Understanding Selective Mutism | Candice Powell-Caldwell | TEDxNewarkAcademy

[@ducktape808]

I wish that all the people who never understood me could see this and just know that I'm really trying my best.

[@maria.d107]

Same here 😭

[@mubinaf1654]

Samee 😭

[@mei4317]

same

[@amberslahlize7961]

I gotta tell you, it was really frustrating dating my husband, even when he told me he had a degree of selective mutism, it was still so infuriating, here he was wanting to date me, yet wasn't delivering what I needed in order to have a healthy relationship (communication is key in any relationship), and well...my anger became more and more tame, and he was able to speak more and more free with me, the key I learned was that he had to not feel pressure...but interestingly enough, he noted that if I pressured him enough he would speak...so maybe that's not a compliment on my part, but in my defense I have a lot of patience, and I learned to communicate non-verbally with him, physical touch has become some of the most important things in our relationship, and yes, I can even tell the difference in his silence whether he is angry, sad, or even just content. I think some part of me still wishes he would explode with words, but I know who he is, and as the mother of the daughter said about her, neither does my husband let selective-mutism define him.

[@beanhead7632]

@@amberslahlize7961 I completely understand, but at least you put in the effort to still help him and all that! Which is really good of you!! I have friends, at school (about 6-8), and I remember sharing to 2-3 closer ones about my case of SM and yes, they began to treat me more soft and all that, but that only lasted 2-3 weeks, where after that, they started to kind of pressure me more as well as ignore me. Got it point where they all started to ignore me, but were still “my friends”.. ?? Not sure tbh, I would call them acquaintances. As someone with SM, there is something called “freeze response”, where if I am in “danger”, I am prevented from speaking at all, with no control over it. In addition, for me, giving me 2-3 weeks to completely overcome my SM is practically impossible, no matter how lenient or mean you are to me, it doesn’t really help me..

[@Rach6771]

Selective Mutism is hard, especially when people around you don’t understand it, I was always in trouble for not speaking and it didn’t help- so glad more information is now being spread so people can better understand this disorder. I wanted to speak more than anything, but, I would try to (sometimes even I would think I was speaking), but no words came out

[@confused8365]

I read all these sad stories about SM in this comment section, but for me, it was such a relief to hear about this! I'm 22, I learnt about this disorder this year, and I already notice I'm much kinder to myself. In the past, I'd ask "why can't you talk?", "Why are you like this?", "What is wrong with you?", "Everyone else can talk, just do it!" Basically to my reflexion in the mirror. The one thing that was ruining my life was myself. Now, the switch changed. My "enemy" doesn't wear my face anymore. It's something entirely different. my self-esteem is getting better. I wish there was more awareness about this, it would change lives. I know it would have changed mine... It already started.

[@shelleybean1112]

This isnt just a childhood issue

[@brittanyritenour4695]

Yes it doesn’t go away if it’s the real disorder

[@alysongamble9642]

I just recently found out this is a thing, and I think I have it. It's like my brain literally forgets how to formulate words in certain social situations. With shy people, they have something to say but are afraid to. With selective mutism, it's basically forgetting how to talk, at least with me.

[@themisanthropechannel8052]

Ellie W Thank you for sharing. I was helping a student with SM and nobody would or could tell me what it was about.

[@emmag1477]

I have SM and it’s not about forgetting it’s about being under such a high state of anxiety that you can’t. Sort of like being paralyzed in fear.

[@thedoctor7247]

It's not about that. Selective mutism is when you want to talk. Let's just say someone asks you if you're ok, you want to say "yes" but are unable to. The words won't come out even if you try. I know because I often tried to force myself to say things. I could be trying to shout for my own life but the words wouldn't come out.

[@karenryan6654]

@@thedoctor7247 Exactly. When I had it, I tried to speak but I couldn't. Something happened to my throat. It was like what happens when you are really scared and you can't scream.

[@ericgutierrez1895]

@@karenryan6654 Did you out grow it? How did you rid yourself of it? This issue is severely keeping me from doing the things I want to do.

[@Cervantesbracetty]

Wow I wish I had parents like you. I just discovered today that I have SM. I am 25. I have difficulty keeping jobs because of it. My life is literally controlled by it. Your daughter is so lucky omg. You’re an amazing human and you are saving her from so much pain and struggle. I’m so thankful for this video. I am finally in therapy and see a psychiatrist. I will bring this up to them as I feel they don’t actually understand me at all and it’s really difficult to explain my self. Thank you so much!

[@JoeRymo]

So true!

[@aliurk3966]

Do you know where I can get help? I can only talk to strangers...not family. Thanks

[@aprilkite_]

Ali Urk thank you for sharing. As SM is a social anxiety it may be good to learn about ways to help you cope with the anxiety aspect. There are free (government funded) online health portals to help people with anxiety, it may be a good starting place. ask your family doctor to help you. I had selective mutism as a very young child around my family, it was frustrating. Luckily I did push through it, little by little. I was kind to myself and tried to keep a sense of humour about it. It remember it was sort of strange forgetting how to talk but it was very real. You can do it. There are tools to help calm your fight or flight response, feel safe, breath and settle enough to find words again. Set the bar really low, baby steps. For example - preplanning what I could say in a given situation helped me. Honestly the world has come along way in understanding. You can get creative too, like using ‘tonal talking’ or sound effects to convey meaning. Or Emoji cards and laugh about it. If you and your family can find the humour and compassion it will be easier. Meditate and Mindfulness also works wonderfully. You’re ok and you deserve to feel safe everyday. 💗

[@StrangeOthers]

I was diagnosed with SM and anxiety when I was 9. Before that, everyone thought I was just being a brat. I cried every day before school, begging my parents to just let me stay home. After I was diagnosed, I went to therapy for a little while, but they were just trying to force me to talk. My parents are so sorry for how they treated me, but I don’t blame them. They had no idea what I was going through, and neither did I. My elementary school didn’t take action till I was in Fourth grade. It took them that long to ask themselves, “Hey, is there something wrong with this kid?” I’m 16 now and still struggle with SM and anxiety. I talk a lot more than I used to, but I still often shut down. My school makes money off of me, yet they somehow fail to inform my teachers.

[@angelbagel13]

That last sentence- I never realized that

[@hehehallo22]

I am so sorry you have to go through these experiences. Out of an academical interest: in what ways do you think your school could help you break down those barriers? Or what would have helped you to communicate/ feel comfortable at school?

[@IngeniousDimensions369]

People asking me to speak is very annoying. You can make good grades, mind your business, & maintain a clean work area & someone will have something negative to say. Thank you for this video.🤝🤝

[@garypuckettmuse]

My daughters' French teacher always graded her down for not speaking enough in class. She said she wrote beautifully and fluently and artistically in French but why wouldn't she speak in class? I felt like giving her the finger and asking "why is it so important to you that she conform to your lame standards? Clearly she is putting in the work, learning and fluent and able to write about philosophy in French . . .why isn't that enough for you and your narrow, lame "check-list" of expectations. I asked my daughter and she said she had a hard time processing the French fast enough to be fluent in speaking conversationally and the expectations on her were too high because of her good written French. I thought "good answer." Next problem, please?

[@zeffiexx]

I'm 29 years old and I still suffer from SM. It plays a big part in my depression as well. I really wish that I was a normal person.

[@shxwtydntcry]

😔💕

[@calliehilbert]

Me too

[@dreamsomnia9813]

Same. Although I'm a few years younger than you, I can relate.

