Ultimatums Never Work!!! They'll Get You Dumped

[@dontmesswithleah]

I asked my ex to commit because after our breakup I felt I was being strung along. That’s another story, but It was more of a boundary, not an ultimatum. He ended up hesitating and saying no he’s not ready to commit so I had to move forward.

[@melissahales596]

What is the difference between giving an ultimatum and setting boundaries/letting your partner know what you will accept and not accept? When we broke up i told him once he brings someone new into our bed and house there is no going back for me....

[@bobbykay7334]

My ex-wife gave me an ultimatum. Either work on the marriage (which in her case meant do everything her way and have no identity of my own) or leave. That's how she became my EX-wife.

[@Anonymous-ic3db]

Genuine question - not trying to troll you. How is your marriage now?

[@MansonX]

Bobby Kay I wanna day good for you Brother. I don’t mean this meanly I am very happy you made the right choice .

[@beegee5305]

If you go to therapy and "work on the marriage" doesn't necessarily mean that you have no identity. Sounds like you didn't want to work on the marriage under any circumstance, no?

[@bobbykay7334]

@@Anonymous-ic3db Better. We get along well now that we're no longer married.

[@bobbykay7334]

@@beegee5305 I'd already done lots of work. The trouble was, she didn't want to work. What she meant by work on the marriage was that she wanted me to do things her way. It was not a partnership and I was not happy.

[@Beatlemaniac1983]

They might never work, but sometimes they are necessary, to show that you respect yourself. I think the negative attitude towards an ultimatum forgets that there are situations that are unacceptable to me, and that if they don't change, I must walk away, and if I don't address them directly, then I come up as weak and as someone that can be walked on. For example: cheating. If my partner cheated on me, I think that demanding the other relationship will end or we're done, is not a bad ultimatum.

[@TherealSIRenity]

As far as the cheating part there should be no ultimatum, you just walk from them. That’s why people be so toxic. Staying in situations knowing it isn’t good for you. And as far as ultimatums they don’t count if you don’t set your standards from the beginning. And you always at least have to be open to meet in the middle depending on what it is. It takes two to build a relationship

[@beegee5305]

If the ultimatum scares away the wrong ones then it's done its work. The right one won't be daunted by an ultimatum, and probably wouldn't ever be in the position to need one either.

[@metawarp7446]

Why would you ever stay in a relationship with someone who's selfish enough to give an ultimatum?

[@AlbaHistory]

Totally agree

[@organicskincarenyc5775]

It's better to communicate your concerns one time, ONE DISCUSSION is all you need. If nothing changes walk away.

[@LyrasRaven]

What if he’s constantly telling me he loves me and can’t imagine a life without me, swearing that he’s going to make us work? We have one argument and suddenly he completely turns around, starts avoiding me for weeks and seems cold and distant on the phone. I can’t live like this, I can’t trust him. I gave him an ultimatum, essentially. I told him to either follow up to what he’s said, or let me go. I gave him 5 days. Opinions? Craig? Did I do the right thing? I really love him and am so happy when we are close. When we’re close he’s marriage material

[@Esstan1]

I was trying to protect myself and set a boundary. I told him, I want a relationship with you but if you can't do it we should stop seeing each other. His first reaction was "Is this an ULTIMATUM?!" And I said no, but I need to think about myself. So in the end, after back and forth with this guy continuously crossing my boundaries - I told him several times, please don't contact me if you don't want anything serious with me - he was chasing and chasing. I told him off one last time. After two weeks of silence, we met at a gathering and he said "There will NEVER happen anything between us", I was like but I'm the one who dumped you and you've always been the one chasing. I'm so confused. Never date a divorcee, let them heal and make sure a lot of time has passed or you'll end up in a situation like mine. He clearly has feelings but can't handle the intimacy at this point. So I will just need to move on, it's a shame because we were great together. Never felt like this for a man before, it's very sad but timing is truly important for relationships.

[@E_GIBSON]

If you have to give someone an ultimatum you shouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place. If you are just getting to know someone and they are trying to game on you or being childish you can give them the ultimatum to correct their behavior or you are going to drop them like a bad habit. There is nothing wrong with having standards in regards to how you wish to be treated. Tell someone what you expect and want. Either way once things have gotten to this point you are wasting your time.

