Understanding & Dealing with Manipulative People | Dr. George Simon Interview

[@PatrickDoyleLife]

Consistent confusion in a relationship is usually a sign of manipulation.

[@rickiilatino]

Yes excellent comment.

[@olgamarkovets9366]

So true.

[@LesliWebandMediaSvcsonYouTube]

@Patrick Doyle - yes! I learned this from one of your videos! It has helped me so much! Simple phrase, easy to remember, life changing!

[@luceatlux7087]

whoa... ain't that the truth... you might be especially prone to giving the benefit of doubt if you're open minded and intrinsically very compassionate. the fact that you can understand most people/relationships and that you're having trouble understanding the presenting relationship makes you think that it may be your lack of ability to understand or be compassionate. there have been a few times where i've figuratively beat myself over the head regarding my attempt to be a good friend or partner until i finally gety some kind of real, stark evidence/proof that what i'm dealing with is purposeful manipulation. what hurts me is that i assume that i must be pretty garbage if this person is treating me like this; with what i see as utter disdain and carelessness. i mean, even if the person has no moral compass, you would think they wquld act to preserve our relationship instead of nonchalantly throwing it away... it hurts

[@oscargt23]

totally, although sometimes i wonder if they are confused themselves and it’s not something the consciously do....

[@genkiferal7178]

PLEASE consider what I'm gonna say deeply: We need to stop getting so angry and offended when one person openly and willingly calls another a liar/cheat/thied...even if it is a family member. Stop calling the accuser 'judgmental' and saying he/she is being rude. It should be socially acceptable to call a spade a spade. Anything less is denying reality and THAT is a worse thing. Denying reality (the elephant in the room) leads to craziness for all onlookers - including children.

[@Dehzee]

💖💖💖💖

[@AZDC99]

However, this is the secret problem, that there's a lot of victim blaming. So I'm glad you made a post to counter it. But apparently everyone else wants to jump off the Brooklyn bridge.. I can't wait till they get disfigured in front of my face BY THE SAME IDIOTS THEY DEFENDED ALL THESE YEARS IN THE FORM OF ATTACKING ME ARE YOU FOR CALLING IT OUT (WHILE Jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, basically)

[@daisyflower22]

A sin,mistake, toxic behaviour whatever you like to call it. Their behaviour doesn't define them. Chatter so if a person steals but then stops this bad behaviour. Are you going to define them as a thief for the rest of their life. Hmm chatter are you saying you have you never lied in your life? Stop putting labels on people. It's toxic!

[@daisyflower22]

Sorry you don't make any sense. So Tiger Woods had affairs but at present he is not doing this. Are you still going to label him as an adulterer. I guess your flawless without any mistakes. I guess if you have ever lied do you think it's fair to label you as a liar? Sorry but your comment is ridiculous. A person's behaviour doesn't define them. What gives you the right to judge others when your not perfect yourself. Look at your own faults and clean your up your own backyard and leave the judgements to God!

[@daisyflower22]

Arrogance is incredibly distasteful. Try practicing some humality moving forward.

[@maritaz7577]

So the great lesson for the ones at the receiving end of this manipulation is just one thing: TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS!

[@Misslotusification]

Yep, eventually we KNEW there was something not quite right about them. I wonder what the pay-back was...

[@ganeshcsaiisc]

indeed

[@starseeds8121]

The strong confidence portrayed by them does make you question self for sure.

[@GuitarMatt]

Yet you have to overcome that for your sanity. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER! Once you see them without the mask it's just never the same. GAME OVER (for them that way.. those who are COWARDLY enough to rewrite history and pretend that was their intention all along)

[@ReneeBecket]

36+ years dealing with a narcissistic father, sister, and husband. So bad I had to run away from my hometown to save my kids from the terrible cycle. My mother wasn’t so lucky, she ended up getting sick and died 18 years ago. Narcissists are so toxic they can kill you, and they do NOT feel bad. They blame the victims rationalizing their poisonous behaviour, saying that they didn’t force anyone to stay with them. My mother left but he wouldn’t let her go. She was my best friend God rest her soul. Still my mom is more alive to me, with her beautiful heart and soul, than all those narcissists still living. They believe they have won but they only have a body, no vibrant spirit that shines. My advice: Be very careful not to forget your own needs, take care of yourself, you deserve respect and love.

[@sarah29880]

Renee Becket, wonderful advice. All of that is so hard to watch. So sorry for your loss, that is horrible, Just horrible. I have recently learned about this as well. My mom being a narcissist and my dad being a victim. He is so stressed 24/7.

[@hightower918]

Thank you. I needed to read this.

[@kathleenohara6152]

U are SO right sister! We also need to find a way to grow & heal & move forward. Realizing that they taught us a lot about ourselves... Like how strong we truly are & just what we are capable of. Hopefully everyone can move forward & free themselves fully which means no longer living w a victim mentality. I just feel sorry for these victimizing people bc as smart as they think they are... they are really just empty & broken shells. They were feeding off of us but NOW we can put that energy towards building the lives we deserve. We can't let ourselves get trapped by remaining victims who tell our stories over & over again ,(forever) (& we humans do love our stories) if we don't move forward we let them win. So stay strong & KNOW that u deserve the very best & nothing less. Many Blessings! 💟 :)))

[@mariposaswallowtail4410]

This shame issue...wow

[@mariposaswallowtail4410]

And silencing women who are bitches" if they say you're wrong and bad

[@MRSSMITHROE]

What a wise guy. We've been making excuses for poor behaviour for decades. "Call em out on their crap." So true.

[@InnerIntegration]

Indeed!

[@lynblisso2880]

MRSSMITHROE Very true and very few have the right (safe) circumstance and courage to do it.

[@corsicanlulu]

rick a....some narcs have a great childhood, their brain is simply different! they have little empathy. there are people called "empaths", i am one and we are born different, different brain structures. autists/aspergers also have different brains. abuse is no excuse anymore

[@Arlene_witha_y]

corsican lulu right! My ex had a great childhood and loving parents, he's just so damn full of himself that the needs of others isn't high on his priority list

[@MustafaKhan-gg8uo]

Agreed.

[@sharonratliffhamilton1681]

The feeling of being controlled is a horrid feeling. bc they can make you feel you're the nut case not them. when in reality it's not you. it's pure manipulation

[@heatherking3391]

Who is that interviewer - seems like she isn't really listening sometimes and just nodding her head and fake smiling

[@geraldinemark1558]

Sharon RATLIFF Hamilton ,yes indeed real talk,I have a so call friend like that,I cut her off ,right away, and it makes me feel good about myself

[@ALuiza-pm2dp]

@@heatherking3391 You should look up more of her stuff (if you haven't already). She has many many videos on how to spot a narcissist, how to deal with them, and how to heal yourself after. I think she was nodding along so that her guest could speak uninterrupted, and she probably has a lot of gratitude and admiration for him. From what I got watching her other content, not only has she been in relationships with people who had NPD but also a parent (her mother I believe). Growing up with a parent who always demands that you agree with them and behave "properly", you can bet your arse there will be some tendency to force a smile once in a while. Fake smiles and forced smiles are two different things (in my opinion), and often the terms are misused.

[@heatherking3391]

@@ALuiza-pm2dp Ah I see what you're saying - yes you must understand more than me as I haven't watched so much of her stuff but yes just want to make sure people are aware and okay not to be involved in these super controlling people as myself and close friends have been. If discussion and communication/mutually beneficial solutions aren't involved in your relationship then get OUT!

[@remyvermunt8623]

gaslighting yes

[@whibraen2750]

"a healthy sense of shame" Arrogant people don't experience shame= they Blame others for their poor behaviour and Attitude.

