Want More Than A Situationship? DO NOT CHASE; Do THIS Instead

[@sapna8888]

Let's be real. They didn't have positive impact on your life. They didn't make you a better person. You just had attachment issues and scared to lose something you once loved. You made them seem more valuable than they actually were. Don't waste anymore time. There's someone better waiting for you❤️🤞🏻

[@nscales20]

true.

[@yeswing10]

That's going in my journal.

[@calebkeegan3023]

Thank you 20 days cheating lying ex blocked. It was long distance situationship on off 3 yrs is over...she still wouldn't unblock me on her private Facebook where I caught her cheating or said idk how lol that was it for me lotta tears lotta soul searching and still not over it. 5 months since physically seen I'll get a lil strong for like say now day 20 no contact I block her.....day 17 19 32 she will reach out w fake tears obviously in-between men and reel me in a lies of loyalty it's disgusting what an evil person and she's mean to her 6 yr old daughter poor thing I loved them both ....when they love bomb and give u that false hope u wake up and go through the pain of breakup all over again I hate her and all modern women.

[@TickleMeRaw_]

I fucking needed to hear this.....best comment I've came across on KZbin. Thank you stranger.

[@jeanmechellepablico9869]

Absolutely right ✅️

[@jelenastevanovic5314]

It's so comforting hearing advices like this in these times when a big majority of people are seeing undefined statuses as liberating and a desired path to go on... I am very tired of that... Just mentioning a relationship is like you are forcing them to get married tomorrow...

[@SaPipers]

Exactly the type of things the person I’ve just split from believed and even my closest friends.

[@daspotjoel]

I see it as normalizing bypassing trauma

[@catharinamariatheresia1626]

Yes! I agree with this! It´s almost like it´s more `spiritual´ to not commit....

[@LuciaCasucci]

I am proud to say that, although I entered a situation without serious intentions, I ended up catching feelings and wanting more after 3 months of seeing him. I was sad of the more I was progressing in time, the more I was getting crumbs. I expressed the discomfort, he apologized but then things kept going the same way. All on his terms. I realized that it was not serving purpose anymore , and although I still deeply care about this person I told him that it was not meeting my long term vision or even bare minimum requirement of communication to be in my circle. I have been no contact for the past 2 weeks and binge watching Matthew's because although I have been suffering, there is a light at the end of the tunnel whether if I stayed id been wasted potentially many months of my life getting crumbs. Thank you Matt and team 💌

[@dssoper]

Exactly what I'm going through except I can't 100% no contact. I work with him directly and have to see him every day. It's freaking torture. And yes I could change jobs but admittedly in the back of mind I know that would 100% cut the chances of it working...oh but also, he isn't available anyway so there isn't a chance in the first place. WHY do I do this to myself? Nothing but self sacrificing and toxic situations I keep allowing just to get a little bit of affection. It's so twisted and I don't know why I have no self love respect or control over myself. Ugh! And that's just one of my malfunctions. It's very very depressing.

[@starward0997]

​​@@dssoper may i ask what do you mean by he isnt available??

[@pinin1708]

I am going through something very similar! can I check how it turned out? :)

[@camila8219]

Same

[@tabbylove86]

​@@dssopersame situation right now.ended up pretty badly.i was tramautised because within 1 month he got carried away,he touched my arm intimately and I didn't expected it.i was the one who initiated all this shit since 2 months back I was sexually harassed and to forget that I entered into this.but I couldnt forget him,he was very sweet and I told him it made me uncomfortable and kept boundaries.he respected that ,but my trauma is so similar to abuse I endured,it ended up triggering even more .I wanted to press charges but I got so much feelings over him that I couldn't do it.and I need to see his face daily and when I said to my colleagues they all said it's my fault that it's triggering.i chose to forgive and asked him what is our relationship status andhe said we are friends.i was devastated.he also said we are in compatible.i seriously want to press charges but I don't know touching my arm and wanting to hug comes under a thing or not.

[@discopotato675]

Being intimate that early, (more oft than not) just makes you ignore and/or miss the potential red flags that will destroy the relationship after the honeymoon stage wears off.

[@katsybo]

Exactly!!!

[@IevaKambarovaite]

*Does it serve you? Does it serve the path you want to be on?* These are great questions to ask yourself. But it can be so challenging when we meet someone great and we get overly excited. That's why I think if you're someone who's got a history of situationships, attracting unavailable people, *going slow* is always going to be the best approach. It will help you not to get overly invested into someone you don't know and you'll avoid building all the anxiety around someone you hardly know. Love this. Always an inspiration for my own channel.

[@jaayv9337]

What you’re saying is great. But I think its not that easy to just no get excited . You meet someone, u see that this person check a lot of boxes for u, and instantly ur brain it’s creating a whole story with that person. It can be very hard. I also find it hard to know how slow it should be. I mean in this days u meet someone in a weekend and u feel like you should see that person again in the next weekend, just because there a lot of options at the apps and u start to get afraid that if you don’t see each other, how that person will maintain interest? 😅 dating is hard

[@sunnyikojoh111]

@Jaayv, I agree with you. When you meet someone that checks all the boxes, your brian begins to create a whole story about them which doesn't allow room for you to actually get to know them more, and before you know it, you're already love-bombing them and now they’re asking for space (a mistake I’m currently paying for now 🤦🏾‍♂️)

[@jaayv9337]

@@sunnyikojoh111 I understand u. Our first intuition is trying to get that person close to us, because we think that if we are not giving them attention they wouldn’t return and we would lose them. It’s really hard to do the opposite.

