Unseen Autistic Challenges with “Higher Functioning” 🤢 Autism

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[@accidentalwarrior1017]

You're a good mom. As a little girl these behaviours were seen as purposeful defiance against authority and so I was punished and screamed at for hours for not being able to show eye contact and for stepping on peoples feet.

[@ruthbarratt-peacock8688]

That really sucks. Even for neuro-typical children, that is just aweful parenting.

[@joycecz]

We endured so much sh#t when we were kids with a society that had no clue. [50s & 60s kids - zero support]

[@iamjustsaying4787]

@ Joyce Autism was exceedingly rare before the 1990s. Defiance, lack of eye contact, physical aggression are also symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder too.

[@KillerCaitie]

Same here.

[@audreydoyle5268]

​@@iamjustsaying4787 correction: the *"diagnosis** of autism was exceedingly rare

[@Swaggler1]

I only realized I was autistic when my son was diagnosed as autistic. My son is "high functioning," too. He's 23 now and we have SOOO many misunderstandings between us because his autism communication challenges and MY autism blindspots clash. I believe that this is a area that the medical community needs to start looking at -- what the relationship of an autistic parent and an ADULT autistic child looks like. HELP!

[@yourmom2189]

Yes!!! I’m autistic and my autistic son is 20. People keep trying to give me “parenting advice” that either doesn’t work for me as an autistic parent or doesn’t work for him as my autistic child or both.

[@astriddeslandes2373]

Yup... Autistic mother here, of two adult autistic children... there was no support throughout our lives, because it wasn't a topic of discussion until very recently.

[@ladyogre5012]

As an adult autistic child with an adhd/bipolar parent/caregiver, the biggest four things i can think to say are: communication, patience, adaption, and the benefit of the doubt. To go into it further, communication is sharing information, however you can, patience is understanding that almost nothing needs to be done right that moment, you can take time to calm down and think, adaption is being willing to change your environment, thinking and behavior in order to create a functioning system (this needs to be from all people in the communication group), and benefit of the doubt is not assuming intentions are malious or hurtful until proven otherwise. This is what works for me and my mom at least, it might give a starting point to others.

[@myheadhurtstho]

wild that ur son gets an autism diag and u just immediately assume u have it too. had to be special too right, any doctor, therapist or anybody of any qualification ever say u had autism? I doubt it.

[@andrewwalker8385]

you’re already doing well by recognising it, my parents barely engage with the idea, let alone the trauma. i would advise mental health screenings for you both if you haven’t done this

[@ThatPaintingLass]

THIS!!!!!! My kids pediatrician is suggesting that my kids aren’t autistic because of his 5 minutes he spends with them every few months. I just want to scream every time he says it. They want to impress him. So he doesn’t see alllll the things.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sometimes it’s so challenging to get them the help they need! I feel you 💔

[@dosbabymama]

I first asked my daughters pediatrician about her possibly being autistic when she was 3. Her dr said no way, and listed why. So anyway, she was recently diagnosed at 17....

[@dancedivaforchrist]

I had a preschool student: I identified multiple red flags for autism the first time I met them. The parent raised concerns with the pediatrician who told them “you will always find autism if you go looking for it.” When we talked to the parents about our concerns it was hard to hear, but they felt so validated. Doctors need to stop acting like they know everything and start listening to patients and caregivers!!!

[@AsuraSantosha]

This happened to me with my son's doctor's AND his teachers. Luckily, at school, there are enough adults involved that a few of the faculty members took me seriously, even though I felt like some of the others were gaslighting me. When I expressed concerns to my pediatrician before he started school about his unsafe and impulsive behaviors, she shot me down and said he "seemed fine" to her. She didn't even interact with him herself. She spoke only to me. Thanks to one of his supportive teachers, I was able to request some assessments, and he now has an AuDHD diagnosis. But sadly, some of his teachers still don't engage in supportive interventions and have tried to claim that they "don't have to follow the accommodations in his 504 if it does not seem nessecary." No, you do have to follow the accommodations. I fought hard for that 504 for a reason, and it's legally required that you follow it. Unfortunately, taking legal action against a school/school district can be really difficult despite the protective laws in place.

[@ryanmackenzie6109]

God this makes me want to scream. I've been asking, BEGGING to be diagnosed since I was 14. My doctors kept telling me "no, you make great eye contact." Yeah right. Recently I brought a list of all of my symptoms to my Psychiatrist and he's agreed it's highly likely to be Autism. But he won't diagnose me until I'm tested. Which would have been free up until I was 18.. but now costs about $2000.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

That's so frustrating. My nine-year-old doesn't push down on things but he will grab one of our arms and press his face against it really hard. If he's communicating happiness, we find it cute. If he's trying to tell us he's angry or scared or doesn't want to do something, he has been known to bite as well as press. But I totally agree, an autistic child is often very different at home than they are at school. So many of the challenges go unseen by anyone who's not in their immediate family. Even my nine-year-old, who's non-speaking and very obviously autistic, puts on a mask for people he doesn't know well.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I wish other people understood what we know... so hard to reconcile how different things are away from home with how things are AT home...

