What is the Funniest Item you have given your Players? #1

[@BrothaJdogg]

Not the DM, but in the party where this happened: The cities magical blacksmith was selling a new weapon he created: A +1 magic lance that has 3 charges; once per turn, he can use a bonus action to burn one charge to heal himself or an ally he touches with it for 2d10 health. The weapons name: The AmbuLance It is now our Paladin's primary weapon

[@Atma_Weapon]

damn. tell your paladin that his weapon got borrowed.

[@mariagoff5532]

Lol! I love the name of that weapon!

[@lunarwings4481]

I saw this one on an actual episode once! I want it for my Paladin SOOOOO BAD

[@KnakuanaRka]

*ba dum tss* xD

[@officersoulknight6321]

One of our party characters made the same pun with their name. First name lance, last name ambue. Party cleric with 19 AC at level one

[@pulsefel9210]

Priest: *watching warrior smacking corpse with a sheild* "Umm..." Warrior: "the mage says it resurrects!"

[@houseofmartok4518]

Decades ago (D&D 1st Ed.), I was DMing for a group which included a priestess to Helea, the goddess of love & sex. I sent them on a holy quest to retrieve a holy artifact (so they didn't get to actually keep it). I called it "The Golden Heart of Helea", but didn't provide an actual physical description of the item. It was a mystery. So naturally, the players presumed it to be heart-shaped. But what they found made it clear that the use of the word "heart" was metaphorical. It turned out to be a solid gold phallus, whose only magical power was that it vibrated when inserted.

[@basbarbeque6718]

Through the use of a random loot generator I gave my players a few items. One was a "Scroll of peculiar Abjuration", 24 hours after reading you have advantage on saving throws against being pushed over the edge of a volcanic precipice. Another in the same batch was a "Potion of Lava Breathing", Can breath normally in lava for 1 hour., Does not provide protection against heat or fire damage. Another was a "Floating Breastplate" It floats on water when not worn.

[@trickygamer555]

ah yes, water brea- wait, I mean fire prote- not that either? Then how are we supposed to use it? Well, it might come in handy I guess...

[@cheshirecat3504]

In my 5e session, my players wanted to get some bells because they were going on a mission that they were fearing they would get sepperated, i gave them a few different bells of different materials and a glass bell. It wasnt magical at first but they were so entranced and were convinced it was magical. I relented and thus the cowbell was made. A magic item that has one use per day, a roll had to be made after ringing it and a 10 or less breaks the bell. After ringing the bell, the one who would ring it would become a cow for an hour. So yeah, danger bell became cow bell. What they dont know is there is a hidden mechanic, should the bell break, the bell itself becomes a cow, cant wait for them to use it and suddenly cow.

[@lilyg.2205]

The Milk Carton of Doom. This item has quite a story behind it, so bare with me because it is very weird. The first time I ever ran a game was a one-shot that went horrendously off the rails. The players were about 10th level, and were charged with clearing out a camp of kobolds, whose leader was named Tucker. Instead, the players began a black market operation to go buy milk from a specific town and bring it back to this one. I was so stuck that the final boss of that campaign became the very carton of milk that they were here to get. We all called it the “Milk Carton of Doom.” In a later campaign, the session was becoming a bit of a drag. None of us were really enjoying ourselves, so I did something to make the session fun. When they reached a treasure chest that I decided to add to my map for this very purpose, they found it was a rather friendly mimic, who agreed to tag along with the party if it gets a share of their rations. They agreed, and the mimic decided to take a different shape so it could be carried easier. It shrank, and changed its shape, becoming a milk carton. The shape was an inside joke, and now the party throws the New Milk Carton of Doom at anyone who pisses them off, the carton bites and latches onto their face, resulting in the person panicing hilariously, with a milk carton stuck to their face.

[@catboysephiroth560]

That's fucking fantastic and you should be Very Proud of yourself, that's hilarious

[@fabiansuckfull9446]

Gilbert Gottfried as a sword. It's a +2 rapier that's been posessed by the soul of a stand up bard. Casts 6th level vicious mockery on a bonus and once they have helped advance the swords "career" far enough it'll also cast hideous laughter twice a day. The thing is, the sword is currently a little fussy and will sometimes just tell bad jokes instead of doing what it was told to do. All of this is of course done in my best Gilbert Gottfried impression.

[@danielpratt1970]

I know what I'm giving my next edgelord rogue.

[@OriginalCreatorSama]

omg i want this in a game SO HARD

[@fabiansuckfull9446]

@@danielpratt1970 Very good choice!

[@fabiansuckfull9446]

@@OriginalCreatorSama Then go talk to your DM about it. If you're playing a comedic relief character it shouldn't be too hard to convince him

[@OriginalCreatorSama]

@@fabiansuckfull9446 half my characters are comedic relief just because it's fun but also hard to meaningfully incorporate into a story. I like the challenge! I also dm sometimes. I may throw this into a oneshot at some point if my dm doesn't want it xD

[@PyroGobbo]

The bunny eared headband. When wearing it the range of your hearing is double. If you wear it for more than a day it dissapears and you get bunny ears permanently. Second effect can only be discovered with Identify.

[@terrafirma5327]

The funniest item I have given my players is the "Shiny Teeth" item. It was a pair of chompers that magically adjusted to cover your own teeth and they looked amazing. Fabulous. Shiny. They gave you advantage on all Charisma skill checks against any race that actually cared about oral hygiene.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

Having just gone through a 1-and-a-half hour dental session in real life to fix some front teeth, I appreciate this enough to lol about it. :D

[@terrafirma5327]

@@melkiorwiseman5234 Now use them to get Charisma advantage!

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

@@terrafirma5327 I'm not sure anyone has noticed yet. Change blindness.

