Understanding Rebound Relationship Psychology

Clay Andrews discusses the rebound relationship psychology. If you want to learn more about getting your mindset and emotions prepared for a great relationship, check out modernlove.life/class
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If you are in a rebound relationship or someone you know is, it can be a difficult thing to experience. Especially if you understand the relationship psychology behind everything that is going on.
Rebound relationships have a very poor track record, and for good reasons.
Usually when people enter into a rebound relationship, they will be trying to avoid the pain and uncertainty that comes after a breakup.
However, this isn't exactly what happens in most cases.
You might think that a person's mate choice after a breakup would be completely random based on who they happen to meet, but it typically isn't this case at all. Usually they end up with someone who is very similar to their ex either in physical appearance or personality... or they may end up with someone who is the exact polar opposite.
This dynamic means that they are not creating a relationship intentionally and organically. They are still emotionally attached to the previous relationship.
They are living in reaction to what happened in the previous relationship... even if their new partner is the exact opposite of their previous one.
Of course, you cannot suppress the emotional experience of a breakup forever. It will creep back into your life in one way or another. And suddenly you may find more and more problems with the rebound partner, possibly as they remind you of your ex or as you work through the issues from the breakup, you may realize that you just aren't into someone who is either similar or the exact opposite of your ex.
So, if you're looking for rebound relationship advice, first and foremost, do not go out of your way to enter into a rebound relationship. Secondly, if you are in one, know that there is going to be a lot of stress that comes into that relationship down the road as those emotions from the breakup begin to become resolved. #ReboundRelationships

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for tuning in. If you want to check out the link I mentioned in the video, here it is again: modernlove.life/class

[@VibingTribes]

The definition of insanity isnt doing the same thing over and expecting a different result. Thats the definition of addiction. I'll never watch any of your material ever again.

[@unstoppableneedle]

omg. thank you so much for this video. i’ve been looking everywhere for something like this. i appreciate you you’re my savior! ❤️

[@ClayAndrews]

You're welcome, Tabitha. Glad to hear that you found the video from our channel that resonates with you. :-)

[@tupilator1]

If there is projection in their rebound, do they eventually realize that that new person is not you?

[@rearams5206]

This is the realest video I've come across KZbin 🙌 👏

[@nameavailable987]

I came here to learn about my ex’s reasons for monkey branching/rebounding but realized we both might’ve been each other’s rebounds. We both came out of extremely controlling relationships but couldn’t make it work due to distance. He monkey branched to a new girl to make it easier for himself I guess but at least now I can see my own mistakes and thankful that I don’t have it in me anymore to need rebounds or monkey branch. Hoping he realizes soon and heals on his own too.

[@nameavailable987]

There was a lot of love and it was a learning experience. Still hurts to know he could do that to me after being there for each other and knowing how much we’ve been burned by others. But I can’t tell him how to heal.

[@kerissagilles6347]

I came here in fear of being the rebounder, and I am now realizing that most people who rebound don’t know they are and feel so much more at peace. Also it helps to know that it’s more of the obsession of the negative in the past relationship instead of both the good and bad. I feel I may not be 100% over him but I don’t think anyone does get to that point, though I’m at peace with it. No I don’t want to be in the same call as him, yes I blocked him everywhere, but I did it because he was obsessing on me. I’m glad you were able to clear this up for me. Gonna do some more research on my situation and try to get a deeper understanding of what I need to do to be my best self for anyone new that comes into my life!

[@JS-wo7zd]

Man I’m on the side of being a rebound for a woman. She just left me for the second time. This time after two weeks. The first time after a week. We got on so well.. but after hearing this I can see now that I was the polar opposite of her ex. I’ve been grieving all week and felt like I’d never get over it but this information... man it helped so much. Acceptance I guess. Thank you so much for posting this!

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi JS, I'm sorry that you have to go through a tough situation in life. We hope that you are holding on well. Glad to hear that the video had resonated with you and happy to hear that we became a part of y our healing process. Sending more positive energies on your end.

