What is BPD? | JOHN GUNDERSON

Get the full, minimally edited interview (and see the documentary we made about BPD called BORDERLINE) here: watch.borderlinethefilm.com/p...
00:00 Intro
00:10 Interpersonal Relationship Issues
00:58 Emotional Dysregulation
02:42 Behavioral Problems
03:53 Cognition
05:00 Disturbed Sense of Self
John Gunderson describes the "symptoms" of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), organized into various areas of psychopathology: interpersonal relationships, emotional dysregulation, behavioral issues, and cognition. Otto Kernberg's idea of identity diffusion being a blanket problem for severe personality disorders is mentioned as well.
John Gunderson, a major force in the BPD world and the person who originally defined the diagnosis, discusses Borderline Personality Disorder from the viewpoint of a researcher and clinician.
The complete Gunderson interview playlist: • Prevalence in the Gene...
For more information about the BORDERLINE film, please visit our website at borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on BPD and NPD is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / @borderlinernotes

[@Imfromfrankston]

The core of BPD is the defence against the truth that no one in their world essentially loves or even cares about them. This is a devastating realisation for anyone to come to let alone a baby or young child.

[@aleciawimer8506]

I think they should ask themselves who have they really cared about, first. If that person was reckless in all their relationships, even as a parent, …well-there’s consequences for that. People end up not trusting that person.

[@newanas5271]

The problem with this disorder is that u live with anger for years before being aware of it.

[@HolyCatastrophe]

“There’s an inner emptiness like a hungry child who has not been fed enough.”

[@sarahmonday8060]

And I get the sense this may be the literal trauma, where it all began .. or?

[@dominicellis6185]

I think these emotive interpretations can actually be grossly misdirective. I’m very glad that people have empathised with this interpretation but the danger is that these narratives can become causal rather than explanatory. What I mean is that he talks about how there’s copious evidence of social dysfunction, and he FEELS (amongst others) that this is the heart of it, in conjunction with BPD being reactive to social stimulus. This is not my experience at all. I am (humble brag.) fucking great at masking but I don’t enjoy it, so I’ve spent months/years both being very social and absolutely alone. For me the periods of mania and depression snuck up on me (unless I was paying close attention) and like when anyone is in a bad mood, something would eventually set me off. When I was externalising this and struggling, but not identifying, the pain, this manifested itself in enjoyment or anger respectively. I found myself forming a protective wall to isolate myself from people as I was socially rewarded for doing so and had a huge aversion to embarrassment. Once I started with more introspection however it quickly became apparent that these were periods of mania and depression, and that the pain I was feeling could be channelled into anger or simply let out. Letting it out was so much harder but felt so much better in the long run. I’m not a saint I’ve fallen back into channelling and admitting defeat to it through addiction, bulimia, self harm all the good fun stuff. Now whatever I was doing, my emotions manifested themselves as a reaction function to outside stimuli, so when I was being social , it would be to whatever someone says; but when I was being antisocial, it would be to politics, games, movies whatever. So understanding a specific person’s experience as a socially reactive condition would make complete sense if they are social, but not if they’re antisocial. Now this video is all good, but if you then go, okay, we need to sort out how you engage in society, then you’ve turned an interpretation into a cause and addressed it as such. This is what finally gets me to this comment they made. I have felt empty so often and so profoundly for so many years. But it is nothing like a hungry child. I can see how one might describe it as that, if you externalise your emotions onto lived experience. But I never lacked for anything, and the guilt of feeling bad anyway, knowing I had no excuse, was a huge problem for me. I did not lack anything; I didn’t need to be given anything. I need to rearrange how I process and react to emotion or hopefully get someone to “fix” my fucking brain. My strong interpretation is that this emotional disregulation creates strong inconsistencies in the OBSERVED self (everyone has them but we see them very clearly) and this is what causes that feeling of emptiness; of being a shore racked by waves. This interpretation has causality for the hungry child hypothesis; if you’re socially observant then you might feel other people have been given something you haven’t - you feel a distinct absence of what you should have. What you believe (very viscerally I don’t mean entitlement) you deserve and need is provably circumstantial, so this makes as much if not more sense than a failure of parenthood to address innate biological needs that have been supposed elsewhere. Although this isn’t the cause. It’s a philosophical interpretation that I think the facts suggest is more appropriate than the hungry child hypothesis because it explains more of the variation. The real cause is neurobiological by definition. Unfortunately no one has any idea what that is as there is no “normal human” so an abnormal one is impossible to define. We feel a distinct sense of wrongness, but that doesn’t mean we can get the basic pill and go back to being perfect. TL;DR don’t generalise, and since BPD is basically just an arbitrary categorisation of human variation, why not just ditch the objective rules yeah?

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

@@dominicellis6185 so are you saying that the intense variation of feeling make you wonder: "What am I truly at the core?". Is this this feeling of emptiness? Aka: there are only waves but no stable cliff in the middle? A cliff you always feel and can orient towards no matter what?

