production and not any external stimuli). So a teen can be depressed, which is an emotion like any other(is basically sad^2) without _having_ depression, and they will snap out of it in a few hours to few days(however long it takes for the event to resolve itself, be forgotten, or to be processed). This is where the myth that clinically depressed people can just snap out of it, because all 3 of these states feel the same, they just have different lengths and causes. But they can also have depression due to extreme stimuli or due to a hormonal imbalance as normal. Which is why it's important to keep a finger a teens mood and what's going on in their lives, because that's how you'll know if them being listless and sad is a major issue or just a normal reaction to a recent event that can be delt with by hugs and ice cream. And looking forward to seeing a crush, only for them to not show up, can leave them in a big sad for a few hours. And yes, it's incredibly irresponsible for you, a grown adult, to be mocking children for normal reactions that they have no say in. Grow up, and actually do some research before spouting off on a topic.

[@Allukard353]

​@@the_last_ballad All the stuff you said is correct, I just wanna nitpick. Teenagers aren't children. They are by no means adults, but they aren't children. That is all. 👍 :)

[@the_last_ballad]

@@Allukard353 I mainly used it to underline the disparity of ages and maturity levels. Teen is effectively a subset of "child" as linguistically it's a new concept to describe older children who are yet to reach adulthood, but are nearly there. But yeah, teens have as much in common with children as they do with adults, so they're deserving of their own classification.

[@littleflowers7678]

The fact that stephanie meyer had a wet dream about gerard way as a vampire, wrote the twilight series based on that, then it was adapted into a movie franchise, then someone made a fanfiction based off of that movie franchise with bdsm, then they renamed the fanfiction and published it as a book which was then adapted into movies is just... whew

[@hyperdiegesis]

iconic honestly, legendary times we are living in

[@hurphenelondwil2419]

That's so exahstingly true.

[@BrightBrandi]

I was depressed before I read this and now I need a higher dose of antidepressants

[@Danny-kk4nj]

And the chain doesn't end there 😭 the 365 days series was inspired by 50 shades and its even worse, the main character falls in love with her captor 😬

[@the_last_ballad]

@@Danny-kk4nj I'm guessing it isn't a horror story about Stockholm syndrome?

[@musician200X]

Plot twist: Edward cant read Bellas thoughts because her head is empty.

[@mjm3091]

To be fair Edward literally thought that about her father, that he was just stupid.

[@ladytopaz6358]

@@mjm3091 maybe it’s hereditary

[@chefleen1254]

High schooler: No thoughts head empty Old Sparkly pasty man :That’s so mysterious tell me more

[@mackenziemoon]

@@chefleen1254 “old sparkly pasty man” hahahaha

[@kristinfrostlazerbeams]

She actually says her skull is too thick for anything to come out in this video. I cried. 🤣

[@suu2498]

If the book started off with Bella wandering off in the forest while Edward was hunting, the book would be more enjoyable. Edward could have found it intriguing that he could not read Bella's mind. It would give Edward a reason to actually go to school and interact with her and, at the same time, create a reason for an immortal to go to school. Edward could have been more awkward because he has not been in a school for like a century, making Bella question what is actually wrong with the guy. This book actually had the potential to be far better than it is. Still, I read it too many times during my adolescence, lol.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

You have already written a better story in this comment than Meyer did in like five books

[@suu2498]

@@jazwhoaskedforthis Aw thank you! :)

[@nessyness5447]

You mean like what they did right in tvd? Where stefan saw elena and was intrigued by her looking like catherine, so enrolled her school to investigate her?

[@suu2498]

@@nessyness5447 I never watched Tvd but yeah! I think it would have been much better to give Edward a reason to be at school.

[@nessyness5447]

@@suu2498 i haven't read the books, but the tv show is ok. I mean, is still a teen show and there is some toxic romance too, but at least the characters do have a personality and motivations and there is more plot than romance. People compare it to twilight for some reason, but i actually think the style of tvd is more similar to buffy ( obviously buffy is better, but i found tvd entertaining enough) . If you are ever interested in watching, and you are an adult, i recomment more the spin off about the originals, it's targeted to an older audience and more interesting ( and is fun because no one is really good or bad perse, they are all just going for their own interest and it depends who you like more, like a series about some mafia wars XD)

[@pootoobaby738]

“I have gone through the last two weeks dismantling the Twilight book…” oh this is gonna be good…bless you queen for your dedication to always giving us things nobody asked for but desperately need.

[@paultidwell8799]

my sentiments exactly.

[@Applepear893]

@@paultidwell8799 opo

[@petloverspy]

“Carlisle was lonely because it was generations before Charlie Swan was born.” HELP

[@Owain9797]

“May I?” “You’re the only one to ask permission” Once again Bella and Alice are the ones who should get together

[@irradiated_woman8016]

I'd ship it.

[@rinwhittney5039]

someone I hope either has, or should write a fanfic where they run away together and get away from all the bullshit that they deal with in forks

[@mophead_xu]

@@rinwhittney5039 there're over 200 alice x bella fic in ao3 one of them's gotta be the one that tackle that.

[@meap6474]

They legit did have much better chemistry than Edward and Bella lol

[@vegeta002]

@@meap6474 Any chemistry is better than no chemistry.

[@maggie3842]

the sentence “Edward beat up a tree” will never not be funny to me

[@hhoneyglasss]

it’s literally hilarious- i remember i read the books along w my friend earlier this year, and i was literally about to piss myself reading that part due to the vivid image of edward punching and kicking a fucking tree out of absolutely nowhere

[@redisntmyname8325]

I almost thought I’d rip my face mask from laughing

[@coffeewolfproductions9113]

All I can picture is him punching wood like he's in fucking minecraft XD

[@JackiePearl]

I went to hit like on this comment only to realize I’d already ‘liked’ it the last time I watched and read these comments. 😅

[@mikeyjamieson4715]

Still a better love story than Stones to Abbigale.

[@ladytopaz6358]

DAYUUM. I can’t wait for that to be a thing in like 5 years.

[@momoring9247]

still a better love story than 50 shades of gray

[@mistermasterinahat]

Even Harlequin romance novels are a better love story than that. Just referencing that as a romance, let alone a book, is insulting.

[@Darkovika]

It's happened. Twilight is finally a better love story than something else. Onision's done it. He took one for the Meyer team. Someone call the press lmao

[@emilyk244]

I wanted to like this comment but the likes are at 420, so

[@fourthdrawerdown6297]

2:13:30: “ pack the first things your hands touch.” Bella leaves town with a bag of doorknobs

[@mandalorian_guy]

At least she won't be defenseless.

[@TKZells16]

Bela beating a vampire in the head with a bag of doorknobs is the most hilarious visual and is infinitely more interesting than the scene in the book

[@kai_maceration]

im a germaphobe so i open doors through my shirt or towels, or with my feet. have fun with that mental image.

[@thathorrorlass]

Best comment 😂

[@JackiePearl]

😂😂😂

[@Pandozzi]

The fact this was written by a Mormon woman is just so poetic to me. Also, I can't help but wonder if the whole 'menstruation debacle' was ever addressed in the books? Like did Bella have to hide away from the Cullens during her time of the month, or are they all attracted to the smell of her blood with that being the exception? Is that a weird thing to wonder about? Asking for a friend who wonders about weird things

[@hhoneyglasss]

i read the books last school year, and this was constantly going thru my mind 😭😭 ig maybe they aren’t as hungry for that type of blood since it’s mixed w lining from the uterus?? bro idk the books make no sense sometimes istg 💀💀

[@some_condiment]

trust me, not all Mormon women are this kooky. i know many (being a Mormon myself) that are actually sane.

