What Makes a Narcissist

In this video, Dr. Fox discusses the possible causes of narcissism and how it develops in adults. He also looks at the possible childhood precursors of narcissism, and how these problems and early indicators can lead to difficulties in adult life and relationships. If you think you might be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, or know someone who is, this video is for you!
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
00:44 Infancy roots in narcissism
01:25 Unbalanced feedback from parents
02:13 Child is seen as hero or zero
03:21 Overindulgence and overvaluation
04:33 Perceived exceptional looks and abilities
05:34 Emotional abuse from parents
06:56 Silent treatment from parent
07:41 Unreliable parents
08:18 Value regulates self-esteem
09:12 Core content and surface content of NPD
10:07 Learn manipulation from parents

[@mixedlag]

I don't agree with the "baby crying from an oversensitive temperament and the parent being too attentive" theory. Babies aren't too versed in self-regulation, so they do need a parent's attention. Most of the time, a baby cries because something is wrong, like wet diaper, hungry or in pain. Colic is pretty common and quite painful. A baby crying in pain then seems to be blamed on the baby being difficult.

[@emotionalsupportpaintbrush]

Yes. It’s completely at odds with attachment theory. The healthiest people in relationships have secure attachment. I was really surprised he included that.

[@JazzvanderKnoop]

I have been with a cnpd / bpd single mom. There is a big difference when you see this happen up close. Its hard to explain this in theory, but I can speak from my experience that the smothering she did was horrible. It wasnt just being attentive anymore, it was a full blown obsession with the baby/toddler I experienced it as a suffocating dynamic.

[@lindamceachern5467]

I understand. Knowing your child's cries comes with parenting.

[@joseseserda]

Exactly! I don't know what his source is, but sounds totally made up.

[@katherinestahl7641]

I’d like to know the source too! Although in his theory it could be that attentiveness as an infant, followed with the inconsistency and abuse he mentions afterwards? That definitely surprised me too, I’d like to see the research he referenced

[@Max1power]

I have NPD. As a kid, my parents vacillated on an hourly basis between over-the-top praise ("you're so perfect," "you're so much smarter/prettier/more talented than these other kids") and vicious belittling ("you're a failure," "you'll never amount to anything," "you're a bad child/you're rotten to the core.") Granted, my parents are also narcissists. How much is nature versus nurture, 🤷🏻‍♂️.

[@mixedlag]

I would venture to guess most of it's nurture. There's probably some validity to someone being more prone to becoming one in an environment that nurtures NPD, via a particular innate temperament. But so called PDs are defenses developed over time. It's always possible I suppose for a baby to be born without the mechanisms in the brain that give us empathy though.

[@BBFCCO733]

We are taught about secure attachment in Early childhood as being vital for healthy adult development. This is what you are saying-basically the parent did not know how to be empathetic and connect with the child and the child basically did not learn this either. I have a narcissistic father and it was so difficult for him to understand the most basic thing about caring....that paired up with the view of male dominance is a very dangerous mindset for a father to have towards their daughters.

[@emotionalsupportpaintbrush]

The first point does not fit with attachment theory.

[@simonealisa]

Agree 100%

[@katieg7679]

All little babies come into the world wanting to connect and be loved by others. They can't help the conditions they were born into and the behaviors they picked up through years of conditioning and attachment to figures that may or may not meet their needs. These are learned behaviors you were not born with and can be unlearned if you choose to do so. Attaching all these symptoms to your inherent goodness and your inherent personality will only bring you shame that does not belong to you.

[@taylorpresley4604]

As a parent I did a few of these behaviors and now my children are high on the narcissistic scale. God, I wish schools had taught classes on parenting as I had very poor role models myself.

[@DrDanielFox]

Narcissistic origins comment response 

[@edgreen8140]

Splitting your great or your no good - no middle ground.