[@adrianhardwick6271]

I believe the hitching point for diagnosis is that which is found in the data to be neuro "typical." These types of conventional or neurotypical minds make up most of the tapestry of society and in representing the lion share of the societal thread...these also by default establish the rules by which one may find him/her self successful. So, even though personality may be relative on many levels what brings the abstract into the concrete is the "fitness" of the odd mind to compete successfully within a framework that predates it and subsequently judges it's fitness. Hence the distress of the borderline mind and of all those unfortunate enough to become entangled with it and I mean that from the heart being borderline myself.

[@adrianhardwick6271]

Also, I would absolutely say that for many of us borderlines, that the analogy of a hungry child was very apt.

[@cosmingurau]

Why is everyone talking about fear of abandonment and nobody is talking about FEAR OF ENGULFMENT, which is essential for the push-pull, idealization-devaluation cycle?!

[@tooskyblue]

RIP John Gunderson. Truly a giant in the world of BPD research.

[@wellepoque]

I’m loving his insights

[@sanjaysiddhartha7569]

Agree

[@Geshtafshnifka]

😱😱😱

[@JohnSullivan2003]

Was gonna say the same thing but you beat me to it. RIP Dr. Gunderson

[@habibaduval9988]

So spot on, I love how empathetic his description is. It's so horrible how you fear being alone but that irrational fear always pushes you closer towards the realisation of that fear.

[@atelier27]

I often think of my mother as a "hungry ghost" "hungry child" works also.

[@effy.3730]

When he said "hungry child" that hit me so hard..

[@BorderlinerNotes]

[@naniwaa]

NOTES: - Intense unstable relationships marked by idealizing/devaluation due to fears of abandonment & rejection (fear of being alone) - Emotional dysregulation (angry outbursts, mood changes, reactivity to a particular social context) - Emptiness (long standing sense of neglect) - Deliberate self harm or recurrent suicide ideation - Patterns of impulsivity - Lapses of reality testing (paranoid ideas) - Disturbed sense of self (instable identity)

[@sarahstracks7137]

Thank you ...

[@nannygoatj]

Don't forget that part of self harm may be unprotected/irresponsible sexual encounters and substance use outside the "norm."

[@overimagination2812]

Its not just people, its all objects... i love/hate my phone, youtube, the internet, my apartment, mother nature, god...

[@wellepoque]

I deactivate and deactivate my social accounts all the time.

[@dani5639]

you described it perfectly...like a child who was not fed enough...was not given love and acceptance

[@jennhutchinson4328]

I'm not afraid of being alone. As a matter of fact I prefer to be alone. Everything else was dead on, but I'm so sick and tired of the labels psychiatrists wanna put on me. So, I'm done with it and I don't care anymore. The only thing I care about is how I can be a better person today than I was yesterday. I'm in competition with no one but myself. Now, with that being said...everything this guy said blew my mind.

[@overimagination2812]

Me too, love being alone... and yet when i have a girlfriend i can't stand being apart from her... so i chose alone the past few years and its been a good choice.

[@Artist8731]

It’s like a push pull. Read the book titled “I hate you, don’t leave me”

[@candacebaxter9648]

mY mothers brother Rest in Peace Uncle John

[@MJ_247]

I was listening to a podcast of someone who had BPD but is now BPD free and this amazing man was mentioned. I unfortunately have every single criteria.. I hope to have kids one day but the fear of passing on my BPD is so strong, I wouldn’t want my children to experience this..

[@lexg1168]

What podcast

[@tagaway6173]

Tell us if we can find the podcast in KZbin

[@wellepoque]

@MJ also interested

[@TomeRodrigo]

BPD can be passed on by how you treat your children, so if you can't control your behaviour and impulses you can traumatize them by explosive actions. Sorry to hear about your struggle.

[@StatchanaReborn]

They might still get it even if you didnt pass it and tried your best 🫣 So dont worry too much and just be the best version of you and get kids without these worries :") wish you best.

[@hannahbonaparte5500]

wow I just found this video... this man is amazing. I often have feelings of being watched when I'm alone (its one of the things that sometimes keeps me awake in anxiety at night) it NEVER dawned on me that this was a paranoid and maladaptive coping mechanism related to BPD... my mind is blown

[@wellepoque]

It might be, or it also might be that we actually are. I think things have changed since the diagnosis originated. I did think back to having an imaginary friend in my younger years.

[@slimshany4602]

To me the feeling of being watched (almost everywhere), comes from feeling unsafe; fear of threat, or judgment (shame).

[@realmofoz]

I would like to be a case study to be honest. I know I am probably not that unique but My BPD has changed over the years. I find myself extremely withdrawn, apathetic, jaded, no hope, nothing. I just feel absolutely dead and live just to live. Accepting my reality of having BPD broke me even further at least in my mind it has. I feel like I can not ever have a relationship with anyone because of the rollercoaster ride and the pain I would cause not only to myself but other people. Surely I am not the only one who has gone "silent" internalizing everything, keeping my distance with people in general and especially relationships, and becoming antisocial. It's just so exhausting to exist and all the things I have been through I just don't have the energy. I have been through therapy over and over and there is a point where there is no more fixing anything. This is the best I got. I have all of my impulsive behaviors and harming behaviors in control at the moment. But it still doesn't change how I FEEL, that I would just die and get it over with. I want to point out that a least for me, something that wasn't mentioned is BPD's get OVERLOADED like Autistic people do to where they can't handle everything going on. That is where the anger and irritability comes from. They pretty much have no buffer or coping skills to deal with "normal" relationship problems.

