Wanting A Husband Doesn't Make You a "Pick-Me"

[@Mom_of_the_Chickies]

I like that you explained that labels slowly devolve from a good thing like the origin of “pick me” to an insult thrown around everywhere. It really takes attention away from what a true pick me is and no productive discussions are being hd

[@Speedcuber6969]

Would you say the same about feminisms? Genuinely asking

[@Momo-po5tn]

Its the anti-bully bully word.

[@nathanmccullough8813]

That's usually what happens to insults that get trendy

[@hannahstriker]

@@Speedcuber6969 Not by a long shot, since "Feminists" have deliberately earned an immensely negative reputation, therefore it appears to be plausible for the rest of us to utilise the name of their movement as an "insult" when appropriate. P.S. I do not happen to be a "Traditionalist" either, both movements constitute "two sides of the same coin" for myself.

[@wardhanicatherine8419]

I was ashamed of my dream of being a wife and a mother. My mother was a career woman and her marriage is falling apart because of lack of attention in their relationship. I can't wait to make breakfast lunch and dinner and give my kids the attention and love they need. I'm so glad your channel exists to solidify my true desires.

[@hannahstriker]

But it does not seem that your mother actually made you feel that way, your past feelings were due to your initial perceptions after seeing her marriage falling apart.

[@nicholedisani6127]

I agree! I’ve only heard pick me girl applied to girls who go out of their way to put down their friends and women around them to look good in front of guys. Wanting a marriage and wholesome family isn’t ‘pick me behavior’.

[@Himanshi.Y]

I've never heard anyone say it was lol

[@kathyalex778]

The original meaning of the term "pick-me woman" was the equivalent of the word for men "simp". Both are supposed to mean someone who goes way too far in trying to please the opposite sex that they just throw out their entire identity, needs, wants, and opinions, in the desperate attempt to find a partner. They would take ANYONE. These words are not being used properly if they are applied to anyone who cares about their appearance and wants to cultivate a romantic relationship. It is normal and healthy to want to attract the opposite sex, how else are we supposed to marry and reproduce? Lol. I care what men think, but I also try not to obsess over it.

[@gialenae6478]

Well said.

[@marinavasquez8813]

Agree

[@Emy9798]

I agree, at first the word pick-me was used to describe women who put down other women to get attention from guys, now that word is used for everyone 😐😐

[@blue4u2054]

@@Emy9798 Exactly! Girls that say things like “other girls focus on their looks, but here I am playing video games” are really looking to appeal to guys by calling other girls vain.

[@painexotic3757]

Agreed. I hate when I compliment a goodlooking woman and get called a "s1mp" lol.

[@jocelynnelson]

What an inspiring message for traditional women! On another note, motherhood has definitely made you more confident, this was a sassier Caitlin 😆

[@theprettyconservative3313]

yes and we’re here for her calling out the shenanigans 👏🏽🌸👀

[@Xx.bygracethrufaith]

the way she goes "then i'm the biggest pick-me in the game! lock me up -- *Oh WaIt*" was iconic levels of Caitlin sass and we stan

[@Hiyori97_]

I was thinking the exact same thing! Lol

[@keeb98]

Something to remember is that whenever someone insults you it is almost always due to an insecurity that person has. You can tell a lot about someone's insecurities by the negative things they say about others. Happy people don't feel the need to tear others down.

[@theprettyconservative3313]

This is so true!

[@AnnaAnna-st2je]

Exactly. Also be careful about taking advice from people whose life you don’t want. That has helped me a lot as well ☺️

[@KerriganTisdale]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@haleytruslow7200]

You nailed it. I definitely suspect that any woman who calls another a “pick me” because she wants a husband is jealous deep down.

[@whatever7588]

Not really. Many insults are valid or true. You’re only speaking about people who are insecure

[@tinahochstetler2189]

Mrs. Midwest, this is such a good thing you're doing, sharing your life and advice with us. I think you're right that a lot of people are just badly hurt. a lot of us that came from broken homes as children, and saw domestic violence as children, never had the chance to see a good, healthy, loving marriage the way God created marriage to be. And so either never aspired to marriage. Or never figured out how to be a good marriage mate and how to find a good marriage mate. So it's really, really great and appreciated to have you here sharing your own life and experiences and wisdom. Especially helpful for girls and young women that are carrying so much baggage from their childhood and from their parents dysfunctional marriage before even their first childhood crush.

[@briannablythe9668]

I just got married to my high school sweet heart two Saturdays ago and I have taken so much advice from you and i am so in love with your content! All I wanted in life was to be a wife and a mom, you make me feel proud and normal about that want. I haven’t been a wife for very long but I am so happy with my life and I feel as if I am living a dream. The advice I have taken from all of your videos helps me be a better wife for my husband! ❤️💗💗

[@MA__]

Hey congratulations on your marriage!

[@macydiy9697]

Congratulations! I wish you a long and happy marriage!

[@alpinefoothills]

Congratulation!

[@kenniefae]

Congratulations! This is so adorable! I hope your marriage blossoms and blooms for decades! ❤️

[@karek4635]

Congrats!

[@wolfsmaid6815]

I´ve been called a pick me, a stepford wife and a na*zi for wanting a traditional family before. But I don´t really care about the namecalling, it´s a last resort for uneducated and close-minded people to deal with lifestyles that don´t align with their beliefs.

