What Breakup Is Like For The Dismissive Avoidant | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

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In this video I talk about what a breakup is like for the dismissive avoidant. Especially if they are the one who is being broken up with!
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
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[@Zullala]

I feel so bad for my DA ex. I broke up with him because I was tired of feeling invalidated and that my needs should be repressed in order to make him feel comfortable... But I can see how much pain he's in and it breaks my heart! I would like nothing more than to go back to him but I know I can't survive in that kind of atmosphere. I'm just not ready. I've made big steps towards understanding both myself and him. But I just don't have the energy to be the only one researching, going to therapy, working on my self love and biting my tongue. I know he's put in effort, a lot of effort for his energy levels and again it just breaks my heart to say this, but it's not enough even if it's all he can spare. I just want to hug him and tell him it'll be ok. I can't see him again because it'll be too easy to get sucked back into the cycle. It's so sad!

[@evas6052]

could not have said it better myself.....so sad

[@mariaarroyo-segovia4448]

I feel you, I’m living the same.

[@Cafelattechic]

Same here 😞

[@sarahguttenbeil5411]

You’re not alone. The way you feel makes totally sense. I feel the same way about my ex.

[@SmartStart24]

Wow are you me? I feel the exact same way. I always told him I recognized him trying but I couldn’t understand why he just couldn’t try a tinyyyy bit more, enough to made me feel cared for by him. I wasn’t asking for that much.

[@amaliaesposito3942]

I really miss my D.A ex. Life is good now, i'm taking care of me and alot of the stress was our relationship. But damn I can't lie I still miss that guy. I know he was goodhearted, but he just didn't understand this concept. Maybe one day he will. I hope for that, he wasn't the best bf but he deserves to be happy. Hope he rememebers me and looks into these things and grows.

[@seguna]

What a beautiful message. I feel you

[@SheIsNaimah]

Wow. I feel the exact same way about my ex husband. I did all I could do to help him see it, but he felt there was nothing wrong. I pray he is able to find healing for himself and growth as well. 💝

[@teresareid5034]

things always happen for a reason and it’s nice that you now know you deserve so much better and have strayed to move on missing him will get better with time I feel when you have had a unhealthy relationship with somebody it takes abit longer to get over this but so much them but the relationship as it was properly do deep I’m 15 month into splitting from my ex and at times it’s still hard to take but it’s coz I put my whole life into him so I think you feel it more but you and I know I will be so much happier in the future we learn from past relationship and heal from them in a natural way you will be able to move on and be happy with you x

[@nidhi9026]

I feel this!

[@allaboardthegravytrain5987]

District attorney?

[@tinkerz72]

I left my DA for good. I told him I loved him but that I knew he could not love me in the way I needed. There were no games, just truth. I’m sad but oddly feel reliever because the pain of being with this man is over.

[@alexpapasi61]

me too!

[@suegoto6924]

Me too

[@AliValentine143]

1 week here. Phew I feel the relief but I'm grieving too, honestly I've felt worse while in the relationship so I'm hoping the moving on and healing happens sooner than a healthier bonded connected relationship.

[@paniq_fnite]

@@AliValentine143 if you’re an FA, it somehow really takes about 2 months but finally your coping mechanisms and internal psyche will start to numb/heal and you won’t be in so much pain, if you continue the self-healing as well. Be extra kind to yourself during this :)

[@tulinbeyduz920]

i hear you . it’s a double edged sord. if it’s just as painful write then

[@troyl5498]

It is a form of catharsis to write this. I am 99.99% certain that my former relationship was to and with a DA. It hurt worse than any relationship I'd ever been in. Being with her, suffering through involvement with her really made me dig down deep into myself to find answers because, for me, being with her was a form of unintentional torture. I recognized my own brand of attachment anxiety before I had some kind of title for it. I was "triggered" 24/7 with her. All I felt was bad, neglected, unimportant, irrelevant, a pest. Yet somehow I loved her more than I ever had anyone else. Though I miss her like crazy, still, it's best that the relationship is over with.

[@brucebacchiocchi1799]

Wow, You said exactly the way I've felt with my girl for 22 months. 3 wks no contact because I told her I missed her as we both were sick and she had some Girls dinner parties. She can never understand when I ask her if she could discuss with me when she gets invites. She thinks I'm gonna control her and say No. Instead all I want to do is figure out how we can get together with conflicting schedules. Yes im a AA. I miss her a Lot. Thais is on the money as to what they say and how they will act at different points of the relationship. My Girl doesn't wanna hear it. I don't wanna walk away but I feel she may cause we are in the power struggle phase and she is bringing up everything that's ever bothered her as a " Flaw Finder". Hope it works out. Giving her space. We shall see.

[@Leadan86]

I feel your pain, you put it into words better than I could. Such a painful experience.

[@manuelqsjr]

I feel you my friend. It was a perfect honeymoon stage and I rushed to marry her. And now I'm not happy but I made a promise I must keep. She will have to leave me but I don't believe she ever will because she knows I'm always here for her.

[@LeeChrissy]

@@brucebacchiocchi1799 honestly, as a FA, I don't like to feel that I have to share what I'm doing with my partner. If it comes up then I mention it, but I can see why that would bother her. I don't expect my partner to do it either. If it's about spending time together then a simple "Are you free to hang either this night or that night?" is good. I know we all have certain needs that we need met, but that would push me away. Like my last DA partner would say "That's awesome! Have fun." and then maybe bring up seeing me the next day and not conflating the two. Does that make sense?

[@exxcaliburs6002]

So what happened?

[@Merbella]

Not all DA'S were neglected. Many are from parental smothering. Please talk about both sides not just the neglect.

[@arlinscarlet]

I believe Parental smothering IS a form of neglect.

[@carolinelaronda4523]

@@arlinscarlet good point - smothering is overcompensating with a lot of one thing and neglecting other critical needs completely

[@tamarafletcher7965]

@@arlinscarlet Well said

[@SimplyNailArt]

I'd like to hear more about this because my bf is DA and he has the most perfect parents lol

[@arlinscarlet]

@@SimplyNailArt I believe you can’t judge by the actual situation of their parents, from what I know their attachment style was formed in the early stages of their life, so it could be anything that happened during that stage that made him this way.

[@BedsideAdvice]

This came perfectly in time. My dismissive avoidant and I just “broke up” :/ thank you so much, Thais. You’re the best !

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

sending you love - PDS team member

[@estherh.1106]

Same! :(

[@BedsideAdvice]

Shawn F yeah I think similarly to you. I also feel like I know this person better sometimes than he realizes. I’m kind of a mixture between anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant and secure hahaha I feel like I have “qualities” from all of these types. But I’m definitely becoming a lot more secure because I’m working on myself. And usually when I really like someone I’m anxious preoccupied. Ish. What about u ?