[@Lilynite10]

Wow!…Thank you for sharing. You literally have just described me, my journey with BPD. I also am the same. It’s a living hell. Everyday is a bad day for me. Totally withdrawn as well. Live alone, have no friends (lost them all) they have moved on & can’t understand my illness. I’m drained of life force, fought for so long. Also had so much help but nothing works. I have given up. Broke me too. I’m not impulsive anymore, barely leave the house. Can’t keep a job down because of chronic anxiety. My brain now does not even work. Nothing to talk about with people as I have no interests anymore. Can’t feel passionate about anything. Don’t even bother with romantic relationships, not for years now. The emptiness that gets me. Nothing going on inside me. Nothing. Can sit & stare into space for hours. Awful existence & people think your just negative. So much more than that. I just want to die. Don’t have the energy to do it. I keep my life minimalistic. I buy nothing only what i need. I feel like I have it all prepared really. Always thinking about death. Why wouldn’t you?….I get overloaded too. I currently have not left the house for a week. I don’t because just spent 6 years sober trying to heal & nothing has worked. Even got sober for a very long time. I just can’t bare to walk the beach one more time alone. 6 years, around the park or up & down the beach. I can’t make friends cause people think I am odd & weird. So empty. Worst part is I’m 42 now. No children, no partner, no friends & have no talent. Nothing to live for. BPD has broke me. Nothing left of me, literally skin & bone. Some of us have it way more severe than others. I had a lifetime of trauma. People who reflected me back were not good mirrors. Nice to hear your story. Your truth. Mine also. Life is unfair. I believe in nothing. Hard to have faith within illness like ours. Wish you well all the same. I just get through each day. Existing but not living. X

[@realmofoz]

@@Lilynite10 I understand at least we know we aren't alone. Don't think it helps much though..other people have no idea the living hell we are in. I do think about suicide but I just don't have the will to do it, even if I'm that far gone already. It's absolute torture. If I had a 100% chance of a effective painless death, I maybe could consider it. I don't necessarily want to die. I just wish that I didn't have the trauma I do, and feel the way I do. Death or a lobotomy seems like the only viable escape from it. That's why do many self medicate and have substance abuse issues and of course actually end up killing themselves.

[@Lilynite10]

@@realmofoz I hear ya!….It does help to know your not alone suffering. There are many of us. Again it’s like addiction, mental illness is the same, different levels. When you have an illness bad very tough. Nice to share truthfully about it without feeling guilty or negative. I never talk to anyone anymore about it. Everyone got so sick of me, nothing else to talk about. Now I say nothing. I don’t want to die either. I don’t think anyone does but I understand why people do take there lives. Suffering, mental torture is unbearable. I am the same, always say please at least let me die peacefully in my sleep after a lifetime of suffering. People should have the right to end there own lives though I believe. Nobody should have to die alone & hurting themselves. Think in the future laws may change for people with long_term debilitating illness. I can’t take the loneliness or lack of energy. The mood swings. All day everyday. I thought I was an addict first & then diagnosed with bpd at 38. Looked back & was like oh makes sense. I went through life like the Tasmanian devil! Substance abuse is dangerous. Get drunk & low enough.

[@Lilynite10]

I’m still unsure whether it is C-ptsd or perhaps I have both!

[@karenhartman9774]

I’m so grateful for this thread of conversation. My sister has/is bpd. I was greatly favored over her by our father. I ended up with severe disassociative disorder which 4 years in therapy resolved. My sister (only sibling) discards me for years at a time; just Christmas cards. These posts help me feel less bitter towards her for not getting psychiatric help so maybe we could have been friends. I’m sad every day for this loss; for “what could have been” since she is the only one “who knew me when”. I AM the trigger for her pain so it’s probably hopeless.

[@AnnaSzabo]

This is so so valuable

[@FrogLehane]

Perfectly explained, thanks!

[@christopherpenny6216]

thank you for this

[@apockillipse879]

this made me start crying when talking about the hungry child 😭 that was me.. always hungry neglected invalidated screamed at and beaten.. I was like 60 pounds in 6th grade.. in the 1% for smallest kids in every grade... parents didn't care for me I had to survive on my own at very young ages not getting fed.. stealing food from the fridge and 🏃‍♂️ never really understood ugly part of life still here at 38 somehow.. starving myself like I did as a kid cause it seems normal in my mind.

[@yzzy1966]

I am so sorry to hear this. Send hugs to heal!

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

It's very interesting: as a kid I learned to lock myself up in the toilet whenever I got angry, because my souroundings couldn't handle my intense rage. This is still a pattern but it has become more subtle. Anger is unfortunately an emotion which is frowned upon and thus suppressed in our society. Not many outlets. I found boxing to be very helpful as I learned to channel my anger into discipline and directed physical activity. That feels very very good.