[@valerieriggins3184]

Well...That Means We Should Take Account for Either Stopping or Continue The Wrong WAYS of Dealing With TOXIC.

[@Tristan0712]

agree! I've worked 30 years in the mental health field and not once have I seen a character disordered person develop a healthy sense of shame...doesn't ever happen because that is formed in childhood and they missed out on it permanently. in addition to that, they have no desire to develop a healthy sense of shame.

[@heartandmindovercome3214]

Well said

[@sage9836]

The wow quote for me : "People without consciences know how people with consciences work." I am glad you asked how people who manipulate all seem to "have read the same book."

[@susansigner4339]

It's not literal. He means they are of the same thread i.e. same traits of impaired conscientiousness and lean toward nefarious character disturbance on the spectrum scale.

[@escarlit]

Susan Signer i dont think they understood it as a literal statement...

[@teagang6492]

There’s always a bigger story and agenda!! Poor or rich people will find out ! They can’t get away with it I’ve seen those jealous manipulative people and they turn to it... honesty

[@silviaetchehun1989]

I kept discovering that and said it is a behavior that follows a recepie My parents,my ex after 7 years of torture and my common law husband after many more years Thank God I'm waking up with so much knowledge and realized in time not to fall in these kind of personality types traps. We need to pray for wisdom

[@philliptaylor5386]

It is eerie.

[@veefriend4201]

What struck me the most about this talk was that people who are in "defensive behavior" are very different than people with manipulative behavior. The defensive person doesn't 'realize' they're doing it. The manipulator knows exactly what they're doing.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Vee Friend,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@user-bu9yc1ly5w]

yes but people with constant "defensive behavior" exhaust also, a lot, it is difficult to deal with them because you cannot made or force somebody to became self aware if they genially do not believe they are unreasonably in defensive position

[@GuitarMatt]

I think that everyone replying is splitting hairs here. What it comes down to is trust your GUT, if it gets to that point

[@cinema6r845]

Very true. I've been a victim many times. If you have that weird feeling drop em fast. Always be a good observer. Find out about them through other people.

[@x0xpamx0x]

🤔The Codependent who believes in (HOPE) that a Narcissist will change!! Please do yourself a favor and MOVE ON!!

[@kenschwinghammer4480]

Pamela Morgan Mitchell Hope is like dope , don’t get hooked on it.

[@ttyeap3335]

Woo never ..they just reconstruct strategy.... Gaslighting woo...this is a great opportunity for me to view this ...so true...

[@tiffanywilliams5080]

So true I been through 41 years of hell

[@mreloo]

@@tiffanywilliams5080 me to.. 40 years " owend" my covert narsicist wife...awake now for one year ...im beside myself with grief...once your awake...u realize that this person used u.....for supply...one year ago my daughter said to me ...whats wrong with u dad ...mom is bat shit crazy and u deserve someone who truly loves u..wtf this drove it home like...your not unworthy of real love...oh the pain

[@lorriekelly964]

You're so rite ! The Problem is Giving the Benefit of a doubt ? That their really not Like that ?

[@calielaine7222]

Someone who truly cares about the betterment of people. A kind heart with a sharp arrow.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Cali Elaine,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@BobSmith-vq3uo]

"Character impaired." Wow. That says it all. As a teacher and curriculum specialist, I'm convinced that the only way to change the culture of increasingly dysfunctional schools is to introduce and reinforce character formation based on virtues - habitually practiced positive behaviours. Unfortunately, too few principals and educational leaders want to get on board with this. They'd rather latch onto the latest gimmick from someone they just heard at a conference as a new pilot project for their portfolio. Forget the conceptual approach and make it real by focusing on behaviour, calling people out who cross the line, and telling them, "This is how we act at our school." Fantastic interview. Great choice of guest! All the best.

[@silviaetchehun1989]

I worked in the public schools as a counselor and did teach my students values and reinforced positive behaviors It is true behavioral changes is what is needed

[@AZDC99]

In a perfect world baby.. the problem is everyone is so self-righteous nowadays that it would just all be turned into another form of social engineering that was some sort of pretend grassroots thing

[@conniet444]

I am a 32 year veteran teacher, and this is exactly what is happening! Sad, but true. I am glad that I am in the twilight of my career. It's depressing.....

[@christophersalvatoreraimun8578]

Wow, I’ll have to watch this multiple times to get the most out of it.

[@joncena168]

9:20 “It’s not that they don’t see, it’s that they disagree.” And “It’s not that their not aware enough. It’s cause they don’t care enough.”

[@backintimealwyn5736]

still hard to admit though. I still don't want to hurt them or misinterpret anything. And I just realized that I just got had once more time in exchange of a tiny glimpse of care. THe only way is the way out , but what if you have decided to forgive and put up with the crap as much as you can ? no matter what , the abuse still works on your emotions , even if you manage to not let it show, even if you don't suffer as much. And the freaking little tricks... when they manage to push that hidden little button you had forgotten about. I hate it.

[@joncena168]

Backintime Alwyn I am in no contact and moved across country. Its a mistake to let them in. My dad recently called me and was acting calm and oblivious to the fact that he sent my narc oldest brother to my house to “talk things out” no call no show( I previously said don’t let him near me I don’t care for him). and what does my dad do? Do the one exact thing he said he wouldn’t do to my face. I was in pure no contact with my family, not even with my “chief of the family” grandpa ( my whole family is narcissistic or flying monkeys). I married a great woman but at my wedding they dragged us to the vacation house everyone was stayin at and bitched us out and was tryin to intimidate us to move back and be my oldest brothers slave pretty much for the family company. No is my new favorite word. Try it and learn it use it cause No is a complete sentence

[@backintimealwyn5736]

@@joncena168 I know you are right. Thank you for sharing , I see that they seem to be very difficult. Mine are tricky, they alternate from extreme generosity witch make feel greatful and obliged and extreme cruelty (involving unpredictable physical violence and verbal abuse), I've chosen to forgive , witch is not the "right" choice when it comes to my sanity, but is somehow a way of honoring one of the good things they taught me : loyalty, forgiveness and taking the high road (lol they don't do that, but they told me I had too , lol again) . I put distance though, but maybe not enough distance. ANd my kids love them, it's complicated.overall I'm okay now , I can deal with it now that they are old, I guess.

[@joncena168]

Backintime Alwyn I wish u peace and love friend! You should listen to Kris Godinez on KZbin as well. To help with the loyalty part, mines are “Christian” and use the honor thy father and thy mother quote. But in Ephesians 6:4 I believe it says “parents do not exasperate your children.” So it’s a two way street m. God holds them to a standard as well. I got that from Kris btw. And her favorite line I love is if u were not related to these people should you have anything to do with them? If No then act accordingly. U wouldn’t take crap from a stranger or co worker, why take it from blood. Best wishes!

[@backintimealwyn5736]

@@joncena168 peace and love to you too. Do what you think is right , be happy ;)

[@LIMa-cx9qb]

Narcissist do not get BETTER...no doctor or meds. They may get scared briefly for fear they may lose something of value to them like money or control but they recover quickly and back to manipulation and control. I had 15 years of it.

[@pegasus5148]

LI Ma, Narcs are sadists. You are right, they get worse with age! It's best to cut ties with them.

[@Medietos]

Ruslan N: That is why I doubt Abraham-Hicks,she calls th world happy and prosperous. In itself.