[@BedsideAdvice]

Esther H. Aww I’m sorry to hear :/

[@BedsideAdvice]

Personal Development School - Thais Gibson thank you so much !

[@test1test219]

They don’t feel anything. Meanwhile anxious partners are left in shambles!!!!

[@hueyandmo]

Did you even watch the video?

[@OneDanae]

@@hueyandmo I think that was fresh pain talking.

[@erin9243]

Narcissists (who also have a DA attachment style )feel nothing and will callously leave their partners in shambles. DAs who are not narcissists do not have that element of intentional cruelty and will experience pain after a breakup. It’s important to distinguish between these 2 types as they are often mistaken for one another.

[@chrisreid3340]

A da put a reply on one of these blogs saying it’s not the da fault and that they can’t share with a partner and they went on to explain their side of it but emphasised they could not talk to their partner about it,so I suggested they print their reply and leave for their partner to read ,guess what ,,,,,she never got back so I presume the Penney dropped and she thought “oh yeh never thought of that”

[@chrisreid3340]

I am haveing great difficulty following this vid,I not being rude but you seem to be searching for what you want to say ,I find it very distracting

[@grayhalf1854]

When I'm single I tend to be very self-sufficient and don't fall into a relationship easily. Once I'm in a relationship my insecurities tend to get activated and I become much more needy. I wonder how common this pattern is.

[@mayur1397]

Very much.

[@Leadan86]

This is me happy on my own like my own company, but when I get a attached to someone I get a tad needy, think it's trauma from past relationships, it is for me anyway.

[@nimishapathak199]

Pretty much the same. Don't know how it happens.

[@ULTIMATUAM]

It’s an attachment wound. Can’t trigger it without an attachment

[@DayaTom]

"my" da just ditched me after 11 months of a good long distance in the middle of an argument, when I expressed I needed some time to process the situation, he just said "goodbye". It was clear I just needed some time and didn't want us to end. He on the other hand has been completely ignoring my attempts to talk or say goodbye in a civil way. I'm more of a secure but fearful-avoidant in the past. DAs know how to locate and rip your beating heart out while you're still breathing. We deserve better than this.

[@adamguzman8652]

Same here. Mine was a Fa

[@DayaTom]

@@adamguzman8652 That makes sense! After a little more digging I think he was an FA as well appearing to be DA. FAs a lot of time have common characteristics with borderline personality disorder. Check it out.

[@TruePathLiving]

Any update ?

[@DayaTom]

@@TruePathLiving Yep.. after half a year of no contact sent me an apology letter and has been ghost ever since I replied. Stay away. Not healthy type to be involved with.

[@kristitarr7696]

Me too! It hurts!

[@howtosober]

The first thing anyone that isn't a DA should know about what breakups are like for the DA is that a) No, they're not sorry, b) They're not at all interested in knowing or caring about how they hurt you and c) In the unlikely event they come back, they will expect you to treat them as if nothing they did to you in the past ever happened and act like they're being wronged if you ever bring it up. They created whatever story was convenient for them to make themselves the good guy and you the enemy, therefore you deserved to be left because they "had to get away" from you. Remorse doesn't exist for DAs.

[@rach4889]

this is exactly what I needed to read to understand more about my exes actions - thank you

[@bobbooey45]

You must have dated the same woman I dated. Anytime I tried to explain something she did that upset me, I was “Digging up the past” but she had no issues doing it to me all the time. DA are really a nicer cousin of narcissists.

[@nevermind3644]

Do you have a video about when the DA is the dumper, not the dumpee? That would be helpful - thanks.

[@0Demiyah0]

Loving the DA reminds me of Khalil Gibran's beautiful poems: Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it be like a moving sea between the shores of your souls. And I believe when you can master to balance the tension between independence and togetherness, intimacy and freedom, then your love may become as deep as the ocean.

[@amaliaesposito3942]

Beautiful=)

[@Lily59265]

TY TY Maia, This totally is how I feel about love and its expression in the healthiest expression. Independent coexistence. Supporting one another in their own independence = interdependence & not codependence #Self Worth #Self Care #Self Love #Infinite Possibilities

[@nicolemach3697]

Can you please make content when the DA does the breakup.

[@crl122486]

They monkey branch onto the next person a few days later to avoid the guilt of the previous relationship for a start.

[@nicolemach3697]

Christian i agree. That’s why I learned to detach immediately.

[@teresareid5034]

@@crl122486 wow how true my ex partner as with somebody a week later after a 6 years relationship I think he needed his ego stroked

[@MeAnINFP]

@@crl122486 So true

[@blackpanter9572]

@@crl122486 that's what happened with my DA. After 7 years of non committal relationship but the every now and again I love you not said in vain. He then turned around and dating someone else. He just told me he loved me not ever a few weeks prior. I know he loved me. It's completely unsettling.

[@vanessar353]

Didn't really answer how a DA handles, or what they experience during a breakup.

[@luckystarxx]

My anxious ex fiance would always bring up 'break up' everytime we argued. It sent my alarm bells ringing how he could abandon me any time (I am DA), the last time he brought up it up, I just agreed. I've had a very hard time accepting and moving on, it's been almost a year :(

[@sunleepark761]

Are you sure you are DA? What I have gathered is they feel relieved for many months then repress repress repress burying themselves in other things.

[@jessicamessica2271]

Im a fearful avoidant, I dumped my dissmissive avoidant for the second time because I felt like he was always rejecting my bids for connection, ignoring me and ignoring my need for emotional support in a difficult time. I wish I had found this channel sooner. I really love him so much but he gave me so much anxiety. I didn't realize the ways I was triggering him because he wouldn't tell me what was going on inside. Maybe someday we can make it work but que Sera, sera at this point, he won't talk to me at all

[@tequilabumbum4373]

Dis you guys reconnect?

[@Vanibabi973]

Same thing happened to me. I'm an FA, he is DA. Now we are talking again. I realized that I triggered him and he never told me anything. What I learned.. I have to be super transparent and consistent with my warmth. When he is quiet or not talking much, I now don't get anxious. I let it be. I finally understand him. My shutting down.. He took that as a rejection and a judgment. So now I'm working on not shutting down. And talking it out. That when he saids nothing or answers the next day, it's cause he is overwhelmed by my emotions and needs time to process them. When he comes back and continues. I don't react. I act appreciative. Not over doing it. They can smell fake Ness and neediness. I say my thank u's and then give him space. When he comes to me about anything personal. I let him be and I show him warmth. I let him know that I like his honesty and thank him. When he expresses doubt and fear, I tell him how I feel, that also i understand, and that I accept it and his feelings. No convincing him to see my side. No swaying. Cause then he will feel violated and resist. When I do it this way, he is then receptive of me. He takes what I say and starts to change. It finally clicks for me. I understand his deactivating and pushing away. I know now how to respond in a positive way that he starts to see things differently. No need to yell or fight. They listen deeply. When presented with emotions, give them space to process. Like a day or so and then proceed as if nothing happened. Don't bring it up again. They are learning. This will get easier as they will slowly start to open up and start to warm up to theses emotions. Then they will have so must trust and connecting gets easier.

