Walked Out Of Job Interview After Realizing One Of The Interviewers Was Rude To Me r/AITA

[@cocoplayax]

Omg, and I’m just about to make waffles too.🙀 Great timing! It’s waffle time!

[@MarkNarrations]

I approve of this message!

[@Mewse1203]

I literally just made my wife Waffles. I saw starting them and saw the video 😂

[@jessicapalmer3455]

My waffle iron broke, so for my son's lunch, I made him pancakes! Similar?

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Nice

[@alicialouv2218]

@@jessicapalmer3455 what are pancakes but smooth waffles? 🙂

[@Darwinsmom]

Story 1: OP didn't just dodge a bullet, she dodged a Howitzer shell! Hiring teams too often forget THEY (the company) are being interviewed by a potential hire too. Run, don't walk when you see red flags, and NOPE outta there!

[@LS-bb9qh]

Telling his kids he's getting married while they meet to spread their moms ashes.. I would've not remained calm.

[@pinkfire2344]

Nor I. Either this man is so deep in grief he's lost the ability to think straight, or he actually never cared about his wife at all. People take months, even years, off of dating after just a long term relationship ending...much less a marriage that ended in the death of your spouse. Even if HIS decision was based in the desperation of grief...what's her excuse?! How can her intensions be pure if she doesn't see any red flags in a man wanting to immediately get married again after the death of his wife? His bed was barely cold. Seems like if she didn't already have confidence in her position within the relationship she never would have been so eager to race to the altar.

[@janet6421]

@@pinkfire2344 I would say stage an intervention. This is obviously not a healthy relationship and I think she is taking advantage.

[@pinkfire2344]

@@janet6421 Honestly, I'm still not convinced it's just taking advantage. He is either in need of some serious grief counseling...or he's been waiting to move this woman in for some time. First thing I would do is hire a private detective and find out just when little miss "old flame" reappeared in his life, and go from there. If first contact really was after death, then he is definitely being taken advantage of. If it was before...then he's just a schmuck and you're free to tell him as much.

[@LS-bb9qh]

@@pinkfire2344 agreed something id fishy and he likely started at least "catching up" with her before his wife died. Not sure if intervention would work if the dudes mom and sister don't see any issue with his actions. Feel so bad for those kids. Having to hear about getting a step mom as they were carrying their moms ashes... Such disrespect.. he couldn't really a day? Feels like his fiance is pushing him to install her as matriarch asap.

[@fate_clotho9596]

@L S My ex-BIL, my ex-husband's brother, basically did this. His wife and I were THE CLOSEST friends. I as closer to her than my own blood sisters, and she felt the same about me. She died on 7/4/2000 from a grand mal seizure. The DAY we buried her, in front of his daughters even, he said he was going to start dating again, immediately. He was married again in less than two months. I lost ALL respect for him. Rinn, my BFF/SIL who had died, had suspected he'd been cheating on her, too. For well over a year.

[@4NeonFun]

Interview story: Call someone a stupid B on the way in is less than professional and doesn't look good for the company. Companies are smug with their leverage because they think that potential colleagues are desperate and that hiring them is among the largest favours they can provide someone. On the other hand someone may need a job and take whatever they can get. This power dynamic is real and for more honest interviewing for the best fit for a team these dynamics need to change.

[@Russman67]

Can we all just take a moment and appreciate how happy Mark seems to be now that he's moved into this full time?

[@AngelaMerici12]

Wait! He is full time now??

[@mctcurious]

I didn’t know...congratulations, Mark!!!

[@heathermiller5765]

I didn’t either. He seems pretty upbeat most of the time as it is so I never would’ve known. Congrats Mark if you see this! 🥰

[@Neighbor-assistantYN]

The son who is willing to care for his sister when she is hurting is both a blessing and relief. When he gets older, he'd be a great husband and father if he chooses that life. Hopefully the daughter will have that ease. I had endometriosis a few years after a uterine ablation and I was 3 weeks of pain. After birth control it eased up greatly, hopefully she is just as lucky.

[@robertx8020]

True ..btw the grandsfather is the 'weak' one

[@rachelfox8108]

Story 1-- I work in recruitment (I won't say where) and OP handled that perfectly well. She was absolutely right, NTA. I wish I had more applicants like her to deal with in my day-to-day (and fewer difficult managers like the screamer...).

[@adamwilliams4928]

Last Story: Wow, that's the first time I've ever seen an OP update there post, arbitrarily deciding they're NTA XD

[@groofromtheup5719]

The fact she just declares herself NTA is definitely a window into her AHly thinking, Definitely the AH. What he didn't take my vague hints? I'm going to scream like a banshee.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Mostly cause that's against the rules of the sub reddit lol

[@Russman67]

Story 2: okay so two weeks after his wife dies, dad announces that he's ready to date again. I don't know about anybody else reading this but sounds to me like dude checked out a while before. And for him to slide on into his high school sweethearts life that quick, well all I can say is is not just the new girlfriend that had sketchy ideas here. Not the asshole.

[@unluckypuppy13]

My mom helped a widower out setting up the funeral and he hit on her. At his wife's funeral.

[@Russman67]

@@unluckypuppy13 Wow. Just wow.

[@judyjohnson9610]

@@unluckypuppy13 from the many stories I have seen, men have much more difficulties being on their own. And probably not because they might not be familiar with the cooking and cleaning chores. Us women are like "now I only have to please myself"

[@unluckypuppy13]

@@judyjohnson9610 I think you nailed it honestly lol.

[@AngelaMerici12]

That's exactly how it sounds!

[@LadyPinkmonsta]

LOL that last one. "I have determined that I am NTA" 😂😂 People with zero life experience who think they know everything are the worst.

[@JHazard1000]

I agree with her tho about NTA. I have had co workers like this not the videos part but the breath part. Why are the people that feel they are entitled to be inchs from your face are the same ones who breath smells like a skunks wet fart.

[@videofan1010]

@@JHazard1000 I agree with you that the OP is entitled not to be bothered at work. She's getting flamed for coming off so nasty both to her coworkers and the commentors.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

@@JHazard1000 If she calmy talked to Dave about this issue then she would be NTA. You can't just not go days without talking about an issue then explode at someone, that's not professional

[@samakiraroyjanssen6326]

@@browhattheactualfu-2659 neither is following someone every day to show them a youtube video while breathing in their face.