[@CooperNeff]

I'm also dealing with this exact same thing. Breathwork is the answer

[@Opyoyd]

I was treated for addiction for 35yrs. Every trauma I experienced after I switched from cutting to self-medication helped re-establish the misdiagnosis. As an addict I became "undead", able to exist fairly safely but I became obsessed with ingesting a mix of heroin and cocaine that allows the user to sustain a state where thanatos and eros are in absolute equilibrium. I realised I would not last long and now self-medicate as little as possible. At 50 I was finally diagnosed with BPD which permits me access to Mental Health facilities and more appropriate treatments. I am so much more than a BPD sufferer let alone an addict. The video is spot on. Thank you.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thanks for being detailed in explaining some of your travails and how you've interpreted your experience. I met someone recently who suggested that BPD could be viewed as the ultimate symptom of other underlying personality disorders. So... Just to layer things a bit more. Anyway... appreciate your participation here and glad for your curiosity and tenacity in trying to unriddle the rhymes.

[@waitwhat3630]

Your not alone 💜

[@th8257]

@@BorderlinerNotes it's interesting that the ICD seems to be moving more in that direction. Getting rid of the separate personality disorders and instead recording traits. The ideas being that so many of the personality disorders are interlinked and simply manifestations of an underlying issue, and that it's artificial and unhelpful to keep separate personality disorders as the DSM does.

[@whitneyvise7911]

@@th8257 I think that's great news. I, myself have a constellation of symptoms that are like a grab-bag of different disorders. I don't meet enough criteria to be diagnosed with any one PD, including BPD, but these different maladaptive traits are there and are hell to manage.

[@nicolastejeda544]

watching this and realizing that i checked off every single characteristic. ive been dealing with this forever and i never knew why. it feels so good to finally have a why

[@CEGasaurus]

This is so accurate, I’ve never heard anyone explain it like he has until now. Wow.

[@rain7bow437]

Im always alone/lonely but i continue to push everyone away so it will carry on indefinitely. I cant trust anyone. People make me paranoid.

[@rick3747]

Thank you doc for your contributions on understanding borderline personality disorder! RIP

[@kahlodiego5299]

Protect yourselves, borderlines.

[@edgreen8140]

The capacity to be alone. Identity diffusion, moods change much quicker than bipolar -look to environment. Impulsivity. Self harm ( reckless driving, substance use in an attempt to soothe oneself, ideas of reference). Chamealon change depending who they are with.

[@Tal__]

Wow, this is very accurate

[@aubreyaragon988]

Truth. Not all bpds are all suicidal. I'm bpd and suicide idealization common yes for attention seeking to get someone to love me, and never cheat on me, not be alone. Validation is all we ever needed.

[@nicole-3306]

Been diagnosed with C-PTSD and BPD and it's.....I'm finding it extremely difficult to manage both. I also have an eating disorder but I believe this is a result of the other two diagnosis. I cling onto my ED to handle the emotional turbulence and turmoil that the other two disorders bring, as a way to handle life I suppose but it's ruining it. I just....I don't feel sick enough to seek out therapy, even though it's severely impacting on my daily life. I guess I feel too angry and hopeless and undeserving of being cared for because I know that if people are nice to me I'll get attached and I'll eventually hurt them - it's never my intention though. I feel like I'm completely unlovable and just writing this makes me feel like I'm attention seeking but I just...idek where to begin. It feels easier just to resign to this, let my addictions take care of me, even though they're killing me, I don't really care anymore, but I just wish I wasn't me. I cannot handle emotions, cannot tolerate being in my head every single day, it really hurts. Idk where I'm going with this. It's so disorganised, sorry. Just ugh.

[@rr-gq3gc]

Thank you Nicole, I never could really find the words to describe how I feel about myself yet here they are. I owe you big time! You were able to perfectly capture what my "ball of knots" is. Ugh it is, it's our ugh and we are the only ones who can take care of our ugh. I'm in recovery and have found more constructive and actionable tools in Recovery Dharma/Buddhism/Mindfulness than in any other sorts of therapies combined. For me it is the glue that solidifies and makes life acceptable/tolerable while I start envisioning the possibility, and start seeing a glimmer of hope, that living could actually be something to look forward to. Thank you Nicole and I wish you only the very best, Rocco

[@jennifermaxine2453]

Complex PTSD is the same as BPD, mental health providers just want you confused & discredited. They are not trained to understand people with trauma.

[@kristyeldredge2308]

I really hope you're feeling better. I don't think labels like BPD are helpful. We all have needs that weren't met and some cope better than others with that -- don't feel you're worse than other people. You aren't. You are in fact lovable. "Just writing this makes me feel like I'm attention seeking" shows you try not to impose on others. The hard thing is knowing when to ask for help and how to feel safe while doing so. It sounds like doctors have been only so helpful -- maybe a different therapist? Or an online support group can help. I wish you the best.

