What is Trauma Bonding? | Kati Morton

[@noorienoorie7784]

It's been 8 months since I've left my abusive husband and I still miss him and have dreams about him. It really hurts and I cry almost every day. Trauma bonding is a real thing.

[@lauralaine8678]

cast away ~ Trust me, this feeling of missing him will pass. Don't give in & go back!!! I know it's hard bc I've been through it also, dreams, tears, fear of being alone. Stay strong bc you are worth it 💙

[@bethc8809]

You are strong!!!! You can't choose who you love but you can choose who you live with. Don't go back, you deserve real love and safety.

[@andreacardenas01]

Hi Cast Away, i just want to let you know, that I understand missing the very person that broke you. I know its hard, I know it sucks, but please trust me when I tell you, it does get better, little by little, just please practice some self care, push yourself to do diffrent things as that will help your self estime, and surronund yourself of people that remind you you are a great human. For me its been a year, we are now officially divorced, and i have a baby boy and I can honestly tell you that some days i dont even feel sad anymore, now im not saying the mayority of them, but some of them yes, and ill apppreciate every one i can get. May i recomend you some books? Who am I without you-Christina Hilbert, Why does he do that- Lundy Bancroft, Women who love too much- Robin Norwood, A new earth: Awakening to your lifes purpose-Eckhart Tolle

[@michelehughes51]

It is hard because yes my ex was abusive but he wasn't bad all the time.If he was I never would've dated him in the first place. I still remember the long walks on the beach and the rides on the ferris wheel.I also remember the black eyes and broken bones. As was said in the video I had to grieve. It does get easier with time. Stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you👏

[@michellemadison2539]

5 months for me , stay strong you are not alone . ❤️

[@michellebailey1797]

Am I the only one who adores the way she says “Welcome!” In the intro?

[@witch5878]

me too^^

[@mylifejen6372]

She’s so adorable! 🤗

[@kenshens6410]

A little fake if you ask me , didn’t seem that happy from the beginning but love the educational information given.

[@lindseykeating]

A little and part of me wants to not fawn

[@stefanydower1350]

she's just too cute! Yes, I love how she is so cheerie and happy.

[@jodam96]

Had a trauma bond with my ex. Let me tell you, it’s SO hard to break!!!

[@TheBestia97]

how did u manage to break it

[@smack7589]

Did you break it 🥺

[@relicojustice2623]

Mine’s coming up on 3 yrs now, any luck yet

[@Beatrice.Lieberman]

It hurts to imagine life without my boyfriend. I never thought it would come to this point where I might have to let go. I know this may not be the right place to share this, but I feel like I’m gradually losing myself, and I don’t know what to do. I’m holding tightly to the beautiful moments we shared, and I sincerely hope he finds happiness.

[@MarshaRobinson-k5o]

I completely understand how you feel. I went through something similar when my long term relationship ended. It felt like my heart was shattered, and no matter how much time passed, I couldn’t let go of the memories. I tried everything to get him back talking to friends for advice, even writing letters I never sent. Eventually, I found help through Father Tosin Ayodele, who came through for me and helped me get my man back.

[@Beatrice.Lieberman]

Wow, this really gives me hope. How can I get in touch with Father Tosin Ayodele?

[@MarshaRobinson-k5o]

It’s super easy! His handle is, Father Tosin Ayodele. Just reach out and explain your situation to him. He’s a great listener and offers helpful advice too.

[@Beatrice.Lieberman]

Thank you so much! 🙏 You’re right sharing really does bring solutions. I’m so grateful.

[@DebbieDavis-y9j]

i recommend father tosin ayodele saved my marriage with my husband 💕now we are together again in love and oneness thank you sir 💕I'm grateful

[@DahliaLegacy]

The best advice to give people on relationships to ask them "if this happened to your best friend how would you feel? What would you tell them?" Then to make yourself your best friend. We say a lot to ourselves that we would never say to them, so it helps too when you're being a bully to yourself.

[@QueenZsWorld]

this can happen in parent-child relationships, too. I didn't realize their was a name for it; thank you for explaining

[@snowqueen24]

Me neither until I watched a previous video of it last weekend.

[@Amtheystsky]

Yeah me and my mommy and stepdad I’m living with my daddy and I miss my stepdad so freaking much

[@rmi9345]

omg I read "Why is Trauma boring?" and now I feel so bad lol..

