When Trauma Strikes Late in Life, UNEXPECTEDLY

[@charmee4045]

I got involved with a Borderline at 63........now in therapy I was so traumatized after coming out of a 30 year marriage and falling to one of these predators......I have not been able to go near a man in 3 years. I was with him 5 years and only now thanks to you know what I was dealing with. Didn't need it at this age or any age.

[@Louloute-h4x]

There is a difference between not being able to do something and not being willing to do something. You are either the victim or the decider.

[@HumanBean-v2m]

❤🎉

[@olegal]

Sounds intelligent, but less than helpful.

[@terryhutchings7701]

Same. Widowed for three years then got myself into a six year relationship with a covert narc at the age of 60. Broke free and then went into therapy for two years. Did not date at all while in therapy and now I’m scared to death to even try again. Just not worth the risk at this stage in my life. I’m done.

[@NJB28]

Only a psychiatrist can diagnose BPD. You can’t diagnose it. Instead of adding to stigma to that diagnosis, why not try to figure out what made you stay in a bad relationship for so long?

[@katiekessler1606]

We love your Haircut, Professor Sam Vaknin!

[@soniawalters9258]

You are the very best in what you do. Because of you I discovered my condition. My problem is figuring out the solution. May God bless you. Again thanks Professor

[@pathuboi6594]

My father was a survivor of the Bataan Death March in the Philippines and 3 & 1/2 yrs as slave labor in Japan during WWII. I know firsthand that the transgenerational effects of this late onset trauma are vast and persistent. 17:04

[@theresejonsson5450]

You are so funny 🙌😂😂😂You hair is perfect .Sam

[@olegal]

He's adorable no matter his hair style. lol.

[@Miz-l2c]

Thank you for explaining how I feel at 64, it will help me greatly. I left home at 16 as a young mum. I met the good and the bad, as single mums do. I mainly came out of general use and abuse scenarios at 32 and explored autonomy, and went into higher education. Nowadays, I feel grateful for a break until the next stressor or trauma is thrown my way. I know I am broken, and I know it would be years in therapy, for me to fully reconnect to anyone. On the outside people see me from whatever perspective. I decided a few months ago being a nobody would suit me best, even though I am married and have friends and family. I am in therapy and I am grief triggered every week which is moving me forward in terms of patching my heart back together. I totally agree, with your description of the causes and responses to trauma later on in later life. I appreciate this being acknowledged and spoken about in any kind of depth, especially as, it is a rarity.

[@robertjohnburton9775]

My cancer and subsequent treatment adding up to 5 years has changed me. I have lost so much.

[@Louloute-h4x]

It's the price to pay when you accept to undergo ineffective toxic treatments.

[@kimlarso]

Parasitic drugs said; We have a cure🦋

[@seneca2403]

Five years! Sorry to hear that.

[@robertjohnburton9775]

@@Louloute-h4x There was nothing ineffective, sorry you are so narrow in your view.

[@robertjohnburton9775]

@@kimlarso It is sad too many cancer patients have died listening to people like you under sheets on concrete in some far away place hoping for miracle cures.

[@xeniko1226]

The two adult traumas shaped me much more than all the loss in childhood. Military being able to exert ultimate control (not in policy) by using covert social tactics and not formal punishment (or both) (I know at the beginning, it started due to pettiness) They also threw thousands of dollars of my stuff away when I took emergency leave and also a narcissistic ex who also wanted to exert full control when they knew I was weakened and broken. They discarded me when I stopped giving any attention at all. It worked so so so good. At a point though I had to shut down like that. I had nothing left to harvest. Never in my life have I felt in control and free to steer. There’s always a mitigating factor. Then other people say “only you can do it” No no no I cannot. They don’t understand at all. I feel like there is a whole hard drive of information that I am missing. That other people have but they don’t understand the significance of that hard drive. Being homeless also makes you an easy target for sexual assault (both men and women these days). My first day homeless this woman offered to let me leave my stuff in her car then held it hostage when I didn’t call her the most beautiful woman in the world. (Not part of the deal) then within a week this old man offered a couch after talking for an hour. He seemed so nice. I went to sleep on his couch and in the middle he started massaging me. Then he asked for something I cannot say here. He told me he was just trying to be nice because I was struggling but that isn’t true obviously. It seems both the best and worst people have this hard drive that I am missing. It is vital to success. So now my living conditions look like meth head bobby but I don’t do any drugs or drink any alchohol. Everyone just tries to take advantage.

[@alisabondar]

Something to add to the list potentially is chronic illness. I came down really hard with Lyme disease which caused me to be very isolated and disconnected from society for three years. I really resonate to the description the professor is describing

[@seneca2403]

We love you, Doc.