[@TheGeekyBanana]

Same weird shit I wondered when I read the book 😂😂🤷🏼‍♀️

[@katinthehat2871]

Allow me to answer your question, as a member of a twilight meme group that keeps up with Smeyer's updates: Menstrual blood is considered "dead blood" and therefore does not appeal to vampires

[@ladytopaz6358]

@@katinthehat2871 TL;DR Myers’ is bad at consistency/lore. I’m pretty sure Myers’ pulled that outta her ass because period blood is only dead blood if it’s dark. Like brown. Also even though period blood is less concentrated than regular blood it’s still blood. In the later books Bella got like a paper cut or something and one of the vampires went apeshit. Something tells me that her period would cause major issues (since period blood isn’t dead). Especially if she has heavy periods. I’d also imagine that if she wears diva cups during her period that make things even worst since it’s not getting absorbed. I personally think we where robbed of a good three chapters of the vampires trying to not maul Bella because she got in her period. Or the sexier version of which the vampires are trying to not eat out her pussy because she’s on her period. Two concepts that are vastly more interesting than the entire book/movie series.

[@hinduhillbilly]

I always thought it was weird that Meyer's vampires were cold and felt like marble statues. Not only does human/vampire sex sound painful, even vampire/vampire sexual activity sounds unpleasant. I just imagine them coming together and clacking like bowling balls. No thanks.

[@nightsgrow6575]

Haha I’m just visualizing a newtons cradle 😂

[@Duhgel]

LMAO HELP

[@Jacky.c.v]

There is a description of the clacking sound of kissing in one of the spin off books.

[@AllieBee00]

I’m at work and reading this I had to cover my mouth to keep from cackling like a dip shit.

[@ettaetta439]

So that's why they live so far away from each other and in the forest. Imagine living in an apartment complex and all of a sudden--*crash* *tumble* *vague sounds of cars crashing together*--start happening in the room right next to yours. You'd instantly call the police because it sounds like an earthquake just happened in the next room.

[@jamiekamihachi3135]

I’m starting to realize how incredibly likable Kristen Stewart’s take on Bella was.

[@rajneeshmeena6502]

It isn't Kristen's fault she was given a character with no personality to play

[@teodorapetkovic]

Gotta say, the intro of "Why Twilight is so bad? Books were invented..." is so on brand for every vide essay ever that I literally stopped the video to applaud.

[@marianamauricio]

almost 3 hours of alizee talking about a franchise i dont care about? lemme grab snacks

[@JackiePearl]

300! Lol

[@JadeIsChronicallyTired]

I always hated the 'we can stay longer in this town if we start younger', cuz highschool is undeniably the time that people tend to be most likely to change drastically. I knew a guy who grew like 6 inches taller over the course of the year. In Uni you will regularly see 18 yo and 40 yo interacting, people going for the first time or going back. You can have both grad and undergrad students in the same classes. No one takes your picture once a year and waits for you to definitely graduate in 4. You don't even necessarily have to be enrolled in a program to go to uni. Go be a baby faced professor

[@gothboithick]

to be fair, if they are all stuck mentally at about age 17 like Edward, it makes more sense for them to be at high school than college.

[@JadeIsChronicallyTired]

​@@gothboithick If you're talking mental/emotional maturity then yeah, I get you, but lots of kids at uni are emotionally immature, not to mention people who skip grades/have late birthdays can start uni at 17. But my argument is more from a purely looks perspective. It's way easier to hide for a really long time at a university. Especially if you do multiple majors. I'm 26 and occasionally take undergrad courses to beef up my grad program and people just kind of assume I'm younger than I am so it'd be easy to lie about how long you've been there / how old you are and people will generally believe you.

[@Teajay21]

Right it would make way more sense to start as college students! Then you can always go for further degrees or switch majors etc so you can stay for a long time w/o question & like you said actually physically fit in much better

[@mayrarara]

I didn’t expect you to quote My Immortal like that but it was everything I ever wanted

[@Luvcatz88]

Now I want a full dramatic read by her

[@ursamellis264]

I am so GLAD you mentioned the problems with “unconditional love”. I was thinking about this today and have felt this for a long time (being in the domestic violence field). There SHOULD be conditions to love if it’s a healthy relationship. Like respect, constructive communication, self-awareness, emotional vulnerability and intelligence, trust, etc. Those should be part of the “price of admission” to be with you, and if you don’t pay, you can’t play.

[@kinkanalchemist]

Also, sometimes the best way to love someone who is doing wrong is to let them experience the consequences of their actions! They may need jail time and (strictly speaking about the perp and not the victims, obviously the victims’ needs are more important) that may be the push they need to reevaluate their choices

[@1998foxpad]

Yup if my kid became a war criminal im not loving them anymore lmao soz

[@nessyness5447]

Yeah the only one you should love unconditionally is your pet, your baby or your baby pet.

[@ZestyAqua]

Been through domestic violence- agreed. Many know nothing about trauma bonding nor have healthy examples anywhere to pull from even in fiction.

[@ZestyAqua]

@@1998foxpad Good boundaries. Disown the war criminal or late term abortion consideration for crimes against humanity? Options is my point. Decided to have no children at all. My dog might become a war criminal before he dies? Idk. Hopefully not.

[@thatfunnycripple]

"Charlie, Dr Cullen isn't gonna fuck you" i wish he would, it'd be a more interesting plotline than bella and edward

[@psuedomyspace]

You are, unironically, right

[@kilibubblecata6266]

Everything Bella does/thinks, especially in relation to Edward, is basically a symptom of borderline personality disorder. Becoming completely obsessed with him immediately, her equally-obsessive fear of being abandoned by him, falling into a near-catatonic level of depression whenever he does (temporarily) abandon her, basing her entire self-worth and sense of identity on him, and, in the later books, intentionally engaging in risky and self-harming behaviors to fill the empty void that her life is without him. Honestly if I didn't know any better, I'd think Meyer were basing her character off of the actual symptoms in DSM. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 24, but by my guess it started when I was only about 12 or 13 (you have to be in your 20s before getting diagnosed with a personality disorder, or at least that was the case when I was). And in real life, maintaining relationships with BPD, when it's not under control, is a fucking nightmare. The best case scenario is the other person gets scared away pretty early on, but the worst case is that both people end up traumatized to some extent. I have been in a healthy, loving relationship for almost a decade now, but that is in spite of having BPD, not because of it. I've learned to manage it through therapy, and I was also just unbelievably lucky enough to find someone who has been/is exceedingly patient with me. And before this relationship, there were five others that were complete disasters. It used to really bother and almost kind of offend me to see Bella be rewarded for all the behavior that in reality makes people's lives hell, but now that I'm old enough to see that Edward is obviously abusive and controlling (and probably has ASPD or something himself) I realize it's not even really a "reward" in the first place. Now it just makes me wonder what Meyer's own relationships must be/have been like for her to portray clear emotional instability and possible mental illness as "true love".

[@ezra5420]

The problem is that you're modeling your own real-world teenage experience on that of a fictional character in a fantasy world. The situation Bella finds herself in is unprecedented and no human has ever experienced it, because vampires do not exist. Who knows how a human being, especially Bella's age, would react in such a situation ? Stephenie Meyer is a decent writer, as far as I can tell she's not sensational, but she's someone who went to college and knows how to build a story. When you write a novel you necessarily distance yourself from your novel, even if Twilight is undoubtedly the result of Meyer's fantasy, it's still just fantasy. So the whole "Meyer must have been traumatized too", is a weird take for me. Also, assuming someone's traumas is even weirder, I don't think we should speculate about this.

[@Xehanort10]

The worst part is Meyer portrays Bella doing suicidal things to hallucinate Edward as her just really loving and missing him even though she's obsessed with him not in love.

[@Ozzie_Mandias]

Sadly as someone diagnosed with it repeatedly... I would have to say that is sadly spot on. But sadly it does not matter... because unless I want to lobotomize myself... I will keep repeating my patters because the truth is... it is such a rush.