[@melindaalamsyah5657]

@@Vanibabi973 ohmygod, ive been w him for 10 months and i didnt understand him at all, he was lisneting all along, but i always push him to see my side and do things with my way :(, now its been 2 weeks since we broke up bcs i want him to give me morr affection :(, but 2 weeks from now we re agree to see each other and talk things through, hope i can be with him again and make up for everything, and learn to understand him moree.. please pray for me :(

[@blueblue6760]

@@Vanibabi973 wow, you’re incredible! You must have worked hard to get to that point of self control in your own emotions and not leaning into your trauma responses to cope. I hope to one day master this while i continue to heal my FA tendencies and showing up/giving love to DA’s in their own healing process in a healthy way

[@inzhuna]

@@Vanibabi973 Hi! Is it okay to ask you how things are going a year later? I'm only just getting to the place where you were when you wrote the comment. Did it ever get to feel one-sided, all this work you've been doing, or did you find it fulfilling, nourishing? I kind of got to the point where I've also let go and I just want to share love and safety without expectations. Kind of letting go of this damaging transactional way of looking at love. But there's a tiny voice inside of me that's also questioning if I'm not abandoning myself and what I want from a relationship, if that makes sense. I'd appreciate your insight since you're in a similar situation but much further along--if you feel comfortable to provide that insight, of course. Thank you for your comment in any case!

[@demitraschmidt3459]

Thank you so much for this. I am DA and my boyfriend and I were just about to celebrate our anniversary when he wanted to end things. In the past I struggled with committment fears, but with him I learned that it is not something to be apprehensive of. When he broke up with me I was so emotional for the first day, but since then have hardly felt anything, like a big wall was put up like you say. I felt guilty, and this makes more sense and is someyhing that I also need to work on. Thank you thank you thank you

[@sarahs3185]

My DA ex broke up with me when they had met someone else. For the past 8 months I have been doing so much work and reprogramming to heal my abandonment wounds. I gave her the space and freedom I thought she needed. After 7 months of no contact we recently had contact with each other and arranged to meet. She told me she's the happiest she's ever been in her new relationship but she feels awful because she wished I was the happy one. I am so lost in understanding how she could be so happy with this rebound and what that means for me because I still love and miss her everyday. I don't know how to let her go

[@Kyrmana]

Sounds like she found someone more fitting

[@hmanfilms]

I think you might still be hanging on and holding out hope. You need to tell yourself every day, first thing in the morning, midday, and at night. “This relationship is over. I do not want or need a relationship with her anymore. I am happy on my own. I will meet someone better.” And affirm this until it’s drilled into your subconscious. Meditate on detaching and learn to make room in your heart for peace and acceptance that the relationship had its place, but it is done.

[@landdcollection]

Thais, could you please make a video about what avoidants go through after they initiate break up (especially after a long term relationship)? Your videos and courses have been absolutely groundbreaking and have helped me heal so much. I’m still struggling to understand my DA mindset behind leaving a good long term relationship instead of being up to fight for it. Thank you yet again!

[@komatsu8169]

When i left my DA I thought he would fight for us. He has tried to dump me twice and i fought that we remain together. But when i dumped him, he was more than happy to let me go. That really puzzled because I know when a guy loves you they'll beg you to stay, i had started researching about attachment styles then, i just couldn't believe that he was a DA as i thought maybe he just didn't love me, but over time i see his character laying out and matching the traits of a DA.

[@tulinbeyduz920]

@@komatsu8169 sometimes love isn’t enough .

[@amazing5165]

@@komatsu8169 did he ever reach out?

[@komatsu8169]

@@amazing5165 I am the one who is always reaching out to him. Always!!!!! First time i reached out i called him then quickly hang up the phone, he then called back and we spoke about what happened and life in general. He would pull back quite often, i visited him twice then he started to withdraw significantly. He rejected me so hard to a point of blocking me, and i lost my mind... It was crazy! He then unblocked me after 2 months, again I reached out first. We planned to meet up then he cancelled last minute. Again he decided to be distant and cold. Then he blocked me again, and unblocked me. Again I am the one who reached out wanting for us to meet up... We are kinda still in contact. But i know he will never reach out. I am the one who must if i want us to interact.

[@komatsu8169]

@@amazing5165 Did your avoidant partner reach out? What's your story?

[@Jessica-hf3sm]

Please do a video about DA’s jumping into rebound relationships!!!

[@zweihander9110]

I miss her, but it's better this way DA people havr this life draining ability. I was tired and not in a good mental state. Now I do still care but there is no point in hoping that she will come back these type of people are loners and antisocial, they think that avoiding confruntation is the best way to handle any situation. I had to let her go and figure out dor herself what she want. Never be the one doing all the work because it ia exhausting. You will burnout in one or two months. Then comes the stage where you hate them and try to talk to them about things but no use the harder you try to talk to them the harder they will shove their fingers in their ears. Leave them and if they truly cared and miss you they will come back. Or not, but don't get your hopes up.

[@elle381]

Is it weird that when I'm feeling triggered lately, I reach for this channel and PDS instead of any actions with others? In b4 youtube rips this channel away from me #AnxiousPreoccupiedLuckandMusings Thank you Thais..

[@ARbode3]

My DA boyfriend was very supportive when I first started doing work on myself. I never asked him to do it himself because I know it will make him run off but he is applying my new skills on himself now.

[@monikori6473]

Amazing!

[@mer-ced-es]

Another brilliant video 🥰 it's amazing how things start making more and more sense the more that I watch you. My DA also shut down and pushed backed after I finally said "I'm done". I felt like he just didn't care but seems like this was his reaction bc he did care a bit. That's nice to know even though he's doesn't put enough effort for me. So thank you :)

[@HandmadeItalianLeather]

What if the DA PUSHED an AP to break up with them?

[@cherisew]

Rebound quickly to avoid pain... hmmm. But a rebound never lasts.

[@DELIVERANCE-TODAY]

Emotions are meant to be recognized in order to help us get our needs met. Great video, thanks!

[@brandonsanborn8527]

I left my dismissive avoidant ex and then got rejected by her when I tried to get her back. Really wish I saw this sooner; but it is helping me understand her better and be at peace with the process. We’re making progress! Thank you so much, Thais!

[@graceanncalansingin9105]

Same.