[@annai3394]

Dr. Daniel your explanations are always the most profound

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@L16htW4rr10r]

Thank you for this video! I always want to understand about narcissism more

[@DrDanielFox]

Origins of narcissism comment response 

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

Great content Dr Fox, thank you ❤

[@MandatheManiac]

After watching this, I just realized that I’ve done some of these things with my daughter, who is now 17. I had no idea that what I was doing, buying her things for instance because I struggle with affection from my own childhood trauma. Now she’s become so manipulative and mean towards me, it’s like I’m in an abusive relationship with my daughter. This scares me. I’m worried I’m never going to be able to fix our relationship.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to admit our mistakes and seek help. Just know that you're not alone and there are resources out there to support you.

[@SArthur221]

6:16 i can't think of a single example where a healthy person would say "how could you embarrass me like that?"

[@davidsommerville2213]

Very helpful for me. Thank you for this.

[@DrDanielFox]

You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.

[@gorogorotodoro]

I grew up like this. Maybe I have it. I should get assessed

[@le_th_]

Thank you for continuing to share your knowledge and wisdom. Happy Holidays to you and your family~

[@savedbyhismercyandlove]

I recall one time when I missed a connecting flight home- instead of trying to help My Mother told Me "These things never happen to Me"...Unreal...I could go on and on

[@lindaweedmark6025]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. How brutal of her and what a painful experience. 💜

[@danielhernandez-fo3mj]

Very interesting video ...... iblove how you make note that these developments are seen in bpd as well ...... I've allwaysbhad a hard time understanding how some peole and therapist can get me confused with narssasisum and this adds another peice of the puzzle .... the first one is something my mom got yelled and shamed about was being overly attentive to us kids .... I even get mad at her expecully with my older sister who's low cog as she gives into any meltdown she has as damage control but even with my as im the only boy and cant deny im a mamas boy for this reaosn grated my father also havjng trama dident connect with us as well as he could ....... and some of th3se things my parents ahve done in this video but not as malicious as this makes it sound ..... just around Thanksgiving my fam had a huge fight agen and my mom wasn't gonna talk to my middle sister and my dad didn't want to talk to my mom and thank the universe im in a diffent state as th3se are issues we have had our whole life...... but it makes since the peole with bpd who have narssasitic traits but not enough to be on the narssasitic spectrum would have similar origin story's so to speek lol ...... and in some ways has made me able to be a care giver for a autistic partner probably cuz I'm used to being so distant in close relationships...... very interesting.video ..... expecully allows me to see why my older sister has some really bad narssasitic triats that I can even be around...... I just Haye seeing my parents as narssasitic cuz there not .... but they have similar parental actions.... they just never shamed us or I mean belittle.... they deff praised and got distant but never really called me names .... that was my community out the home...... ty for this video has some really grate info if you can get past the rejection triggers and bring on panic lol you really good and giving test to work on th3se things ..... ps the term resentment is so true as that's what drives any of my meltdowns .... to much resentment

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you so much for watching and for your insightful comment! I'm glad you found the video interesting and that it helped you make connections with your own experiences. It's always fascinating to see how different psychological developments can intertwine. I appreciate your support and I hope you continue to find value in my content!

[@imago9059]

Npd's mother with bpd traits applies silent treatment and so does he now as an adult. Sad.

[@Tailionis]

Just dealt with a narc at work. I have bpd. Made me disassociate, and I'm shaking 3 hours later. I hate them all.

[@fairygurl9269]

Respect ❤

[@casuallycruelx]

my ex became a narcissist because he had cancer as a child, got his leg amputated and never felt whole due to it. also he never got to know "no" because he was so extremely sick (which is understandable from the parents' side). years after we separated he texted me: i thought it was you but it's not. i am so ugly towards all women, before you, after you, i don't know why but i can't stop it.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's important to shed light on the impact that past experiences can have on someone's behavior. It's crucial that we promote understanding and empathy towards others who may be struggling with their own demons.

[@casuallycruelx]

@@DrDanielFox beautifully said, dr. fox!

