When Does 'No Contact' Start Working After A Breakup? (Podcast 411)

If you implement the 'no contact rule' after a breakup, when does it start working? Does it make a difference if you're a dumper or dumpee? How can this help you try and get your ex back?
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[@PB-md3nt]

This is round 2 of NC, after going four months previously with her in NC when I tried to see if she had changed, sadly she had not. She reached out on Day 27 with a meaningless email showing a bottle of whiskey telling me I need to get this. I didn't respond to this. I'm currently in Day 44, and they say the sweet spot for contacting is between days 45-60.

[@caseyfurtaw1075]

it’s been 3 months since the breakup and almost 2 months of NC. It’s time to move on. I don’t think i’ll be hearing from her

[@vincentbos]

Moving forward is the most positive option. It's very challenging, but it's rewarding.

[@themanman165]

Did u hear from her?

[@kaachsports]

Nut up and talk to her lmfao.

[@droflivelife]

What happened in the end?

[@alfamikejr.7816]

I don't chase people, I replace them.

[@mlong506]

I started as the dumper. But then I went back to him (we remained "friends") and told him I was sorry for breaking up with him and wanted to fix things. He said no at this point and was dating other people. He wanted to be friends again, but since he was moving on it was very painful for me. So the dumper became the dumpee. And I went into NC after a couple months of pretending to be friends. He reached out at 30 days, but it was indirect direct and was only a gif. At 60 days he directly emailed me. But he was angry that I cut him out of my life. He "missed me" he said twice in this email, scattered amongst why he was mad at me. I replied a few days later and asked if he wanted to get together and talk to let me know. Or if he was happy with having said his piece that was fine too. I never heard from him again after that. And that was 6 months ago now. I'm better, obviously. NC worked in that I was finally able to move on.

[@vincentbos]

It sounds like you have had a very challenging year. The important thing is that you are starting to feel better now and looking forward.

[@Troy12-fitnessmodel]

5.5 months NC today. Its been a rollercoaster but ive grown massively,been in therapy and going to the gym. Mentally and physically in a great place. Coach should I just keep on going? I know you mentioned 6 months NC before they leave the single honey money phase.

[@hectorg1752]

Day 25 and feeling better but have my days I feel devastated.

[@vincentbos]

You are doing really well Hector, keep moving forward and you will find happiness.

[@fpjhr548]

The wait is horrible. It's already more than a month and I haven't heard anything from my ex

[@LanceM-11314]

Or maybe say get your ex back or "someone else". Saying "someone better" may not ever be possible. Someone else may be more available and a decent match, but more available doesn't equal "even better". If you never get a second chance with your ex it doesn't automatically mean you'll ever find a better match. You can't look forever to find someone better than your ex... you might never find it. You might have to let go of your ex and the best match you'll ever have, but that doesn't mean you can't find another good match... maybe not as good as with your ex but still good enough to be happy with. I hear a lot of coaches making that mistake. Other than that a good video.

[@whoisshe9548]

Hi Vincent, it’s me again haha. My boyfriend and I have been constantly getting into arguments almost every day before we ended up getting into a really bad one 2 weeks ago in person and over text- it was really messy. We didn’t speak to or see each other for about a week after it happened. I lost my keys the same day of the argument at house, but was still very much upset and waited until I fully calmed down to engage in any conversation with him again. I approached him at the gym (we both go to the same gym) the following week after the argument and asked him if he had seen my keys at his house, he said he had not and that he would look for them. I then asked him if he would be willing to talk about us later this week when he’s free, he said he would let me know. Two days later he called me, asking me to return his T-shirt which I thought he’d given to me. I was taken aback but I didn’t fight him on it. When I saw him again later that day, I asked him if he would like to talk he said we would after this weekend. The next day he called again asking for his stuff, I told him I would return it tomorrow. Up until that point, I began questioning where we were in this relationship. After the argument I assumed we were giving each other space since that’s what we both obviously needed but we never ended things, so why was he asking me to return his stuff as if we did? I am utterly confused, because up until this point we still haven’t officially ended anything yet I feel as though we’re done because of his actions? We still haven’t engaged in any formal discussion since. I was going to wait for him to let me know when he’s ready to talk like he said but the way he’s going about things makes me feel like it’s not gonna happen? The weekend is pretty much over and I’m tempted to call him asking to clarify where he stands? This feeling is killing me because I don’t know what we are at this point? What should I do?