[@londonsounds6212]

I just can't thank you enough My wife and my marriage is making SO MUCH MORE SENSE NOW. She's DA, I'm secure. Thinking of doing the course too

[@saz6511]

You summed me up and made me realise a lot in 10 minutes, just when I was about to spend a fortune on therapy 😂

[@OneDanae]

Are DA's open or emotionally available to ANYONE (family/friends who have been in their lives a long time) or are all their relationships shallow? Does anyone see the true personality or have an awareness of how the DA feels?

[@blazingrakudan8562]

In my experience, my ex DA had no close relationships. In fact, they told me I was the closest they’d gotten with anyone.

[@scarletsletter4466]

In my experience, all their relationships are shallow. It’s sorta interesting because I’ve seen DAs who can talk about emotions to folks they barely know, like in AA meetings, but not to their own family or partner

[@jfn467]

And if the DA breaks up because they can't handle someone that actually do care for real unconditionally about them; "Oh I'm so busy with my studies/work/whatnot at the moment so I don't have time for a relationship in my life right now, and you definitely will find someone who will be much better for you than me".. 😢

[@jfn467]

(And she was right... I did...)

[@tinkerbellUK]

Wow!!! Exactly nail on the head!! I never lowered myself to a level of disrespect towards him. Hopefully when he looks back he will regret losing me as i genuinely cared a great great deal about him. He told me i deserved better and we are different people

[@chiaraA.]

exactly what I got in a text break up - without warning - verbatim - so shocking that I made a vow I was never letting them in my universe again

[@shilpimukherjee]

I wish I saw this few months back ...I have already been stonewalled 😔

[@pikapoka17]

Thanks! Could you please also make a video about an AP and breaking up? I am one and could really use some insight into my feelings from your perspective as my DA and me ended our decade-long relationship a few days ago (it was a mutual agreement to do so). I have been working on myself and am able to see things from a broader point of view, however my healing in general is not over yet and this break-up, though it was not a surprise, has awoken some unpleasant feelings and I would like to work on them. Thank you

[@jonathanberkley6626]

I am an AP in the process of doing the work to become a securely attached person, after involvement in an intense relationship with a DA for 7 months (a text book example of the anxious/avoidant trap). It has been 8 months since the break up occurred as a consequence of the DA's deactivation strategy. I have maintained uncompromised no contact status since then and will continue to do so. It is interesting to me, that although I am immersed in the study of attachment theory and devoted to my personal journey of raised consciousness in my quest for secure attachment, my heart aches for the DA, who I miss, love, and genuinely wish the best for. In a nutshell, this experience has shown me how I went from being an alpha to becoming a beta male throughout the whirlwind romance of the anxious/avoidant trap. I welcome any feedback that you believe, as well as know to be helpful. Be well. - Jonathan.

[@At4rax]

DAs after breakups can hurt you like a bitch Jonathan. Just remember they don't solve their problems unless they work on them for a long time, just like anyone else. And they hurt like anyone else as well. My advice would be minimizing social media interaction and learning to self soothe. Hang in there

[@kubawarzecha1770]

No shame in that, brother. DA can make just anyone a little beta bitch (aka AP).This AP thing, in most cases, is just easy healable, temporary state caused by awfull mess and cognitive dissonance that DA tend to bring into relationship. DA on the other hand is a permanent damage. Simply put, you know there's something wrong, that's why you do what you do. For DA everything's fine. No need to do anything.

[@graceanncalansingin9105]

I think the reason why it hurts so much (more, especially for us, AP) is because whenever we get abandoned, we feel the need to prove to ourselves and them that we can earn them and earn them back---that we can win their love, because somewhere in our childhood, we felt like we needed to win someone's love. And so, if we fail at "winning their love" we feel like we've failed big time and are, therefore, very hurt.

[@natebot321]

How has it been going Jonathan? Has anything developed since you posted this a couple years ago?

[@CommandoMaster]

It's not that DAs don't have emotions. They just suppress them, and they aren't even aware of it. And it comes out in very harmful ways to their partner.

[@konvict451]

How does it work when they run from everything? Never seen an Avoidant that is willing to be self aware and relize the have an issue and work on it much less sit down for a conversation.

[@suppersassysaylee23]

DA/Disorganized here! Relief is what I feel when I break up/get broken up with.

[@Ari-ih5un]

After a while do you miss them or feel regret or wonder if part of it was your fault?

[@suppersassysaylee23]

@@Ari-ih5un I do eventually miss them but the feeling of relief is MUCH stronger than me missing them.

[@regular21930]

No... They don't... After watching your videos I tried everything to get DA get open up for 1 entire year

[@chloelysiak9760]

I have been dumped twice now, over txt message, both after minor conflicts. I talked him out of it both times. I did not know what attachment styles were at the time. I have been really fighting with myself rather or not to stay and work things out or just dip out. I know some people work things out and some don't. I have decided to give him 100% space for the next 6 months and see how he handles that. But, I felt complelled to write a response to him for the next breakup that I have saved in my email that I wrote in a calm rational state of mind. I have decided that if he leaves me one more time, thats absolutely it for me. Im going to let him leave with my dignity in tact. For those of you struggling that have an anxious attachment style, I found that a huge weight has been lifted by just coming to terms with the next outburst before it happens.

[@valeriamiriamsentina9585]

DA here: I only went through a single breakup after a 3 years relationship and the aftermath was the hardest time in my life. I cut every contact with my ex, not even gave him a proper closure (at those times I didn't know what attachment styles were). On the outside it looked like I was happy and over it for good, on the inside my abandonment wounds were triggered and I started after to feel pain for my father's loss (in my early childhood) after a couple of months. So definitely yeah, each breakup triggers abandonment wounds and past traumas, which results in shutting down completely. Cannot say the same for meaningless sex, that feels safe and I don't feel any connection with the person at all. After the breakup, I wasn't able to feel emotional or vulnerable around any other man for more than a year. I was almost opening up with a person I really enjoyed spending time with but he withdrew when intimacy was getting "real". I do think he was a DA too. Somehow I'm able to develop feelings only for narcs (in the past) and other avoidants/ people from other countries/ situtationships that won't lead anywhere.

[@Dana-oo9kp]

Vale Thank you for sharing. I feel for your pain and appreciate your courage and vulnerability.

[@valeriamiriamsentina9585]

@@Dana-oo9kp Thanks for your support! :)

[@brunoferreira553]

two true DAs cannot be in a romantic relationship together for very long. Thais explained this and many other authors too.

[@komatsu8169]

Why do yall deny us the opportunity for closure, thats the most painful thing ever and delays our healing as we first get stuck trying to figure out what happened, then we blame ourselves, then we start accepting the situation and try to move on. That's such a detour

[@teejay8258]

Can you become dismissive avoidant later in life? Say after a beloved parent dies (after a long, terrible illness)? Or are are you always DA from a young age?