[@everettedl]

​@@sunnyikojoh111 same here. It's easy to forget all the logic when someone checks off a lot of boxes, especially when no one has been around to check those boxes in a while. It's enough to make one desperate if they're not careful....and I haven't been careful lol I think it's really about realizing just how much I bring to the table and how I am worthy of having standards in what I want. It also means being willing to walk away from food and water, even though you're starving and thirsty for a good meal and water.

[@sunnyikojoh111]

@@jaayv9337“Our first intuition is trying to get that person close to us,” exactly! One thing I never paid attention to was how that could easily lead us to over pursuing the person, thereby getting the opposite of our desired result, leading them to demanding for space. And the thing is, we don't often notice when we're too fast, especially at the moment. As I said, I'm paying the price for it now (with two weeks of no contact), which has led me to your videos and many others. I'm learning the hard way 😂

[@SophieLovesSunsets]

"The game isn't just let me get my short term needs met. The game is let me actually see if I can find a person I can build with" 100% agree. Setting intention is everything. A lot of good can come out of taking things slow with someone, and I know that's sounds a bit old fashioned and corny cliche, but actually having a friendship with someone first, getting to know them at a healthy pace, talking to them, building a connection before intimacy. Just as Matthew said, our clarity can be muddied by sex. In those intense early stages of a relationship when everything is exciting and lovey dovey it can cloud our judgement and make us miss red flags.

[@noname123_2]

was in a relationship for a year. broke up. got into a situation-ship with him for another year. always wanted commitment from him. thought he’d change and he’d ask to be together officially again. at the end of the day. respect yourself and save yourself from the consequences.

[@samuraix11]

Agreed

[@samriddhisharma6017]

Am in same situation as you, So what did you do?

[@noname123_2]

@@samriddhisharma6017 I told him what i wanted. He said he can’t. I went into NC for 7 weeks. Learnt that i do miss him/ love him, but i have to put me first. He messaged me yesterday. cold and regretted messaging because i didn’t see the message for 4-5 hours. that shows me a lack of maturity and manipulation again. i will not chase anymore at all. i chased for a year. my self respect was to the floor and he doesn’t respect me. i just left it. still grateful for the lesson.(Matthew taught me about self discipline, self control, and aligning myself for me only).

[@saffylew]

My ex is trying to do this with me🙃but I’m actually so turned off by casual. I’m looking at him like eewww. I want commitment or nothing.

[@cherrypie6679]

I met my husband in a disco and had sex with him after a few hours. It wasn't even a date, it was supposed to be a one night stand. I was ready to walk away and never hear from him after a night. I never thought or gave him the feeling that he owes me something for that. And he ended up chasing me. He was the one who made the relationship progress, he was the one who made the research on "how to get the girl". Not the other way around. We've been married for 20 years now. If you are and know that you are a good catch, others will sense that too. Girls, never chase a man. Be an independent and confindent girl, make yourself happy first, and the luck finds you.

[@akronym4439]

What a bs comment.

[@gildarosales1778]

I love this thank you for sharing facts if he really into you he will chase you not us chasing men.

[@fluffzimao7501]

Matthew keeps uploading videos on the exact things I'm going through it feels like he's watching me sometimes😭🤣

[@thematthewhussey]

😅

[@healthfitnessworkouts7198]

This situationship thing is very common thing these days, that's why he uploaded, anyways Thanks @Matthew love watching your videos and getting educated about dating these days

[@jadegreen1554]

Yes.

[@lozzielou]

Same, I’m upset about something and I open KZbin and there he is. He’s like a psychic or something. 🤣

[@shereebongo]

Same!

[@sarapowell46]

“Does this serve the path I want to be on…” SO GOOD!

[@karasmusic123]

When you kill the thrill of the chase too soon, you kill attraction. I learned this from an email newsletter and it worked.

[@kendradawn777]

I've had a fwb for over a year now. The relationship served it's purpose in the beginning. We've both developed feelings for each other and now it's just a mess. I don't believe in regrets, but a big part of me wishes I could go back in time and just expect more for myself...because we all deserve more.

[@ladyofspa]

Then it served its purpose .you learned your lesson saw where you need to pay attention to you.

[@twinflamegirl9901]

How is it a mess if you BOTH caught feelings?

[@kendradawn777]

@@twinflamegirl9901 when I met him years ago he was cheating (not with me!) And I know his relationship history. As much as I care about him I truly believe I would be in the same situation that all of his ex's were in if we were together.

[@twinflamegirl9901]

@@kendradawn777 ah, I see! Jeez, these men who cheat are such clowns! Run a mile!!

[@kendradawn777]

@@twinflamegirl9901 lol I agree. I would have never imagined I would get too attached to him cause I know exactly what he's about. In the end, that's my fault, because we always know there is a chance something like this will happen.

[@johnniepaz4053]

I wish all people think the same way as Matt. Clearly, many people just want to play games & just want to take advantage of the other's vulnerability.

[@Vedantt29]

Be true to yourself, be true to your feelings and be true to the other one. Don't think of the outcome. The right person will see through your antics and like you. Don't make love a game to win. Don't fear sadness. Sadness on solid ground can't cause much damage, rather it makes you wiser, but happiness on weak scripted grounds might blow off sooner than you expect. Unless you both are shallow then that's a compatibility. It's hard to find a solid partner and it's for your own good, development. We might feel dejected but somewhere we know our standards are too deep or we are different. Yeah, only if you walk the talk.