[@the_last_ballad]

@@ezra5420 I'm pretty sure their take is "WTF how is she portraying the symptoms of BPD so accurately, and why is it being depicted _as a good thing?_ Myer, are you ok?" Because while vampires don't exist, how Bella is acting does, in fact, exist in this reality that does not contain vampires, so why would the conclusion of "well clearly it's the vampires" make sense? "Who knows how a teen Bella's age would react in such a situation?" Other teens in the book aren't acting the same way as Bella, and, in case you forgot, Bella's mind being different than the other kids, leading Edward to not be able to read it, is a plot point. So clearly she's not just a normal teen under a vampire's spell, the book pushes the fact that there's something different about her constantly. Also, they're not modeling their teen years off of Twilight(or do you mean projecting?), they are recognizing similarities between their behavior as a BPD afflicted teen with Bella's actions as Myer protrayed them. And considering we diagnose mental illness based off of the subjects behavior and moods... well it's not an unreasonable interpretation, especially when it fits that well. And this person isn't the only one with BPD that is getting flashbacks to their own teen years over Bella's behavior. Another commented about how Bella's weird "just knowing things about people" is like how they assumed they knew how other people felt, without evidence of such, in their teens. People write based off their own experiences unintentionally all the time, and there are plenty of authors who found out that they have a condition after writing a book and the main character coming across that way despite it not being a conscious choice to write them in that way. So it's not unreasonable to think that Myer might be another one.

[@AmyAberrant]

That makes me wonder if all these terrible romance writers just have undiagnosed bpd

[@audreybourgeois4626]

Meyer seems to suffer from this strange syndrome where she makes incredibly interesting side characters and then hardly does anything with them. I want to hear Jasper's story, what Alice did when she awoke without memories, and all about Emmet's bear vendetta. A horror movie of Rosalie killing all those men who murdered her wouldn't go amiss either.

[@CatChaos369]

Honestly Myer does good horror and suspense accidently so having a book about Roses past that sees her go from victim to avenging murderess would be sick especially given her grief of the life she should have had lost and having to stay with the cullens or be alone

[@notamoose2070]

Bella's dad/Dr Cullen is a better love story than Twilight, within Twilight, and that hurts my brain.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

I rather read about adventures of Carlile Charlie, and Billy as Vampire hunters.

[@wyatt778]

Charlie slobbering over a 100+ year old man (Carlisle) seemed more interesting to me than a 100+ year old man (Edward) slobbering over Bella

[@clammycammy7024]

“In that smash-hit Thriller: The Bible” I’m dying over this 😂

[@strawberryjam6235]

To be fair some messed up shit happens in the bible

[@emiliacrowe1860]

I can clarify on the creosote thing: It's actually a kind of bush that grows here in the southwest united states. It does produce a resin which can be used for stuff like waterproofing, but for people who lives here, it's mostly notable for it's distinct scent, especially after rain. Meyer actually got that detail completely correct lmao, when I moved away from Arizona for a time it was absolutely something that I missed.

[@NotAnotherKuromi]

Ooh I didn't know it was an actual plant! Is that what makes the tar creosote that we paint wood with? Also does it smell the same?

[@emiliacrowe1860]

@@NotAnotherKuromi yes, that’s where it comes from!! It’s got this waxy coating over the leaves and bark, and that’s what’s extracted and used for waterproofing wood. I haven’t personally used it before, so I can’t say if it smells exactly the same, but I’d imagine it’s still recognizable as creosote. It’s a very pleasant and distinctive smell :)

[@lindseyspuria424]

Alizee disappears and returns with another banger

[@maybemablemaples2144]

Robert Patterson was right and was definitely robbed. He's amazing in The Lighthouse and the movies do nothing to show it. He got his bag and never looked back and I totally respect that.

[@Xehanort10]

I'm interested to see his version of Batman this year.

[@daydream5120]

This is why I respect him

[@happygoathorror]

I always liked him but started to love that guy because of the way he hated on the franchise in interviews, but in the most polite and British way possible 😂

[@wyatt778]

And now he was amazing in The Batman movie

[@Pandachu123]

And he's in The Boy and the Heron now! I didn't even realize it, either. He's really talented as a voice actor.

[@agoodnightmoon]

Combining Edward with the abusive Christian guy I dated in my twenties: “Bella, why are you having your period in your own home? You wouldn’t want to cause me to stumble would you?”

[@heather_doestruecrime]

Ugh, so glad you got out of that!

[@fuccwit9098]

We’re you supposed to bleed in the woods or something? What the fuck?

[@VegemiteQueen1]

STOP TEMPTING ME WITH YOUR WOMANLINESS!

[@flyingmintbunny1286]

God i used to get told to stop it, my period is irregularly short as is and my ex wanted it to go from 3 days to 2 hours.. like what..??

[@mariya_tortilla]

@@flyingmintbunny1286 i WISH we could make our periods stop on a dime

[@NotAnotherKuromi]

Whenever Edward cradled Bella's face in his hands I kept thinking of the Gordon Ramsay meme where he puts bread on either side of the woman's face & calls her an idiot sandwich! Also I really enjoyed this, you made salient points, were amusing & delivered it in a passionate yet not overly dramatic manner. I look forward to more similar thoroughly entertaining content from you.

[@HeraThea]

I too reread the books as an adult and I'm SLAVING THROUGH IT, Edward is terrible to her all the time. People don't believe me when I tell them the movies were way better than the books

[@AspienWaifu]

One of the few instances in which the movies are SO much better than the books lol it happens, but I feel like it's rarely to this extent 😆

[@renee8833]

I could not make it past the first chapter. She writes like a 5th grader.

[@dolphone6748]

One time I watched half of the movie with my friend and the tension was so low that by the middle of it, I felt like I'd just meditated

[@122wannabe]

@@AspienWaifu which is funny because even the movies were worse than i remembered

[@JayRedGear]

Well, I believe. Jesus, the book is so much worse.

[@zaramikazuki8374]

Coming back to this video... so I'm not the only person who was angry and salty about Jacob's character assassination. It's easily the worst case I've ever seen. I genuinely like Twilight and New Moon Jacob... then suddenly Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Jacob just felt like another character altogether. Like the original, kinder soul was displaced by this nasty, abusive soul.

[@noelbernabe8704]

I think that's what happens when you become a werewolf. You're unable to control your emotions and you become a jerk. We see that when Jacob threatened to put Mike in the hospital in New Moon when they went to the movies with Bella. Jacob wasn't the same person after he phased.

[@Nathi98]

Something similar happened in the Spanish show Cable Girls, Lidia/Fransico were supposed to be endgame but they set up Lidia/Carlos so well: there was insane chemistry between the actors, they went through heaven & hell together in their storylines, they had a healthy friendship with flirting before they started dating, they are both very pretty people & they wanted to become better people after meeting eachother (he stopped being a womaniser & she stopped emotionally walling people out of her life) So what did they do in S4 to drive home "hey that's not endgame"? Assassinate Carlos' character altogether & kill him the next

[@ravyn2817]

@@noelbernabe8704 I think it had more to do with Meyer realizing people preferred Jake over Edward, so she assassinated his character to appear the lesser option to Edward.

[@noelbernabe8704]

@@ravyn2817 Honestly I doubt Meyers cared whether or not some people preferred Jacob (and I say SOME because clearly plenty of people supported both). The entire Twilight campaign was built around asking fans to choose between team Edward and team Jacob, and Meyers likely made millions off of it. Was Jacob written as a jerk in Eclipse? Yes, but so was Edward and Bella for that matter. Jacob sexually assaults Bella, Bella cheats on Edward the day after she agreed to marry him, and Edward basically has Alice kidnap Bella. They were all pretty terrible.

[@gothboithick]

@@noelbernabe8704 in that last paragraph, Jacob’s offense still sounds much worse than the other two.

[@Jvsa]

"I've had enough. I'm bathing this book in holy water ! Stephanie Meyer, how can you be mormon and yet still need Jesus so badly ?" 💀💀💀💀💀 this is peak content and I'm so glad I have snacks and pizza for this.