[@andreaholden452]

Mojo LOL!

[@kattykit139]

It do get old sometimes tho lol 😂

[@thenaturaltherapist8101]

As humans, we frequently gravitate to that which is familiar - even if that means continued trauma. So thankful that RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! Thanks for spreading the word, Kati! Love your channel and the messages you spread.

[@rosedawson1248]

I had a therapist tell me that. Our FOO (family of origin) can frequently set us up for continued trauma because of the familiar. The key is to break the cycle.

[@sylgem]

So true! My mother was the first and so many bosses, boyfriends, friends since repeat the experience that I need to walk on eggshells for me. Time to break the cycle!

[@melissacarter2493]

I recently left my abuser. Thank you for reassuring me that it's ok to be sad even though logic says it was a bad relationship, my heart still aches...

[@flexflow4602]

3 years later, I am curious, what’s your perspective on that experience now?

[@TheseFourWalls]

Hey Kati - Great video! I can relate to a lot of this... I was molested for 2 years, by my math teacher. When I finally told my parents, my family wanted to see this man rot in prison. Understandable. But I felt a lot of worry... Like, for HIS well-being. And sympathy as well, cuz I still felt "to blame" somehow. Therapy helped me see things more clearly, and now I'm being properly treated for cptsd. Therapy IS a life saver. 💛

[@kayleighdittemore8352]

So interesting! My favorite thing about your videos is that I don’t necessarily resonate with all of them, but I learn so so much! Love it because now I’m more aware & have learned to be kind to everyone! Plus you are pretty stinkin’ awesome. I look forward to Monday’s and Thursday’s :)

[@Katimorton]

Awe yay! I am so glad you find them interesting!! xoxo

[@andreagomera]

I AM TRYING TO WATCH THEM ALL SO I CAN HELP OTHERS. THANK YOU KATI FOR TAKING SOME MINUTES OF YOUR WORKING DAYS TO HELP US.

[@TheGravityTime]

After my abusive relationship ended, i missed him for years. This is real.

[@shanmugapriyamohan6481]

Do u miss him now?

[@MiaPaboplanesSantos]

I understand. In my case,i didn't miss my ex friend. I've only kept that friendship (Trauma bonding occurs on friendships too) because i felt bad for him due to his problems and i didn't want him to feel worse. However he was controlling and did lots of gaslighting so i'm glad i'm free from him now. But i understand your situation,it's a toxic love. I hope you forgot him and moved on with your life.

[@lunacouer]

Oh my gosh, you clarified so much here! Thank you! When I finally got away from the abusive ex, it totally felt like withdrawal from a drug. Not being around him was so uncomfortable, and I would literally sit on my hands to stop myself from unblocking him on FB. I would take different routes so I didn't drive anywhere near his place, because yeah, I both wanted and didn't want to see him. Intellectually, I knew I had to go completely No Contact - his violence had escalated to the point of breaking my finger. But emotionally? I craved him, and it was really confusing that all of that was going on at the same time. In fact, later, I realized that I tried to start different sorts of drama, almost as a secondary "fix". The good news is that it all subsided as I walked through the process, and living a gentle life is what I crave now. It's a big relief to have gotten through that. But the confusion was part of the overwhelm, so thank you for validating and walking us through that.

[@flexflow4602]

It’s exactly what I experience right now … feeling like an addict. Trying to blind myself, to not only have no contact but erase everything that could remind me of him. At the same time so much longing that it hurts, even physically.

[@Neeshpeesh123]

Oh i thought it was when 2 people who have been traumatized in the same way and form an unhealthy emotional codependent relationship/friendship.

[@Marooth]

I'm curious about this too, if anyone has any additional insights they can add on?

[@sadisticsweet3140]

Because this is the first time I've heard this term, the way you described it is pretty much what I thought it was until I saw the video

[@Katimorton]

People can definitely bond over shared experience, and feel deeply connected because of it. Not sure what term is used to define that experience, but I could see why you would think trauma bonding could work too.. sorry I don't have more information on that! xox

[@TheGong00zler]

I was thinking the same thing! I just had to set boundaries from a ‘friendship’ that was going too far. We both have experienced a lot of the same traumas and we bonded suuuper quick over that and became joined at the hip.

