When You Grow Up Feeling Unloved and Unwanted Makes You Distrust Others Can Love You

#emotionalneglect #abandonmentissues #abandonment Learn about how the trauma of abandonment, causes the emotionally abandoned child to suffer life long effects of feeling unworth of a parent's love. Unhealed emotional trauma can cause you to become hypervigilant and perceive others as antagonistic, even when others are attempting to love you. Trauma can distort our perceptions and cause us to constrict and retreat rather than open up and accept and offer love.
Adult children of alcoholics as well as children of narcissistic parents, who experience neglect, and who have never learned to trust that they are worthy of love, compassion, or respect can perceive innocent remarks as threatening. In this KZbin video, you will learn about some of the consequences of growing up in a toxic home and how emotional neglect and abandonment, can result in pushing loved ones away.
If you struggle with CPTSD, and you tend to distrust others, and even those who you on some level know you should be able to trust, please know you're not crazy, you're wounded. You should also know, healing is possible.
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Thank you for watching When You Grow Up Feeling Unloved and Unwanted Makes You Distrust Others Can Love You
#childhoodtrauma #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #adultchildrenofalcoholics #toxicfamily #toxicparenting #codependencyrecovery #codependency #lisaaromano #innerchildhealing #innerchildwoundshealing #overcome #lifecoach #mentalhealth #selfhelp #selfhealers

[@stayhappylittlemermaid]

The heart isn't a toy. Give it to someone who deserves it not someone who plays with it.

[@brianb7869]

Perfection is not expected. Far from perfect is far less than desirable.

[@meri.dilkidhadkan]

I swear

[@transformation2424]

Its so disappointing that some of us have to live like that

[@hgzmatt]

unfair even, isn't it? we did nothing to deserve this

[@desire4liberation]

So true. When someone make an innocent remark My program takes it as an insult. Learning to not respond and just think. Then I get over that initial reaction and realize they meant no harm.

[@brianb7869]

I feel that too.

[@kimgordon3695]

"no matter what we do; if the person is wounded it may never be good enough" 21:40

[@kirstenenglish5525]

I am going through that same childhood trauma that you did but I didn’t have parents that were alcoholics. Mine is emotional trauma due to being bullied by my brother because my mom did not teach him love because she was bullied in her life. My dad was just cold hearted and was not there when needed. Thanks for this reading.

[@padme.india.essence]

i have a similar story, you are not alone❤

[@shelley9263]

I grew up with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde alcohol father. I cannot stand to be told what to do as an adult. I guess it reminds me of the complete control my father had over me. I also cannot stand confrontation, it just unnerves me. I had two children, Boys, and treated them the respect and love and still do. I didn’t repeat the past and am so glad. I’ve had many struggles but I’ve never mistreated my Children. Lisa, you are so right about the topics your cover. Thank You! ❤️🕊

[@Goldenheart2911]

Lisa hearing how well your daughter, son in law and granddaughter are thriving in their healthy and happy environment makes me so happy to hear and fills me with hope for my children's future as well. 💛 Praying that your brother can find peace and healing when he is ready. Lisa 🙏 God bless you all ❤️✨🕊️

[@kristelwalton3141]

I listen to you regularly to keep my mind focused on the truths you share and to celebrate the growth and recovery I have from listening to literally 100s of your videos (some repeatedly) over the past 3 years. Namaste.

[@onetwo234]

You literally have to repeat the videos to reprogram.

[@kimgordon3695]

💞

[@ppll7020]

I have been doing the same!!

[@carrieallen2047]

You are so good! I grew up with an alcoholic mom and a dad who did his best to give me extra attention but he had to support the family and keep his eye on my mother and enable her. He had a lot of guilt for introducing her to alcohol in their 40's. I was a late child so I went through the worst of it. My brother and sister were almost adults by this time. I always envied my couswhose mothers were so loving and attentive. My mother loved me but, she was always in her own world. If I had a friend over to spend the night I had to pray daddy could keep her out of sight. My best friends in the neighborhood knew. But, in the family we all knew but, we never talked about it. My sister the narcissist was home from college one night and Mama and daddy had gone to a n elks club dance and my mama was so drunk my dad was trying to carry her in and he dropped her head and she busted her scalp on the window. He got her in and laid her on the gold carpet. I woke up because she was crying and moaning and I saw my sister come in and start kicking my mother in her ribs hard. My dad had gone to get a towel. She stopped and my mama was crying to me baby please I didn't do anything wrong. I went and hugged her. We never talked about it but she did slow down some after that and they quit the elks club. But, anyway I have so many scars from the women in my life but, i never made good choices in men either. The only thing I was good at was being a mom and a nurse.

