Understanding the Need for Validation and Control with Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswjN2zcpIhN-HNNlLBlPlYoE&si=WqecsyRyerwnWfwb ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@mariem369kara6]

Validation is being your own best friend. You're not validating yourself if you were taught that you are only lovable if somebody else says you are 13:27

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@Itzel-camacho72]

Your videos never miss. ❤I get lost in my thoughts unfortunately, but your videos practically, instantly make me feel better. We are all valuable and lovable❤🥰

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to be of service and I appreciate you watching the video

[@davidtuttle5042]

Dr Snipes, you are helping me so much. I can only imagine how many other ppl you have kept alive and in the game. Please don’t stop. Is there anywhere that I can access your PowerPoints for note taking?

[@BecomeConsciousNow]

A good video. I'm pretty much on my own, so I don't have anyone to validate me. Both my parents have passed away, I don't really have any friends and I have a strained relationship with my brother. The only person I have to validate me is myself.

[@DocSnipes]

My condolences. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@manuellayburr382]

I was in this sort of situation for a long time. In my case, I was lucky enough to finally escape from it. It's a long story that I won't detail here, but the upshot is that, despite not being good at making friends for most of my life, I eventually (after retirement age!!!) found one incredibly supportive good friend who gave me the confidence to make even more friends. I don't have a partner and I don't have much in the way of relatives, but I do feel better now than perhaps ever before. I'm telling you this because there is always a way forward. Sometimes though you have to step outside of your comfort zone in a radical way and risk things not working out. When you have the solid backing of even one friend, this is so much easier because you have an ally no matter what. Good luck! You can do it! Incidentally, one thing I discovered is that good friends don't have to be from the same background as you, or have the same educational attainments, or the same amount of money. They just have to be generous spirited people who are capable of caring, and will loyally back you up when needed.

[@adimeter]

@@manuellayburr382 Your life offers me encouragement. Thanks for posting.

[@Anon-fz4cb]

Me too Ryan. I am going through divorce which is an extra form of stress. Validation is me...and right now-well there is very little there

[@deepdive5092]

That’s a sober and cogent realization, Ryan. it’s the reality for many of us… Way to go! 👍🙂

[@Chris-dw7gq]

As usual, you are important and lovable! You do an awesome job disseminating practical steps to improve ourselves and life. Thank you forever! ❤👋💫

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you for your kind words and thank you for watching. What is your favorite tip from the video?

[@judithwallace2091]

Your work is outstanding! Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

Many thanks!

[@billthelen6524]

Thank you Dr. Snipes for this awesome video on validation. Thank you for the reminder that we and our behavior for two totally different things. Thank you for the reminder that forgiveness is for us and that by holding on we are trying to control. Focusing on how we can improve the moment is rewarding.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome, Bill. Thank you for watching. How will you start addressing the need for validation?

[@billthelen6524]

@@DocSnipes I will begin to believe that myself and my behavior are separate. My behavior does not always need to be validated. I need to be validated as a human being. This validation needs to begin with me.

[@adimeter]

Dr. Snipes, I love your actionable steps toward self validation. Those steps seem much more real than parroting self validation statements. Thank you.

[@DocSnipes]

Much appreciated

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This video helps me sooo much as I get out of the denial about my parents not loving me. I thought or just hoped that they loved me and were on my side. But they did a lot worse than not loving me. Setting aside that they hated me because they were jealous or something, there is the shame of them not even accepting me. I am a loving person and they are both narcs and these are polar opposites. I never really got the real acceptance and appreciation for basically who I was in my heart. When people are jealous, they are not loving you. It is hate and rejection that they are sending out and they refuse to nurture in any way who you are and what makes you happy. They accidently did that when I was little, but when they saw me succeeding at it they had to take it away and blame me that I was lazy for not doing it any more. But I was most hung up on why my father did not validate be because he showed so much love at the very beginning when I was a cute and very loving little child. Then when I wanted to separate, he barred that in very covert ways.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I am grateful for you being here and watching the video

[@julietteferrars3097]

“It doesn’t mean it’s about you; it means their stuff is getting in the way.” Wow. I’m listening to this as I sort through my sister’s hoard room and the visual really helped me to grasp the “don’t take things personally” concept. Growing up my actions were construed by family to be intentionally targetting them. I still struggle with feeling responsible for assuring others that their emotions and perspective are valid AND correct to keep them happy.