[@j.p.2636]

I had to pause the video I was laughing at this line so much. Then I had to go tell my kids about the line.

[@phoenixwrites7181]

As someone who grew up in a desert, you CANNOT convince me that Bella would hate snow that much. We never get it so it’s always a fun change of pace and it usually means a day off of school cuz we don’t know how to drive on icy roads. Like, even if she wouldn’t get school off for it it would be exciting, she would 100% have the association of snow = no school. I don’t care if she hates rain snow is different.

[@theanxiouslegume9280]

I can't imagine Bella's blood as tasting like anything but actual flowers when vampires describe her scent as "floral"

[@mjm3091]

I mean some flowers are actually kinda tasty.

[@theanxiouslegume9280]

@@mjm3091 Even for a carnivore?

[@irradiated_woman8016]

Well, theres rosewater, orange blossom... both used to flavor desserts. Then dont forget jasmine tea, honeysuckle, any number of things. Not much in the book makes any kind of sense, but I can kind of see the floral = tasty and alluring thing..

[@theanxiouslegume9280]

@@irradiated_woman8016 Maybe so, but the imagery I get is someone taking a flower straight from the ground and shoving it in their mouth. Flowers can be used as garnish, and the flowers Edward specifically mentioned are edible, but the image won't leave.

[@ladytopaz6358]

My personal head-cannon is that Bella’s blood taste floral as in floral perfume. So like the most disgusting shit you could taste so that’s why all the vampires want to eat her. Because they’ve never tasted blood so disgusting.

[@WolfGoddess77]

Can I just say, I _love_ how you read the lines with a clear "I'm better than you" snobby air? That is total Bella Swan, for all that Meyer tries to insist that she's humility personified.

[@JoeG-do7ed]

“Get a life. Go away. Grow up” - Wise words from the great Alizee

[@DaraJill]

That's a phrase for merch if I ever saw one.

[@callyb.8322]

To me the twilight renaissance isn't about saying "hey it wasn't that bad people just hated on it for the sake of hating on it" it's more about how we now recognise how actually fucking awful it was but it had potential and people are expressing their disappointment of it by completely reimagining it and going "well fuck you Steph it looks like I'll have to do it myself" P.s. the sapphic reimaginings are the best for me I'm in love with all of the female side characters

[@hinasakukimi]

this

[@maybemablemaples2144]

@Plsh P0n oh yeah for sure. Girls should be allowed to like stuff. But Twilight was not it. We just need to do better for girls in terms of entertainment. Or at least be like, yeah you can enjoy it but teach em why it's shit. Hold on lemme shame a neckbeard for liking GOT the show and not the books. It'll balance the scales ⚖ 😌

[@hinasakukimi]

@Plsh P0n yeah i remember guys (and some girls, including me during my 'not like other girls' phase) would constantly shit on it for being a vampire romance novel, but that isn't the problem. conceptually, human/vampire romance slaps. the problem is that the two leading characters suck.

[@whiteraven562]

@Plsh P0n There were so many people who dumped on Twilight for having vampires that sparkled as if that was the worst sin the series had committed.

[@Xehanort10]

Problem is a lot of the fanbase are now trying to force people to like it by claiming they're sexist if they don't. Disliking a series with a boring story, complete blanks with no personality passed off as characters, bad acting, an abuser portrayed as a loving boyfriend, Bella being a selfish whiner who thinks the world revolves around her, Jacob going from incel to paedophile and so on isn't sexism.

[@hamvulture]

the amount of rent-free space that song from lion king 2 has taken up in my mind is unspeakable and I rarely encounter anyone who actively remembers it so I was GAGGED

[@rachael5807]

I've found my people

[@sweesbees]

that song is like a sleeper agent that activates the immediate i hear the word deception

[@FSEThompson]

@@sweesbees DiSgrAAaaAaaaAcE

[@Xehanort10]

It was the only decent early 2000's animated Disney sequel.

[@annikaskulander2760]

Plot twist; Charlie heard Edward entering Bella's room all the time and thought she was sneaking out. That's why he disconnected her car battery when the roads were too dangerous or he heard about the rapists and/or people being killed in the next town.

[@MrsSoapAndClay]

I feel like we all just ran a marathon together, uphill, through a blizzard, and somehow managed to survive. Huge thanks to Alizee for subjecting herself to this hot garbage mess of a book for our entertainment.

[@p0t.n00dle4]

I remember loving these books so much when I was an autistic tween with no friends who couldn't seem to fit in anywhere, being forced to move to the UK from a super warm and sunny country. Ofc in the end I got diagnosed and found people who were like me to fit in with, so I grew out of them. I know they objectively suck but twilight will always have a place in my heart tbh.

[@imnickij]

I knew these books were bad, but my god when you hear it from an adult perspective...in what world does a policeman allow his daughter to continue seeing the guy he thinks has caused all this? And how much more interesting would it have been if they had actually been forced apart by their parents? Might have made an ounce of the plot relatable.

[@icravedeath.1200]

We'll, the police do pretext abusers.

[@Drazex]

Rewatching this video, I just realized a really amusing irony: bringing up reading Emily Bronte in a book that fetishizes toxic relationships. I actually loved _Wuthering Heights_ when I read it back in high school, because it was such an amusing deconstruction of exactly what _Twilight_ celebrates. You have a toxic guy trying to be extra toxic to drive away a girl who's obsessed with him, and yet Bronte's work is embracing him being a monster and the lesson of the novel is when the female lead _finally_ takes off the rose-tinted glasses to realize that he is every bit as toxic as he kept telling her he was from the beginning. Meyer's version of Heathcliff is somehow the romantic hero... It's... bizarre.

[@Xehanort10]

These bad romance authors think referencing better films, books and plays than theirs puts them on that level but it doesn't.

[@hb4080]

Absolutely! I have no idea, if it's true, but it seems to me Meyer (a lot of YA romance authors actually) deeply and thoroughly misunderstand the points of the classics, they are referencing (and quite frankly, to me it feels like bragging, like they are the first people in history to ever read those books, "look at me I'm so smart"- vibe). It's like they read those works and never got them on more than surface level. They want to sound intellectual but fail gloriously. It reminds me of the time when the Colbert Report aired and some alt-right people were celebrating it, not understanding it was satire...

[@PandaBearsXc]

I didn't remember Charlie lusting after Carlisle. What a lovely discovery. 🤣

[@MOONSUN4Life]

You totally got me with that faux intro to your essay, and I was intrigued as to how the origin of books would all tie in with _Twilight_ ... Well done, Master Trollo. Not that I'm disappointed you skipped the history lesson, mind you. Also: I want a shirt that says "Laughs in British".

[@Amanda-kd1zr]

You know...I realize why I liked this at 12/13. I was a pale, brown haired, shy girl and I constantly pictured myself in the story...I didn't think in such rude manner about the people around me but...I was also from rainy western Washington and found it cozy...lots of projection...

[@mjm3091]

did you come there with your cactus from Phoenix as well?

[@Amanda-kd1zr]

@@mjm3091 lol no. I already lived there, in a 600 person town, the first 18 years of my life

[@queerlibtardhippie9357]

I'm not white or even remotely like Bella, I just liked this for no reason 😭 no excuse and i still can't come up with one. Twilight just hits different

[@mophead_xu]

i mean ... i think (almost) accidentally fiction MCs the readers can easily project themselves into is a literary genre of its own. it's sort of y/n except your name is the character's name, lol. that's kinda why i don't really jive with criticisms of those types of works that only or put heavy emphasis on bashing the protagonists. the protagonists being a blank sheet has a purpose! and if a lot of people are into it then it has done its job well! there's plenty of other things to criticise with works like twilight or after; the protagonists being "blank" i think isn't exactly one of them.