[@anonym3800]

I am easily triggered when someone wants me to do something at work. I feel that this person ist trying to control me. And if i am not good enough i Will be punished, abused and treated bad.

[@BroncLander]

I wasn't nurtured at all. My mother is so emotionally draining. Asks a question and argues the answer every time. She used to tell me nobody will ever love me. And not just a few times. All the time, because I couldn't sit still. This was in addition to letting her older sisters son sexually abuse my sister and I, repeatedly even after I asked for help. Now, in my older years, it turns out I have Autism. CPTSD, and very debilitating fibromyalgia. In childhood I kept asking for help because the pain in my body wouldn't let me sleep, and I kept asking to get out of PE class because running hurt so bad. But nobody listened. My mother and father completely ruined my life. And I finally am coming to grips with the notion that it's ok if I do not love them

[@michelleawe1899]

This is where I failed with my kids 😔 😪 I didn't see that until this video. 😭 I grew up with all kinds of bull crap and never realized I was emotional available as I should of been. Ty Lisa 💗 I sent this to my youngest son as he is like your brother. I'm a codependent

[@veracityhunter7777]

You can redeem yourself. The one thing I wish my mother would do? Admit that she was human, traumatized, clueless, confused, indoctrinated, and had no idea what she was doing. That she failed at making my well-being her passion. That she could have done better and wants to. As of right now. I would take her back if she did this. Letting your son know this, will bring y'all closer together and then maybe you can do the work together to heal. I commend you for admitting that you fail to your kids. That takes a lot of strength.

[@michelleawe1899]

@@veracityhunter7777 ty 😊 I Have several times , it doesn't matter or he doesn't want to hear it yet. Not sure what to do at this point. He says I was a good mom and that he thought I'd yell to much. I was surprised to say the least. This was just me being honest with myself and realizing weather or not he does. Thank you for the compassion and for your support and offering advice. I hope your Mom can do this for you someday. It takes a lot to get there. Give her time and forgive her because I bet she doesn't even realize. Most parents don't and sometimes won't Big hugs keep kicking azz ! Proud of you 👏 🥰 💛

[@veracityhunter7777]

@@michelleawe1899 To be honest with you? Mine is a lost cause. There are some people who are just too damaged to narcissistic for healing. I've accepted that about my mother, and created a podcast about it. My mother does not have the ability to admit that she is wrong, like you do. So, you and my mother are very different. Hopefully your son will accept your words and your good intentions within time. But I'm good. Honestly. I've let that part of my life go. Not everybody is capable of redemption like you are.

[@michelleawe1899]

@@veracityhunter7777 thank you 😊 God bless you sweetheart 💖 😘 in my best mama voice lol hugs

[@photographylover87]

Eh, even if you’re body-size meets our culture’s “standards,” someone, or multiple people will still find something wrong with it. I’m 35 and have been tiny all my life and I’ve come across men and women who’ve made nasty comments on my body; all the way from how unsightly the spider veins on my legs look to the size of my breasts (small) to the tiny size of my body overall. I’ve been called anorexic several times when I wasn’t intending to be. You can’t win with toxic people. Our culture is brutal to women. Ladies, you are ALL gorgeous.

[@johnjohnstone9805]

I remember a quote from my youth not sure who's "Seeing Well Is Living well" Could be Nathaniel Brandens as he was promoting Conscious Living at that time. I liked the idea but couldn't seem to walk the path worthy of being called conscious living. If i were to speak to my younger self i might paraphrase with "It's your wound's stupid" not to be abusive just to keep my mind focused, It's unbelievable how a wounded mind (in denial) can wander.

[@sarahbatsford4791]

Codependent, childhood wounds plus narcs through out life. So, thank god your channel popped up on my feed. I take my hat off to you❤

[@4NaturesStory]

Youngest of 6, with 5 brothers, I was raised pretty rough. I was abused, hit and drowned. My brother that did it all runs free. He’s a coward and won’t fight me when I turned 18 and was ready to whoops him. He’s never won a fight in his life. Always picked on me. I’m 35 now and still want to whoop his ass. I now live with extreme anger issue where I go blank when someone upsets me. I just have no fear and turn very primal. I feel like I’m 8 inside. In reality, I’m a 35yr old man now. I’ve also never lost a fight in my life, also never started one. Luckily it’s never got me into trouble, so I am controlling it. Just feel bad for some of the people I’ve fought. I put fear in them that they will never forget. Sad. Only hurt people hurt people. It’s true.

[@deborahfox4206]

You are so emotionally articulate.