[@lisamiranda9804]

Don't chase let him look for you stop calling you're the girl let him chase you if he loves you he will come back God bless you and you'll be okay

[@misszmakeup0]

I implemented the NC after the break up call. He texted me that night and the next morning to ask if I am ok, that i shouldn't believe that he doesn't care because he really cares. I didn't reply to any of that, I was crushed, in deep shock... and since then we never talked. It's almost 3 weeks of NC. Next day after the break up he had a talk with a common friend and he told him that we don't talk anymore and he feels bad about it. That I am an amazing woman and I deserve something good, but this is for the best because it would have been complicated in the future ( long distance, different nationalities, both flying). We never had a fight, he wanted me to move with him soon, talking about having a baby, our relationship was amazing and he always said that. Recently he lost 2 family members and since then he started to act weird...and then one day told me I am the love of his life and next day he broke up with me. He is usually not active on social media, but last week he posted 2 stories (i didn't click on any of it). Any opinions or advices? Thanks!

[@coachomri5468]

Its been 1.5 months now, started implementing NC only in the past 9 days. Ex GF doesn’t follow me on IG but sees all my stories and likes every other post I upload. Im kind of confused considering she doesn’t approach or text anything. Started using NC after a complicated weekend: Friday- meeting up (1 month post BU) proposing a fresh start ( by me ) that got declined but we made out 4-5 times or so. Saturday- another meeting set by me to try to clear things out because I got really confused, She said no again, saying she needs her alone time, I respected her decision and talked to her as friend from this point on BUT THEN she held my hand twice , AND gave me a kiss on my shoulder, I didnt gave it any attention at all, and by the time I escorted her home she said she missed me, with teary eyes, I gave her a platonic hug, and told her she can call me anytime if she needs anything, then i got in my car and she turned to look at me one more time, I waved my hand and left. WTF

[@ApostleThe344]

What if i did it the second she walked away havent talked since its been a week

[@DTDRS]

I had to break no contact because of an insurance issue - had to send a message with info to my ex after 3 months of no contact - she responded.- back to no contact.-

[@jeremiahmorris1852]

Day 12. She restarted her OnlyFans and is going on a 15 day vacation. I'm just trying to slowly improve my life

[@imeraanmeyer1835]

It's been 32 days no contact she sent messages every weekend I don read it but I dnt reply. It's messages is like when are you guys doing to Pic them up. she only talk when it comes to the kids but no signs for me to go forward with her.. Any advice pls

[@fpjhr548]

I didn't understand your rules at all. You're keep saying if you follow my rules but what are those rules??

[@dan11thehands]

Well its been 9 months and i only did reach out a few times like not long ago i left her a happy bday message and her reply she still mad and angry she never said why there is no third party me i feel good im happy and positive...what is going on i dont know...

[@bryonshelley5632]

Far as im concerned never and im am livingbproof

[@tonyhinton6189]

My ex contacts me all the time even after we first broke up but she wont come back

[@karinajames4367]

I am implementing it. What does it mean when he's barely online? He used to be online all the time when we were together.

[@vincentbos]

Hi Karina, I strongly suggest not taking note of your ex's online behaviour. There is no way of knowing for certain why he makes the choices he does and hence a better use of your time is to focus on self-improvement.

[@themanman165]

I'm in so much pain...i just want my ex back 🥺

[@TheOnemanr1ot]

great video! quick question. my ex who dumped me told her mom "ill never stop loving him that will never go away" a week ago. she's in a rebound and its been 6 months. what do you think this means?

[@vincentbos]

Hi TheOneman, thanks for your question. I would suggest that your ex currently 'loves you' but isn't 'in love with you'. It's unlikely she feels romantic love for you at this time.

[@TheOnemanr1ot]

@@vincentbos makes sense, I’ve moved on and am improving myself being single. I still have a good relationship with her mom

[@tonyhinton6189]

Now she's in a rebound

[@Kopite19877]

How long did the rebound last?

[@JustNodIfYouCanHearMe77]

Sounds like a Monty Python sketch

[@themanman165]

The end rap has to go man 😂

[@vincentbos]

Haha I stopped using it about a year ago :)

[@districtagenda5695]

Will be a year in august, she’s reached out twice in that time. Once in December and once in March. December was a long text apologizing for being nasty during breakup and then three late night calls in March (I didn’t answer) . Not really sure if I’ll hear from her again.

[@districtagenda5695]

But no contact had worked 5 times before this in smaller breakups that made her come back, she verbalized to me that it really upsets her that I never “fight for her” and reach out after she says she’s done with me

[@xMikeyHardyx]

By ignoring her phone calls tells me you didn’t want her to reach out.

[@gagerdrg]

@@xMikeyHardyx not really because apologizing doesn’t really say she wants him back or not. I had an ex that apologized even when she’s in a relationship

[@gagerdrg]

@@xMikeyHardyx my ex tried to type something on Snapchat and did the same thing again during the one month period and I asked her is everything alright? Then she replied “no it was on accident.” I ask her how she was then she deleted me off of Snap chat then one week later off her personal Instagram and then one week later she did it off her photography page on Instagram

[@gagerdrg]

@@districtagenda5695 girls get mad about that when you don’t chase. They have to chase

[@9544458282]

15days very critical controll i cant