[@TheSOTA]

Finally, Chip Skylark's secret is revealed

[@terrafirma5327]

@@TheSOTA At least you got the reference :)

[@razacorwrayth1629]

I didn't really give this item to a player, but instead cursed an item he already had. He was a mute monk who had a spear that he had recently managed to have enchanted to do thunder damage. Upon using the spear to kill a mummy, the spear was cursed so that the thundering sound the spear made was the sound of a massive fart. The spear of ultimate flatulation wielded by the quietest person in our group made for many laughs. And how many people can say they have a spear that does an extra 2d6 fart damage?

[@HappilyHomicidalHooligan]

Does the Spears Eruptions Stink like Farts too? 😄😁😆😅😂🤣

[@razacorwrayth1629]

@@HappilyHomicidalHooligan No, but that would have been smart.

[@hogfry]

A brick of access. Can be used to enter any building with a window. Can be used to deliver a written message up to 100 yards with successful strength check. Can be be used as a thrown weapon 1d4+1 or combined with a sock to do subdue damage 1d4+2 automatic double damage on back attack or attack of opportunity sneak attack bonus stacks

[@janTesika]

so... a normal brick? edit: ah... that's the joke.

[@hogfry]

@@janTesika it was enchanted for the purposes of overcoming windows (& skulls) magical resistances.

[@Knitboy1997]

Gave my players "The cushion of bloated guest" as a joke reward during session 1. When pressed, it made a fart sound at the location they had in mind (not limited in range, and forgot to specify how many times per day it can be used [unlimited times, basically]). Few sessions later, they had a quest of defeating a neighbouring kingdom, since they wanted to allege war against theirs. How they did it? They remembered they had this magic item, so they sent a messanger to that king with a simple message; "If you stop the war, we will stop the sounds". *WHOLE CAMPAIGN* they just took turns with this magic item and spammed their enemy with fart sounds. King gave up, but not the "puppet master"... Solution? After King said who was using him, Cleric used divine intervention to know who it was... Did they go kill him? Nope, more farts... So, in my "genius" I created a drawback to its frequent usage, anyone close to the "cushion" has a chance of developing diarrhea. Did it backfire again? *WHY YES, OF COURSE, NO NEED TO ASK!* Another quest they had to slain a dragon. They got to his lair and hid in a place close to the dragon, but not an easy spot to be found at. Did they want to prepare before the fight? NOPE! Paladin pulled out the "cushion", rest of the party gave him items, that would keep him undetectable and left. When they were "out of range of the items drawback", he started to "fart in a forest away from here". Paladin was immune to disease, so he couldnt get diarrhea. But that wasnt true for the dragon, who did not have such a feature... To cut it short, they killed the dragon by dehydratation and malnutrition (whatever he ate got throught his digestal system too fast and it didnt have time to absorb sufficient amount of nutritients... After that, God Loki appeared and stole the cushion with words; "This creation is too powerful, to be wielded by mere mortals" and disappeared...

[@tysondennis1016]

Imagine Loki confiscating your whoopee cushion after it killed a dragon.

[@Eddiember]

Ok, so I roll up random attributes for the "Crafted" items in my world, since magically crafted items in my world is a new concept, and people are trying out new enchants and seeing what they can do. This one took the cake. "The Power Play." Acted as a +1 Hand Crossbow, HOWEVER, the wielder can spend a full turn to *Eat the Crossbow* to gain the benefits of a Long Rest. This effect has to be in the view of enemies and will not work while in cover. When consumed, the Crossbow will cause you no harm, however it will taste like a crossbow as you eat it, wood, metal and all. If a bolt is loaded in the chamber at the time of consumption, the Bolt will taste like a freshly baked apple pie which will serve as a fulfilling meal that will grant 5 temporary hit points. The whole table was dumbfounded as I explained the effect of this Crossbow, and have yet to actually try to consume it. I don't blame them, actually.

[@flamingaxelburn]

I know I would be intimidated if I saw a guy chew up and eat his crossbow. Know what I'm gonna do if he licks his fingers/lips, looks at me, then walks in my general direction? I'm gunna run.

[@baxterbruce9827]

@@flamingaxelburn Make it function as an Intimidation check too! You HAVE to!

[@Eddiember]

@@baxterbruce9827 With Advantage.

[@baxterbruce9827]

@@Eddiember Yeah

[@mattsmith457]

That's ridiculously good as a consumable, let alone a weapon. At any time, as a single action (meaning you can still bonus action) you can regain all your health, all your spell slots, all your superiority die, all your expendable charges, all your short rest feats, and all your long rest feats. What class and level are you? Can you make more? Is it gone forever after you eat it? Edit: I just realized it heals you 5 hit points and you're now trying to get it so that you can intimidate your enemies WITH advantage. Your DM should definitely nerf it, considering it's also a +1. That item just totally ruins boss encounters.

[@travismartin376]

I finally got in, and he saved mine for last.

[@ambiej123]

Travis Martin congrats man

[@ravishvirani4490]

Niceeeee

[@whynikkiwhy]

The Penis story??? That was HILARIOUS

[@voltsiano116]

Did you get head?

[@marclytle644]

Add Frozen Penis to inventory. haha I shall name you... Edgardo!

[@bravenponder7438]

The DM in my first campaign gave the 6 Int Barbarian a Helm of Knowledge or something that increased his INT to 20 for a short time; for those few minutes he was the scariest being in the multiverse, and be had to use a Wish item we had to reverse the transformation.

[@Tyrnak_Fenrir]

One of my party members got a fake beard today, I'm not entirely sure as of what it does yet. It's called "the Beard of Chad" it makes him immune to the effects of alcohol (good to win a drinking game against our man child paladin), proficiency in Intimidation, and +1 Charisma. These are the positive sides, the curse has been hinted at to be hilarious, part of it means he can't take it off, I'm excited to see what it is next week.

[@houseofmartok4518]

Sounds a bit like the beard of ME! I am (in real life) burdened with immunity to intoxication. Bummer.

[@Kei-42]

What is it?! What is the full curse?