[@amyli092]

I know that love isn't the end goal for me, but what I do want is a platonic friendship.... It just feels as if no matter how hard I try, I can't break myself away from what I know about him so far, and I know that he's admitted to me that we could become friends at some point in time. It just feels like I'm in this weird limbo-ish phase because in my current situation, it just isn't possible since both of our positions at work narrow down the likelihood of it happening. Either I would have to move on and pursue something different, or he would have to leave and not come back for good.

[@SaPipers]

This is the exact difficult and painful scenario I’ve just come out of and it’s good to hear this being viewed objectively rather than glossed over as acceptable

[@ebrowntaylor1]

This is THE wisest relationship coach on the internet.

[@andiea7358]

He definitely knows what he's talking about! Brian Nox's channel is a great combo with this channel too!

[@meagandekkar6377]

One must manage feelings and emotions. Character over chemistry. Poetry over poet.

[@coolbreeze5683]

It's funny how these days people link "waiting to have sex until you have a trusting relationship" with being a prude or religious. I remember when it used to be the norm to wait until you're in a relationship. It's kinda naive to ignore the physical and emotional risks that sex holds, especially with someone you don't know well. I understand that some people get a kick out of one night stands and FWB relationships but to Matthew's point, I guess it's important to examine what you're really getting out of it

[@l8Os]

Not meeting your short term needs. But finding someone you can build something with is so incredibly important

[@everettedl]

Intention is the lesson for me. I've found most often that I end up becoming a love bomber unintentionally, because I didn't have clear intentions to start with. And if you're someone who isn't used to being in touch with themselves, how can you know what intentions you have? So it really becomes about empowering yourself first or at least making sure you are self aware enough to know what you want and how much value you can offer. That's hard for many of us, which is why we end up in situations where we feel like we compromised ourselves and don't know why.

[@ladyofspa]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@dssoper]

1000%

[@micahcollamer2842]

Talk about someone intentional! Thank you Matthew for the extraordinary value you offer in your messages about relationships. As a man, I've been watching your videos for years, and the advice you offer is almost always universal for whomever you want to attract. What a powerful lesson (in relationships and in life) to decide what serves you, and then act in congruence with that ideal.

[@ladyofspa]

Good for you Micah. Now billion more to go🗣

[@itsaplantlife9850]

Exactly. We remet 18 months ago after more than two decades and rushed in poorly. Now we're stepping in again slowly, even though knowing our sexual compatibility is hot, to make sure we're on the same page to keep moving forward. So perhaps my first love of 2 years and engaged will be my last love all these years later.

[@kelseycoca]

I think sometimes (re)meeting someone at a different time in your life makes the most sense and allows for growth and maturity the second time around. I hope it works out!

[@andiea7358]

Keep us updated whenever you guys get married!!💕😊 best of luck this time around!

[@mohammadmirmiran3547]

As a young adult,I am more attracted to girls whom try to know you better & better first.Many people don't feel what exactly they want toward their partner & that's why they consider sex a logical way to make their bond more intimate.Not only do they not get connected but they'll both regret afterwards

[@jakehenderson746]

It is hard to not act on everything that I feel, but I can see that it is worth it to not, and instead look for compatibility. Thank you for your advice!

[@christinelansberry9015]

I enjoy all of your advice, thank you for doing what you do. I recently got out of a 4 year relationship, and in the beginning I chased him. That was my first mistake, and I tend to do that a lot all because I become attached too quickly and attracted to looks, failing to learn personality and compatibility. The last relationship was a huge learning curve, I compromised everything, lowered all my standards, and didn’t allow myself to be treated what I’m actually worth. I recently went out with a guy friend I used to work with and we both talked about not looking for a relationship, and then we ended up hooking up and I found myself in the same boat, catching feelings and thinking maybe I do want a relationship, and I started acting on those feelings and was thinking uh oh, not again… so here I am trying to educate myself on what not to do, so I don’t repeat the same cycle. You are a savior. Thanks again ❤️

[@ladyofspa]

Bravo to you. Its hard but simple go super slow. So can see whats happening amd if it serves you. Focus on your feelings commit to what you want not the person. Most of all keep intercourse out of dating process save it for the man that wants you forever. Find meaning or passions outside dating. 💜💙

[@CoachSteveJandS]

Keen discernment is important in many areas of life, not just relationships...

[@minervag6777]

Matthew Hussey please keep going and continuing the way you do your videos!!!! they touch the relevant subjects and are to the point and helpful! thx so much

[@thematthewhussey]

I appreciate that!

[@smalta101]

It didn't sound prude-ish at all, it actually makes perfect sense. So many people are lying to themselves and others, and operate off feelings. This is practical advice

[@FreePalestine123-b1x]

Agree with this 💯💪 I'm all for being a self respecting prude tbh. Having sex with someone who's not invested or committed does not serve women at all imo. I think often women will go along with casual cos they're afraid the guy will leave if they don't. Most guys probably will leave cos they know there's plenty of options where zero investment will still get high rewards 🙄. This whole dating dynamic serves only men so women need to wise up if they want real, genuine and authentic guys. Also, when are we gonna start holding these guys to account for poor behaviour. It's just not on. There's a pandemic of Peter Pan syndrome (as Patti Stranger would say) if you ask me!