[@resueah7257]

I think you can for sure

[@Darksky600]

It's tiring, I never know how they feel or think about something. I always have to claw and dig for an answer. I was wondering if bottling up emotions can lead to health problems: Gut issues, no appetite, loss weight ...?

[@EA-rt3pi]

Old but I do have some insight on how repression has physical impacts. Lots of attachment studies have shown that after the death of a loved one DAs are most likely to fall sick or develop chronic pains. From personal experience, I developed canker sores all over my gums towards the end of my masters. Upon looking up why I read it was stress related, but I genuinely could not pinpoint a time I felt stressed. It happened during exam season so I imagine I was under pressure but didn't know/ register that somehow.

[@tulip5210]

I have a request, for whenever the series is done and other things on queue, but could you do a video on characteristics or developments of attachment styles that aren't commonly known. Like for instance, is it possible for a fearful avoidant to be fearful avoidant without ptsd and borderline personality, like what are uncommon and unheard of things that can lead to fearful avoidance. Commonly known being like having alcoholic/drug parents, what would be an occurance of someone developing this attachment style that isn't common for the type but does happen. Things like this. edit: I know you have videos that indirectly answer some of these >-

[@kayaxe]

Any tips on how to get a dismissive female Ex to Open up? It has been amost 2.5months since break up. Thank you :)

[@kubawarzecha1770]

She's ex. Open up for whom? You? Why would someone expect that, want that or do that?

[@mariac2343]

How does a DA respond to the effort to reconnect?

[@kavyatc2053]

Hello, I have been following your videos for a while. I wanted to ask if these kinds of unhealthy attachment styles (AP, FA, DA) are susceptible to PTSD, because their core wounds are associated to trauma?

[@maaikevermoen1727]

In addition to Shawn, Richard Grannon and Sam Vaknin are also good sources, oh and Pete Walker of course.

[@michaelandersen5821]

Hey @kavya cPTSD is not uncommon, but in the bottom of it all it comes down to a choice for them. Either to stay or to go. So regardless of how much we want to explain it away and say this is the reason that is the reason, it boils down to them wanting the freedom (psuedo) as it is, and not being able to watch within until they themselves start getting wise to it.

[@socalfriend6985]

I had to tell my DA that he has become distant and it feels like he has gotten bored with me. He said no and that I could call him when I had time, but there would be no point in doing that. I've seen all I need to see, the lack of intimacy and anxiety producing stunts really took their toll.

[@willowhecht1456]

I was apparently my DAs rebound. I walked away a month ago, after 9 months. I wanted to be with him so badly in a real relationship.

[@lmart16]

Funny how us rebounds seem to be their world and stick around for so long, only to dump them when they don't meet our demands

[@Dana-oo9kp]

The part about how DAs associate being alone with relief seems to be very true in my situation with my beloved DA. He made a comment about how he goes out on his new boat alone and loves it bc he “doesn’t have to deal with anyone.” (This new boat is a change from his last one where it is easier to handle without an extra pair of hands and inherent in that, it might be limited to where he can take that boat - like, it’s not big enough to handle rough, open waters - so he would be safer in calmer, more confined inlets etc). He has been pulling away from me this last month - only because there was the possibility of me getting closer to him, more participatory in his life due to external circumstances - and he has definitely been absorbed in his boat activities much more. (Plus, it’s the season where it makes sense for him to do so....just only with no communication with me).

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I hope you are coping okay at the moment. I hope the DA video's are giving you insight and helping you understand your DA better. - PDS team member

[@Dana-oo9kp]

Personal Development School - Thais Gibson Thank you. I am touched by your outreach. I’m coping well by just talking myself through my feelings and my confusion. I am holding faith that the answer regarding what I am supposed to do with this nebulous situation will present myself. Again, I appreciate your gesture of care; it has made a huge difference just when I needed it. This is a wonderful community.

[@andreabusinesshacks]

Hi Thais!!! would you pleasee make a video we could share with DAs like an intro to attachment styles but focused on DAs? thank you so much!!

[@cordeaniaknox4158]

I found out that my DA boyfriend had a whole dating profile. He was accusing me for the last five month but it was him doing the cheating. I confronted him and he froze like a popsicles. He refuses to answer the phone but reads every text message. I’m so 😡

[@ryk7296]

Did he ever reach out ? Iam in the same boat here from previous 7 months.

[@ryk7296]

I know you must have moved on by now. I'd really appreciate your response.

[@kaylawimmer475]

Ugh this was helpful but also makes me sad. I am finally (almost) ready to let go of a DA I’ve been on & off with for 12 years... we met when we were 13 & he pursued me until we were 18 & he had a mental break & is now completely avoidant. Our relationship has been incredibly toxic for 7 years, with me regretting taking him for granted & wanting him back & then him giving me crumbs the entire time. Recently our relationship flared back up & he was more expressive to me than he ever has been, expressed how hard it is to feel close to people, said I’m different bc of our past, would say he’s attached to me then tell me the opposite, tell me it’s just sex then say he does have feelings for me & tell me all his problems. So hurtful and confusing and tumultuous. But just told me a few days ago he’s moving across the country in a couple weeks. I told him I’m happy for him & I am, but it’s just sad to realize he only opened up to me at all bc he knows he’s leaving, and then took it all back so I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Still this wall, still forced lack of intimacy. I’m sad but relieved & I hope we can finally break our pattern.

[@KizzleTheKonqueror]

I hope things are going better for you now. I feel like I'm in a similar boat.

[@scarletshield009]

I'm a dismissive avoidance and I like it when my partner gives me enough space and does not try to push for a response aggressively.

[@desiiibee]

So how do we get answers from you without annoying you? Genuine question.

[@withinwithout6263]

desiiibee Exactly. Especially when we’ve given you space and the DA never eventually takes the initiative.

[@scarletshield009]

@@withinwithout6263 gentle persuasion.

[@withinwithout6263]

scarletshield009 I guess it depends on the individual. Gentle persuasion gets old when the DA leaves you hanging for months and years on end despite your patience and attempts at communicating in accordance with their needs even as you’re experiencing emotional death

[@simonebracy9103]

@@withinwithout6263 You can always leave that relationship. The choice is on you and not you trying to change them🤷🏽‍♀️

[@allaboardthegravytrain5987]

Its a walk in the park for them

[@1224polo]

They dont feel pain and abandonment when they are breaking up with you.

[@Swiss_Girl]

yes they do!

[@Ari-ih5un]

Why do you say that? Mine dumped me over a text message last week, no conversation.

