Very Really Good #85: Sperm Ghost

[@bridgetcole3273]

When I was 8 and in church, the priest said, “some day the world is gonna end, that’s obvious. We all know that” I did not know that. It scared me shitless

[@ur__mom]

The east knows this

[@skibbidihazel]

@@ur__mom y e s

[@ozmarichardson6524]

Fuck yes i got the 666th like on this! Good thing everyone knows that the world will end when I get the 666th like on exactly 666 comments

[@placeholderdoe]

To be fair, it is gonna end one day, or night I guess idk

[@averyalbertson7546]

Let’s play a game called - guess how high kurtis was in this video lol.

[@daniyaahsan7270]

On a scale of 1-10 I'd say 12

[@Elysiumexplorer]

Was he so

[@nizi0]

5'10

[@waitwaitwaitno3182]

wompampsupport.azureedge.net/fetchimage?siteId=7575&v=2&jpgQuality=100&width=700&url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.kym-cdn.com%2Fentries%2Ficons%2Ffacebook%2F000%2F031%2F727%2Fcover10.jpg

[@koifish8951]

I guess you could say he’s very really high am I right?

[@logofthelimalime]

as a transsexual i actually think kurtis is one of the best trans allies i’ve seen on here at least imo, don’t understand why people would imply transphobia :( kinda makes me sad too lol

[@carlyk9225]

ikr, kurtis is probably one of the most kind-hearted and open minded person in the world! :( i hate seeing people act like that towards him..

[@bellawherethehellhaveyoube3162]

we stan a queen

[@rebecamartinez1053]

I don’t know what you’ve been through or what you go through everyday but just remember that even if the hate might stand out a lot more than everything else, just know that there are a lot more people that will support and love you no matter what you choose to be ♥️

[@gaypikachu1999]

ayyyye me too

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@gaypikachu1999 ay bois we tran lol

[@Lovelybby24]

This man talked about everything yet nothing for 44 minutes.

[@mariiiuuuyyy]

when i was about 7 i had an irrational fear of having a shit because i thought all of my bones would fall out. makes sense.

[@ylanairias6255]

yes. I agree.

[@nianleei]

kurtis wishing he could be a kid ball for seven minutes

[@elvenbugs]

ik this is an old comment but ur pretty

[@Chokladaren]

That is the strangest thumbnail + title combination I have seen in quite a while

[@15dust90]

"When life's giving you a rough go, roll down a hill." - kurtboi conner, 2020

[@alisekutuzova516]

me listening to kurtis podcast: (: me: zones out for awhile and tunes back in kurtis: *speaking utter random nonsense* so ya i think a fork could run for president

[@brookerueter5875]

When I was a kid I was adamant that if you flushed the toilet, ghosts or demons or something would come out. So after I went PP, I would, in one fluid motion - flush, slam the toilet lid down turn the light off and literally book it down the hall running for my life. 2 fast for the toilet demons to catch

[@ruthkinyon4665]

OH MY GOD I literally did the SAME thing holy shit!

[@BrooklynHeadrick]

That is the funniest thing I’ve ever read omg

[@babycattails4684]

Me too holy shit🤢🤢 the toilet demons were so scary

[@silly.gr3mlin]

i FELT THIS OR BLOODY MARY WOULD COME IF I FLUSHED WHEN IT WAS DARK

[@laneylilac6103]

Bro me fucking too, but sometimes I would be so scared I wouldn’t even flush the toilet and my dad would yell at me for it💀💀💀

[@pinkrat1070]

i hung like 20 worm on a strings from my ceilings while listening to this

[@emilyholter6115]

A vibe

[@meganchambers8108]

Kurtis everyone knows time is Jeremy Bearimy.

[@victoriabishop4805]

Megan Chambers best comment ever

[@basicallyj3ss516]

We’re all just chilling out in the dot of the i

[@nokukunaka1953]

*“it was last day”* i’m gonna start saying that now

[@causeand3ff3ct]

YES

[@dahliablack3999]

Forgive me for being a noob but how to do make the font bold?

[@normiel7135]

Dahlia Black put asterisks next to the words like *this*

[@dahliablack3999]

*thank you*

[@kmrasmr3274]

*oh*

[@oliviakocsis1176]

When I was younger I had a bad habit of watching the Lorax every day before school, annoyed the shit outta my parents and eventually they got me to stop

[@mariiiuuuyyy]

Olivia Kocsis i watched this barbie princess movie almost every day and my dad only JUST told me that he burned the cd (yes i’m old ok)

[@13quizz]

flowmusic inc I read the Lorax as the Laxatives because I’m sleep deprived and got really confused for ten whole seconds before I reread it

[@allie7601]

@@13quizz had me laughing for nearly a whole minute

[@April_Vicious]

Before school???? That’s prob why

[@naomi8420]

why is ur podcast so underrated :(

[@dodie3412]

“we’re all dumb. we’re all insane.” -kurtis conner, 2020

[@daniyaahsan7270]

that'd justify people arriving at the airport screeching "meetup!"