[@victoriahalpin8975]

What's the difference between an ultimatum & setting boundaries?

[@TherealSIRenity]

You contradicted yourself heavily

[@rajharell]

It sounds like he might have someone on the sidelines that he's interested in. he probably hasn't cheated yet, but is ready to move on. that's probably why he's been distant.

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

Definitely one possibility I was thinking

[@camellia8625]

I personally think an ultimatum has worked if it means losing a non-committal man. It shouldn’t be about trying to get a man to do something he doesn’t want to do, it should be about gaining clarity, and possibly closure. Whilst an ultimatum may be justified in certain circumstances, I personally prefer to openly express my needs along with having a (secret) time limit; with a willingness to walk away, without any sort of warning if the man is still non-committal.

[@monalisa7451]

My ex boyfriend that dumped me, once ruined my evening out with my friends, when he saw from social media that we were having fun, by hitting me up with an ultimatum. I got so pissed off at him that I send him an ultimatum back, not really caring if he'd end up getting the message or walking away, 'cause he was constantly being a jackass towards me. His was that if I won't try to get him back right away he's taking some other girl instead, my comeback was that as long as he was dating other people or seriously keeping any other girl as an option, he could forget me. Surprisingly, he didn't like my stunt. I did.

[@beegee5305]

I had to give the ultimatum as my ex Bf was entertaining a gal half his age and I had so many discussions about it, so finally after finding out about more of there "dates" I had to tell him that I couldn't stay in the relationship if she stays. He had to choose. To give an hypothetical example... if someone stole money from you habitually, is it wrong to give an ultimatum, like "if you steal any more money from me I'm done". Sound reasonable?

[@joelw2023]

Coach Craig, I know someone who gave an ultimatum to her live in boyfriend and they ended up getting married, and they've been married for like 6 years now. So it would seem as though ultimatums do sometimes work...the plot twist is that she has no respect for him and cheats on him repeatedly. So even though some people might say that ultimatums sometimes work, I have to agree with you that they don't work out for the best.

[@Laura-kv7bl]

My husband recently gave me an ultimatum that I can’t have my own room, that I HAVE to move into his or divorce. But then my sleep will be cut in half. I’m the full caregiver of the kids and we sleep at very different times. I don’t know how it could work sleeping in the same room.

[@ewanhub6080]

So ive given an ultimatum to this girl without really thinking! I simple wanted a bit of respect as i feel ive been mistreated but i want to give her a fair chance to make things right? Was it the wrong move ? Can it work when its the guy giving the ultimatum and not the other way round ? Id love some advice from someone?

[@beegee5305]

I think if he feels so threatened by an ultimatum and leaves, then he really didn't ultimately want to be in the relationship. If he is having an affair or any kind, that deserves a hard-ball not a soft-ball.

[@marcelmavangulu3532]

What if it has been two and half months of no contact?

[@metawarp7446]

Why would you love someone who doesn't love you enough to let you keep your hobbies?

[@Kenia961]

My ex gave me an ultimatum and i follow what he wanted and he dumped me ,actually ghosted me . So i think it doesnt matter which way giving or receiving when someone has made their mind to go simply they do it thats it

[@fun2drive107]

Situation my lovely lady have given me ultimatums twice about getting my divorce done. I am not able to push any harder than I am and I have missed both dates she wanted. Now she is telling me that she is done with me and moving on and let her know when I get the divorce papers signed. I accidentally txted her when I meant to txt my soon ex to be that I was not going to need anything to eat when I get in (I flew to where my ex lives to work details of the divorce out). My lady fired back immediately that I was a liar and cheater and used her. Next day an email that she never wants to see me again and will call the police if I show at her place. Oh I should mention we have not seen each other since 29 July and I have had all of one convo with her and maybe two emails telling me how she is rethinking our relationship them the 2nd one ending the relationship. Her implementing no contact caused this because had she known I was going to where my ex was she would be pissed but understand you can only do so much on email and phone for a divorce. Man I love this woman more than any other woman I have ever loved but she obviously has no trust in me and went immediately to the dark side about the wrong txt. The only way I can speed the divorce up is to work things out face to face with my ex which I did. It feels really bad to be convicted of doing something improper when you are innocent. It looks like I will be moving on soon. I sent her a long hand written letter that explained I understand her pain thinking I betrayed her but I did not and would not. I gave her realistic time periods of when the divorce will be signed. I am expecting that to go no where. I think just leaving her alone and moving on dating (I don't have that in my heart) but need to be honest and kill the pain and loneliness I am feeling without her. I have signed up for CC Skype or voice session but have not been contacted by him yet. I think the letter was most likely a bad idea and I look forward to what CC can suggest on this mess.