[@sarah29880]

Agreed

[@susanrobertson2922]

Finally, a therapist who validates what I’ve always seen in my narcissistic mother, and my ex husband. My ex and I were in counseling for about 20 of our 32 year marriage. Not once was our therapists willing to be direct with my ex about his abuse for the exact reasons you’re talking about, to steer him to come to a realization of themselves without being called out. It wasn’t until AFTER an incredibly painful six years in and out of court, that our former counselor even used the terms narcissism, covert fighters/abusers, character disturbance, lacking empathy, AWARE of their behaviors... . The ONLY slight changes I saw in my ex, were the two times our counselor lost his temper with my ex., insisting the therapists set some “rules for Susan, so she doesn’t make me mad.” He came out of his chair, yelling at my ex to get the hell in his chair if he had something to teach us (me and the therapists.) Eight years later, he turned on our adult children, STILL trying to gain exclusive allegiance and relationship with him; choosing between him and myself. Amicably is not even an option with him.

[@ThePattibeth]

Exactly ! I was married to one for ten years.

[@jarrettdavis2504]

Dr George Simon has to be awarded for such an amazing contribution to understanding human behavior.

[@InnerIntegration]

Agreed!

[@nathancifuentes2448]

Inner Integration 24:12 What was so important?!

[@wonderwomanx1268]

It wasn't supposed to be disclosed per his request, so why are you asking? They had an agreement.

[@mysteriousotakusmysterious985]

Jarrett Davis why does the neurotypicals believe feel think that fully have empirical evidence for foundation establishment on autism aspergers you foolishness evil weakness idiocy egotisatical hatredness anger will be apparent one day of many ?

[@BluesmanBri]

He’s brilliant

[@Michaelnolan1988]

After watching this interview for the 2nd time, Dr. Simon said at the end that these people refuse to change because their maladaptive behavior works for them and it meets all their needs! Very profound and never thought about that until he mentioned it. I look back now at my narc and see how she used me and all her family of origin for anything. She used me for cooking, cleaning, her chauffeur, maid, butler, wash dishes, laundry etc. Used her mother for paying for things such as her life insurance, her child's school lunches, got her child's father to get free Netflix, money, used her brothers for mechanical issues and also cleaning her house, used her father for lunch ( stopping by her parents house) on her lunch break to get free lunch, using her child as well to do all the cleaning around the house etc. Basically, why would she ever want to change if she has all these people catering to everything she refuses to take responsibility for? She wouldn't! Her behavior works to meet all her needs and wants! It's almost like she was spoiled as a child and never grew up and wanted to be an adult. The real question is why does her family continue to enable her behavior at age 30 when she should be doing all these things for herself? Makes me think that her family is just as sick as she is OR they just help her out because they feel sorry for her and her child due to the mental illness. Healthy normal people set boundaries regardless of family or not. They do not over extend themselves as such.

[@southernbelladonna78]

I will never forget that movie Gaslighting! My mom loved it, she was born in the 50's and we would watch it together when I was a little girl maybe 10, (woman of 41 now,ha) I thought it was so boring, didn't understand what was happening and thought it was supposed to be a horror. But because she loved it so much I kept trying to watch and like it. Well one day it clicked, it was suddenly interesting and when I actually fully engaged watched and finished it I will never forget how scared it made me. I didn't know until watching that movie that a person "close" to us could be the monster. It really scared me and I never forgot it.

[@vlarids]

Just like a colleague at work talking about how identified he felt watching The Joker When I watched that movie, the first person that came in my mind was him. His words confirmed my thoughts. Scary....

[@tamarawilliams2341]

I wonder if that was a tactic. She knew one day you would get it

[@wonderfullyfearfullymade7524]

They watch and give u a choice@@tamarawilliams2341

[@tanjamerriman5606]

I've been with someone like this for 30 years..lies about everything. This video really helped me to understand how he uses me & makes me doubt things making me feel crazy.

[@raychm1567]

Are you still with him?

[@ManifestingDestiny]

You deserve better! Be free 🙏🏽

[@elenaappleton2932]

Me too!!

[@ironhorse1096]

I watched this very late last 🌙 by myself.......I feel I have learned more from U-Tube therepists than going to therepy over the years. I gave up therapy, not to say I didn't have a place to touch base. I may be in the right place now to fully recognize and realize how this disease operates in me and the manipulator. The dots connect. I can see the picture. A revealatory dream afterward tells me I know there is a new home out there. And my horse needs to be fed and it is getting late........I have ordered one of your books last night. Thank you so much for your channel and insight. It is all food for my soul and is comforting to know and feel that the possibility exists that I will finally make it home. And my horse will starve no more.💝🐴

[@karlanm925]

Trespass. These people can be explained with that one word. Offense, not defense. They want something from you but know they can't tell you. This is why it feels like a sucking energy around them.

[@sararichardson737]

That 2nd paragraph: a hole in one. Perfectly and concisely put, thank you .

[@michaeljackson7361]

Right On

[@clovergreen9959]

L O L. 😂 "that's why it feels like a sucking energy around them." That phrase is so perfect. So true. I have an accurately descriptive new phrase to use. That helps with the healing. Thank You for your help. Thank you for building my vocabulary. Finding words and phases to explain to myself, what happened to me.....that's been the hardest part.

[@miraclesforus2]

It.s a spiritual issue. No pill can fix this! Call evil for what it is. The bible calls thus reprobate!

[@tamarawilliams2341]

@@miraclesforus2 can you please elaborate please.

[@remyvermunt8623]

and this: "i's not that they don't see, it is they disagree" & "it is not they are not aware enough, it is they don't care enough" masterpiece

[@thelittlegirlwholovedthewo3044]

"What do you think is at the heart of the covert manipulation? It works! " love this! 😂

[@tinkaweiss6161]

I watch this video everytime my addiction to my toxic ex shows up again. And it is so helpful. I was depressed and had a trauma after the relationship ended. I never understood what happened. This explanation helps so much. It makes me feel so much better!!!! Healthy again. Because I always thought I was the crazy one, the one who has all the faults, which led to the end. That what he always made me feel, even afterwards (he never left me alone for 7 month...only now that he has a new girlfirend he does). I will read the books and I will start healing again! Thank you so much for your work!!!!!

[@miriamb.3078]

Thank you for pointing out the truth about how it is sometimes expected that we give character-disturbed individuals a free pass for (supposedly) lacking in awareness. Thank you for telling it like it is. Thank you for pointing out the truth. Thank you for not making excuses. This sounds so embalming, validating and soothing. And thank you for making a distinction between a healthy sense of shame and a toxic sense of shame and I wholeheartedly agree. Moral depravity (where a healthy sense of shame and a healthy sense of right/wrong is lacking is rampant nowadays). Thank you sir & Meredith!

[@mahlina1220]

This is one of the BEST interviews I’ve ever seen. Thank you!

[@Vixinaful]

Scary that we have more disturbed people in the world than normal. But he's right, most people one meets seems disturbed in some way. Its the times we live in, folks!

[@youtubeepicuser4209]

Vixinaful it’s the species we are.

[@susanrhodes5681]

Lots of contributing factors, people on tv telling them to seek "your truth", "have your best life now", "pull your own strings", be it pastors or talk show hosts. Social media. Music artists and celebrities who can even rape and murder and not face consequences. Students in school who can't be reprimanded or face consequences for cheating or crimes they commit against other students. "Triggered and Snowflakes" who make everyone tailor their behavior or they have a tantrum. Books that teach you how to manipulate others on the job to get that sale or promotion, etc. As a old comic strip said "We have seen the enemy and it is us". I think this list is the tip of the iceberg really.

[@mfawls9624]

My wife loves Survivor, which is all about manipulation. She used to watch Intervention on, I think Bravo too. That show would make me walk out of the room.