[@srldwg]

​@@MomontheSpectrumI empathize with that struggle😢

[@NoThankUBeQuiet]

Human mouths are nasty.

[@smallgay6000]

Maybe be happy that your home is where he feels safe enough to be himself

[@Cove_Blue]

​@smallgay6000 But we shouldn't have to hide who we are because the world is unaccepting and ableist.

[@jenniferreed3742]

my son has broken ALL THE DOORKNOBS. and then i fix them and he re-brakes them. I never got mad at him because I’ve never seen him actively try to break a doorknob- it just always seems to happen. today he looked at me and was like mom why is your bedroom door knob broken again and I said I don’t know man ill fix it tonight. he’s five and he seemed really concerned and said mom you really need to buy better doorknobs 😂. but this makes so much sense to me. I love hearing from other moms stories about things that their kids do too that people just tell my son misbehaving or being aggressive but that’s not what it is at all. it’s really hard to find other parents who understand

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I’m glad I’m not the only one! Yours sounds super sweet and unassuming like mine. 💕

[@lolitalolita7561]

Too cute! I don’t get mad at my son either. I know he doesn’t mean to.

[@bronsonleach3573]

@@MomontheSpectrum I am on the spectrum and broke stuff a lot as a kid and still do. I sometimes forget I am very strong even as a kid I would accidentally break doors, pencils while writing, and sometimes hurt peoples hands during a hand shake. I groom my beard now as a coping mechanism or rock back and forth when I am stressed which as a adult is most of the day. As a kid I chewed my nails really badly so the beard works way better. The worst part is when you hit puberty and you have all of this hormonal energy as a guy and you don't understand it nor know how to control it. Dating is gonna be a struggle I am in my 20s and still struggle matter a fact I have only been on one date ever mainly because I wear a mental mask alot in public so I seem some what normal. I haven't found a girl I can trust with my real self which honestly isn't that bad just seems very strange to most people. My friends are extreme rednecks and I generally fit in well in that group because it is where I can actually be myself and not feel like a freak.

[@NoThankUBeQuiet]

Sounds like he's old enough to learn to help fix doorknobs. At least holding stuff ECT.

[@NoThankUBeQuiet]

Note I don't mean as a punishment

[@jessicacass1783]

Loving parents are such a blessing. Society is adjusting slowly...

[@gamer546lg5]

For the worse

[@stillnotstill]

​@@gamer546lg5oh yes DEFINITELY LOVING AND UNDERSTANDING PARENTS ARE HORRIBLE WOW /sarcasm

[@whatwhy6447]

I feel for you, little guy! Glad he's pushing down on things instead of what I was doing when I was dysregulated... (banging my head/punching things) Also glad that you have so much understanding of what he's going through and can be there for him. Wow, if people had just known I wasn't doing it on purpose! An autistic youtuber (Runaway Germ) was talking about how she bought a "strike shield" (for boxing) to deal with the need for pressure when melting down (or dysregulated/pre-meltdown) and honestly it is an amazing idea. Punching bag works great for me as well. So glad for him you know it isn't just aggression. 💛

[@MomontheSpectrum]

awesome suggestion! thanks for sharing

[@nnylasoR]

🤯🤯🤯 Just added a strike shield to my cart (for myself!) - thank, you, ve,ry, much. ✊♥️ I knooow it’s not “ok / acceptable” to punch random things, but what if it is a thing literally made to be punched and kicked? Like, how have I never before considered having one in my life??

[@samanthabogen9639]

​@@nnylasoRYeah you can do cardio kickboxing at home if it makes you feel better. Try a military workout maybe, bug body movements or even weightlifting can regulate

[@crossdressingthug3443]

I was so good at masking as a kid that I went undetected until my early 20s. I found out I was on the spectrum after I got out of the Marine Corps. I'm glad I found out though. It's helping me understand my weaknesses so that I can reach my full potential in life. I'm 28 with a paid off house, good job, and a lot of goals that I'm eager to accomplish.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Awesome!! You rock! 😎

[@cbrooks0905]

Awesome, man! …and they think we’re disabled…🙄

[@gamer546lg5]

So being normal like a human being is called masking???

[@crossdressingthug3443]

@@gamer546lg5 Masking is a type of conformity. What separates it from normal conformity imo is that Masking is a bit more conscious. Autistic people stand out in many ways. They are usually oblivious of their abnormal behavior until they are much older. The average person usually picks up on "erring" behavior from an early age. Yes, conformity might be normal but normal doesn't exempt people from being mediocre. That's why I preach to other autistic people to stop masking and to be comfortable with who they are. When you mask or conform, you are altering your behavior to please others.