[@tsoakura174]

@@browhattheactualfu-2659 I’ve been there when one person keeps bothering you and is all up in your space and you have given them every hint possible to let them know that you are not interested in listening to them, and when you finally tell them in a nice way what’s happening they still get their feeling hurt and everyone else thinks you’re a bitch for not continuing to spend time with them

[@cocoplayax]

I’m so proud of that dad on story 3 for encouraging their hobbies and listening to their pain too. And on top of that he had the backbone to tell his parents off when they crossed the line. It’s not very common to see that!!

[@browniewin4121]

1) Aggressive driver wasn't the only sexist AH there. Good for you nopeing out on that toxic work environment. NTA, you behave very professionally.

[@wombat4583]

I don't understand how any of this is sexist. The one guy was an AH for tailgating and cussing, of course, but that's not sexist.

[@darkmask5933]

@@wombat4583 OP might have been taking it too personally, but the driver called OP a "dumb bitch", granted the driver could have said that to a man as well.

[@slimecorn]

The fact that the manager just waved off his employee cussing out people on the road is a red flag. Also you kinda have to have some personality issues cussing out people on the road for no reason, so other guy is probably a PITA to work with at best.

[@joanwinters5647]

​@@slimecorn he didnt cuss out for no reason she admitted she was driving slow if you cant drive properly maybe you shouldnt have a license. just as you shouldnt go over the speed limit you also shouldnt be under it

[@Mariet31]

What do you expect from an Audi/Mercedes driver? Do you think they buy those cars to ve humble to women? They literally buy those car to attract goldigging women.

[@manuelromero8837]

That last OP was delusional. That guy wasn't a mindreader. You can't blow up at someone if you've never set boundaries before. All they see is themselves being friendly and some a-hole blowing up at them

[@precious_toebeans]

I'm SO SPLIT on that last one. I've experienced workplace harassment and men (and women) who think themselves entitled to your time and personal space are infuriating like no other. But there were so many steps that could have been taken before blowing up at him. Sounds to me like that OP thinks of themselves as a wholly nice person, which may be true, but their method of communicating makes them sound mean, judgy, petty and aggressive.

[@Tanjaaraus]

This. She said she had dropped a lot of hints, but many people just don't pick up on hints. So instead of hinting and then exploding, she should have said to him nicely -but pluntly "hey, I understand you want to be friendly, but I do not enjoy being showed videos and would like you to stop that. I am here to work, not watch youtube". And if he tried somethiing else then a "I understand you want to be social, but we are coworkers not friends. Please keep things proffesional only". if that didn't get the point across then HR or maybe some more public shaming. yes it's incredible creepy and uncomfortable to have another grown person follow you around (especially a man who follows a woman, due to size and strenght difference). But that girl in the story really have a lot of maturing and growing up to do if she thought she handled the situation correctly. If it was me giving a judgement it would have been and ESH. She for going from 0-100 on him. and him for being in his 40's and still not having decent comping mechanisms. I am super biased here, but I am autisic woman and I hate how as women we are supposed to make checklists and adapt and mimic so we fit in. but guys with autism just gets excused and are never held accountable for their behaviour, when they are just as capable of learning some societal rules and norms.

[@justaperson4656]

Homestly, I wouldn't even class it as harassment, she said he shows her 1-3 videos per week, so he talks to her maybe once every other day? She didn't ask him to stop, she didn't make it clear that she was uncomfortable, and she blew up because he talked to her once every other day

[@funwithcoding2818]

Also the audacity to give herself her own rating and tell the thread to pound sand is just insane

[@daniellediller5070]

NTA there is Nothing wrong with Marcus being nurturing and caring. We need to encourage men to have this mentality being motherly is hecka manly.

[@judyjohnson9610]

Didn't the grandparents say he wouldn't get a wife? Any girls who find out how he takes care of his sister will be lining up

[@maleandrolemale9467]

Totally agree!

[@SaphireSalvatore940]

Story 1: absolutely best way to deal with that situation taking zero BS from the get go! Shame on both Audi driver and top Manager!

[@BronzeDragon133]

Exactly. Either side may end an interview when they're no longer interested. In her case, she's definitely no longer interested for an extremely valid reason. If I'd been the manager, that would have been of great interest to me!

[@marissab4730]

I disagree , my sister has major road rage , once followed taxi honking calling idiot cuting her off for 5mins , 5 mins is long time while driving Once at work ppl always say she shy and sweet .. they haven’t seen on the roads

[@smapa1185]

@@marissab4730 She needs therapy, then. That's NOT normal.

[@marissab4730]

@@smapa1185 yes it is! U do not where I live and environment or tension it is normal in a lot of places

[@e.w9641]

Story one, I always tell (younger) people that job interviews are just as much for you as for the job. It's only smart for you to see if the company is a fit for you always have every right to say no. I once declined a job after being offered it on the spot, because I would work the kids section and i don't like kids lol.

[@amilikestea433]

"I asked for everyone's opinion but since it's not the one I wanted everyone is wrong" And on top of that OP doubles down and tries to play the woman in a corporate world just doing her best card. "Well he didn't notice my(probably) vague hints so I had to scream at him."

[@annaorbanes5070]

#2 Widower announces his upcoming wedding on the same day he spread his dead wife’s ashes! Seems a bit insensitive to his children. And his wife’s memory.

[@swiftstorm661]

Story 5: YTA. The co-worker wasn't being a 'nice guy' and his actions weren't good or okay, but and I feel like this shouldn't need to be said: DROPPING HINTS DOES NOT WORK. BEING A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PRICK DOES NOT WORK. Its unprofessional to be passive aggressive, its unprofessional to blow up at a person. You know what is professional? Telling the person DIRECTLY what they're doing thats making you uncomfortable or unhappy, or if thats too uncomfortable/dangerous in your eyes go to HR. Then if the co-worker doesn't stop you raise the issue to a higher up. This isn't highschool anymore, 'dropping hints' isn't an excuse for being an a-hole, you need to act like an adult and actually deal with situations as such.