[@DocSnipes]

I’m so glad that resonated with you! It can be incredibly freeing to realize that other people’s reactions are often more about their own struggles than anything you’ve done. It’s understandable that, growing up with those dynamics, you’d feel the pressure to validate others and take responsibility for their emotions. Learning to honor their feelings without taking it all on yourself can be such a hard but important shift. If you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. How have you been able to navigate finding that balance between acknowledging others’ emotions while also protecting your own boundaries?

[@dee0731]

Thanks!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video and am grateful for you being with me for so long and watching videos. What did you find most useful from this video?

[@webberley75]

I appreciate each video. I have a few mental illnesses due to trauma. I've been in survival mode for most of my life.

[@shelsea7245]

Great presentation! I took away a lot that will help me. Thank you, Dr Snipes!!

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?

[@a..r.9341]

Professional advices and explications ... Help and service yhat comes from the heart ...❤💜❤ of Doc Snipes and team.

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@manuellayburr382]

11:07 "So always take a step back and ask yourself ..." This, I have discovered after many years, is the true remedy for almost all of life's problems including one's own mental health. Sadly, the real meaning of it, and of most realisations about life, are difficult to explain so we usually have to discover these things for ourselves.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@sharinadavis8811]

I absolutely love your channel! You have helped me in so many ways and I am grateful. I needed to see this today thank you 🙏🏾

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I JUST WANTED MY FATHER TO SMILE AT ME IN COMPLETE APPRECIATION! There, I said it.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry he didn’t do that, Kitty. Thanks for watching

[@JN25376]

Excellent video. Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

You are welcome!

[@sssttt2211]

I had this unconscious need,I also developed habit to explain my self or over explain. But now I affirm many times that I don't need external validation. I validate myself. They can have different thoughts, feelings which may not match with mine. Other's may not love me or accept me and that's perfectly fine. Other's can reject me and that's double feast... I become free when others reject me... sometimes I don't mind getting rise out of others now... have developed little narcissism... other's may not like me developing little narcisissm but it's good, it protects you from other predators... coz you stopped giving f about what anyone else thinks, does, feels, believes, talks about you...

[@DocSnipes]

It’s awesome that you are validating yourself. Thank you for watching the video

[@MrJfortheElohim]

The people that seeking this validation are they people pleasers?

[@DocSnipes]

No. We all need validation

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

@@DocSnipes Wow! Thank you for that. It seems we need validation regularly, but ultimately it is not enjoyed and nourishing if we are not open to believing it is true about ourselves and truly who wec believe we can be and then think and act on it as if it were true as a challenge to convince ourselves completely. It is about building and intent builds each persons self with focus and love, just like a parent does it. It takes a lot of input from ourselves to follow self-esteem (as still vulnerable and influenceable) and boundary ourselves against what tries to invalidate that dream. That takes a lot of commitment to ourselves FIRST. People pleasers are committed to others first. The wonderful thing is lately I am seeing that I DO have needs, especially since I thought I was the independent one with a self-image of needless and want-less. But I was needless and want-less secretly because I was trying to "be good" for my father who hates people's needs that take precedence over his own for female attention and care. This talk and discussion makes me see that I need to get a restraining order as I have someone who is a stalker who tries to shift his responsibility to me for his needs and degrade me if I do not meet them. It will be an act of self-love to put up this boundary as something that I am finally worth of.)

[@bacot333]

OMG that was AMAZING!!!! This is my new fave YT account! Much love from New Zealand x

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much!!

[@martinjack5048]

MessyJessy Would you please tell what does she mean in 29:1 when she said "Their frustrations or their stuff then it was about you, what does this mean?

[@martinjack5048]

And also when she said " communicate it" who is "it" ? Help me to understand this point please🙏🏻

[@joshuaschenk6036]

Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

You're welcome!

[@PaigeSquared]

"Being loved and supported anyway"

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching :)

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I would like to talk about how I deserve to feel very, very special about my self. I am glad that I have words for it now, instead of buying a whole birthday cake and eating it all my self. Birthday was the only time I felt special in my life, and birthday was the only reason why I was hanging on to my narcissistic family. And it was not even really working toward the end because my narc sister "stole the entire show" of my birthday with my other sister competing with her and running a close second, with my mother looking on and happy that she was ruining my only special day in which I got no good validation for me and who I was at all. Now I know that I am someone and that I have value and I take responsibility for that! Now I know it was not my fault that I did not do something different along the way to make something different. I was too busy shutting out the incomprehensible abuse and the shame of how I was being treated. In taking responsibility and pride in my own power, I know it is now only me in that I can see it and pick something somehow much better for me, and my birthday, than something to cry about. It will take a lot of work of making A LOT better choices, choices my entire life depends on. I won't block out things anymore because I am sooo sure they are right about me in a negative way. I am smarter than them about what my life should be about and I am officially making the change to be in control. They really, really let me down and I see it now. It's my own denial that has made my life hell. But we all make mistakes, especially when no was there to help me when I needed it so, so badly and my life depended on it. But with this video, Doc Snipes, you are really, really here for me with the knowledge to finally see the truth and take my own power back and not give it away to others!!!