[@camille8231]

​​@@gamer546lg5 and masking can take a lot of energy and affect our mental health too

[@Cyntaria]

I'm an adult woman on a waiting list to be assessed for autism and that statement about masking/functioning well at school that people you're fine and at home everything you were masking comes out really resonated with me. When I'm around people (at work, social gatherings, etc) I mask so well that no one would guess I'm neurodivergent (I have ADHD, just waiting for the autism assessment). Yet when I come home or when I'm around my boyfriend or best friend after a whole day of masking, I'm just so exhausted and I could be experiencing sensory overload (specifically auditory and touch), not want to speak, be enjoying whatever I'm doing with either of them but not have the energy to make the right facial expressions or sound enthusiastic. I may need time to self regulate and be back at my baseline after that, or I may be so overwhelmed that I need help prepping dinner even if it's just heating up leftovers, lots of encouragement to shower and if touch doesn't hurt then I'll need lots of holding or physical contact.

[@llareia]

Same. I hope you get your diagnosis. I'm honestly not even pursuing one because I'm not sure it would even change anything for me. I've taken all the tests, was surprised at how emphatically "yeah, you're autistic" they were, discussed the issues raised with NT people in my life ("wait, I thought EVERYONE goes through life pretending to be normal??"), and I'm learning about the blind spots I've had in my own self-care from trying so hard for so long... and for now that's enough.

[@Cyntaria]

@@llareia for me it would help a lot with my trauma recovery so I can't wait to get it. Either I have it and I can work on navigating behaviours that may be contributing to the intense distress and psychosis during trauma episodes, or I don't have it and I just continue on the path I'm on now with my psychologist.

[@llareia]

I wish you all the best in your trauma recovery. It's never easy, but untangling multiple factors must be very challenging. 💙

[@Cyntaria]

@@llareia Thank you! Right now the challenge has been with medication as my bipolar relapsed from all the stress in the past 6 months. Third adjustment since October and it's stabilised me enough to function again so I'm back on track. Good luck with your journey!

[@coal.sparks]

3 doorknobs. One panel in a door. A light switch, a shelf, two framed photos, the curtain on the back door, and the laundry room sink. My foster son has been with us just over a year. Between a need to fidget, not knowing his own strength, anger, and low frustration tolerance... well, it's keeping Home Depot in business, I guess. :D

[@lampwithabluelight]

You've probably already tried this, but you may want to get something that he can pull and stretch really hard on, like a small exercise band that he can pull on really hard between his hands, that's what helped me from breaking things by pushing down on them lol

[@srldwg]

I was a teenage girl back in the 90s. Diagnosed at 47 now. I would get to feeling so stressed out, without any intent on taking thst stess out on anything (like slamming a foor on purpose - this was nothing like that.) I would just go to do something normally and it would break. I didn't understand what happened. What was happening. I would get yelled at, scream at, and accused of doing it on purpose. It hurt. Especially hurtful and harmful to a scared confused teenager.

[@katesmanik4007]

Love to you. Our kiddo spends all afternoon in screens and then “thinking” (a skipping/pacing stim) and around and around and around.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💓

[@transsnack]

Off topic, but your kid and I have the same stim. I've never heard of someone else doing it, it's kinda nice!

[@martinaseps4763]

Mine does it too!

[@amyrivers4093]

As a school teacher who is also on the spectrum I've been blessed with the ability to quickly spot a child that is on the spectrum with 100% accuracy so far. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and I was so relieved as it explained my whole life and the fact that there was a reason for the way I felt. One of the reasons I wanted to be a new entrants teacher was to be able to facilitate testing, funding etc for any of my kids (I always called my students my kids). I wanted them to get whatever they needed as early intervention helps. I'd like to say that all teachers do whatever they possibly can to make sure help is in place but there are so many teachers who don't want to fill out the extra paperwork especially when putting an individualized education program in place. The second reason was to start my kids road to many years of school off to a great start in a loving and caring environment. Unfortunately twelve years ago when I was 32 my lifelong specialists gave me two years at the most to live which was realistic with my extensive health history (I also have a few physical illnesses as well). I can no longer teach or be a foster Mum which was hard as I saw those two things as my life purposes. I think that you are doing a good job teaching others about the reality of having a child on the spectrum. Xx

[@bronsonleach3573]

Dating while on the spectrum is the hardest thing it is very frustrating. I was never officially diagnosed but labeled as slow. I suck at math but am very skilled with using my hands in the trades.

