What I want others to know about Autism: How All Consuming the Autistic Mask Is

[@Green_Roc]

Pain from punishment was so harsh on me, I could no fully pretend to be typical because I didnt have some skills like reading between the lines nor understanding non-verbal communications. I tried my absolute best to be the best little girl I could be, and I could never get perfection and got punished for mistakes and never ever intending to be malicious, to a point in high school I thought detention was part of the school cirriculum, no way to avoid being punished, and I hated myself and hated life for over 30 years. finally free from the mast about 5 yearsa ago. Holding still gave me shoulder impingement, and ignoring my pain got me carpal tunnel, because I was people pleasing as well, to get me through childhood. I strongly felt like I got fybromyalgia age 12. Hiding my stims eventually caused my hips to be dislocated from holding myself still so tightly. I like your dragon plushie! So awesome seeing you cuddle it. I got some squishmallows to cuddle too.

[@lesliedavis4366]

At 30 I hit burnout and then was getting out of the Army after 12 years. Had anxiety and depression. I felt finally free. I kept saying, I finally get to take the mask off. That I don’t love the army. I get to discover my real identity and build my own life…. Then I finally start to look into adhd and autism and maybe the combination. Then it’s like oh, I think I’m neuro-spicy. It’s been an interesting journey the last 4 years.

[@dirtysanchez6193]

Hey friend its me again. Havent tuned in for a few months as i legit burned out on your content and got tired of learning so much about myself but ill be back soon. This may be the case with a majority of your fanbase so keep pushing even on days it doesnt seem worth it cause i promise theres folk like me saving your videos to watch later and they will eventually get to them, one day

[@i.am.mindblind]

Hey, I really appreciate this. Because the channel has slowed down so much, I've been wondering if I have run my course. I'm sorry to hear you've been in a Burnout cycle too. Keep protecting your mental health. 🌸🌸

[@kateaye3506]

​@@i.am.mindblindI think there are loads of contributing factors, and probably have not much to do with you. We are all burned out. Social media, cost of living, everyone's voice being over ridden by everyone else's voice, competition for our attention, rise of 'conservative' politics, so many autistic advocates and creators out there now. The one thing that gets blurred; not all autistics will relate to all creators. I don't always relate to the content you produce, so I pick and choose based on my needs. That is a me issue, not a you issue. Keep on going, because it is valued and needed. Maybe not right at the moment you release it.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Thanks!

[@dirtysanchez6193]

@@i.am.mindblind facts you are a rockstar and trust me treat this site like a historical archive and not a live view count/result because these videos will serve for future generations even if they dont instantly catch traction. Also this isnt quite a reccomendation from me but you could consider lowering your supply of videos to make your demand higher, i dont wanna give you bad advice but if you feel its better for your mental yo make less videos i think we will still consume at a steady rate compared to you hustling videos out and we getting slightly overloaded to watch them all? Like the person said above thats a us problem and not a you problem, so if making these videos provies you a needed since of structure then like i said do your thing and post as much as you want and we will eventually catch up

[@martiwilliams4592]

Agree: Thanks for this comment. Have just been through a "rough patch", trying to get back now.

[@Bananaspie]

Mind blown. I have been working on coming to terms with and identifying how I mask so that I can unmask, and I am right with you on the deep cleaning before a visit! It is deeply uncomfortable for me to have people in my home if it doesn't look perfect. I actively avoid people coming to my house if I don't have the capacity to deep clean. I have been terrified for a long time of being judged because my house isn't clean. And for that matter, my own person! I won't leave the house without being clean. My husband is just like, "Meh, I haven't showered in three days and my hair is sticking up in all directions, but let me go pick up our daughter from school like this." And I am like, I would never. 😳 Mind blown. This is so much a part of me now that I don't know how to stop. Stopping feels terrifying and dangerous.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I understand you so much! I've come a long way though. Two years ago you'd never have seen me film a video on my PJs. Now I do it all the time. Some days I can get dressed or I can film a video, but not both. Masked me would have gotten dressed made sure my entire room was perfectly clean and pushed through to film, then be exhausted after and not know why.

[@Green_Roc]

17:09 I am disabled, when my brain shuts down from too much noise. I had a phaze twice this year (never happend to me before) when I was suppressing myself so hard with so much irritating noise surrounding my home from neighbors making noise... I woke in a hospital after 6 days of unconsciousness. Major shutdown because society was too noisy for my brain.

