When the avoidant “falls out of love”

#emotionallyunavailable #discard #divorce #blindsided #breakup #avoidant #dating #relationshipcoach #situationship #avoidantattachment #relationship #attachment #dismissiveavoidant #fearfulavoidant #insecureattachment

[@user-ck6ly4st3v]

Yes they do not communicate. They are total cowards.

[@fightingmonk123]

When the avoidant pulls away they still love you but it's stuffed.

[@Growwithgrace101]

That is exactly what happened. We spent the day together as normal loving hold hands walking talking then allof a sudden he started shaking sat me on a park bench and said he didn’t love me anymore!!! Wtf....completely blindsided and traumatised it has taken me 8 months and therapy to recover my nervous system. I don't care what they went through....they are causing harm to others and passing on their trauma.

[@azizalbnay914]

"they are causing harm to others" my thought is why there is no law for this kind of harassment ?

[@satyajeetpatnaik3780]

When I asked her why she is avoiding me and unresponsive, she said she lost feelings for me. I was totally shocked with this answer. All of a sudden you cant lost feelings and your emotionally connection with someone u know for 2 years. She never used to communicate and always gave silence as her response. Last 3 weeks were so pathetic and exhausting for me. I tried to reach out but she just ignored me. Not knowing what to do, how to act like it doesnt hurt? I saw her giving up on me, and denying on everything. I feel so hurt but cant do anything about it. Its a very strange kind of pain for being discarded. I never wanted to lose her. But she dont care at all. 😣 sometimes it feels like I ma lying myself that things will get better with time. 😔 losing my peace everyday

[@jordantewari]

With every pain we feel we grow and learn. I’m in your position now. The pain is great. It’s a small comfort if at all that we feel the same but don’t forget that this will make you a better lover, partner and person. It’s healthy to be in pain and to hurt. It means you are healthy and normal. I didn’t learn until I hit rock bottom and now we can learn some more.

[@a.d.b535]

Mine was a slow motion movie where parts of the relationship airplane were falling off in flight, leaving me lonely, like I didn't matter. Lack of hugs, kisses. Now 10 days since the break, We broke up.. Hang in there and have faith.

[@jordantewari]

@@a.d.b535 keep the faith, don’t lose your head

[@Ken-od7gc]

I am going through this too. It does get better. It isn't your fault please try to remember this. Keep watching these videos too. It helps me reinforce that it's them not me. And seeing I'm not the only one that has been through this.

[@jordantewari]

@@Ken-od7gc the sad truth is that even though it may not be our fault, we still feel guilty for not stoping it from happening. And it hurts to think that we were betrayed and never cared about.

[@Helptosave-uc1pc]

Until they self reflect and actually take accountability and communicate they are in fact unlovable 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@naomidaum8277]

He told me that our relationship has just run its course. We were friends for years before marriage. He is abusive anyway, but I still can't stop the hurt I feel.

[@tumbleweedconnection7906]

Man you give me chills with how spot on you are about my ex, the part about we could be doing something that bothered them but they never told us they never expressed their wants and needs. We had to be a mind reader.

[@Feijoagirl]

Just been discarded and they’ve moved on.

[@adriennelatimer2491]

Seems like there are more avoidant people in todays culture, like nobody got what the needed in childhood

[@user-cb2xm5pm3q]

As you get older, the only people left are avoidiants. The secure people get married

[@clarascully68]

Yes just been ghosted by my partner. Lesson learnt. Am avoidant isn’t necessarily a narcissistic, but all narcissists have avoidant attachment I heard? Second time I let him in, be careful as they can start to miss you and come back and do it again. Really messed up my life tbh. Staying single for now. In Britain, the men are very avoidant, we’re brought up with “stiff upper lip”, don’t cry, don’t be weak, be a man. My generation anyway, there’s a lot of avoidants etc.

[@ronmexico8383]

The result of an increase in kids growing up in either single parent or "co-parent" situations. It's only going to get worse. To go along with that thought, it's also from the mom not staying home with the kids while dad goes to work. Dumping your kids off at daycare is not good for them. "They'll get over it and turn out fine" is a bad thought. Maybe they won't turn out to be a convict, but they are turning out to be avoidants and leaving a wake of damage.

[@fortificationenjoyer1919]

The previous generation failed as parents, there are so many people with this attachment nowadays...