[@marthadressel3856]

Fascinating At 38 y o, I began to start suffering physical pain that got so bad by 40 i quit my FT director of nursing job although I had my own business i never would've quit my carrer. In the next 7 years the pain and physical deformity was so torturous i cant describe it and with the medical field telling me i was making it up. Also not knowing my husband was a sadistic narcissist he turned very absusive physically and i was non walking and on disability so i couldn't leave. I had two children still at home. After years of doctors shifting me around i finally landed at a specialist that figured it out last year at 57 years old. Im now almost 59. I lost 20 years due to torturous physically pain. I did get me n the kids outta that marriage via a shelter. Thank God. Everything you said is on point. Im getting more stable but the entire experience is indescribable and i feel dissociated from life, people and myself but my kids are grown and seem mentally healthy. My son, ( my husband 's son too) is very detached n seems angry at me which i think i understand. The level of my paranoia is off the chain. Im grateful for supportive people and competent doctors today. Any suggestions would be appreciated and this explained so much. Ive also realized im high functioning level 1 autistic n dyslexic never diagnosed. Its been a ride. The SI have stopped.

[@RaHB7]

This video gave me an overview of the shifting diagnostics, and the position of those with personality changes due to trauma in late adolescence. The changes can be lifelong as a means of survival in the new ‘ Inscape’. The 58year old male told me himself, ‘After this event, nothing touches me.’ He dispensed with me; I knew too much after 25 years and he didn’t want to go there.

[@hauntedsalmon7931]

I have an anaphylactic allergy which has caused me to be a shut in. It’s not curable, and people either ridicule or are hostile. There are less places I can go where I can survive. I went from being an extrovert to introvert as a necessity. Thank you and your hair is amazing!

[@socol76]

What are you allergic to

[@jordanbetts1572]

Interesting how we adapt and how tge adaptations aren't always necessarily negative.

[@starrart4u]

Thank you tremendiously Prof. Vaknin and your wise eruditions of history of psychologische miss-labeling out of the therapist's office. As a survivor of Vietnam / WWII war husband veterans & late adolence trama, your explainations and assistance in perspectives is a priceless much needed lifetime salve to the wounds; and also You Tube videos are praiseworthy forever!

[@rebeccabyrne7670]

Professor Vaknin, You have provided me with a concept explaining my self-dissolution. What personality infiltrates us, and where does it come from? It is quite strange that I can not remember what my life was like before. Where does that person go?

[@elalquimistadelacultura2859]

Also age is very important in the efects of the trauma impact event.

[@chiliart8056]

Iv been true all of that.I needed year's to put myself together.Cat saved me not people no therapist a cat.

[@felixoupopote]

They're the best.

[@kellyclark6851]

You do seem so likeable and funny. Definately a charming and intelligent man.

[@theunpossiblefile]

Extreme sleep deprivation lasting months following SSRI’s that made everything worse. Weird that this is so seldom mentioned anywhere. Good ol’ fashion torture. Over and above insomnia.

[@orianam9835]

Sounds like a nightmare

[@socol76]

I have chronic insomnia too it truly is torture

[@rhodabean]

@@socol76do sleeping tablets work!

[@phorestpsy216]

I think this is me after covid. I been experiencing terrifying allergic symptoms from Mast Cell Activation for the last couple yerars, along with POTS. These symptoms may have bene present at a lower level previously, but they've gotten to the point where I never quite feel safe from anaphlyaxis. I was just explaining to someone how I almost identify with palestinians during the intiial bombardment running from trigger to trigger like were having to run from one place to another to avoid the bombardment. I may have had some cluster b or dark triad type traits but they are completely enhanced to the point where I feel I must have a personality disorder. I'm not distrubed by this as it feels necessary for my survival because other people don't appreciate the danger innocuous things can bring me, and when i ask nicely not to bring any fragrances around me as I have severe reactions they don't seem to remember. So I bloow up with rage on them and that doesn't usually work to well either. So I must cut people off and withdraw from family and friends.

[@Lp-vw1lf]

Great hair cut Professor!

[@Sues007]

It's worth being a this bad relationship if we can see your beautiful hair every day!

[@sallyfowler8411]

Your hair looks great Sam x

[@raederington1969]

your hair looks fabulous Dr S you usually do…..so i expected nothing less from you !🥰keep it up

[@BethDeVrieze]

Gosh! You are the best!😊

[@blondeshea12]

Interesting . One leads to the other . An event and then the fun begins goes on for years

[@maryrizzo4076]

Love the Hair!!!🥰

[@عبدالعليمرحمن]

Hello Sam, how are you? I’ve been trying to enroll in your classes has been very difficult as you always so busy but it’s so amazing how much you have opened my eyes to mental illness and acknowledge myself and lack in the mental illness. I am so grateful that I ran into someone like you because you have really open my eyes thank you so much Sam and I hope you’re doing fine. Love you buddy.

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

What classes?

[@dejdej63]

Appreciate your lectures a lot. They opened my eyes on myself, and my social surroundings. Though I wish them provided as sound only podcasts in order to save band width, and machine resources - mainly battery, processor, RAM, and graphics. Best regards...