[@kathyalex778]

Those people are miserable, ignorant, and perhaps even jealous of your morals and values. Don't worry about them. Truly everyone deep down wants a traditional, close, happy family. It's the foundation for a good life.

[@sydneeeeeeeeeey]

Sheesh, a N*zi? That seems like a really extreme insult, how are people making that leap? 😳

[@MrsMidwest]

ME TOO. It’s horrific. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. I know the pain. 💖

[@wolfsmaid6815]

@@sydneeeeeeeeeey well, I´m German so the conclusion seems to be a little more straightforward for some people^^ But it´s best to just laugh it off I guess. :)

[@wolfsmaid6815]

@@MrsMidwest thank you :) . I know it´s best to ignore incidents like that but they do get to me a little bit every time. It´s nice to know that I am not alone. :)

[@Goat.Cheese]

I dont think wanting marriage/being trad makes someone a "pick me." But thinking you're better than other women because you want those things does make a "pick me". Love you!

[@Mrs.Deanna_Ember]

Its more of a preference, if i like a certain kind of music doesnt mean its "better" than the next persons taste, and certaintly dont see her implying that in this instance either

[@hannahstriker]

It is usually "Feminists" that follow the exact opposite route of shaming women that desire marriage/family. And I do not happen to be a "Traditionalist" either.

[@WhollyHannah]

Back watching this again I’m tired of feeling bad for being a woman!!!!! Your channel is a light in the dark in Portland. It’s very .. different here.

[@jaimiejin7992]

I agree that the human condition is one desires connection and intimacy with a romantic partner. I was a deeply broken individual from an oppressive society, so for the longest time I suppressed that deep desire inside me wanting a husband that would love and take care of me, and I didn't think I was worthy of it. Thank you Caitlin for making contents like this. It really helps me heal, recognize what I truly want and work towards it.

[@rachellamming4989]

I love how you touched on the fact that a number of the women in this online community were not given the proper tools to express our femininity during our growing up years. I've had to learn so many things online. This space is so needed. Thank you again.

[@cityfairy6342]

Hey Caitlin, Something you said half way through sparked a thought in my head. I grew up with a very unhealthy relationship between my parents. My father wasn't the traditional provider who financially takes care of his wife's needs type of husband (my mom is a homemaker and she never had a job). But surprisingly, that never turned me into the "oh I'm gonna be a 100% independent woman and I will need no man" type of woman. If anything, my parents relationship taught what I want in a man; a provider, generous and compasssionate man. I never believed that if my mom got a job and took care of her own financial needs that would have solved the problem. That's NOT a solution for the problem, living feeling like a burden for YOUR HUSBAND can't be solved like that. So it only made sense to me not to turn into "oh my husband isn't going to take care of me financially, I will get a job then". No, I will get a generous masculine man who's not afraid and is willing to provide for his wife and family.

[@kirky3051]

As someone who was raised to focus on school and career and to put guys to the side, it’s almost shameful for me to admit that I desire a husband and children. Even worse that I want to take care of the home and my family. As time passes I’m becoming more comfortable sharing these desires thanks to KZbinrs like you ❤

[@cjdflkj]

Since when did wanting love, respect, family, and commitment become something to scoff at?

[@MrsMidwest]

Exactly 😔

[@Mrs.Deanna_Ember]

Alot are just afraid of the commitment, or had bad experiences trying to make that happen once so they just wave away the notion entirely, but often thats a younger crowd. I'm in my 30's, never married or considered myself a traditional woman, but having a man I could settle down with and be a homemaker has always been in the back of my mind

[@morganalexis6147]

Omg thank you!! I absolutely want a husband at this point. And, I have no clue who to talk to about this in my world that isn't invalidating or would simply allow that desire to be there or be open hearted with me without trying to fix me or tell me ways to improve. I truly desire more feminine connections with women that are comfortable being vulnerable about these things

[@parker159]

Yes❤️🌷

[@cjdflkj]

I wonder if you can hang out with some homeschool moms, especially ones who are involved in a church with lots of young people? They are often more mature, not under the pressure of fitting in, and might have more connections to find a partner? Every mom in my homeschool group would welcome you to like big hang outs. 💕

[@angelnicolee]

Oh my goodness! I feel you girl. I feel the exact same way!💗

[@morganalexis6147]

@@angelnicolee would you be interested in maybe connecting more about this stuff at all? No pressure. Like a zoom call or something like this!?

[@angelnicolee]

@@morganalexis6147 yes, sure! I would love to

[@maryflower2388]

My genuine goal in life is to be a mother. To raise and nurture children. And I’ve been practising for years by working with little kids, embracing cooking baking and being a neat freak which I deeply enjoy being domestic. Call me a pick me idc I am who I am. Not ashamed for desiring a family and motherhood. It’s human nature and I’ll too my damn best to make the best mother and wife

[@annak7598]

I was definitely made to feel ashamed for wanting to focus on getting married and having a home and children. My mum found this unacceptable and forced me to go to University. And of course not having any passion to go to University I enrolled and then withdrew. Enrolled them withdrew in multiple courses and ended up creating debt for nothing. Simply because my mum couldn’t accept that was not my path. Took me a while to understand I can do what I want in my life.

[@ecclesiaxxi6210]

not just you, women are now in a sense forced down the "non traditional" path of study and then career... the non traditional women and push is far far greater than "traditional", we can't call it normal anymore if most women are doing what the boomer feminists wanted "fight the patriarchy" talk about beating a dead horse (in the west I mean).