[@reginathorp5902]

I will also add my narcissist is very intelligent and covert. It's been hell on earth.

[@L00shkin]

@@meacomefeyou Why are you putting someone down? I've been in those shoes. You hope things will get better but they dont. Hopefully shell realize to leave before anymore abuse happens. But for you to call her dumb and unintelligent is uncalled for. You dont know her.

[@genkiferal7178]

Who allows that person to get away with it or to have access to you? YOU do?

[@celebratinghissoonreturn]

Regina Thorp So change YOUR behavior and response toward them. They get stuck when they see their mental abuse is no longer effective.

[@JohnLeaf]

They also work in groups, they have friends with the same problm or even worsts and they get along with the evilness

[@mervyngreene6687]

I think that this is the most critical point. Gaslighting, scapegoating, and almost all of these tactics works best because there are accomplices to this behavior. Almost every story I have heard talks about how others perceive them.

[@SJMe777]

This therapist absolutely knows what he is talking about! 💯💯 Doesn't matter what you do, give or try with a covert narassisist. They will continue to manipulate, lie and hurt you. Let them go and don't hope they'll change because they don't. It all starts with you. Learn to love yourself first and foremost.

[@louiseowen491]

Plain and simple, do not ever trusted them , be on constant guard , leave them if you can !! Remember this JUST think that your not in a relationship, they do not care about you , everything they do is to benefit THEM . YOUR THEIR ENEMY!!

[@pegasus5148]

Louise Owen, you can never trust them because the are "sadists." They enjoy hurting people emotionally. Both my parents are Narcs and I had to go No-Contact with both but it was the right decision for me...no more abuse!

[@avrilbrown4256]

I wouldn't say enemy..you are a commodity..until you expire your use by date..then you are nothing to them.

[@avrilbrown4256]

@Ice Hockey is Pretty Pretty Good ..I know first hand..my father is a narcissist..and over the years my mother has learned to be manipulative too..shes got really good at it too.

[@kathleenohara6152]

You are a walking ATM or anything else that you've taught them they can use u for. Run & don't look back. When the pain of where you're at is greater than the fear of where you're going .... you'll move. Many Blessings! 💟:)))

[@kathleenohara6152]

Avril Brown you are so right I actually heard one say that people are walking ATMs to them. unbelievable right?

[@gateway4582]

Hard to accept that my sister could despise me like that. I have had to accept it. Its painful though.

[@carrad123456]

Enjoyed this interview. Dr. Simon gives such warm grandpa feel. Thanks to both of you.

[@sahara4555]

Omg I love this man so much. His understanding is so next level.

[@OlgaRykov]

Oh my God, so this is Dr. Simon, whose book saved my soul from being in the clutches of the devil. Thank you Dr. Simon, and thank you Meredith for posting this conversation. I'm 50 seconds into it and am so looking forward to what I will be hearing.

[@holly3503]

Thank you both. Dr Simon’s book “In Sheep’s Clothing” was a revelation.

[@indiracamotim2858]

Thank you so much for this video. I have been married to a Narcissist for 30 years and it was life-changing for me to find out about narcissism. I spent so many years confused and miserable. Gratitude and much respect 🌹

[@christianpulisic7784]

Indira Camotim,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@user-xk4wj6ge5b]

When I look back on my friendships with certain people Wolves disguised as sheep comes to mind. Not good people. I was so gullible I took everything at face value. It's good if one has a mentor or a very good trusty friend or really who can be soundboard to guide you. Learning the hard way hurts. TY.

[@sarahmackenzie5641]

Growing up with a mother who is a skilled manipulator has bamboozled the whole family.

[@ellyess7203]

Sarah Mackenzie: It's what they do... Mine had her favourite child, my narcissistic half sister, older than I and such a bully. Life was so bad that I think I have not really come to terms with it and I am 70 next year! I have to learn to live with it. I try to learn from it and if possible help others in the same situation. I didn't know anything about what was wrong with her and I married a dangerously covert narcissist 14 yrs older than I and didn't know what was going on there. There were no books and no help. Now I try to help others going through what happened to me. I do hope you have a better life now.

[@squarepeg418]

She has only fooled my extended family. My dad is manipulative as well, but she’s much better at it so he simply resorts to verbally abusing her by telling her exactly how he feels about her which is so cruel but she don’t care because he can’t stop her from parasiting off him or change her behavior. My brother keeps her in his place and I’m the only one with a conscious who doesn’t understand how to play the game they do so the extended family is convinced I’m a monster and I don’t care enough to tell the truth even if they would suspend belief and listen.

[@lilac624]

Feelings don't matter to those manipulative people..

[@ttyeap3335]

Yeah that's fimilar....I had to let family go we just don't view life the same.... If they can't control you they try to destroy you ... Love them enough to let go. . work on you love yourself and cut out the voices of the heart ache ...

[@Nancy-ko2zv]

@@ttyeap3335 well said!

[@reandruzzi]

This is EXACTLY what I needed right now. Thank you.

[@heathermariearmbrust]

I absolutely love that he pointed out how even doing therapy w one of these monsters can create even more trauma for the victim. My narc fooled every one of them and it was just more crazy making for me.

[@odette8905]

Dr George Simon is a leading light. So thankful.

[@rdkuless]

Shame as a perpetrator is far different than the shame a victim feels. The reason is because the "shame" does not belong to the victim, they did nothing wrong. The "shame" belongs to the offender. The problem is that the manipulator/perpetrator/abuser convinced them that they did something wrong and they now need to feel shame. This is when shame turns into avoidance of feelings surrounding the circumstances. And leads to addictive behavior. I honestly believe that anyone with "a healthy sense of guilt" will bring them to a point of asking for forgiveness. A sincere request to be forgiven and who honestly owns up to what you did and changes their behavior. The downfall of asking for forgiveness is that not everyone can. That is the true cost of manipulating someone.

[@rositaditrolio2610]

Slot machine syndrome..staving off depression..Thank you for the descriptive. Totally on pointe. I'm learning at 44 for the first time about boundaries. I'm getting there..thank you both, you are both brilliant souls.

[@day2daywithshenae78]

What a fabulous post. As a person who has been in many relationships with very manipulative people and was married to a Narc/Psychopath. It has made me step back get more information to help me learn what to look for and how to draw the lines so that I can avoid getting wrapped up with these people in the future. I so appreciate people like both of you making this kind of information so accessible.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Day2Day WithShenae,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈!!

[@rebelfoodnurse7743]

Character Disturbance spectrum- that is perfect. They know exactly what they are doing, and they become brilliant in manipulating, lying and playing the innocent. Truly master deceivers. A malignant narc will do whatever they can to destroy you internally and your peace of mind and they are relentless.

[@MsTree13]

Fantastic interview! "Denial to stave off grief and the extreme pain, intolerable pain, one must go through." Wow, truth! Thank you.

[@LG-nh1of]

"Staving off a significant depression. ..and the huge investment" absolutely! you absolutely know something even worse than what you are experiencing is coming your way ....your annihilation. Also agree once you drag your attention off the disfuntional narcopath your life slowly returns then you know you can't go back. Thanks for doing this interview very cool.