[@dominickmcclary1437]

@@Ari-ih5unyep same here brotha

[@kirancromie1772]

I’ve spent the best yrs of my adult life trying to survive the emotional and psychological torture of a FA or DA RELATIONSHIP slaughter of your soul. I anticipate I could spot a FA OR DA within a couple minutes maximum and would haul ass in he other direction.

[@rockchica09]

I just broke up with my long-distance DA (yes, it doubles the struggles) after he recently announced he couldn't be exclusive anymore, started seeing another woman ("we're just friends") and spent my entire birthday with her while only making time for a half-hour long phone call with me after I asked him, where he was making excuses why he couldn't focus on me. And things were actually pretty good between us on paper. Besides all the DA nastiness sprinkled in regularly. I still put up with him as he always took time to talk about these issues, apologized and agreed on compromises. But the past weeks have been so bad with this other woman and him really treating me like crap, while simultaneously claiming how much he loved me, wanted to see me again, how special I am. What a mess... I just hope he won't try to get me back, that's how I came here. Unless he's willing to work on himself, raise his awareness why he does these things to me and changes, I'm not gonna take him back. And I don't believe this is gonna happen. It never has. Quite obviously I'm an AP. Oh well... I'm still so angry at him...

[@graceanncalansingin9105]

They deserve each other. What he did to you, he will also do to her.

[@Saar114]

Ive just being ghosted after a long time of being breadcrumbed by 'my' DA. He used to say these kinds of things a lot 'I cannot tell you enough how much i like you Sarah. Or yesterday it was such n such weather here and i was thinking about how nice it would be if i could just hug you all day while listinin to the Rain together. Or we should go camping and being in a small tent and than it would be so cozy n this n that. Your so pretty. Your this your that. I wish you where here right now ect ect. But we never even met because always after saying such thing he would leave for several days. But after a while he stopped saying such things n it was just sexual stuff he said. And i gave it a try the whole time, i was obessesing over this. For a while i also quited reaching out. For two weeks. Than he came back to respond out of himself. Ive replayed. He ghosted again. But now finaly my breaking point has reached, im actually so mad at him. Why doesnt he have the desency to just say it blunt into my face he doesnt want to talk to me anymore. Like fuck of to heck with this ridiculous, childish man. Im totally done with him.

[@beautifuldreama8714]

Would they test using silent treatment??

[@luckystarxx]

Yes

[@mochipurrez3767]

Thais, PLEASE do video on Dissmissives GOING INTO A REBOUND after a long term relationship and how long does it last? Thank you...

[@At4rax]

Not at all an expert but have been going through the same thing as you. Took her 1 week to rebound. As an AP, I'm sure I can comprehend what you might be going through. Just stay strong and focus on yourself for a while. DAs are hard people to understand and love from an AP point of view, and it's the style whose mechanisms overlap with the triggers for DAs and vice versa... Even if you got back together, do you think there is a better chance to have a healthy relationship as you are now? Or its possible that your needs as an AP are overpowering what's rationally and emotionally better /more intelligent option at this moment? Stay strong. There is no rushing these things. It hurts as hell and not being able to control it feels even worse but hold on. He might seem super happy and that he ll ride to the sunset but his problems will not disappear from one day to the other. And the other girl is also a person with her own problems and life decisions. Try to see things for what they are and find your own way of self soothing for now, as step 1. It ll change your world

[@mochipurrez3767]

@@At4rax how did it work out with your DA rebound? Did they come back to you? How did your DA relationship go, end?

[@At4rax]

@@mochipurrez3767 she went from 'you are the only person in years I have ever had such feelings for, this is so pure' to telling me she never loved me and saying she would start talking to other people so I'd better leave her alone. She's maybe 2 or 3 months into a rebound relationship now. I felt really desperate and I even reached out relatively early after breaking up. She turned me down and it was a godsent. Thanks to that I started learning a LOT about all kinds of stuff, rediscovered myself and new interests, tried a lot of new stuff and am now feeling blessed every day. Im more fit than I've been in years, I've gotten better at every sport I play (haven't played competitively in some years), I've deepened relationships with family and friends, I fixed a LOT of problems with my mentality and my emotional self, I'm more independent, etc. Wouldn't want her back bathed in gold at this point. Honestly, I even feel bad for the new guy. He's pretty likely to get hurt if he has feelings for her, as she has a lot to deal with before having any kind of meaningful connection imo. Yes, I still feel a strong connection to her. And I wonder how it would be if we met again (I've blocked her on social media very recently, wanted to close that book) But when I manage to put that neediness to the side and think about it, there is not 1 thing I want from her or love about her specifically rn. It's just that addiction - it's not her. A person like her will never want to do the work necessary to be healthy and happy. It's a shame and it hurt. But nothing we can do. It's not under our control. There is someone out there that will meet me in a tremendously better state of mind and finally emotionally sound that is actually ready as well and willing to have a meaningful relationship.

[@At4rax]

But yea, definitely learning to self soothe was the best advice I've gotten recently, from Thais. Realising 'oh. I'm feeling X rn, if I stay like this or let it worsen it will ruin my day or week, I'll be less productive, it will impact my interactions for the day, etc. What can I do to address this feeling'. So I go and do it. And I really tried to do so by myself and not lean on close friends or family even though that is also healthy. But they won't always be there yk

[@At4rax]

But I guess she was always a bit more distant, a bit different in her way to show affection, a bit hesitant on lovey dovey stuff, v e r y averse to sharing and showing vulnerability in any way, etc. I just had no idea that this was a studied phenomenon /area and I was just blind in love hahaha. I just thought she was different and everyone has their own quirks and habits, wtv. But the signs were all there. Definitely will be... 'suspicious' of diving into a closer relationship with DAs from now on. Don't think I'd do it again.

[@LiquidSSSnake]

I think the pandemic slowly triggered my girlfriend and and we broke up two months ago. I was worried about what it would do to her mental health. I'm just learning that she might be DA from 2 years of dating or trying. I wonder if she'll come back around? Now I know these strategies when it's too late...

[@1chienandalou]

Liquid Sssnake same! Although not really wanting mine back..

[@LiquidSSSnake]

Mine is older and we were co-workers. I just wanted to be friends, but she was crazy about me and kept pushing and hinting that she wanted more and she had all these ideas and plans. I came around and we dated, then she starts being a DA. I thought it was the age gap (that she kept secret). But it was her talking about past relationships that made me more hesitant to date at first, until I thought she was trying to improve herself... IDK if I want her back truly, but she was a dream girl that made me realize what I want. We could read each others minds. I just feel bad for her. She has no friends at her age and her family doesn't speak to her. I unloaded during quarantine I said the L word, she was silent for a few days and then blocks me.

[@graceanncalansingin9105]

@@LiquidSSSnake So disrespectful Do you actually want someone like that in your life?