[@Tyrnak_Fenrir]

@@Kei-42 he can't take it off without a Beard of Charles (another item in the same vein) any charisma rolls under 10 has him rolling on an insult table (of over 100 DnD themed insults) to see what comes out. So he thinks he's saying one thing, but everyone else hears the insult. Example: we try to convince a villager not to snitch, so he rolls for persuasion and tries to say "I'll give you 10 gold not to talk", but he rolls a 7. So what actually comes out is something in the veins of "go fuck yourself"

[@hogfry]

Also that last story :D I just imagine a gut at the table shouting: "Magic Dickssile! Magic Dickssile!"

[@TheWeirdsound]

Perfect timing on this video. The people who organize the Westmarches server I play in regularly auction off magic items. They put this item up for auction today, and the bid is already higher than most serious magic items... Blindfold of the Pervert: Wondrous item. A thin strip of cloth that, when wrapped around one's eyes, allows you to see through the clothing or armor worn by any creature. The wearer of the blindfold can see through it as it normally would, but appears completely opaque by outside observers.

[@FerreTrip]

As a bonus, it should give disadvantage to any creature's Intimidate check against the wearer.

[@tripps3631]

I would have called it, "The Yoyeur's View Finder."

[@connormeriwether4486]

Sounds like the second item is a good way to either get yelled at, full force punched (ask the royal guards for the Kikgodm of Wethera) or oh deer in one of my worlds.

[@rogerswab2131]

Staff of Striking (Cursed): When a PC uses this staff to attack or cause an effect, a small placard pops from the end which reads "On Strike" and then the staff would go limp. Ring of Protection (Cursed): No effect unless the person wearing it is sexually aroused, at which point the ring will summon a condom into the player's hand.

[@marclytle644]

haha that is great. You can still beat someone with a limp staff.

[@zarnox3071]

They didn't specify which head needed to be returned to prove the bandits were dead. Missed opportunity right there.

[@kurtkoopa5471]

I don't know, he got two heads out of that one swing. So double the prize on the poor frozen bandits. XD

[@nopegaming2117]

Nice profile picture

[@zarnox3071]

@@nopegaming2117 Thanks

[@jacobsmith3083]

My dm gave me a special item related to the deity I worshipped. (Kanopy the god of chaos). It was called the amulet of Kanopy, and it allowed me to quickly poof in and out of every single room of a location and roll a perception check. Pretty cool sometimes. So we get to this ruin and I use it. I quickly poofed in and out of every room in the ruin. Cue several dozen various monsters and enemies throughout the entire ruin collectively saying “wut”, as they stared dumbfounded at the corner where they saw a random dude appear and disappear in a flash.

[@funnyblog100]

The fish whistle could definitely be exploited. Save up gold for a fishing vessel and you now have unlimited food for the party and gold because you can sell what you catch. Just blow the whistle and sell your haul in any port. Congrats you just turned dnd into deadliest catch the tabletop rpg.

[@spookyskellyicecreamlordlo8874]

I GAVE THEM ICE CREAM!!! Here’s yours! 🍯🍦

[@burritodoggo122]

Here's your test: One ice cream 2 strawberry scoops, one scoop of vanilla, chocolate drizzle, and sprinkles. STAT

[@dannymokelke8543]

I refuse

[@spookyskellyicecreamlordlo8874]

🍦 2x🍓🍨🔥🍫🍡

[@capy-karma186]

(DM) Ah Frank, the crippled human Artificer and his Nut Buster. Honestly, only one of the weirdest things he has made.

[@gamedifficulty_4230]

“With great power comes great irresponsibility”

[@kimpelle7183]

Best Item I ever gave my players was the Magic Sphere of Scrying and Foretelling. A black sphere with a shape of the number 8 on it. Once a day it could cast the scrying spell (which was never used) also you could ask it a question and shake it to receive a portent of the future, the rogue would take these answers as absolute truth and never question them, even though I clearly rolled a die and consulted a chart for the answer, which were like "Outlook not so good", "Count on it", "Reply hazy, try again". The best thing about it was probably the utter facepalm one of my players did when he guessed it was just a magic eightball. There was also the "Tinfoil Helmet" which provided mind protection, and even more so against conspiracies or government and lastly the Sex Panther which would have a 60% chance to charm the opposite gender and a 40 % chance to cast stinking cloud. Pretty silly campaign, but we had a lot of laughs

[@SymbioteMullet]

A friend of mine had a sword that could randomly summon a mechanical fire breathing duck once every few rounds... can't remember much about it. I guess DMs just find ducks funny.

[@janTesika]

ducks have been proven to be the most entertaining animal. no joke.

[@TheMemeLich5122]

As a DM i can confirm that ducks are hilarious.

[@psoodoe9897]

Cancer Ring: give the wearer deadly cancer. The player I gave it to used it on a God beholder who could lucid dream which made him super powerful. The ring made the Gargantuan Eyeball monster explode into a flood of body fluid.

[@mattsmith457]

This sounds like it was written by someone who doesn't play DnD

[@psoodoe9897]

@@mattsmith457 lmao, at the time I was very new and just screwed around.

[@mattsmith457]

@@psoodoe9897 I suppose, but even so I've never heard of a God beholder or a beholder that could lucid dream. And how did you get the ring on the Beholder? They're just kind of... orbs.

[@psoodoe9897]

lucid dreaming is common with intelligent creatures, and the eye stalks were a bit smaller than even a normal beholder, so I figured if the ring was large enough to fit on a half-giant, then it could fit on a shrunken stalk.

[@owainjones6837]

I made an item based on the gnomes from fable 3, only used it once A rogue was stealing from an auction house and the gnome caught his eye, he stole it and later learnt it was a bad idea, it follows him around, hurls insults that do 1d4 psychic damage if you roll less then 15 Inna con save, it also steals random items from your inventory once a day and replaced them with cheap copies that break, poison or just do nothing, the rogue learnt this when he died from a "greater health potion" which was in fact a really strong poison that did 5d10 damage, now the barbarian has the gnome, the barbarian tried to break it and is now missing an eye because anything lower then a nat20 is a fail

[@dragobane4728]

Have it destroyable by a gun, and only a gun, at max range by placing the gnome specifically on a rooftop or bridge

[@MrBojangles447]

the dm gave me the "baguette mace of celiac justice" after a funny set of house rules allowed me to kill a mind flayer end boss and his pet dragon with a baguette. Did a good amount of damage and decent buffs but the kicker was it also had a 5% chance for an instant kill with each attack based on a d100 roll.