[@aboynamedsue1711]

I related to all of this! I couldn’t say my first curse word until I was 28. I hated it as an adult because people would feel judged by me if they cussed in front of me but I wanted so badly to be able to cuss in front of them 😂 I was only able to say a cuss word at 28 because I moved to Ireland where I didn’t know anyone and a guy in a pub helped me by shouting the word at the exact same time as me so I couldn’t hear myself say it. I still struggle but I am getting better at allowing myself to use those words when I want to express myself in a certain way or even sing a song with a cuss word in it.

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Thank you. Relate so much to being “good little girl and perfect”. Can you explain some time maybe again difference between semantic vs autobiographical memory ?? 💞👊

[@i.am.mindblind]

If you got back 2&3 videos ago I have videos on SDAM my memory disorder. There's also a whole Playlist. But most definitely! I cover it fairly often. I didn't elaborate on this video because it's not necessarily common to the Autistic experience. I found more Autistic people have a superior memory than like me who on the other side of a memory spectrum with a really crummy one. This was the most recent video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/m6Pcl2qjmsytm5o

[@Isaac-hm6ih]

14:40 THANK YOU, you've just made me realise I'm still masking massively. I have exactly the same blocks against swearing, and the feeling of hollowness is a periodic problem too.

[@chrissimpson1183]

Thanks for your insight.

[@i.am.mindblind]

❤️❤️😊

[@Michael_H_Nielsen]

very good explanation. thank you :)

[@rileighreddie]

I love your room! It looks so peaceful 🤍

[@martiwilliams4592]

Back again after a period of a bad patch. Thanks for your hard work, Amanda. Much appreciated.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I'm sorry you've been having a hard time. Glad to see you back. 🌸🌸

[@CarlGBrooksVO]

Texas?! Greetings from DFW! I Dx-Ed last year and slowly unmasking the true me underneath. Your videos have been a huge help in understanding and illustrating to my friends and outside family. 🙏🏻

[@i.am.mindblind]

Howdy! I'm from Texas but have been in SW Washington for a little over a decade now! I'm so glad to hear my videos have been helpful. ❤️❤️❤️

[@CarlGBrooksVO]

@@i.am.mindblind Thanks! Washington is way more awesome!

[@i.am.mindblind]

It really is... Lol. It's so pretty up here.

[@chrissimpson1183]

At the museum I met a child wt autism who is 5, I hope he felt welcome.

[@i.am.mindblind]

That is so awesome, I'm sure you made him feel very welcome!

[@chrissimpson1183]

I hope so, he is non verbal.

[@chrissimpson1183]

I like the dragon...

[@i.am.mindblind]

Thank you, I absolutely love him!

[@amyw2721]

Hello, your dragon is amazing! I appreciate your videos but watch them in spurts. Sometimes it’s just too real if that makes sense. I hear stuff that i really relate to but can’t seem to intergrate the info into my brain/life and it feels really uncomfortable so I procrastinate watching until I feel up for more info. I’m wondering if /how SDAM affects your learning/ integrating what you learn? Meaning if you watched a video similar to this one would your lack of experiential (right word?) memory mean you don’t remember what you just watched to actually think about it and process it? My perfectionist brain says this question should be on a video about SDAM and I need to go watch all the videos to see if you’ve already addressed the subject and I should just delete my comment entirely because it’s stupid (that part is a bully) so I’m going to stop and press send (or maybe submit? 😩)

[@i.am.mindblind]

The first part how you can't seem to integrate some of what I'm saying until you're up for more info plays RIGHT into this video. Your mask isn't going to let you absorb info you aren't ready to process. As for the SDAM question, please don't worry, ask away! Questions honestly help me make content. If I watch a video, I can learn things from it. I do forget things I've watched, meaning I can rewatch a movie a year later and it'll almost be like new. But if I'm watching educational videos I do learn, repetition helps. But I won't remember the experience of watching it. Things like: Where was I when I watched? Who was I with (hit or miss if I'll remember that.) What was I wearing? What day was it? Generally these things I won't remember.

[@dio69666]

I completely relate

[@Synical777]

Under my mask is calloused. The last relationship i was in put a giant crack down the middle of the mask. Stuff slips out now that hurts and offends people around me. I cant control it anymore. I dont know what i can do to fix it.

[@i.am.mindblind]

💔

[@WoohooliganComedy]

💖

[@kirstybuchanan3140]

❤️😊🫶