[@maxrobertson2834]

Ikr? I can’t read social cues or pick up hints. Be gentle but up front like “hey it’s really cool that you are into KZbin, but I can’t watch them during work, but…” and come up with a compromise at most or something

[@starwarriorterra8373]

The big thing that stuck out to me is that while he was obsessive in his acts (which seems to validate the point that he might be dealing with some mental disorder), everything OP said seems to still imply that he's just trying to be friendly and find a way to connect, even if it isn't in the right way. And if he's not being told "no" directly and missing her supposed "clear hints" (the only true clear hint that you don't want something is that small, two-letter word, by the way), why would he feel a need to change how he's been approaching her?

[@ladyv5655]

Some people are unable to be alone and need therapy for it. A few years ago when I was single, I met a man who was a widower on a dating site. During our first (and last) phone conversation, I asked how long ago his wife had passed. Three weeks. He explained that she had advised him to remarry after her death as he needed someone to look after him. It just felt really weird to me and that if I dated him he and his kids would see me as little more than a replacement. I noped out of there after a little while. I have no doubt he was successful in finding a wife very quickly, though, as I figured that anybody would have done for him.

[@unluckypuppy13]

My mom is a widow and likes to help out other people that have lost their spouse. She helped a guy set up a small covid friendly funeral at his house. And he started to hit on her. At his wife's funeral.

[@KittenUndercover]

Your mom sounds like a wonderful person. Don’t be too hard on the guy - grief can make people do bizarre things. If he persists though..that would make him a creep.

[@unluckypuppy13]

@@KittenUndercover she actually gave him several more shots because she's terrible with boundaries lol She ended up having to block him after a couple of weeks.

[@KittenUndercover]

@@unluckypuppy13 ehhhh ok..that’s less of a pass in my book. Your mom still sounds like an amazing woman though!

[@ActivistVictor]

Story 3: love how they parents are like ‘you wouldn’t care if we got sick’ when they clearly could care less maria is sick. Really wish OP would have told the to ‘suck it up’ like they had, or just suck it in general

[@ceciliajacobs5346]

I was at an interview once, after the questioning, I was asked to follow the woman. WE walked down some stairs to a dimly lit room with a table and a chair. On the table was paper and a pen. The woman said to write an essay on why I wanted the job and how I would handle certain situations that might arise ( it was a day facility for special needs clients). The woman left and closed the door. I opened the door and all was quiet, I NOPED right out of there. I had not seen any one else in the building, but this woman. CREEPY.

[@captainclown2718]

In story 5 I disagree with OP for turning this in a "I am a woman and men feel entiteld to out time" thing. The guy sounds annoying but not malicous. Nothing in OPs description made it sound this was a sexist thing the guy propably would do the same thing if OP was a guy. Instead she turned it around and went at the people telling her that she was TA by claiming they were propably in his position before. That alone tells me even without considering the actual Story that she is TA.

[@rai1578]

I agree. As someone who has not been in the guys position, and has in fact been in OP's position, I was astounded by "you probably just think I'm the Ahole because you've been in his position". Talk about being in denial! And the issue of many men feeling entitled to women's time is a real one, but this isn't one of those situations. It comes off as using feminism as an excuse to ignore your own poor behavior.

[@pallydan893]

I'm a dude and I have been in this situation with at least two different people, both confirmed to be on different ends of the autism spectrum. I just grin and bear it because I know they just want to share their interests with me.

[@Layla-tg2qe]

I'm just pissed she had the audacity to say, "To say such and such is insulting to everyone woman who has every experienced workplace harassment." The guy was annoying, sure, she's totally allowed to think that, but to imply that what he did was workplace harassment... THAT in itself is insulting every woman who every experience workplace harassment, ironically.

[@funwithcoding2818]

@@pallydan893 or at least directly and clearly communicate that you don’t want to be bothered on the clock

[@cleopatraonlyfans]

@@pallydan893 autistic people don’t need to be wrapped in cotton wool. Do you realise how embarrassing it is for us when we think we’ve become friends with you only to realise you’ve been humouring us for an entire year or more because you think we’re too different to understand no Autistics need firm clear boundaries and honestly it’s pretty insulting to insinuate that we can’t help but harass other people. It’s actually really fking bad for our social development to treat us like children. The coworker fucked around and found out and even if he was autistic (pretty freakin uncool for y’all to assume anyone who makes others uncomfortable is autistic btw, wow) we’re a lot better than neurotypicals at handling outbursts like OP’s because obv we know how it feels to burst from the social pressure and break down. Story 5 coworker is a self centred sexist douchebag and I actually can’t believe how much hate op got when this man twice her age would corner her in her cubicle every fucking day and nobody did anything about it. How was she supposed to know if she’d even be supported if she set boundaries calmly.

[@justaruz1559]

Commenting on the last story here, she is absolutely the AH. The man was clearly on the spectrum, and yelling at him without any other attempts at communicating her feelings was fucked up. My heart goes out to him and I hope he's okay. Source: most of my family in my house is on the spectrum, me included.

[@nerdy_evy]

I know work with somebody on the spectrum and do they talk to me a lot of the time about stuff I have no interest in? Yes they do but I’m not going to tell them hey I’m not interested! No! He’s just trying to talk to me about his interests and has nothing to do with gender. So I try to figure out if there’s something that me and him have in common and are a part of his interest and talk about that because that would feel like I’m a part of the conversation and it really pisses me off when I see people get so upset at him because we were in to customer service job in the amount of people I see who are incredibly rude to him pisses me off to such an extreme. Even yesterday it was so busy at work and he had to set this thing up for this person but the person said they were going to move to a different spot so we were waiting to see but apparently they change their mind and decided to stay where they were but then didn’t come and tell him and then got angry at him when he didn’t swap it over because he had no idea. It literally cost him to run into the back room and hide because the person was being so incredibly rude. I just wanted to yell at that person so much that are they proud now that they’ve just insulted a person on the spectrum? Did that make their day? Did that makes him feel any bigger of a man they already are?

[@dillonpickle6548]

@@nerdy_evy Poor Dude! He deserves better, I’m sure he is happy you are there for him! :) But a side note. Use a period lmao.

[@justaruz1559]

@@nerdy_evy You are a blessing thank you so much for being there for him!

[@nerdy_evy]

@@dillonpickle6548 yeah I use voice to text a lot 😅

[@CatsOverBrats]

I got endometriosis. The pain in insane. It feels like having my uterus scraped out with a rusty spoon - sometimes for many hours without stop. It's not something you can just suck up.