[@ravenderamos5248]

My friends and I loved twilight back in middle school when it was popular. And like you, I associated with bella being thin, white with brown hair and brown eyes. My friends even gave me the nickname of Bella. (It was a compliment at the time) now i am seriously wondering how I could have liked such mediocre drivel or how I found edward so irresistibly attractive. Thank god, no toxic Edward's did come in my life during that vulnerable phase of my teen years. BUT in all fairness, twilight ignited my love of reading and writing.

[@raelag1351]

“Stephanie Meyer, how can you be a Mormon and still need Jesus so badly?” Quite literally spat out my water 💀 peak content!

[@peach_levell]

Alice asking permission to carry Bella is so cute, they should have been endgame

[@setofreakinkaiba8553]

I wanted to say that I read books like this growing up. It was hard for me to make friends and I had struggled with depression due to having an illness. The supernatural element drew me to them and after twilight, many books seemed the same. Promoting toxic ideals. I unfortunately have been taught the things protagonists like Bella do is okay. With being in an abusive household and being promoted toxic books and movies... I ended up in a toxic relationship. Thanks to people like you, I have hope that others will be more aware of what they read.

[@HeraThea]

3rd comment because the books enrage me Stephanie is a TERRRIBLE author. She added sk many unnecessary scenes, Edward and Bella were CONSTANTLY fighting, Edward was the absolute worst for NO reason, even after Bella already knew. The movies really did a LOT to clean up Stephanie's mess of writing. I've read fanfictions that were better

[@ZestyAqua]

Think a lot of Edward being a prick has to do with being alive 107 yrs. Humans our species is pretty awful. I wanted to die at 18 yrs old. I'm hoping the Grim reaper and I can finally fully commit asshole has been teasing me for far too long. Anyhow, I agree. The movies to me weren't the best and the writing just wasn't that good at all. Guess if I was a sparkly old vampire trapped in high school I'd be a douchbag too. I agree at least get a PHD geez. Bella is not a character I enjoy. Did enjoy this review and video.

[@jenisekirk980]

Reading it right now and the sheer amount of passive voice makes me want to hurl the book out the window. I have a hard time believing an editor ever worked on it, let alone skimmed through it.

[@natalieh6269]

I don't understand the fanfic haters. I've read some absolutely phenomenal fics (and come across some complete garbage) over the last 20 years. Using fics as the standard of 'bad' to work from is so disrespectful. Twilight is a poorly written pile of steaming garbage; people don't need to disparage other's work to say so.

[@Emily-df9dk]

Edward seeing Bella as a pet is the explanation we’ve all been waiting for to why in the world he says, “Hold on tight, spider monkey.”

[@saipandevo]

Sorry, I am still going through the video, but Bella's essay topic at 1:06:17 is just... she wanted to be an English Lit major? For one, that is such a broad topic that it's going to be extremely hard to write on; Shakespeare wrote 38 plays (assuming that she's going to limit it to just the plays) which is a lot to get through which means she would have to know them all well enough to pull a representative sample of female characters from them along with noting any potential outliers (if present) and why their treatment is an outlier along with having enough time and space within her essay to build her argument as to why this shows that Shakespeare's treatment of characters is misogynistic and to build a defense against potential counter-arguments, but maybe I missed a part wherein she mentions doing it on a specific play. For another, it's just not very interesting. It's not that this argument can't be done- it has, in fact, many times though those tend to be older scholars-, but as Alizee said, it can kinda just be handwaved away by going 'different time periods'; but it also does not foster intriguing discussion? Like, it's very basic. She'd be better off choosing at least a type of play if not focusing on one play in specific. Like, "is Shakespeare's treatment of women in Romeo and Juliet misogynistic?" or, perhaps if you want to narrow it further, "how does the misogyny present in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet influence the events of the play?" Shakespeare is a rich topic, and it's a bit frustrating to see it being used like this. And I'm not even someone who studies Shakespeare or his time period.

[@elizabethb4168]

It's honestly a weird take for an essay anyway, cuz it REALLY depends on the play. Cuz some plays, yeah, there's plenty of sexism, but there are others that have really strong female leads! So if her argument is that all of Shakespeare is misogynistic...that's a boring, basic, uneducated take. I don't think writing it off as "different times" makes sense, cuz regardless of what was normal in what time period, there's nuance to history and to society, so it's possible to have an actually interesting discussion about how sexism comes up in old literature and the like. There's an interesting discussion to be had if you compare different plays and how characters are handled in them, how much is just reflecting norms of the time vs mocking them vs actively endorsing them, does the sexism have a purpose, was Shakespeare's sexism normal for the time or was it more extreme or was it actually not that severe by comparison, etc. Also! You could examine if there's a difference between his earlier plays and his later ones, see if there's a noticable trend of his portrayals of women becoming more or less sexist over time. But no, nothing like that, just, "man from ye olden times sexist haha" Sorry, I'm a theatre kid with an interest in history

[@EveLavellan]

I was in a lecture class about the history of video games and there was this one girl who made everything about her while also doing almost no work (her animation final looked exactly like the frames were done in MS paint and put together with Microsoft Slides how or whatever, I'm not exaggerating.) She chose to cover "women being portrayed badly in games" spending 2 minutes talking about how she has sisters, then proceeding to make no useful or new points, just "look how they're dressed sexy compared to the men or have to be saved" I shit you not. Were it me I'd have honed in on BioShock Infinite's team fighting go get Elizabeth on the cover or same with Last of Us or Ubisoft's "women are too hard to animate" in AC Unity (this was before the other games and the awful misconduct stories broke.) That's all I could think about when she said she was doing an essay on Shakespeare and misogyny, which felt so lazy to begin with.

[@SilentProti]

You're so right! I'm from Europe but still, in extended classes of my native language we were writing essays more like the topics you proposed, or using important works of the era we were discussing, using 3-4 works would be enough. I can't imagine any *high school* would expect you to know the entire works of an author, even if it's Shakespeare. Even at my university in English philology we didn't have a whole semester of literature class dedicated to one author until later years.

[@paperigangsta]

that sounds more of a topic of someone's master's or something that an academic might study fo years hahah

[@mandy4898]

"...for Juliet wills it so!"

[@turtlearmyjess6147]

Wait this 3 hours is just for book 1? And you're going to be doing all of them? Truly incredible, thank you

[@idontknowher8698]

i went on ao3 as soon as you read that passage of charlie obsessing over how hot daddy cullen is. lmao you really beat me to it when you confirmed IT IS a thing seconds later

[@janahijoori5719]

Charlie x edwards dad would be a better love story

[@mjm3091]

Charlie x Edward would probably be a better love story as well.

[@idontknowher8698]

@@janahijoori5719 one fanfic later and you're totally right! better love story that twilight lol

[@jamiethegaymie]

Twilight was such a weird phenomenon, because it was extremely popular and yet some of the girls that liked it were very much like "I'm not like other girls, I'm in love with a vampire/werewolf 😌" and yet the girls who didn't like it were like "I'm not like other girls, I hate Twilight and everyone that likes it"

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

I remember I was 15 when the first movie came out and I became obsessed, though I hadn't read the books. By the time Eclipse (the movie) came out, I was already "2 deep 2 cool" for Twilight. In hindsight I was just as pretentious as Bella, but thankfully I grew out of it lol.

[@bfftalk123]

i am so excited for the emotional roller coaster this next 3 hours is gonna be thank u miss yeezy

[@noone-gf5op]

can we just acknowledge how unbelievably comfortable and immersive it is to listen to Alizee literally read a WHOLE ASS book and just dunk on it the whole time?

[@Shmaples]

I was curious about the "rainiest city" thing and my consensus is that Forks has some of the most cloudy/rainy days in the region/country. Which kind of make sense when the vamps want to avoid the sun and don't necessarily require lots of rain. Even granting this, there are so many legit plot holes and silly bullshit in this series, the fact that Forks may work as a small town these vampires might actually choose to live is a small victory for Miss Meyer lol.