[@alicelefae]

Today's existential crisis brought to you by KURTIS CONNER™

[@laurenkay8922]

this is probably very really dumb but when i was younger i used to always tell myself something was going to be horrible so then even if it was slightly good it was better then what i thought it would be. idk sounds destructive now lmao

[@florian5560]

Sameeeee

[@prageruwu69]

i've done that since i was like 9 and i still do it

[@faebyasu]

I know Kurtis does these podcasts high af. I just, I KNOW

[@sammiblume7233]

fr

[@gracewarne1190]

I’m not sure if this is a habit, but when I was a young child I thought my “feelings”/emotions were like in my ears. So when “people hurt my feelings” I would hold my ears👍

[@crycryyy8285]

aw😭

[@wightwolf7717]

It's fun to read the weird af title and guess the context. You'll always be wrong.

[@elizabethg9129]

When I was a kid I had thought about a couple random things and then they happened in real life so I decided that I must have a super power where everything I thought about would come true. I was so paranoid about what I would think about.

[@ezradactyl]

Coincidences that could have caused religions.mp4

[@casper2166]

omg saame turns out mine was anxiety lol

[@miad6160]

Girl that’s anxiety 🤣 I still struggle with it- even though I’m stable enough to know it’s not true

[@jake-bg1qp]

when I was younger I would play with a stool and pretend I was cooking cookies on it. the “cookies” were Disney princess dominos.

[@moonchild3370]

delicious

[@casper2166]

finally some good fucking food

[@ceristalagemma674]

When I started reading this I assumed another kind of stool...

[@jake-bg1qp]

@@ceristalagemma674 KSDJNVWRIUGHASKJCBS

[@KatieKian]

I definitely did that weird goal-setting as a child. Not so much anymore.

[@shelbustrak2179]

Late to the game here but: When I was a kid and we moved to our new house I was convinced there were monsters in the basement. (In my defense our basement was pretty creepy.) I decided that when I got to the entryway at the top of the stairs there was an invisible line that monsters couldn't get me when I crossed. Every time I was in the basement I would run upstairs and just stop once I crossed the line, nervously looking behind me, which was a Very Normal Thing To Do(TM) because monsters definitely are scared of lines that literal children imagine. Whenever I visit my parent's house now (as an adult with a literal retirement plan who pays taxes and does Adult Things) I still feel kind of relieved once I cross the line.

[@maddyklein2000]

I️ used to count my fingers every like 5-10 minutes as if I’d have one less or more than I️ did before

[@xaraxchnidx]

Had to put my dog down about half an hour ago and this cheered me up. Thanks kurtis my boi

[@phoenixknight5828]

🖤🖤🖤🥺🥺🥺 love to you stranger, I hope you’re doing okay ♥️♥️♥️

[@toomanymarens]

I wanna give you the biggest internet hug rn ❤❤❤

[@gh0stlyjack707]

I'm late but lots of love!!! )-:

[@weedlechu]

I’m even later than the person above me but I hope you’re doing ok.. 🥺😔

[@juno8755]

i'm somehow EVEN later than person above but am sending love. 💞

[@tayo392]

DUDE i do those little mind challenges too! I feel so crazy whenever I have those thoughts bc they never correlate lol

[@kaylanh]

same

[@victoriaclark1448]

Dude they used to have the roll boy prop in the uhhhh gross ass planet Hollywood restaurant thing in Vegas?? it looks SO WEIRDDD

[@prickleshatespickles8372]

i used to give myself time challenges. Like: I have to buckle my seat belt in 3...2...1... And when I failed (most of the time), I would get extremely and unreasonable angry at myself. And then i would be in a bad mood for, like, 20 minutes. When I discovered I could just not do those challenges, I was way less angry. Though, I still had the worst little brother (still do) so I was always ready to punch someone.

[@fluttervixen]

Haha, I do that all the time, it's so fuckin weird

[@hexreyes0]

sure kurtis you put your gum over your teeth but did you put your gum wrapper over your teeth to make a grill ??

[@siennaxraine]

as a child, i too was scared of the world ending. like it was a fear that lived inside me for years and i cried cause i thought in 2012 we were gonna die.