[@kimerwinbc]

me too. I'm 26, male

[@brittanyritenour4695]

Yes same

[@magiccitymama1620]

I wish more teachers knew about SM. It's ridiculous how many have never even heard of it.

[@austinhernandez2716]

I was bullied by some teachers

[@bro0ke_lyn794]

You know what’s frustrating? People think selective mutism means you don’t speak to anyone but that isn’t true. Sometimes you talk to a very select group of people that you trust.

[@brittanyritenour4695]

I agree and they also think they don’t like to speak to strangers or don’t at all and that’s also not true. I’m shy but I love peolle and public but I still struggle to talk to strangers and have learned to mirror peolle to hide it

[@austinhernandez2716]

I feel no anxiety whatsoever with my family. They say I talk way too much and too loud. I only steifgle around others.

[@rjl5270]

I'm 31 years old, will be 32 this month and lack the community to grow as a person. I've tried numerous times to get help yet no one seems to understand what I go through. I've lost the ability to speak with my family and have a lot of work to do if I'm going to have a life. For those who struggle with selective mutism, it will be tough but never give up. There is a purpose for every living being away from disability, don't lose hope for it is prayer that heals.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Join THE SCHHOL OF LIFE, BEAUTIFUL COMMUNITY ON LINE.. All emotional intelligent ppl, the ones you have to seek for in real life too😏😉💕💕🤗🤗💕💕💗💗You are not alone, be serene!

[@aliurk3966]

Do you know where I can get help for this, mine is weird I can only talk to strangers?

[@KaevinConley]

​@Ali Urk Exactly,it's so much easier just being alone and only talking to strangers.I feel normal talking g with people who I think won't se me as weird.

[@amandapierce9906]

I love that you did this to inform others. My wake up call wasn't until 2nd grade. Every teacher said " I wish I had 30 of her". In 2 nd grade while in a parent teacher conference the teacher said to me she has never heard her speak. I couldn't believe that all the teachers from pre-k until then didn't observe that. Just want to say thanks for being a SM advocate.

[@acfkelly6291]

My son's pediatrician told me "its not a problem, if his life isn't affected". Right after I told him, he hadn't spoken a word at school through preschool and kindergarten. We got a new one

[@Raq457]

Thank you for sharing I’m in tears right now, my daughter has selective mutism as well and this week she started high school. It’s hasn’t been easy she was diagnosed with SM at the age of 11 imagine all these past years have gone by not knowing and the doctor kept saying she’ll be fine she’s just shy. Now she’s in High School and mom is here sobbing 😭

[@FastGunner2040]

Idk where your daughter is mentally now? I'm in the boat where I can't communicate with my family, the includes extended....or those that know I don't talk. I can talk to strangers alone, but couldn't talk to classmates, although I could to some...a word or two. I did have some friends which my group now I can speak to at a normal volume, but I won't express myself openly with them. Over the last month, being 18 and out of highschool...1st year through of college. I wish I could go back to 9th grade and instead of going into highschool with people I knew, I transferred to one where I knew no one. I could've started new, and I always had that thought for HS but I never brought it up to my parents, and back-then I was admittedly not comitted to the want for change. Now I've got the mindset, but I can't commit to the 'new life' yet. I think it all just takes 1 day, but it's hard. It's been a month since I've been serious about changing. I want to change before I switch to 19.....my Mom saying we'll be laughing about this all in 5 years makes me annoyed because I want to be laughing about it in 3 1/2 months at most.

[@yan_yy3826]

I had selective mutism as a kid and sorta outgrew it in middle school, now I’m almost 18 and it’s more like moderate social anxiety.

[@madtingz2288]

I wish that were me! I’m 22 and still suffer from selective mutism really bad

[@brittanyritenour4695]

@@madtingz2288yes true selective mutism doesn’t go away but you can learn to overcome it in certian ways

[@madtingz2288]

I wish my my parents were as understanding as this, they used to get mad at me because I couldn’t talk in some situations which in turn made me worse. I’m 22 now and I still suffer from selective mutism really bad, and I think it’s because I didn’t get the right help as a child.

[@ahahahahahbubabuba8740]

Same...but i'm 17 and i really struggle with my university life

[@amandas687]

Teachers and Counselors at schools need to be educated on this condition. My daughter has suffered with this her whole life. Has been accused of being rude and I knew she was so precious and did not have a rude bone in her body but I didn’t know what to do either. She was forced to give speeches in front of her middle school peers and hyperventilated and had panic attacks very publicly. She still gets nervous just riding by the school that I withdrew her from when she finally TEXT me and told me what was going on at school. I never got a phone call from any teacher or the school counselor whose office she had been sent to several times during a panic attack. It breaks my heart. Something needs to be done about this

[@niamhmol]

I am saddened that this teacher said that your daughter had ODD and threatened to make her leave the school. That is the concern I have with the lack of understanding and awareness of SM amongst those educators who have such a crucial role in supporting people with SM. Great talk well done 👍

[@eddahwambui1306]

I suspect my toddler has this condition

[@koosmangat]

When we are anxious, our muscles contract and for sm people its an anxiety to speak, and they feel vulnerable. So the throat clamps up and they shut down. On the other end, public speaking and singing are courageous acts as it puts us in a really vulnerable position. Learn to relax and don’t care what people think of u, remove the anxiety and the relax mental state will allow your mouth to speak. I think at the root of this is being self conscious, and caring too much about what is right or wrong. Make mistakes.. do things that u wish u can do.. and at the end of the day, it’s your life. Live to the fullest, your voice is way more amazing than you can imagine.

[@adesanyaferanmi3331]

Thank you

[@KikiGreecesArt]

I used to have SM but when you have it, you know that your friends are REAL and they LIKE you to be who you are. I never speaked to my old friends as I changed school but they never left me when I was there. In kindergarten I had none friends. None at all. Zero. But a year later I met the best friends I ever had :)

[@FastGunner2040]

Yeah I know my friends are good because they'll reach out to me. That's the sole aspect I love about SM, you tend to find the good people easier.

[@austinhernandez2716]

Well you're super lucky. Up until college I had ZERO friends. And the only reason I was able to make some in college is I had my brother with me and I'm comfortable around my family.

[@eleni6513]

I used to have SM fo4 the first 7 years of my life. I was simultaneously forced to speak by everyone and I'd be bullied because I couldn't talk. Thankfully, at the age of 4 I got into professional treatment and now I am fully recovered. Though, pieces of my social life are still affected and traumatised because of SM since I couldn't socialise for so many years. No, I wasn't shy. Or rude. And no, I absolutely didn't choose not to talk. I was sick and fortunately I got the help I needed. Let's break the stigma of mental health. SELECTIVE MUTISM IS NOT A CHOICE.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

So which treatment worked? Logotherapy? Theater? Art?... Yes let's tackle Stigma on mental health, but please guys share about also what worked! The world has to know about, not just the professionals that care if the conditions cause outside isn't made by professionals so sharing about is making aware the environment about this situation and sharing wt worked would make easier to the external world to know how to deal with it. Stigma on mental health is based on the fear of not understanding and not being able to deal with a mental health condition.. Which can be true for some.. Maybe a 7%of the whole, but let's make that the world will become able to deal with that other 93%cause you know guys? Everyone of us has even more than one only condition overlapped.. So.. Let's network share and educate about😉😉😉🤗🤗🤗💕💗💗💕💗💕💗💕

[@Emeskay05]

Same, I speak to every new person I meet but I still don’t talk with my relatives who I didn’t speak to in my „silence time“