[@amyrivers4093]

@@bronsonleach3573 I agree 100%. I was a bit unlucky to of been abused in all ways possible by my ex fiance 22 years ago and I decided I'm better off being single. I went on a few dates when asked but it was just so stressful. I don't let many people get close to me only those that understand my aspergers. My best friend and I met when I was 10 and she was 11, we are now 44 and 45 and she is amazing. In the past 20 months I've lost both of my parents who I had moved back in with when it was too dangerous healthwise to live on my own and she is like my sister. My only other close friend is a guy I met when I was 16 and he was 19. I don't know about you but I find it easier to have one on one social interactions rather than groups of friends. I hope that, if you haven't already you find a girl that understands how your brain works differently while knowing that you are amazing and very worth getting to know. Xx

[@wowk7140]

may you live long Amy! hugs

[@amyrivers4093]

@wowk7140 thank you, that's very kind of you to take the time to write such a lovely comment. I wish you all the best.

[@pilgrimlearning9530]

My son used to break things ALL THE TIME! We don't speak to my mother anymore because she confessed that my autistic son "depresses her" because she had to have so many things replaced. We got smart though, at the age of 3-4 Dani broke 2 smart TVs, so instead of buying another we bought a projector! He could throw things at a brick wall to his heart's content! People don't understand, so many assume the kids are just being purposefully naughty.

[@bronsonleach3573]

I am autistic I very rarely purposely broke things but I definitely did accidentally because I was very strong as a child. I was raised in a simple fashion but school was very stressful because I am generally anti social and just don't trust people. My grandfather got me into lots of sports violent ones such as football and wreastling were my favorite because I could put all my stress from school and use it in those sports. Honestly make things simple as possible because we have mental over loads and it can feel like a billion thoughts caving in your skull all at once and body just goes into flight or fight. I remember my first meltdown which was at the doctors office it took the hole medical staff to keep me down so they could give me my shots as a kid. If I have a meltdown now I just usually run away from people or hold it in until I get to my truck and let it all out. Dating is the worst because obviously you want to have a girlfriend but most girls are not understanding enough to know we wear a mental mask and generally hide our emotions from people because we struggle to control them. So people think I am a pyscopath because when I wear my mental mask I hide almost all emotions and the only thing getting behind that mask is really good jokes.

[@gamer546lg5]

If your child broke 2 tvs,then the child is bad and stupid Hit and yell at child to make them learn Goddamn north americans

[@BabudroSun]

@@bronsonleach3573 It definitely is not just a problem for girls to struggle to understand. (straight) Girls with autism or other similar struggles would find it hard to find a guy who can be understanding of them, too.

[@bronsonleach3573]

@@BabudroSun From what I noticed with autistic girls is men are more likely to prefer them over a non autistic girl because they are more honest and loyal.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

You're a good mom ❤

[@JoeJoeTater]

What about a cane? Like, if he carries it around, he'll always have something to push down on.

[@TheFinalProblem1891]

I went straight to the comments section to see if this was suggested. This is totally what I would do. Might work, might not, but it's a good creative option. I do this kind of AT problem solving at work all the time and this was my first thought too.

[@jake_from_statefarm7209]

I learn every single time I watch something you've posted. Thank you so much!

[@jmo2104]

Oh my gosh, I understand this so much. I'm so glad that he's got a mother like you to support an advocate for him! I am 63 years old and have only known for 2 years that I was autistic. My mother did know that I was dyslexic and found a wonderful phonetics teacher who taught me how to read and that opened my imagination. I grew up being told I was bad and not having support. But I learned to mask masterfully! :-) it's painful but it's the only way you can survive it. Good for you for getting the word out ❤️

[@wildflowersandwonderment]

Yesss when my son would come from school and masking all day he would just have meltdowns all evening. There was no getting homework done or chores, sometimes not even dinner. But at school he was “fine”

[@artandfiction4534]

I recommend stim toys! There's even some discreet ones if he needs to bring them in public. (Some stim toys can be seen as "childish" to the outside world. It's annoying.)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I loooove stim toys. What’s your favorite?

[@artandfiction4534]

@@MomontheSpectrum I don't really have any :/ But I've always wanted those glass things with colored bubbles floating to the top. Rlly I think I need a squish toy or a tangle.

[@GuyG.KTalesOfAnimals]

Taylor this explains so much, I grew up as a girl (I am trans) and I had a lot of sensory needs and this explains so mich about how different things were in home and at school/kindergarten

[@whitneymason406]

My son has to kick or jump to regulate. Definitely had some things break around the house too!

[@nryane]

WOW! Your sensitive little guy is doing the best that he can, but it must be very frustrating for him, you, his father, and his sibling!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

he's pretty cute though! and one of the sweetest kids i know!

[@sweetpea4967]

Great video...and if we apply this concept to adults who had to develop masking and feel "crazy" for this regulation activities or suffer meltdowns and shutdowns, but no one sees this or when they do, they abandon the relationship. Or fire them. Sigh

[@PraveenSriram]

It is very challenging to mask autism, especially higher functioning ones. I can totally relate!!