[@bklynbrokers]

would love a video about DA that rebound quickly

[@AzumaRikimaru]

Does this include a break up for long term friendship as well? Especially if they where about to go have a more committed relationship but DA pulled back.

[@kenettefiel3638]

After a break up is it feasible or advisable to give them time and spafe they need, litterally go "no contact" until they reached out? I mean i see this as the best approach to know if they comes back and now ready to do the work 🥺 if someone can answer this ill appreciate it... Thanks 😁

[@luckystarxx]

This is difficult to answer as DA test to see if you care... if no contact for too long, they may get used to not having you in their life anymore, but on the other hand, if they have asked for space, please respect that or they will feel more smothered and annoyed. I would text once after the agreed no contact timeframe, if they care, they will reply

[@graceanncalansingin9105]

They will never reach out.

[@lucinac208]

They won’t reach out.

[@LastRebel1978]

They feel bad and then project it all on you because they can’t stand but certain feelings, primarily ones that make them feel good. They don’t understand their conscience let alone their subconscious

[@swaroopnarayanan]

Hey Thais, thank you so much for the content you've been putting up. It's been superb. I had a query though which I hope you'd be able to answer. Can a person be a mixture of more than one attachment style? Because while some traits of being a DA resonates with me, others don't, like those which you mentioned in this video. I hope you'll be able to clarify this! Thank you again ❤️

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Yes for sure you can have a mixture of attachment styles and usually someone has a primary and secondary attachment style. Have you taken the quiz? attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/ - PDS team member

[@swaroopnarayanan]

Yes I did :) I got DA. Is there anyway to find out what might me the secondary trait, if there was one?

[@chloem274]

Swaroop Narayanan When I did the quiz it gave me a mixture of 3 different styles and their percentages. If you didn’t get this maybe you’re solely DA :)

[@swaroopnarayanan]

Oh alright 😯 Then I must be a DA then 😂 Thank you for clarifying!☺️

[@milliekozary5667]

My ex agreed with me that we need to “communicate at some stage” and he will get back to me! That was weeks ago and I haven’t heard back from him!!! What do I do and what would he mean?

[@hayleyle7063]

hey my bf said the same thing and he was even being vague about us breaking up or not so am stuck in limbo now. do you have an update on your situation?

[@tulip5210]

Which attachment style tests the most?

[@Talkinglife]

Interesting

[@Ckyt572]

My DA said: "I feel like sh*t" when he was breaking up with me. He was devastated (apparently), he said he wouldn't be able to drive... And then, of course, he disappeared. Guess what, my love? I feel like sh** too. I've been suffering for 2 months.

[@pmdal]

He is a liar

[@Ckyt572]

@@pmdal I guess he is... 2 month relationship, he dumped out of the blue me because "our love languages are too different" and we had "too many conversations". Extremely avoidant. I am an attractive, caring, honest woman but he can't stand affection or intimacy or sex. I loved him but he drove me insane anyway in 2 months. I don't understand the almost breakdown part though. Narcissist trait, probably.

[@LastRebel1978]

An open honest conversation, good luck. Nothing but manipulation from insecurity and fear and feelings these damn feelings that only go one way. Mine reign supreme and you well you don’t get any…….like trying to build something while redesigning it every couple hours………shifting sands

[@marcusernewein6297]

Hey Thias. Learning so much about myself through your videos. I recently separated from my partner who I believe is strongly FA, and I am most definitely DA. My question now is this, I am learning about all my DA habits and unconscious decision making and I am so confused now if I am breaking up with her for the right reasons or if I am just deactivating and pulling away. What tips can you provide to work through this confusion?

[@vincetetuaniii9732]

DON'T ROCK BACK AND FORTH LOL.... Oh I love this video. Oh you are sooooo awesome! Ok ok ok .... i have to start the video over lol This is great info

[@andrewboyddotcom]

"Andy I wld appreciate if you wld refrain from sending me anymore texts. I am trying to move on from this painful period in my life and it does not help when you approach me and text me. Your wish was to end our friendship and I have honoured that and I only ask that you allow me to move on. Thank you." Our last communication 24 April. Is there hope?

[@jillmatthews3804]

Hi, Would you please make a video about how to handle a breakup, or fight when the DA just stops talking to you. my DA just did that to me after being with him for almost 3 years because i got really upset with him. it’s been 5 days now and i’m not sore i’ll ever hear from him so i’m just trying to move on but i’d still like to understand better. i’m a an AP who is doing work on herself and he is a DA who is not . thank you, Jill

[@RonDufault]

What do you say to your DA partner when they open up and say they are a little depressed?? Please help!!

[@lmart16]

DAs test you after you reach out post No Contact following you breaking up with them?

[@chriswasere2k6]

Can you do a video on pinpointing what I can do with the issues I’m experiencing please ? The issues are . Suddenly becoming blunt in messages. . Affection at bed time is avoided by her folding up with the covers and not letting me near. Says she is fine but she isn’t fine. When she says she goes like this I need to just ‘let her be’ but that is hard. Does she want to receive texts from me ? How do I give her space ? Do I message not as much or do I go no contact. I just don’t want to lose her but to understand and use the tools instead. She is lovely when she’s had a drink I get it all but not when she js sober. Thank you so much.

[@jenerlendson5911]

Love to here about DAs doing the break up.... Mine just broke up with me after a year of bliss.... Says he just wants to remove the bf/gf title, still wants friendship, still loves me and my kids... It was so out of the blue... He's away for summer work, now wants to stay there. I'm trying to give him space, I love him so much....

[@boobearam]

Oh wow, same situation.

[@preciousgoje2193]

Same situation, just forget about it and keep moving... Not worth the stress

[@jenerlendson5911]

@@preciousgoje2193 yeah... He came back recently, apparently still loves me, but also loves another... So whatever, I'm trying to be understanding, but think you are right

[@yanamclaughlin]

Yikes, that's not very "friendly" behavior and chances are he'll still want sexual access. "Goodbye, no thanks" is a good response

[@christinarichie6171]

@@jenerlendson5911 Block him. Sounds awful

[@Terror0121XD]

Hi I am an avoidant person and I’ve recently broken up from a 2 year relationship, I am struggling to find a way to heal properly and is there any advice I can take.

[@pmdal]

Inner child healing

[@Akayemiix3]

Can you do a video on how to establish a healthy relationship with these types of attachment styles

[@kubawarzecha1770]

You can't. At least not in the way that is healthy for you. So there's no point on making such video.

[@fxtrdr4]

As always, amazing insight. Thank you!

[@michaelcolvin8702]

When you give your DA space why do they cheat?

[@KizzleTheKonqueror]

Yoooo... this is real.