[@blaqice5075]

The funniest item I gave a player was called a "diddly-sqwat" and it had to be inside a bag of holding to use it. It did diddly-sqwat and made the bag of holding useless.

[@havenscar497]

During or session 0 I gave everyone 1 magical item that fit there characters personalities ( mostly joke items). Gave my buddy the worlds fanciest hat. When worn it make it so that you are accepted into and social group as if your part of the group. They still know who you are and may not like you even but they won't shame or look down on you, they would accept you as if your one of them. He used it to get onto any and every big party/ball without ever having to roll the dice, turns out I'd given him the (hat of im gonna go party with the king you peasants hat). He's been a bit snobby lately

[@anthonyrowlodge5357]

Question. Does the bandit that was turned into an ox go back into a bandit when he dies after getting burned or does he stay a well cooked ox that the party can eat for the next couple days

[@andrewcarnagey2167]

that is a good question.

[@goose9098]

I’m a bard, the dm gave me a “accordion of vicious mockery” from then on I play random accordion covers whenever I play it

[@shahiemsantos]

My death domain cleric got a magic spoon that could expand which he used to bury bodies. Allies and enemies he'd stop what he's doing pull out his spoon make it grow and start digging graves.

[@BlackRainRising]

Arrow of Sleighing, party found it in a caravan carrying some weapons and armor to the city but had been attacked, as they were investigating they were jumped by some Orcs that were coming back to take what they left behind. They had an Ogre Mage with them, well during the fight one of the rogues sees these big arrows and a small ballista in the back of this wagon, she takes her turn setting it up and prepping to shoot and when her initiative came around again, she looked to me and said "I'm shooting the Ogre, big arrow, big target, should do quite a bit", she rolls her attack and I start laughing as it didn't matter... I describe to her as the big arrow lets loose from the ballista, it goes out about 10 feet then plops to the ground in the form of a 4-seater toboggan... she flops back in her chair and throws her hands up going "I don't know what to do" so her rogue was out for a couple rounds until she was able to collect her thoughts again. After the fight the group had a good laugh about it, but in that moment that player didn't think it was all that funny.... and we still talk about it to this day.

[@pikatheminecrafter]

10:53 this right here is perfect. I had to go out of my way to find this specific video again just for this.

[@grapenut7299]

The DM gave my friend a fish sword that squirms around and needs a strength check to keep it in your grasp

[@axel2632]

I had a vivid imagination when the sheild of resurrection came up. I couldn't stop laughing for a good min.

[@voltsiano116]

Naked Glasses - the wearer appears invisible, but only to themselves. To everyone else, it appears as though the wearer's clothes have disappeared. They were sold to my rogue, advertised as Glasses of Invisibility. Our new party member was in the same shop as me, so (wanting to test my new item) I put the glasses on, turned to them, and asked "Am I invisible?" And that was my character's first interaction with the new PC.

[@liquidweird6055]

My DM gave me the "Socks of Strahd" They are white with little embroidered bats on them and they smell of mildew and dust. For 5 feet of movement, the wearer can cross their arms over their chest and rise from prone or go prone like a vampire from a cheesy movie rising from their coffin.

[@ericb3157]

"Rick and Morty vs D&D"... oh, i read the second part of that! Rick was sucked into a weird place where he had to battle a bunch of his own rejected characters: Bardrick, Sorcerick, Clerick, and so on!

[@disableddragonborn]

That shield story immediately makes me think of Dingo Doodles's Fool's Gold campaign when two of the PCs, Sips and Gothi, are trying to resurrect a character and find out the character's soul is in a crystal, so they repeatedly whack the massive crystal with the character's corpse.

[@tysondennis1016]

Got the same mental image

[@disableddragonborn]

@@tysondennis1016 Imagine if Sneeze could see out from inside the crystal and was watching that. 😂

[@Xarestrill]

This might be a little long, but it's our groups favorite item ever. Way way back in my first campaign (AD&D 2e), one of my friends played a wizard who got retconed into a wild mage after I got the source book. He was really into the whole chaotic randomness, and sometimes complained that a wild surge would only happen 5% of the time. I'd been reading through the encyclopedia magica and found the 7 variations of the Wand of Wonder. A wand of wonder is a wand (duh) that when used casts a random effect from a table. Some of the effects are funny but useless, some are good, some are amazingly powerful, some affected your target, and some affect you. I tweaked the lists out a little (so they all had 50 effects), and whenever he'd use the wand he'd roll a D8 and d100. The d100 would choose the effect, and the d8 would choose which of the 7 tables he'd roll on. It the d8 came up as an 8 he'd roll it again to choose the table and the target would be reversed (so if you rolled an effect that affected your target, it'd affect you instead, and vice versa). Oh, and since it was so funny to watch, I gave it endless charges. This thing was a TPK waiting to happen. A few examples of effects: Stream of large butterflies that flutter around blinding everyone for a few rounds, shrink the wielder to 1/12 size, shoot a bunch of nearly worthless gems at the target doing 1 damage each, reverse gravity affects the target and everyone within 30' for several minutes (so they all fall hundreds of feet into the sky before gravity returns to normal), 800 bouncy balls rain from the sky, chain lightning at the target, cover the target in chocolate syrup, delayed blast fireball at the caster's feet, incendiary cloud centered on target, shoot an anvil at the target, meteor swarm on the wielder, fire a black pudding gray ooze or ochre jelly at the target, ring of the ram effect on target, wall of peanut brittle, and so on. The wizard stopped using weapons and spell, all he ever did was use the wand, hundreds of times over the next couple of years. He was insanely lucky on the rolls, and never got more than a mild inconvenience for him or the party while getting the luckiest rolls to save all their butts in clutch situations. Decades later in completely different genres he almost always asks at character creation if he can have the wand again.