[@nicole-3306]

@@rr-gq3gc Oh Rocco, i hope this finds you in a safer, happier, relaxed state--- I've heard so many great things about Buddhism. Not heard of recovery dharma but mhm, that liberation you mustve felt when your ugh felt more tolerable to live with, that triumph, i hope you get more of those little and powerful victories. Warrior to warrior, you sound like an absolute beautiful soul. Take care, lovely xo

[@nicole-3306]

@@kristyeldredge2308 Honestly, i know this phrase gets thrown around a lot, but----thank you, Kristina. "you are in fact lovable" --- this----its a weird one because i naturally have a warming, inviting, bubbly personality which makes people think they love the image of myself i have given to them, but underneath this persona (that i want to be true) is just turmoil and mess. it feels----nothing short of murder to let people in on that--. I'm in therapy now for my eating disorder and i'll be joining a support group to manage the eupd side. ---sorry for ranting, but i think i have hope that things will improve. i hope you are able to smile a genuine truthful smile each and every day xo

[@yourenough3]

Great video. I like that they're all in black and white ie black and white thinking.

[@coriswrld2122]

very helpful

[@stevansvilokos359]

R.I.P. :(

[@antoniocarlosburinsammarti915]

I would never be able to thank you - and especially the ones you brought here - enough for all the learning in your channel, Rebbie. it´s been supportive through the years for me. I always get back here. I found out about DBT therapy here (we don´t have TFP or MBT in Brazil). As I told in another comment before, I just resent the lack of a good automatic translator from KZbin. I want to register that again. Not because of me, I mean. There´s a need around this part of the world, you know? I am on a load of groups of people with BPD on Facebook in which there are like 10 to 30.000 Brazilians each. I can´t recommend this page enough, but 99% of Brazilian people (and I suspect Portuguese people too, but we are 250 million) don´t get English subtitles. Then I check the Portuguese subtitles before recommending these videos. Oh, well. Lots of these videos, especially the older ones are not ok. For instance, in this video right here. At its very beginning, the late John Gunderson says, "definition involves what, in psychiatric jargon is called 3 different phenotypes, 3 different sectors of psychopathology", right? Ok, then. I know my English is not "skyrocketing" or anything (look at me devaluing myself, Geez, what a surprise), but do you know how that is translated in Portuguese? Being literal, as it is written in the automatic translated Portuguese subtitles, this great man says, "the definition involves with the psychiatric organ is of 3 different feet". That´s what a Brazilian person literally reads in Portuguese, at the beginning of this video. It gets a bit better then, with some other major mistakes like those in the middle. And I see a lot of your videos, I kept hunting for the ones I missed, and there are a lot of these problems with the automatic translated Portuguese subtitles in almost every video that is a cut of your documentary (but not only those). This content on your channel is all too important for everyone with BPD and their loved ones worldwide.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thank you so so much for this feedback! Beyond illuminating and helpful. It sounds like we need someone to formally translate the videos into Spanish and Portugese. We can search for this person, but if you know any people right for this effort, you can reach me at [e-mail]. - Rebbie

[@slimshany4602]

Great video, seems like a wonderful professional. He speaks with great care and knowledge. Thank you. I am confused if there are traits that are absent (f.i. I am not a risk taker). Is it possible that having several personality disorders they can influence one another? Or change somewhat due to getting older? My doctors said I don't have bpd, and yet I recognise almost everything (apart from the risk taking and impulsivity). I often get the feeling that the disorder must showcase what was lacking or overly present. To me the feeling of being watched (almost everywhere), comes from feeling unsafe; fear of threat, of judgment or punishment (shame). Anyway, all the best to this Channel and its viewers! 🌻

[@user-el7jg3qj3p]

I wish he was my dr.. I live in a really small town and not one therapist understands me. BPD is so misunderstood

[@justletmesigninokthx]

good stuff

[@LolaClo]

These videos are absolute gems! So helpful to understand BPD!

[@charlesbromberick4247]

A nice summary, but I think you might mention that not all these characteristics have to be (obviously) present but rather just the majority of them. That´s my impression anyway.

[@rhn36]

thanks

[@Tailionis]

My dog staring at me. I'm not imagining anything lol

[@user-go8ft8dm3g]

See, the problem with people getting serious help for mental health issues that can be devestating, even lead to suicide or self harm, are trolls like you that mock others, and immaturely joke about mental health. God forbid it's ever you. Grow up. 🇨🇦

[@hercules71185]