[@DocSnipes]

I am glad the video was helpful. Thanks for watching

[@meganjohnson9540]

Thank you so much!

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome

[@bobbidrobile9199]

Pretty much on my own too. Wouldn't that be most people that have left a narcissistic relationship.? They tend to isolate you and you end up in hermit mode?

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=cptsd

[@analdlopez4481]

Great information

[@DocSnipes]

Glad you think so!

[@gazalmable]

Very helpful resource

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@racheldelacruz3665]

Great video 📹

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks!

[@adimeter]

I have to keep listening. Right now it just feels like I am parroting the things you tell me to say. I sincerely hope this works as I am looking forward to thinking more highly of myself.

[@DocSnipes]

😀😀

[@kayjohnson3275]

Love it!!!

[@angelicabenitez2270]

Perfect.. class.

[@DocSnipes]

Too kind. Thanks for watching.

[@MrJfortheElohim]

Hey Doc, what is the difference between being validated and just being gassed up?

[@MrJfortheElohim]

Hey Doc, is it validation if it is laced with lies?

[@DocSnipes]

What do you mean “it’s laced with lies?”

[@MrJfortheElohim]

@@DocSnipes I’ve experienced false validation from a toxic person that would start out with the, I care about you, validation to turn the moment of the validation to do you care about me. The self-center start to bleeding out in the end every time. I’ve shared your video on the co-dependency to no avail. I do agree we all need validation but how to distinguish between a person whom legitimate and not toxic-codependent? I appreciate your work and thanks for responding.

[@martinjack5048]

Great but I have one question if you please. Would you please tell me what do you mean by " how do you experience validation" in 2:41 does it mean to feel the acceptance? And when you say in 2:31 " validate they respect me and and care about me" do you mean here to ensure for us their respect and care? Thank you so much in advance.

[@Augfordpdoggie]

It means how do you want to be validated? If you always need verbal validation you might feel validated by someone spending time with you or by buying you a gift

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

I validate that I am a powerful person and that is something that I really like about my self and it is part of my personal pride. And when you talk about what I deserve you are forcing me to put myself first and to grieve all the things in my life that put my last and told me I deserve punishment.

[@DocSnipes]

Awesome. Thanks for watching

[@peggygarcia1131]

Validating yourself 19:29

[@peggygarcia1131]

19:20 forgive

[@danielraypickrel4316]

Working, smooth out being in a Post traumatic experience. I deserve that to far of a stretch Bill of rights something to work on later. The parent issue is with her in dementia. I have a couple actively loving people in my life.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching!

[@ABB14-11]

Subscribed

[@DocSnipes]

Ty so much!

[@sandracairney6007]

I'm always willing to submit to a loving man. I have no problem with validation and control. Choosy who this service goes to though. I obey only those who meant most to me. I love all my family from the heart forever. I hope they know all of them are the best at whatever they are doing in my eyes regardless of what arguments we've had. I don't care enough to confront people who aren't family, beyond the, get off my territory, or if you abuse me don't be surprised when it returns fully paid with interest. 💖🦋🐮

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@johndeal4381]

This is depressing to watch when you have no one to even talk to, much less validate yourself.

[@chriswalls5831]

I don't seek approval from o others many out there do

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@Medietos]

Thank you, but we are not good people, most of us. It takes a lot of self-discipline, work, intergrity, maturity and health to be able to and to choose being good. They say only God is good. We are valuable though, and always lovable to God.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching the video

[@michaellawton5040]

You are so very beautiful my dear friend ❤️ ♥️ 💕 💖 😘. Would love to see more of you Doc

[@DocSnipes]

I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. Thank you for watching the video

[@michaellawton5040]

@DocSnipes Hello Dr Dawn Sorry but I didn't really watch the video, I just needed to see you ❤️. You are so very beautiful my dear ❤️ ♥️ 😘 💕. Would love to hear from you. Can't stop looking at your beautiful face 😍 😘