[@agosesco7134]

I used to eat the weirdest things in my home and later I realized it's because i had sensory stuff going on because Im autistic. My mom had to be so vigilant of me sometimes

[@imageword5576]

Did you prefer to eat bland things? Bread/toast with maybe 1 other ingredient on it? Crackers by themselves?

[@agosesco7134]

​@@imageword5576I don't remember being a picky eater but definitely hated overly sweet/salty/sour things. The smell of chocolate some fruits or raw meats made me want to puke as a kid

[@ethanstout8226]

Yep, as a "very high functioning" person who was only diagnosed a year before his son, who struggles everyday masking. Anyways I subscribbed. IMOUT OF language today. Thank you!

[@johnzimpelman9018]

I am a high functioning, don't like this tern either, Aspie who realized that I did a darn good job of masking despite being a "loner." Music was the one thing that I had to decompress from regulating. It is my main thing to stim and even now I wear my headphones and go one brisk walks. I say it "keeps me centered."

[@karenhackbarth1801]

Yep, that was me growing up. I can’t have those issues because I’m a girl. So I was just considered stupid and passed on to next yr. More lost and confused every year. By the time I got in high school I stopped caring. Still don’t and now everyone gets upset because I’m distant and I don’t care. They still don’t get it

[@bronsonleach3573]

I almost had that happen but I had skilled teachers that would work with me sad they couldn't do the same for you.

[@karenhackbarth1801]

@@bronsonleach3573 it’s ok I consider it karmic debt paid and I’m cool with it. The best part is learning to think outside the box. Lately I’ve been shaking head thinking and they said I was stupid! No I’m blessed because my brain operates on a different frequency. Therefore not able to program. I have a black hole file for bullshit, most convenient.

[@bronsonleach3573]

@@karenhackbarth1801 I was a honor roll student but I was socially akward. I played in a lot of sports which made me very popular at school but I hated the extra attention. The girls think I am pyscopath because I used a mental mask in school so I could control my emotions. Now I just don't care what people think because I know who my true freinds are. The only thing that sucks these days is trying to find a girlfriend because when a girl hears you have autism they automatically think you are stupid even though you are most likely smarter than they could ever dream. Also not to mention girls are very mentally abusive. I am a large guy too and guys didn't really mess with me but jeez those girls can cause more pain then any physical injury that could ever happen.

[@marypike8149]

I learned (and taught my kiddos) to rub my big toe in my sock/shoe. It helped me to 'let the air out' enough to regulate. Won't work for everyone, but maybe it'll help someone. Keep the faith, the struggle is real! Good on you for advocating and educating on behalf of your child.

[@SpookyDeerArt]

i genuinely feel anxiety about unpacking everything that happened to me as a kid, that i dealt with, struggled through, and lost or missed out on because i was an undiagnosed ASD kid with other mental illnesses. seeing you talk about this, being aware of it with your kids is really reassuring and healing in a way.

[@nathanjw940]

Your son is awesome happy to hear he is doing so well in school. Please let him know that he has a fan that is excited to hear about his success.

[@hobistinyheartbag]

Yoov that was me as a kid! I broke wardrobe doors, shelf doors, doorknobs and even a fridge door because I was putting my weight on them when I talk 😂 I’ve got diagnosed as an adult and love to see the symptoms in kids makes me feel validated thanks for sharing 🥰

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! Thanks for your comment.

[@NormaJean951]

It’s not really a funny joke that you destroyed things. Things cost money and you breaking them meant they weren’t available for other people to use. Having autism does not mean you need to destroy things and it’s selfish and almost psychopathic that you find it so amusing.

[@zoebowler5664]

@@NormaJean951 is there no happiness in your life? Every comment you make is negative. I hope you find some peace and joy at some point

[@orsonb203]

THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS! im "high functioning" but its mostly because ive been masking my whole life and its so frustrating when people say im not *that* autistic

[@nathanjw940]

I struggle with space which means a I park further away because I can't get in a parking space. It also means I have injured almost every toe kicking walls and banging into corners. I also get lost in big parking lots because I have a general idea of where I am but but if I park in a different spot or area I won't find my car because I don't have a sense of space.

[@whitneymason406]

I deal with this too! If there are letters or numbers marking the parking lot that helps me a lot.

[@Kelly_Mae]

Same!

[@VioletBlu8888]

Same! I didn’t know this was a thing. Thank you for having the words

[@vintagetwistco]

My boys are 11.5 and 9.5yo. When they come home from school it’s utter chaos. We each have our own coping mechanisms and we all drive each other nuts with them. It’s a constant struggle for each of us to no be bothered by each other. 🤦‍♀️

[@risky_busine55]

I appreciate this mom talking from a place of empathy for her kid, she's talking about how there should be accessibility needs so her son doesn't get so overloaded, ngl at the start i was a bit worried this would be one of those videos where parents treat their kids support needs as a burden rather than just a part of life that they can make accommodations for so props to her for not falling into that kinda talk, but actually advocating for better conditions for the autistic person in question

[@onyxxxyno]

How about a pushy-downy thing to push on safely

[@HolisticHomemaker]

Yeeeees!!! I never even made this connection 😳 they mask all day at school so that’s why the summer is so much easier and they’re themselves more

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Exactly!!