[@beanhead7632]

Only at the age of 4 you were treated!? I wasn’t diagnosed until 11. Turning 13 soon And it was a pain, going 11 years without knowing about SM. Thought I was just a coward and all that... and that it was actually normal, where everyone felt the same but just “beared with it and forced themselves to be extroverted/etc”, so I tried to too, failed miserably,-,

[@eleni6513]

@@Emeskay05 this happened to me as well. although by the age of 7 or so I could talk to new people there were a handful of people I still couldn't talk to for many years later in my life because i couldn't talk to them during my years w/ SM. Now I am 16 and thankfully can talk to everyone even if socialising causes me a great deal of anxiety:) hope everyone is doing well ❤️

[@eleni6513]

@@stefaniamirri1112 i don't really remember what my treatment looked like since i was that young & today it's kind of a tabbo subject in my family since that period was a pretty traumatic one for the whole fam. But what i can certainly say is that creating a healthy and stable environment at home played a key role in my recovery. I'd really be interested in hearing other people's recovery journeys. i hope everyone is safe❤️

[@calliehilbert]

The weirdest thing that helped me with my SM was doing theater. I loved it and it really helped me in school

[@olive2464]

Since everyone else is opening up, I have had selective mutism since I was in middle school. I remember my English teacher lowering my grade because I wasn't speaking up in class. But the truth is, of course, I would like to connect with people and join discussions but there's always a part of me stopping me from doing it, which I'm unable to control. And I'm so tired of people, including my family, telling me to literally "stop being shy". Well, people should know that selective mutism is NOT a choice; we don't choose to have it. And it's not something we can simply get rid of overnight.

[@morrisjordan9418]

Hi olive. Please check out Kurtz psychology. They really helped my daughter. Exposure life style was a big help. We also did hypnotherapy. I truly believe This is a phobia of speaking that can slowly be overcome with exposure. We saw it with my daughter.

[@jameseller5512]

every parent teacher conference my parents are told that I am extremely shy, and they always have to explain that I have SM, literally every class, every year

[@meloyelokarma7932]

You may be as a lot of times the shyness creates the fear of speaking.It's performance anxiety.The act of speaking scares me,you and whoever else has it.

[@karenryan6654]

It's an intense fear that many can't understand.

[@SirusStarTV]

@@karenryan6654 if only they would transfer to our bodies for few minutes they would understand

[@somber087]

Why don't your parents inform them before the classes start

[@outloudtheselectivemutismp9654]

I love that there's a Ted Talk about this! I had no idea. I have a podcast about SM. Thanks for spreading awareness!

[@Bummer1980]

My son is 15 and I’ve maybe heard him say 5,000 words to me in his life. He wont talk to adults. He only ever talks to kids. I tried to get him to tell me what he wanted for his birthday this year. He wouldn’t tell us anything. Even in pleasant conversations he just stands there and cries. It’s so frustrating! He doesn’t talk to teachers either. I know he can carry on conversations, I hear him on the Xbox upstairs. I know he can speak loudly, he just never has ever had a normal conversation with his dad or I. He talks to his 11 year old brother. They talk all the time, but if some one is in the room my older son will either stop talking or whisper so no one can hear him. So we always have to ask our younger son what’s going on with his brother. I’d never heard of selective mutism until now. It just fits so perfectly!

[@jessiemarie636]

Tricia Smith that must be hard that he doesn’t talk to you

[@marsthatdamnrebel]

You might like to look up a local speech/language pathologist to get their opinion on if this is SM or something else, such as general anxiety disorder. Best wishes.

[@roxie3876]

Wow this is a great video. Although, I don't suffer from it now. I was painfully shy and a SM as a kid. Although, I was very lucky because I had a big brother close in age that would be my voice around strangers. I hated it. I still experience this when I am around authority figures that are strangers. I recall painful memories from adults. I spent the summers with my Dad and his wife would say to me that I could not eat dinner unless I asked to eat. "A closed mouth don't get fed, they would say." I still hate to hear that quote. I went many nights to bed crying and starving because I couldn't talk, I couldn't ask for food even though I was hungry. My dad knew this and he would allow her to treat me like that. My brother would sneak food into my room at night so I could eat. OMG, I am crying as I type this. Maybe I need therapy. I just want to understand why was I so afraid to speak?

[@bmona7550]

Sounds like you got your muteness by your family..same *sigh* Inconsiderate people's actions often affect their children this way. What your father did was probably even gaslighting. He probably wanted you to "get over it" in an unnaturally unhealthy and forceful way genuininely (stupidly actually) thinking that would work..

[@murphysm6404]

Ohhh babyy .. ur not aloneeee.. i feel it too

[@vanillabean7832]

That does NOT sound ok! A person with SM shouldn’t be pressured immensely like that to talk. They should be made to feel comfortable to do so and gradually begin to open up WILLINGLY. It’s been two years so I hope things are at least a little better for you now!

[@btsjiminface]

@@emmag1477 the wife may not be the person's mom

[@mycookie54321]

anyone who has selective mutism wanna be friends? I would like to be friends with someone who has the same disorder like me :)

[@alysongamble9642]

I'll be your friend! :)

[@emilyaitch8143]

mycookie54321 me!

[@iammaria6476]

I had selective mutism as a child

[@bmona7550]

Me!

[@arifulkabirahmed5748]

I've sm. I would like to be

[@nepeta1948]

I was recently diagnosed with selective mutism and it amazes me that ive never even heard of it before then. This needs to be talked about, it's not something I can control and yet I'm lectured about it constantly. The amount of angry comments I get because I physically cannot bring myself to speak disturbs me. A few months ago I didn't think I was going to make it because teachers just constantly bashed me on it. "why are you so quiet?" "it's not that hard to answer a question/raise your hand" I really hope more people learn about it. If you also have Selective Mutism, you're doing great, you got this. 💞

[@FastGunner2040]

Yeah the one thing I've liked about SM (which is the only thing) is that it exposed the a-holes.

[@MartinFloresmusic]

Im a parent of a SM child , this is the best Ive seen to provide info and educate. Thank you for taking the time ..

[@ThePinkfluf]

My mum was told if I didn’t speak they couldn’t teach me at school! It was back in the 70’s. It’s so good there is this awareness now !

[@winthropstatue]

i remember the first moment i seriously couldn't form words. they just wouldn't escape my mouth. for years now there are people that i become mute around, including family members. and i thought i was the only person experiencing this because what kind of person is too shy to speak in front of her family?? and i thought there was like, something wrong with me, because i know what my extended family says about me behind my back - that my shyness is too extreme or that im selfish and like, have no voice or anything. all ive ever wanted was to be normal and speak confidently like my other friends. theres also a few occasions where im forced to speak to people im mute to because my parents force me to say 'thank you' or 'happy birthday' or really anything else to them and it literally makes me wither. i just thought that i wasn't, ya know, normal. that i was like the shyest person in the world and that my communication habits aren't justified but then i stumbled across this video and it feels like a hand is reaching out to me telling me that im not alone! and the comment section feels like a hug because turns out there are other people in the world going through the same things as i am and ive never felt more... seen? more heard? if ur reading this thank you but pls just ignore it haha its like two am and im ranting impulsively on a youtube comment section :)

[@karlakhoury8111]

Thank you so much for making this video. As a mom of a three year old selectively mute boy, this is so empowering!