[@andreaa.1393]

That's literally what my mom is trying to do. But it's our life. God would want is go live that life instead.

[@hannahstriker]

Your mother probably wanted you to get your career on track first and perhaps then focus on building a family. Besides, not going to University/College is looked down upon regardless if one wants to focus on marriage/family instead or not.

[@annak7598]

@@hannahstriker people look down on almost everything. If you aren’t attractive people will think less of you too. If you have an uncultivated voice people will think less of you bla bla bla. If you make decisions on what others will think, will always be unhappy. People will always find something to judge you by.

[@hannahstriker]

@@annak7598 Absolutely, although what I am attempting to convey is that your mother, worried though she was, probably desired for you to get your career on track first before building a family. It is not like she was against you having a family of your own once you became older. At least that is exactly what I understand from your response.

[@Shelfaroundthecorner]

Yes! My husband wanted to be married as much as I did. Approaching our first anniversary now and we are both SO THANKFUL for our marriage and everything that includes. It was my goal (like, written out.) Not so for him, but as he matured, he quickly realized he desired that special kind of companionship. We will never regret picking each other.

[@haleytruslow7200]

I didn’t realize that this is a vulnerable desire until you mentioned it. But it’s true- I don’t even talk to my friends about how badly I want to be married because it is a very personal desire and is not always seen favorably nowadays. But I do. I have the most amazing boyfriend and I would love to be his wife. It scares me, but I want to marry him. I want that lifelong companionship and connection.

[@basicwhitegirl1017]

There is so much focus around being independent that people forget that everyone depends on other people, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong in wanting a husband, there is nothing wrong in being depend on your husband, marriage is teamwork. There is a huge diffrence in being so dependent on a person that if they leave you would have and be nothing, and then having a healthy voluntary dependens on your partner because you two are life companions.

[@karek4635]

That color is amazing on you! Thank you for standing up for women who value marriage and family!

[@booksboundnoveljourneys1122]

This is officially my new favorite video of hers! She summed up all my thoughts and articulated them better than I ever could. Marriage is a sacred bond between two people in love, not an avenue for attention. Love this so much!

[@allienicole1742]

Yes, this!! I sometimes think we as women are our own biggest enemies. The most hurtful things I’ve heard said about women came out of the mouths of other women. And I just don’t understand it.

[@abrararifify]

There's a biological reason for it. Alexander Grace has a video on it. Unfortunately, I can not remember the title.

[@jaimiejin7992]

Those who put down others are insecure and broken. It's not coming from a place of compassion and care. It's not right.

[@phoebemueni9258]

I love this! I often get worried that someone will see my youtube history of femininity videos and assume I'm wierd or trying to change myself but like you said some of us didn't grow up getting this advice and so we need a little help from our sisters online to learn the ropes. "Many people don't achieve the career goals they have in their life but they still say them out loud and work towrds them." You've really helped me verbalize one of my goals to pursue a purpose with a life long partner in marriage. Thank you Mrs. Midwest. :)

[@nicolejrossetti]

Thank you for this video and keeping the valuable content coming for the woman who actually want marriage, a family, and have family values. You’re such a queen!!

[@unabellavita6541]

I had never heard of the term pick me before today. I also have never been put down, ashamed, belittled or anything like that because I am a homemaker and stay home. Maybe it’s because I live in the great state of Texas. In fact, around here when you say you stay home people will reply “that’s the hardest job!” We’ve had countless people fleeing here from other states because they can’t live traditionally without judgment. Im sorry to anyone who has ever felt judgment, criticism or ridiculed for desiring to be a homemaker for their family. It’s an honorable position and one that someone should be proud of. I was an executive for 15 years before I decided to stay home. It was a career many women dream of but it was not where I felt called to. Staying home to serve your family is a vocation, so much more than my job could ever be.

[@Chosenlaur]

I agree with you 100% and I’m working woman and I still want be married and have children. I think it’s a normal desire. I don’t own a lot of pants and people in the corporate will find it weird but it’s because I prefer dresses

[@mary-elizabetharndt]

I’ve always dreamed of being a mom and housewife and have been practicing on my family until then! 😊 I love asking all my 13 brothers and my dad (of course, Mom too) for their opinions on my personality, clothing, makeup, and everything, because they are manly, traditional Christian men, so I want to know what those kind of guys respect and love! ❤️ They are so helpful! I mean, what kind of man are we trying to attract?

[@kaylajames9334]

Amen.

[@sofitocyn100]

13 sons and 1 daughter you parents got? Wow.

[@sweetmagnolias1698]

GIRL I’ve been living my best life since the day I got married! 💅🏻 😄 Love this video Cait! ❤️

[@hope_bear]

Me too ❤️❤️❤️😁

[@JessieAlmighty]

Me too! Eight years of marriage and we have a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I've never been happier.

[@lindsaymorley9290]

Just when I thought I couldn't love Caitlin anymore. Thank you for using your voice to stand up for those who have been called this as an insult. I'm sure it's not always easy to chat about "controversial" topics on this size of a platform, but we can't begin to count the number of women (especially younger women) this video will help. I see these comments the most on Tiktok, the video usually features a woman doing something to better herself, maybe she's going to the gym, eating well, trying a new mourning routine, just anything among the topic of bettering herself. It hurts my heart. Thank you Caitlin for reiterating the fact that there is NOTHING wrong with wanting what you want! Relationships are soooo much deeper than the agreeance to be together. You share goals, dreams, laughs, hardships, so much more. I think the nail was hit on the head at 13:14. People acting in certain ways due to emotional wounds do not, and will never deserve to be hit with this insult. Shame is the least effective motivator you can give to someone. If they are struggling, help lift them up. That is my favorite thing about this community. We lift other human beings high.