[@capriafaucher6214]

I would like to know if PTSD could have a bonding factor? Deployments and a relationship with a person, is why is ask.

[@laurenp3951]

I’m still struggling with breaking this bond over 5 years later... most of the time I’m okay and can go weeks without thinking about him but some days and nights like tonight.. make me want to reach out to him and yell and cry in a confused state of hating this feeling

[@flexflow4602]

OMG, 5 years! I guess it’s how that person made us feel what we miss so much, not the person itself.

[@franceshaggitt3104]

I'm.fivr weeks out

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Does it get better

[@laurenp3951]

@@franceshaggitt3104 it does. It’s complicated to explain to others but time and strength is key

[@GamerNori10]

this explains so so sssssooooooo much

[@Katimorton]

Yay! I hope it helps :) xoxo

[@GamerNori10]

it does help! i love how your channel helped me start identify things in the pass so i can work on how i could change and become a better and stronger person not just for myself but also my baby. 😊

[@LauraScottBell]

This describes my last (6 year) relationship 100%. I am so thankful I was strong enough to leave, and now am engaged to someone else. ❤️

[@sheilawoodke1327]

This describes both of my past marriage and my present marriage I’ve just taken the same BS but in a different routine not a healthy situation at all

[@sheilawoodke1327]

I have made efforts to divorce him twice but always felt bad and allowed him to cry his way back into my life never went through working on trying to think about divorce number three and it is hard it is difficult he gives me the silent treatment almost every day of the week and is miserable in his own skin and takes it out on all of us emotionally and verbally on a daily basis everything is my fault everything in his eyes

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Are you happy.....does it get better

[@ricorosado4324]

Oh my god thank you Kati thank you so much I was reading a text from my abusive ex telling me he misses me and that he loves me and I got your video post notification right then, THANK YOU KATI!!!!!

[@MarizaaaT]

tomorrow’s my first EMDR session and i’m trying to learn a bit more about trauma so this video is right on time! thank you kati!

[@Katimorton]

Oh yay! Perfect timing!! xoox

[@charlottemakeuplover1012]

Mariza t I hope your session goes well tomorrow. I have been trying to learn about my trauma for 15 years. And I feel like I'm getting more information and help through your videos this last month then some of those years. I'm glad I found you I have serious trauma bonding we were together for 8 most 9 years. I helped him raise his daughter he was an addict it's a whole mess my dad hates him. I keep trying to get away from him and it's always fall back to him. I've tried blocking his number I can go a whole month and then I'm right back where I started again. I just saw him on Friday and I don't want to see him again and I'm so angry and I hate him. This video helped me understand and is giving me more strength to ignore him. He has court on Wednesday and every time he has court I always like come back to him you know cuz I'm worried blah blah blah. anyway your videos perfect timing and I think you're amazing.

[@fanatics2551]

Goodluck! I've been through intense EMDR treatment and it is hard. But if you want to it can really help and it will be worth it if you put all effort in it.

[@johannabergdahl3803]

I hope it goes Well!

[@Kmarie2600]

EMDR worked wonders for me. Good luck, and stick with it!

[@Stacilibra1014]

Thank u I’m starting to understand what I’m going thru ! I lost so much weight I’ve broke out all over my body! I still think about him I still cry but I’m so so glad he left me! I couldn’t do it so he left haven’t heard from him! I couldn’t do it myself so he did! Now I’m trying to heal! Wow somebody understands what I’m going through

[@thebestmarcela]

Oh, wow, this video described me from beginning to end! Thinking 'maybe he really does love me, that's just the way he shows it', and not being excited to meet new people because they're boring. Those were spot on!

[@bethc8809]

Yes, this is so true in my experience. I left my abuser and was feeling like I wasn't strong enough without them, that I should go back. Then I started self harming because I thought I needed the punishment because it was gone. Now with therapy I'm doing better.

[@tanjaadamovicdavies8917]

Thank you! I finally understand why I miss my toxic ex so much! He wasn't outright abusive but I can relate to 6 out of 7 signs.