[@historicalcucumber]

Thank you for highlighting the way some schools and teachers often place unnecessary stress on "high-functioning" kids on the spectrum because they don't recognize certain behaviors or stims, my son likes to jump up and down at times to get that sensory input and self-regulation but his elementary school teachers would send him to the principals office for having a "tantrum" when in reality he wasn't mad he was stressed and that's how he copes.

[@esm1817]

Thanks for explaining. I wonder if my little guy is autistic and he steps on my feet a lot...although it seems more like he is using mine for a ladder to reach food. 😑

[@srldwg]

I was a teenage girl back in the 90s. Diagnosed at 47 now. I would get to feeling so stressed out, without any intent on taking thst stess out on anything (like slamming a foor on purpose - this was nothing like that.) I would just go to do something normally and it would break. I didn't understand what happened. What was happening. I would get yelled at, scream at, and accused of doing it on purpose. It hurt. Especially hurtful and harmful to a scared confused teenager.

[@lwitte8857]

Love you talking about this! Sensory perception is such a big part of life on the spectrum! I was incredibly lucky to be diagnosed young (first grade), especially as a low support needs girl with a high IQ ( both factors in later diagnosis). Getting speech and occupational therapies was incredibly impactful and a part of the reason that I am working on a doctorate in occupational therapy today!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Awesome! Thanks for sharing 💓

[@bleepbloop9123]

I instantly relax & unmask when I see your page ❤

[@bk3720]

Also known as rigorous product durability testing the manufacturer forgot to do.

[@c0niferal]

I used to break things all the time as a kid. I'm 22 now & only been diagnosed a couple years, it's so validating coming across this, a behaviour that's so similar to what mine was! I would be interacting with things for a 'valid reason', but had so much energy to stim out from masking all the time that I broke handles off things, doors, bit through a glass one time. I'm still really needing to learn how to stim enough in ways that are healthy & natural for me, I constantly get migraines from masking & not stimming beyond learned socially acceptable stuff like nail biting

[@Unimaginative.Moniker]

I learned this week that I'm on the spectrum after believing I was schizo-affective since 2007. .. and OCD and a mood disorder. I knew in my heart that that wasn't right. Now sooo much about me finally is making sense. Now I understand why I sway or pull on my own arm (sometimes to the a point that is detrimentintal to my health). Your videos are an amazing tool. And I've only seen 4 so far! I can't wait to learn more. Ty ty ty❤

[@elyjhaannewolfe833]

I did this as a kid. I know I’m on the spectrum but I didn’t know this was a spectrum thing.

[@lyndahendricks7084]

This makes so much sense now! Thank you for sharing!

[@danablack3001]

YES!!!! TOTALLY AGREE!!!!

[@kariannefimland1475]

Thank you for highlighting this. 💖

[@schoki1236]

I'm not sure if I am autistic (still in assesment for it) but I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I am quite certain that at least one of my sisters has it too. When I think about all the "weird" or "quirky" stuff we did as kids I sometimes wonder how the adults in our lifes never thought about neurodivergence. Thank you so much for giving visibility to the hidden struggles of neurodivergent children. Masking can be really powerful and destructive at the same time. I just started unlearning my masking behaviours and I'm kind of griving the person I could have been if the adults in my life had the tools to support me better in my childhood.

[@doctorspaceman8137]

I can relate and you seem so cool! In this case I'm the quote-unquote high functioning one.

[@MinaWalker]

I’m not autistic (at least I don’t think I am) but I’m legally blind and considered “high functioning” although I hate the term, I’d rather be called disabled, but I digress. I have the same struggles when I ask for accessibility at school (I have an IEP but teachers in the past haven’t taken it too seriously) some people don’t believe be when I say I have a visual impairment because of how much I can do for myself, so thanks for this video, keep up the good work! ❤

[@seajelly2421]

Omg this sounds so much like my child. Are there workarounds? Like providing something to push and or step on?

[@xSwordLilyx]

My bf is higher functioning and recently he had a big meltdown which I didn't expect and had no idea what to do. He wasn't given any resources because he masks well and is smart. That is absolutely changing, I can't do that exact thing again (he was mean to me). We need to know what is going on. I have been going through a lot lately and I was crying the other day and he took me to see a movie. I had such a good time and I love him so much. I suppose I want know when I can expect that support.