[@theloveandcookiesgal]

loving the music of the 50s, absolutely hating the 60s & 70s, but coming around again during the EIGHTIES is the most unrealistic thing in this book

[@AllieBee00]

Absolute facts coming from someone who listened to each at some point you literally can’t jump 50s to 80s. I read that line recently and had straight whiplash.

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

@@AllieBee00 The first time I read that part I wanted to punch Edward in the face lol.

[@forgotmyun]

Edward was into Michael Bolton and Bryan Adams let’s be real

[@cayleece7890]

6:16 yes the song is called *"One of Us"* and it goes: 🎶 Deception, Disgrace Evil as plain as the scar on his face 🎶 And it slaps.

[@josephdavis9234]

Someone once lied to us. Now we're not so blind.

[@yuyuyashasrain]

We knew he would do what he’s done

[@lesleyk3793]

“Charlie, Dr Cullen is not going to fuck you” SENT ME 💀

[@brookerasnick2040]

as an american, it’s a common conception that washington is the rainiest state. i just learned in this video that it’s not even in the top 10 lmao. in films, tv, books, that take place in washington it’s always raining. icarly for example

[@damascus9876]

1:25:31 let's also not forget the reason Billy knows the legends are true is because his tribe was almost wiped out by vampires before....like even after Bella finds out about the Cullens and the story of how the werewolves came to be, she acts so childish about them not trusting the Cullens. Bruh.....a mere TWO vampires almost eradicated them out of existence! So I'd forgive the dude for being suspicious of an ENTIRE FAMILY OF SEVEN showing up out of nowhere generations later claiming "Oh don't worry we TOTALLY don't eat people!" The only reason a treaty even exists is because Carlisle knows and respects this, so he (presumably) worked hard to prove they could be trusted. But ya know, Bella showed up two seconds ago and every boy wants to date her so she's clearly an expert on generational trauma.

[@noelbernabe8704]

She's not an expert on generation trauma... but she arguably is more an expert on the Cullens than Billy. Because she actually bothered getting to know them. It's something Billy should have at least considered. He had a lot of prejudices against vampires, which is understandable. But the only real way to get past that is to get to know them. The fact that the treaty exists at all (a threaty the wolves broke in one way or another in literally every book even thought the Cullens didnt) is because Ephraim Black had some degree of trust in the Cullens. IF Billy can't trust the Cullens or Bella, at least trust Ephraim. Maybe he knew what he was doing.

[@wyatt778]

@@noelbernabe8704Idk man I wouldnt wanna get all cozy w a family associated thats kinda part of the people that almost literally eradicated my family either

[@noelbernabe8704]

@@wyatt778 I get that. But at the same time, it wasn't the Cullens that did that. Don't get me wrong. I understand being wary of vampires (though arguably the same argument can be applied to werewolves). But at a certain point it probably is in everyone's best interest if everyone in the least can get along, if not outright being able to cooperatively work together when needed. And obviously we know that's what ends up happening. Cullens aren't that bad at all once you get to know them. It's just a matter of taking that first step, which understandably is difficult.

[@mlee_wood3778]

I just watched a video ripping apart the Edward pov book and loved it. Long videos annihilating horrible books are the best

[@kit922]

Share the wealth!

[@mlee_wood3778]

@@kit922 it was a video from KrimsonRogue.

[@cryforhelp7270]

Ah yes, book Jesus.

[@heather_doestruecrime]

I definitely agree with others commenting the relationships are MAJORLY abusive and toxic. I remember being semi into the first movie because my sister was obsessed but the one where it revealed Jacob was with their DAUGHTER flung me into another dimension of creepiness & I tapped out

[@rinamine]

wait, WHAT?? i know nothing about twilight and haven't even finished watching this video yet, so forgive me if i'm wrong, but i thought jacob was a love interest for bella. but he gets with her DAUGHTER??? WHAT??? like, i've only heard memes about him imprinting on bella's baby or something, but this is insane. imagine knowing your partner when they were a baby... AND after having dated(?) their mother before all that... i feel sick.

[@bisexualdisasterlol]

This. And the fact Jacob casually went, "Yeah, I only liked you for your baby," was so insanely weird and pe*ophilic. It always is the thing that will forever gross me out most about this series.

[@annabeinglazy5580]

@@rinamine oooh wait for book 2, 3 and 4. Meyer tries desperately Not to turn it into grooming and fails spectacularly. Basically Jacob's people (omg there really is No way to Word this without being effing offensive...) Have a Kind of genetic Magic that Bonds them to their perfect Mate. That Kicks in when Baby is Born. ... Yupp, she turned the native characters into biologically determined groomers and tries to make it romantic. The Rest of the books is "problematic" but that makes me want to move to a different Planet.

[@rinamine]

@@annabeinglazy5580 thanks! i hate it! seriously, every time i think it can't get any worse... IT DOES

[@FauxGemini]

@@rinamine I know in advance this is going to be really esoteric but as someone who reads history quite a bit that's actually apparently not far off from how Stalin met his second wife. He knew (and lived with I think??) the family at one point and some people speculate he might've been involved with the mom. He saved their child from drowning in the sea as a toddler and then went on to marry her when she was 17. I always thought all that was just generally a really weird turn of events and this is 100% reminding me of that again.

[@HeraThea]

Upon rereading I got so mad at Bella for being such an ass to Charlie all the time when all he does is love and care for her. She literally got in a fight with Edward because she refused to even mention that she was going to have someone with her on her trip to Seattle

[@FauxGemini]

Honestly, Charlie kinda reminded me of my own dad (I grew up mostly without a mom figure and in western WA so there was a parallel there) and because of that even as a tween/teen I was really aware of how she treated him and felt really bad for him. ☹️

[@noelbernabe8704]

As far as saying all Charlie does is love and care for her... remember that Charlie is the guy who in Eclipse literally congratulated Jacob when he found out he sexually assaulted her. And he even threatened to arrest Bella for assaulting Jake when she broke her hand attempting to defend herself from Jake forcing himself on her. As both a father and law enforcement officer, that left a lot to be desired. If Bella doesn't show Charlie respect, maybe there's a reason for it. Just saying.

[@ravyn2817]

@@noelbernabe8704 Smeyer saw people relating to Charlie so she assassinated his character, thus making people hate him again. That’s the only book he does a complete 180 with the stereotypical gruff, dumb, dismissive dad bit. Every other book, he’s a full fledged sympathetic character.

[@noelbernabe8704]

@@ravyn2817 Just me personal opinion, but I don't think it was a personal assassination on the character, because I'm not sure Meyers actually realized just how vile Charlie actually was there. It SHOULD have been obvious, but I think she and frankly a LOT of readers just sort of let that slide. Book Charlie is still almost universally loved as far as I can tell, even though I personally lost any and all respect for him. Movie Charlie is still cool though. Or at least okay. His reaction was at least more neutral.

[@natasha8966]

Really? Charlie never really saw Bella while she was growing what 2 weeks a year, not dad of the year by any stretch. If he wanted to be in her life don’t you think he would of made more effort.

[@alilolfox]

As someone who’s never read or watched Twilight, this just seems like a teenage girls Wattpad fan fiction

[@petloverspy]

I read them as a tween even though I hated the romance, just because I was unaware of any other modern vampire fiction and pretty desperate for it, and uh. Yeah. It really does have so, so many fanfiction tropes, but made so much more disturbing by its being published and being so popular.

[@PenelopeAlys]

It's a fanfiction of a MCR fanfic lmao

[@FauxGemini]

@@PenelopeAlys Wait, are you for real?

[@markhor468]

Bella is insufferable, but I must admit, I probably would have related to her a lot back when the books came out. I never read them though, because I was just too edgy and cool to like the stuff everyone likes or, you know, to like anything.

[@4mitchelld]

"I hate Bella, I wish James had eaten her." Everyone who hates Bella or/and Twilight in general: "SO DO WE!!!"

