When narcissism is WEAPONIZED by the narcissist

[@Buckley-qk6fq]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator [e-mail] to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@mday3821]

What sucks is when an elderly narcissistic parent abuses you, however, no one believes you and feels sorry for the elderly parent!

[@AlexLouiseWest]

I believe you.

[@blackMZworld]

I believe you, too.

[@jameshunt6414]

I think this happens more than any of us realise.

[@tedfinkelberg]

I am also a victim of this same problem. You can be assured you are not alone.

[@ivangeo3319]

Yes.. Loss of credibility made walk with head down not because embarrassed but try to avoid their accusations. How to know, their eyes. Their staring eyes.

[@حنانعبدالله-ز9ص]

I think the worst thing a narcissist can do to you is convincing you that you are the bad person

[@thenativeconservationist]

I believed that, plus he’d already started the smear campaign early on dating and made sure to isolate me. God saved me and reminded me who I am. The more I fell in love with God the more he (the narc) collapsed. 🙏🏽

[@thenativeconservationist]

The truth will always come out! The truth is the truth!

[@David-eu1ms]

​three things cannot be hidden for long, the sun, the moon, and the truth.

[@corysmith3447]

no lies are stronger than ever look at 90% of youtube and news@@thenativeconservationist

[@Conscious59]

I think worse than that is cause you to have auto-immune diseases, to have low-self esteem, toxic shame & believe ur not worthy of love (or any romantic relationships at all), isolate/control you, emotionally & verbally abuse you while being 2-faced to every one else, living hypervigilantly knowing they are not for you/lack of praise, support validation & unconditional love....the list truly does go on...

[@sushmayen]

Nothing is more sadder than a broken family and all because the narc cannot be honest and transparent.

[@mday3821]

And because they are competitive with their own children & spouse...let's not forget how selfish they are.😢

[@Greenawareness188]

​@@mday3821 Thanks , I was just dealing with a competitive narcissist . Any more thoughts on that ?

[@Greenawareness188]

@sushmayen , Yes , Narcissists cause perpetual pain .

[@Gonzo3313]

its all their faults right? lol...yeah right....

[@user-wm5jc3vl1y]

Are you sure of what you share in this comment. What may be the capabilities the narcissistic person use to broke a whole family ?

[@dangelodiane]

PS: If you go into therapy, make sure the therapist is not only trauma-informed, but narcissism-informed. Especially if you're dealing with a communal narcissist.

[@lt827]

13:15 “If you’re really lucky, they will find a new target.”That’s really sad that the best we can do is have someone other person suffer instead of us.

[@HJustme855]

Agreed 💯

[@joshk147]

Thats definitely more morbid than the truth. Its not your responsibility to replace yourself, and it's certainly not your fault when the narc finds a new "supply."

[@lt827]

@@joshk147 not what I meant. You are inferring self blame when I meant none.

[@nicoledburns82]

I completely agree and would rather take the brunt of the narcs abuse than pass on to someone else. I have an issue with being ok just pushing abusive behaviour to someone else.

[@TeresaDeM]

My advice is run!!! Run away and let the truth expose itself. Proving yourself is tiring. I’m over it. Truth always prevails.

[@jessicaabbott10]

YES!!!! The proof is in the pudding. My sister is narcissistic and created multiple hate pages in my name, turning nearly everyone in my life at the time (including employers and college professors) against me, all to damage my reputation at a time when I was trying to get my life together, and left all her hate content up *publicly* for nearly a decade. There was nothing I could do but ignore it. There was no sense in trying to convince anyone at that point because people were TOO convinced that she was telling the truth. So I told myself that if anyone is weak-minded enough to be endoctrinated by all of that to let them see her true side for themselves, which most of them did in time.

[@yukio_saito]

Yes. 🏃‍♀💨💨

[@Conscious59]

Amen

[@lisahill182]

Absolutely True!!

[@TeresaDeM]

@@jessicaabbott10 you got this heal move on and stay far away that’s what I’m doing 💯💯💯

[@ClezVideos]

My ex was violent, emotionally abusive & abusive in many other ways. He was extremely irresponsible with money and spent it with wild abandon. I used to hide money so I could cover bills, mortgage, childcare etc. I was accused of financial abuse 🙄 Not a penny did I spend on myself while he spent everything we had but me trying to keep the bills paid was ‘abuse’.