[@AuthenticMentalHealth]

I didn’t know this thank you Kati☺️

[@arineteg9752]

I love how compassionate you are with this topic 💕

[@musicboi9014]

I always hate Mondays but I always remind myself that means your uploading so its not so bad , Thanx for the video :))

[@Katimorton]

Awe yay! xoxo

[@emilybrucia1291]

I cried watching this. I was in a relationship like this and got out 2 years ago...but never got over it. this person took their own life 4 months ago and I still make excuses for what happened when we were together. never knew what it was called. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it today. thank you 💕

[@Mar-op5ki]

Sorry to hear that, how do you feel now :(

[@snowqueen24]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Have you thought about joining a group?

[@marleighr2023]

Kati, THANK YOU FOR shedding light on this. I WISH I had know what this was even just a few months earlier than I discovered it. I experienced a traumatic bond with my first love and even a similar unhealthy bond with a step parent. I genuinely though that this was a normal way relationships with people worked in the real world. I thought people who knew you this deeply on an emotional level were just allowed to treat you like that because vulnerability welcomed it. I always blamed myself and in return was apologetic for MY unhealthy behavior. Which always left my perpetrators feeling right and unapologetic. Which was a huge trigger in why I was so caught up in that cycle. I developed very unhealthy and abusive instincts, that I am still healing today. Fortunately I am aware of them. I have a patient boyfriend, and an amazingly supportive family (who is no long baring that toxic parental figure) Earlier this year I was a victim of rape at a house party. I fell so deeply back into the mindset and cycle that I was vulnerable and at fault and quickly developed an attachment that became out of control. I am so glad to have been educating myself enough to know that not only is this a pattern I can break that IS NOT normal or healthy. But that my reactions to these bonds ARE normal and this helps me know what I'm working through better. More people need to be aware of this and more comfortable addressing this. These are not comfortable feelings to be expressing but holding in something as traumatic and as damaging as a trauma bond is soul-damaging. It's mind-damaging. I will share this video until my fingers bleed. I'll talk about trauma bonding until everyone in the room goes from sweaty and uncomfortable to leaving my conversation educated and ready to help those struggling with trauma bonds. This is too common to ignore. You are such a beautiful human. Thank you again for shedding light on this topic.

[@hannahlsmith267]

You expressed my guilt so well. Thank you for this comment. I am glad you are in a better situation now.

[@marianazick]

Now I finally understood what really happened to me and why I felt the way I did. Thank you so much Kati ❤️ I love your videos

[@teresaoleagonzalez9926]

the music playing in the background for the intro is so beautiful. wow

[@GLAASJEMELC]

Huh, this is strange. That cycle sounds really familiar to me. Not in abusive relationship, but with a boy I liked when I was 15. He would be a friend to me for one week, flirt with me the next and ignore me the following two weeks. He did this for a year and a half. My emotions would go up and down like crazy, getting more intense the longer it went on. I would cry myself to sleep because I didn't understand. In my late teen years I became more emotionally abusive in my other relationships, because I craved those intense feelings, preferring drama over quiet stability, so I would manipulate my S.O. It took me a long time, until someone held a mirror up to me about my actions and explained how it hurt them (ans how that hurt was a bad experience for them, where it wasn't for me). I had been trying to replicate the neglectful relationship I had before, because I wanted for people to be as attached and devoted to me as I had been to the boy. It took me most of my young adulthood to start to understand the dependency and power imbalance I created in all my relationships, because I was convinced people wouldn't want to be with me (romantically, sexually, platonicly) if I didn't give them a reason to need me. I'm currently being screened for Borderline Personality Disorder, so I'm grateful to be receiving help. Maybe one day in the future I will be able to sustain a healthy relationship

[@zain4019]

Prinses op de Pingpongbal You should try EMDR and eft (Brad Yates has a channel on KZbin). It could really work wonders for you. :)

[@jeilenramos7339]

What kind of therapist is helping you?

[@skytj972]

thank you for commenting this cos gosh darn that sounds like me. hope you're doing okay

[@rileyscott5827]

@GANY So, generally speaking, people who do this are not actually interested in a relationship. Rather, they like the attention and ego boost that comes with being flattered from the positive attention being given to them by the person who likes them. Usually they don't mean any ill will either. They may not even be aware that that's what and why they're doing it.

[@LisaMarieAdams]

@GANY Most likely because they are vulnerable narcissists. They have to seek attention and validation from others because they are insecure themselves. They are too wrapped up in what they "need" from you to see or have empathy for how it effects others. People are driven by their own traumatic pasts to do whatever it takes to receive love and attention. Likely, they are addicted to the rollercoaster as well.