[@haikyuunerd2955]

Weird things I do/did: Color coordinate how I eat Skittles I killed a fish on purpose when I was 2 Scream about the moon Lay in the bathtub, fully clothed, no water Pretend to not like girls

[@kingexplosionmurderfuckoff9376]

Me too

[@EELClove98]

"I'm going to these places" no ur not

[@phantomismad2751]

U should work with adult swim bruh

[@lukewarmgrass9236]

I had a thing with the goal setting, but it would be like "if this happens, then this is true" like "if my crush wears a green shirt tomorrow, they like me back"

[@trollololol4601]

When he said sphere factor I thought he meant X factor but exclusively for sphere shaped people

[@alychanel2301]

Hot tip: if you go to the municipal courthouse you can usually get a ticket reduction if you plead guilty and ask to speak to a crown prosecutor (at least in Canada), only takes an hour or so

[@lotteweverling4497]

VRG seems more like it is short for virgin, or is it just me...

[@diamondsprince]

Maybe... Have _you_ been deflowered yet?

[@ezradactyl]

Mighta been on purpose 🤷‍♂️

[@mothboy420]

@@diamondsprince YXRGNYUN WHAT

[@kennyd8130]

Honestly all of those habits just remind me of what me and my other friends who had ADHD would do lol

[@gabb5]

Me watching this 5 months later: Kurtis has a mullet now 👁👄👁

[@ratcanine4053]

12:06 yes I also have ✨intrusive thoughts✨

[@abaumgartner3552]

i had so many weird habits as a kid but when i was like 7 i used to hum and jerk my knees like this dance move i saw on tv and if i didnt hum and jerk my knees twice i told myself id be cursed lmao

[@herb_rolls]

wow this really triggered my death anxiety but it's good to know you also have these thoughts ahh

[@nadiakeaton5680]

dude i used to do those challenges too omg. i didnt do it often but sometimes i wud

[@emilyann5928]

fighting the urge to spend all my money on a plane ticket home to saint louis for the show like i did for the danny/drew tour

[@deedeexYT]

Hey Kurtis. So thankful for this podcast. I play it when I'm trying to sleep but you always crack some dumb joke and I end up cracking up. This deserves more clout byeee

[@ranaemusic]

you talking about Hook brought back some repressed childhood memories

[@hollymccann3830]

I don’t think there’s been one podcast that you haven’t spoken about shit in at some point.

[@Iamaperson590]

When I was a kid I would chew on my tongue by sticking it like halfway out of my mouth and one day in sixth grade this kid said “ew, don’t do that! It’s gross” and I was shocked bc I didn’t realize people noticed. I also bit my lip to the point where it bled and one of my friends asked me if I did it to get out of school and I was so confused ig I thought it was normal. I was obsessed with biting my lip for some reason tho. (CW: sh for the next sentence) I felt like I had to do it so bad that one time I got a knife and cut it open. That was fun.

[@desfleursbymadi]

Why am I comforted by Kurtis saying that we’re all insane

[@ratcanine4053]

I also do the task thing lol

[@causeand3ff3ct]

Been waiting for this upload... But sperm ghost? Well, never saw that one coming 👻 Good luck with the tour bro bro. Somehow, if you ever come to South Africa, I'd be down to catch a shoe for sure 🤟

[@causeand3ff3ct]

Catch a show. Not a shoe. Don't throw shoes, folks

[@neptunechrome]

i eat shoes

[@maudebernard5294]

When he becomes emotional because of what other people think of him...🥺😢

[@unenthusedseal8474]

me watching this after kurtis said he did the tooth thing like 👁🦷🦷👁

[@chazburgxk1228]

I don't know if you'll see this,but anyone who watches your content knows it's not done maliciously. We goof here on the internet and all citizens of Kurtis town know what's up. Keep your head up 🤙

[@stevemurphy3730]

The uhh... little challenges in your head... Yeah I did that too 😂

[@teaganriley21]

When you stated talking about the police thing there were sirens outside lol

[@laylastout]

bruh i would do those little challenges you talked about except it turned from oh something good will happen tomorrow if you do this little thing to your family will die tomorrow if you don't step on every crack or count what you do in threes. this ocd specialist i used to see told me that these ocd patterns are rly common in kids, but most people's aren't that bad and usually fade away as they get older. the brain is a weird thing

[@heyimamoonchild4636]

You're always all over the place, but in this one you're ALLLLL over the place

[@deathrays]

What's with the jank background Squirtis?

[@sashaelisemusic]

I peed in the corner of my bedroom in the carpet from ages of 2-6

[@seraphinamoon357]

I have mild autism, so some of my habits probably seem very strange to some people. When I'm happy, I've noticed I make a stupid ass popping noise with my lips like a baby, which probably annoys the HELL out of the people I'm around lmfao.