[@Realfoodfordudesajw]

Meredith, I know you did this interview a couple of years ago, but I clicked on it because it seemed similar to what I’m going through with my wife (Unfortunately named Meredith also). For 7 years, I tried to do everything for her, and I was always to blame, and started questioning my own sanity. Last summer, after a big argument, she threatened to give herself a black eye and call the police so they can arrest me- I walked away from the argument, and then she jumped on me and started punching me. I called 911, they came and arrested her. For 6 months, she blamed me for the incident, and I let her. 3 weeks ago, I caught her with another man. After giving a ton of excuses, I discovered her chat window open on her laptop, and the only thing she was sorry for was that she got caught. We are separated now Dec 31st, 2018, and going back and forth on beig nice, mean, etc. Like an idiot, I’m checking my emails and texts to get some type of communication, even though it will continue to be abusive. After watching an hour long video which i have never done on you tube, I feel like I took off a pair of sunglasses, and can see so much better. I already texted her, told her I was blocking her texts and emails, and going forward. As hard as I know it will be, I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time. Thank you for posting this video. BTW- I’m a retired Marine with several tours in combat, but was easily manipulated by a 5’4”, 120 pound woman, for 7 years. I know now that it can happen to anyone. Happy New Year and warm regards- AJ

[@seasag7546]

I hope you have healed AJ. Love and light to you.

[@GuitarMatt]

Dude, wherever you're at in 2024 (instead of 2018), you took your balls out of her purse a few years ago! Well done!! If you're still stuck yet again, please do once more so, if she's showing any more signs of trouble and you're still back with her

[@godstomper]

What i discovered is that your first interaction with a highly narcissistic individual or sociopath is all they need to figure out what kind of person you are and how they can manipulate you. If you come off as insecure they will exploit that weakness to a T.

[@musicman4life]

My two favorite champions/mentors dialoguing together? I'm beyond thrilled! Thank you both so much for all you both have shared with me and the world! Signed: Ever learning, former narc morsel

[@InnerIntegration]

Big hug, Kerry!

[@nightsoul9]

I'm waiting for your references. Please back yourself up. Otherwise, it's just an empty opinion. It's always good to hear from other sources.

[@musicman4life]

Big hug back! I wanted to thank you both also for inspiring me into action. I teach a very empowering singing workshop and have been so moved by your and Dr. Simons work, I am now starting a special series for fellow narc abuse thrivers here in Studio City! Imagine, right here in the narc capitol of the world. Blessings to you both.

[@nightsoul9]

This reply was not meant for you Joey Zanne. It was meant to be for Fact Checker. I am interested in his resources, because I like to look at as many angles on a subject as possible in order to decide how I feel about it, or what I can learn from it. Others may have a richer view or deeper experience of something that, upon consideration, might lead to a deeper understanding, or it might not help at all. I'm not interested in having an intellectual argument with you or anyone. Someone's opinion, including mine, is just that -- their opinion.

[@musicman4life]

Thanks! :-D

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

I am so thankful for this information. I have dealt all my life with narcissists who have worked to demean and reduce me to rubble, thankfully I am a Christian and have come to recognize through prayer what the truth is about all of it.

[@Tinkerginamama]

Gwendolyn Wehage amen! Me too!

[@azaramoon4027]

me too.

[@8lack8erry1]

Me too lol

[@squarepeg418]

Knowing all will be revealed gives me such joy. It gives me peace to live my life not defending myself to those whom my mom slandered me to.

[@pegasus5148]

Gwendolyn Wehage, I have come to believe that Narcs are sadists. They enjoy hurting people emotionally and getting away with it. I had to go no-contact with both parents since I know they are Narcs and they never taught me about having "boundaries" and how to recognize "toxic" people.....wonder why?

[@alicemorant28]

They know what they're doing. Good at it.

[@MediaEnslavedNation]

This is a great community. So many really powerful people finding their lost selves, helping each other with a sincerity found nowhere else. Just remember never to take the word victim into yourself. Survivors win.

[@elusivebutterfly9668]

Gaslight was on tv last month and made me think about my husband. I never connected the term to the movie...but then again all of this information is new to me. Thank you so much for helping us! Good people seem to show up in my life at just the right time.

[@graciegg24]

Love it! Dr. Simon has such a passion, and I so appreciate his efforts to educate those in his field. I love it that we can give ourselves permission to judge shitty behavior for what it is. We have been so duped for far too long. A liar is a liar, a cheater is a cheater, a manipulator is a manipulator. Shed the light on it!!!! Let it pour out!!! Over spiritualizing and misunderstanding of spiritual teachings also contribute to the out of control spiraling of this plague of narcissism. Especially the concept of "being nonjudgmental". I learned the very hard way too many times that living in this world requires judgement...and I won't let anyone play semantics with me about the difference between judgement and discernment. Shit is shit no matter how you slice it! Call me judgmental, but my gut says it's the way to go. Thank you Meredith for this one!!!! Brilliant and kudos to you on the compliment from the good Doctor!

[@InnerIntegration]

Exactly! I've been duped into the spiritual abuse you're speaking of as well, made to feel guilty and ashamed of judging a behavior as wrong or bad. As you described, judgment keeps you safe (and sane!).

[@noklarok]

my friend's grandad said.. *just because someone else's shit smells like your shit, doesn't mean it's not shit.* Profound.

[@Symbolsysteme]

Finally People start to get it...*)! I am talking since Ages in my Videos about the value of good judgement. Most of the people in the spritual community feel threatened by my honesty and by speaking about things they don't want to hear. But I don't care. People have to start to be honest with themselves and with others. Otherwise spirituality is not spiritual, but a very naive and even dangerous dream. The interesting Thing is that always when I speak face to face to someone, they agree. But they don't want to talk about it openly.

[@mysteriousotakusmysterious985]

Grace Colleen why guilt everyone feels have to remind you that spirituality has nothing to doe with genetics ?

[@mp-pl8rw]

I couldn't agree more Grace Colleen. I'm furious with all this so called spiritual non-judgemental mumbo jumbo, I got burned more than once trying to ignore my gut feelings and ended up manipulated and abused. Without judgement we wouldn't have survived as a species, isn' it obvious? Criticising and gossiping when it's none of your business is a whole different story - and my guess is that that was the true meaning of the original nonjudgemental teachings, in an effort to stop people from spending their time criticising their neighbours for fun !! But judgement and discernement is crucial to our survival and if anyone has found themselves in really difficult situations they KNOW that good judgement can save lives.

[@mariamellano5374]

This is a fantastic interview. As a therapist, I could not agree more about what he’s saying.

[@brendawilliams7145]

After watching this show and then I took stock of my life and every one of my relationships they were narcissist it makes me sad but I'm facing the truth I'm going to write about it. thanks for putting this tape. It opened my soul. I'm going to write about it. Horrible stuff I put myself through, wading through the abuse.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Brenda Williams,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@xrisku]