[@DawnoftheHappys]

Lol it is not most guys, it's the guys you choose to see

[@01happykat]

@@DawnoftheHappys I once had a guy abruptly end our date because I wouldn't go home with him. As we said goodbye, he was already back on his app looking for his next date for the evening. He didn't even look at me as I said bye. Ugh. They're not all as awful as he is, but I've spent a lot of time single and have been ghosted by guys I wouldn't sleep with right away. Hey, no loss for me! But they do exist. Matthew, your advice isn't prudish or religious-bent of any of that other nonsense. It's based upon self-respect. At my age, I've dated enough to know that rushing into things kills it because you likely didn't have a solid enough foundation anyway, but you're emotionally and physically involved and that makes it harder to remain in a situationship. Late last year, I finally walked away from my love-bomber, covert narcissistic ex. There were so many red flags I should've acknowledged but didn't because we rushed everything! Man, did I pay for it! The next guy I dated slowed things down as we became crazy about each other because he realized it'd be much wiser to take the time to get to know me. That was game changing. I'm all for not rushing into bed. I just wish I had learned that lesson sooner rather than following our culture's idea that sex is nothing.

[@enriqueperezarce5485]

@@01happykat Yea but most guys don’t do this. The guy you chose not sorry, doesn’t care about you, you were a “hit it and quit it”. If you didn’t have self respect and slept with him he would’ve left you when he was done with you and had his fun. Sucks to say but these types of guys have so many options why should he settle for you specifically

[@GrimReaper-mq7kr]

Yea, or you have sex with them, and they decide they don’t like you that much (that’s very interesting as they like you enough to have sex with you) and then you see them in a relationship with someone else. Let’s stop that. Share your body only with guys who are sincerely interested in you and if they decide not to see you again… that’s fine. At least you didn’t provide them with a free shag.

[@GrimReaper-mq7kr]

@@enriqueperezarce5485 oh dear… these guys are super nice online haha they even have bios “I am looking for someone special to share memories with”. They should be honest “I’m looking for sex really”. They would say any lie to get a woman in bed. So, do they have so many options if they have to do that? Probably not. If they ask 100 women, there’s a chance 1 will say yes, so they feel like a real macho and a winner. To answer your question, these guys shouldn’t meet up with girls who are not good enough for them.

[@partypoisonbemine]

Summed up- in the early dating stages lean more logical, don’t rule with your emotions

[@catharinamariatheresia1626]

Matthew, you feel a bit like you are giving me the brother/father advice that I never received. I am so grateful for your advice and also thanks a lot for making KZbin videos for those of us who don't necessarily have the financial means for subscriptions or memberships.

[@ladyofspa]

Always get the relationship you want first..... then and only after you have a clear agreement thats been tested and kept.

[@ohjinmyoung7350]

I am a middle aged lady and met some young people who say they are not sure what they want so they get into these relationships. YES THEY ARE RELATIONSHIPS.When human beings interact, it is a relationship. Problem is, some people seem to be at lost as to what relationships it is they want in life. I would like to say this: Figure that out before jumping into a relationship. Look inward, not outward. Focus on personal goals. Get that dream body, get that dream job, get that law schoold degree. When you focus on yourself, when you work hard, you learn a lot about yourself, and then you can see what it is you want in terms of sex, intimacy, companionship, and more

[@sarahhey8654]

Beware of fake behaviour...easy to see through fake words...but a player will act in a way you want...until you both have sex and are ghosted whilst he is dealing with other women. Remember he is being intentional to trap you.

[@HaNguyen-xm3kl]

That's his loss anyway losing us 🙂

[@ayselhasanova7678]

Unfortunately i went through this bad ,damn situation....but all I felt all the time my true and sincere love and investment.

[@enriqueperezarce5485]

@@HaNguyen-xm3kl No he won the game you lost it. He futilely his objective from the beginning. You failed your objective, it’s a L but you must move on and don’t let it happen again

[@claudiarivas8492]

Upon seeing this video I've realized that I could think of walking different paths with different people. Like, there are guys who are friends and I'd never want to be in a serious relationship with, I'd entertain the idea of a FWB thing with them. But there are guys who I see as potential long term partners and I'd never want to be in a casual kind of relationship with them, because as you said, I want to get to know them and see our compatibility. And if that potential serious relationship does happen, it's then when I'd include that aspect of a relationship with them. Only after things become official.

[@bobbobby475]

The love bombing is a concept I've only heard here. I think people like that 100% exist and I can be one too. I gotta learn more of that

[@makeishainniss2440]

The thought of going into another situationship disgusts me. A more intentional route is what I'm about.

[@Taisha12001]

Take away the sexual attraction and chemistry, would you still want to see him or her again?

[@teresukisalsabachata8537]

Admiration, intentions, compatibility, What stage? ❤Honest assessment & pace ❤

[@annstar2793]

Hello - so if you’re in a situationship (started out love bombing, etc…used to meet up, talk consistently, and now he cancels a lot, is super inconsistent, but about every 5-10 days still reaches out and wants to be all cute and nice like you’ve got something special, and you know it should be over, and he’s never going to stop the breadcrumbing, should you wait before he reaches out again to let him know how this is making you feel, and its awful and no thanks…. or say what you have to say when you want and don’t wait for his stupid text to say something. I’m not good at ignoring people, so the ignore block delete advice is not my thing unless someone is harassing me. Thank you.

[@michellehonaker4546]

Are you sure he’s not a narcissist or someone with borderline personality disorder? He sounds like a narcissist, been there, done that. Please be careful sweetie. I don’t want anyone to go thru the shitshow I went thru with both of those idiots.