[@nataschaari]

I wrote music the CEO of the American music academy praised and this man suppressed me and tore my life apart for seven excruciating years through a global blockade the entire pandemic the loss of everything it caused including my home marriage health every thing and through it all he kept saying I love you and refereeing the hope shifting the carrot and now I'm broken he uses silence though I need help he needs to fix what he broke because I can't do it alone

[@Snailsonthebeach]

Prof. Vaknin, in one of your old videos you had posed a question that ego's function is to test reality yet why it impairs reality via defense mechanisms. Is it because it wants to protect itself in the face of overwhelming reality? Thank you for making informative videos.

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

Defense mechanisms distort reality only in order to serve the ego functions. So, they never impair reality testing which is an ego function.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Well stated and very helpful. Thanks Sam

[@lillyanneliese]

I actually really like your voice:)

[@oritcroft6263]

What a lovely haircut 😅❤

[@ameliarodriguez8023]

You look Handsome with any haircut, I especially like your wonderful brain!

[@shellyannswaby7713]

No it’s not. It looks good on you tho. I listen to not become. I was just about to look what you are coming with today so I can make sense of my thoughts and boom! You did it again. Thanks Sam

[@aaaalltheway9805]

Thank you professor Very neat ❤

[@lalitalal008]

Thank you so much prof Sam 🙏🏻

[@shakirajameel8042]

Looking really good

[@mannoubouba9204]

i envy you your hair cut and i am a woman :D always good to hear your good jokes, makes my day :)

[@mthunzidhlamini8257]

Search the "Jokes" playlist on the main channel.

[@user-tz6jz2pl5t]

@@mthunzidhlamini8257 lol .... good one

[@blondeshea12]

I’m different that’s the thing I’ll Never be th same again I know that didn’t know how much . And I didn’t know it would continue so long I had to understand or try to .

[@catherinedunne1799]

Ipcase- ipcase. This is what my adoptive father would jokingly antagonize me and call me when I was small. Because they knew what they were doing. Cult.

[@MrComadreja666]

That haircut can fix any trauma, profesor! 😊

[@magicmoonmedicine]

Love the hair! 😂

[@critter_paws]

Sam, question not directly related to this video, but I'm curious if any of your material mentions YDCs (youth detention camps, "juvenile justice")? I've listened to hours and hours of your material while I've been working my own stuff out and I really appreciate you sharing your academic breakdowns and understanding of these topics.

[@africanqueenmo]

Yes love your haircut 😂

[@marysmith801]

I love your cut.

[@catherineo2134]

The haircut is very ‘youthing’ - Nice!

[@megford1069]

Is there anyway to discuss this with you? I have a similar experience. Too much to go into here. Thank you!

[@risong9872]

Hello Prof Vaknin

[@cynthiasarah4286]

Very handsome 😂

[@MeandMyself-r3i]

0:13 😂😂 thank you!!!

[@robynchristine6017]

lol... like the silver fox haircut :)

[@Freedom48288]

Can you tell if you might have epcace? Can it happen after 2 years of coercive control and after the perceived or real threat of being murdered daily either covertly or in a rage? Followed by another traumatic event for example, the abrupt knowledge that someone sexually assaulted the ‘victims’ toddlers (maybe a stranger broke in) only to find out it was the children’s father? And due to a ‘lack of evidence’ the father may gain all rights back to the children and he is still perceived as a good citizen, maybe one of a kind good?! But everything he shows to people outside te victims is actually a facade?

[@tam3044]

Sam, what therapeutic models would you propose, when a group is not an option?

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

Search the therapies playlist on my main channel.

[@Adam-xs3ng]

Dr Professor Sam Vaknin, I have searched the channel, I could not find a video on the subject of a Borderline in a relationship with another Borderline. Is this likely and would it last 10 years? Would marriage and children prolong the relationship before the explosive conclusion? Thank you.

[@mthunzidhlamini8257]

Search the Borderine Revisited Playlist on his main channel.

[@Adam-xs3ng]

@@mthunzidhlamini8257 thank you, found some useful information there.

[@orianam9835]

Children can prolong any dead relation. Rather parents using children to prolong something for god knows reasons

[@xochitl7489]

I like your spiky hair style 😅, this one is to normal

[@kubracenk8879]

Yes its been a year still want to die

[@margaretwhelan1475]

Far too good looking .😊

[@Sam-zv3je]

A cuter Jacques Lacan

[@nataschaari]

Help me please

[@jeansabiaga9053]

Handsome

[@JasonMomoa999]

I dont have trauma. I have love and sex appeal.

[@suzettewalsh2854]

Handsome sam

[@ZecZli]

I must disagree immediately - it's NOT the haircut, but a shirt. Long sleeves, plus black, in the summer. Hm, hm... 🤔 😄 And now, let's listen... 👍

[@alycewarr5332]

Are you saying IP case or EP case? The closed captioning varies. Thanks.

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

EPCACE.

[@michelleparsons5387]

What?? IPCASE??

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

EPCACE.

[@ashleyalicecullen]

Hair.

[@allanmeierjensen4925]

Biden. What hair?...you are out of here bye ..hey sam 👋🌞

[@andrewterry8092]

Real men over 60 are bald. Haha.