[@seleuf]

25:44 holy heck, you made Twilight's setting sound cosy af. Well done!

[@dah3071]

modern day vampires always irked me with their strength, basically being faster than light and being able to sub zero your skull from your body with one hand, in mythology they were strong but more in the sense of the peak human condition, so fighting one would be incredibly difficult for the average human but not wholly bloody impossible

[@Fesquishety]

Upon revisiting this series, it reads like what Mr onion's writing might have eventually been like with a lot of rewrites and an editor. The similarities are... Quite something.

[@abbyz13]

And now this comparison will forever live in my head

[@noel090909]

@@abbyz13 Same

[@pinkbunny6272]

It feels weird to think this... But it's kind of truthful

[@SamnissArandeen]

...we haven't ever seen them in the same room at the same time!

[@bashbashfulsson4540]

That's appalling to imagine, but you're right.

[@marteerens]

Most upsetting to me was that Edward lived through the 50s, 60s and 70s, and didn't like the 60s and 70s music, but found the 80s "bearable"???? Wtf, you're telling me he witnessed The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Cream, The Kinks, Janis Joplin, the fucking Woodstock festival, and this dude was like "yeah that shit sucks, but at least the fucking 10 minute November Rain shit is alright"

[@moaPro]

LMAO he’s even more unlikeable somehow

[@louvienne531]

“That’s because Edward was spying on her from the trees like some sort of sloth pervert” TOOK ME OUT 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Feverm00n]

A nearly 3 hour video of Alizee narrating most of Twilight with increasing frustration, punctuated with exasperated reactions is the best possible way I could think to spend my evening. I can’t wait for the next ones!

[@Emily-ck9ji]

Man. I wasn't a big fan of the series (books or movies) growing up, but my best friend had been so I'd suck it up and watch it. Back then I just looked at the series as.. corny "Vampire Light" because they didn't fit the usual mold of the vampire mythos. And they sparkled in the sunlight - that drove me INSANE. Looking back at it now? The entire series' plot and all the relationships therein are some of the creepiest and most problematic I've seen. Several hundred year old vampires hanging out at highschools with underage children rather than putting the setting in college is ick.. but the whole Jacob imprinting on a newborn baby makes me gag. The relationships were unhealthy, stalkery, and abusive. And Bella had ZERO personality. None. But she's the most AMAZING person in the world! So pretty, so smart, so brave, so angsty, so deep. Mary Sue - thy name is Bella Swan. Just .. wtf Stephanie Myers? The acting was garbage, but it's because the characters were written by a terrible author.

[@momoring9247]

Honestly just a very wierd series, like how is a 100 vampire who wants to suck the life out of you, sneaks into you bedroom and watches you sleep, and follows you is romantic? also what does bella have to offer? she has no hobbies that are frequently mentioned in the series, her grades and intelligience was also not mentioned, she has no personality but everyone is just so inlove with her?

[@mjm3091]

To be fair the vampire lore in this series is actually the most solid part of it. Historically we literally have things like vampires who are giant blood meatbags, so a crystallised diamond skinned vampires is a fun concept. Especially as it is based on science where crystal structures are some of the more durable materials.

[@mjm3091]

@@momoring9247 she is self-insert. And she was just the "nice" girl with semi-ok looks. The fact people went after her wasn't that far fetched. In school she was the fresh meat, for Jacob she was the childhood big sis thirst. For Edward she was magical enigma and a literal blood snack. His interest in her was more about mystery and his own feelings and obsession. I mean he spend 100 years knowing everything about everyone. An enigma who could actually suprise him would be a perfect match for him. The creepy Edward shiet was also nicely expanded in Midnight Sun - he is the monster at the end. I don't think that this part was ever supposed to be romantic. The issue was in fandom who actually thought it was cute. And the fact that Bella was a massive weirdo. Meyer definitely fecked up writing on that first book, as well. Which like - expecting her to be the best writer out there is kinda unfair. Not her fault this crap got popular, lol. It's still a B-class book written by a mormon, though. Which I mean should be judged in its own category, due to how indoctrinated those people are. And she wasn't ever claiming to be an amazing writer either.

[@mjm3091]

Also I'm pretty sure that some of the stuff you have written were mentioned in some extend. She loves the same music as Edward, likes Jane Austin books and older literature in general. She had that bicycle phase. She was known to be really good in biology and fine arts. Other than that she was just a generic, average girl you can get. Her family and Cullens loved her cause family bonds. With her friends she was always the goofy background character who would slide a sarcastic or self-deprecating joke or two - as Jessica was the school protagonist/popular girl there. Considering it was early 2000s - that's already more personality than half of the population.

[@momoring9247]

@@mjm3091 i could see why they like her i just dont know why they continued to like her and have such an intense interest, tbh if i met someone with good looks but no personality i wouldnt like them tht much, also i think those are quite good hobbies i just wish smeyer mentioned them more.

[@redprincess6398]

Twilight is one of them books that's really, really weird because the source material is so bloody weird. Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca is a rewritten version of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. It has been said that Rebecca inspired both Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey. The original source material for Jane Eyre has been rumored to be Charles Perrault's Bluebeard. Without Bluebeard the space for these kinds of novels wouldn't have existed. Probably one of my favourite literature butterfly effects

[@jb1996]

Unconditional love doesn’t require forgiveness. If you found out your parent was a serial killer, you’d never forgive them for their horrible actions, but you’d still love them. We can’t control our feelings, but we can assert our boundaries in spite of them.

[@1998foxpad]

Disagree, Ill cut someone off and never think of them again if they are immoral to me.

[@1998foxpad]

@Plsh P0n Not really, just logical

[@KayGreylai]

I would tend to agree, I had an abusive childhood and one of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that I can't turn off the love I still feel for that parent even as I hate them. It makes cutting them out extremely difficult and painful.

[@justinwatson1510]

I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, I’m just another person who had a bad childhood and am sharing the path I chose. I spent a few years in therapy working on my emotional responses and planning how to talk to my mom about the stuff I needed to say. I tried to talk to her about how I felt, I did it politely and respectfully, and the dumb bitch thought she was going to be able to start beating a 26-year-old man. I haven’t spoken to her in over a decade now, and it’s been probably the best ten years of my life. If someone in your life is hurting you, you don’t owe them a goddamned thing. Standing up for yourself won’t make you a bad person; it just makes you a person with healthy boundaries and self-respect. You don’t deserve to be mistreated, especially as a child.

[@queenning28]

@@1998foxpad I might still think of them, but my thoughts would be "I hope they get arrested real soon and sentenced to life imprisonment so there won't be any more victims" and "I hope they don't hurt any inmate or prison guard"...

[@mophead_xu]

i actually knew the details of my parents' separation then eventual divorce, including what was said. i asked, simple as that. the first time i asked, mum wouldn't give me the full story-but that's because i was a child. when i was much older and asked again, she told me pretty much everything she could remember (since it was like ... almost 2 decades prior). she told me bc she thought i had the right to know. i was older than bella, though. but such thing depends on the parent's own judgement of when their kid's old enough to know or if they reckon the kid has any right to know at all. so for me it's not such a wild idea for bella to know what exactly renée said to charlie. esp since considering renée didn't seem to have much boundaries and (in my interpretation) she's not "besties xx" with bella in the healthy, balanced way of typical mother-daughter friendships; she's besties with bella bc she genuinely don't see bella as a child she's supposed to be responsible for.

[@mori6434]

Yeah, that actually tracks. I think you're right in your assessment of Renée, she's the kind of parent who totally would tell her kid that kind of thing even if she wasn't asked because it's a fun story to tell your 'bestie'. I'm not sure Meyers actually thought through her characters enough to know that when she wrote it though. She may have just given Bella the necessary knowledge to add ✨drama✨ and it's just coincidence there's a fairly reasonable explanation

[@annabeinglazy5580]

Yh i got Details about my parents marriage problems when i was 12. My mum came into my room and told me about them, crying. Messed me up quite a bit, and definetely contributed to how i treated other people (especially my Dating). So it never Struck me as weird that Bella knows about her parents Separation in detail. Shes 17, maybe she Just asked the year prior. People can have weird boundaries or no boundaries with their kids.