[@jamieleigh807]

Just say upfront that it is not working for you. His response is how he really feels about you. Or you could treat him exactly the same as he does towards you. If he cancels sometimes then cancel at the last minute. If he doesn't call for 10 days, don't pick up his calls, purposely miss his calls then respond the following day saying you were busy, is everything ok? That makes them feel stupid and it shines the light on the fact that he isnt consistent because you are acting a bit surprised that he called. Not only that but it is a bit embarrassing aswell because he has to say what he wants you for and if he isnt clear about his intentions then that forces him to be a bit more open. Dont act too busy actually be busy with things that u love

[@kaurauwundatv2223]

When it's a good intention Let the love flow

[@neginshayesteh3543]

Thank you Matthew. You've been absolutely helpful. I feel completely devestated, disappointed, heartbroken and lonely. Can't understand how many fucking times do I need to repeat the same mistake and ends up here I am and still being confused of what always goes wrong. Thank you though. You're awsome. Truly!

[@derekchang9135]

Well said. Alignment, Compatibility, Viable builder. To invest in and work on to together.

[@brianhill6842]

I’m gay but I still listen here. I’m just going to say I am so tired of people picking apart and flaw finding. Inorganic, organic, putting on pedestal, love bombing, situationships, avoidant, anxious….it’s all constant bs. Who cares! Like seriously. Just appreciate a person who shows up for you. If you are going to be so obnoxiously picky, you yourselves better be bringing your own A game. When did people decide they need to over analyze every action? Oh I know when! It was when people became obsessed with their phones, social media and so-called influencers/“experts.”

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

Thank you Brian. Yes dating is crap out there. Its so hard to make a connection as its like this conveyor belt fast food sort of thing, and you dont even get a chance to show all of who you are, before they are gone and onto the next.

[@brianhill6842]

@@juliaskagfjord6207 yep and like I said above people are just worried about things that never was a thing years ago. I never was like, “I met someone and it was organic!” 🙄 You can’t even say the words “date” or “relationship” without someone freaking out. They deliberately keep things confusing so they can make justifications for crappy behavior after they do all the things that feel like heading in the direction of a relationship. Heaven forbid you do anything nice for anyone early on because there a “red flag.” Good grief.

[@ParisianStreets]

Everything you said is on point. The challenge is 'to do' it. But how? When emotions run high.

[@aarondk74]

I actually just got out from one 3 days ago. Since January. Shit hurts honestly I confess since she started developing feelings for another guy she recently met and it really hurts. I honestly thought we had something going on. The sex and cuddles we had was different compared to any I felt before. I felt the spark and all. With all the best we gotta keep on moving towards our goal and dreams. Staying in one spot won’t bring anything but depression and agony.

[@Journey4Vitality]

Great video, thank you. I’m new to my area, just got out of 7yr relationship-1 year ago. Just started trying to date, was falling for a guy but held off on the sex-because I want something real again. He says he understands, but disappears at times- I don’t think this is healthy for me. Thank you because this guy and I need to be on a building a level and we are not- it’s just loneliness and attraction. I’ll hold off for someone I can build with and have longterm relationship. Thank you😊

[@saramahdi1722]

I lost hope .. I am smart , educated beautiful lady with a lot of tragic stories and lessons My friend told me ( your story is so sad ) and deep down even though I make jokes about it I am so depressed I have never been in a normal healthy relationship while all my friends did (+having kids ) Every time I try to get into a relationship Something wrong happens And every time I try to be optimistic , read and learn lessons and heal my self , and meet someone good and give it a chance it end up to learn a new lesson about psychology and mind and love .. I hate the fact that it is so hard for me to be normal ..

[@whatdoyoulivefor735]

Sara, girl, I hear you. I feel you. As if you took every word right out of my mind and heart. It is the same for me. Even though it feels hopeless, remember there is hope. I'm becoming a psychotherapist now because of all the psychology I've had to learn through strange relationships and childhood crap. I know there's all kinds of silver linings for you too, and time will reveal the meaning in all of it for you ❤️‍🩹 Since you felt hopeless I'll have hope for you until you get it back again. And keep on hoping with you. Rather, knowing. Not just hoping. As long as we're alive, everything is possible. It'll happen. Let's keep trying, but not let the outside noise trick us into thinking it's too late or that time is running out. It's not, and we can take care of ourselves in the meantime. Keep going. Love, V.

[@moonfish8229]

I sell perfume for a living , in a department store . Me and my female coworkers had encounters where some of our male clients gets fixated on physical appearances of me or my female coworkers . I personally don’t like the attention of a lot of men I attracted . I think beauty is a good thing .beauty is not a curse, but attracts others who are fixated on beauty . Beauty is something tricky to have . Hope you can find someone who can look beyond your beautiful appearance.and See that you are a wonderful person .

[@whatdoyoulivefor735]

@@moonfish8229 this is very true

[@remarkable937]

Was in a situation ship online for 2 years. He said when we meet he is going to be very aggressive sexually and refuse to wear a condom. 😮 I said even though we have been speaking for 2 years online and the phone, I wasn't going to do that right away. He was furious and broke it off.

[@celiaescalante]

The great thing is to find out how to mutually make a situationship into either a friendship or a relationship. Really, not repressing. The actual feelings.

[@IdontspeakBro.]

It’s pretty obvious that this is about patience. If your not patient then you won’t see what you need to see, only what you want to see. If you can’t control your desires then you’ll always fool yourself.

[@lillyl.9614]

perfect timing🥲

[@thiccknife9646]

True

[@cv947]

Mathew can you give us advice about how to handle a situation when our love interest treats us badly (because we set our boundaries not wanting a casual thing and continuing to be open to flirting other guys) when you have to be in the same venue? No one ever covers the scenario when the toxic guy you want to get over is in your environment and you can't physically escape them. First i tried to be the bigger person and not paying attention to his attitude. But now my anger is dripping and if he approaches me I don't know how to react.