[@butternutsquash6984]

I'm so glad there is more education about the subtleties of autism. It makes me sad and angry when i discover the adults i help have not been so well understood. I was a super masker and learned young how to shape myself to others. Im lucky to have coworkers who want clients to feel safe to be themselves and we do the same for eachother. Reassiring my autistic clients that they can just BE and not mask has made both our lives easier. They still mask some but it is much less and they seem so much more relaxed knowing, they can follow their own pace and style each day. Its magical what constant curiosity and low presure can bring out in a person!

[@catie5939]

I heard the term "high masking" to replace "high functioning" and i LOVE it. Also, i have broken many things as well. I feel that in my soul.

[@vanessaprestoncreative]

I wish I could be as open about the hidden challenges of parenting, but I don't feel 'allowed' to share my teen's dx and our challenges and experiences. I didn't know pushing down to self regulate was a thing, but now you mention it I see it clearly. Our pantry doors have miraculously survived 18 years of this pressure!

[@zoebowler5664]

All four of my children also have ASD they are all so sensitive to so many things and unfortunately they also trigger each other. On clicks, one is so sensitive to sound clicking sets off meltdowns… this is just one example. I wish there was somewhere I could go to get help. So I know how to support all their needs while keeping myself from meltdown 🤯

[@NormaJean951]

You could not have four kids you can’t handle. That would’ve been the best choice but you decided to do something stupid instead.

[@zoebowler5664]

@@NormaJean951 one comment made on a difficult day doesn’t give you any indication of who I am and if my children should be alive. Empathy and compassion are two things you should try and work on.

[@minezesfam]

I feel you. My son couldn't get an IEP at his school even though he was regularly requiring stays in psych units for aggressive behavior, because his "academics weren't effected enough", He did ok at school but lost it when he came home and could not regular. Luckily we found a private school for him that he is thriving at, but it's so hard because he masks pretty well around other people.

[@barbehogeland]

Wish I had known all this 50 years ago. We all survived but it would have been better for all of us. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

[@daniaawni5180]

I wish all parents were as understanding

[@angelagavin5098]

Me my whole life! 45 yr old not Dx. I have a lot of aspy s&s. I need quality door knobs, lol!...and quality socks! Curremyly exploring For me it feels like lack of awareness (best way can describe)of amount of strength using for any task. It takes a lot of effort/awareness to use less strength tired of shagging up taps

[@Jbatley1]

Thank you so much for all the work you do to spread information around our condition

[@passaggioalivello]

Thank you Tay.

[@wldncrzy1971]

Oh girl, PREACH! The strength they possess is wild! My youngest (I’m just going to say it, please don’t crucify me) is Aspie. The power when he’s having high anxiety is next level! Super handy when I’m doing dishes and can’t get the kids off my insulated coffee mugs…NOT useful when my furniture and housing structures suffer because of frustration or anger or “helping”…

[@jessiekittelson6398]

YES THANK YOU!!!!! Conversation I was just having with my husband.

[@TheCerealluvr]

Poor sweet boy. Feeling for and rooting for him ❤️‍🩹

[@rebekahbloom3005]

Hi I’m a 12 year old on the high side of the spectrum I just want to say thank you so much for being aware and spreading awareness

[@fatboyjack904]

I feel like your son but I've never had somebody like you to let me out put at the end of the day... I love you.

[@kaylabrown9264]

This is sooooo enlightening!!

[@wendyswenson4098]

Yes. My son is "higher functioning" as well. I told him to quit masking at school. He had a teacher yell back in his face last year and he is afraid to not mask. He hold his behaviors most of the day and let's it all out when he gets home. It is so hard for him. He is a kids who yells. So, he gets frustrated and yells at everyone.

[@NormaJean951]

Other people shouldn’t have to listening to your kid screaming in their faces. How do you not understand this?

[@zoebowler5664]

@@NormaJean951 other people shouldn’t have to listen to your bitter opinions

[@milothemoth]

Thank you!!! I mask and also suppress my Tourettes in school so I look like I’m doing well in classes even though it’s so stressful then I come home so exhausted, pass out most days, forget/can’t get my homework done, so it really confuses my teachers. But I’m realists I come home and spend most of the time having to regulate or literally getting tic attacks/ flare ups

[@Makeuploveculture]

Exactly!!! I’m dealing with this with my sons and his school and I’m at my breaking point

[@adamtobin8132]

You’re a great parent. I can truly identify with all this.

[@makichandes]

That was me only I was in boarding school and had to mask 24/7. I would melt down by myself in the bathroom and think I was broken. I would go home for a month in the winter and two months in the summer and get terribly sick. It was awful. 😢

[@Cove_Blue]

I got this pair of glasses I've wanted for years from online. I couldn't stop hyperfixating on how they fit my ears that I had broke both arms within a week. I literally couldn't stop myself even after I broke the first arm. I kept supergluing them back together till it wouldn't take anymore. Idk what was going on at the time but I took it out on my most favorite pair of glasses I've ever owned. That's when I started paying attention to how I self regulate and started to try and mask less. Still a work in progress but my current glasses have survived for months haha.