[@meganglynn6568]

No I don't think wanting a genuine connection and / or marriage is pick me behavior. I think "Pick me" girls forfeit their identity to look appealing or are desperate for attention. There's a difference between someone who is comfortable in herself versus I think pick me's are not. I have absolutely met pick me girls, but also have heard it thrown around just to insult and belittle other women. SO that sucks. I think you can avoid being a pick me and be invested in finding a potential partner, I really think it comes down to being comfortable with who you are and the difference boils down to desperation vs. confidence

[@MrsMidwest]

Absolutely !!!! Love this comment.

[@marinavasquez8813]

Agree

[@DangerousFacts48]

Everyone wants to be 'picked' by someone. What's wrong with that?

[@ChrisHillASMR]

Universe tosses someone a bone and they think they know all the answers when it mostly comes down to, "I put up with it" or "My life really is that good and Im just lucky and trying to associate my good fortune to something real so it feels legitimate."

[@ChrisHillASMR]

Its like those girls who never were fat, but still work out to be toned and put out youtube videos on how to lose 100+ lbs with a simple workout.

[@anyamiranda9452]

To be honest, at this point, I don't. I've finally made peace with the fact that I'm pretty much invisible to m3n, no matter what I do. The only thing I haven't tried is online-dąting, and that's because I've heard that pretty much everyone from there wants a certain something for nothing. Since I don't want children, I no longer see the point of relationships.

[@ChrisHillASMR]

@@anyamiranda9452 Why do you think so many young girls just do only fans and live a good life. Society is destroyed and unless ur very fortunate its just a waste of time to try,

[@LongLiveLeonor]

Women throw the phrase "pick me" around like crazy to the point where it doesn't even really mean anything to me anymore. You can genuinely like anime and video games and be a pick me 🙄. I'm honestly afraid to see what these women look like if they think taking care of your appearance (shaving, smelling good, wearing feminine clothing) and caring about what your husband thinks is "pick me" behavior. I once saw a post on Reddit where the woman said that wearing dresses, putting on makeup, and acting/looking feminine was upholding the patriarchy. It's crazy out here.

[@seabreeze4559]

funnily enough, Jesus wore a 'dress' so that's hilarious especially since he was a very emotional sensitive guy - feminine qualities so their ideal man.... is Jesus

[@redheaddetective8424]

@Hybrid Vigour Unfortunately true. I’m glad someone had the guts to say it. Most people won’t have the guts because they’re worried about being called racist or homophobic, which is just a way of shutting down conversations that may be uncomfortable, but should be had.

[@rachelpredicts]

@@seabreeze4559 are you talking about tunics? That was male garb. The feminine and masculine manifests itself in different ways depending on the culture. He didn’t cover his hair like women did back then. Because he was a man. And chances are you haven’t read the Bible considering you say he has “feminine qualities” wtf?

[@djinn4895]

"Upholding the patriarchy" wow ain't that textbook projection. They are upholding the patriarchy by attributing these actions to the belief that we always do these things solely because we exist to "serve" men or get their attention...

[@Mrs.Deanna_Ember]

@@seabreeze4559 thats not even remotely accurate

[@ruth1510]

I'm 22 and I recently got engaged to the love of my life that I met one year ago, and your videos helped me immensely! I had NEVER heard anybody talk about femininity and relationships the way you do! It was a game changer for me. Thank you Caitlin for being a voice for us traditional and feminine ladies! 🥰🥰 And to any single feminine ladies reading this, don't give up!! The love of your life is out there. Keep working on yourself and be as feminine as you can be! You've got this ❤️💗❤️💗

[@karissawidder189]

PREACH! I struggled so hard with this before I got married. I felt like I was wrong for wanting to a husband and that I was weak. Thank you for speaking on such an important topic!

[@nadiaaguila4915]

We shouldn't feel ashamed about something so natural. Thank you so much for creating this community and helping so many women that learn a lot from your advice.

[@Kony-2012]

That shade of blue is so pretty on you, it brings out your eyes :)

[@tajayatomlinson5298]

I love how elegantly and graciously you addressed this topic, wonderful!

[@TheNinjaInConverse]

As a single woman who's never dated out of fear I'll turn into my mother and hurt people.... learning about dating from you is comforting.

[@lillianp4076]

I love your sentiment at the end about needing validation from men to feel good enough. My dad has always been distant so I've sought out attention from other men; though now I have a loving boyfriend who has helped me heal much of that pain. Along with this, I know that God has created me perfectly and I don't need external validation because he loves unconditionally. I'm so grateful for you, and your videos!

[@BekahJoyBlog]

Love your channel! I wish this kind of content/community was around back when I was in college as I always felt like people thought it was pathetic to "just" be a wife or mom. Back then it was called getting your "MRS degree" when a christian girl went to college since she hadn't gotten married yet, but that was her main goal in life. But we were just being proactive and not just sitting at home waiting for a man, haha! A lot of girls I know were honest though, that whatever they were getting their degree in was really their plan B. I didn't see what was so wrong with that, but it's kinda like we had to whisper these things in secret or something. I was so offended and hurt when I guy said that MRS thing to me one day, as if saying it out loud made a girl pathetic, she was only allowed to want that and just see if it happened I guess! There is so much more support these days for women who enjoy or are looking forward to being a wife, homemaker or mom! It made it harder to be confident about that goal when so many people put it down.