[@jasminegutierrez7251]

This video was nice to hear. I want to be in a relationship and even though it can be tempting to have sex with someone right away, it is important first to communicate early on what the intentions are between you and the partner. If you're on the same page then it's a matter of deciding when you are ready to have sex.

[@sateIIitepilot]

It's funny that so many men complain about the shit tests women give them and women complain about being emotionally manipulated and used. What women must realize is that they are the ones with all the power, they have more options than a man will ever have at any given moment and women should cultivate that, always keep your options open. Have male acquaintances and if you value male friendships have those as well. It's very important to have a social circle of men and women. Clubs, groups, meetups, etc. around passions and interests. This is the best way to find a relationship with someone . Some men in this culture will always just be looking for sex because that is what this society teaches them to do, it also teaches women to subvert their power, if a man knew you had options he would be less likely to take you for granted, if he knew you loved yourself and had dignity and integrity he would value you more. A man needs to know you don't need him and can easily end up with someone else.

[@denisewystrach6483]

Sadly, this is no advice we would give to a man, that him sleeping to soon with a woman could result in him being perceived wrongly. But we woman always have to think about this and be cautious 😕

[@Jelly1986.]

I guess it’s too late for me now. Did everything wrong I guess … feeling so sad today even if I know that I kind of lost myself which is only my fault! Thank you

[@bellag6223]

Hugs to you

[@Jelly1986.]

@@bellag6223 thanks 🙏

[@postnutclarity7382]

Promise you I'm adopted so I constantly do this to my self over and over. Your body will have a response to it. Learn to feel.

[@Jelly1986.]

@@postnutclarity7382 thank you

[@pedrodiasesquerdo48]

I feel it too friend, stay strong

[@LumenLiving]

Beautifully articulated Matthew

[@mariafernandes8985]

Hi Matthew how about creating a series of KZbin videos on teaching people to go back to the days the great olden times where Chivalry true gentlemen were good family man, were extremely polite well educated ,loyal ,very generous, devoted ,respectful,confident and so on … I guess I’m an old wise soul trapped in a young woman body, the kind of gentleman that truly knew how to nurture a woman a real lady like a Beautiful flower in direct sunlight …the days when there was no electricity no Tv no radios no social media no phones and in the evening candlelight the enlightenment surrounding peoples hearts and souls,creating and sharing devoted dreams full of powerful memories and Love where time stood still… “ Where do people always look for when searching for happiness or a almost perfect moment they always look back in time”

[@danasilaharisree8556]

Ur a guardian angel who exactly knows wts happening in my life

[@TheKrispyfort]

Situationship. Locationship. These things are real

[@__.Sara.__]

I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate this video! My situation isn't quite the same, but it applied all the same. Thank you for being a positive influence!

[@Priya_the_princess]

He looks so cute and hes so deep and emotionally intelligent ❤

[@Sunny-kl8wy]

Do we know someone after a first date? During a first date? If the answer is no, then why would we get physical? Then, answer that question. And that tells you what you truly want or think you deserve . Dating is a gambling game. I slept with my ex husband on our first “date”. He did go through the ringer with my friends a little and he ended up on a group dinner situation. I wasn’t that into him and he was 10 years younger than me, but he passed the “fun” test and yes, we slept together on our first date. I do blame the alcohol but yeah, it happened. There were red flags when we were dating but like most I excused them away because he was great with me. It just takes time to get to know someone and being truthful with yourself on the red flags that are exposed. Behavior repeats itself. If he did it in one relationship, you better believe he’ll do it in yours. Sleeping with someone isn’t the prize for being a “good boy” we’re not a constellation prize. It’s about bonding on a deep level. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone whether we like it or not. We will look past the things we shouldn’t, so proceed with caution, to all. And I’ve been engaged 5 times. I’m 41 and have observed behavior for a long time. I started following Mr Husey years ago when he first started.

[@covers2343]

My boyfriend and I just broke up 2 days ago. Turns out he cheated on me. I kinda figured he was but just wanted him to have the satisfaction to break up with me. I'm friends with all of his friends and I've heard from them that he is down in the dumps. I feel bad for him and wish him the best though.

[@julietamojica7180]

So True!!! DOES THIS REALLY SERVE THE PATH THAT I REALLY WANT TO BE ON????

[@translevence]

Great video Mathew! So good to get someone with a road map 🎉

[@aeryth77]

Your videos are so relatable and timely always!!! Please don’t stop making them 😊

[@morganpageofficial]

This is a Fabulous video!!!! You da bomb Matt! Thank you!!! I'm feeling proud of myself for how I'm handling a new guy! Great confirmation!!

[@RRthee1]

Thank you very much for this!

[@outootus6734]

Guys that are good enough to get situationships already know what to do and what not to do. I'd love to have one, but it seems unlikely. Perhaps next year...

[@yungmlnd]

This was such a great video. I love how every aspect was explained, and I’m definitely going to utilize this on my foreseeable dates… haha when I feel like it again. Thank you!

[@aleewoolley]

Hit the nail on the head. 🙃

[@yehhshhs]

i don't care about being in a situationship. As long as i can be with him everyday. As long as i can be in his house everyday. And im so happy everyday after work i can go to his house and be wirh him in the same room and so happy im able to talk to him about whatever and then cuddel in bed when we go to sleep! I dont care about ANY SITUATIONSHIP OR NO RELATIONSHIP as long as i can keep seeing him and be with him and know i can go to his house after work =D yeah then i'm happy!!