[@Joyjoyjoys]

Love love LOVE how you say “WELcome!”

[@italosblogtalkradio4279]

I love how you included your outtakes at the end, shows that you’re human and you’re ok with your mistakes and are not afraid to show it

[@jennifermarea8011]

This video is SO clear. I'm literally staring at my MacBook in awe

[@LILOcodm]

“It may have never been bad as we thought “!!!!!! that is exactly what I said, I never knew this was an actual thing.

[@whiterexy789]

Wow. Everything in this video hit home for me. I've found my self questioning whether or not what I went through was abuse or not, but this really helped make sense of it. Also, for anyone in a relationship like this...you can get out. I did, and I'm so much better now. It was really hard, but it was worth it.

[@lighthouse7728]

Thank you, this was helpful. I have received emotional abuse and emotional neglect from family members. It took a long time for me to realize the truth, but once I learned about Childhood Emotional Neglect, a lightbulb went on and everything started to make sense. It's always good to remember I'm not alone. Self care has been helping me heal, and limiting my interactions.

[@marciafab7]

You are so gentle and understanding. I appreciate your videos - they are magic! Thank you.

[@tessbuscher749]

This is so relatable to me. I still sometimes feel this way towards my abusive ex boyfriend. I'm really grateful that you included strategies! It's kind of comforting to know that these feelings don't make the abuse any less horrible.

[@noan4414]

This was so helpful. You just made me realise this. I got out of this relationship a month ago, and I was feeling super confused with my emotions, and still do. But when you listed the signs that we may have fallen to trauma bonding, i related to all of them. That really hit home for me and to know that my situation has a name and that I am not alone makes me feel way better. Thank you Kati for this, it gives me strenght and reminds me that leaving was the correct thing to do.

[@alexandarcossworth]

I just realised that while I was listening to you talking, I was drawing comparisons to some past relationships.. Its good that this shed a light that it wasn't all just in my head :)

[@katgolightly8816]

Hey Kati! Reading the book about trauma, The body keeps the score, and it is SO interesting. Something you may like to read.

[@Katimorton]

I've heard of that book!!! Everyone seems to love it and find it helpful :) I will have to check it out!! xoxo

[@LieutenantSheep]

@@Katimorton my therapist recommended it to me years ago. I wrote it down and have been meaning to read it for years. Its definitely a talked about book in the community

[@mariejones6785]

That's the one by bessle van der kolk. Not sure spelled last name right.

[@alexispahlman4203]

A few of these signs are happening around my family.. I’m constantly walking on eggshells so I don’t set them off. If I do something that’s “wrong” they don’t talk to me for days, or they treat me poorly. That is one of my biggest triggers, when it comes to self-Harming. I’m so glad you made this video! Thank you so much!❤️

[@blockay9096]

Hey you guys! I just wanted to comment and say that I am so glad that all of us can come out and open up to each other and share our stories on this channel. I have been in psychology for three years now and I have never seen more accurate videos and such an accepting group of fans. Sorry for the mushy message but I am just grateful.

[@brianbarnes5296]

This makes so much sense now. I was so confused why I felt like I wanted to go back to my ex. After 8 months of being emotionally abused, manipulated and blamed for everything and yet I STILL love him and want to go back to him. I thought I was losing my mind. Thank you for explaining this so well Kati. On the next step to recovery!

[@sarahc594]

I'm rewatching all your videos similar to this one because I'm having such a hard time right now... it's been a couple of months and I'm dying inside but you're honestly saving me right now. Thank you.

[@andrewbrennan3651]

This phrase was helpful to understand it. Trauma bonding is subscribing to someone else’s reality. Helped pull me out a little more.

[@myatesiero4240]

thank you so much kati. your videos have helped me for the past 4 years. im truly grateful for you and your content. although this video isnt the video i want to comment this on, its one of your newest. im a teenager. i can relate to your q&a videos and again im truly grateful. i do self harm. i do cry. in fact ive cried at least 5 times today, and its so weird because i was on the phone with my mom. i feel like im constantly disappointing my parents. they want me to do well, and they dont think im trying my best. shes never failed any classes. i dont do anything wrong whilst in school, i just get stressed. i feel that unless i get an above average score on something thats 50 percent my grade, my parents arent going to be happy. i want to be happy.