[@youtubesucks2755]

J S bro tell me more. I just experienced the same thing. Just one week of fling. How did you get to the second time part? She said she doesn't want to get involved again and she is not ready for anything after the breakup with her ex and that this was a mistake that will not happen again.

[@v.89G]

Is it also the case when the one got already distance in the rs? My ex went 3 days after our short term relationship with a old friend who is fresh single too. Both hot got deeply hurt in past n he said maybe thtswhy they hooked up..

[@markis2012]

Broke up January 1st 2018. She is dating another guy for last 6-7 months. She refuses to stop talking to me hasn’t stopped since we broke up. Longest time of no contact was 1.5 weeks. She texted and called me to tell me she loved me and missed me. That was a month ago. Still in contact she told me her and the new guy are thinking about taking a break. She is afraid I will hurt her again because I broke up with her in the original breakup. The new guy Doesn’t seem to have a plan in life when it comes to career or life in general and that is the reason she is afraid to fully commit to him. Her words not mine. Don’t think we will get back together but only time will tell. I enjoy your videos and hope things can work out. Letting her contact me first.

[@noubietube3062]

Update?

[@ceejlg1209]

hello mr. clay your advises really help me a lot... thank u💗 from 🇵🇭

[@rememberingtommy3301]

Hay salamat! Akala ko ako lang pinoy rito na sawi hahahaa😂

[@chastyne]

Can they be in a rebound relationship even if we were only together for half a year? They got into a relationship less than a month after the breakup

[@danganhthu]

He is in a rebound abt 2wks after breaking up with me. The other girls is nothing me like me -_- he knew it wasnt love and he accepted her feelings while he was a bit drunk -_- I felt like being burnt so badly because I have been worrying like hell for his mental health because he has so much depression and a kind of avoidant attachment.

[@swativirdi3020]

Exactly same thing happened here. 🤷‍♀️

[@pinkflowersarecool3240]

Same thing happened here

[@rainygamedays5873]

My ex went to her ex husband. He's 2 years older than me, but he only has more financial stability than I do. He just an older worse version of me, and she's been telling me about how much she doesn't like him. Then he gave her an ultimatum about is talking, they argued for a whole day before she messages my friend( not even me) saying that I'm amazing but she's not allowed to talk to me anymore. She's telling my friend "it makes me really sad, but don't let anyone control ypir happinesses". Now either she knows or she's manic but we haven't talked in a week but the next day she's messaged me, I didn't answer, and then she made facebook public after unadding me. I'm almost positive it's a super small ticking Time bomb now. She hates everything about being there with him and all she had wasme and now he took that away. Any tips?

[@georgespangler1517]

She left after 13 years together,,and didn't date anyone for years until she saw me with someone else and a week later she was with another man and married him soon after, I feel it was all a response to knowing I was happy with another, and now there never together,

[@lilywashere_]

Is there a bigger chance for a rebound relationship to ”succeed” if the rebound is similar to the ex compared to being the polar opposite? My ex has hooked up with his neighbour - first best thing - three weeks after dumping me for trivial and pretty much unclear reasons. I suspect he’s a dismissive avoidant. I don’t know his rebound but she looks just like me and we have the same name…

[@brittanyivey6517]

Just found out my relationship started as a rebound. I always had a feeling but he never admitted it. He just told me last night that I helped him get over her, I knew I was only good for helping until they get what they want/need. We are coming up on 2 years, spoke about our future, and got pregnant; we’ve been through a lot together too. He says he only wants me, but I’ve found that he would lie to me a lot about certain things. And now I don’t know if I trust it. I feel like it’s going to end up like the others, and I’m going to end up lonely again. How do I know it’s true?! How do I know he wouldn’t leave me for another chance with her?! They were on and off for years. And if he IS over her, how do I know he honestly just wants me now and isn’t hiding the fact he wants to leave out of guilt?! I don’t want to get married one day just to get a divorce later and put our kids through that. I already had to deal with that with my ex. But I’m not trying to make him feel trapped either. I love him. And it really hurts to find that out, I would still like to be with him, but I don’t want to be in a forced relationship either. I want him happy. And yeah he lied but why though?! Idk anymore. How do I know I’m not still just a rebound or a placeholder from guilt?! I’m so tired of being hurt like this. Maybe he’s scared I won’t let him see the baby?! But I wouldn’t dream of it. How do I really know I’m worth it anymore…. I feel disgusting. Hideous. Empty. Worthless. Undesirable. Idk anymore.