[@redhead8777]

A narcissist will treat their pets as if they are "property." They might feed and water them, but they do not Bond (attend to/pet/love/play) with them in any meaningful way. Its a very valid clue - watch how a person treats their pet. They always treat them like a belonging and Maybe something to "service their ego" (status or emotional crutch occasionally) rather than a truly loved family member (daily)! The narcissist treatment will be no different for family or friends... I don't personally believe in junking (abandoning) people - that seems like an equally narcissistic reaction, to me. I'm trying to figure out what to do and how to react to or deal with these types of personalities. Grey rocking and Strong Boundaries seems to be the best solution I know. Everyone has these traits more or less. We cannot just throw each other away.

[@nancybartley4610]

Thank you for sharing this. I observed this in my mom and always wondered about it. It would be great if we all could share the little things we noticed and wondered about.

[@Nick-kf3io]

Brilliant video! It really resonated with me 👏

[@malizee2264]

Lisa, once again…THANK YOU!!!!❤❤❤

[@deborahfox4206]

I just love you Lisa. You have helped me clarify so much. Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤️🙏🏼

[@izawaniek2568]

I love this message❤ Thank you❤

[@deepti9127]

Thanks so much for explaining the way you have everything hits ❤

[@alexisyoung9484]

This video was awesome so much clarity and conformation and also a eye opener thank you

[@maymelden]

I needed this video.

[@lucybraun8969]

Letting go of what is seems to mean letting go of this house, even though I put so much time, money & labor into it, and there's so much time, more & labor required to sell it and move away. And there's no one to help me. I feel overwhelmed and burnt out. I've stayed silent for so long, and that seems to have benefitted me, but I'm fearful and I'll and broke and lonely. I really feel at the end of my rope. I try to stay positive. To work toward freedom. But I don't want to be a sitting duck.

[@bonniesazama4869]

Thank you so much for sharing you knowledge it helps me stay grounded in myself.

[@brianb7869]

Lisa is like the mother I never had even though she is more like a sister...

[@woonko3300]

just amazing. wanna listen to this everyday, wonderful.

[@g.jelli...]

Wow, I feel so bad for your brother. I hope he hears your message.

[@2KingsLA504]

Thank you lisa!!

[@CG-gp2gc]

Thank you!😇

[@mateovenovski625]

lisa thank u so much i cant express how much u have helped me... from finding the problem to self realization i grew up with narcissistic ego manicas and one thing i can tell yall for sure some of these people need they ass whooped and they need they ass whooped bad

[@stevendedeian7774]

Lisa, as much as we all enjoy your videos, we also enjoy watching your motions, mannerism while explaining contexts...and in general, would definitely rather view you in videos, instead of just listening to words. Also, I can only speak for myself I have extreme hearing damage and read lips a lot...so this also makes watching you better for my own understanding of what you're talking about..thank you...steve

[@nancybartley4610]

I really reacted to your absence as well. It bothered me the whole video and i kept thinking she will arrive and be there for us soon. I can understand there may good reasons for your absence. Sorry if this is not taking your needs into consideration. You have to do what is best for you.

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you Nancy 🤗 This was a recording for my podcast and I didn’t want the KZbin community to miss it🤗

[@g.jelli...]

@@lisaaromano1 Lisa, I'm so glad you decided to repeat the podcast here. This was amazingly helpful content, as always. I would hate to have missed it! 💜

[@bryantholbeck7456]

I have been getting really into your videos, and they have been helping me better understand myself. Would you please make a video focusing on how to properly raise a child, any advice on how not to teach codependence and instead develop a secure attachment? Thank you in advance advance for any help I greatly appreciate it! ☺️

[@farrahdegier3953]

Where/how did you start your path to healing trauma? What do you recommend? Therapy, books, listening to people like you, meditation? I feel overwhelmed. It's taken me 38 years to even be able to see that, there is another way to be living. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster since starting to try and heal my trauma.

[@lisaaromano1]

I would definitely read up on trauma and do meditations.

[@kelseyclark6111]

Try E.M.D.R ( eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. It was the first type of counseling, treatment, therapy, etc., that TRULY made logical, emotional, and spiritual, sense to me. And results much more more immediate and relieving than other methods (cbt, dbt, etc..)

[@kelseyclark6111]

Also, in conjunction with EMDR, try : T.R.E ( trauma releasing exercises) both methods are rather simple and can be built-upon and practiced independently, between sessions with your provider)

[@christineewing3492]

@@kelseyclark6111 Healing trauma needs to proceed slowly - not necessarily jumping straight into modalities like EMDR. I would suggest that Farrah could start with reading about trauma, as Lisa suggested. Then find a trauma-informed therapist.