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

What is your order number? Anyone that signed up today has been contacted. Check your spam

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Fun2 Drive shes a nightmare. WALK AWAY.

[@mollybailes5161]

What if you want them to help pay bills?

[@TherealSIRenity]

That’s why most women be with men

[@mrantone916]

My ex wanted to be friends after ths break up, i said i couldn't be friends that she means to much too me. To contact me if she changes her mind , So she said that was an ultimatum . Haven't talked to her since.

[@chrisp3834]

So do they exert their powerlessness by leaving you and going on to another person? That is what happened to me. She gave me one and I did not not respond. She got angry and broke up with me after 8 years of dating and 10 of friendship. I want her back but I am very very hurt........ she has cut me off all but totally. Says she wants to stay friends because of the time in the relationship but no further. Already planning a new life with her ex husband. He is married to another woman mind you..!

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

Hard to say based on that. You can always just sign up for a coaching. That's why I'm here ;)

[@chrisp3834]

I have been planning to do just that.

[@Luv2Flood]

Hi, Coach. Dumpee perspective. What about when your ex offers friendship and you say the following: "No, thank you. I am not interested in just being friends. I cannot just be friends with you. I love you and want to be your boyfriend again. It is all or nothing". Does this come across as threatening? Could this be considered an ultimatum in the purest form?

[@TherealSIRenity]

My ex was a single mother before me and her ex left her because she got pregnant but I left her for the exact opposite. She told me absolutely no kids before marriage(never had that energy before). I tried to compromise by meeting in the middle but she said she’s not budging take it or leave it. I don’t like the fact you put my back against the wall Like that and the fact you’re willing to take our kid away knowing the type of man I am and how I passionate I am with kids. I understand her side and why she feels like that but I have a choice too. To this day still doesn’t sit right with me so I had to step

[@camellia8625]

I can understand her position, if children are involved it is good for there to be a formal legally binding commitment.

[@blessedfavored8032]

I had a friend that became a friend with benefits for almost a year we became really close and I felt we were more so I told him I wanted more since it seems like we’re already in a relationship he said he didn’t want a relationship and just wanted to be friends without benefits and I said no and kept trying to be friends and I said I couldn’t do it. Is this considered an ultimatum because I said no? He called one more time and he said he would not call anymore haven’t heard from him a week now.

[@TherealSIRenity]

His pipe game must’ve been real😭

[@LazyDaisyDay88]

Men do not leave a marriage/long relationship to be on their own. If he says there is no one else - he's lying.

[@Dad_Brad]

Well, you're probably right most of the time - but not in my experience. I made up my mind to divorce my wife and then I found someone else on my way out the door. But that relationship is another story! :)

[@Senator_Senart]

You assume to much maybe some guys really are just sick of being in any kind of relationship anymore and just want their freedom to do what they want when they want and to not have to worry about taking care of others (as a provider) or compromise with other people they are living with.

[@TherealSIRenity]

Far from truth

[@RCT479]

coach can u pls help me with a situation where my wife has troubled me with another guy and now comes and say that he is just a friend though I love her I really can't find a way to get even. can u pls suggest me what can I do in this situation. thank you

[@CoachCraigKenneth]

Just sign up for a coaching so I can figure out what's going on :)

[@RCT479]

I'm planning to do that asap but next week I'm leaving my country (India) and then sign up but before that if anything I should do

[@jonathancruz5848]

Hey Coach, I have a question. What about no contact and the ex's birthday comes up? Would it still be ok to send them a message? Or say nothing?

[@DavidValle]

Nothing

[@daniellander3073]

I wish I would have heard this earlier. I said let me know if you want to date. She said goodbye !!!

[@Nsands81]

That guy is savage 🤣🤣😂

[@yvngkevv9146]

Awesome job

[@budgetrebelgoals]

great video!

[@vsonic86]

God damn how would you a break up by just know someone for two weeks?

[@dgrass5846]

Can you make a video on apologizing to your ex