[@1948rambo]

One thing they’re not looking for… the truth! You really see their cruelty there!

[@pinkmeadows]

yep exactly!

[@jessicaabbott10]

It’s like they’re allergic to the truth!!

[@HJustme855]

The truth is last thing they can cope with💯

[@graemesutton2919]

Their inability to see or deal with the truth is part of their delusional.

[@deniseclaeys8295]

"The fight is a tool of regulation for them..." I love when Dr Ramani drops gems like this!

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Totally, they want you on their terms, professional fighters. Just say no

[@aleshahatch775]

I feel so validated. I was told by my narc boyfriend of 10 years and 3 children, how a narc is actually a good thing bc a narc is looking out for themselves and thats healthy bc you need to take care of you first, so you can take care of others after. Problem was, he never took of anyone but himself. Thank you for your channel!

[@sarahcinnamonthriving9563]

Resonates... Takes a while to realise their hypocrisies and inconsistencies in their never actually aligning their words with actions that match these claims (as IS classically Narcissistic). Keys to the concept of your rights and responsibilities to look out for your own self first: It's about valuing AUTHENTIC actual WELL-BEING with Healthy Boundaries, including self-aware growth over fixed mindsets and habits to adjust for all the variables of our ever evolving ages and stages... It's about valuing mutually fulfilling life and well-being balanced equitably WITH OTHERS' we supposedly value. Narcissistic people do not "get" or value most of that: □ Authenticity... Nope... Does not compute: File not found. □ Consistency... Nope: except to be Consistently INconsistent.... Run file error. □ valuing MUTUAL positives... Synchronization cannot be completed. □ Honest/ authentic self-aware growth mindset... Operating System cannot run this function. They distort, twist, weaponise, and flip-flop on all positives- even decent established life advice.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Super disheartening. I no longer can have these people in my life. It’s sad but I’d rather be on my own. My health matters too. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@teresadvorak6145]

Yes, Abraham Lincoln said " its far better to be alone, than in bad company". He is so right 😅 ❤ ❤

[@DeeDee-oi6pb]

I had to leave an elderly narcissist client who I took care of for 10 years because it was affecting my health. I made sure our last conversation was recorded. After listening to it several times, I wondered why I took all that crap for so long. In the beginning I thought she was a nice, generous person, man was I wrong! Thanks for all your guidance! ❤

[@averagejane09]

Sorry for your experience. It is amazing how they can seem so nice and generous in the beginning and even at points throughout.

[@shelleyg218]

This aught to be the #1 subject in high school!

[@montena369]

Yep it's crazy how the narc calls you the narcissist 🤣 just happened to me in custody court with my daughter now they only want me to be a mom when they want a break smh it's so sad 😢 five years of abuse and my child is in kindergarten so you can only imagine how hard it was for me

[@1948rambo]

And their mental derangement. Geez!

[@xXNoMoralzXx]

The coercive control is real. I can admit to my wrongdoings, but what they did was vicious and cruel in a way I'm incapable of being. I'm done allowing the false narrative. I should have documented everything. I should have gone to the police, and gotten a lawyer. I'll face any consequences I have to, but know that they ruined my life and I deserved better.

[@xXNoMoralzXx]

I wish I had someone I could really trust back then. I don't have any documentation.

[@xXNoMoralzXx]

over 10 years ago and I believe I'm still seeing consequences

[@tonipapillon9556]

All we can do is try to cope day to day. You (we) did the best we could. Don't beat yourself up.

[@Beecosy]

There are no guarantees. We went to all the authorities but did not realise they were the problem as well, as they knew my toxic in law. Trust no one.

[@xXNoMoralzXx]

@@sherrydickie8459 Honestly, my take is that you are not the parent but you seem to feel entitled to that role. Even if you have good intentions, you're willing to go to court to try to gain access to the kid. You seem not to be able to consider the idea that you could have impacted the relationship through action or inaction, pointing to the mother's father instead. Knowing nothing else I cannot fault your daughter.

[@Steve197201]

That's excellent advice about not using psychological terms with anyone you're trying to convince. Instead, just tell them what the narcissist did and document it, and state how this harmed you.

[@jsmithsemper4848]

Psychological verbiage DOES lose a ton of validity when not coming from a licensed clinician!