[@davidarndt4699]

This was a real problem for me in school. I was very uncomfortable even being in school at all. I hated school! My 4th grade teacher was a piece of s**t! I hated him! I was so uncomfortable around him that I had trouble taking to him. I couldn’t ask questions if I needed to. Even now, I’m 49 years old. If I’m around people I don’t know, someone I’m uncomfortable around or in places that I’m very uncomfortable, such as school. In those situations, I have trouble speaking. I saw someone I know, but not very well and I tried to say “HI”. That’s all I wanted to say. But, no matter how hard I tried to speak loudly enough for someone to hear me, all that came out was a whisper! The other person didn’t even hear me! This was last week. Sometimes, I can’t even manage a whisper! I open my mouth and the words won’t come out at all! Keep in mind: “Adults can have this to. It won’t go away, just because you get older!”

[@AssassinKillua15]

I'm an adult with selective mutism.

[@isaacmontechristo252]

Jigsaw Secretariat hi, I have a few auestions concerning S.M., I'd thank you very much if you could answer them. So I work as a waiter in a restaurant, and today I met (for the first time) a worker in the kitchens who does not speek. after asking him his name and seeing he didn't answer but smiled shyly, I was a bit confused but supposed he was mute so I tried being cheerfull and not ask him direct questions. later on I asked my boss if the guy is OK and he told me he comes from a broken home and apparently underwent some kind of trauma. He is about 20 years old. 1. Can what I described be defined as selective mutism? 2. Can selective mutism be self cured by logically understanding it's nothing but an axiety? 3. Are selective mutes also afraid of writing down their words instead of speaking for another person to read (in front of them)?

[@AssassinKillua15]

יצחק כהן it could be. selective mutism isn't usually caused by trauma, but it cam be. Selective mutism is a severe case of anxiety. It can be fixed because most children overcome it before they get into their teen years, but some don't. Having someone else read what you've wrote isn't seen as a problem by people with selective mutism, it's usually always you having to talk in person that's q problem.

[@isaacmontechristo252]

Jigsaw Secretariat Thanks for the fast reply, it was quite helpful. And I hope I've learned enough to communicate in the right way with him. In any case; thank you.

[@AssassinKillua15]

יצחק כהן you're welcome!

[@AssassinKillua15]

E Erin No.. and oh. when did you find out you had SM?

[@mooglewhale]

did anyone else that had this as a child go on to suffer from severe facial blushing when asked a question? because as you get older it seems that we have to speak and that when it got even harder. i avoid so many situations to this day because of this. i had selective mutism as soon as i started school and possibly before that, although when i was younger i only saw my parents and brother so it wasn't as obvious until 5 years old at first school

[@_melodyx]

most of my childhood, i was selectively mute. im not selectively mute anymore, but i think i have social anxiety. selective mutism has impacted me so deeply. wish more people in my earlier life had been more understanding.

[@tygerclaw]

7:25 that hit me hard that i started bursting into tears bcuz I did eventually outgrew from SM, I switched schools for 6th gr and decided to talk in school in 6th. i forced myself to and it was so so very hard. Everytime I go to school my heart would palpitate very fast and hard. I’d be sweating too. Yes, I do talk in school now but I still dont talk to all my dad’s acquaintances, or relatives. So family gatherings... I try to avoid them. Im 16 now and I still cant talk to them. So I guess I still have it? I never got treated but at least I talk at school. 7th grade I dropped out of school bcuz I got so overwhelmed by school and got depressed and never left my room, literally locked myself in for a year. I do talk at school but I have social anxiety and I isolate myself alot as I just realized in this video. I’ve always had bad grades since Kindergarten and I feel like my motivation had gotten worse. My parents know about my mutism but they’ve never talked to me about it or fully helped me. I feel like elememtary school were the easiest years bcuz I was carefree at school and didnt care what people thought of me. But it was still academically hard for me. As I grew older I started to realize more things which made me more self aware of myself and my surroundings by alot, which isnt good. I want to get better so badly.

[@dogwearingawig]

A similar thing happened to me, I was too overwhelmed to start middle school knowing that I would be forced to speak. So I begged my mom to put me in online school since I felt that was the only option for me. My mom knew about my Selective mutism but she still thought I would eventually grow out of it and never got me the help I needed. In the beginning online school, it was working, I was happy going to school online and enjoyed it much more. But after a while I got really lonely and isolated. After like 3 years of online school, i wanted to give public school another chance so I'm about to start high school next school year. And I'm nervous as heck 😅

[@ericgutierrez1895]

@@dogwearingawig I also opted out of school to take an online version for a semester. I'm much happier now however I still have this issue. I'm going back to public school later this year and I'm scared that I'll be the exact same as when I left if not worse. Do you take medication for your problem? If so, what's the brand. I've had bad experiences with SSRIs and I rather not continue them. I had no idea so many people had this problem as I do.

[@dogwearingawig]

@@ericgutierrez1895 I'm sorry to hear that, I don't take any medication, although I probably should. I hope everything goes well for you in school :)

[@ericgutierrez1895]

@@dogwearingawig Thank you for the kind words. Selective mutism is so isolating and makes you feel very small and insignificant. Going so long from public school as you did and now going back must be very difficult. Hopefully you just needed some time away to reset and get back into the groove of things. That's what I'm hopeful for my current situation as well. "The more you do the uncomfortable, the more you will become comfortable" Best wishes.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Refer to emotionally intelligent ppl as your friends, they would to understand and will kick start helping as much as they can. Teach yourself PROGRESSIVELY.. this is the key... To talk, in easy situation: Going buying some food, Than going asking for street directions. Than always more.. At the same fit into small groups, first 3 than 5/7/9/12/15/20 and match situation in which you could do that easily.. Start with the emotional intelligent. Join THE SCHOOL OF LIFE on line community, it's heart warming, and from there check if there is a SCHHOL of Life based also in your city cause they are spread around the w r lf and you could even start one if there is none in your area.. Help is waiting for you, be serene!! Lots of hugs!!

[@sociallyanxious6485]

More awareness needs to be raised about this debilitating condition, especially selective mutism within adults. I had this in childhood and still haven't over come it fully. I'm starting to worry about my future because how can I get a job and support myself when I literally cannot talk to people!?

[@xli1000]

Though her daughter may not be, many people with selective mutism are in fact shy. As someone who has had SM, I worry her refrain of "my daughter is not shy" sends the wrong message, as it seems to implicitly put down shy people by contrasting them against the positive qualities she identifies in her daughter. Shyness is a normal trait, and people with shy personalities may be more thoughtful and sensitive. It's definitely a good thing to raise awareness of selective mutism though.

[@PhoenixInFirestadium]

This really might send the wrong message, so I get where you're coming from - though... tecnically I think the shyness is not coming with the Selective Mutism diagnosis itself but is caused by it's best friend Social Anxiety. So SM people might be shy when they also have social anxieties but I guess if that's not the case a SM person is not shy. I have both but I'm only really shy when I experience anxieties around people - when I feel good around my few friends or even people I like and knew a bit of a time I can be sassy as well and not shy at all.

[@boomer200688]

You misunderstood what she was trying to say. I have selective mutism, and it is NOT the same thing as shyness. She is not saying shyness is a bad thing; she is merely saying that it is not the same as selective mutism, which is debilitating social anxiety. Children with SM have difficulty speaking in SELECT social situations.

[@tashik8151]

My brother has this and he is NOT SHY either. He's comfortable in front of people but when its time to talk he just chokes. The woman is right in saying that selective mutism isn't shyness.