[@PaulaRodriguez-ih6it]

Mathew i have being following your tips around almost 2 years ago, and i Can say your work is impressive🎉❤ thank u very much for all

[@consistencyiskey_]

Matthew always makes great and helpful videos. Thank you! 💗

[@thematthewhussey]

You're so welcome!

[@anibella5653]

I dont want to wait 10 Dates to See if the sexual Part works… i have no issues with this early on as i go with the flow… and when i want it i do it … depends on the chemistry. For me it is also very important that the sexual part fits as well as all the other parts. What if i Date Someone for several Dates and weeks and Like him and then the sexual Part is awful? I had this Situation and no thanks

[@leilat.3237]

Dear Matthew, is incredible how you have the right words for each specific situation!! Thank you so much❤🙏

[@francom6230]

It's ALL contractual agreements, that's truth ya'll.. I'm old, but for best results, lol,, it's best to mentally 'seperate' sexual need components and the rules of the "relationship" - The only hard part is when either person fails to satisfy each enough.. Keep the biG picture in focus and let the fringe ghings stay fuzzy.. (1+1=2= ❤ That's fuzzy math..🙁)

[@soul-etude]

Why would not you advise someone who loves someone, to actually confess it?? Why, on earth, loving someone can scare off the person who is also interested in them? Why advise to be something else who h you are not from the very start?? Why not do certain things out of fear? If I were a woman that get that confession, I would be happy to start constructing something with this person. If I was not into him already, I would also make it clear. The sooner, the better! Sexual intimacy depends on the way people share themselves. The problem is that girls tend to give up under the pressure of modern life, thinking now it should be right to sleep with someone after the 1st, 2 ND or 6 th date. They can't get one thing is that no one but them can know when it is the best time to give access to the body, because they should get pleasure out of this connection, which is only measured by them! As for natural flow, I don't agree that there are any standards. To me, if a man does not show his emotions early on, I take for granted there are no emotions. One must Never ever hide their emotions. It never serves anyone. let's stop thinking that love can scare off people. If it does at any single moment, it will so any time later!

[@kathleenjohnson2166]

Thank you! Your insight is invaluable.

[@catnap8042]

Really good advice! Thank you 😊

[@jadegreen1554]

A lot of these words sounds like things Jonathan Aslay says. They should do something together. Tbh, all the men should come together (Jay, Matthew, Jonathan, there are many of them) and speak up for women and to educate men about not just engaging with women for “a bit of fun”. It is easy to assume the woman wants the fun too, because they are engaging, but that is an inaccurate and dangerous read of a situation as 9 times out of 10, a female is looking for a meaningful relationship with her interaction, and not looking for a one night stand or someone for a bit of fun. The damage done to women in having that “bit of fun before settling down with the right woman” is wrong and being overlooked. It is not normal and not normal culture, it has only become so recently. People in the past had relationships with intentionality to get married and if they wanted fun they knew the types of girls to pay for to get it. Now we are training boys and girls that having casual night stands is somehow normal, and the guys should be ok treating women like stand-in prostitutes and the that the girls somehow need to be ok with playing this role. Think about it, it was not like this previously, and this progression has only complicated relationships and more importantly, the quality of family, family life and the type of people being produced in the next generation, without a solid concept of a moral compass or integrity. This casual sex thing that works for men, 9 times out of 10, the women have no idea this is happening and are thinking it is more serious, because, think about it - it is plain wrong to think you can have casual sex with a woman (who is not working in that industry) and not have any meaning attached. If the rare woman knows this is what is happening and acknowledges and *agrees* then ok, but more than likely men just assume women are there for their casual enjoyment because they seem to like it too. Where is the integrity that this is wrong to do to another person and I don’t want to be the one to do that? This is what a quality man looks like. Maybe someone, somewhere, thought it was a good idea to start using the mass media to normalize men “playing the field” and “having a bit of fun before settling down” and leaving a trail of innocent women who had no clue that is all they were ever to be, behind. It seemed to have started to be normalized in the past few decades and now “having a bit of fun” is now free prostitution that women seem to be accepting and thinking they’re choosing and men of course benefit freely from, and then choose a woman, after having that mindset, to settle down with. What kind of kind has said man cultivated wrt to treating a woman, and now he is settling down with a woman. How will he treat his wife if he hasn’t practiced treating women properly from day one? Thankfully men like Jonathan, Matthew, Jay etc are moving away from this, but the misogynistic macho men, on KZbin far outshine them, and young men are looking for direction and relief from the woes of growing up and these misogynistic, abusive men on KZbin are winning them over. Women alone cannot clean up after the trauma left after “playing the field/having a bit of fun before settling down” and try to choose a “builder” or a “good man” from the dwindling sea, when mass culture is TRAINING men and upcoming young men, the next generation, that lack of integrity is normal and fine. It is time for *good* men like these to come together and educate the young men who seeking them out. There is a genuine enormous market for young men who NEED direction and that is something these “quality men” who are advocating for integrity can give. A lack of integrity impacts, not just upcoming men, (or men who want to change but don’t know how), the growing sea of womanhood left traumatized by this casual “hooking up” but also every aspect of society (business dealings, sends a mixed message about values in interaction) and has more far reaching consequences than is obvious. Thank you Matthew and others for speaking up, but please do help the men find a way out of this quagmire that has been normalized as well, for all our sakes… 🌼

[@celiaescalante]

Yes. Sex and the type of sex has to be based on reality. That makes a person consentual. Mental age matters, too.