[@Drteomas]

Overt narcissists come from covert ones and vice versa. In my opinion and experience.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your opinion and experience! It's valuable to hear different perspectives and insights on this topic.

[@Drteomas]

@@DrDanielFox You too.

[@Sandra-jt7mq]

Thank you for this insightful explanation! Oddly enough, not all people with this kind of biography seem to become narcissists. From my personal experience, there seem to be some who develop a very caring and introspective personality instead. Maybe an alternative source of love support makes the difference... but this process seems to demand a lot of humility and self reflection. I would love to know what are your thoughts on this...

[@HonesTeaBeauTea]

It says what make, not what makes in the title. I just wanted to let you know ♡

[@Retro_Disco]

This explains why my BPD sister is hyperfocused on money.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's interesting how different people with BPD can have such unique focuses. Money seems to be a common one for some individuals.

[@DrDanielFox]

NPD roots or origin comment response 

[@wgnwBash]

Hi my name is Bashir. I Believe I have BPD and was wondering if you could make a video on dating and when to leave a possible Narc as a man with BPD?

[@MrRIK325]

Thank you kindly for sharing. If I may share my ¥2 worth from a beneficial clinical psychology viewpoint as well as philosophy of East東. Oddly enough West西 seems fixated on quick & easy solutions. i.e. Prozac (albeit, psychiatrist prescribed, rarely took into account the toxic毒 effects such may have on family. i.e. narcissism caused depression & anxiety, which caused borderline, Obsessive-compulsive disorders, etc... AND it ALL keeps coming back, over & over 又と又. Psychology神 is key鍵, always has been . . .

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for your insightful comment! It's always interesting to hear different perspectives on the topic. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

[@MrRIK325]

@@DrDanielFox Thank you kindly as well for taking the time to share your thoughts as well, hence (Japanese arigatou gozaimashitaありがとうございました) better fit than my saying "thanks Dan". Perhaps we are sharing vital 人 bio feedback? Distracting nuances aside, Mother 母 (haha in Japanese) soon to be 84歳, may be in the midst 中 of a hoarding disorder? Seemingly Path t道 cluttered, yet 大丈夫 (All good) Thank you kindly reading

[@sw40c]

Wow. This is almost entirely my mother…

[@phylvalen9991]

My narc had oxygen deficiency at birth so mom coddled him and father was terribly verbally and physically abusive in a loveless home, totally emotionally absent parents no communication allowed, no warmth. Sexual abuse by a male sibling and other forms of abuse. Two years with him was extremely destructive two years away now and still struggling to find myself

[@JazzvanderKnoop]

I’m sorry you went and are still recovering from this. Its a similar story for me. 2 years later and still can’t open up to anyone or feel much. I have to rebuild myself up from scratch again. Meanwhile he had an entire new family he started.

[@FloppedASF]

My mother was splitting on me and abusing physically was also overprotective snd neglectful at once helicopter parent and had i invalidating environment my dad abandoned me and was emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive i have bpd npd with aspd and hpd trsits

[@streaming5332]

Rubbish... my toxic sister was consistently ignored by the mother as an infant. She wasn't cuddled when she cried, she was left crying in the cot.

[@SArthur221]

5:00 so far, this seems like an extension to BPD. The parent initially rejects the child and leaves them to die, only to then praise them to the highest degree when the kid does something good and comfort them when they feel bad. So the kid learns they can get their parent to be around them by simply either exceeding or seeming to be feeling bad. Edit: the child successfully figuring out a way to get their parents to un-give up on them.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@imago9059]

By the way, why do some children develop npd traits and some under same circumstances develop mach traits?

[@ek9348]

Why do Some people get migraine in respons to stress and others an ulcer? 🤷‍♀️

[@newanas5271]

What about genetics.

[@DrDanielFox]

There are some components or traits that have high heritability, highest about 60%, but it cannot control for all traits and environmental influences.