[@caolanochearnaigh9804]

The Cloak of Partial Invisibility. When you put this cloak on, everything becomes invisible except for your body, leaving you looking like you're butt naked.

[@lrknm]

Staff of Buttermancy, made with butter skulls, can summon butter zombies and butter oozes.

[@AmbassadorArt2]

The flower popping out of the fox's head and gaining speech is one of the most amazing MrRipper stories I have ever heard. Incredible, huge respect to the mind behind that idea

[@Sanetless]

My dad usually DMs for friends & family, and one day a friend looted something & begged for a magical item. My dad rolled, and sighed. "Alright, you find a sponge! And when you identify it, it reveals itself to be the Eversoaking Sponge." He threw it in as a gag, but... One ocean, and 3 water elementals later, he regretted it. You can also wring it to release the water from it, and it's been a recurring item in sessions, and we've found it a few times. We fought fire elementals soon after finding it once, and my mom wrung it out, releasing a couple annoyed water elementals that started fighting the fire ones XD

[@emilysmith2965]

The minute they mentioned the Fish Whistle, I was on board with this video. What a ridiculous item. In the best way.

[@ClericBuddy1999]

One of my players rolled high for a perception check and in his immediate area was just some large fist size rocks and some empty barrels, he's a warforge totem barbarian. He filled all three barrels up with rocks and heard a small band of goblins coming his way, they were supposed to be friendly enough but he immediately placed a barrel on its side and kicked it down the sloping path with a strength of 23 and since it was done quickly it got a surprise attack on the band, splattered them, he pillaged there bodies for....home fragments and ripped one of there heads off when he saw there village near by....his back story was a warforge that was built to solely kill anything that's perceived as a threat.....long story short he now has a permanent +3 to intimidation to goblins and a +2 to attack against him as he himself killed 10 hobgoblins and 40 regular goblins and 2 hobgoblin captains...with only three greatsword attacks, and one of the barrels that was full of now broken up rocks and bone that exploded when he got a nat 20 to throw one at a hobgoblin captain and it shrapnelled into 41 pieces and dealt 28 damage....only 2 survived and ran away, he also took 38 damage as he failed his dex save...but he shrugged it off.....he's level 8 I've made a monster that is somehow rigging online dice and is creative for killing

[@bgdragon99]

My players found a jewel-encrusted dagger in a room where there were dead bandits and a mimic chest - a high investigation check revealed they had killed each other in battle. They took the dagger. Little do my players know that the dagger is actually an orphaned baby mimic. Their travel rations keep disappearing and the dagger keeps growing into larger weapons. They have yet to ask any questions even though it has morphed into a greataxe.

[@kentonkyuubininefox9264]

I'm really happy that you were able to make a community that is so wholesome and nice.

[@3xm-draconic676]

ring of anti-levitation, it magnetizes you to the ground and you can't move un till you take it off

[@Josh_D78]

That could be rather interesting when combined with a tank player

[@nickolaswilcox425]

that sounds op as hell with just a bit of smart use

[@3xm-draconic676]

@@Josh_D78 we stuck it on the bbeg and the walked past him and took all the end-game loot

[@stunsisacul]

The Book of Screaming would be the perfect decoy for an ambush attack. Set it 30 feet away and open it with mage hand.

[@jakegibbs9638]

In 5e i gave one of my players, a dreams druid/creation bard, who is known among everyone as the chaos engine, a staff which when used to attack would cause a burst of wild magic and roll the d10000 table. The best time it was used was when he wacked the sorcerer (female draconic bloodline played by a male player) with it. The effect he rolled allowed the target to teleport which i altered slightly. I told the sorcerer she now knew she could teleport at will. When she tried to teleport she did, without anything she was carrying, yes anything. I names it Granny' whoopin stick because the player played an 80 something halfling grandma named Babushka

[@Kittyhawk28]

The coolest home brew item I ever got was the Phoenix Bow, later called the Nuke Bow. It had insane damage, i rolled a 3 and left a huge crater in the middle of the map

[@Kimosabes2hot]

Late since I just found the channel, but back when I actually had friends, I gave our DM an idea for a homebrew where (tl;dr)You had to stop the resurrection of the Empress of the Sea. One of the items involved was A Water Snake's Crystal Eye. When completely submerged in any container holding a liquid that did not exceeding a size of 30m Length, Width, and Height, it created an infinite supply of the liquid inside until it filled the container. Only rules it really had were it had to be physically placed in the container and couldn't just be dropped in and if the container it was housed in were to be flipped over, then the liquid would flow infinitely until the container is flipped up. Since he didn't like it, he said no and I never got a chance to do anything with it.

[@LtBasil]

In my first ever campaign my cousin's character was trying to make some makeshift shanks out of a couple broken spears. He made some flimsy, one-use weapons that dealt terrible damage and basically weren't worth using. In an attempt to make them more useful, he decided to try enchanting them. He succeeded, but forgot to specify what effect he was going for, so my sister, who was DM-ing at the time, didn't tell us what they did. Cue the next combat session, my cousin uses the shanks against an enemy - and when he stabs them, they gain four HP. And that's the story of how my cousin became the team healer by stabbing people.

[@nvfury13]

A set of magical dice, one of each type from a D&D dice set. Each die, and each number on it had a different effect. D4: 1-Cleanse everything in 10 ft radius, 2-Grease everything in a 10 ft radius, 3-Shouts “Hey You Guys!” can be heard clearly in 120 ft, 4-Dancing Lights. D6: Summoned different 1HD creature with each number. (Lost that list) D8: Teleports you into a direction decided by number rolled (1 Plane shifted you to the Astral Plane, 8 Plane shifted to Ethereal Plane) D10: Each number caused a different spell effect (list lost) but healing spells as well as damage spells were on the list. D12: Demons...just demons. It got sealed away quickly. D20: Temporarily summoned an NPC of the rolled number level to aid the user, choice of healer, fighter, thief made at time of roll. Lasts for a turn per level. Percentile: After the first roll buried the party in gold (nearly killing some of them), and the second created a volcano, was quickly deemed too dangerous to use and tossed into the volcano.