[@sabrina21797]

Last OP is the AH for how she chose to express her boundary. There were plenty of [nice] ways of getting him to leave her alone -- she doesn't mention in her post if she took any other steps to let her coworker know that his interruptions to her time were unwanted other than "hints" and then blowing up at him publically. Perhaps she did give him legitimate hints but since she didn't indicate what those hints were and seems well aware that coworker can't pick up on social cues, she should've been more direct without having a "meltdown" at him. Last OP clearly made her post for validation, not because she actually thought she may be wrong. Her comments about him -- going off on a tangent about how he's hit a glass ceiling because of his incompetence, his smelly breath, etc. -- just further solidifies that to me. She's entitled to feel that way about him, but her adding that to the post just makes it seem like she's ranting about him and thinking that the way she paints him negatively will further sway people to her side. Her last edit determining that she was not the AH because none of the posters "gave her no convincing reasons", as if it's reddit's job to PERSUADE and ARGUE posters into believing the verdict is just telling. The fact that she uses harassment in the workplace and people not knowing how that feels is also kinda icky to me. Coworker is bothering her and seems to be unaware of social boundaries for sure, but she seems so quick to label it workplace harassment based off of him merely being an older male. Nothing in her post makes me think he targeted her in particular for being a woman, and the coworker clearly didn't know he was bothering her until OP's meltdown.

[@15oClock]

1. Funny how they wanna blame OP and not the screamer. I can see the toilet the company's going down. 2. Less than half a year and he wants to marry another woman? Get him into therapy before a wedding! 3. Marcus and Maria are who they, by choice or otherwise. If the grandparents won't even show respect, bye! 4. If it's not a big deal, why did no one tell him for years!? Good god, how warped is OP's priorities? 5. You start with civility, then escalate if they won't stop. At least the coworker might have a disorder; what's OP's excuse?

[@darkmask5933]

Story 5: I mean, in a perfect world it shouldn't matter if OP was a man or a woman, if OP being a woman would have magically made the verdict NTA for OP standing up for herself, are we saying if OP was a man they should have to put up with being harassed by someone they don't want to interact with because the guy was "just being nice and might be disabled"?

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

She literally said in the opening 19f That means she’s 19 and a female. Welcome to Reddit

[@judyjohnson9610]

@@tabathaalshalhoub1653 ahhh...no wonder that she was shy about speaking up

[@15oClock]

@@tabathaalshalhoub1653 Missed that.

[@Tiana_atr]

For #4, maybe its just me, but I don't go around telling people, especially family about my sexual history. Nobody told him because its not exactly a topic discussed among family and is irrelevant as they're no longer involved. Maybe I'm the weird one but I find its a weird hangup about people's previous sexual history. If its not ongoing and they don't have any STIs, than does it really matter who they've slept with? Just think how incredibly weird and awkward that conversation would be "Hey bro, I just want you to know that I've previously f*cked your currebt girlfriend over and over for 3 years. Don't worry though, we're not doing it anymore". Its weird and nothing good would come of bringing it up

[@andreaallgood6117]

Story 5: YTA. "Dropping hints" is not the same as clear, professional boundary setting. And the edit proclamating yourself NTA smacks of stubborn refusal to see your own mistakes. I HAVE been in similar situations, and I can say that dropping hints and hoping the other person can read your mind is generally an ineffective way to resolve such a situation. "Coworker, I don't want to watch any non-work videos at work, please" would likely have worked. But even if it didn't, one is NEVER justified in flying off the handle and having a temper tantrum at work. There are other avenues to resolve conflicts. Take this as a lesson. Learn from it and grow.

[@charlottefurer9978]

I can understand why she freaked out though. It must be such a burden to be bothered every day. If I imagine myself in her scenario I get instant shivers.

[@neonoir__]

It's like she posted that for some sort of approval to be a wanker to the coworker and when it backfired and reddit said that she was being an asshole, she tried to backtrack. The point of this subreddit is to get outside opinions when you don't know if you are being dickish, not approval to be dickish. You don't get to say that the comments are all wrong and you're in the right

[@egalitarian2207]

@@neonoir__ well, I think she also has some legitimate points about being a woman in the work place, and everyone calling her an asshole probably makes her feel delegitimized, so I can imagine why she would be defensive. But she does need to learn from this experience and create a better sense of her own boundaries. It is a YTA, but I think it could verge on ESH/NAH because we all need to learn how to create boundaries vs boiling up and unexpectedly exploding at someone

[@groofromtheup5719]

When you assume friendly, nonsexual conversation is proof of the guy being sexist, you are the sexist one.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@charlottefurer9978 how about clearly telling the guy you don't want to see the videos and you have work to do? I know it's a wild concept, but but telling someone that you don't appreciate what's they are doing usually makes for a better way to get what you want.

[@rseegraves]

2nd story - My House, My Rules! You gave BOTH your parents numerous warnings. They broke the rules and reaped the appropriate rewards. NTA!!!

[@ericaschaidt8588]

I think you meant story number 3.

[@ai6dn-]

Op in story 5 has be rolling with that edit. "The vast majority of posters here don't understand what its like to suddenly grow another appendage, always following you around and demanding your time." Op. Do you mean.. a ✨Child✨ Yeah I think most people understand.

[@beckyhartley9502]

Child or pet, I have a velcro dog who won't let me go anywhere unsupervised.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 1.) Managers: *Surprise Peekachu Face* “They can walk away?!” #Sarcasm

[@olinewright6877]

actually leaving as the person did rather than wasting their time actually saved them some time as the OP could have gone through the process only to turn them down at the mind.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

@@olinewright6877 .........Umm, that wasn’t the point of my comment.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA the red flags in that company out quick. Between the rude driver and the top manager calling her out for saying no. OP didn't waste any time. The whole point of an interview is to see if they want to hire you and to see if you want to work there. OP is right. If they're not prepared for that, they're dumb. Nothing OP said was unprofessional. Don't be rude to people. You never knew where they show up in your life.

[@JootjeJ]

Last story: what's the point of asking AITA if you're not at all going to listen if anyone says yes?

[@thedestroyasystem]

I know, right? “Dave” shouldn’t have been following them around and showing them videos, but they seem to have made no effort to clearly communicate their discomfort. And blaming it on sexism? Good job, Karen. YOU didn’t communicate and YOU threw a tantrum. If she’d asked him to stop like a reasonable adult she would’ve been NTA, but everything in her post, including asserting your own false judgement of herself, makes her seem like an absolute ass.