[@warrenbradford2597]

I tried using psychological terms with intern therapist before to describe my narcissistic mother. He assumed that I am dealing a self-aware narcissist and says knows many narcissists are self-aware, assuming I do not know about them. He even told me she is just pretending she not a narcissist and disagreed with when I told she is avoiding getting the help she, because the system is broken. He told me I should call her out of being narcissist, even though she going to do lovebomb, gaslight, and terrible things Dr.Ramani said when I do that. This therapist who is "licensed clinical psychologist himself" does not get any Dr.Ramani said and realize he was contradicting what other psychologist told me. Having to work with was terrible for me.

[@dyanberg6263]

Yes absolutely My ex husband went to see a psychologist and had him write a diagnosis on myself from what he said. The psychologist made a diagnosis based on his words without ever meeting me. The second reading was painful because it showed how much he was confused between both personalities. He had introjected so much of my traits he really believed He was me. Crazy crazy

[@robinantonio8870]

Yep. Had that happen in court. Shrink took every lie she told him as truth, said shit about me without ever meeting me. Extremely unprofessional and damaging. I wrote him a letter saying did he feel good knowing be helped a narcissist further screw her victim.

[@judithflom6366]

Wow, extremely unprofessional. I wonder if your ex could have forged it?

[@pinkmeadows]

I now find myself using the D.E.E.P technique and cobstantly documenting when im faced down from various people with rumors or questions about said situation. I try to move as quiet as possible. This can me draining and sometimes difficult. My heart goes out to people suffering from this madness. ❤🙏

[@JAYNEmM1962]

Before I knew what narc was I was very reactive. Which bolstered my husband's victimhood. I had no idea ,then started hearing things .he goes out in our tiny community and plays word salad and since 9 when his mother died of cancer used it as a personality trait. He was frail hah yah right. He can play that quiet game really well. Took me yrs to identify all the games I was blamed in. We were never partners I was an emotional puppet. No more.

[@jsmithsemper4848]

It took me a long time to figure out how reactive I was. And the shit really hit the fan when I decided to stop reacting & instead start publishing my own stream of consciousness 😂🎉

[@Already.Forgotten]

One of the worst things that a narcissist can do to you is to convince everyone that you are the narcissist, and that they are the victim. There have been many innocent people wrongfully labeled a narcissist and had their reputation destroyed all because of a false narrative constructed by a narcissist.

[@pinkmeadows]

ikr 😞 just pure madness.

[@PrettyPennyTV]

An ex boyfriend did this to me with my friend group(with 4 other narcs), and my narc family. No contact does not even begin to clean this mess.

[@user-wm5jc3vl1y]

Tanks you for your comment but what may be the arguments use by a narcissistic person to convince the others?

[@darcyroyce]

@@user-wm5jc3vl1y your initial reaction to their usually, covert abuse. That's what we call reactive abuse - you'll shout back, curse back, and they'll use that to point out to everybody '' see?? i told you she's crazy and dangerous, just lashing out, when,i didn't do anything to her''

[@user-wm5jc3vl1y]

@@darcyroyce are you sure your message is for me ?

[@greywolf6146]

When things started to break down with my narcissist they started using all these terms I was not familiar with like 'toxic' and 'boundaries'. I never heard of this stuff. Toxic to me was a term used in the context of weed killer. It was then I started to educate myself and this channel was a big part of it. Then it dawned on me that this was not this person's first rodeo.

[@octoberdawn1087]

This. Literally I started learning about narcissism because my ex kept calling everybody else a narcissist. His boss, all of his co-workers, anybody! I was wondering if my sister was one.. but then I was like, oh my god I am living with one and I have to get out.

[@DitDot55]

A protracted smear campaign against me has been waged by the Golden Child/Raging Narcissist, when I finally put up a firm boundary on demands made. Many connections are forever lost now because of it. It's so unfair, and it's taking forever to "get over it" emotionally.

[@Ina-wn7jd]

I'm the scapegoat. I'm just starting to pull away from narc parents. It's very difficult. Our culture always favors the parent.