A national list of therapists who truly GET narcissistic abuse/psychopathic abuse and what the survivors/victims go through would be extremely helpful. When reaching out for help, I have found one of two things till date: Number One: go to a therapist who lies and claims they understand... but they don't get it. That one will lead you down a long trail of bread crumbs, into a rabbit hole and all around Wonderland before you finally realize that nothing is helping, or helping enough, despite all your hard work. That happened to me a few times in trying to find answers for my child abuse as well as my psychopathic husband. Each time, it's a bit better because I understand a bit better what I need, but it's the same old shit every time in the end. This time, I got proactive, and my therapist found to be a threat. Usually, clients refuse to try different things, I am trying lots of things, and all I was doing was meeting resistance on her part. Possibility Number Two: Therapist simply does not get it. That happened in court ordered marriage counselling when the therapist insisted I hug my husband - a man I cannot bare to touch me because he makes my skin crawl, and then I was shamed into not being able to hug him. In fact, the only person who GETS IT with next to no explanation is the FREE domestic violence therapist I see through the county, but that is only once every 2 weeks, which is not nearly enough. I also found a therapist who gets it - but it's in another state and 65 miles away , which is a real PITA. I live in one of the largest cities in the USA and not one makes it clear they specialize in trauma or victims of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse. I have been stuck in a rut for 1.5 years now as the last year of the marriage was extreme abuse to the point even my husband was encouraging me and trying to drive me to suicide - over his dead body maybe, but not over mine. I am not suicidal. Had I had a fibre of suicidal tendencies in me, I am sure he would have succeeded. I have since left, but my PTSD is getting worse not better. my self-isolation is getting worse not better, and I am trying so hard not to get discouraged, but it IS discouraging when I cannot find a professional to actually HELP and SUPPORT me in the way I apparently require to get me moving again. I finally left my most recent therapist because she was having issues with a group I belong to (for narc/psychopath victims), and she didn't like that I started EFT tapping or that I wanted EMDR. In fact, she said EMDR would be a failure for me (nice prediction, thank you) and that I had to choose between her or having EMDR - I summarily chose EMDR because her making it clear I needed to choose - that my dear is precisely the sort of thing my husband and mother does - and I had a narc flashback and went out of her office, never to return. It seems that I am supposed to cognitive based therapy the shit out of a lifetime of trauma and Cluster B abuse. I somehow doubt that's going to work, even given the rest of my lifetime to focus on this thing only. You don't know when you go to a therapist. They LIE like rugs. They say they can handle the case, and then you find out they don't even know what GASLIGHTING or AMBIENT ABUSE IS, they don't get the situation at all, mine always made a smug lip curl when I said my husband was a psychopath (which invalidated me instantly), you get labeled co-dependent and I was sent to Al-Anon endlessly. In fact, at one point, I was told to go to 5 meetings a week of Al-anon. Al-anon has it's place, but... c'mon. To cope with being married to a psychopath for 21 years? Al-anon? I don't think so. Meanwhile, I am left running pillar to post trying to find someone who GETS IT and get my life back together. IT IS EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING AS MY BRAIN IS ALREADY LIKE SOMEONE HAS TAKEN AN EGG BEATER TO IT, I'm fried/exhausted and then you have to deal with bad therapists on top of all of it. WHY CAN'T THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PSYCHIATRIC COMMUNITY GET IT'S SHIT TOGETHER SO IT CAN HELP THOSE OF US WHO HAVE ENDURED THIS TYPE OF ABUSE???? It's disgusting, really, when I get more validation from a KZbin video than from a paid allegedly trained therapist. I wonder if the community is so callous it doesn't care, so clueless or if they just benefit from keeping us as confused and gaslit as our abusers did. I truly wonder.

[@InnerIntegration]

Wow, I'm so sorry you went through this with the therapists. These are really good words of caution for others. We were just talking about this topic in last night's Q&A. You're right, it would be great to see a list of these therapists. In fact, I'm open to suggestions from anyone who found therapists, around the world since my audience lives in 20+ countries, and I'll put together a list on my website since therapy is complementary to the holistic coaching work I do. Thank you for this suggestion, I'll make a video announcement about this so anyone who does know of a good therapist who understands these abuse dynamics can contribute their name and contact info to the list.

[@xrisku]

That would be so great. If you search Psychology Today, there is nothing for Narcissistic Abuse Survivor or CPTSD (don't want to get into the details of the diagnosis). It's very frustrating. My therapist told me in Feb she had to get re-certified in EMDR and then she could offer the treatment. I asked because I know a bunch of people from a group that I go to who are getting it, and they seem to say it is helping them. I thought, what is the harm? I hung in there until almost June. In beginning-may, I sent an email asking about her EMDR training/alleged brush up course, because I am forgetful in session. Once I sent the email, her demeanor changed completely, and got combative or adversarial. She started arguing with me whether I had PTSD at all. I live it every day and I peg nearly everything on the checklist. I told her that and she says she assessed me for PTSD when I came in and she didn't think so. I printed it out and gave it to her, my answers, so she couldn't say I wasn't PTSD'd. Then next session, it was I didn't present myself as PTSD when I first came in. Apparently, I was to diagnose myself. One session, she said about a book I was reading - LET ME GUESS, EMDR? No. Pete Walker, CPTSD. oh. That session was - tell me things that went wrong this week - and then hour's up. Have a good week. Following week, she broached EMDR with me. I thought FINALLY. Then she proceeded to tell me EMDR would not work for me. She would not recommend EMDR for me until AFTER my divorce was complete (I am in the middle of a very messy international divorce - it may not be complete for YEARS) and I had to pick between seeing her or getting EMDR for insurance reasons (which is probably not even true). I was just like WOW. The whole session this conversation - I'm unsure how it was helpful for me as a patient. Then she says to me, Well I normally like to give an exit interview, I won't be in next week (Memorial Day Weekend) and so good luck with your EMDR. Good Bye. I was flabbergasted. Very negative experience/ended very ugly after I sent the email asking about EMDR. I got the feeling she just wanted to be rid of me. One session, she said to me that others have had a much harder life than me. A buck up little buckeroo type statement. I left that day very upset with how the session had gone as well. EMDR can be very beneficial and I have already helped to clean up one recent very traumatic memory. Honestly, I'm happy to be done with that therapist - it was NOT a great fit. So it was a blessing in disguise, but what a way to get dumped by your therapist. BRUTAL. Endless Al-anon. That seemed to be her cureall - tell me to go to Al-anon. The Domestic Violence Counselor - she got all of it - snap. She totally understood EVERYTHING. I dodn't find myself arguing with her at all - she's like yup. Try this. Try that. Have you tried this other thing. See this. Read that. Anyway, I think some kind of list where therapists have REAL experience with trauma bonding and narc abuse and you don't spend 6 months explaining yourself - that would help some people out. I will be again starting with a therapist in a week or so - NEW ONE. I'm just like - here we go again. Russian Roulette.

[@eaudesolero5631]

A lot of counselors don't get it, they don't get anything. Like most people these days. And One of the problems I have is of course getting stuck in the wring relationship. I've had to learn how to recognize that a counselor was just wasting my time and cut the cord. In fact I found that no counseling was better. Yes I had to find this here. And i found a co-dependent support group near me too.

[@alexparry8207]

That's because therapists ARE MOSTLY CLUSTER Bs! Don't waste your time.

[@corsicanlulu]

i have had very similar experiences w/ "therapists"! most have been so awful, one even yelled at me on our first day! i think its true that some of them are narcissists themselves and pick that career to learn more how to manipulate flawlessly or are simply curious but dont really care for people. i think the only people who should be therapists are empaths, imo. also my experience has been that if u talk about ur narc mother w/ a therapist who is a mother? forget it, they just dont wanna believe that any mom can be like that, they project till the cows come home. i have found great therapists but they are always outta state and i cant afford them either....in general i have given up on therapists and just come to youtube! thank u wonderful youtubers w/so much helpful info! also try melanie tonia evans for her narcissistic abuse recovery program. she's on youtube too

[@lyricswords1]

Man, I'm so glad I found you! And at the same time I feel sad I spent so much time in a bad marriage. You are so right on the money! Thank you

[@mysteriousotakusmysterious985]

Lyric Swords why covert manipulation is emotionally as is everyone rationality is in conversation electrically nature so question mY ask is how does covert manipulation in twisted conscience be expert in manipulation overt intimadation is different yes must question how emotionally functions?

[@zoomzoom3315]

Thank you

[@Traceyi1000]

Lyric Swords time to enjoy life now? Hugs to you

[@janispanizza9932]

I wouldn't rate this guy so highly. He's jumping on the leftist bandwagon

[@PepeDeezNutz]

You look cute. Let’s hang out

[@ja7124]

I am surrounded by narcissist. I have always suspected that my mother never really loved me. The physical and mental abuse was unbearable but being an only child I couldn’t just walk away because their was no one else. I’ve had panic attacks for years and put everyone else first in my life. It has affected my health. I’ve never heard this point of view before and it makes perfect sense.