[@sashay4330]

Midwest tour and you're going NOWHERE NEAR WISCONSIN... I am an unsatisfied citizen of Kurtistown 💔

[@shadowcultist]

he's going nowhere near anyone now lmao

[@angel-gu8co]

if u turned comment sections into an entire social media it would just be twitter

[@susanreimer4801]

I used to eat cigarette ashes as a kid (because I'm a degenerate) and I would get in trouble for it but I would swear I didn't lick out the ashtrays meanwhile I'd have black ash all over my face....doesnt get much more weird or disgusting than that

[@fallonbf3668]

my gym teacher called the box she kept extra tampons and pads for students in the cookie jar so if you needed one during class you would just ask for a cookie.... one of the male gym teachers didn’t know and he was so concerned why a kid was asking to go get a cookie in the locker room

[@lucydell5398]

I had a weird thing where every time I microwaved something I would try to stop it like exactly when the timer went off so that it would make no sound or as little as possible but if I stopped it too soon and it just paused the timer I lost ?? sorta like blackjack where you get as close to 21 as possible but you can’t go over idk kids are weird

[@bekah13]

we once had a 7 am flight, so we left at 5 am cus we had to drive to oakland first to go the airport. first my mom was taking forever to get in the car, and then when we got to the ticket desk only my brothers tickets were “valid” but we couldn’t leave them together because they’d just fight. we had to rush back to the ticket desk and of course my brother walks 0.00001 mph so it took foooooooorever to get them, and then of course our gate was across the airport and we had to rush their with my slow ass brother who of course was wearing flip flops, and then we got to the gate at like 6:55 and we got on the plane right before it was supposed to go off.

[@keirarheinheimer1739]

well you have your mullet now are you happy

[@ezradactyl]

Dude I used to do that face thing too, exessively, except I would also make the bottom lip fat, I must've looked really dumb, when I realized people noticed I would cover my face and do it compulsively... Shit sometimes I still do...

[@angieniver3132]

i absolutely did make those challenges but the consequence for failing would be death

[@dahliablack3999]

I will forgive you for calling Nashville the Midwest and see you for my birthday in April 🤠

[@someguy6940]

i did the challenge thing but on a larger scale. i would put my life on the line. i didnt even mean to think of the challenges. i just said them in my head and freaked out not wanting tp know what would happen if i didnt do them. so i wouldn't breathe until the light turned green or something or else i would DIE

[@charbinkers]

yeah you got that yummy yum

[@evalinebledsoe3843]

Hi kurt

[@bobbysaunders7775]

I used to do the challenge thing too! I thought I was the only one!😂😂

[@TheXxjackchopxX]

Kurtis you're fucking amazing - you're absolutely hilarious and always mindful and inclusive on your platform and in your work. Comedy is a field that can be touchy for a lot of marginalized folks who have been the butt of cruel jokes that reinforce negative attitudes towards us. As a person who holds marginalized identities and loves comedy as an art form, I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your allyship which is persistently visible and never feels performative. Misunderstandings happen but please know that so many of us recognize your intentions and that what you're doing is ultimately uplifting and impactful

[@eislehugo]

It’s easier for me to whistle blowing in, not out

[@SeanRahl]

I can't wait until you can tour again and I can go to my first one!

[@bistestander]

Lol I wonder how many of these shows he actually got to go to

[@el-is-odd]

Peepee poopoo I shoulda watched these as they were released

[@albent4604]

kurtis predicted 2020 with the mullet thing

[@clairee8189]

I just realized you went on tour where I live 😔

[@emanshayeb2105]

"it was last... day"

[@angelique_cs]

I couldn't get SF tickets this time around, but hope the shows were good and Kurtistown came to rep!

[@Jules-fm3hw]

I’ve been going back and watching these since I just meandered over here from the main channel, and every time he does promo for his March/April tour dates I feel so bad and wanna send telepathic messages warning him about the plague that’s coming lol

[@olivia-bw5pb]

petition to start calling all youtubers "internet people"

[@bistestander]

I'm so glad to have found someone else who thinks time isn't linear.

[@maggiesaunders9713]

the title scares me but I clicked it

[@katladragen]

Rufio was my sexual awakening 🥰

[@matchup5472]

A24 are so good, Have you seen The Lighthouse yet? They shot it here in Nova Scotia!

[@kassk.922]

21:11 thank you for the nightmares kurtis.

[@awhorable]

12:00 YES i did this all the time as a kid, and still today (to a lesser degree) and I personally think it's an OCD thing.

[@moiralees2054]

Why did Kurtis call stairs "a little hill"?

[@biffydonk2539]

kirtis coner 😁👍

[@amirikazi5005]

13:28 ngl I did this too when I was a kid

[@lucyisabelturner]

I think you’ll find 2003 Jeremy Sumpter Peter Pan is the best :(

[@wannabe8615]

20th view I am Edit: I should be doing my accounting homework but this is more important Edit edit:I can't successfully do 2 things at once

[@leahquintana4329]

i would do the lip thing too but ESPECIALLY when eating grapes, i’d eat half of the grape and put the rest in my upper lip and do the lip thing so i looked like a squirrel ??? simpler times man