[@allisun7320]

It’s been mind blowing to watch your KZbin career start bottom up

[@marisaswanson2061]

i got so excited i ripped out my headphone and think i broke them. oof. it’s worth it

[@Katimorton]

Oh no!! Sorry about your headphones, but I am glad you are enjoying the video! xoxo

[@Vidar_Odinson]

I have a form of eczema (dyshidrotic) that usually flares up when I'm stressed about something. It sucks, but I am keeping the moisturizer industry alive!

[@PunkBunny56]

I couldn’t really feel the emotions from being abused while in the relationship. I was numb and apathetic to the physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. It took him almost killing me to realize how bad it was. The first night I left I felt everything I was repressing.

[@greeneyedalice9409]

I can relate. Abuse became the norm.. I would try to mentally prepare myself for the next round of abuse. Rather than fight back, I would shut down and just take it.. Praying it would end soon.. No one deserves to be treated that way. I left my abuser over a year ago but he still had his claws in me. Until he held me prisoner in my own home,beating on me, raped me and held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me and then kill himself. I finally had enough so I called the police. He's now looking at 8 years in prison. But because of the intense trauma bond I have with him, i still love and care about him.. Im seeking therapy.

[@Jessica-iq6kj]

@@greeneyedalice9409 my ex raped me too and I went on to have a child with him. I excused it because he was very drunk and I was only 17 whom grew up with abusive parents so I didn't really know better.... Eventually after 7 years I left him but I did develop lots of issues. Hypothyroidism, anxiety, and panic disorder. I kinda feel bad for him still. But year the trauma bond is strong.

[@shedtate8945]

​@@greeneyedalice9409

[@debbiewynne8108]

I'm 7yrs post abusive relationship and this really made sense. Openly telling others how amazing your abuser is and over compensation of their non abusive behaviour to the extent it feels like you're trying to convince yourself I feel is also a sign. I'm proof you can get out, stay out and heal given time and support.

[@kysmile5293]

Can you talk about autoimmune diseases and mental problems? I have type 1 diabetes and when you started talking about the eczema, it made me think about how I have it all over my body from my stress, depression, and bad eating habits. I have had t1d for almost 7 years now and I’ve struggled with so much depression and denial, bad eating habits that cause my weight to go all over the place. I love you Kati you’ve helped me so much already. I just want to see if there are other people who are going through this too. Thank you Kati!❤️

[@jasmeetk0]

I thought trauma bonding was about how sharing a trauma with someone leads to bonding or something in that range. I was in for a bitter shock *~*

[@rosedawson1248]

I've found myself in a relationship like this and shockingly, this is after I left another one 24yrs ago. I thought I knew better. I had never heard of trauma bonding. Wild. Thank you for sharing.

[@Ctrees904]

As I listen, I realize that this is exactly what I went through with my ex. I'm coming up on the anniversary of leaving him next month. 6 years free!

[@sylgem]

YES! The silent treatment! Sometimes up to 7 days for "disrespect" or rolling my eyes. Sometimes for no reason at all.

[@ginagina9592]

I love the bloopers and this is a fresh take. I like the explanation of why I don’t feel angry at my abuser. I would never let anyone ever treat me the way he does. Except I’m confused at why I’m not angry cause I know I should be. This video actually made me realize maybe I should seek trauma counseling.

[@ErikaBDoesBookTube]

I really love the way you break things down

[@Shivxngee]

I needed this. Thank you 😭

[@myrahouse2368]

I feel like I’ve been Mourning the Romantic Narcissist who devalued then disregarded me. But now I’ve been told I’m breaking the ‘addiction’ from the Bond.... which suddenly turned into a trauma. Thanks 🙏 I’m at the no contact stage but unfortunately I can’t stop the ecos and flash backs and dreams 🥺

[@gillymac9363]

Significant symptoms for me were being in a state of dissociation (a very cloudy place of cognitive dissonance,) and fawning, as opposed to the fight or flight reaction. Unfortunately, in my experience, the people who really should know about this phenomenon don't, including the R. I. D & the RSPCA✌🏻😟 Trauma bonding is the answer to the clichéd question: "Why does she stay?"

