Understanding the Sexuality Spectrum: Kinsey Scale & Beyond (with SJ)

[@treadgrrl]

At 55 this made me feel like such a old lesbian. I love watching these shows to see how things have changed…while the coming out and figuring it out feelings are the same the process is very different these days. I feel so happy that all the pain and suffering in my generation and the generations before have opened the doors for these types of open conversations for all to hear.

[@dcinkc58]

I turn 65 in a few days and your comment totally resonates with me!

[@nylyyyn7912]

❤my wife is 55 yo this year. Yes, I support and love you unconditionally ❤🎉😊

[@savingJobutupaki]

Thank you and thank you for this comment

[@addie1496]

I wanted to stand up and cheer when she said that it's hard to figure out your sexuality "because it's normalized in our society for women to be miserable with men." That was my experience for sure.

[@cophydm]

You and your guests are always intelligent, insightful, and well spoken. Please never stop doing this, it's a rare speck of light in the dark night of today's social media.

[@pridetherapy]

I came out at 26 years old, and I’m now 49. It was a different time back then, but I always knew I wanted kids and a wife by the time I was 30. I now have 4 kids and loving life. Dream big! I adopted 3 kids and have one bonus kid.

[@Raddiebaddie]

Amazing ❤🎉

[@neigeepierrot4694]

🎉wonderful

[@Justanotherhuman11]

I have rewritten this comment 5 times lol. What y'all said about family planning and society, how it's dfferent etc.. i can relate. Im 36 and single and i forget how abnormal that is. Almost feel like I'm not my age. Also i dont have any queer community around me either and have no queer friends. But thanks to this podcast, i feel a bit apart of a community 😀

[@peachesnscream]

That horse / men comparison at the start was so real

[@KelleyMeyer-f9h]

I have just stumbled onto this lovely space! You and your guests provide articulate, refreshing, and fun conversations!! I am an older Gay Woman, 61, and seeing these discussions are a great platform for any Gay generation to watch and learn!! Thank you!! ❤️🙏😊🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈

[@rNeyshabur]

What SJ suggests at 30:25 is a version of Internal Family Systems therapy that we can do on our own! I’m so pleasantly surprised how they both talk about (and normalised) the fact we all have different parts of us, and that we can just ask ourselves what we want and need💕 This whole episode is full of such amazing advice, loved it

[@surehang]

ei Mal! this is the 4th or 5th episode I watch and I need to say, you're such a good host that I had to watch a few episodes to realize all of the titles and themes are probably planned beforehand. Cause it's so natural, the way you conduct the conversation and how you let the guests talk, asks the right questions and even when you talk about yourself (which I love), it just flows very smoothly. It's a pleasure to watch! All I wanted to see when I came out 10 years ago.

[@sarahbey1304]

this podcast is the best thing that I discovered recently, honestly ! keep it up !

[@smoothinfldr6994]

Thank you for these podcasts. It is so comforting knowing there are others out there like you.

[@ceceu9]

I gotta say that this episode is my favourite one because I relate to it the most. All that you two said is so so true! Like, I'm only 28, and only now Im letting myself to hear my tiny voice. She's been here for a long long time, I knew that something in me didnt click as much as I wanted to, and even what I want to do as a professional is making me question everything about myself and at the same time, just letting and giving myself permission to feel it all and absorve it and just getting in touch with my tiny voice. And it's hard. People and society like you said, they kinda press you to know yourself and having it all figure it out by this age and the 30s. I was getting this conversation with my younger brother that had so much courage than me and also knew it very soon because he listened to his tiny voice, and we were chatting about life and ourselves, when i said to him, "that I was starting to see myself in a different way, and i always felt it like that i was just scared about everything around me and inside me and how would i feel about it, and he was just like, who cares? You need to LISTEN to what you're feeling inside. It's scary at times, but your happiness is more important than anything else in this world. Your well being, the whole self, is what you should focus above everything else, specially the noise of society. Like screw it. Imma gonna BE here for you anytime as well as your real friends and real family." And that was the most beautiful and meaninful conversation that we had. We always have been close to each other, I always have been the one who protected him in any situation, and it's just beautiful how I can look at it, and seeing that now he's the one doing it for me. He's been together with his partner (that I call like a 2nd best friend to me) for almost 8 years, and they are the best couple I know. Like, I can't even explain how happy and fullfil they are. Like they are the couple I admire the most. They are IT to me you know? So yeah.... all this to say that this episode speaked to me in the most beautiful and meaninful way. And it clarifies so much to me. Thank you for this. Thank you for this podcast that has been a openig book for me. This is so well done! Congratulations to every single one of you, that are helping a lot of people with this opening conversations. This podcast is something special. ❤️