[@mophead_xu]

@@annabeinglazy5580 oof 12 year old is definitely too young for details about those types of issues. :/ sorry you had to went through that m'dude, hopefully you had/will offset its effects with time.

[@UltraVee0122]

This video actually answered a question I'd had for a while. Years ago I was at a local comic con and someone was wearing a shirt that said "Team Tyler's Van". I didn't get it at the time but now I wish I'd asked where he bought it.

[@gaaraluver6]

Thank you for this. CharlieXCarlisle is the book we really need

[@thJune-ze7dn]

You could have read the complete works of Shakespeare, but instead you read Twilight. You read Twilight for all of us. Thank you.

[@jennymckenzie5304]

I kind of want to write the version where Twilight vampires run the world with humans in blood camps and change nothing about Edward's character to make it even more obvious how much of a fucking creep he is, then make Bella run away with Alice because Alice is the only one who respects boundaries at all.

[@JackiePearl]

Alice does NOT respect boundaries. 😅 But I don’t hate the idea of Bella and Alice running away together.

[@lye_solution]

the way bella knows things she shouldn't reminds me of how i (unmedicated bipolar with psychosis) assume everyone else feels. bella rly needs help.

[@Renjiabarailover]

The Batman analogy is made even funnier when you consider that Robert Pattinson is going to be playing Batman soon 😂

[@unoriginallaura5000]

I'm honestly confused how a vampire becomes a doctor, seems like it would be a profession that deals with quite a bit of blood?

[@esthekatie]

I think it’s supposed to show us how “righteous” he is.. like he’s choosing to not fall to his natural “sin” lmao as a former Christian this is what I assumed when I read them in 2007

[@mintypatapeepee7106]

he kinda explains that with time he got used to it

[@annabeinglazy5580]

Carlisle is supposed to be Like 300 and decided to Withstand his bloodlust Prior to becoming a doctor. He became one once He was sure that He could handle it. Basically Hes so adorable and good and badass that he will withstand "temptation" to Help others. ... I cant believe i still remember this tidbit more than 10 years later...

[@macklyon7476]

That’s why he’s cool. It’s so weird, the side characters (like the Cullens and Charlie) are genuinely interesting. They have amazing backstories. Carlisle is a vampire who has overcome his bloodlust to be a doctor and help people. That’s just Carlisle. Rosalie is really cool too. So is Jasper. Why did we get stuck with Edward (who was cool until Twilight, I’d rather have a story of him drinking people) and Bella.

[@meg5323]

I suppose it's like a chef working in a restaurant. Being around delicious food but not allowed to eat it.

[@Flick550]

It's always bothered me that Alice didn't hear the conversation Bella had with James in the hotel room. I haven't read these books in several years but I'm pretty sure the Cullens can hear each other clear as day if they're in separate rooms from each other. Makes no sense that Alice couldn't hear James 🤡

[@jenisekirk980]

I just finished re-reading it and the part that I couldn't get past was the moment where Bella goes to the bathroom in the airport to escape Jasper. As soon as the bathroom door closes, she runs. Jasper should have been able to hear her running, for one. For two, throughout the whole book we've been lead to believe she can't even walk straight and now she's running through the airport like a track star? The book really fell apart towards the end lol

[@oppaloopa3698]

The awful thing is you can come up with lots of cool theories about Twilight. Alice acts extra vamp cause she wants Bella to notice them quickly. Bella is so instantly adored by all cause of the power she passes to her daughter (Rutabaga is theorized to have enhanced charisma which is the real reason Jacob and the Voltouri don’t kill her). We know for a fact that powers are minute in parents of high powered vamps so this one makes actual sense rather than Jacob was in love with an egg that wasn’t ovulated years after his obsessive crush and Refrigerator is just so cute the most bloodthirsty creatures in existence just let her live. She takes so well to Vampirism cause she’s the descendant of one. Edwards mom was the one who passed the gift on as she knew Cullen was a vampire which is why she pushed him to turn Edward. There’s so many fun twists you can put on the media. But realistically, one a few or likely none of them are cannon cause the author is a vapid idiot.

[@ghostinthecity]

This is exactly why Twilight could have been so good if it had been written by anyone else. I think that's why it started getting popular again recently, people can see the potential it had. That and the films are camp and a fun watch.

[@Nemamka]

22:35 'Charlie can't cook anything other fried eggs and bacon, and yet inexplicably it's his best friend who dies of a heart attack' I'm so going to hell for laughing this hard

[@TheRealSweeneyTodd1]

I still have the thought that the reason the school never questions why the Cullen's don't show up on sunny days is cause Carlisle wrote them some kind of a medical exemption lol

[@sinifexxephinis4310]

Like that the whole family is really photo sensitive and can't be out in the sun at all, genetic too so they all have it. I read one post that suggested the town thought they were a creepy cult so just ignored them.

[@meemurthelemur4811]

@@sinifexxephinis4310 that would work except Meyers explained that all 4 "kids" were adopted or fosters. That's how the others were able to get away with dating each other. It's still a mess that no school district would ever go for.

[@echoskirmish5203]

I remember every girl in my class wanted to get their hands on the first twilight book in the school library. Once Jacob imprinted on renesmee I literally felt ill and I wanted to just get the rest of the book over with.

[@lina8113]

Dude I love you so much I'm willing to sit through you talking about Twilight for 3 hours straight, your analysis also is on point, great job, per usual

[@CommissarMitch]

I love Vampire The Masquerade so much because not only does it have basically all the vampire stereotypes, it also has a reason why the Vampires live hidden lives. It boils down to the fact that humanity did find out vampires existed once upon a time and killed around 90% of them. Because while a single vampire is exponentially more powerful than even the strongest human, they are extremely few.

[@softcrescent4946]

Eternal thanks to YOU, girl. I love your long-format videos, they're perfect for late evening listening.

[@Thenoobestgirl]

You just know Bella winks with both eyes because she's terrible at everything 😂

[@not_today__satan]

if twilight and 50 shades of gray helped me with anything, it was the realization that I'm 100% aroace

[@mophead_xu]

i'd like to think your display name is what you said to what those two works tried to make you feel.

[@mori6434]

Hey same! I actually read all of the Twilight series as a teen, like legit the exact prime age for this stuff. I remember getting really into the concept of gaining superpowers as a vampire based on some attribute you had as a human, but I basically ripped it entirely out of the universe for my own imaginings because I didn't care about the actual characters or plot. Its extra funny to me because as a fully realized aroace adult I actually really like erotica and romance, so Twilight is extra laughable for failing to catch my interest even as a teen just starting to explore the genera.

[@maryjaneberrys]

I grew up reading twilight and ended up in a long term abusive relationship, from 15 to 18. obviously I own my choices and decisions, but I can’t help but feel that I was very influenced by the so called ‘romance’ in these books

[@Hi...ItsLizzMitchell]

Stephanie should be held responsible for that, especially if you're not the only one she influenced in that way

[@ericadogan7966]

I genuinely agree as a teen if read bullying gay manga and thought being bullied and treated badly but eventually loved was true romance ugh books can really harm with wrapped in themes that can be bad covered as love or something the complete opposite

[@ectopuppy]

Absolutely this, I went through the same. It normalized codependency at a very early age for me, which I have had to really work hard on.

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

That's horrible. Now I'm kinda glad no one has ever showed interest in me because I have no doubt that I would have suffered a similar situation. I hope you're doing better.

[@lyssagames4311]

You know what, I’m gonna give Kristen Stewart props 😂 She went from having Bella be a straight up b-word to just awkward