[@Ina-wn7jd]

The smear campaign is unbelievable

[@Ina-wn7jd]

It's really unfair 😢

[@eileenmarter6993]

I lost my temper one time and she taped it showed it to cops and other family members

[@EmpressAngelE]

Same, I was recorded

[@samanthapotts9241]

Endurance yes and it does energize them

[@amazinglife0222]

YES this is TRUE! I just experienced this. I am in therapy trying to figure out all the confusion

[@alena.709]

My narcissistic sister became a psychologist and is a therapist now. I hope that she gets only narcissists as a clients.

[@wildhorses6817]

They get Interns who they can control, abuse and destroy. There are many of these creatures in the field of psychology, beware.

[@HJustme855]

Unfortunately narcissistic therapists cause a lot of damage and I wish their clients were narcissistic. Unfortunately it's not often the case.

[@mwxyz828]

Yep, I’ve met a narcissistic therapist. It was traumatizing.

[@averagejane09]

Oh God. That is awful. The worst profession for that personality.

[@lisaatkinson6276]

My narc sister doesn’t have a degree and thinks she’s a psychologist and smarter than everyone. She’s the one I first heard calling other people narcissists. Now I totally understand projection and narcissism.

[@znaz4745]

😭😭😭 narcissists are too much to deal with.

[@Thanks-Again]

Omg hahaha yes I have - this is exactly how mine took all of our acquaints with her as she divorced me, she also tried to gaslight me into believing I was the problem, all while living a parallel life with another man and his kids!

[@kerimorgan6665]

Didn’t even realize this was going on until this week. It’s like having every emotion devalued all over again and a fresh slap in the face.

[@t_nels]

Yes, you truly have to understand Narcissism inside and out to work to work to a healthy change. Whereas it is a lawyers cash cow.

[@pikon222]

I am going through this right now.

[@homefryniles3983]

It's really invaluable that you teach just how dark and irredeemable the worst narcissists can be, and the psychopaths. Psychopaths are even more disbelieved than narcissists by most people. People just don't accept psychopathy because they really don't think and feel the way they do and can't imagine, etc. the narcissist and psychopath take on the words, ideas in psychology and use them diabolically. Thank you!

[@sarahcinnamonthriving9563]

Seriously, THIS vid's comment section is AS powerfully valuable as the video! I have been following Dr. R and others on these topics for at least 2 yrs now, and the comments' sharing just gets better as more of us get awareness. THIS vid and comments are GOLDEN because they hit on just how absurdly confusing and dishonestly delusional they make life.

[@tulipoplar87]

Yea, when I was still with my narcissist, information about narcissism was just starting to be available. I guess he started doing research bc he began saying things like he feels that he needed to “constantly walk on eggshells around me, bc I get angry a lot,” even though my anger was from holding in constant disappointment, being ignored (he ignored everything about me, including my basic knowledge, and doing so has actually put our lives at risk and caused property damage), and/or having boundaries crossed even if I explicitly stated my boundaries, or being negatively judged for basically normal behavior under the guise of comedy. Once he told me that I was being abusive for yelling at him to brush his hair and that “he would not be talked to like that,” (he had just cut off a giant rat nest sized knot of hair for the second time in 5 years… he kinda needed to brush… and I asked him to do so kindly at first before yelling, and had actually never really mentioned anything about his lack of hair care prior), or that me throwing an empty pack of smokes at him (once) was abusive even though I never called him out on his tendency to actually yell and throw large breakable objects near me. It becomes very very confusing and guilt inducing once the narcissist starts doing research and playing the victim.

[@Jonnie-qc7tk]

My divorce attorney’s legal assistant was just as bad narcissist. Every red flag was on the field. I told everybody a narcissist was handling my narcissist. I was back into that horrible relationship. I think she was colluding with my ex. I was financially abused. The attorney should be disbarred. No attorney will take my case for attorney malpractice. I will keep looking. He painted me horribly. I’ve lived on the other side on the country and nobody sees me the real me. Not a soul would agree with his narrative. It feels great and really helps fight him. I know who I am so I can dismiss his lies.

[@thenativeconservationist]

God knows you! He will vindicate you 🙏🏽

[@jared2859]

This was so enlightening and validating. I am a public defender, and there is a narcissist I have to work with in the prosecutor's office. She "baits" me so much, often doing something really horrible to my clients, then ignoring me until I do something to fight back. Then she plays the victim, acting like I'm bullying her because I call her bad behavior out in court. I've been watching your channel for like a year, but was just not recognizing it for some reason. Thank you!