[@bandiras2]

Dragon plushie deals 1 cold damage when squeed? Dude, It's a refrigerator!

[@everestjackson4421]

I have a story for this! I just finished the first session of a new campaign, where my players were obsessed with sauerkraut for some reason. One player, our dwarf bard, got access to some cabbage and made some sauerkraut. Our paladin (who has a history of murderhoboing, but that’s a different story) was so excited that he wanted to pour all the sauerkraut down his throat, essentially chugging it. I made him roll to see if he choked. Nat20. I had no idea what to do! I sat in stunned silence thinking about how I can make this more than just “you chug the sauerkraut.” I ended up saying this: “You drank the sauerkraut so well that the jar has been blessed with magic. The sauerkraut doubles, triples, and never seems to run out, no matter how much you swallow.” I gave them a jar of infinite sauerkraut. They drew a smiley face on it and named it Kirby. Later that night they cut off a blacksmith’s legs, cooked them in sauerkraut, and then made him eat them. I ended up saying we should stop playing for the night and take some time to think.

[@Eliza-hb1nc]

i was expecting the shield of resurrection to resurrect itself.

[@McCroskeySisters]

My party found a homebrew item (I think created by our DM, aka our dad) called the "Boots of Slow-Motion Awesomeness". Our gnome ranger got them. Once per combat, he can now run in slow-motion Matrix-style, with a chance to stun any enemies who see it with his sheer coolness. It became a running gag that in our first encounter with an NPC, they would always mention the boots and comment on how cool they were. The best part is that our paladin was always the coolest one and the de facto leader. But he's become much more insecure now that the tiny gnome ranger is consistently cooler than him. Every time he puts his boots on the table during a negotiation, a little part of the paladin dies.

[@emberfist8347]

Actually in Harry Potter, the Mandrakes kill anyone who hears their scream. Neville was still alive because he dealing infant Mandrakes not adults.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

Actually, Neville just fainted from how grossed out he was. :) That's why it was funny.

[@marcusreading3783]

@@melkiorwiseman5234 Which makes no god damn sense when you consider that Herbology was the only class Neville was any good at. I personally think that was one of the dumbest changes the film made.

[@dylanburroughs4841]

I DMed for a party who had a bard who was... quite amorous; of course. When the party left their starting village, all the villagers gathered for their send off and gave them a gift for their many deeds. A deranged, crazy, and quick talking farmer gave the bard a "Unicorn", handing over a curled and decorative ram's horn. The rest of the party looked confused, but the bard jumped back and screamed "Nope". You see, farmer hadn't handed him a "Unicorn". He'd handed him a "Eunuch Horn". A musical horn, that when blown, prevents the user from conceiving children for 24 hours.

[@midorithefestivegardevoir6727]

Imagine going down to one health and you get killed a plush toy.

[@HappilyHomicidalHooligan]

I was told about this one that existed in a Campaign that occurred before I started playing RPG's. It was called the Miscellaneous Blunt Object +1. Until drawn, it looks like a normal Long Sword in a scabbard, but when you grab the hilt and draw the "sword" what you actually get is a random Blunt Object attached to the hilt you're holding with the inscription 'Miscellaneous Blunt Object' etched into it in the native language of the wielder (Common for Humans, Dwarven for Dwarves etc.) it does 1D8+1 Bludgeoning Damage (plus strength modifiers if any) and how it looks changes every time it's drawn. I was told it's appeared as a baseball bat, cricket bat, pool cue, 4 foot long tooth pick and a 4 foot long Q-Tip among MANY other things...It apparently was a favorite when dealing with a pack of Skeletons - that was the Cricket Bat...

[@GamingRabbit17]

not an item, but an animal, the Duck of Many things. It would lay a small number of eggs each day, and those eggs, when broken, would have an effect of a homebrewed deck of many things. If the egg were allowed to hatch, it could either become a normal duck (48% chance), a card from the deck (48% chance), a Duck of Many Things (2% chance), or a normal deck of many things (2% chance). All the cards have some sort of duck theme. if they got the Wish spell, the spell had to have something to do with ducks the Avatar of Death and the Guardian Angel were both Ducks instead of a cat familiar, it would be a duck familiar etc.

[@GamingRabbit17]

@Trin Silvers it started with a homebrew deck of many things on D&D beyond by a guy with duck in their online name. I added the duck theme, then later had a duck consume the deck, absorbing its power and becoming the Duck of Many Things

[@iamsushi1056]

I once had a ring that, if you rolled an attack on it and succeeded, you could then put the ring on and shoot somebody with finger guns. (You could also be wearing the ring assuming you punched something hard enough, but that was less effective) With the sound of a rubber chicken a banana would shoot out. How many you were able to shoot out depended on how much damage you had dealt. I had gotten this ring and hadn't had a chance to do an arcana check as we were jumped in the alleyway we had found it in. I started pummeling with all my might against the face of the thug, despite the fact that I was the shortest lightest player in the party. I just couldn't get a weapon out. All of a sudden bananas fly out from my fingertips and smack the guy in the face with the sound of a rubber chicken. Nobody in this world, including the characters in the party, knew what a banana was. Or finger guns, come to think of it. Fun times. I miss that campaign.

[@realrane]

My DM gave me a mirror of mustaches. I could use it to give anyone who saw their reflection in it, facial hair of my choosing. Not very practical but still funny.

[@Moody_uwu]

I love it whenever the narrator breaks into laughter!!