[@JootjeJ]

@@thedestroyasystem That!

[@bruuh0_0]

@@thedestroyasystem I kinda agreed with her because he was too much but then the mental disability came. Also she clearly already thought she was right, just wanted validation

[@melanellie_art]

Yeah, it’s one of the rules of the sub. I’ve seen people reprimanded by mods for this.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@bruuh0_0 yes. Sounds like coworkers know something about him that OP doesn’t. Does a mental disability make his behavior okay? Of course not. But it means it’s possible he didn’t know what he was doing was inappropriate, and he didn’t deserve to be screamed at. Regardless the correct action would be to firmly assert that the behavior was making OP uncomfortable and if he didn’t stop, she would visit HR. Her tantrum solved nothing and only put her in another uncomfortable situation.

[@ChasehaWing]

Last story: why even come to AITA if you're not going to accept the judgement? YTA for that alone!

[@thesmilingboiYT]

Story 5: YTA purely for your edit at the end

[@sarahhumphreys3299]

Yer I was leaning towards ya anyway but that edit solidified it

[@serna710]

I love spending my mornings listening to this man's waffling 👌plus a dose of poppy

[@MarkNarrations]

Thanks Sandra :)

[@sophiaann8918]

I love my evening waffles but his morning ones are fantastic lol

[@Scheriff091]

The last story is cracking me up. OP: AITA? Everyone: Yes you are. OP: Wtf no, I'm clearly NTA. If you're so sure maybe don't ask?

[@justabunneh6490]

LOL that was so funny. .giving yourself a judgement

[@LadyPrincessDiana]

Last story: YTA Being a woman in the video game industry, I HAVE been in the situation of awkward and introverted guys hitting on me in a professional environment. I hated it, but I was never rude about it. And especially not after the first time confronting them. One of them I redirected to a girl who was obviously into him, they started dating a few months later. Another one I kept telling that I didn't have time to hang out, he eventually got the hint. Unless it's blatant sexual harassment, there's nothing that prevents you from letting them down gently, the same way you'd want it for yourself! Come on!

[@crazeeaz]

But you don't understand. She's special. So...

[@thedestroyasystem]

Not to mention, her tantrum didn’t even solve the problem for herself. The first step is always firmly telling them to stop. In this case it sounds (from the coworker’s remarks and his behavior after the fact) that he had no bad intentions. Doesn’t make what he did right, but blowing up at someone is almost always going to make you in the wrong.

[@danes.4551]

Second story... yeah, NTA. My red flag alarms are going of like crazy-- this is textbook emotional manipulation. The girlfriend might need to be investigated more thoroughly, but the dad as a widower needs to check in on his own mental health before jumping into a new relationship.

[@victoriapyles7752]

For story 2.. I feel like it's conflicting whether the mother's death was sudden/unexpected or if she was sick and needed care for some time. Being that the sister lives to care for their mother before she passed leads me to believe she's been sick for some time, and op seems like they have been a bit distant and in denial about it. Something to consider, if mom has been sick for some time is that dad has already been emotionally distancing and already grieving before her death which may make it seem like they're just over the death incredibly soon. He also may have been connecting with the new chick much sooner than either child was aware. However.. the dad is still a bit of an asshole to not consider that his kids are grieving their mother and not in the same place. Dad is an asshole that he chose literally the worst time to announce their engagement. His kids are feeling raw, and that fucking stings to consider their dad moving on, much less in a seemingly short time.

[@beckyhartley9502]

Story 3 hit me hard, I have a work colleague called Mark (rather than Marcus) who knows that I have endometriosis and my God, he's more sympathetic than the women in my office who think it's on the same level as period pains and makes sure I'm alright if look sick or in pain. I don't think he know how much I appreciate it.

[@grandshadowseal]

Why do interviewers think it's exceptable for them to waste our time waiting for phonecalls that never happen but when we're not interested in them they get offended?

[@pickle_pup8187]

Story 2 - check legal means to safeguard your mom’s items and the money. Also OP might consider hiring a private investigator to check into this lady.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

OP dodged a bullet of being in a toxic workplace in the first story. Good for OP for doing what she did and walked away.

[@quarterknight3572]

With that last story. For some reason I thought she told him prior to stop which in that case I'd agree with her final statement/judgement. But if she never said anything this guy probably struggles reading social cues and didn't realize he was such a bother. I don't struggle with social cues but even then there have been times where I bugged someone unintentionally and without knowing it and would've had no idea until they said "dude, don't care". If she said nothing and just exploded on the dude, OP is TA. If she talked to him prior and he was unrelenting, then OP is NTA

[@owl7072]

Story 4: The way I had taken my glasses off since I'm dozing off again (not that Mark's boring or anything, I'm just not feeling well) only to put them back on when listening to this. Honestly? NTA. What was telling him going to change? How was it even relevant? How do you politely tell your sibling "Hey I slept with your partner several times in the past"????? It's not like they did it during the relationship, they stopped once her and brother got together (the past relationships are questionable but that's not the focus here) and now he's offended that she's been with other people? Who cares? It's none of his business who she has and hasn't been with, just cause she happened to be with his brother before meeting him doesn't mean he should have a fit over it and call his brother screaming over something that isn't even happening anymore and storming out on her. He sounds like a child whose upset that a toy he got isn't brand new. I can understand _why_ he'd be upset but acting like that is ridiculous, he needs to grow the hell up and talk this out like an adult. Screaming and stomping out like a toddler isn't gonna help anything now is it? Edit: All the people saying "You should have told him the minute you knew they were dating" BRO????? "Oh my brother just got into a new relationship with a girl he really likes, let me just _casually_ bring up the fact that I had sex with her several times in the past even though it's completely irrelevant now and her sexual history is none of his business and doesn't affect him in any way" how do you say that without coming off as a major asshole who sounds like he's bragging about "having her first"?