[@cindyrhodes]

I have a cousin who is a flaming narc, and, of course, she labels anyone who doesnt bow to her wishes as a narc. I cant stand beung around her.

[@DanielleCapichano]

Everything said just before 2:16, I absolutely agree. My mother once screamed at me not for one, not for two, not for even a few hours. She hollered for 7 hours on end before I had to call law enforcement to get her to back down and let me in past the front step of the house so I could sleep, so to wake up at 3:00 a.m. for the job that was keeping the household afloat. All because I had the audacity to return a stolen grocery cart to the Dollar General around the corner from our house before coming home immediately from work. There's no making that make sense outside of ego, pride, power and control.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. Wow. Just when I start to think these videos couldn't get any better.

[@cherylbeyer2362]

Thank you for this video. Going through this right now, complete with the triangulation, flying monkeys and toxic enablers. So hard, so unfair.

[@HJustme855]

Me too. Keep strong. Even knowing what narcissism is doesn't make it easier or less baffling deal with.

[@ArmyRanger483]

Omg.you are so correct. I've experienced it. I knew after a while when I realized I was with a narcissist. I started to research it to see if the things that my partner was doing to me had a name and I realized she was a real narcissist. Then I made the mistake and shared one of your videos. OmG after that she started putting on her pages things like" surviving a Narcissistic relationship". " How to get away from an Narcissistic" Etc. she's never said a word about Narcissistic people till I realized she was 100 percent a Narcissist and confronted her about it. But after that she done her home work and had me questioning myself for a minute. But I got away from her and its been a couple years and she's still posting things on the web about Narcissist and toward me the Ex all the time, making til tok videos about Narcissism and about me. How long is this going to go on? And thank you from Rich , MD USA

[@marieborchardt2910]

Wow, listening to this, I realize how easy I got off in severing at least one narcissistic relationship. I'm thankful it didn't end in court, it very easily could have. Another traumatic ending didn't end in court, but I lost people I love and I doubt they'll ever realize the truth.

[@robshorts]

I would say that many narcissists win arguments on pure absurdity. The jaw dropping, invented rubbish that the narcissistic family member in my life comes out with is so absurd you would have to step into her world to win.

[@HJustme855]

They are so often absurd. It's how they get the better of their victims. Their victims aren't grandiose and far more practical.

[@JeannineStedman]

Word salad!

[@farmboypresents9977]

I don't believe anything they say now. They lost all credibility with bs. It's hard to know what others think.

[@cairosilver2932]

I'd think she makes it look like you could win if you step into her world, as a form of bait. It's a trap.

[@jumpinjohnnyruss]

Very true. Have a look at Paul Grice's maxims for conversation: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooperative_principle The narcissist seeks to defy these maxims as much as possible to throw the conversation into disarray and neutralize the collaborative power of the best tool humans have invented (language). The better an idea I've gained of how a constructive conversation should go, the more understandable narcissists have become to me.

[@annalynsheffield8919]

Yes! My ex tried to convince me that I was a narcissist, citing things I had said prior as evidence (like when I told him I didn't understand what it really meant when he said he loved me because of his seeming opposite actions. He said I didn't understand love because I was a narc). He went on to say that he loved me any ways and would stick with me despite my problems. The funny/interesting thing was this all happened on Mother's Day. That Mother's day was not a happy or peaceful one.

[@LValley-kz3yc]

Thank you again. This information is vital. You need to be ready with documentation in an easy format for the attorney. A person is not in court everyday so you have plenty of down time. The Narc wants to crush you, but decorum and remaining quiet does not go unnoticed by the judge. Their ranting does not impress the judge. Thank you again.

[@orielwiggins2225]

Omg, yes! Had this happen several times when key people weren't getting their way cuz I finally held firm to my boundaries and said I'd gladly speak to them when they were willing to treat me with respect and decency.

[@Stewart-zk1fg]

Thanks it's difficult to be pragmatic in these situations.

[@Saraflowerk]

They're getting worried most people won't take their love bombing anymore. And that's true how arguing is like their decadent chocolate cake.

[@HJustme855]

Narcissist's weaponise narcisism against those who aren't narcissistic.