[@brittanyivey6517]

Sorry about the comment being so long.

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

Aww 4 years ago. I'm new to this channel.

[@kitty2doggyMeow]

How do I become part of the live chat?

[@kausarshafii]

Hi Clay, i have a question to get clarity on my situation. I just had a breakup after my ex caught lying and cheating. So i am intentionally wants him out of my life and apartment, but some of his stuff is still here and one of it is his late grandmother's table which i think quiet a sentimental value for him. and its already been few months and he did not even arrange to collect his remaining stuffs. i dont want to ask him about this because i think if the stuffs really important he will just take it and be gone from my life forever. but this make me wonder why he left something here, is it like a time out? or a chance for him to talk maybe after calmer water? he does have issuess with communication. lol. i just want him happy tho with whatever his choice and move on. so its kinda unfair for me to do the same if he seems like he still have some unfinished business with me.

[@victoriajensen6588]

Hi Kausar! How is your situation now? Did hei take his furniture from your appartment? How long time you had to keep his stuff at your place? I am in the same situation now. Already 2 months.

[@beninthefield8502]

The ex is now with a mini - me 😆

[@sheanettabatchelor8452]

Ben Inthefield same lol

[@rainygamedays5873]

2 years older but honestly a big idiot that doesn't know what he has, and constantly makes her tell me how bad he is to her

[@sivan1342]

She even found someone with the same horoscope haha 😄

[@nameavailable987]

Mine is my polar opposite lol

[@christopherdriver9369]

Same! My ex's rebound looks like a much shorter and chunkier version of what I looked like at the time of the breakup. So silly.

[@willisbaldridge8147]

Hello Clay, My ex has expressed that she has gotten into her "new relationship" too fast & she realizes it now, & that they don't know each other. She said him & I are similar other than he's emotionally insecure & sensitive & I'm not. But she wants to see where it goes. Do I still have a chance to get her back? They got together 2 weeks after her & I broke up. Then she moved him in 4 days later.

[@djcalvin408]

i'm going through similar situation. did she ever come back?

[@willisbaldridge8147]

@@djcalvin408 Unfortunately no. We're still separated, she's stopped following me on social media except fb messenger she's nearly completely ghosted me and I haven't a clue why or what happened. Especially when we were talking and getting along really well. It was spontaneous and I didn't even see it coming.

[@allisonbrown7037]

He doesn't want me to reach out to him I have to wait for him to reach out to me he hates me ever since The Break-Up he seems to hate me

[@danz10001]

Can they unconsciously be unaware they rebounded you? Like can a few weeks go by and then that whole time maybe they weren't aware that's what they were doing especially when they seemed so open at first?

[@johnwick2338]

Yes. They could

[@christokruger1450]

Hi Clay obviously I'm making all the mistakes even while I know what not to do🤦🏻‍♂️but I'm back on the friend path. She is in a rebound or I pray it is she is taking it slow and its a complete opposite of any relationship she ever had is it a rebound or is my chance lost. She told me in my face that she still loves me and she is not in love with the new guy but she is starting to gro to love him please this is my future wife what do I do please pleas help! 😭😭😭

[@remyd1984]

Cut the strings!!!

[@remyd1984]

Just realised it’s 2 years ago. How did it pan out for you?