[@Tee-Jay-y]

The comphet is so real. One of my proudest parenting achievements is that I have taught my son from the get-go that he has a choice of genders to both be and to create a life with when he's an adult. I married three times in an unconscious attempt to make myself fit into the societal norms, and I'm just now coming out at age 53. It's hard to even meet people where I live, in a small town in the South so my options were limited to heterosexual relationships. But I don't want my son to think that there aren't more options. Both for him and for other people. My mother told me when I was a teenager and I was complaining about problems in my marriage, she said nobody likes to have sex with her husband. I just thought that women were lying when they said they enjoyed having sex with their husbands and that it was all performative.

[@nikamarijanovic8213]

Honesltly I'm in love with this whole podcast, the way SJ talks and conveys her message is so touching. You can really see how much of an intelligent and well spoken woman she is. I'm 18 and I love my books, that being said I'd really appreciate if she could share some of her book recommendations :)

[@alyssagraham7958]

My favourite episode so far ❤ SJ speaking on getting to know yourself through conversation, art, and friendships!

[@taracallaghanphoto]

I have been looooving this podcast so much. The format is great, love the insightful and vulnerable conversations and also the humour. Also appreciate how you give yours guests space, too many podcasts have people interrupting and talking over each other. Also loved seeing Shannon on here, I remember following her tumblr when I was questioning my sexuality. Always watched her KZbin vids, as well as lesbian answers by Jenna (anyone else?? lol)

[@danny_okay]

The wisdom throughout this conversation of truly getting to know yourself is palpable and relatable. This is my new favourite podcast. Thank you both for sharing. 🌻

[@shelbyteresak]

Favorite episode so far, what a gem!!

[@rush_amanda]

Why are all your friends so hilarious lolll I love it

[@nikkirazal9647]

i stumbled across this podcast 2 days ago and have just the most recent upload left to watch and i just want to say mal,,, i LOVE the way you listen to what everyone has to say and facilitate these convos :’) ngl i was shook at how quickly i was drawn to each episode because i had never really heard of you or any of your guests, but your personality shines and you allow others to shine as well,,, i love love love everything about this podcast,, please keep it up!!!!

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

thank you for this comment 🥹 and for listening!! so happy you’re enjoying it❤

[@ulianaisinside]

thank you very very much i will be thinking about things that were said on this podcast for the next week. thanks for letting us find out about SJ she is WONDERFUL. such a bright personality for real. this podcast means a lot to me, i will never be tired of thanking you for making it

[@Miss-O]

God I love this podcast. Every episode has been fantastic and so relatable. What a crazy ride we are all on together in this life. Keep up the great work Mal and Co.

[@corskap]

'there so much art and literature out there it would have saved me headaches.' ---10000000%

[@erinaddison5757]

Cannot remember the last time I laughed this hard at a video!! Can’t get enough of this channel 🤗

[@intrepid_astronaut]

Love this so much, also, the way I thought for a split second SJ was Dana from "The L Word".

[@magaisti]

This episode is A1!! So many journal prompts will come from listening to these two talk

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

love this ❤

[@reneecowin986]

“How did you not know you were gay?” Bc I grew up watching Everybody Loves Raymond and Family Guy where the wives hated their husbands.

[@ChechuBrz]

I've listened them all and I can say this is my absolute favorite episode. Everything that was said resonated beyond my sexuality. Great podcast 👏👏💜

[@ivonttr6461]

thank you for existing 🥰🥳

[@annehochwald]

I am so happy that I found this podcast. It really resonated with me. Thank you Mal & team!

[@jlcurran1]

What a beautiful conversation. Thank you for putting this out in the world. 💙🌈☀️

[@macarenaalmonte2959]

Loved how SJ explained each idea 🤩🤩 she made it simple to understand....❤

[@portialyons6096]

I wish I was someone so I could have a conversation with Mal!! I love the way you guide the conversation!!!

[@isabellarussosavoldi1702]

literally everything she said resonated with me, i loved this episode sm!

[@rosiedust9317]

SJ is so freaking hilarious and so articulate. Adore you both!