[@andybiddle9088]

Two weeks after saying she loved me and we spent such a great, fun day together....She ended it!...With a text!!! Saying the romantic vibe had gone. WTF! I didnt get any answers. The times i text i just got, "leave me be im not in a good place". Since our split in February, ive been reading up on Avoidants and learning through KZbin videos. Until then, i didnt even know that this was a thing!! As much as my heart is shatteted, at least i know it aint my fault. I thought id found THE ONE and i made her happy. Not only am i sad for me, im sad for her. She had a shit upbringing and dodgy relationships, this isnt her fault.Its a mental condition...I know shes suffering too... 😢

[@gregorystinette8271]

They can be mysterious partners for sure

[@snyder.4587]

Listen. Ryan. I cannot watch your consulting videos without laughing. you are so Epic and come across so interesting and funny the way you present these intense facts so directly, humbling, but the best part is funny as hell. Why? Because your dead on Sir. Love your work, sincerely.

[@gayleneflower398]

AGREE, his videos are direct to the point, short and a good reminder us to NOT GO BACK to the avoidant

[@K.I.R.B.]

Going through this rn very distant and it’s true they go from hot to cold, I’m aware I didn’t do anything wrong but yeah it sucks

[@ruthr8990]

Coach Ryan you look so nice and so much more professional without the hat

[@chandonfigg]

Ooff love this video thank you

[@Ria7020]

Great video, lots to learn from...

[@gayleneflower398]

Same. first think I thought was he found someone else. Thank you Coach. Your "sermons" help me keep the no contact. I think I would be back for a 5th round with this guy if not for you! I listen every day. bless you...also, when you reference avoidance is that DA and FA?

[@Ryan-yg7zc]

Mate awesome info, is there any chance you could increase your audio volume? Its noticeably quieter than everything else on YT. Keep up the good work

[@Jessiethegirl23]

He told me I was “too much” “too ugly” and “too much drama”. Then after a period of us being fine he sent me a porn video cheating on me. Blamed me for being hurt and angry. Insisted to stop trying to talk it out with him. Then insisted the only way to “fix” our “friendship” was to send him $5k. I replied “ I am never sending you money. Ever. I don’t reward cruelty.” His response: “ It was cruel to ever fuck with you in the first place.” And I said “ Thats the most truthful thing you have ever admitted to me. Thank you. 🙏 “

[@ritapeters1330]

I feel so sorry for what you went through, but he is an A****** , he has not much in common with an avoidant nor narcisisst.

[@ronmexico8383]

He doesn't sound like an avoidant. He sounds like Satan. Run There are lots of great men out there, I hope you find one. Block the last one.

[@ninaziva4639]

He was probably a very sadistic narc but absolutely not an avoidant.

[@clarascully68]

Not all avoidants are narcissists, but I'm sure all narcissists have an avoidant attachment style, according to the experts and published studies not random youtubers! I'm so sorry you went through this, I loved your response to his cruelty, they are only putting out how they feel about themselves, it's projection. Wishing you healing. ❤‍🩹

[@asandakom8448]

I can assure you, that was not an avoidant but a satanist. Thank God He came to rescue you from the a**h***. You should celebrate everyday that you escaped. All the best to you. ❤️ 🌈

[@ashleynoyes3124]

If an avoidant; is self aware, knows they have bad communication about things, tries to communicate but gets bad responses in the process - then is it still the avoidant's fault for the relationship failing? I've been dealing with this issue for a while. Now I have a hard saying what I need to in the moment but I try to not let it be too long before I say something (depending on what it is), but I get met with responses that make me shut down even more.

[@ninaziva4639]

Could you please tell me what makes you shut down generally? What kind of responses make you shut down? I'm walking on eggshells with my very first avoidant, so I've no idea how should I talk to him and avoid making him shutting down again. To answer your question: No, I think if the avoidant is making effort to better his communication, self reflecting, and taking accountability, it's no longer his fault if the relationship fails.