[@soolabaloolabashoogalanool1581]

Me and my gf broke up about 2 weeks ago. She then got into a relationship almost a week after and now she constantly talks about how she loves him and has brought her new relationship to the level that we had after 2 years. We’ve tried no contact but it just doesn’t work for us. We’re friends now but I’m honestly scared for her. She gets so caught up in these things and I don’t want her heart to break more. I need some advice on how to help her. I tried telling her about rebound relationships but she hung up and kept saying that she loved him, almost like she was convincing herself.

[@hammxrs8539]

They gotta learn it for themselves bro. Just walk away that dude will mess up eventually just don’t say or do anything. Work on yourself and she will come back eventually but by that time you might not even care anymore.

[@nicklavoie7564]

They'll never listen to you telling them that. They "want" what they want in their mind. Just let nature play its course

[@doledo571]

how did they end up

[@johnwick2338]

Any new updates?

[@allisonbrown7037]

When is phase 3 ?

[@martinjones3552]

Clay I would really like to explore this with you...... my mental health is really poor right now. also due to funds I'm not sure what I could afford.... but would really like your help.. maybe you could use me as a case study in return? How ca I e mail you?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Martin, I really appreciate your confidence in me, but the truth is that I am not a therapist or psychologist or anyone qualified to help with mental health issues. I very much advocate these things, but aside from writing about them, making videos about them, etc, I am not qualified to diagnose or treat mental health issues. I would search for someone who is qualified to help you in your area and see if they would be open to some pro bono work. If you really want to know my opinions on these sorts of things, you can also check out my books over at: modernlove.life/book or over on amazon too.

[@jackooo77]

martin jones search infinite waters he is really good for mental health. Hope your ok,I’ve had really, really dark times recently - it will get better!! I promise!!

[@silverandmold]

My ex reaches out to me occasionally. Should I point out to her that she jumped into a rebound relationship and that the euphoria and fast-moving pace she is experiencing is typical, and the relationship is not likely to last? Or is she likely to get angry and view it as sabotaging the relationship, so I should just keep my mouth shut and wait for it to play out?

[@ClayAndrews]

If ever you would point it out, would you be ready to handle any possible outcome?

[@noubietube3062]

Update ?

[@silverandmold]

@@noubietube3062 @Noubie Tube Due to COVID, she moved in with him, and they are still together. She's comfortable and secure with him. We get together for lunch occasionally, and I've helped her with financial matters that he is less knowledgeable about. I've also moved on with someone else, but we remain in each other's hearts and agree there probably will never be another love like ours.

[@dotfive5six477]

Did you point it out? Update please for others going through this

[@snobbips5107]

I and my ex gf ....we were in relationship for 2 years .... suddenly she dumped me and got in relationship with other guy ........after 2 years I couldn't even forget her and I approached her but she said me to move on man.....it hurts a lot man ..seeing her with other guy ...tell me what to do??💔

[@mayrachavez4979]

Going through the same. My marriage lasted 10 months and he started dating a month later 💔🥺

[@AkashMondal-dg6wj]

Same here full copy ....2years relationship and now.....

[@bellaclark5439]

Hi Clay, So I have been with this guy for 9 months, recently I found out he was cheating on me. I confront him about it and he called to ended with her 2days later I find this strength in me and just break things off completely and blocked him everywhere.. it's not even two weeks fully but he's in a relationship with her.. is this a rebound relationship? what's the meaning behind his action? Btw I'm so upset!

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Bella, I understand that this can be quite frustrating. Is cheating something that is aligned to your personal values or a dealbreaker?

[@bellaclark5439]

@@ClayAndrews definitely a dealbreaker, I'm just questioning if he's feeling was ever real.

[@kenyajohnson7957]

My Ex is in a rebound after our 5 year relationship we only broke up a month and a half ago.She still calls my son though I don't understand this

[@djaay_5055]

Any updates?

[@seanking6184]

Similar situation here in terms of time together and rebound, update??