[@lisadeb8485]

Thank you so much for all your videos you help me understand so many things

[@ak3220]

I was in a relationship 10 years ago in which I had 6 of the warning signs. It is a miracle that I some how managed to end it. However, it was years before I was no longer under his spell. And even more years before I started to look for new relationships in healthier ways. For those who are trying to leave. It is worth it. I have a life now that I couldn't comprehend back then.

[@halfofmyheart3167]

Kati you’re an amazing therapist and your patients are lucky to have you!!!!

[@thomaseskelsen1362]

I love the outtakes at the end of your videos. Really cool of you to put them in. Thank you for posting healthy, informative content.

[@c.k.1958]

Thank you for this video Katie xx

[@emmalewis4666]

Yes. I became addicted to the push/pull by my own Narc. mother. I've gone on to re-create it with most intimate relationships in my life. I now crave that rollercoaster uncertainty :(

[@tailsntrails]

Emma Lewis me too

[@Ravid394]

thanks Kati, it is always nice to know we are not alone, specially in this time of being alone!

[@MegaHealer]

This is great! Straight to the point and very clear.

[@theresabuckner9667]

This is so dead on. Ty for sharing.

[@emilyghazal]

You're such a beautiful being omg. Whenever I watch your videos I learn new things about myself, and especially in this one, i found myself feeling so much less weird and alone. Please never stop doing what you do ♥︎

[@heidilynnelacoste7824]

I looks so forward to your videos.

[@Katimorton]

Yay! I hope you found it helpful!! xox

[@Kelsolas]

I am struggling with this so bad right now. Thanks for this video.

[@janmclain6301]

Thank you so much for this one Kati. This happened to me with my therapist who was "treating" me for childhood sexual abuse. It was horrible, and he made me his "girlfriend" for years. It took me years to get away from him because he always followed me when I left. And many years to recover from the devastating re-abuse.

[@absolutelybtful]

So helpful, thank you!

[@juanzelaya861]

6 years with an abusive wife. Just jumped ship a couple days ago. This video is so much help. Of course it takes time to move on. A helpful thought: that you are starting to live the life you've always wanted.

[@Tania_Navarrete]

I could watch you all day ❤️

[@MiepGirl]

kati you never cease to amaze me, you are a beautiful human being inside and out :)

[@JETBLACKFREAK]

I have been to rehab 11 times and I so wish they would have taught a crash course on thus! So this is my first video of yours I’ve watched and unwanted to thank you for what you do-you are helping people heal From wounds that run so deep. I just really appreciate how enthusiastic you are and down to earth-you kinda remind me of my sister a little bit l! But yea thanks for what you do you’re amazing at what you do and this has been my favorite video on KZbin in this subjecf I wouldn’t add anything it’s just flawless!!thank you so much

[@gracereynolds5292]

I love Kati so much

[@fredamariebrown4727]

My parents remained married for 51years w/this disorder. It has been REALLY challenging for their many children to live full and meaningful lives without the cPTSD that has been an energetic and soul-ful part of their lives! I am grateful for the awakening....

[@heathermiller8058]

I really wish I lived closer to you because I need a therapist so bad right now in my life!! I love your guidance and knowledge!! Going to the Dr tomorrow...wish me luck I find the right therapist to help me

[@Alimck333]

Love your out takes 🙏🏾🙌🏾 its snippet of a testimony of how we don't see everything and take for granted how much time and dedication goes into what you do and have done over the years... thank you for the support and education 🙌🏾 bless

[@kaaaaaaaleycats]

Kati the beginning was so cute I love you so much

[@1jamesodom]

You are such a compassionate person. Thank you for caring about educating those of us afflicted with mental illness, so that we may alleviate our suffering and disfunction. If I may be so bold as to ask what sparked your interest in providing mental help? Whatever the reason, I am grateful. 👍👍👍👍

[@cassidyrose1911]

this really helps me as I go through school to become a social worker!

[@theoismycat]

I like that you brought up gaslighting and Stockholm syndrome when you first started. Thanks for this video!