[@goddessmelanisia]

Story 2: I remarried after being widowed. That prenup is the best choice I ever made. Now I'm widowed and divorced. I'm so glad my asshole Ex couldn't touch the funds my late husband and I built together.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 1: These people wasted OP's time, not the other way around. And instead of showing any remorse they just proposed wasting even more of her time. OP did not work for that company. She politely opted out of the hiring process. They have zero claim on her time, and zero right to demand that she indulge them in any way, shape, or form. They didn't pass OP's smell test. She was well within her rights to walk away. She didn't even owe them as much of an explanation as what she gave them.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

Story 5 had a pretty telling twist. First off, yeah, I think the co-worker might indeed have a condition that makes it difficult for him to gauge someone's reaction without them expressing their feelings clearly. It is completely plausible that he has difficulties with social interactions and could be a bit desperate about meeting new acquaintances like, for example, a new colleague. Still, I get why someone would be uncomfortable with that degree of unwanted attention even if the other person means well. I am not big on small talk and stuff like that myself, quite the opposite. But in this case the commenters are absolutely correct when they point out that there would have been a way to be direct without throwing a tantrum that would stress even a mentally healthy person were it directed at them. In conclusion, there is a pretty good chance that OP is ableist here, but even if that is not the case she is still TA for her over-the-top outbreak. And here is the telling twist: after reading the YTA-comments OP had the opportunity to reconsider the situation and her actions. She did not. Instead she did what your typical Karen does when confronted with valid criticism: she proclaimed it's not _her_ who did wrong, it's _other people_ being sexist that's the problem. And with the information she herself presented that's quite the reach, to say the least. That's a good enough indicator for me that the YTAs are spot on.

[@puli_dreadhead]

4th story. Should’ve told him when it got serious after two months not a year.

[@desireeloveros1055]

"Hey you know your new girlfriend? I’ve f*%# her multiple times over the course of 3 years” Like Idk I don’t think that’s something I’d want to know

[@emilywright1390]

@@desireeloveros1055 this is what I was thinking. It wasn’t a relationship it was just fwb and how the fuck do you politely say to your brother “oh by the way, I’ve fucked your girlfriend before” I blame my complete bewilderment with social cues but that whole story was just NTA with me... I mean, if I was OPs brother I wouldn’t want to know

[@darkshadow5581]

@@desireeloveros1055 Agreed. 1) the Conversation it self would be Hella weird. I don't have brothers, but I personally wouldn't want to know the sexual history of anyone in my family, and 2) What difference does it make? Is it because its their brother? can brothers never ever date someone their brother dated? or maybe its because she had a FWB, which would make no sense as to why OP is getting flack for it, and if OP's brother is so easily swayed by their partner's sexual history, that's on them to ask about it before getting married, not on others to tell Brother about.

[@desireeloveros1055]

@@darkshadow5581 Thank you Like this is on a need to know basis and frankly I don’t think anyone needed to know this. Unless stds or pregnancy is involved, who you sleep with is your business.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@desireeloveros1055 same

[@crazypyp5871]

Currently listening to this during graduation practice. This is a great way for me to spend my mornings.

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

I hated that. Nobody needs practice for that stupid event.

[@jackspring7709]

Story 1: I was ready to say NTA until she made claims about sexism. He roared at her because he's a jerk, not because he's a sexist. OP needs to get a life if she thinks everything is down the oppression of women. ESH.

[@groofromtheup5719]

My thought as well. He was an aggressive jerk behind the wheel. She has every right under the to not work there. That doesn't make everyone she met to be sexist. I have no problem working with women, but she sounds like someone I would not want to work with. Everyone dodged bullet here.

[@flaminhotyoshi7403]

For story 5, yes, she is still TA. And now she’s even more so for the “wah I blame the patriarchy” edit. Some people have a hard time deciphering nonverbal cues (especially those on the spectrum) and, if I understand correctly, she never said a word until she threw a childlike tantrum. The edit just reinforces her childish mentality. He really sounded like a nice dude....

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

I STRONGLY disagree with you. As a woman who has worked in corporate America for several decades, I understand completely what she is talking about. As employees, we have to be more productive and less "squeaky" in order to "prove we deserve to be there", so his drain on her productivity will be viewed as her flaw, not his. And yes, subtlely or politely asking people to stop _should_ work. SHOULD. But it generally doesn't. Do you sincerely think he just can't tell at all that he's annoying her, that he's misunderstanding her attempts to avoid him? No, he sees it. And when politely told to please stop, they hear you, but it's generally taken as "Well, she's a woman, she doesn't _really_ know what she wants." or "She'll get used to me ignoring her and eventually give in". Women are socialized to be passive and accepting of just about everything, and guys are socialized to be aggressive and take what they want, after all, "boys will be boys", amirite? It's a thin line and double-edged sword; When we ask politely or act subtlely, it's ignored. But when we're pushed to our breaking point and snap, well, then we're just a bitch. Obviously, the "correct" answer is to just silently continue to take it, because it might offend the guy. Funny how no one was concerned about offending her.

[@flaminhotyoshi7403]

“Do you sincerely think he just can’t tell at all that he’s annoying her?” Her coworkers even said that he probably has a mental disorder. There are also context clues in her post. The way that she described his behavior (like sitting and waiting with his phone regardless of what she’s doing) really leads me to believe that he is neuroatypical. Maybe it’s just a guy on the spectrum with poor social skills, or maybe it’s a guy with malicious intent who wants to take advantage of a woman in a corporate work environment. We have very little information to go by, but based on the information that I have, I stand by my belief that he did not have bad intentions.

[@flaminhotyoshi7403]

@@Original_Tenshi_Chan No. Nobody said that the “correct” answer was to just sit and take it. I believe that the correct answer would be to politely tell him (and firmly) that she is at work and not interested in watching the videos. IF he had pressed on, or acted belligerent, then yes I would believe that he is the AH. But, he didn’t even say a word when she yelled at him. If he really was just a ruthless, misogynistic jerk, I imagine that he would have had a different reaction.

[@jenphoenix6887]

Story 4 - NTA - the OP was not under any obligation to disclose his own personal business to his brother... if brother had asked OP how he knew her (I mean they met at a party thrown by OP) then maybe he might have mentioned how they were 'close' friends... but if OP had said anything at any point I have no doubt the brother would have thrown it back and accused OP of trying to break them up or being jealous... brother needs to grow up and accept his wife had a life before him!

[@succubitch1054]

For story 2 the dad was definitely seeing that woman before the wife died, its an actual statistic that men are more likely to cheat on/leave their spouse when they fall sick. He was 100% seeing that woman from highschool already.