[@Hutchinswhitney11]

My ex and I just got out of a 12 year relationship recently and 2 months he’s dating someone with my name. whitney. And he’s the relationship kind, he’s in love with me; obsessed. He could have stayed with me forever and never lost feeling. But idk if it’s a rebound or not.

[@FM-zg5hz]

Similar thing with my ex - he is a serial monogamist. But I’m learning that this is unhealthy attachment style. Needing to be in a relationship to be happy is not a good sign. We are the ones who are healing - not them. They’re using a new person as a band-aid to suppress the pain.

[@Hutchinswhitney11]

F M I agree!! But you can’t skip the pain. I broke up with him. It’s new right now but we’ll see what happens down the road. We’ve done this before over and over. He dated another girl for a year and never stopped loving me

[@FM-zg5hz]

Whitney Jalea Did we date the same guy? 😂 My ex did the same thing. He dated his close friend for a year and said he never stopped loving me. In the meantime I moved on and we stayed in touch as friends, then he wanted me back but I told him I’m not dating him unless he goes to therapy and fixes things about himself. He tried for about a year to be with me and then 3 weeks ago he ended it. Now he’s posting someone else already. Maybe this time it’s actually over since he is the one who stopped trying.

[@riprpmike1433]

Sounds like you ended it...

[@mayrachavez4979]

Update?

[@hazeleyes2381]

Is it a rebound if they were already cheating with this person ( or multi persons) before they left?

[@ClayAndrews]

It could be a rebound especially if the person that they got into a relationship filled that gap and the needs that was not achieved when you both are in a relationship.

[@mahmoudamen5297]

Hello.. i really want advice about a girl i chat with her and shes likes to talk to me and we will dating but shes has other guy shes attracted to hem what should i do to let her turn on me only

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Mahmoud, That is something that you cannot have full control of especially that the girl has their own free will to make a decision. The point here is that, how would you bring your best self to inspire the affection of the girl and you'd stand out among the other men around her.

[@mahmoudamen5297]

Clay Andrews comfortable thank u

[@melissabassett4330]

My ex jumped into a rebound relationship within a week of the breakup and moved her in behind my back . He’s still reaching out to me from day one of isn’t breaking up and wanting to see me etc and also lying to her about me still being in the pic etc . He texts and keeps in touch every few days or so. I find it funny that he’s “moved on”...(his words) but yet still wants to keep me in the fold and on his life. Why be with a new person if u can’t let go of the old one ?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Melissa, that's the thing with getting into a rebound relationship. Some would think that being in a new relationship will help them heal emotionally despite haven't moved on 100% from the old one.

[@stevenwylie6175]

I'm in the same boat. She's with the new guy but texts me constantly. Also slowly finding out he's not better tells me everything that bothers her about him to me. Feels like I'm slowly dying inside

[@melissabassett4330]

@@ClayAndrews I love your videos and relationship advice. Its got me thru many nights of heartbreak and feeling like I wasn't good enough when that couldn't be further from the truth. Thank you so much

[@TheDac12046]

Just found out my ex is now in a relationship with a new guy. Im pretty sure its a rebound because she made it public on her Facebook and on his profile it shows he was in a relationship with another girl like 12 days before she made it official with him he even has a old profile picture of him and the other girl. I'm really happy for her. If thats what she wants good luck me and my ex were together for a year and a half and been broken up for almost two months now

[@noubietube3062]

@@TheDac12046 update?

[@shawnmcdonley1993]

If a ex already know there rebound from years ago is it a rebound

[@FM-zg5hz]

Yes. Because if they truly wanted to date this person they’ve known for years they would have already done it. Now they’re just using the person as a way to get over the pain.

[@renzjacob7380]

My ex monkey branched to another guy, their scenario will be desame to rebound?

[@aprilmiller2374]

It can.