[@cocainekeiko]

not gonna lie I have only been subscribed for four days to this podcast and had to change it to the bell "all subscription". solid supporter from New York City. cheers

[@chrysteljean-baptiste2981]

Best guest so far !!! (they’re all great though)

[@rNeyshabur]

Me too!! I’ve literally kept checking for this😆🥳🥳

[@flandradeg]

Great episode! I'm absolutely fascinated by SJ's insights. I'd love to know more about that reading list! 😄

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

Patricia Highsmith (her diaries and notebooks) , Jenna Gribbon (coffee table book), Art & Queer Literature, pathetic Literature

[@flandradeg]

Thanks! 💜

[@Baddie017]

LOVED LOVED LOVED THIS!!!

[@CalCon.98]

I am buying those books…. Please share more books we need to read….

[@carlotamagdalenoruiz1735]

Many thanks for the podcast ❤

[@c0ff]

This podcast is so good! Is there anything like that for males?

[@sjbarney1101]

seeing other people named SJ makes me so excited because i literally have never met any other person who goes by SJ (i also am an SJ)

[@terrydillon9323]

Thanks. So interesting.

[@azel6739]

YES! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

[@ltrillium1000]

SJ is a stunningly beautiful woman. She is also incredibly centered. Lastly, you can see that Malory feeds off SJ's calmness and isn't so frenetic in her podcast.

[@mariyas.9409]

SJ is so charismatic 😻 my lesbian heart is trembling

[@101forthefun5]

Her bringing the books is cracking me up lol

[@LaLaLaLaLa8237]

Mal- at the end when you said how you met Matild, there's actually a lesbian fiction book about a woman who falls in love w the producer/host of the lesbian dating show she's on. Its called Forever by Kris Bryant. It's a really good book actually!

[@briceidaperez5856]

I did the am I gay thing when I was like 14. I am bi. I never felt straight but when i did it gave me 64% gay. I would panic and be more fem. I thought I can't like girls I'm such a fem even tho all my crushes were mostly girls.. literally lived in dulu land most of my life

[@andrewmallory3854]

Freaks me out when someone is called Mallory as a given name.... Enjoying your podcasts hugely.

[@jannethernandez7762]

I hate the fact that masc presenting women are expected to be the "man" in the relationship, however we are still woman and want to be loved, and taken care of. We want to be pleased and feel protected. We really need to take care of masc presenting women with a fem personality.

[@LavieNK]

I love your podcast.

[@HotCakeX]

I love this episode! 🙏😊

[@ri3706]

Can you tell us what books that rainbow behind you is comprised of?

[@-jellyfish]

Thank you so much for this podcast ❤🙏

[@elliekath2537]

loved this

[@saraxadam3659]

loving SJ... she's giving very Aquarius

[@emi7916]

I've seen the rat pencil bags!!!! they were recommended to me on etsy LOL

[@elisecalypso]

what are the reading materials? love this episode

[@chrrislowe9919]

The taxidermy rat bag truly took me out lmao 😂

[@orangexmm]

Thank you so much you girls are all awsome that made me wannna look up to you be an elegant and calm lesbian

[@ltrillium1000]

Does SJ have a website for her art?

[@loniprinsloo8801]

What about a chat about open/poly queer relationships?

[@littlecherry2666]

where is the reading list tho

[@sarahbey1304]

Mal , the scarf you are wearing is gorgeous, what is it from ?

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

It’s actually a tie from SJ- I meant to have her tell the story on the pod but she had a family friend pass away and wound up with all of his ties which she then had a “silly tie party” and gave all of us one. SJ truly is one of my favorite humans🥹❤️

[@sarahbey1304]

@@MadeItOutPodcast omg that's so sweet and creative 💛 . Invite her again to tell the story, you guys friendship and conversations are beautiful to see on this podcast

[@jlpressley1]

Can we get the names of the books she brought? :D

[@indomitusjane]

It seems like a lot of straight women experimented with women in early adulthood and lesbians experimented with men 😅

[@linwill1720]

I've seen those rat pencil bags!!! I think SJ is forgetting the other side lifestyle of taxidermy which are wildlife biologists who pick up road kill! I have friends who are road kill fiends and have some really cool skulls from that.

[@fallywags]

I love you two! 😂

[@TillyRain]

Which reality show?

[@farleyandrews7269]

What is S J's reading list ? Now I am intrigued ! love to you guys ! Possibly it is that lesbianism is closer to the "right path" for women (?) than what is considered by "society" to be "normal", "correct", and what we are "supposed to be thinking" (???). Male dominance is what makes us think we are thinking "the wrong thing" (?), or something that is not as accepted or acceptable (?). - Farley Andrews

[@XxZzeÉxX]

Mal, how do you feel about non-binary lesbians?