[@Passions5555]

Yeah, and people are giving this dude a pass and putting more blame on the new girlfriend for supposedly "emotionally manipulating" him.

[@albertgongora6944]

Yeah good for Opie for walking away from that dumpster fire of a job because the moment that the top hiring manager was willing to dismiss everything that Opie does displayed to him and now all of a sudden he's like oh you're wasting my time in the company's time and it's like Opie said none of that would have happened if they would start getting rid of people like that especially if she feels that she has the right to not want to be in a hostile work environment and it shouldn't be like that cuz that's the type of shit that leads to investigations

[@plainsabertooth7828]

Sorry nta if op said something about his past relationship with his brother now wife he would looked like an asshole I think the wife should of told him first then back op wife to confirm it. But all in all it doesn't matter. It doesn't concern op brother.

[@jessicapalmer3455]

Story 5: "...don't know what it's like to suddenly grow another appendage, following you around and demanding your time." Ummm...parents who have/had toddlers will also understand lol.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Yeah but you can put a toddler in someone else's care if you need an hour to recharge. Cant tell a co worker go to time out for bad behavior.

[@muppetsrule1143]

but you can tell the co-worker you don't have time or get management/HR involved to help. Not scream like a child

[@jessicapalmer3455]

@@catandrobbyflores while I think that's a good point...I also would like to see a "time out" for coworkers lol.

[@jessicapalmer3455]

@@muppetsrule1143 absolutely. I was just pointing out how goofy Op sounded. Their edit sounded way too "not like other girls" to me.

[@heathermiller5765]

@@jessicapalmer3455 My four-year-old daughter still likes to run after me when I head to the bathroom lol 😄 Not completely related to the post I know, but your initial comment made me think of that

[@videofan1010]

Ok - the 4th story is nuts, lol. The wife should have told the brother - right when they first started dating.

[@everdreamcosplay]

I say story 5, ESH, and here's why. I've been creeped on plenty of times by older men wanting to just "show me something", demanding my time, attention and disregarding my personal/professional boundaries. What they want to show me is not the point - it's that they want to look at me or try to hit on me. I work in public service, so I have to be nice to a point, and some take that general hospitality as a personal interest. So his "just want to show you a video" over and over does not seem to be relevant to the job or completely innocent to me. Especially since he is close enough to be breathing on her. However, she went from like a level 1 ("dropping hints") to a level 10 nuclear shouting and unkindness with no reasonable attempts to remedy the situation in between. I chalk it up to her youth and poor communication skills, but she really needed to set her clear boundaries firmly or address it with HR or boss if she didn't feel comfortable doing it herself. You cannot expect others to read your mind, so say what you mean. If she just told him she was not interested in the videos and please stop showing them to her, that's really not a problem. But she went too far.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Third story: KIDS BEFORE ADULTS! All the way! If someone hurts your children, no matter what toss them out, no effs given! OP's parents were prepared to respect, they get the consequences of that.

[@roycrossland9401]

As for story #1: OP you dodge a bullet here. If the upper manager treated you that way it means the behavior you experienced with the co-worker driving into work is acceptable behavior within that workplace. That manager telling you that you wasted his time only proves that the work culture in that company is either toxic or has a toxic undertone that is accepted. A proper manager would have shown concern about your reasons for terminating the process and would have said something like "I am sorry to hear that" "Is there anything we can do to change your mind".

[@ActivistVictor]

You made a valid point on the first one Mark. An interview is not just them finding out about, but you finding out about them and seeing if it will be a safe and nontoxic environment to build a career in, and this place majorly failed the test

[@dm9078]

That first young lady is what every young person should be. NTA! And their loss. Dad didn’t start dating after mom died. He is also a freaking heartless clueless man baby, getting his mommy and sister involved. NTA! YTA for letting that bully around his children at all. He’s a schmuck for even rethinking letting them back in. Of course YTA 100%. OP is a cheater and a liar as is the wife. Man I hope there is an update on this. NTA! Talk to the boss about this. The Andre the Giant would be cool though. She owes no apology.

[@ordinarysavage]

She showed disinterest, but he didn't pick up on that. Naturally, she would escalate her disinterest on account of his bothersome intrusions.

[@aikikaname6508]

Story 5... why did she even post if she couldn’t accept a YTA? If he was doing other stuff like she claimed and she’s tried to be more polite and he was creeping on her why didn’t she put that in the initial post? Either she did a crap job explaining the problem in the OP or she’s the issue

[@CathySW]

From what she said he sounds like someone trying to make friends but not really knowing how. For that she made him (probably) cry in the toilets for an hour. But she wanted everyone to be on her side so she could show her co-workers they were wrong

[@thedestroyasystem]

Yeah. I wouldn’t want someone doing what the dude was doing, either, but by throwing a tantrum instead of communicating clearly she became an asshole. I don’t think he had any bad intentions; still shouldn’t have been doing that, but it’s possible he didn’t know it made her uncomfortable. Based on the way she speaks about him with such vitriol, I think she added that bit in the edit to make her look better. But the whole edit just sealed the deal, she’s a giant asshole.

[@roelthas]

That last OP couldn't handle the truth.😆

[@parkerpenafiel9014]

The last one I’ve experienced something similar but you can be blunt without being mean. Like “Hey can I have some personal space?” Or “I’m actually trying to work/take a call/take my break”. People with social issues can absolutely harass or make ppl uncomfortable, but if he’s so clearly not getting hints to the point it affects his work rather than just ignoring your discomfort, BE BLUNT!!

[@abigailhornibrook2470]

Delivering mail in 105 degree heat to people who don't appreciate it, Markee your voice keeps me and the mail going.

[@Passions5555]

Wrong KZbinr. This is Mark, the waffle king

[@abigailhornibrook2470]

@@Passions5555 hey, he is MY Markee, I know who I love thank you very much.

[@CryWolf-sm9iw]

Story 1: NTA but you’re not a victim either. Your call.

[@renatatarnawski5974]

1st story the other guy that wanted info seemed dismissive because He and everyone knows What he's like!! NTA

[@hanoh2904]

I love coming back to old stories I didn't hear before I found the channel!