[@Theunitedcolorsofstyle]

Thank you for being a refreshing voice of reason in a time where being a woman unapologetically is under attack. True feminism is allowing all of us to have our god given right to exist how we choose to and not judge and attack others. I am so proud to be apart of the feminine family and appreciate you so much. God bless you and your family 💕

[@hannahstriker]

There exists no such concept/premise as so called "true Feminism". If the overwhelming majority of self-proclaimed "Feminists" exhibit specific behaviours/characteristics(e.g having a judgemental, captious and condemnatory demeanour)then it is safe to assume the actual "problem" lies within the ideology itself and not necessarily only with it's adherents.

[@takemetothelakes45]

Caitlin, you explained my thoughts and feelings about this topic in the PERFECT way. I agree that the hatefulness and pettiness towards women who want to better themselves in order to attract men or simply have a better quality of life is SO misogynistic. Especially as someone who generally identifies more with the left politically, it’s so common to hear things like “I hate all men,” or “men don’t deserve women,” or “I’m not putting any effort into this unless he does,” as you touched upon in this video. If you state you’re doing something for your body physically (e.g. waxing or haircut or working out), many women assume a man is MAKING you do that. No, I just LIKE to be put together and to look nice for my man! There is nothing wrong with that!!! Thank you for this video - it is fabulous!

[@gemmamclaughlan4373]

You inspire me Caitlin! 🥰❤️

[@animezinglife]

Your perspective on this is such a breath of fresh air, Caitlin, and is definitely one I share. It drives me crazy that women are so critical of other women's desire for a committed, loving partnership when they themselves would jump into it head-first the minute the opportunity became available to them. I've seen far too many women bash those of us who are comfortable enough in ourselves to admit a good marriage is a goal and jump into a marriage with any man who will "pick" them the next second. Their reactions and behavior are rooted in insecurity, and it becomes even more apparent in those instances. Personally, I love the fact that such different women can share so many of the same goals. I'm more on the tomboy side in my interests and how I like to dress (definitely a t-shirts and ball caps kind of girl!), but I love the fact how so many of us can get together and talk about our desire to find that best friend and marry him one day. I've even noticed that as we get older, more women across the political spectrum start being more open about those goals, too. I'm more conservative, but even liberal friends have expressed to me that they want the same things: to build a safe and happy home, to be wives and mothers, and to live a life of fulfillment with their families. Life is hard enough as is, and there's no place in this world for women tearing each other down.

[@makaylasanai]

Wow finally someone said it! I want to be a pick me for my husband! Any woman that wants to be married wants her husband to pick her. Thank you for this video girly :)

[@tajayatomlinson5298]

And only her for the rest of their lives*** I feel a lot of people these days forget that. I am and always will be baffled and appalled by open marriages/relationships.

[@luvmycaleb]

@@tajayatomlinson5298 never understood the open relationships. There is no intimacy.

[@tajayatomlinson5298]

@@luvmycaleb honestly! Defeats the whole point of a relationship but I think that’s the point. There’s no intimacy therefore no vulnerability and no getting hurt. I think people who get in open relationships are probably just tired of being hurt but they don’t want to be lonely. It’s sad really when I look at it from that perspective, and I understand but I personally rather not partake in that. Just gotta pray for them 🙏🏽

[@AllWingsEverything]

Very well said. It feels good to hear a woman confront this bad behavior and hold other women accountable.

[@Deisye0]

I love listening to your perspectives! Being a pick me originally meant to call the women who leave their passions/goals for a man. Another definition would be a women who talks bad about women to make herself “look better”. For example a women shaming another woman for being traditional to make herself look “independent” in front of a man so that he likes her better than the traditional woman. So you’re right, but this term is being misused and misunderstood.

[@seabreeze4559]

there's also women who will agree with toxic men for attention, basically trolling fellow women or gaslighitng us to overlook abusive behaviour and drop any biblical discernment then there's codependent personality disorder, which many of them have i.e. no identity without male simps

[@marinavasquez8813]

Agree

[@jboop6]

I think anyone who calls another woman a ‘pick me’ is truly just insecure themselves. None of it makes sense, there’s absolutely no logic to it. It’s just wanting to judge someone else.

[@melinatedthinka8210]

Yea I think mean/nasty girls say that to feel better about themselves after putting another woman down.

[@eddie9420]

Apperently I'm a "Pick Me" for being ultra feminine but also loving the typical boyish stuff like video games, sports, etc, etc. Don't get me started on the "You aren't a real gamer if your set up is all pink, rainbows and rabbits." Or whatever. Like chiiiill. Lemme be me in peace and let me want a husband. Simple.

[@j.7501]

You’re videos make me feel so understood, you have helped me realise what a healthy relationship looks like and how to go about perusing it. Thank you so much Mrs Midwest

[@lindachamuel5098]

I was raised to be a career oriented woman. But the only thing that I'm interest in is my family and I love slow life. I felt ashamed for that all my life. At the age of fifty I try to accept my aspirations but it's hard. We're really brainwashed by society without even notice it.

[@quelquun2018]

So your currently 50 years old have yet to marry? If so, its not too late for you. Get out there and start dating.