[@eviemichelle565]

Kati, your videos are SO helpful! Thank you for doing what you do! I’m currently dealing with a domestic abuse relationship. I finally put my foot down when my husbands behavior and actions escalated more so involving our two young children. He’s in the military and the military has literally made me regret reaching out for help. Anxiety and depression potentially triggered me to suddenly develop seizures and diagnosed with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy one year ago, age of 34. My husband put an end to me going to my psychiatrist of 5 years. Your videos are currently one of the few positive things that I can go to on especially hard days. Thank you for using this platform to help others. The world needs more people like you. 💜

[@Kittyxandra19]

Thank you Kati! I have been in an abusive relationship for 3 years and it’s very hard for me to cope with. Everyone says I should “just leave” but it’s easier said than done. They think I’m crazy for staying. It’s nice to know that there are people out there who do understand and don’t judge.

[@katjavestergaard489]

Can trauma bonding happen with your abuse from your parent?

[@Katimorton]

Yes it definitely can! It can happen with anyone who you are in an abusive relationship with. xoxo

[@katjavestergaard489]

@Cáca Milis sa Seomra Spraoi oh wow. Thanks for your input :)

[@katjavestergaard489]

@@Katimorton thanks Kati :)

[@abbeyc4865]

Yes. This is me! I was too afraid of managing on my own, so I would tell myself that it's not so bad and that it would pass. End story: it doesn't just stop on its own and there is usually no hope for your abuser! Don't be a guinea pig anymore! Listen to yourself and your needs, don't just push them aside. You can't help someone else before taking care of yoursekf, so GET OUT! It's hard but extremely worth it! And although I hate therapy, it's really amazing for this by the way ;)

[@ALu-nq8rf]

@@Katimorton it sounds like your parents can be the first people one ever could experience trauma bonding with and that can cause it later on in life. Example: Tonya (in I, Tonya) and her relationship first with her mother then with Jeff.

[@rebeccalong3638]

I needed this today. I left my abusive husband and I’m having a hard time expressing missing him because my family doesn’t understand why. It also hurts when they speak ill about him. This video helped me process through with what I need to do next.

[@Julianna8436]

Just got out of a 4 year very abusive relationship with a sociopath, what a hell ride, interesting talking about the skin conditions assosiate with trauma bonding, ive had bad acne for years and it started to look different, very red, now I can tell it is stress eczema. I am a few weeks free from this relationship and my skin is already starting to heal. I have so much love and support to anyone going through this, god bless

[@oshifish2]

Thank you so much for making this video! I have been watching quite a few as I prepare to enter therapy for the first time since I was very young. ( I am very nervous) yet your vids have helped me round out topics to cover and this one really hit home. I wish I could have my parents back to tell them I am ok now because I know I worried them so much when I was in this horrid relationship. On a different note...heres hoping you and your husband are out of the way of these horrific fires. xo Thank you for making your videos. They are a source of comfort.

[@echoetj]

Oh man this.... omg every single point you said IS SPOT ON with my ex. I’m so happy I was able to break the cycle. I will say that sometimes I find myself falling back into the old patterns with my husband. Let me be clear HE IS NOT ABUSIVE. But I still find myself thinking he’s going to be the same, mostly because my ex was so terrible, but my husband is the EXACT opposite. I’ve been out of that relationship for over 6 years. Believe me it gets better and easier but it’s ok if you aren’t over it yet.

[@Tcrumpen]

What about if someone is full on head over heels in love with someone who is a 'gaslighter' and emotionally manipulative. They won't listen to other people when they say "he/she is really bad for you"? How should you handle that?

[@VeeryBird]

When I was in such a relationship nobody showed me examples of healthy an unhealthy relationships, I only ended it because I had hope that there would be a healthier relationship out there, but more importantly, that I would be happier on my own. I think it’s important to be supportive and sneak in examples of healthy and unhealthy examples and talk about them instead of their own relationship. Having a vision of another option helps a lot.

[@Stephdombrow]

Holy shit. I JUST broke up with an AWFUL boyfriend of two years about a month ago, and this video just played on auto play on my Yt and EVERYTHING that you said in this video was literally how my life was, EVEN the eczema!!! Geez Kati thank you so much for this

[@halesssthemartian]

This is so incredibly spot on in my experience with my ex. Very emotionally and mentally abusive person. I believe he is a covert narcissist. All the signs you listed were my day to day. I actually started a group on Facebook for domestic abuse survivors where we can share our experiences. Thank you for this!

[@cherylgentillon]

Thank you for explaining this in a way I can understand!