[@brandon-toddhutchinson3798]

2:45 - 3:00 So so so important So big So well said

[@Kimber-bz9fe]

Spot on & well said

[@AmandaExpanded2514]

This is so hard but true!

[@jane5049]

Saving this so I can continue to refer back to it. I’m impulsive and ready to not be.

[@iterealice]

if I've already done the assessment and our long-term values are in alignments with each other, a serious, exclusive relationship with him would enable me to thrive even more. So, how do I start the talk? Like, how should I communicate, what should I tell him?

[@anival9576]

I'm no expert... but I think you should let him start the talk... if he really wants the same thing you do, he will initiate it, won't he?

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

@@anival9576 This is good advice, and as a woman have a time line, how many more weeks you are willing to wait to have the talk. I see that usually it happens between 1-3rd month, and otherwise for the avoidant men up to 6 months in to have the talk of what are we

[@anival9576]

@@juliaskagfjord6207 I don't think there's a hard and fast rule. People vary in how quickly they feel sure about their feelings. I think it has more to do with what you're willing to put up with. My rule of thumb is, "Don't invest more than you are willing to lose." I once worked really hard at a relationship, and when the guy started reciprocating (asking me for things), I realized I just didn't like him that much. I had been sinking a lot of energy into him because I wanted a relationship--not because I wanted him. Seems like you should search your heart. If you're giving pieces of yourself to keep the relationship going, you should move on, but if the relationship, as it stands, is meeting your needs in some way, be patient. It might work out even after six months. I also think drifting away and exploring your options is a lowkey way of asking for a commitment. If he hasn't made the relationship exclusive, why should you? Just do it in a nice way, not a "i'm going to stick it to you for not committing" way.... but then again, what do I know?

[@hh7788ify]

Love the new fresh hair cut 😀i would love to dress mat once, in WIDE trousers. Like high cut Dior pants or nice cargo pants from sacai or so..

[@Lee-li3yx]

I needed to hear this ❤ THANKYOU 😊

[@jaayv9337]

Hey Matthew thank u again for the amazing content. Something I struggle with and I would love to see u talk about it (if its possible of course). It's, in the very beginning of a something how much it's organic to try to get to know that person? I mean, I asked a guy to go out, he accepted it, at the end at the date he said he had a great time and would like to repeat it. But he didnt made any move towards us meet again. I dont know if he needs to see that I'm really willing to invest in him for him to invest back... or if he's just not that interested.

[@mcm6563]

Thank you nice video. 🥰💕

[@teresukisalsabachata8537]

Acting on feelings vs assessing a Viable builder

[@nicoledais4129]

Omg thank you for this!

[@zaa5947]

Hi Mathew love your advice always hits the nail on the head. I am currently in a situation ship super confused. Have been dating a guy since Nov 2022 from then till now we have seen each other 5 times die to the nature of his work hes super busy. He hasnt slept with me says "sex complicates things" which I totally do NOT understand. I ended up falling for him and he has said he wants to end things as he cant see me for 5 weeks because of his work and it's unfair on me. So I said I will wait for him. It has been 2 weeks he has not called or messaged only I have and he does not pick up my calls or replies. Then he answered my call and we left the chat halfway through him saying he is busy and me saying j will wait for him. We didnt reach a conclusion, so a week has passed by and I have not heard anything from him. I called him today but he messaged and said hes with his daughter so I said will call him tomorrow. I am afraid to loose him as he is a really nice guy, treated me very well everytime we meet up and I have totally FALLEN FOR HIM. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HELP

[@Chrisia-Queens]

Please pull back. Stop calling him and messaging him. You need to control your emotions. Mirror his behaviour. If he doesn't call you, don't call him. Don't send him long paragraphs. To be honest with you, Just move on. He doesn't like you, he doesn't want you. he's not attracted to you. He's not busy, it's just an excuse to get rid of you.

[@zaa5947]

​@@Chrisia-Queens hey thankyou for your reply. I do know he is busy it's his work and he is piled under and the other thing about him is he is really honest and will say it how it is. However the thing is I do not believe he hasnt had a second to message to see if I am ok or even call. I just have really fallen for him and I am finding it hard to move on as it was a big move for me to make in the first place finding someone because of my background and I feel I have invested so much into him, into "us" I'm finding it difficult

[@Chrisia-Queens]

@@zaa5947 yes I understand how you feel. But if you want him back, don't contact him anymore. Wait for him to initiate the contact first. I know it's hard.

[@Chrisia-Queens]

@@zaa5947 if he calls you, don't answer straight, wait for an hour to call him back. Don't be so available for him. Never double text. Don't beg for anything. You should work on your self esteem and neediness. You sound desperate. It's not attractive to men. No man loves a needy and desperate woman

[@zaa5947]

@@Chrisia-Queens thankyou I need to know where we stand this is why i am contacting him, because it was left at he wanted to end it as it's unfair on me but I said i will wait then he tells me he likes me and said he would call back but hasn't, he has a daughter who he has at weekends so he gives her time then as it's the only time he sees her. I like him a lot and he was true gentleman for not sleeping with me but always said "sex complicates things" I do not get this.

[@belladamma2345]

I like that couch

[@northofyou33]

Actually, my experience with the love bomber is that he wants to hook you, so he love bombs to seal the deal. Once you commit to him, then he withdraws his love. So he does have intentions, and a plan. He will commit to you. It's just that the plan is nefarious, ultimately. My love bomber married me, got me pregnant, then turned on me.

[@Cobbyyyy4382]

Man I like this guy

[@vikaphotography]

Soooooo well said👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