Holy FN hell the last minute destroyed me. I mean I understand I have BPD and I have a fair control over it. I have never heard of this man until today. I am glad I have felt this. Unfortunately never will I be able to say in his this to him in his life after reading the comments. Now, the identity thing. I'm literally a Carpenter (journeyman), Millwright(journeyman) Salesman(regional not just sell a phone, did that too) Project manager for small business. Business developer, marketer and started off in IT and help desk. Still tinker daily. Obviously not all simultaneously. With all that said. I hate being called one of my trades. Or a southerner, or Floridian, or city boy. I get it I'm from that weird part of Florida with money, beaches and swamp life. It's like. No but like I'm not a carpenter, or a southerner. I mean I am. But that's not who I am. I'm a nerd. Love quantum science and need to know more about consciousness. That's why I am here. I needed to understand what's wrong with me and why I struggle. But, you can't define yourself by something so simple. It's not who we are really. There is so much more to us. It's taken me months of trying to understand psychology, to fully be able to diagnose what exactly I am and what's wrong with me. I want to love so much, but I get these hydraulic-pressure waves. I wish this guy could've tapped me on the shoulder 10 years ago and said. Hercules, you need to have an identity. And give me a bit of a mirror with his voice. I'm going to continue on this man's lessons. At least he fully let me understand part, of my problem. I think I'm scared to just be something. Because if I identify as something lame. I might not draw the attention. Or be able to be wanted as much as I could. It's impossible to place into worlds. If you have BPD. You get the feeling of that at least. For myself I feel it's incredibly substantial to understand it's this identity thing. That compounded with daily patterns and thoughts... If you know enough, you know we humans are basically just an incredible aeries of complex patterns in a way.

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Thank you. -P

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

Do you say, you don't want to be reduced to a small part of yourself (although you love that part of yourself) because you feel you are so much more?

[@chaostheory16]

I’ve been told I have BPD traits, but very little of this resonates. Sigh. I can never find where I fit into anything.

[@tagaway6173]

There's "quiet bpd"

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

interesting: are you seeking for a person from the outside who tells you who you are? No shame on that btw!

[@lornocford6482]

C-PTSD, codependency, highly sensitive, childhood emotional neglect, being the scapegoat of narcissistic people, a borderline projecting on you. Just some things to explore for possibilities for growth.

[@lisaproustresearch]

EMOTIONAL 1) unstable relationships involving idealization & discarding 2) fear of abandonment / rejection 3) emotional disregulation (inappropriate / uncontrollable anger) 4) emptiness ( not always present ) BEHAVIOUR 5) self harm 6) patterns of impulsivity COGNITION 7) lapsus of reality (paranoid sometimes ) 8) Disturbed sense of self (adapt based on another )

[@lisaproustresearch]

What type of BPD is if you have one portion of these and not all?

[@charlesbromberick4247]

interesting

[@susanauger3758]

They wake up mad

[@giannisl1223]

i love you

[@Star-dj1kw]

✅️ interesting

[@DanielWiebrands]

This is like an Orphan Spirit, once a reconnection is made with Father/Carer/God he or she can rest in their heart easier❤️👍

[@wellepoque]

I’m wondering if anyone can offer insight on support groups, therapists etc that are in the same vein as this researcher. Feeling this deeply.

[@Myrtle5834]

Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago and have been part of a 12 step program ever since, specifically sex and love addicts anonymous. You can check out online meetings to see if it feels right for you if you feel too nervous to go in person. Don’t be put off by the name (or the reference to a ‘god’, if you aren’t religious, I’m atheist) it’s more of a focus on trauma and general relationships (that often impact our romantic life). It’s free and for me, provides practical tools, support and stability I needed. I eventually came off all meds and have been very stable for the last few years.

[@earthdragonw]

To a T. So spot on

[@rubyamaya9139]

I feel like this man understands me like no one else ever has , or has ever tried. I can't stop crying I wish I wasn't like this and I really need some help. I'm about to be 28 and I still cut myself when ever I'm in an intimate relationship and I push whoever I love away cause I have no idea what to do about these intense feelings i get but i just want to relax and be in love you have no idea how hard it is to live with this SHIT . I'm getting older and i just want to be fucking normal. everything in this video suits me to a pea.

[@rmcd823]

My daughter will send our bpd for an exchange of language in another country. My heart is in pieces.

[@MariaCosta-yw7ef]

This is a very unfortunate disorder. I hope one day they find a cure.

[@TheDavveponken]

the cure is love and understanding

[@lornocford6482]

​@@TheDavveponken that's something borderlines seem to struggle with having for themselves and others, so not really a cure.

[@TheDavveponken]

@@lornocford6482 Well that's a weird, and defeatist, take. Where do you think our sense of love for ourselves come from (in general)? From others (parents and other loved ones, strangers even). A borderline may not readily accept and adopt their self worth as presented by others (by way of displays of affection or other ways of convincing) but surely overtime - with enough evidence - they (we) may come to accept it. What would be your idea of a cure?

[@lornocford6482]

@@TheDavveponken I didn't say that I thought that there was a cure. I think there's prevention and tools for management of the disorder. People learn to love by how they're loved combined with an innate capacity to love and their temperament when they're children. This is how they learn to love themselves and others. Once an adult, a person has to have developed the ability. If they haven't, then they're immature mentally to an extreme that means that their personality is disordered. If a person can own their mental and development issues and they're willing to do a lot of healing work, I think they can learn to recognise their triggers and learn tools to self soothe and control their reactivity. They can learn what a healthy relationship is. All of this is what was supposed to have been taught to them as children, but wasn't. Borderlines are very codependent. It's something else that needs to be healed. I don't know what it is that stops some borderlines from doing the work. I suspect that they're co-morbid with narcissism. Those who aren't, can achieve a huge amount of recovery.