[@MrRobbie60003]

Whats SJ’s full name

[@ArtichokeHunter]

"don't deny yourself the exploration of that" stings when she's the one making that choice but alas

[@PandaEyez09]

6:09 and sometimes the choice is just taken from you. And that trauma mixes with religious trauma and you’re just fighting for any guy to want you because you’re “damaged goods.” 🤮

[@ClaraMarjorie]

I feel like you can have your preference but masc women are beautiful.

[@angelwin1243]

Good

[@MelissaOrtega-u4h]

Apak ok❤

[@Raddiebaddie]

7:04 5 on the Kinsey scale is pretty gay tho

[@Mary-AnnFitzpatrick]

Met my wife at work and we have been together for 30 years 😉

[@danceswithcoyotes8273]

Honestly, it wasn't hard to figure out at all. I knew at 11 years old. I had a crush on a girl, and she was talking to me one day, and this fantasy of me kissing her popped in my head. Then maybe a few days later, I was talking to her again, and I had this very explicit fantasy pop in my head of going down on her. I was 11 years old. And then ALL my wet dreams were with girls. I didn't know that it had a name. I didn't know that it was called "homosexuality" or "gay". I found that out a year later at age 12. Once I knew what "gay" meant, I knew it applied to me in about 2 seconds (maybe less). So I don't get how some girls don't figure it out until college? Something is up with that. It was EASY to figure out. What I think is, if you didn't know in high school or right at the start of puberty, you're not as gay as you want to be. These quizzes. I think they're stupid. If you have to take a quiz, you're not as gay as you want to be. I never took those dumb quizzes. No quiz was necessary.

[@Meredith_Paige]

This comment dude… Did you listen to anything they said? Consider yourself very lucky that it was easy. I’m very gay and didn’t realize this until my late 30’s after being married for 14 years to the most incredible man and my sweet daughter. The last thing I want to do is flip our lives upside down. Deep, deep repression which caused so many health issues and other problems along the way. Your upbringing and how safe it was to see your truth is massive. Like Mal, I grew up in Texas and going to church. There was no room for this. Zero representation. Compulsory heterosexuality, internalized homophobia… it’s a very real experience and far more common than you realize. Telling people they are less gay based on when they come to terms with it is nothing short of ignorant. Support your community. If only I had known at 12…

[@danceswithcoyotes8273]

@@Meredith_Paige Yes. I did listen. I grew up a Fundamentalist (Baptist) Christian home. South Carolina. There was no room for homosexuality. No, it wasn't safe to see my truth. It had to be repressed. Compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia. 100% real. When I came out it was a train wreck. I faked straight for 13 years, and I knew I was faking it. I didn't know another gay person until the age of 24. Not one. ALL my friends were/are straight! Little old me, all alone, trying to pray away the gay and faking straight. But I still knew I was same-sex attracted, and I was terrified and mortified. I was gay before I knew what they called it or even that it was taboo. I'm not buying these excuses for why some women don't know, and I've dated women who didn't know until later. The women who knew later have a level of bisexuality (and that's fine). But now the heterosexual side is being repressed.

[@SunFlower-nq7de]

​@@Meredith_Paige don't you think all religious gods are fake and man-made cuz how can a true God punish you for being a gay when he created you in this way, it's not your fault, and how can he be disgusted by seeing two humans in love.

[@deboravolpini3341]

Not relevant

[@Meredith_Paige]

@@SunFlower-nq7de yeah that’s a tricky one. These days I’m more spiritual than religious but I definitely hear you. I believe in a higher power but it’s not the same god people speak of in certain churches. Any religion/church who stands by that… I agree it’s just not real or something has been lost in communication along the way. That’s so fear based and naive.

[@majoduarte8722]

I knew at the age of 9 that I was a queer kid. I fell in love with girls and women later exclusively and never dated a man. Came out to my mother and sister at 21 and left home; they didn´t accept me because of their religious prejudices. I made my life and if I had to reincarnate again it would have to be as a lesbian again. No discussion.

[@PeachNEPTR]

I just want to say that I have an uncle David who married a man named David. It’s a good bit.

[@NoName-vy8vu]

Do gays confuse sexual attraction with sexuality?

[@NoName-vy8vu]

@cmm917 Sexuality is a human construct. Try again.

[@dianerourke4609]

Easy to say in your generation

[@yvesjr1967]

Can we have a trans person on your podcast. I really love all your episodes.

[@NoName-vy8vu]

What is the biological goal for every living organism?