[@lisalau1784]

OMG he is amazing. I am reading and taking everything he has to say in. Unbelievable...sensational

[@mcdijkhuizen941]

This is about totally a different category of people. I lived my whole live with narcesistic personalities. Don't give hope to people that live with a narcissist. They have to get out of the situation, because they gonna get really hurt.

[@rexdrabble4988]

This guy says,,,with HIS therapy,,,They will change EVENTUALLY!!!! So,its no different from not changing at all because the VICTIM will be demolished by then. I see it as follows,,they KNOW what they are doing It works for them so they keep doing it The ONLY way they will stop is when they see it DOESNT WORK any more That doesnt happen though because there is always another victim THEY DONT CARE and WONT STOP until it COSTS THEM!!!!!

[@JuniperTreeee]

@@rexdrabble4988 he does seem on the "spectrum" but i can't say!

[@starlingswallow]

mc dijkhuizen AMEN! You cannot change a Narc! You can only change yourself. Protect yourself. Educate how to spot them and stay away!!

[@alexadellastella5247]

@@JuniperTreeee i started to doubt at some point

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@rexdrabble4988Exactly. Society should never defend narcissists. Criminals who destroyed innocent people are no victims in any way. Victims are being attacked and predators are guided and protected. I don't buy the theory that predators feel shame. They put up an act in front of psychiatrists and care takers. It's fake. Murderers got special leave because they pretend remorse and then during their special leave in freedom, given to them because of good behavior, they rape and kill a young girl. Happened in my country. They will say those are exceptions well it happened more often and the system is not learning apparently. It's like whole society is a coöperation of narcissists. We should condemn and judge. Judging evil. Narcissists condemn others all the time by doing character assassination and they will not feel guilty about that some day. If they do its an act and the professionals are groomed. Sympathy with the devil. That's just my opinion.

[@leilanilim-limsymon4140]

Loved his book on covert aggression .. really helped in the aftermath of my escape recently

[@CelticSlavicEurasianGirl]

The idea that a person should feel guilt but not shame is something that my mother subscribes to. To me, it has just never made sense! Glad to see that there is a professional who feels the same way that I do!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Nicole Noelle Niehaus,You are beautiful 🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@retrofan81]

I LOVE In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Ever since I first read it over 20 years ago, it nas given me insight into some of the most difficult people in the world. I love the tactics he describes that manipulators use and how to watch out for them. The vignettes based on actual clinical cases are eye-opening. What is most helpful are the tips and tools he gives readers on how to better deal with manipulators.

[@rickiilatino]

The wolf in sheep's clothing book has been very helpful to me for quite a few years now - eye opening stuff. Yes trusting my gut is simple and I will not go wrong, there is an inner peace that is hard to describe.

[@pamelagay12]

Excellent. I love his delivery. Intelligent but humble. Definitely not a narcissist!

[@seckhoffable]

I hope you're not talking about Donald Trump. "I alone can fix it" is the slogan of a true narcissist.

[@escarlit]

agreed. it's an adorable mix tbh.

[@harper6205]

This should be shown and taught in school to protect people from experiencing it (in romantic relationships)or to know how to distance themself and protect the self (with family relationships etc).

[@sharit7970]

[notes to self] Gaslighting 1:00 *Manipulators usually display an intensity of conviction! 3:45 * They're so sure, that they make you doubt! Another 'crazy making' behavior Manipulators prey on the conscientiousness of others 6:43 They all seem to have the same play book 7:35 'therapy induces trauma' when the therapist gets 'snowed', now the victim feels crazier! 15:20 Hoping for the manipulator to change 17:35 Healthy sense of shame helps them change the most 21:00 Addressing character can help them change 24:40 People who are 4 years old emotionally need to be told how to be mature, what to do 25:05 when to cut your losses, and give up hope for change 'slot machine syndrome' 27:00 taking control of your own behavior instead of worrying about them 30:45 **Why do they do it? Ans: it works! 32:00 True denial, example, it's a defense mechanism 36:35

[@echopathy]

I've listened to this more times than I can count. It calms me down. Great talk. In sheep's has a wonderful set of tools and shifted my mind. What I've been through felt offensive at the time, but I was in too deep to see it. Lesson learned hopefully.

[@eaudesolero5631]

i wish everyone would listen to this

[@caitlinmontgomery917]

This is wonderful. I had a narcissistic abusive father, and made my family leave him 4 years ago. He's sick and dying now without his narcissistic supply. It's crazy how when you take away the narcissist's ability to abuse, they literally crumble. When we take back our power, they are weak.

[@xohouseofballoons7840]

Please for the love of all that’s holy, I wish they would make this part of high school curriculum if not public school.

[@retrofan81]

Amen! It needs to be taught in communication and psychology classes in particular. They need to learn about the problem of covert aggression, the tactics manipulators use, how they use them, and what we can do to address manipulators and their tactics. Role-playing in simulating exercises would be helpful. That in a nutshell is what I think it should entail.

[@loveamy.9728]

WHAT AN AMAZING SPEAKER! WOW LOVE HIM SO KIND SO SWEET!

[@LisaMaryification]

I've had to adopt the 'Don't give me that bull' attitude with manipulative people. I found, miraculously, with most it works. Although, it never worked with my own mother who really should be in prison for the physical and emotional harm she caused me and my siblings. But I digress, is it possible for companies or institutions to be manipulative to the point that there is no way out for their victims?

[@naedidcvcccdcvcctatum6484]

Everything he’s saying is true on the nose thank you 🙏🏾 I’m enjoying ur channel and it’s helping me thru some very tough life situations..

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

Im in tears. The elderly couple you described was exactly my mom and dad. I knew when you described the old guys onset of the massive stroke I imagined what my mother experienced and it fit to a t. But I was also at the hospital. And I also spoke to him. He began streaming tears down his face when I thanked him for being my friend and showing up and being kind when I would put myself in the hospital or some such self destructiveness.. He was an asshole and abusive for a big stretch of my life but we had mended and even before we had really, he would show up and not shame me. He planted good seeds. I had the chance to tell him how much that meant to me and how wonderful he had been to my mom. Compatible..he was my stepdad since 1st grade. My dad was devout, so his priest was in the room to give him his 'extreme unction' prayer, death rites, as life support was being removed..so many witnesses to the fact that as I poured my heart out thanking him from my soul, he had tears begin streaming down his face. It caught my attn, I exclaimed abt it, and the priest concurred with me that he could still hear me..his consciousness was aside from the massive brain hemmorage that had him in a coma with no hope of being viable again. He was aware alright. That nurse you called the sensible one was interfering with that womans last moments with her husbands spirit, heart and soul.. Her talking some "sense"..was just as wrong as some of the other old ways of thinking about conscience, you talk about. He was taken ofc life support, breathing mechanism etc..and he hung on..hung on. It was surreal..sad hope full and less too. My mom had to tell my dad it was ok to go, because he hung on and we sensed that he was nit wanting to leave since he loved my mom, people, talking, was a mesmerizing speaker/story teller, and he wouldn't be able to talk so mom told him he would hate not talking:)..it was ok to go. He let go just as my support person arrived and my out of state brother was on the phone with my mom. We each had someone at that moment and I noticed he stopped breathing. It was like the moment we werent looking, he went. When we had support. What a gentleman, I say. On a different note; Im 57 and have been targeted by these cluster b disorders personally and professionally for years. Ive been single longer but its closer ties that are inner circle, and devastating. Thank you

[@lagitane6872]

Great interview. Thank you so much. I experienced being retraumatized by a couple of different touchy feely therapists who literally refused to hear any of my stories about the relationship because "they were only interested in me and getting me to look at me". But I was completely traumatized and desperately needed to talk and have my reality validated; no such luck. I had been gaslighted and spun into cotton candy by this pale excuse for a human being who literally preyed on me when I was grieving and vulnerable as hell. These "therapists" (the rapists) kept telling me how I should be compassionate towards him because "if he hadn't been abused as a child (they knew nothing about him) he would be different since only "hurt people, hurt people". Interesting saying since I was very hurt and had a terrible childhood and yet turned out to be a kind and good natured person who can barely sleep if I feel I may have unintentionally hurt someone. One of these jerks even used fifteen minutes of my therapy time to have me meditate with them! I wasn't strong enough at the time to call bullshit! Sadly, I have very low regard for most therapists and have gained infinitely more help and healing from people like yourself, as well as others on You Tube, which I have found to be a gold mine of self-help. Thanks again!