[@Mrs.Deanna_Ember]

I think I just learned to be careful of who I would take advice from,.. I noticed depending on who I would talk to about relationships, if they were going through a bad patch in their life, their 'advice' would reflect that. We tend to get in a one or two lackluster relationships then become cynical of making long term ones happen sometimes, though some women become exceptionally bitter towards marriage and men in general and basically chastises anyone who may have those desires..

[@frochoffthebranch]

““Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and clever in their own sight!” ‭‭Yeshayah (Isaiah)‬ ‭5:20-21‬

[@parker159]

I always thought pick me was in reference to a girl who clowns her friends in front of guys in order to be liked but I think people have taken the pick me girl thing waaaaaay too far

[@MrsMidwest]

Yes! This is where it came from. But now it’s being thrown at literally any behavior others don’t like 👀🙄

[@HaleyMary]

I agree with what you said about how women are shamed now for wanting marriage and family. I do work and enjoy my job and want to be a poet, songwriter and comedian, but I also desire to marry and have a family someday. I've been called desperate before, but that's a weird term because I often turn down guys who I'm not interested in, so it's not like I want to be with just anyone.

[@fariannagreen]

Yeah, excellen't point, totally agree 😊👍

[@michelle.1122]

I’m 37 and never heard of the saying “pick me” 😂 but I love your video and passion on the subject. I’m getting married next year to my best friend and soul mate, I can’t wait.

[@rachaelshea133]

Thank you!!! So many young women need to hear this encouragement 💛

[@DoubleStudentLoans]

Thank you for this. It’s really telling that American women view doing anything to make themselves more attractive to men for long term relationship as a bad thing. Wanting to not be obese? Pick me Wanting to have a body count under 30 by 30? Pick me Wanting to not actively be hostile for no reason? Pick me. They’re just mad that the woman who made this video will actually have a man as she grows older

[@sag686]

I'm in my 30s, and consider myself traditional, and it's difficult expressing this in today's society who push the more of the "Boss woman" more "bad ass woman" trope. I love those characters on TV and movies, but as I've gotten older I have become more traditional and feminine.

[@morganalexis6147]

...I find too lately that the fear of being judged by other women rather than embraced and understood and even seen into is becoming a thing for me also. I fear shutting down to these desires because others don't relate openly

[@brooklynnjellybean6494]

Hi! I have never had the confidence to comment before, but I really wanted to say thank you. You have helped me grow as a young woman. I am only 16, but I have often like I was being judged for being feminine or wearing dresses and skirts etc. You are like the big sister I’ve never had! Thank you so much for sharing with us!!

[@ecclesiaxxi6210]

That's wonderful, many of us felt the same way, this entire society is pushing against femininity and wanting to be a natural/romantic girl. Following the Bible/Church rules helped me stay on a good course in life even when so much was pushing the other way (media, school/peers, work, etc.), if Caitlyn is helping you, that's great, blessings :)

[@unabellavita6541]

Don’t ever abandon your true nature! I think it’s wonderful you are here and find inspiration with Mrs Midwest! At your age I was the same, along the way I became self conscious about the criticism for embracing feminine clothing and mindset. It cause me a great deal of headache and I’m made choices that weren’t authentic to me and my nature. You are a diamond in the rough my friend!

[@marmor3957]

​ @Morgan you deleted your comment when you were trying to associate wh*te supremacist group with MMW over her hoodie because you were wrong. Honestly, if you don't like this content, you are not forced to watch, so I beg you, stop trying to scare people and spreading lies or conspiracy theories about her or anyone on this community. It shows ignorance and hatred.

[@Hon_cb1kr]

I would argue that onlyfans and IG models are the actuals pick-mes of the world.

[@thepretendchristian9437]

Honey I haven’t even watched the video yet and I know I’m about to agree with every point you make.

[@haleycagnassola5005]

I absolutely love this video! I had this same revelation a few months ago. I’m about to graduate college and I’ve realized that I’m never going to be some boss babe career woman. I want to be a mother, a wife, maybe have a small Etsy shop. I sometimes feel so embarrassed telling people that when they ask what I want to do with my degree. You definitely are like my older wiser big sister! Lots of love to you Cait 🤍

[@maddyG7414]

This as well as the ‘not like other girls’ trope have been weaponized as a way to bully other women. I am massive nerd, I am in the sciences, I prefer sci-fi and fantasy over most other genres (although I love me a rom com too) and I love camping, sports and getting down n dirty. I’m not going to accept that those things make me desperate for male attention because guess what? I’ve been turned down by a man who wanted a girl who dressed up more and preferred being out on the town vs in the mountains. I also LOVE clothes and wearing pretty dresses sometimes. It’s just misogyny in another costume.