[@thedoctor7247]

Personally, I would say that her making that point is excellent. I have a huge interest in selective mutism and one of the things that I notice quite often when looking up information about it is the assumption that kids with selective mutism are just shy and that it will disappear on its own. It's one of those things people say that goes into the same category as people saying that we are choosing to not speak as it prevents any action from being taken. She wasn't presenting shyness as a bad thing. She was separating it from Selective Mutism. I

[@loverainthunder]

I feel she's indicating shyness is not cool. SM is not shyness though.

[@_vicoliciousgambino8882]

This woman is an amazing speaker !👏🏻

[@Starry_Night_Sky7455]

I'm watching this purely for my curiosity's sake. If this girl was in a different culture, where quietness is valued, she might not raise any concern at all.

[@bmona7550]

It's still problematic since like what the comment stated above mine, it would make it harder to not be mute since the society will reinforce the "good mannered but actually SM" behavior

[@jessiemarie636]

I feel like in the U.S. there are situations that value quietness. I grew up with SM. In both elementary and middle school I was perceived as a good kid because I didn’t cause any trouble in class. My quietness wasn’t seen as a problem

[@PhoenixInFirestadium]

Nobody in my life did ANYTHING about it, at least not anything helpful, I was in speech group therapy as a kid but that didn't help because, well, I didn't speak, especially not with other kids around - so they gave up. Most of my teachers just accepted it because they had enough to do with the loud children, one terrorised me so much I puked every day I knew I have class with him (it was music... that's saying something) - it went on until my mom couldn't bare it any longer and went to school and fought with that teacher which wasn't liked by any student. The headmaster came alarmed by the shouting and might have put the teacher a little into his palce. He let go but not completely, he said if I don't want bad grades I had to whisper the right answers in his ear, this threw more attention to me because everone was looking at me when I had to get to the teachers table and behave awkward, I did it because of the threat to get bad grades. And though I really really feel loved by my family that fight was pretty much it to help me (I guess my parents just were helpless themselves so I'm not mad at them) - also nobody else helped me and it got to be harder and harder the older I got. Finally when I was about 15 years old I asked myself how I would ever get a job or live a normal life when I keep saying nothing. I was so totally annoyed by my behavior that I started to make some sort of self therapy, little tasks like asking in a shop where a certain thing was even though I knew it - because when you don't speak you know everything else just to avoid that you have to ask people. It didn't always work but giving it some time I could talk to more and more people. I'm still the most silent when a group comes together and I still hate it when I have to make phone call or get called. I can't answer immediately, not out of rudeness... I need to prepare what could be the matter why I got called so I have I base line to hold on to. Though nobody helping me from the outside put me through a lot of social anxiety and depression, most likely because it hurt so much to feel lonely and left alone in my helplessness, I'm still dealing with this and I guess all three might never be over completeley but I came out a warrior getting what I want to have - material speaking, like going shopping etc - healthy relationships (I just got a few) and job interviews (horror) not so much. It's been just four years ago I fell in a deep depressive hole again. Some particular persons put me into this and I couldn't help but ask myself what's wrong with me. It was more of a desperate question at the beginning but started to get a interested one when I dug out of the hole. I googled my symtoms and finally found something I could identify with - an article on Wikipedia about Selective Mutism. I never got an official diagnose but this is so totally me. Finally I started psychotherapy just this year and I'm 34 now, you can't even imagine how hard my life was at some times. I'm not seeking for any attention, I never wanted it bud drew it to me with my special behavior, I'm more like please don't look at me then you can't see me type of person, less now but still. All this I wrote down to convince maybe other teachers or parents to do something about it, please, life for some kids might be easier than mine was/is. The earlier they learn to talk the more natural it makes it into their lives.

[@corinamendoza9403]

BurningFirebird what do you suggest that they would have done?? I really would like to know because we have 2 kids with SM. Yes, it’s frustrating because we don’t understand how to help. As a person who suffered with this what do you suggest we should do?!

[@AntonioCarlos-mq2hk]

Burning firebird, I hope you are still out there to give us some few advice. I am also a parent with a 15 yrs old SM. Life is really stressful for us, now that she is a 11th grade dropped out. We take her to a psychotherapist twice a week (just started the therapy last Nov 2018) and in between those days you will never see her outside her room. She gets so moody at times. parents and child relationship are also getting tougher. Most of the time now when I ask a simple question like "how are you?" , no single word will be heard. Please come back and share your experiences and thoughts to us. Thank you and all the best to you.

[@tashik8151]

My brother is 15 and has sm. At least people from america and Europe have technical help. We don't even have that. I'm from Pakistan. I.want to help my brother too but I don't know how? Any suggestions would be welcome

[@AntonioCarlos-mq2hk]

@@tashik8151 my daughter just turned 16 years old this Dec 2018. It was a stunning surprised to start 2019 when we asked her the second time to take prozac 20mg and she finally said "fine". As a parent, i lose hope when at first she rejected taking med. You really should not force anybody into anything that's against their will. But now, we are somewhat kind of feeling relieve to see her gradually going back to normal moods since she quit going to school 4 months ago. A person with SM under medication should also see a psychotherapist regularly. We hope this coming February which is 2nd semester in high school, she is brave enough to face the tough world once again. Please keep me up-to-date and do something to your brother now. Don't wait.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Well done to write this all down, ty for sharing your experience this is so helpful to understand... Bless you lion warrior!!! You are good in writing, what about writing a book on this topic? You can self publish and sell via Amazon.. Set up the price not too high so to give everyone the chance to receive your message.. I am sure you could do it.. As revenge on wt has been your past.. Let's give it an aim, to move forward! 😉😊👍🤗💕💕💗🤗I am proud of you! Thank you to be YOU!

[@scribesforsubscribers8027]

Inhales and Exhales with cringe...I sympathizes wholeheartedly. (The fear of saying the wrong thing is very real.) This topic makes me want to cry.

[@sadboy-bz5td]

I have a friend who has sm. I want to learn more about it so I can understand him better and want him to be comfortable communicating with me :)

[@uglymelon6721]

- no they don’t boys can have it too

[@beanhead7632]

Aw that’s nice! I remember telling a few of my friends about my case of SM. Only listened and said “alright” but didn’t do anything else

[@csimply]

i wish my friends were like you

[@sadboy-bz5td]

@@csimply aww that means a lot to me :) I hope you have a good day

[@csimply]

@@sadboy-bz5td aww thanks, i hope you have a good day too!

[@videoraver]

What year was SM discovered? I never had any treatment for this for over 30 years, so it has affected me from childhood and into adulthood, schools could not help at that time.

[@jessiemarie636]

videoraver I can relate to this

[@iluvcamping]

Not sure when it was discovered, but even now it's difficult for people to notice children with SM because they usually end up getting labeled as "shy". All of my teachers told my parents that I was a great student but very quiet and shy. They believed it, and to a certain extent I believed it as well. I think talks like this can spread more awareness to people, and help educators and parents consider that maybe their child is not simply shy.

[@josephsalvador4976]

Identified in 1877, named as Aphasia Voluntaria; renamed as Elective Mutism in 1934; renamed as Selective Mutisum in 1994

[@bitchracula3395]

if not treated in adolescence it will continue into adulthood

[@kathyadair8552]

@@josephsalvador4976 Thank you! 👍

[@ludovicfrancois1710]

i have 41 years old and i know i have SM since one month ago !! I really suffered during my teenage years !! since I know I have this, I better understand my past reactions, some people's thoughts, I'm a little confused but I'm learning about myself.