[@matteblak6158]

Dr. Ramani, I have said this on about 1 million of your videos, but it is so comforting to know that you understand, and that there are so many other people watching who understand. There aren’t a lot of victories for us victims, but realizing that we are not crazy, and that it’s not us, is one that I cherish

[@ashleafelty4252]

This video could not have been posted at a more perfect time. My Narcissist just started doing this a few days before this uploaded. Thank you for being here, Doctor.

[@1948rambo]

They can weaponize anything!

[@daykibaran9668]

Yes, also things you wouldn’t think they can weaponize against you, they will weaponize it against you

[@matthewwozniak9138]

This is really 👍good stuff. I keep my lawyer on hand online, just in case.😎

[@MsShannaK]

Thank you doctor Ramani ❤

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

If you look up Shelly Renee White online, you will find all the information you need. Thank you.

[@Greenwings701]

There is NOT always a solution. Bad stuff is not always a phase or misunderstanding.

[@johnpaulsawan1990]

My family was raised by two narcissists. We would not feel or be super bored unless we were fighting.

[@HandsOC]

This is exactly what happend in my previous marriage. Thank You. Your video about documenting and being told "you are being petty" really woke me up that she intended to do whatever it takes to paint me as the problem. She then labeled me as a narcisist which confused me.

[@mariehughey5390]

I’m ready to go completely no contact but it is now the extended family that seems to think they can fix us. So now I’m thinking I need to just say no to them too.

[@pauliecook432]

Who needs this great woman's great expertise but can't afford it 😅 ❤

[@houseofbows]

A narcissist has attacked my family. They have harrassed bullied and made fun of someone i love online. I wish so bad theyd get police involved this persons unhinged.

[@lt827]

This is enough to make me want to become a hermit. My narcissistic ex was so good at baiting me after my long day at work when I was exhausted (because he decided to come to bed at 2 am and woke me up. Unless I put all my energy into managing my emotions, his behaviour made me angry.

[@averagejane09]

Yeah, it is amazing how inconsiderate they are and then you are the bad guy for having understandable anger. Mine wakes me up a lot too. One time, I literally came to bed saying I felt queasy....which I did...and he immediately rolled on top of me...like what? who does that? It is always up to us to manage our emotions and walk on eggshells to not offend their delicate egos. Exhausting.

[@SheilaChung-rt5iy]

Thank you Dr. Ramani!❤🫶🏻💙

[@phoenixrising4768]

Have you read the books, METAMORPHOSIS by Kafka and "I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN"? I read them as a kid, and now I wonder if Kafka's parents were Narcs, for his to turn into a bug in the book. Also, in "I never promised you a rose garden" the girl who is mentally challenged talks about all the stuff happening inside her head, because there is no one who would believe her. So, she accepts their narrative that she is mentally challenged and gets admitted into the mental hospital, because there is where she finds peace and resolution, away from her tormentors. As an adult I get it now.

[@delicate.mascara]

I first heard about narcissism and gaslighting from my narcissist ex friend. I started learning more about it after she accused me of gaslighting (which now I know is what she was doing to me) I'm so glad it ultimately led me to this channel

[@zsuzsah.]

So so true,i am so humbled by it dr Ramani🙏🏻, presiate it

[@wendyfitch625]

Dr Ramani, I would love to see a video on why some Narcissistic people get degrees in counseling? My adult daughter and I were extremely close until she went to a psychologist in her mid thirties who told her I was a bad mother. That was 10 years ago and our relationship is now pretty much non existent. I had to go to a year of grief counseling to come to terms with this loss. Several years after earning her bachelor's degree, and after her therapy, she went back to school and earned her Masters degree in counseling. She has never used the degree because she said she couldn't make enough money. Her father was a narcissist, who I left after 26 years of marriage and her personality parallels his.

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

My aunt has great counsellor skills, can turn tears on & off at the drop of a hat. Fooled me for years till I became the target! D A N G E R O U S 🚩 They will help you become dead and buried, then throw shade on your character at the wake with back handed compliments such as... "relative said your relative could never have achieved what I achieved because of x, y & z problems, BUT I said yes they could have if they had tried even though they struggled with x, y, z" Take your foot off my head so I can save myself from drowning!! Pure evil.

[@libertycan6959]

🙏🏼 Sad journey. They truly exploit.

[@Omneyvdwatering]

oh my, this takes me back to the depp heard lawsuit.