[@sunnyday_lemonbars]

💯

[@MrsMidwest]

Girl I can’t relate on the camping and muddy side of things, but I love the sci-fi fantasy stuff so much. Husb has to sit through the extended edition LOTR every year! 🥰😍

[@Lavenderbaby]

I love love love these videos Caitlin, truly. Thank you. You make me so much more confident about the desires I have that are constantly being put down by my parents and others. I graduated from college, I got a big girl job like my parents wanted me to.. I’m 25 and I’m READY to enter the next stage in life and when people ask me how I like my job, and how I’m doing, etc. the honest answer is … It’s fine, but I’m so eager to be married and start a family.. And saying that answer, even to people at church, makes me feel like I’m inferior and dumb and ungrateful to God. They want me to say I’m fine being single and that I aspire to climb the corporate ladder… But I don’t want to..! Lol! I know the natural design for us woman is support the man while he provides.. And that it’s perfectly natural to desire to be chosen by a man that I actually am attracted to, and can respect.. And I love videos like these that give me that reminder! 💖

[@ecclesiaxxi6210]

That's natural and normal. I went to uni and then got onto a very competitive scheme in finace/business/accounting at a top company. I was miserable, I've always been romantic and naturally feminine ( and growing up I didn't realise at the time but I was escaping this society via disney later dramas etc.), but being raised in this post boomer society all that was suppressed and women are essentially forced down a particular life path. Against my nature so to speak. If you're from a more educated background then it's natural for parents to push you down that path and into a stable career etc. I was much happier when I was far away from the corporate world, backstabbing, competition, long hours, gossip, atheist too (I was a tiny minority as a devout Catholic who actually was raised to follow the rules and at first it didn't seem like a blessing (loosing my job I mean), but it turned into one I realised very quickly), I really was miserable and finally felt like I could breath. Fyi I'm not saying leave work lol, it's good to have (and what happened to me, happened, it wasn't really planned) just that God can have other plans or turn things that seem bad into blessings and I understand about the job side and people thinking that should be everything. I never gave up believing in true love, that it existed and to wait for it, and it does, I'm engaged to a wonderful Christian man, we are soul mates, "the one" for the other ...true love exists ^_^ My point is, stay strong, pray and if they want you to say something you don't mean, that's not great either, what are you supposed to do, lie? be fake? ... -_-

[@Lavenderbaby]

@@ecclesiaxxi6210 thank you for this encouragement! I’m so happy for you for getting out of this tough corporate world and for finding your man 😍 I’m just trying me best right now to grow where God has me and and prepare to be the absolute best wife when that season arrives!

[@quelquun2018]

Nothing wrong with doing or wanting both. I graduated nursing school (registers nurse) but I still a husband and children of our own. I’m glad that i have my career to fall back on just in case my husband could no longer provide for our family (he passes away/ gets injured etc). You did good babes

[@anyamiranda9452]

Do m3n who are willing to providę still exist? Genuine question. In my Eastern European country, you're considered a very lucky girl if he offers to bųy you even a 1$ can of juice.

[@MacNCheeses]

You have inspired me so much

[@sakurablossoms2025]

Yes! Yes! Yes! Love your videos, Cait ❤️ thank you big sister! I am only just in my mid twenties, married with a toddler. I was married 21; so very young to some people. I have struggled to not feel embarrassed for not having a career in the corporate world, like somehow that made me a failure. I’m not a “pick me” for being fulfilled by homemaking. Knowing that there is a feminine community online really inspires and encourages me 💜✨ Love to all of you in the #femininefamily from Australia! 🇦🇺

[@marina_fe]

My "pick me" experience is a bit different. I like video games, heavy metal, lifting weights and robots (if fact I work with robots) while I also like feminine fashion and makeup. I have been called "pick me" countless of times just because they say I do this to be cool and because some men find me attractive for the way I am and my interests. The difference is that I genuinely like these things. This is who I am, I've never done it to get attention or be "cool". I didn't know that women were also called "pickme" for wanting marriage. What I want to say with this is that it doesn't matter what you do. There will be always someone who calls you "pick me". Just do whatever makes you happy.

[@Yana-nr2zi]

I think it’s so great that you are sincerely into all that. Sincerely enjoying these typically masculine things is what makes the difference. And femininity can take on so many forms! It’s not all dresses and baking cakes. Caitlin spoke about it a lot. A friend of mine always said she wanted to be a pilot. Well she is well on her way to become a fighter pilot and yet she is so feminine and traditional. I love ships and maritime history and I’m a dress wearing church going housewife. I think being honest with ourselves about what we like and expressing our creativity and continuing to learn is very feminine.

[@xixi6462]

we shouldn't be afraid of being called a pick-me. I am more afraid of being (called) a degenerate.

[@himehime90]

In my country in the middle east it's the normal thing to ask men if they want to get married from the beginning of the relationship , they judge you if you don't want as it's not yet acceptable to have not serious relationship

[@morganalexis6147]

Yes! I'm also feeling a ton of pressure to push myself into defining myself by a career or a job or money even rather than validated for the unique desires I want and them being good and okay without it seeming limiting or like I cannot have a man that would want the same things as me and yet a beautiful and vibrant life too

[@AP-pb7br]

I’m watching this while breastfeeding my first girl. Four years ago I started dating her dad and on the third or fourth date I was like: “I’m a family kind of girl. If that’s something you can not envision in your life, there’s nothing wrong with that, but please tell me now and respect my wish and the fact that I run on a much tighter schedule than the male counterpart.” The rest is history. Being loyal to our wishes, whatever they might be, is sexy.

[@row9220]

It seems like everybody has higher standards and worse personalities, so nobody gets anybody. People act like they should never have to work on themselves or make any type of self improvements. You have to be the type of person that is going to attract the quality mate that you want.

[@TicketBackToThe90sPlease]

I’m getting married in August and so happy that my fiancé and I picked each other. I want my husband to be to pick me every day and these angry people are irrelevant to our life and happiness.