[@emmettedwards2587]

After my party had killed the big bad of our campaign. The DM at this time, in a "transitional period" for the story, decided to make up several smaller side quests while he wrote up the next big adventure. One of these side quests involved meeting the god of madness. He came to us in the middle of our camp while we ate and spoke in rhyme. He said "There once was a party who ate very hearty with nothing else left to do. Then along came me with a face full of glee who offered the the dagger Lou." Upon which he dropped a rusted, broken dagger and promptly returned to his plane of existence. Many trap and arcana checks later we are convinced that it's just an ordinary dagger. Myself, (A male dragonborn Barbarian) picks up the dagger and the DM describes a glorious scene of bright flashing lights. Of how the sound of metal scraping on metal fills our ears, and the rusted, broken dagger is now a golden hilted, silver bladed, jewel encrusted blade of magnificent proportions. To our surprise we all heard a voice that said "Oh, can I finally come out of my shell? Is that madman finally done with me? Shame, I was starting to enjoy his presence~" We discovered VERY quickly through trial and error that this dagger, was a Sentient Dagger named "Lou, the Gay Dagger." What it does: While in the hands of anyone it deems unattractive, over the course of 1d8 Days the dagger will rust, chip, and all around become unusable. However, while in the hands of a male it deems attractive, it becomes a +5 Magic Dagger that deals Necrotic damage to living tissue, and if you roll a nat 20, roll 2d10, if you get double 0, it instantly kills the target.

[@miltonmccuistion]

My character Stanton McDooge, wisdom of 12, decided to "adopt" a nearly dead cobald after one of our group's first battles. Whenever I was hit, I would roll to see if "Meepo" was hit as well. I was the tank. He survived for almost the entire campaign. Meepo died after Stan was swallowed whole by a colossal lizard. He didn't pass his constitution check when being dissolved by stomach acid. RIP Meepo, he died how he lived: strapped to a murderous man-child's backpack. The DM would periodically have me roll for animal handling so Meepo would actually become a follower but Stan was to dumb.

[@IHaveWaffles]

I created a character yesterday. He's a Goliath Barbarian that is so stupid he forgets his name and calls himself Doug, he may also run off to hug small furry creatures. He hugs too hard. There's a sprite named Meelah bound to him that corrects his speech and she hates him but he's too stupid to know that or much of anything else. She's honestly the only reason he's alive as no one in my group really likes him, which is fun for me. I created him this way as I work pretty long hours and only have 2 days off so I don't really have that much time to play

[@genostellar]

The funniest item I've ever given was called The Finger Ring of Fingering. It was a magic ring in the shape of a finger curled into itself with the fingernail as the gem. It was an item that was originally small enough to fit a pixie's finger, as it was created by pixies, but due to it being a magic item it changed size to fit the PC's fingers. The item, when activated, allowed the player to target one creature within the ring's range and an illusion of their own hand would appear in that creature's space, hovering right in front of it's face, and would flip them off.

[@dragobane4728]

Can a bard cast viscous mockery with it?

[@genostellar]

@@dragobane4728 It could definitely improve the effect of that spell.

[@dragobane4728]

@@genostellar hell yeah

[@eurekatan9764]

A ridiculous fish shield. The weapon smith said that it costs 50 silver and my character's dignity, to which I made my character respond, "Bold of you to assume I have any dignity." And offered the prince's dignity instead of mine

[@datatoken5851]

Dm of pathfinder game, I made armor out of blood crystal. It started as pale pink and could resize for whoever's closest or wearing it. It was like plate in style, but depending on how much damage you took, it would get better defenses including damage reduction, however the redder the crystal was, the more difficult it was to heal, and the armor would deal increasing bleed damage. The barbarian who worshiped a blood God thought it was a divine gift while others thought it was evil. Party had a lot of fun with it.

[@InferLynX]

I don’t know about anyone else but I love hearing you crack a laugh makes it even funnier!😂

[@Draqer]

The Jockstrap of Male Virility: Any man who wears it(As a jockstrap) will succesfully impregnate anyone who has sex with them. The group had some questions on how it functions, what the limitations are and why someone would make it. I have yet to admit i never considered any of those question and now i am haunted by them.

[@samjohnson7325]

A beautiful ornate magical display/storage box that is just barely too small to fit the desired item inside, regardless of the item

[@IcarussArtss]

The funniest items I gave out were a set of a fake beard and fake facial hair: Beard of Chad: You are immune to the effects of alcohol and have an advantage in intimidation checks. (hidden, cursed effect: every time your dice roll in charisma checks are 10 or under, instead of saying what you intend to, you spew insults and appear rude) Glorious chesthair: This chesthair is so glorious and thick, it almost passes as a form of light armor. +1 to AC, resistance to cold damage. Both items were picked up by our barbarian

[@redacted606]

Here's a homebrew item in making up as im typing it. A talisman that looks like the person who picks it up, every time its damaged you take 1 damage of any kind, how ever, you can prevent yourself from certain temperature conduction but keeping the talisman warm in your pockets in a winter setting or cool in dessert climates or volcanic climates, but be careful as this protection could damage the talisman/you, like keeping it in water, you could drown yourself. If the talisman is destroyed you die with no death saves or race skill to save you, once your revived the talisman does reform but it looks different meaning its connection to you is gone and the next person to pick it up is the new owner.

[@kmkrax]

Most of the party thought animal handling was a dump stat except 1. Until I gave them two wyvern mounts and they continuously rolled 1’s and 2’s on the check. They got Stung a lot.

[@Blast335pokemineblox]

So in exchange for assisting the players gain access to some ancient ruins, the players agreed to give the governor of the province a share of the gold and magic items they found (and I in and out of game implied that they would still walk away with a fair bit.) I ended the session as they reached the ruins because I hadn't actually made the dungeon yet (this was intentional to keep our sessions from going for too long). Well the COVID cases on campus spiked and a bunch of the players were put in quarantine and then the college sent us home for the rest of the semester. Come back in January and I make the dungeon and run it. Half way through one of the players suggests they haven't been searching the place thoroughly enough because they haven't found any magic items. It was here I realized "Oh crap, I forgot to make magic loot". So before the final 2 encounters I have them come across a room full of trinkets and I come up with some random stuff on the fly. Little items that are magical but not powerful by any means, except for one. The three items of note are the following: 1. A bell that when rung creates a sphere of silence that is 20-feet in diameter (lasts until the bell is rung again or the bell is removed from the sphere). 2. A whistle that when blown makes a random noise emanate from somewhere else in the immediate area (think minor illusion). 3. The high level one: an amulet that has 5 charges, if an enemy were to score a critical hit on the wearer, it becomes a crit fail. They gave the amulet to the goblin they took prisoner at the beginning of the campaign. These three items are of note because the next encounter was against 3 darkmantles, which are squidlike things that create darkness and use echolocation. So the 2 sound-based items were very effectively employed by the party. The amulet saved the goblin during the fight with the shadow-demon at the end of the dungeon.