[@reneerivers2634]

About 10 years ago my hubby's ex found out that I said she had NPD and she has been obsessed with it ever since. According to her, she has been the victim of narcissists her entire life. Her deceased mother, all of her ex husbands (she has 5), her mother's entire family, and many friends she discarded. All of those people, she says, victimized her. She's the injured party and they're monsters. I'd suggest she figure out the common denominator in all of these relationships but since narcissists lack the ability to self reflect she will continue to believe she is not the problem. It wouldn't normally matter to me what she believes but she is my stepson's mother and her beliefs and behavior have impacted him. He is currently in the process of setting boundaries with her.

[@Lowdninja]

This is literally what I am going through NOW!!

[@bract303]

Me too, it sucks.

[@kondetichandini8966]

Thanks a lot Dr.Ramani! Am eternally grateful to you and your generosity to share this content for free. I have learnt everything in just a month ( which I am supposed to learn during my growing up younger phase). Anyways, your content helped me enormously. Am now tasting the perks of being kind to myself and the attention and energy that I freely used to give to every narcissist around me. Thank you so much. Love to you❤

[@sandrab.5065]

Spot on as usual, Dr. Ramani. The fighting fuels their adrenal kick, IMO. They win by sheer endurance-Truth.

[@genevalawrence801]

During our marriage, my ex asked me to take responsibility for managing our bank accounts and bill paying. During the divorce, he tried to assert that I was being controlling with money. Fortunately, I had saved the written message in which he asked me to take responsibility for our day to day finances, so he wasn't able to make his false assertion stick. Keep everything written, in a password protected place, with names and dates. If they ask you for something, confirm in writing, so you can show how the thing actually went down. When you're trying to get free, you'll need it. The narcissist is not constrained by a need to behave with integrity.

[@sarahcinnamonthriving9563]

My Narcissistic ex TAUGHT me words and issues I DIDN'T really know about at the time, so I would look them up, and it would turn out that HE was unaware of the REAL meanings. As I would find out, he would get pissed because it would prove to be HIS (and his family's) issues, not mine! ... And Narcissists LOATHE honesty, fairness, and logic... especially about themselves. "Projection" "Transference" "Trauma-Dumping" "Word Salad" ... And him telling me that he and his mother felt I "needed to learn Healthy Boundaries" "to better OBEY" their flip-flopping confusing and contradictory expectations... So... I DID... in a 10 wk grp therapy course... WOW were they upset when I learned it was nothing they thought, plus exposed their toxicity! I ended up starting to heal lifelong abuse conditioning from looking up and learning about the terms he tried to criticize me with and weaponise against me.😅

[@1948rambo]

Yes I’m seeing that!!!!

[@humanpsychology.1]

It's intriguing how a narcissistic personality can seamlessly switch between charming and toxic behaviors, leaving those around them in a perpetual state of emotional whiplash.

[@triawillow1972]

Thank you again Dr Ramani 💜🫂💜

[@samanthapotts9241]

Deeply entitled

[@acolley2891]

Thanks Dr! The mental preparation for the SHTF scenario is a great blessing. It would have ruined me if I didnt find channels like this.❤

[@barbaraschultz1442]

Follow the money.

[@shelleysiegel2039]

Hell yes, I have. He nearly killed me.

[@remimartans5844]

YES! Around five years ago, my Narc Dad started learning about narcissism online. And guess what? He then started calling everyone else a narcissist, even his own grandchildren of eight and five years old! It drives me mad!! Thanks for making this video, Doctor Ramani. These people are so thoroughly warped and dangerous. My wife keeps trying to get me to engage and 'win' with my Dad, but it can't be done. It's like handling a snake. Disengage, walk away, cut all contact. Sadly it's not always possible to completely get free, so it's so important to develop tactics and techniques. Thanks for all you do.

[@willygates]

One thing I disagree with is not talking to anyone. I think its important to have a group of people to talk to break through cognitive dissonance.

[@sabinevonbank2606]

So true! In fact this is the only method 11:53 that helped me to stay sane

[@puremaledark8305]

Oh, geeesh. The one i dated waited for so long and as soon as i had a weak moment (got too drunk) they started recording and accusing me of all sorts of things. I finally clapped back a bit and they used that recording to share with everyone. “See! Look how bad he is!”