[@conniecepaitis8257]

I did EMDR with my therapist & received complete healing from the trauma from my narcissistic mother...she has passed away but feel total forgiveness toward her & do not wrestle with this trauma anymore, it only took about 3-4 EMDR sessions.

[@Gigiyoungerme]

Thank you

[@theearnesttruth849]

Amazingly this resonates to a T for me! Wow. Please Lisa how did you learn to tamper the response of “this is not what is meant by what is being said right now!” to a calm and egoless filtered interpretation? This is the exact work and practice I’m desiring to apply!!! You are amazing! Thanks again for sharing this story. I feel like your brother cause I’ve been experiencing the hypersensitivity as well!!!

[@lisaaromano1]

It took time and research and applications of knowledge. Please check out my 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp

[@ppll7020]

My mom was the narc to the core, my dad was alcoholic and self absorbed. He cared only about himself. He cared he could smoke, drank, had sex, spent time with his siblings. He was a kid himself. I guess his brain was about 10 year old kid. We lived in the big family of my mom, they were all narcs. I was HSP and Empath. I had been abused physically emotionally psychologically throughout my childhood. I ended having depression, bipolar, borderline abs and anxiety at age 24. Now no contact. I'm still in therapy. I'm 48 you old. I'm a single mom. My ex was the pure narc. I have been listening to u. I have learned so much from u. By the way I'm from Thailand. ❤

[@yvettemoore1082]

Im an over reaction specialist . I have met the first good man of my life. We talked through the first time he faced my demon side, he was so kind, I told him though to not to let me get away with too much b.s... I'm at a stage that I am 3 years no contact with both my sisters and mother and I am 💯 aware of what I'm doing when I overreact these days and I thank Lisa and H.G Tudor for the past 6 or 7 years of giving me the gift of knowledge ♥️

[@lucybraun8969]

This narcissist is trying to get estate heirs to join in suing me so he can get away from me the house my mom bequeathed to me. Claiming attorney fees I don't owe the estate. Claiming work done on my house should be recovered when Decedent never said that, shoddy work was done that I had to redo because the house wasn't up to code. So, I'm torn about whether to stand up for myself & threaten embezzlement charges, which could prompt the filing of suit; stay quiet to not poke the bear, or sell the house and move. I'm trying to sell & move before he moves on the house and I then can't ever sell & move, but I don't want to move too quickly when it's possible some heirs may step in and say, "this is wrong." I don't want to overreact. Maybe outmanipulating the manipulator will delay any action, but he is sending heirs phony data on me behind my back.

[@melissabailey1]

Do you think it's possible that your parents neglected you the same way as your brother 15mos later, but lied blaming spoiling you as why they "eventually decided" to do the exact hard opposite? Maybe they guilt tripped you for why they were neglectful but actually were just neglectful all along since day 1 including your birth and infancy?

[@elhadjdiallo633]

Childhood trauma has affected and impacted I would billions lives in this universe !!! There are 7 or 8 billions people in this universe I'm so sure it has affected 2 or 3 billions people...people are dying due to the abuse and bullied that they have encountered during they lives time etc kids are dropping out of school due to the bullies etc.....I wish I can educated every living souls in this universe so that they can be on the right path bullies are wicked and dangerous...knowledge and education is the keys to transform people's lives

[@nunah7977]

It would be so much better if there were parenting classes that teach unconditional love and how to raise healthy happy children. It is so true that parents can destroy their children emotionally and a cycle can continue generation to generation till someone breaks that cycle. In my case I went to therapy and so did my children. It helped so much. I also found Jesus, the bible, Gods love and salvarion and that changed my life so very much for the better. Not perfect at all but transformed in many ways for the better. I realize that not everyone believes and that is just their way. There are other ways to find inner peace and love. As a Christian I pray you find Christ who forgives all that find Him and believe and teaches us how to forgive those that hurt us as well as ourselves for any guilt or bad feelings have. Salvarion so very important for eternal life and even if we just kept the 10 commandments the world would be a better place and we would love others as we love ourselves..but love God in spirit. Blessings . PS my mother was the monster and I never found out why she was like she was but I assume bad stuff happened in her life and made her who she was. I was able to set her free eventually by understanding she had the problems and not my fault.

[@lorihuffstutler700]

Preach! I`m gonna get off the nonsense bus!

[@kurt6410]

Could you speak about counter dependency and how it differs from codependency? There's tons of videos about codependency but very little about counter dependency

[@meetaitan]

Iv manifested you in my life n i know one day my inner self will manifest you face to face. M getting aware of my wounds.