[@aanmerie]

It was so sudden. All of the sudden it began to unfold.....oh the guilty always acusse....he was caught doing all the very things he had been accusing me of. I've gone no contact. But dam that was my best friend we got a lot invested. He left for some chic who everyone says is crazy. He talked a gang of crap about her too. Back stabbed. I feel betrayed

[@ClayAndrews]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Anmerie. I understand how hard it must be for you. I hope that you would heal from the pain that the situation had caused you.

[@allisonbrown7037]

wow 17 years that's a little too long hopefully it doesn't take that long for my ex to reach out

[@allisonbrown7037]

He doesn't want me to approach him at all he wants to do it when he's ready he wants me to stay away from all connections of him

[@kllmsftly]

Been there. He later told me he hated me - translation, he was still caught up. He hated what he couldn't have, even though he was seeing two women during our 5 month separation. He went as far as to reaching out to the two of them the day after I left him. The day after??? Both were women he had flings with in the past. Sex addiction comes to mind... He said he wanted someone to be with to help him with the pain he felt. You can't make this stuff up....

[@mscisland]

My ex is seeing a guy who is some what similar to me. 😂😂😂 She really wants him to be me. NOPE. You had that chance and blew it. You’re probably wondering how he’s similar to me. Me and this twat are both from the Caribbean. We were once frat brothers before the frat got banned, and when I started To chill with the frat, she would come by to get me so me and her can chill. One day I was hanging out with my ex girlfriend ( But she was my girlfriend at the time ). He comes by and twinks at her, sometimes she would look at him, and she knew that I wouldn’t like it. One day when I’m not there he goes up to her, and asks her if she’s certain of the relationship, and if she wants to leave. In my head I’m asking myself why is he asking her this?. He’s suppose to be my frat brother. So after a few weeks we break up. She kept calling me after 2 weeks of my silence, and then 3 months later She calls me. But I feel like he’s trying to date her because he’s started to hang out with her friends. But every time I see her she looks extremely depressed.

[@Mijn24]

Man I ruined it with her. She said to never write her again but for some reason she doesn’t remove me or our comments she said specifically she would in a few weeks

[@ClayAndrews]

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know it can feel really tough when things don't go the way that you hope.

[@Mijn24]

Clay Andrews I don’t know if she will come back

[@allisonbrown7037]

I am dating someone else now

[@whoismatjack4823]

Funniest thing is that she acts and says that she is all happy... But literally everyone. Even her friends.. Me.. Family telling her and can say she changed... Alot. But she says she is so happy with her life right now and started to date someone new... She met his parents like on the second time they ever met and he was one of her lovoo one night stands... After she broke up with me she was never really alone and healed in my opinion.. She always was with friends (that's good though) and had over 2 docents of one night stands etc... She is 36 with a 5yr old daughter.. Hell I also miss this kid and her family. And I'm 21...when she broke up she had those typical excuses "I don't see this can workout and I dont want any other relationship ever again in my life because I don't have these feelings etc etc" now she is talking to our friends how much she loves this new guy.. For his dark humor and his "bad boy" behavior.. Lol this was how I was when we first ever met actually and she didn't liked me like that.. So I changed to be a better human in general. For her and my friends and every body and for myself... At first we were 2years best friends.. Then we were 1 year and a half in a relationship.. Even tho she broke up with me 4months ago she confirmed me last week too thst I was her most intense and beautiful relationship ever.. Well.. I have good instinct and even tho she was my first ever relationship I know that I was damn good. And I doubt that this will last what she has right now. But I rly don't know if she can ever "fall in love" with me again.. I know.. The attraction is still there. I know that I'm still a handsome/hot/beautiful whatever you want to call it guy.. In general and also for her.. And I know that this emotional connection has to be worked on again.. I just hope that she can work on it again.. But I know this will not happen in the soon future.. Maybe I'll also find someone new.. (I still don't want to. Im a hard lover... Im rly someone you can count on and go through hell with..)

[@allisonbrown7037]

I am dating someone else

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Allison, It sounds like you have opened yourself to the possibility of having a new love. :-)