[@kallasusort2986]

I have watched it in a court room - The narcissist starts BIG crocodile tears. The Judge falls for it. Disgusting

[@symplyg8489]

All of the manipulation became the cruxt of letting go. The crazy talk, anger, lies, cheating, and discard/retrieve were difficult, but freeing in the end, it became so toxic to my body that I could no longer care and I just stopped talking to, seeing, and caring about having anything to do with this individual. Best decision ever!❤

[@08jkhnor]

Thank you

[@marymitchell50]

Thank you Dr. Ramani, this was wonderful to hear upon waking this morning. God Bless you for all you do, given this difficult modern world! All the best to you. 🌅 MM

[@ricardajames5769]

You explained my narc mom to a tee. I appreciate your videos. Thank you so much ❤

[@samanthapotts9241]

Malignant NARCISSIST take what matters to you

[@CrazyWario16]

Evan Rachel Wood is such a narcissist

[@JDS37711]

Oh my my my...he did precisely what the doc is saying. He would trigger me an was videoing my reactions, without my knowledge, when I finally did break over an began reacting as well as responding so horribly uncivily. So the only thing thats been focused on was my reactions.

[@raegeh-fv9sm]

About two years ago I thought I was friends with another woman I had no clue she was narcissistic. She came to me one day claiming that she was trying to help me. She wanted me to do something that I knew was a bad idea and would make the problem a 100 times worse. I tried to say no! She continued to demand that I do what she wanted. I tried to explain why what she wanted would not work! She then started yelling "stop projecting onto me". At the time I didn't know what projecting was, so I didn't respond. She restated her demand. I said NO. She yelled "stop projecting onto me" again. I stated my boundaries for my life again. She yelled "if you don't stop projecting onto me I'm leaving". I responded"that sounds like a good idea" and walk away. A couple of weeks later, she told people to tell me that we could still be friends but I had to apologize and do what she wanted. I told this people that our friendship was over. A couple of weeks later she used her van to block my car in. I agreed to do what she wanted, so that she would move her van. When my car was out, I sent her a text telling her I no longer wanted to be friends and I was not going to do what she wanted. She used text to trash my reputation. Only a couple of people sided with her.

[@VeganWellnessTribe]

Not to be dramatic, but you’re the reason I’m figuring out how to navigate interacting with my mother. It’s giving me hope that maybe the rest of my life can actually be mine. I’m having to grey rock a lot. You’ve taught me SO much. Thank you. Thank you, thank you 🙌❤️‍🩹

[@keariewashburn4680]

This is so true. My ex was a professional ( literally) one. It was so insidious. He wasn't loud or go off on a rant. He was under control so much. Dangerous. Pos! I'm glad I'm well and my children. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@beverlypawsat6529]

Thank you for the advice, I will refer to it frequently as I am preparing my escape. You're the Best!

[@nitaell]

It's not so much the endurance of a narcissist, it's the RETALIATION and backlash you're subjected to, especially if they are your superior and can HR you right out of a job!

[@marcellominzoni7691]

The first time I heard about narcissism and associated terms such as gaslighting was by being accused of these behaviors by my now ex-wife. I was extremely confused so I did some research and that’s when I realized I was being accused of her wrong doing, the classic projection. My ex wife and I are co-parenting and still fighting over custody and I recently learned that she is calling me a narcissist both at work and in the legal realm. Very frustrating because despite my constant documentation, I keep hearing that bringing this to the judge is a coin flip. It’s like watching my kids being attacked by a shark and being unable to help them

[@teresadvorak6145]

Exactly, accuse u of their wrong doing, then make it known to everyone. My sister did this to me. She said" why are u always the victim" I said I'm a (VICTOR) not a victim! U need to set them straight. When she found out I was trying to educate myself on how to deal with narcissism, she jumped right into it & turned everything around & tried to use it on me. I could see what she was doing & tho she tried to convince what the rest of the family thought of me. It didn't work on me 😂. We are no contact forever & I don't miss her evil ways. She even hoover me at my own home but I could see through her temporary charm. I was nice & then let her go forever. I never want to see her again. She's a mean sadistic bitch who cares about nobody's emotions but her own which she can't control. She is learning that she can't control mine.

[@1948rambo]

Exhausting!

[@Shannon0hh]

Every word is so true. Unbelievable that only a year and half felt like a damn lifetime.