[@TheDavveponken]

@@lornocford6482 I didn't say you did. I just wanted to coax something more constructive out of you. It agree with a lot of what you're saying. But it's a matter of (a disordered) personality. Therefore it would be fixable, if, as you mentioned -vthey're willing tobwork on it. I like to think of borderlines aa feral cats in a way - they are afraid and act out against people, if they don't just run away altogether; but with some love and understanding it'd be possible to turn them around. Even when, I believe, they've turned narcissistic. BUT I wouldn't recommend trying to change a narcissistic partner (I know as much first hand). One could explain to them their fault and then walk away (so as to at least help them in the future) cheerio.

[@briangabriel2458]

Think of Glenn Close in the movie "Fatal Attraction."

[@jennhutchinson4328]

The only person in the world who understood.

[@Jessmeee808]

So far, for me personally, he is the only one who can explain this without having me feel triggered.

[@Maggie-zb7gx]

I would like to know more about how this affects women vs men, or is there no real difference

[@luciamixon4156]

My issue is when they say I'm the one with problem and they're just fine. They don't say trail of destruction for nothing. It's just very sad for all. The next life will explain the misery for all. Sometimes I wonder who suffers more the person or the poor spouses and children. Probably 100 bad both. 😢😢

[@how.disability.justice]

I'm reading that autism in womyn is frequently misdiagnosed as Borderline and others. What's the process of distinguishing?

[@travisbickle5282]

Two very different disorders which are easily distinguished from each other.

[@adoniasama4363]

From what I know of, autistic people have sensory issues (hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity), problems with social interaction,they like patterns, routines,they stim, they have repititive words or things they do. These traits, specifically the sensory issues which is a large part of autism,is not present in someone who solely has BPD. Women are often misdiagnosed because of the lack of research and difference in signs about autistic women.

[@maggieoflagos7714]

SPOT ON right!

[@s1south]

Alot of people who are diagnosed with BPD get diagnosed with autism/adhd later in life.

[@katladyfromtheNetherlands]

so I got BPD and Im not cutting or self abusing through any sustance, wha I do do is incapacitate myself with my thoughts so that I cant go anywhere, as self defense, in not so obvious ways thus. Is my diagnosis correct?

[@katladyfromtheNetherlands]

@Wei Li After consideration I believe the condition to be an inner emptiness, which one can handle in time. Thats not all ofc but.. the black and white thinking it may all have to do with that. Its still mysterious to me.

[@katladyfromtheNetherlands]

@Cj Johnson yeah sure

[@BAWSGh0stbl4d3x]

how can i get in touch with a medical provider without insurance? i’m think i’m struggling w this

[@salutations5749]

Reach out to someone local. I believe Psychology Today, or something, has a directory of Providers. When youre looking, see if they do a sliding scale for payment, many do, some dont. When reaching out, keep in mind that many are and have been seeking help since the Pandemic. It may take some days before they return a call or email. Also, look for a few in your initial search in case one or two are at full capacity. Take care.

[@Rokiiam-ru5ji]

Why do people with bpd are afraid of being alone?

[@beyourself9162]

BPD is for me a Trauma Response and all these Traumatic experiences need to be re-integrated in years of work with a good Traumatherapist. Thats why I say: All western countries should massively invest in Centers for psychological/psychiatric centers with free access, specially for deeply traumatized Patients. Psychiatric Psychological injuries are on a all time high. We need to change our culture. Loving kindness… 🤝

[@gerardmcnally]

and the answer is?

[@mac-ju5ot]

Oh he is kind people font get it they are so busy but ing each other

[@theeXodusof730]

Are BPD & PTSD similar?

[@DrShawnaFreshwater]

No, absolutely 2 different distinct criteria and signs + symptoms. In addition, PTSD is Axis 1 disorder , whereas Personality Disorders, such as BPD, are on the Axis 2 spectrum

[@theeXodusof730]

@@DrShawnaFreshwater I remember seeing a video of someone saying there are similarities between BPD & C-PTSD. It sounded interesting to me.

[@DrShawnaFreshwater]

@@theeXodusof730 Someone who meets diagnostic criteria for BPD can also have C-PTSD and vice-versa. Someone can meet diagnostic criteria for BPD and also have PTSD and vice versa. However, they (BPD and PTSD) are distinctly different disorders, but certainly someone can have co-occurring disorders. For example, someone who meets diagnostic criteria for BPD can also have a Major Depressive Disorder or other disorders that are co-occuring. *Note: When we code for a Personality Disorder (PD), the nomenclature allows one PD. In other words, someone who meets diagnostic criteria for BPD is NOT coded for another Personality Disorder, for example, Histrionic Personality Disorder. I hope this makes sense. *** Note: C-PTSD is not in our diagnostic nomenclature yet. AMA and WHO task forces decide the nomenclature and diagnostic criteria. When we code, we still have to use PTSD if criteria are met because C-PTSD is not recognized by AMA DSM-5 or WHO ICD-10. Hopefully, C-PTSD will be recognized by AMA and WHO at some point in the future. P.S. the very basic construct of C-PTSD is 1) longitudinal (trauma occurring over time) and 2) Relational. Peace, Dr. Freshwater.