[@nikoagnes6675]

Ludovic François I love this comment! Good luck on your journey!

[@theonionqueen3519]

I’m not shy remotely. I enjoy adventure. I am not an introvert. I still have selective mutism.

[@ibrudejude]

This is new to me. I never knew there was such a thing until I was informed that my sister in law's granddaughter was diagnosed with this. This is something I can relate to. I battled mental illness daily I have bipolar anxiety and I shut down.

[@Cookie-lz6pt]

Me tooo even I didn't know there was something like this until recently. I have a feeling I have this and I'm not really sure what to do about it. It sucks

[@susanolesky]

Excellent! Thanks for educating me about Selective Mutism.

[@Ruben-pr3jx]

Thank you for this video! And bless your awesome daughter.

[@andtipidee]

To picture SM for me, it as if my throat chokes up, my brain turns to mush while trying to generate sentences, and my voice seems too quiet in my head. As a child up until high school, I’ve suffered that my voice has become undeveloped; I’m still afraid my voice will crack or appear too low that I stop speaking. But I’m so glad I found out recently that this is selective mutism and I am not alone. I was so afraid my story was unique, but many people of all ages suffer from it.

[@xerilaun]

Same here, even now when I say something a lot of the times people will ask me to "speak up" and in my head I think I'm being loud enough (or even too loud) but I guess that's not the case lol

[@View-sc8wf]

I think I may have an autism spectrum disorder and one of the symptoms is selective mutism. This has helped me a lot

[@cuekinaja]

I live in Indonesia. My daughter is 12, developed selective mutism last year after we put her at a school for 2 years. She was homeschooled before and she was very social. Now she speaks only one word at a time, and with great difficulty. We went to two psychologists and they said they couldn't treat my daughter.

[@ieshaNysheem]

im over 30 & still struggling with SM

[@jxton_]

i have selective mutism and the only person who understands and supports me for as long as i need to not talk is my sister. the only thing i want is to talk to my family. i speak to my teachers and friends but not my classmates or direct family. god, i haven't talked in at least six months, every time i try to talk i just choke and i can't. everyone thinks it's out of spite but the truth is i don't know. before this span of six months, i would often have a few weeks where i wouldn't talk but it never lasted that long. i have no idea why i can't talk, all i know is the main thing stopping me from talking is my anxiety. i want to talk more than anything, i don't know what to do. if anyone has advice i would gladly take it. i don't know what to do.

[@RKrk-jj2li]

listen, I suffered as a child into high school with it... it's terrible and scary and perplexing cos it would be literally out of my control far as whom I wouldn't be able to speak and sometimes even move normally around without feeling all akward and terrible... I did get over it and I'm not even shy let alone mute anymore.. I enjoy being alone and reading or music but can handle any social situation... just know you can get past your issues and when you do it will be do worth it that you'll look back and feel like a different (better) person. truly. much luck

[@illiengalene2285]

SM also is a part of the Autism Spectrum. We love to communicate, but we get so stressed out by circumstances. I can't verbally communicate, but I can use ASL, write and phone typing. EVERY FORM OF COMMUNICATION IS VALID! I have AuDHD. And it's okay I prefer writing with people.

[@russellhopkins683]

I had this in school and it was frustrating i still have it in some situations like with some people i work with and i avoid social situations even though i crave to be a social animal it is constant battle and it ruined my school years and my 20s because letting conversation flow is essential in life.

[@vanillabean7832]

Russell Hopkins I also had this in school and got rid of it during middle school. But even though it’s gone I’m still very socially awkward a lot of times when I verbally communicate. I also try to avoid a lot of social situations because I just know how likely it is that I’ll screw up. And of course a lot of people don’t understand me and just label me as weird. I just started college now. It’s very frustrating that I’m 18 with such poor verbal communication skills.

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Sure we are social we do need communication... Uhmm have you tried to fit in small groups first? Groups of 3, than 5, than 7 than 10.. Progressively teach to yourself.. Things can't be changed by a wonders tick, but slowly, gently at your peace and need you can try.. Serenely.. Cause you guys have a lot to give to the society and help those not in the same conditions to understand. I found out to have several, now I am advocating talking about mines and trying to find ways to ease my life that could help all those in my same... But uhmm knowing also about other situation maybe I could find ways to help also there, at least collaborating with whom of you could be willing to do so.. Think about.. Network with those in your same situation and the emotionally intelligent that aren't in the same:an emotionally intelligent will ALWAYS try to help you guys! Huge hug to everyone of you!!

[@djdew3000]

I wasn't gonna post this comment at all because I'm not sure if I have Sm. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been to the doctor in a very long time do to me being afraid to communicate on the phone or in person for that matter with pretty much anyone other then my close family and sometimes It's hard for me to talk to them. I just turned 33 earlier this year and I've been struggling with these same issues of not being able to communicate with people. it's ruined friendships and relationships for me I now have a one year old daughter and a six yr old stepdaughter. But due to my issues my relationship with there mom has been torn apart. So I no longer have a family of my own. I struggle everyday to keep living and keep fighting and I know the kids need me so I keep going for them. I've been like this since I was a kids I've always felt like something was wrong with me like I never belonged. So I would just isolating myself from everyone. I had gotten a little better in my 20's with trying to open up more and at least try to put myself out there no matter how painful it may have been I would at least try. But now that I'm in the 30s I feel like I'm right back to isolating myself and not speaking much to anyone it's like i want to be able to connect and communicate with people but i know how difficult it is for me so I just stay quiet and listen to others enjoy there conversations while secretly a little jealous of how easy they make it look. I hate that I'm this way but it does help to know that I'm not alone. I pray for everyone out there that's struggling with this. I pray that I muster up the courage to get the help I need for my daughters

[@nicoletastadniciuc8738]

You made me cry🥺🥺😳😳

[@Beafree]

Im a 48 yo Latina. Back when I was a child I was the same way. When the teacher talked to my mom, my mom told her she couldn't shut me up at home. So the teacher decided to put me in an ESL class. My mom was furious so the teacher changed that plan but I didn't make good grades.

[@Bri-st2fg]

Thank you for this!

[@vichu5158]

it’s my first time commenting on any youtube videos, tonight is the night that i realize diagnose to SM. I wonder why is it so hard tor me to talk to stranger especially peers or authority figures. I used to be this talkative girl in high school with a lot of friends since i moved to another country when i was 13, i met these girls who were used to be friends with me but then there are never a reason why they start to not hang out with me even i cried and ask for. I m ashamed that i used to be this girl who has a lot of friends at school but i was being “bullied” in another school. It the first time that i ever open up and gradually i m scared of talking to strangers especially peers especially peers who are popular, pretty or opinionated. Once i found out every assumption about sm, i literally check all the boxes, don’t know what to do for my next step but at least i found out i’m not actually crazy, i’m sick

[@vichu5158]

i always hesitate on if i talk too much and i start to think i’m weird and i’ll delete everytime i said or re-record what i need to say to my friend. but this comment has been by far the only “text” that i didn’t rethink or rethink on what i have to say, don’t know if it make sense, SM being SM rn hahaa anyways🤍 i love everyone here, i want to give y’all a hug

[@elinsvedbom7783]

Hi, i was born with selective mutism, autism spectrum and anxiety syndrome. I'm 17 years old and i got my diagnosis when i was 8. I started talking 6 months ago because i started with an adhd medicine"Koncerta", it makes my anxiety worse, my stress and yeah almost everything, but that lock i got and when i just shut down and felt like nothing worked and i didn't understand a thing even though they tried to explain it a houndred of times"in school", it disappeared, i still shut down sometimes or yeah quite often but i can speak most of the time and tell when that happens, not like how i speak at home, because at home i'm crazy, but if you look now and how it was before i improved alot, before mom talked for me, before we went to meeting or just store, resturants, i told her beforehand what i wanted. When i first started with Koncerta i almost got depressed because of to much happiness, feeling that i could speak, then when i got used to it i stopped speaking and my doctor had to double it and now it works from day to day, sometimes i can't talk and sometimes i can, it depends on the place and person/persons i am with. I would like to have a friend with the same diagnosis as i have since i never had or met anyone with the same diagnosis, anyone wanna be my friend?