[@lebe6863]

He wanted to own half my home after a year and said he d have more interest if it was half his then his two teens came to live with us but he was always working couldn't take me out because his daughter would be upset over it so it all went to pot . I asked would he go to counselling because I started but he said he didn't need it. Feel really sad over it all!!

[@DayaTom]

Sending you love. He seems unmotivated. And you do deserve the time and due attention to keep building the connection.

[@bethanyj.5049]

Have you ever seen someone go from an anxious attachment to avoidant after abuse?

[@garytravers117]

My ex

[@tulinbeyduz920]

i’m fearful/ avoidant

[@desiiibee]

Are DA’s just very confused with what they truly want or is that just mine? My DA boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. His reasoning was his job not giving him enough time to be with me and him thinking I didn’t deserve that. However, he has not wanted to stop communication since then. He sometimes acts like nothing has changed, meanwhile I’m crushed and confused. He still calls and texts me, calls me by my nickname and tells me he loves me on the daily. If things can be the same, why not keep me as his girlfriend?? He has no answer for me. I love this man, should I continue to support him through the hardships he’s going through and be there for him or should I leave? Is there a possibility that we can get back together or will this happen again being that he is a DA?

[@simonebracy9103]

Aren't you together just without a title?

[@selenadiaz2665]

sounds like he conciously/subconsciously friend zoned you

[@preciousgoje2193]

Run away

[@desiiibee]

@@preciousgoje2193 I suuuure did and thank goodness!!!!

[@nullinvoid1415]

I'm a DA female. I know this. I don't deny it. Tbh, if someone asked or demanded i start working on my commitment issues I'm more likely to just leave and stay to myself. I know it's messed up but that's how I deal. I grew up with a smothering narc mom. I don't like feeling suffocated and controlled.

[@melindaalamsyah5657]

But in any relationship especially in romantic relationship boyh of the parties need to make compromises. What are u gonna do? Are u choosing not to marry anyone in ur life?

[@HustleHabit]

You sound like my ex...

[@sushisam3010]

But that feeling comes from your childhood, from your parents, not from your partner. It's unfair to say the least.

[@marealb7218]

Can you please do a similar video about the FA? Thx

[@sabrinarose6642]

Make a video about how a secure person reacts to a breakup!!!

[@Hathor333]

🦋🌱

[@donkndave7811]

One of the more informative videos.

[@SeaHorizons]

Great content. Well done. :)

[@valfle]

How does a DA feel when he/she broke up with a partner. Do they question themselfs, come back or are they mostly relieved? Will it propably be days weeks or months? I know this is propably depending on the person. I might a well give an example. My ex bf loved and cared for me deeply but it was too hard to maintain the relationship next to a stressful work. There was just no energy left and he felt too bad for not being able to show up enough. So he broke up with me last weekend but being very unsure about it being the right thing. His work is limited for a year and he said we'd take a break and reconsider. He didn't wanted to burden me and wants me to be able to find love elsewhere. It is so confusing. He would like to still be with me his whole life. Idk what to think

[@valfle]

@@ShawnFin I thought so.. or should I say I feared so?

[@desiiibee]

Shawn F my DA broke up with me a month ago with this same reasoning. He felt bad about not having enough time and having to “find himself” as well. However, he wants to keep constant communication with me. He says he can still see himself with me forever. He’s so closed off yet does not want to rid himself of me??

[@desiiibee]

Shawn F thank you for your response. You’re right. As much as he tells me he loves me, he also tells me “not to wait for him” to me that’s telling me to just go. The only confusing part is when I say I’m going to go, that’s when he tells me to stay but has to reassure me not to hold on hope of getting back together anytime soon. I think maybe I should just leave without giving him the chance to respond. I just don’t want to hurt him no matter how much he hurts me. I know DA are very sensitive. His actions are just SO CONFUSING.

[@valfle]

@@ShawnFin sorry I couldn't answer the first days after the breakup. I was a mess honestly. But I am much better now. Shawn thank you for your insight, I think you really understand a DA's perspective and I 100% agree with you. And Desiiibee I am sorry you are going through it, too. It really sounds so similar to my situation. I am now focusing on healing my wounds and doing well in my job. Now that I am slowly out of this emotional rollercoaster, I wish for someone who can show me he loves me without inner conflict. Who also has similar love language than I do. It could have turned out great being in a relationship with my best friend, but it sadly just wasn't.

[@valfle]

I now got to know the extremes of emotionally dependent relationships (being engulfed in previous rel.). Both sides are very unhealthy. I will pick someone in the future that is on the healthy side. Who can give an recive, who can give space but be safe being close to. I don't want to dim my light for anybody anymore. I want an partner who loves me in a healthy way.

[@Jay-qh6uv]

“What their internal experience is as they go through a break up” *laughs in my robe with a glass of wine* “Specifically if they’re the ones being broken up with” *record scratch* what

[@just-a-alpha1150]

I just want the woman doing this video im over my ex lol

[@vincetetuaniii9732]

I love the room

[@austinnguyen9107]

8:00

[@lesliejohns987]

Honestly I have to say that in your commercial online representation of PDSchool , you contradict yourself because you say if one person knows their attachment style and is willing to work on changing it to more secure or whatever helps to maintain the relationship staying healthy.. You say just one person in your add but You say unless both are willing to do the work it won’t be healthy or work? This is contradicting.. And you are living in perfect world.. Partners who love you don’t love you any less if they don’t want to change.. This is wrong to say that YOU CANT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IF THEY DONT DO THE WORK! Wrong wrong wrong if one person does the work , the relationship already improves!! Not everyone wants to dive into their past .. So you are pushing your OPINION ON OTHERS! I am sure others see and know what I am saying.. You can’t throw away a relationship after being in it for years unless it’s ABUSIVE! So your information is contradicting and you do it in a very subtle way .. Because you are pushing your business on others.. .. But your knowledge on attachment styles is Excellent and all your videos teach these in precise explanation...

[@vincetetuaniii9732]

Hello... do you have a director, lol. Jk. Hey, you may want to redo this vid. You have to be more confident in your demeanor and your hands take away from your message. It's almost like your trying to explain it to yourself. And is distracting. Remember less is more... where do you want your viewers to focus on? On you and the pearls of wisdom you're throwing out. If you were in a real audience setting... your presentation was flawless. This is a whole bird of a different color. Just me being nit picky... i still subscribed. Later I do love the clear and conc

[@elle381]

...

[@whosahotmail]

I honestly didn't notice anything distracting about the presentation so...

[@vincetetuaniii9732]

@@whosahotmail ok. Have a good day 😊

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thanks for the feedback and thanks for the sub! - PDS team member

[@airbubble.]

I personally think Thais' presentation style is fantastic. She is open and infectious in her passion, and obviously knows a great deal about her subject matter. I find her very "human" and genuine. She's somebody I could be friends with, because she's such a sweetie.