[@theeXodusof730]

@@DrShawnaFreshwater I understand, thanks for your thorough and prompt response.

[@DrShawnaFreshwater]

@@theeXodusof730 My pleasure. I hope it helped, albeit a succinct explanation, for the uniqueness and complexity of a human being. Diagnosis (Diagnostic nomenclature ) refers to a pattern not a person. A diagnosis, no matter how accurate is necessarily limited. Everyone is complex, unique personality, life circumstances, and life story. A diagnosis does not define someone. Labeling someone is hurtful. Diagnosis is only helpful in regards to pointing to the direction of evidence based treatment and for clinical research.

[@dalladi]

People sit around talking about others is unwise. It disconnects and meters out power disproportionately (I'm the smart and sane and healthy one, you're the sick and unhealhy and discriminated one.). This is why stigma won't leave the west. Talking about ideas instead is the key. Slowly but surely the collective consciousness will heal.

[@joannelewis3390]

Mum left me

[@trevorhaylott8764]

I am a Bipolar patient who stayed with a Borderline for 9 years.... Shit destroyed me, Now I am with a new partner who is starting to meet all the criteria again. Is there some bipolar/bpd magnrtism there or do I just love going through hell, over and opver again??

[@nobodynowhere5213]

Its just natural to repeat the attachment pattern you learned as a child. You are basically repeating your own trauma, just like the BPD is repeating hers. It has little to nothing to do with love, its basically just both of you replaying the trauma and that will cause the heightened adrenalized state that you perceive as love/attraction. I think its called emotional flashback. It also means, that you have no idea what love or normal attachment is. This is called emotional illiteracy. I actually even once experienced a manic episode because of this. If you think what mania is, its basically flight & fight panic reaction.

[@overimagination2812]

I find all crazy people attract each other. For good reason, i find neurotypicals boring as hell, remind me of death itself... as if I've already died and gone to heaven. Ah the irony.

[@rr-gq3gc]

To an extent, and over-simplifaction aside, I feel my BPD is my BP (oh the alphabet soup) on steroids

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

@@overimagination2812 :D I know exactly what you mean!

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

@@nobodynowhere5213 I also learned this by watching many videos. And it's an ok explanation. But nobody could actually explain what love is. Can you?

[@user-gy4dp9jk5q]

Be

[@candacebaxter9648]

Thank you so much everyone for the comments because hes my uncle

[@sarahmonday8060]

Sorry for your loss. He obviously has had enormously important great impact on so many people and will continously 🙏🤍. Appreciated he sounded so humble, very caring.

[@jennifermaxine2453]

You are just describing someone who has been abused by narcissists. Anyone can & will have these symptoms after unwanted trauma & psychological abuse.

[@wellepoque]

Or raised at the hands of caregivers who had similar issues they were unaware of at the time.

[@jennifermaxine2453]

@@wellepoque that doesn't make sense

[@jennifermaxine2453]

@@wellepoque I know you're a fake btw. Hope u find something to do 😉

[@wellepoque]

@@jennifermaxine2453 sorry? My response wasn’t meant to be argumentative. I was speaking from my own experience. I see a generational element to this is all. You have a lot of great insights, but you also snap in the comments randomly. I suppose this is par for the course. And I was adding my two cents, there’s no need to throw out put downs.

[@wellepoque]

@@jennifermaxine2453 I’m actually shocked at how rude you are. Heavy contrast to some of your shares. Deeply analytical switches to mean and nasty. Give thing a moment. Not everything is a threat.

[@sigmarecovery699]

Hungry heart on steroids is how I describe it.

[@BOSTON900RR]

I already know what and who I am. but watching... reminds me how disgusting I am

[@oklol1755]

I think there's a lot of strength in living with something like BPD... don't beat yourself up so much.

[@BOSTON900RR]

@@oklol1755 I'm still trying to find the good in the bad, it's like getting this beautiful steak. Cooking it. And then .... after you enjoy how lovely it smells, and how it looks. . You trim the fat. And you trim.... and trim... and trim. Removing bone. Gristle. And then your left with.....

[@adoniasama4363]

As long as you're trying your best to not harm others, you're not disgusting. You're not responsible for the way your brain is wired.

[@christinaescajeda1901]

The Lord watchs over me is that what you mean?

[@LQ2DARESQ]

BPD IS NOT REAL

[@blunderbuss9984]

What do you mean?

[@Sum1else365]

BPD is real. It can and is being objectively measured.

[@Impullin-mf9oi]

U could be one of his test subjects and not even now it...I am read your license agreements in your cell phone

[@andrewepstein2942]

This little clip has some of the worst camera work I've ever seen.

[@krisalida1able]

He hasn't said a good thing. Not one about these people. They have them totally stigmatized

[@noklarok]

you don't tend to get diagnosed on your positive behaviours