[@nat-eb1pl]

would u like to be friends

[@a.brownlee2775]

Amazing. Thanks for this. Very informative

[@gigischuster3078]

My early childhood caused my selective mutisum if those close to me or those I trusted trigger my past trauma, especially with verbal abuse I go mute its not out of defiance, but out of anxiety and fear. My CPTSD makes me either jibber out of anxiety in uncomfortable settings, but when I'm insulted I shut-down and loose my voice and I want to speak, but it's like if you talk you will be hurt in someway so head down and being quiet will protect me. So I have been mislabled with Bipolar when what I have is CPTSD and Selective-Trauma Mutism and neither, neither are my fault, even at 37 its an up hill ongoing battle. Family and Friends get angery, frustrated and tired of it, they won't accept it, then criticize me as an embarrassment and incompetent because of my Selective Trauma Mutism and my CPTSD. As a result its difficult in a relationship, when trying to get a job. Sometimes I argue with my boyfriend and then am able to go back and talk to him about it, other times my CPTSD takes over and scares me silent and I subconsciously forget parts of the argument both a fourm of early childhood self protection on an subconscious level often not aware of. Its as frustrating to me as it is to those I'm close with. I even have a fear when I am unable to talk due to the Selective Mutism and or Erased Memory from the argument that awakend my CPTSD they will get tired of this and abandon me. It is something I never asked for and do my best to work at reducing my CPTSD and Selective Mutism caused by it.

[@nahnahnah8184]

Same. Almost the exact same as you. I'm 30 years old. I learned to accept that my abusers won't change and had to cut them out. I hope you find your peace and I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

[@Ana-ty8sl]

I was an SM child.... each speech therapists (school based) I had give up on me... (made me feel like a broken toy) My parents thought it was a phrase and thought the school was making to much of big of a deal.... My adult life is filled with fear... I took it upon my self to get treatment for generalize anxiety/depression/sexual trauma ... I fear everyone, I have tried to kill myself, but only ended up in the medical ICU. and I'm still alive... and wished more of my therapist know about SM...but I'm to shy to give it up in a session.... oooh the catch-22

[@carolodonovan4930]

Ana Lerdo - thank you Ana for sharing a little of your story. As a graduate speech language therapist, I have found your insight very helpful 😊. Best of luck in your journey in continuing to overcome your daily challenges and living a happy and fulfilling life.

[@morrisjordan9418]

Kurtz psychology really helped my daughter. The exposure lifestyle was key. Also we did hypno therapy which was helpful. SM is treatable if you devote yourself and your family to it. It’s a phobia that can be overcome.

[@murphysm6404]

I have SM since maybe about 7yo. I couldn't speak to my father and my friend in elementary school. But now im okay with my friend like smiling etc. But when im with my father still use non verbal or maybe just said yes or no. And im 25 yo now.

[@laurashasta]

OMG SAME

[@Septic-Hearts]

I can't say I ever recall having selective mutism, and I don't have kids or know people with Selective Mutism (that I'm aware of) but I have to say, that pre-k teacher that was mentioned dismissing it as outright defiance is honestly infuriating. Regardless if it's by choice or not, engaging a kid shouldn't always be strictly verbal. I mean, I'm no psychologist but it can't be impossible for someone to communicate through varying avenues. Kicking someone out of school for that seems pretty extreme.

[@yan_yy3826]

Selective mutism is a real disorder, a severe form of social phobia, mostly affecting children, and relatively rare. I had when I was a kid but sorta grew out of it in my teens.

[@vin4765]

My life.

[@vin4765]

Minus the swimming and I only have one sibling

[@nat-eb1pl]

same

[@jimtors]

Lol. Same

[@lilstubbs9553]

I'm 17 almost 18 and in a Discord/group call with all of my friends, it sucks seeing one of them say something and then wanting to reply with something but being unable to get the words out, sometimes I just start feeling very lonely for no reason and there's nothing I can do about it because I can't reach out to my friends. It's really depressing just scrolling through all of their conversations while realizing that I can't really join in the conversation most of the time. 🤐😞

[@AZ-zz7xo]

Hi! Can we discuss more about SM?

[@lilstubbs9553]

@@AZ-zz7xo You realize the irony in what your asking right? I don't know how much I have to say, I was diagnosed last year but have always shown signs of Social anxiety and "Disliking talking" for most of my life. I don't have a lot of friends but I do have a group of them I cherish. I can never hang in person with them though, especially one on one. Though I love my friends it can get really awkward just sitting there silently instead of engaging in conversation. It usually helps if we're playing a videogame that way we can just mostly talk about what's currently happening in the game we're playing and that helps provide something to talk about instead of just sitting there silently. (I'll probably edit this later ro talk more about my experiences.)

[@xtckels]

but thats the thing , you don't have to talk all the time. don't try to fill the silence bc it gets overwhelming . it doesn't have to be awkward 😌 but that's why i prefer texting over calling

[@marieannechen9966]

I have a nephew with this disorder. As a Critical Care Nurse, it baffled me as to what it was he had. I knew it wasn’t Autism, because he talked to his mother. He didn’t have a learning disability, he’s actually very bright. He had stayed with me for about three weeks. I noticed he urinated incessantly and also had issues with food. He wanted pizza every night. However, I knew it wasn’t anything that I ever heard of. Was it something more serious?? What was it??? Recently, I came across a documentary of children who have SM, selective mutism. I said to myself, YES!! THAT’S IT! I couldn’t dial the phone fast enough to tell my Sister and my Mother that I knew exactly what he had. It will be a challenge working with him as I’m sure it is with all children/,Adults with this anxiety disorder, but I can say that I’m relieved that we have now found the diagnosis. Xavier is now going on eight years old. I hope that we will be successful in helping him to verbalize through speech therapy and any other type of therapy he may need. Thank you for sharing this information. It took me so long to find the reason for him not being verbal. God Bless.,

[@FastGunner2040]

I can't communicate with family, but in school I didn't talk to my peers, besides a few one-off times and friends. School is a great area to grow, I think. In my current mindset as I'm 18 still with SM, I'm on the mental verge of leaving it, although not in practice. If I was in 9th grade currently, I would transfer schools then and try to start talking there, new people and no one knows me. Don't hold transferring schools off the table if that's what he wants. I plan to talk more going into my 2nd year of college, as strangers make me nervous but I can talk to them. My family is my main issue.

[@PotentialEn3rgy]

Thanks for sharing your story.

[@montserratlopez7625]

Hi I am 16 years old. I had selective mutism from 6 years to 11 years old. My classmates didn’t even know what my voice sound. I think my case in particular is one of the worst, I really suffer a lot on my one. My parents didn’t really noticed it, because I used to talk in my House. I am from Mexico so no one really care here. I wish It would had been different.