[@ashleynoyes3124]

@ninaziva4639 my partner has a habit of being a smart a**. So responses like : calm down, I was just joking, you should know me by now that I wouldn't _______. Or even saying don't bring your past relationships baggage but that's where the bad behavior/habits stem from. I'm used to the neglect and escaping into my hideaway - any retaliation or push back when trying to explain something is likely to cause a shut down. Just try to be patient and listen. Wait till they get things off their chest, reflect before allowing a knee jerk reaction to take place. What they have to say may not be fair to hear, but another thing that could be keeping them from talking is them feeling guilty over even having these thoughts/feelings that they want to get out.

[@gayleneflower398]

@@ninaziva4639 RUN

[@cjcl5507]

what happen if you send this video to your avoidant ex? will it trigger them or they will make effort to change? been NC for almost 2 months

[@carla_sc_1984]

Is it possible for them to heal this with teraphy?

[@pdubs1408]

I'm in therapy for my discard. I'd say it does help. But it's not a quick fix or the solution to all your problems. Use it as a tool for learning and understanding.

[@MackAlton]

Is there a way to save them?

[@skylergrey8655]

No

[@gayleneflower398]

Hell no! RUN

[@mgn1621]

Save yourself…..your comment is unhealthy.

[@MackAlton]

@@mgn1621 how is it unhealthy to ask a question?

[@No-hopes-given]

Can those feelings ever arise again?

[@fortificationenjoyer1919]

They will always come back, I'm in a push and pull relationship since early 2021, she always says how she lost her feelings or how we won't ever talk again, only to come back begging to have me again. They are damaged people, childrens in adult body

[@No-hopes-given]

@@fortificationenjoyer1919 oh my goodness children in adults body is exactly how she behaves. She comes back but to be friends even though I stop responding or meeting her. She left me alone for a month I thought she must have moved on but then messaged me trying to make superficial conversation and I had to tell her again to respect my messages to not be friends she hearted the message and stopped. It’s so frustrating she has tons of friends and doenst want to go against her family for me. So why not just leave me alone? She’s done the whole I have no feelings for you in December….im fine with that so why try to contact me then?! Is it confusion, her family holding her back or is she just a complete b*tch?

[@jamesjohnson6309]

They always do. Mine did a month ago. I’ve grown. I no longer need her attention to feel worthy. THEY ALWAYS COME BACK- because, they block out the feeling they have for you for fear of being hurt. They’ll sadly always love you. But will never allow those feelings to stick around. Then months go by and they feel that love for you again. Urge them to seek help. But don’t put up with the self esteem shattering treatment towards you.

[@No-hopes-given]

@@jamesjohnson6309 no mate she reached out to me Wednesday being completely normal trying to make conversation and I sent her packing only to find out on Sunday she has a boyfriend. I confronted her she just got angry with me for finding out.

[@No-hopes-given]

@@jamesjohnson6309 what if they have been in a new relationship for the last few months but were still reaching out? I found out and asked her and she freaked out I wasn’t even angry just asked her why she wouldn’t tell me herself even though she had text me a few days before I found out. Anyway pointless so coming back now why you would text your ex when ur in the honeymoon phase of a new rlship - unbelievable

[@Jdotrhh]

Is it normal for avoidants to ask for money?

[@ritapeters1330]

No, did yours ask you for money?

[@ryk7296]

Yes, once they deactivate they start to resent you. In this period they can harm you in any way. They can also ask for money and disappear without returning it. Once deactivated they only see you as a paycheck who is willing to spend for them. Alot of the anxious people will try to prove their worth by spending money on them. Most of the avoidants are stingy and they become addicted to other partners spending money. They dont like to spend at all.

[@ritapeters1330]

@@ryk7296 maybe when they resent you? But then you are mostly not in the relationship with them any more, so they won't ask you for money. Once they deactivated you do not want to be with them any more. So they would not ask for money and cannot harm you anyway.

[@alwaysrudy1716]

Uh nooo. They’re not narcissist

[@gayleneflower398]

Yes. He did a lot of work around my house lovebombing when we first met. Then gradually moved in...he lived in another state. Then after months, he became "deactivated" and asked me "Well what do you do for me?, well?..What?!" "You are pushing me away, and I have lost my feelings for you". I said" you have been living with me in a nice house for months, WTF dude?!" He was resentful, packed his things, any gifts he gave me (and some of my jewelry things as well btw), and left. back to his long distance in another state. Unbelievably, We went a few more rounds after that, but I never let him move back to my house. He definitely wanted MONEY among other things. Then always came love bombing back. then deactivate. RUN