[@brimarie4196]

I wonder if a walking stick for around the home would help. Maybe with a widened cushion on the handle. Kind of like how people had pillow pet toppers for their crutches so they didn't hurt people's underarms. It might be safer for him (and the door knobs).

[@mixtape4041]

Ooh interesting! As a support professional, I will definitely keep this in mind.

[@robertairvin2310]

The American Psychological Association also does not like the terms "high functioning" and "low functioning" either, because it enforces stereotypes and doesn't take into account which domains someone needs support in (ex. people labeled "high functioning are often denied accommodations they need) and/or what they are capable of (ex. people labeled as "low functioning" are often denied opportunities they would actually be able to make use of).

[@thetruthaboutorgans]

You should try using a snappers fidget (the one with suction cups in the middle) for situations where he can't push down on something (like at school). I had a student with a similar stim and we directed him away from it when he started unintentionally hurting people (i.e. standing on toes) we use the snappers fidget instead. Everyone needs different things obvi, but stims that physically hurt others won't be easy to redirect as they get older

[@jaymeleonhard3764]

Yes! My daughter pushes down on things too, broke the cats lovely scratching tower. Now it’s a scratching stump.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

totally get it. My son recently pulled down on the towel rack in his bathroom and took it out of the wall :(

[@frankly1744]

What a gift this information, Thank You!!!

[@jessicamcomie4044]

Oh my gosh! Thank you! My son is "higher functioning" and teachers always said he was doing good enough.

[@TheChesireKat]

all behavior can be modified. and harmful behavior *SHOULD* be modified. i'm autistic diagnosed as an adult. i behaved better than most children growing up - according to teachers, sunday school, doctors, etc. your son shouldn't be stepping on anyone's toes bc it hurts people and he needs to know hurting others is not ok. you're setting him up for failure in the world because like it or not you can't shelter him his whole life. you're harming him, not helping. destruction of property isn't ok either. of course no one else understands it because it's not acceptable. autistic isn't permission to run amok and harm property and people.

[@kindnessisnotweakness532]

This spoke to me so deeply. I really do have doors on shelves and cabinet broken from my girls pushing down on them. School is a struggle and they need to come home and regulate

[@vickypresnell2458]

I got diagnosed young, but all the focus was on my sensory issues in my therapy. I didnt get any help with socialization, or executive dysfunction, or stimming in healthy ways. I didnt even know i was autistic until about 10 years after ny diagnosis. I was only told i had sensory issues. Everyone focused solely on those and just ignored everything else, and it made it much harder for me to cope with life and school.

[@d-bro-sector36]

Finally a random short worth seeing. Time to sub.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Welcome to the channel!

[@jahouser6273]

Your son is very lucky to have a family who understands all the quirks

[@SKOLAH]

Exactly. The masking all day bit.

[@cornishmaid9138]

You’re just plain brilliant ❤️

[@j.7881]

My little one repeats themselves to regulate, so after school its like a little record player on repeat♥️

[@lauraporter3434]

I teach & so wish schools would offer half days snd/or SMALL general ed classes- super frustrating to be unable to help kids with autism, especially at the end of the day...

[@laurenj432]

I’m so glad your son has an empathetic parent like you, I know too many parents who would make life miserable for a high sensory seeking child by punishing them for unintentionally breaking things.

[@ModernLifeisThrift]

My son (also autistic) does this to doors etc and I never considered something like that as a possible cause. I am going to ask him about it after seeing this. Thanks for this.

[@SailorYuki]

I have an AuDHD kid and boy is he a lot of work. Even if he is low maintanance. He also has speech and language issues so he has trouble communicating, which is difficult for outsiders to deal with. He can take up to a minute between words, meaning no one has the patience to listen. It also means he can't express his feelings, concerns or fears without getting angry and frustrated. It's so hearbreaking to see him cry because his ADD brain wants to do something his Autistic brain doesn't and he just doesn't know which side to listen to.

[@DistilledVoice]

Yessssssssss!!!!!!! Thanks for making this xxxxx❤

[@zynlove6867]

He is ao lucky to have you and your awareness of all this❤🎉😊

[@charleenrice6414]

So much this. My son is very similar and it has taken A LOT of communication and advocating to have his needs acknowledged and met at school. Things as simple as having easy access to snacks when he needs them and a water bottle at his desk. And even now, it's not always respected by all staff. Being autistic myself and not great at confrontational communication or advocating for my own needs makes the situation that much more interesting. 😕

[@Heyu7her3]

Ayana is HILARIOUS!!! 😂

[@alexismcmackin]

The amount of things destroyed and the property damage involved was the most costly to my mental health, on top of going undiagnosed I just had to accept my surroundings.