[@Iris-nz5ig]

I have selective mutisem have since I was 3 am now in my 2nd to last year of high school and it horrible as pll expect me to talk as am older

[@peaceofapuzzlebfg]

I really wish that people while working on on the anxiety disorder would give children and adults who have SM Augmentative and Alternative Communication . They would have much more than a notebook notebook. They would have a system that would allow them to speak nonverbally. It should not be speech or a communication device. It should be botth!

[@terrellprice8620]

I know what it’s like right now I’m feeling good but it’s hard it’s takes time to be comfortable with other and even then you feel alone.

[@yuioyup]

"are you this quiet at home?" 🥴

[@anayateh9996]

"why don't you talk?"

[@lauraj6290]

Or you finally gather enough courage to talk and someone goes “oh she speaks!” Or jokingly, “wow you don’t have to yell!!” .... soul crushing

[@johnpierce5163]

So glad I found this video.. We are facing serious issues legal issues due to my sons non compliance and refuses school.. School ordered him to copestone mental health.. Then came along DSS.. And now back in the same situation.. Back to DSS and possibly worse..

[@thedoctor7247]

All the best. Keep us up to date

[@emeskay4527]

I had it since I‘m 3 until school which I began with 6, I decided to speak with every new person I get to know. And I did it. But I still don’t speak with people I know from my SM time for example my siblings and my whole family except my parents

[@roberthales7160]

This women does plenty for this CAUSE

[@gatogummie]

I was thinking I might have SM due to the fact that in certain situations I cannot talk no matter how hard I try and I show a lot of signs or SM

[@jelly784]

I’ve had it since I was 3 and it’s not getting any easier.

[@serenity9579]

i don`t know if I overheard it. but did she mention that the muteness is caused by anxiety?

[@shxwtydntcry]

thank you for spreading awareness on Selective Mutism . Everyone needs to have a voice ♡ I also make videos on mental health and Selective Mutism 💕

[@sabotocki]

How does this diagnosis overlap with introversion? Could sm be mistakenly diagnosed with introverts?

[@ericgutierrez1895]

I don't think so. Introversion I would say is on a wide spectrum and this very will could be on the very deep end of it; however, with being an introvert you still maintain the ability to communicate orally while having selective mutism inhibits it. For me and many others, the throat constricts so much so you can feel it. This constriction; whether it's physically or all mental, causes mispronouciation of words if you manage to get any out at all. Communication can just be completely non-existent or orchestrated through a very low, mumbly, raspy voice. Introversion is simply the like of being more lonesome than others and enjoying one's own presence more so than causing any physical limitations. Selective mutism isn't a choice but is forced upon you regardless of will. This is my experience.

[@sheenscorner1624]

This was me in my childhood and now my daughter too.

[@morrisjordan9418]

Hi olive. Please check out Kurtz psychology. They really helped my daughter. Exposure life style was a big help. We also did hypnotherapy. I truly believe This is a phobia of speaking that can slowly be overcome with exposure. We saw it with my daughter.

[@bjorn4215]

I’ve been watching a lot of videos on SM and noticed I do go mute sometimes. However, it’s not that often, it’s usually when I cry that I can’t get any words out. People would ask me stuff, and I’d just sit there unable to speak. Is that enough to consider being selectively mute, or to say I’m sometimes mute? I’m really unsure, and want to refrain from using terms like “non-verbal” or “SM” until I better grasp if that could count. If anyone has anything that could help, or is just for spreading info then please, do reply:)

[@garypuckettmuse]

Ever heard the expression "speechless". It means you are human and human speech is so inadequate for expressing our most profound feelings and thoughts. Being forced to speak when one doesn't feel like it is a form of bullying and mind control. Just because someone wants to know what you are thinking doesn't mean you have to tell them. Just because you are being forced to turn your much more subtle and deep feelings into "words" doesn't make them right and you wrong. The most profound things in life are beyond the reach of speech and speech only reduces them and devalues them. If you like to call yourself SM, go ahead. If you don't like it, don't bother because you don't owe anyone an excuse anyway. Be yourself. Process situations in a way that comes naturally to you. However you are there is nothing "wrong" with you. Modern "psychology" is tyrannical. People have felt just like you for millions 'of years and they didn't have to call it anything because the tyranny of conforming was not what it is today. You are beautiful. You are sensitive. You process information and your feelings the way you do. Middle finger to everyone else? TS Eliot, one of the great, brilliant artists and thinkers 'of the last century who was considered a great wordsmith wrote at the end of his life how words had failed him and betrayed him and had been so inadequate to express what he felt or meant to express even after he devoted his life and his life's work to them.

[@bjorn4215]

cck, that was really interesting to read. Thank you :)

[@garypuckettmuse]

@@bjorn4215 OH, look! Your words are right where you needed them! Cheers!

[@traceyramos2519]

I had that in high school I would not talk to any one

[@superfly4430]

I have it to it's related to schizoid personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder which both withdraw socially, it's very crippling

[@StrawmnMcPerson]

Does "untreated" selective mutism "*cause*" "social isolation, depression, and poor academic performance", or is neurotypical society's treatment of neurodivergence really the root cause of those experiences? It's the latter, for anyone wondering.

[@mousefriend8635]

THANK YOU! Finally, found a comment that addresses the ableism in society! How neruotypical people treated me is the reason why I only got worse with my SM.

[@kristinejensen5701]

Got SM at the age of 3, when my mom put me in day care. Still struggle with it at the age of 20 but its slowly getting better. My doctor told me therapy wouldnt work. I still dont know what the fudge im doing and cant seem to get a job...

[@stefaniamirri1112]

Progressively at your peace and way, gently push yourself into the situations. Start talking for get food, than strict directions and always something more. Know yourself and wt you think of the world so you will know always how to talk and wt to say to others.. You are a beauty, totally worthy. Don't give up!!

[@kristinejensen5701]

@@stefaniamirri1112 Thank you!! I am always trying to push myself out of the comfort zone without jumping into panickzone immidiately. We all have a small zone of learning between the two, and im trying to bend it as much as i can. I like to think of it like a rubber band; if you pull to hard at first it can ruin it, but if you work on it, it will get bigger. I agree with your advices and it definitely helps!! Thanks again!

[@imreplyingtothiscomment2378]

I have bad asbergers and it happens to me every once in awhile

[@youngmasterzhi]

I only learned about selective mutism from the early days of "Big Bang Theory"

[@PunkyPrincessPop]

This woman reminds me of Obama (in a good way) like she could be his little sister

[@Starry_Night_Sky7455]

PunkyPrincessPop similar speaking style, yes. Ha like did she copy his style on purpose?

[@SierraJude]

I though the same thing! Great speaker.

[@AliciaGuitar]

I went to a camp that teaches public speaking as a child, and it is clear she has formal training.

[@mariewheeler6455]

Oh I had SM since pre-k but I got over it is 3rd grade.. I'm now going into 7th..

[@RKrk-jj2li]

nice work

[@harryjoaowoodford7186]

It can go away without treatment (selective mutism), maybe not with everyone but treatment both practical routines and/or medicine isn’t the only solution. Mine disappeared at the age of 15 and I went through many school rejections and bullied even by teachers making jokes at my silence including phycologistS saying in front of me to my parents that their son needs to go to a special school because his brain is underdeveloped 😒

[@k-lab3824]

Oh she's not shy

[@CharlieCiuprinskas]

I have a stutter as well is that apart of it