[@alliecat7569]

I absolutely love what you said, that we are doing the picking. I just got out of a relationship where he was yelling at me “I could have any girl I wanted and I am picking you” I told my mom that he said that and she said the same thing you did. “He’s not picking you, you are picking him.” After he had said that it was like, oh I better act accordingly or else he’s going to go after another girl. I’m so glad you made this video. It’s something I have been struggling with lately because I am going to school for a career and lately have been just desiring a husband and marriage. In today’s world that is seen as week and it’s so frustrating. Thank you! ❤️

[@barboracerna6283]

Dear Caitlin, I can not express enought HOW MUCH I love you for being a voice of homemaker 😍❤️❤️❤️🤣🤣 fresh full-time homemaker (for 3 months now 🤣)

[@arisunshine6559]

What!! I have never even heard the phrase “pick me” before very informative and I hope being called this doesn’t deter any women from continuing on their journey to find love!!! We all deserve it and actively trying to be feminine and find your future husband is not a bad thing nothing to be ashamed of

[@domingl2342]

That I know, a "pick me" girl is a woman who brings down other women, by making themselves seem unique. Examples included " I'm not like other girls, I like video games and can eat a whole pizza" or "I don't hang out with women because they're drama. I'm one of the guys." I have never heard a woman being called a "pick me" for wanting marriage or being a homemaker.

[@seabreeze4559]

it might be valid if she's gaslighting other women to overlook red flags or abusive behaviour, just because she does

[@seabreeze4559]

@@planckismus pick-me is not a hobby, it's defending trashy men and effectively gaslighting women that abuse is normal or worse, masculine

[@HatandTie]

Correct. I’ve never heard someone call a woman a “pick me” for wanting to get married

[@domingl2342]

@Planck Ismus I understand what she is talking about, but that is not what a pick me person is. No one is shaming women for wanting to be a homemaker, wanting to better themselves or fashion. I think many of us want to find someone and build a family.

[@winterishere440]

Pickmes are women that put down other women in order to elevate themselves in the eyes of men (or so they think). That being said pickmes are now calling other women pickmes for... you guessed it!...to put down other women who have a more feminine interest because they can't elevate themselves without bringing other down.

[@francescalatzer6690]

Thank for the video! I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I am most nervous about PostPartum. Would LOVE a video on advice about PP- physical, mental, emotional etc.

[@quelquun2018]

I think she made videos on that already.

[@politicsinpink]

"send me to pick me purgatory" 🤣🤣 love that

[@patriciag6127]

This was so beautifully said. Thank you for taking the time from your very busy season of life to make this video.

[@MelanieWritesStuff]

“Send me to Pick Me prison”… 😂 You’re such a gem 💎❤️🌸

[@rysamartinson9189]

Last year in 2021 I started valuing a more traditional lifestyle. I never saw myself where I am today, I changed for my husband and my son. Hopefully we will be blessed with a baby this year 💗 love listening to your videos while I clean.

[@Smalltowngirl96]

It’s a rainy day here and I thought it would be a perfect day to binge on Mrs.Midwest videos only to see you posted a new one! Yay! So glad to see more content from you! 💗

[@SoftLightASMR]

Oh wow, thank you so much for voicing this. I had the burgeoning art career, rubbing shoulders with the elites but it caused me to long for motherhood, becoming a wife and making a home. I left my career at the beginning of covid to become a full-time home maker and I have taken immense flack from other women over it. Some of them act as if my walking away from the "dream career" is a betrayal of my gender. It has been difficult to stomach and I'm incredibly thankful for this community as it has helped me to have the gumption necessary to stick to my convictions.

[@chloeking4208]

Cait, I really enjoyed listening to your take on this topic, and I agree with you completely! I would personally love to hear more marriage related content from you as well! 💕🌸

[@ells1575]

I love that you express such a balanced view and make it clear that you support the goals of all women, traditional or modern! 💞

[@Newgrist]

Good to see that you're doing videos again. Enjoy the lakeshore with your family. Spring eventually does come, even here!

[@ziyamalik1666]

Wanting a husband isn't a pick me. Being a wife and dormant to the man who isn't your husband is a pick me

[@Nymph_lovespell]

Oh my gosh, yes!! So happy to see you speaking the truth! I’m a huge fan of your ‘real talk’ videos, because I 100% agree with everything you say, and I feel like in a world obsessed with ‘boss babes’ and man-haters, it’s impossible to find women to connect with in real life who share the same passion for traditional femininity and who aren’t buying into the modern narrative!

[@sasha5904]

Gosh, right on the money, Luna. When I sit down to chat with women, even those I've not known for long, it's always “ I'm glad I got to be selfish to live my dreams. I'm happy I didn't get married.” I'm there thinking I can't wait wait to be making jams and doing homework with my kiddos, and cooking for my husband. But no, such sentiments are greeted with stares.

[@tlimsp2313]

Truly grateful for you, Caitlin! You help me be a better wife for my husband 🥰

[@mr.j3371]

Yea just ignore those stupid feminist types that make fun of other women for wanting a man/husband. They're just jealous and they have nothing going in there life so they get a "kick" out of making fun of other women. It's jealousy.

[@athena_verse8001]

I wish your content was around when I was on the dating scene. I am a happily married mama of 2, and my guy did kind of just fall out of the sky I totally lucked out 🤣 but I felt a lot of shame for a long time about my desires. Your videos have helped me so much. Our society needs you. ❤️

[@Michaeladechatillon]

Thank you for another amazing video, we love you and support you!