[@InnerIntegration]

Oh lord! That's the kind of therapy that one will need therapy to recover from. It's a choice. You chose to be a good person. Your ex did not. I'm happy you're finding my content helpful.

[@sungirl9951]

My stalker is a counselor social worker at the va who helps PTSD patients! Shes nuts!

[@kamihimes]

What a great interview! Thanks to both of you for taking the time to teach therapist like me, and others about what we really need to start looking for and demanding! And that is, good character!

[@samire.tarcheh9651]

This interview is just priceless! It’s absolutely great. Thank you both for taking the time and for sharing your knowledge with everyone else and special thanks to you Meredith for being a warrior of light.

[@poppyfernhairstudio4786]

Amazing! This is the most helpful information I’ve seen yet!

[@davidkepke1435]

Great interview. I read his book In Sheep's Clothing a few years ago, and thought it was excellent. I think a book about how to deal with difficult people in various situations, such as work, and business transactions (real-estate, tenant/landlord), extended family situations with plenty of examples would be great. The more real-life examples the better, and not just high-profile examples, because most people don't live high-profile lives. I'm not implying Simon's book lacked average people examples, but I've read a lot of other books that do, and while I found them entertaining and helpful, they are situations most people would never find themselves in. Thanks for this video. It was entertaining and enlightening.

[@rockinout4990]

David Kepke Which books have you read with real life examples?

[@maryellenl1974]

I so relate to every bit of this! I’m now recovering from CPTSD and 6 months out of a 27 year relationship with someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder. He cheated for 3 years “that I know of”, I’m certain there was more. He absolutely made me feel insane. He’d even yell at our therapists over the years and tell them how crazy I was. That he “was the most honest person in the world” and he had enough of my nutcase a*s accusing him of cheating. I’d apologize and cry and hate myself and believe most importantly what he said over what my gut said. Huge mistake!! Huge! I see a trauma specialist now and she says I have a long hard road ahead of me to undo the tremendous damage his years of lies, emotional, physical, psychological abuse. I get sick when I realize how much he’s done to me.

[@tamarawilliams2341]

Dont except that long hard road. Keep searching on here bc you will find the key to unlock the healing. Trust me. Follow your heart. Keep going and dont numb it. You have to go thru. Dont fight it. Its not that bad or hard but when we struggle against it its even harder. If that makes sense. Focus on you and your part in healing. Stop looking at him unless you need to educate yourself on things first. Then you look inward love.

[@tamarawilliams2341]

Say to yourself this path is going to be a beautiful journey of finding myself. Not a ling hard road. Watch the self talk or internal dialogues. Find the core value and change it.

[@eagleeye2300]

A trauma specialist telling you that you have a long hard road ahead of you sounds like a not great trauma specialist. It does take time but geez, saying it that way is discouraging.

[@DreamingCatStudio]

Just found this and am so happy I did. I’m thinking I can apply the character wisdom to myself first and foremost. Thank you for this wonderful information and insight.

[@RomyMacias]

This interview is earth shattering as far as addressing character. This is SO new to me! Thank you for the amazing interview with Dr. Simon.

[@SamytheBullFitness]

I'm a strong believer of the saying "if there is a will, there is a way"...with narcissists there is NO WILL! So there is NO CHANGE!

[@kerikeenan4176]

The only change you should expect is the one within you.

[@shirleycolee1]

True, they're happy and comfortable with the way they are.

[@robbieharvey]

I always found him to be a truly intelligent person, and he really helped me accept reality of different relationships I have had. Incredible to me that you organized this interview....congrats.

[@InnerIntegration]

He has wonderful insight and expertise to share. He's been trailblazing this path for decades now! So grateful he has opened the path for the rest of us.

[@robbieharvey]

Meredith...I just watched this interview again. He seems to be the only person on earth who says he has found the secret to 'improving' N's with 'tough love' ...a kind of moral policeman of the identity, ....who can cure character disturbance.... This seems totally contradictory and confusing. The target 'losing the investment' of hoping that the N can change, but at the same time advising the target to leave the slot machine. At the same time saying that the N can change... Any comment welcome.

[@rjlacroix3334]

Thank you Meredith , I'm so grateful for everything you do , this is one of the most profound interviews I've seen so far . It has helped me greatly to process my experience with my NPD wife .. I'm grateful for this video with Dr Simon . Truly empowering .

[@lisasunshine7654]

This interview is fantastic! I learned some critical tips! I want to read all his books now! Thank you so much!!

[@thepaintedlady4637]

Great video. The only problem with the idea of changing behavior, is that the narcissist will actually have to recognize and acknowledge that they are guilty of bad behavior. Not too many narcissists out there with this kind of insight, or would be willing to admit their role in any problem. Sometimes the path of least resistance is for the other person in the relationship is to establish distance, go 'no contact', or end the relationship. I have a Narc father and he will never admit he is in the wrong with anything, everyone else is the problem and he likes to judge and condemn. It is literally a waste of time and energy to work on the relationship.

[@InnerIntegration]

Exactly!

[@shirleycolee1]

True. Their behavior does not bother them. It's called 'ego syntonic'. They're fine, comfortable, happy with it. It bothers everyone around them. But they don't care.

[@Tealeafsong]

The Two of You created a great interview. Thank you!

[@laruehundemer-jones3118]

I have a younger Sister that has been like this to me. One day I was talking and she turned and said, you never interrupt me when I am talking. I did not confront her as we had company. I regret that now.

[@diplomasaurus4232]

Omg! I have learned helplessness!! From childhood abuse from family, set me up for failure all the way through to early adulthood and beyond.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Dawn Turner,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@jjonezy504]

OmG...Gurllllllll...you are awesome. You asked all the right questions. I felt like you were asking them for me! I love the Doctor too. Thank you and much love.

[@carlatibbetts8815]

I love this interview ..... Two people who do "GET IT"

[@Livstarling]

Dr Simon is a legend! I've been on his email list for a little while now, and just love when I see one of his emails come through for me to read. He just gets it, and I love how he calls it a Character Disturbance, as I always feel personality is not hard-wired and is so much easier to change and changes over our years of life as we mature, but character is hard-wired, and the NPD people in our lives seem very hard-wired in their behaviours. Love how he explains why its so hard to leave a person with NPD, where he states something like, we have been trying to nurse them to health for all these years, it's really if you dig deep down, exactly what makes it so hard to remove ourselves from their lives. Thanks for this really cool interview Meredith & Dr Simon.

[@deafsummer3527]

Manipulators are aware of what they are doing but it’s so ingrained that you can see certain automatic responses that are involuntary