[@callmema14]

Story 2 hit home! In my family a lot of the wives of my uncles(father's side) has passed and the husbands moved on a little quick. My oldest uncle started dating less than 2 months after his wife passed! He dated and married a woman that looks like and has a similar name to his 1st wife and for the first half of their marriage he would call his 2nd wife by his 1st wife's name. Op is right the father isn't thinking clearly and just wants someone so he's not alone. It's disrespectful to them and unhealthy for his mental health. It's like hes trying to find a quick replacement. NTA.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Last story - NTA for some reason the company has employed this guy he is there issue to deal with. Everyone is worried about his feelings but no one cares about yours. You are their to do a job. Next just report him to HR. And keep reporting him.

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 5: Why did you even bother posting?

[@darkmask5933]

Validation.

[@deusdamnit]

5. YTA. Here's why. You ask AITA for an outside perspective, to get outside of your own biases. OP's defense was just doubling down on their own biases. It's true enough that women in corporate jobs may face challenges, including harassment. Reactions have to be proportionate, though. You can't be a child and ignore a problem until it's well past the boiling point, then become upset that your problem wasn't recognized. If it was a concern of safety, going to HR would've been a far more appropriate course of action than being openly hostile over what was effectively harmless. And it was harmless, because the action he took was clearly intending to be friendly, not coercive or harassing. It may have been inappropriate, and was surely uncomfortable, but that's what HR is for.

[@Greenwren]

Story 2: He started laying the groundwork for concealing his past cheating right after the death. He definitely cheated.

[@Gingerycarrotkitten]

OP in the last story with their update comment is 100% correct! NTA!!!!!

[@Droptheworldghost]

For story 2 I feel the dad killed the wife and had the gf on the side for a minute

[@thedestroyasystem]

Idk man, that’s a bit of a reach. I think the Dad is grieving the loss of his wife and being manipulated by this new girl. Could’ve been a side piece tho, we don’t have enough info to tell.

[@Droptheworldghost]

@@thedestroyasystem it's a reach but that's just how I feel cause you just find an old girlfriend who happens to be single and down to part

[@GrandCorsair]

@@Droptheworldghost If it was suspicious wouldn't it have been spotted? Toxins are becoming easier to detect. He would have had to be clever about it. Im not saying he couldn't just that how could he pull it off without it being detected.

[@Droptheworldghost]

@@GrandCorsair so in the story it says that the sibling took care of the mother but then the mother died suddenly as well so in my head somebody who has medical issues suddenly dies makes me think that possibly the husband who knows all the medical problem could possibly have done something

[@GrandCorsair]

@@Droptheworldghost maybe I watch to many true crime show. I don't think it's impossible just it is harder for me to believe it would've aroused suspicion if he slipped her something. Do you have any theories on what he could have done? Poison or maybe tampering with the meds?

[@kilikodagawa5849]

Story 5: I say this with 0 remorse. To hell with OP. YTA.

[@Madmark50484]

Definately NTA for walking out the interview. I walked out of an interview as the job didn’t provide enough hours I thanked the man and walked out. I remember going for an interview years ago (which led to employment) the interviewer said from the start if at any point you don’t think this for you just say so we don’t waste each other time. To me if you genuinely didn’t want to work there you done exactly the right thing.

[@candypettynettie487]

Last story: I have coworkers like this. Some of them are on the spectrum and sometimes you have to explain this again or go to hr. The coworker is obviously unable to understand certain things. If I'm busy working don't come to my desk for bs either.

[@yaff1851]

Story 1: Actually, a top manager who won’t take no for an answer is an even greater red flag than one toxic coworker/superior. A job interview where EITHER of the participants is worth their salt is a two way street.

[@donaldstewart2746]

I think people's past is no one's busseniss.#3, the brothers. He didn't cheat on his brother, not did she!

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Wow sounds like OP dodged a major toxic workplace bullet in the first story

[@cb9825]

So when the company doesn't want to hire you it's ok and your time spent is some kind of job hunting experience. but when YOU refuse to work there, they would annoy the hell out of you?🙄

[@helookalikaman79]

Story 2 OMG that was a very fast recovery from losing a spouse.... My parents were married 21 years to his death, my mom has never had a single date in the last 23 years....

[@EllieC130]

Oh god the last story; she really thinks she's fighting the front line for feminism. Like girl, it's not that deep. You could have just been a bit nicer and said it didn't interest you. If he kept on, go to HR. After that you are well within your rights to shout at him. But seriously, dude seemed to mean well. If a woman did the same thing, it'd be just as frustrating. Bore off.

[@cpaul9269]

story 5 - what OP doesn't seem to grasp, is that you can be correct about something, AND an AH about it. They are not mutually exclusive. As you have so clearly demonstrated herein.

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

Haha that last one. Why even bothering asking unbiased strangers if your an asshole if your not going to accept the verdict?! Get your (obvious need for validation) butt off of that side of Reddit, if that’s what your after. And Yes! YTA! 🤣

[@janabug68]

Story 5: OP clearly went onto the subreddit for validation but it clearly wasn't given to her, thus the edit. She writes about her coworker in such a negative way. She is very much TA. Not everyone understands hints but she also needs to talk to her supervisors and HR instead of just blowing up at people.

[@bruuh0_0]

The singing is becoming more common

[@MarkNarrations]

We're doomed! :)

[@bruuh0_0]

@@MarkNarrations finally

[@Indi_Waffle_Girl]

YAYYYY

[@heathermiller5765]

@@MarkNarrations “Doomy doomy doom...” lol 😁

[@aimes2616]

Nothing like a good ad jump scare at four am 😂 wonderful video and content as usual Mark !

[@bigbreadboi978]

I can't express how happy I feel when I see a new upload from Mark. I've been going through some tough times and tuning in to these videos always makes me feel a bit better!

[@Lisapizzza]

I'm not going so far as calling op in the last story an asshole, but I do think they should apologise for blowing up because clearly they didn't communicate clearly enough that they didn't want to be bothered. I do sympathise with her tho

[@adrianbaciu3954]

story 3: OMG how many say YTA that are so dumb.. maybe betrayed by girls.. Never marry a girl who is not virgin or ask her under lie detector the list of guys she slept with if you do not want the situation of story 3.... yeah maybe he should have told his brother... but the brother(who got married) was not caring for her ex love life if he married her after 1 year.

[@NikolaiTheJester]

Today I learned that monogomous people still scare me

[@madcatlady]

and the new spouse will get all the inheritance, know this from my widowed cousin who remarried and died and her kids got nothing