[@cgp1442]

Yes ❤️

[@Ballpython77]

46 years old and unloved. my mother used me. all my ex had narcs patterns and i was married to a covert for 15 years. I decided to stay single for the rest of my life. it's all i ever wanted, a beautiful woman to love me back.... "I love women but women hates me." -Jeff 2024.

[@johnjohnstone9805]

I was interested in the statement co dependents (Narc victims) ALSO need outside validation. So I'm wondering could it be that they are two halves of a whole looking for completion in the other? Because not only is a person is capable of validating themselves but needs to to feel whole.

[@lauragadille3384]

Sounds like my narcissistic father towards me (her brother)

[@DanielaRosenrot]

Many parents should not be allowed to make babies in the first place, until they learn the nessesary skills for healthy and emotionally attuned parenting.

[@julianal.573]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💐

[@siz4sean]

Your brother's story matches mine, but how does one repair it? The parents have since passed away; but how do you make changes going forward so that the past doesn't affect how you go forward?

[@brianb7869]

I too feel this sentiment. I fear that fate will rip me apart like a pack of 20 million jackals.

[@lisaaromano1]

Hi Ricky, feel free to check out my on demand course www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp

[@siz4sean]

@@lisaaromano1 I very likely will, I'm reading about the course tight now! Thank you!

[@R0M4N313]

Similar background, broken family, but was sent to a cult rehab for 2 years instead of going to a high-school. Was told I was a drug addict at 15 yrs old and that I was THE problem. I smoked a few joints and had a few drunks and got sent away. Long story short, I started seeing a therapist over a year ago and have grown more in the last 12 months than the last 30 years. Mind, body, spirit...seek a teacher for each. Therapist for mind, coach for body, priest or whatever for spirit.. Don't ever stop growing, good luck to you👊

[@ginnylinn8224]

You are a beautiful woman.😊

[@lambchop6278]

Gees, your poor brother...😠🥺😞 ...At the same time, I'm also wary of feeling sorry for a person who behaves badly. My father likely had a similar sort of childhood to that of your brother. In fact I doubt he'd ever be open about his childhood at all: he just wouldn't. And yet, all the feeling sorry for him will never alter that he acts abusively, especially towards me, now. ...I'm not saying that feeling sorry for a Narcissistic person was the intention of this video. Just that I have learned so very much the hard way, to NEVER be open when it comes to my father. All he will do with this is take advantage. Also, whatever happened to him as a child in his family: I know, now more than ever, that he still everyday makes the choice to be a jerk; and that's all on him. So maybe such people do deserve some real pity for what they went through early in life.... But from a really safe distance. ...Again: not implying that this video was promoting feeling sorry or too open to Narcs. Just that I learned a very hard lesson that I never intend to forget.

[@hae-jungaliciakoh18]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@evonsoulos4218]

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💙💙💙💙

[@sarahcouture24]

That’s so sad and misguided… to hardly ever hold the baby :( so wrong

[@carlaa3623]

Your brother story is mine

[@dimitrisgonatas2264]

Sry for my English im Greeks

[@brianb7869]

I know all this, unfortunately. One of my many son's mama takes every chance to strike out instead of deal with her defective personality. Her fave (apparently): expect him to read my mind and thusly wait on me because I am supreme then shame and ridicule and mock when he does not perform adequately at that moment. Sick and wrong. Dong dong dong Oh and she tried to hire a hit man in a foreign country to take me out. Not the only time either. uff.

[@johnmaurer2035]

Foreign language for many people.

[@menotyou6254]

Being 56 and 150 pounds is not a substantial woman 56 is not tall and 150 pounds is not that big. Whether you had childhood trauma or not that comment was a border line, actually. I feel you have every right to bring this up to your so called perfect husband because whether you had trauma or not calling a woman a substantial woman whatever he said is it going to get him sex tonight or tomorrow night

[@dorijoe]

I much much prefer seeing Lisa talking than watching this fake stock footage. 😔

[@lisaaromano1]

Thank you Dori🤗 This recording is for my podcast🤗

[@magicja]

Cookie cutter get quick rich scheme where the author just wnats another like and another subscription so they can make more money. Sad!

[@djignatin4043]

I wish someone would show that emotional trauma effects neurology and body physiology.

[@DZ-bn6mt]

Do a search for Dr. Gabor Mate. He talks about this. Lots of KZbin vids and podcasts with him being interviewed. He has also written books.

[@djignatin4043]

@@DZ-bn6mt I know Dr. Mate very well. THANK YOU.

[@christineewing3492]

I suggest Irene Lyon, she is on KZbin. This is exactly what she deals with.

[@djignatin4043]

@@christineewing3492 I know her. Thank you.