[@Raezialien]

The pint of infinite thrist: if you try to drink from it when empty, the pint will glow in the direction of the nearest tavern.

[@FerreTrip]

This could actually be useful if you're trying to find civilization out in the middle of nowhere.

[@jeffreyeber3971]

I once gave a player a dagger which allowed him to know his opponents thoughts with a successful attack. First time he used it he excitedly asked “what’s the orc thinking?!?” I then enthusiastically yelled “$#!+ I just been stabbed!!”

[@nolanporter8612]

I DMed my first campaign about a week ago. The party was hired to deliver a wagon through a mountain range. They were on a narrow road on the side of cliff, the first night they stopped in a cave. They were ambushed by slaad tadpoles, the next night they decided to have the people who were watching would lead the wagon and everyone else would just sleep in the wagon. On the second watch, they heard some rocks and hoof sounds about 100 feet ahead. THEY ALL LOST THEIR MIND, they convinced themselves it was some big monster meant to kill them all. They finally decided to have the kobald monk sneak up and see what it was. It was a goat. They were all short in rations so I figured ide help them out a bit. She decided to go back and tell everyone it's a great big monster, on some stupidly good deception roles they believed her fully, eventually she told the truth and they used fire bolt to kill/cook it.

[@Metalchemist2]

I had a player who was playing a character who detested women. . . This made several of our encounters difficult as he was the only male character of the group. So I gave him a cursed item that made him to swap genders every time another person came in sight. Not to be completely heartless, it also gave him +3 in any persuasion attempts vs men. We now call him blind bob who still manages to see better than anyone else.

[@pyrobaka5227]

Once, wile the party was still at level one, the Rouge in the party pick pocketed a helpless old mad. He got a natural 20 on the slight of hand check so I gave him some gold and a ring. The wizard in the group, a very regal and proud high elf, snatched the right right away and decided to put it on. The right was a cursed ring of interrupted communication. Every single time this proud elf spoke she would either belch or fart loudly half way through her sentence. This destroyed the characters self of steam for a wile, the curse was only able to be removed by either a remove curse spell, or by getting someone else to willingly put the ring on. Then ended up tricking a drunk into taking the ring and its curse. The wizard then promptly picked up the identify spell.

[@rigormoritz]

Haven't yet but I am planning on giving The Whispering Dagger of Flattery to one of the rogues in the party. Upon dealing mortal blow, it compels the wielder to whisper a compliment to the victim as they fall.

[@tysondennis1016]

Here’s an item idea I have: The Maul of Bounciness. On the damage roll, this squeaky hammer allows you to reroll any dice that get a 6, and get extra damage. And there’s no upper limit; only how many 6s you can get that your luck decides.

[@Phoenixqueen77]

I didn't know that paintbrushes had the ability to disguise themselves as pebbles.. the more you know, I guess.

[@DIRTkat_ofc]

Diary of Whispering: when open the diary, it will SCREAM a random secret writen in it, anyone who hears the scream, now can only whisper for 1d4 hours. sometimes it would scream things like "today i pooped myself", and everyone looked at the guy holding the diary thinking he was the one who screamed it

[@QuanTrietLOL]

A chain mail that provides resistance to piercing dmg. The dealer says no one can penetrate it. The female paladin was pleased. What I didn't tell her was that it has a hidden attribute: +2 to blungeoning. The armor cannot be penetrated, but can easily be hammered

[@XanthIllion]

The Wand of Disappointment! My party, at lvl 1, encountered a magic shop. At lvl 1, they couldn't afford any of really nice magic items. So they left without buying anything. They were then approached by a really shady street peddler. "I see you've got an interest in magic items. Would you be interested in purchasing the legendary Wand of Disappointment?" The asked what the wand does. And the peddler replied that he didn't know, as the wizard who sold it to him never told him. The price is 10G. The party haggled him down to a handful of Silver, and the rogue gleefully took possession of the Wand. "How do I use it?" she asked. And the peddler directed her back into the magic shop for instructions. Placing the wand before the shopkeeper for advice, they just looked the rogue dead in the eye, and flatly said: "That's a Stick."

[@riccardozanoni2531]

A set of three wooden dice with one missing... all of them with no symbols on the faces, just plain wood cubes... no magic property, nothing special. They are still looking for the third one after four whole afternoons. The research has basically made them travel through half the region😂 Edit: my party is entirely made of paladins/monks plus a homebrewed fighter which only uses throwable axes and gets some power from the runes on his body... so nobody can detect magic

[@greendragonfly4831]

A god trapped in a pair of swords. After you attuned to it, the swords relied on you to keep the God whole. If you dropped on it would scream and you'd take heavy psychic damage.

[@jonathantheslow]

Mine is from Pathfinder, but it’s the Cheek Pouches of Holding on my Ratfolk Rogue. It started out as a joke during character creation and it’s something I’m planning to invest in later on in the campaign.

[@kylerobbins4583]

6:30 imagine hiccuping for days on end. I don't have to, there was a girl I went to high school with who had a case of hiccups that lasted almost 10 years. Perplexed doctors, they did eventually stop.

[@altose5248]

A towel that dries a medium or smaller creature in 1 action and instantly dries itself ready for more use. It is also comforting with a 75% chance of removing one level of exhaustion and/or fear condition after a long rest. Pretty pointless really but means everyone wants to know where their towel is at