Why an autism diagnosis is an invitation to finally be yourself | Ellie Middleton | TEDxShoreditch

Join Ellie Middleton as she takes you on her journey as a young girl with autism and ADHD and the difficulties she's faced along the way.
She discovers why she didn't fit in and why she felt the way she did.
She was unable to be her true, authentic self until getting her autism diagnosis
Discover what a medical diagnosis can do for you and your confidence, and discovering your purpose and sense of belonging. Ellie Middleton is an autistic and ADHD creator, speaker, writer and consultant. After a lifetime of feeling misunderstood, she was diagnosed with both Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD at the age of 24. Since then, she’s gone on to build an audience of over 300,000 people online, create the (un)masked community for neurodivergents, and work with global brands like The Independent, Google & LinkedIn to change the narrative on neurodiversity.
Ellie aims to shout about the positives that come with being neurodivergent, highlight the ways that society can better accommodate those of us with different brains, and help other undiagnosed neurodivergent people find the answers that they deserve. She is living proof that getting a diagnosis can change your life, change your outlook and allow you to reach your true potential - and thinks that is something that every neurodivergent person deserves. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@CatholicOnTheSpectrum]

Finding out I was neurodivergent was like turning on windshield wipers in a rainstorm.

[@thiasschricker8139]

Love this analogy.

[@wanderingpanic7429]

Me too. It's freed me of a prison society had unknowingly put on me.

[@SadieHartMusic]

t h i s

[@rapmamori4136]

Wonderful analogy❤

[@Clamjacob]

For me it’s like finding the right charger for my phone 📱

[@LilChuunosuke]

For the first decade of my life, I was told by everyone I looked up to that I was "choosing to make my own life more difficult" and that I was an attention seeker who needed to learn how to behave. After my mental health hit rock bottom in middle school and I almost put myself out of my misery, I spent the next decade accepting that I wasn't choosing to be this way, but that I simply "failed at existing." For over 20 years, I tied my sensory sensitivities, my inability to form meaningful bonds with anyone, including my own parents and brother, my difficulties communicating my thoughts in a way others understood, my chronic exhaustion, etc to this idea that I was born a failure and that my life would never feel joyful or meaningful because comfort and security were luxuries to rejects like myself. Learning I was autistic (and ADHD) was like lifting a weight off my shoulders that I never remembered putting on. I finally had answers. It wasn't my fault. It wasnt a choice, nor was I suffering some lifelong consequence of not being well behaved enough during early development. I finally knew why nobody wanted me around and it *FINALLY* wasn't something I had control over. Its not just me anymore. I have the language I need to help others understand me and to finally start demanding the accomodations I've been deprived of my entire life.

[@rainashroff11]

I am an AUDHD who has followed Ellie since she started her social media career. Ellie's content has helped me through my own autism and ADHD diagnosis journey. I gave my own TEDx talk on neurodiversity last week and a lot of Ellie's content has inspired me to speak out. Congrats Ellie!

[@chillwinstonuk]

Fabulous. Do you have a link to your talk?

[@jacquelyn_24]

What do I look up in order to watch your TedTalk video? I’m super intrigued!!

[@SoberOKMoments]

I'll be 80 in February. During the course of my long life I've successfully learned to like myself (after the age of 60) and to accept that I was different, and that being different was OK. God, after all, doesn't make junk. We are all valuable. But when I learned earlier THIS YEAR that I am autistic (Asperger's) - my entire life's struggles fell into place. I was/am so grateful to have this information that explains my many life choices, choices that often troubled my family. Well done on sharing your information so perfectly. Your story will help so many others. You truly are a star!

[@neridafarrer4633]

I only just got my diagnosis of AuDHD, otherwise known as ASD+ADHD. It was yesterday. I'm a 50 year old woman. I feel like I'm, finally, coming home to myself. I so relate to the "you're not broken, your Autistic" sentiment. So great to shrug all that judgement, self judgement and sense of being unacceptable and marginalized aside! Thank you Ellie. Good talk😊.

[@bethroot8443]

Getting an ADHD diagnosis at 65 was a game changer. After years of wondering why things that came easily to others were so hard. And exhausting to me, I was overjoyed to find that I wasn’t broken, my mind just works differently and always will.

[@Miss.EThomas]

I’m literally crying my eyes out right now. That was so perfectly put. I was late diagnosed with autism at 26. So yeah, I feel you, Ellie. Thank you so much for that. P.S. I love your outfit! ❤❤❤

[@Meg.Nagy.Design]

I’m crying too ❤ I had my ADHD diagnosis a few months ago also aged 26. Good luck with your journey xxxx

[@constance4485]

I also cried but could not stop crying. She said so much that resonated with my heart...so many words or phrases that I would say and still do. My eyes became wide and then filled with tears. The comment about dealing with the trauma after being diagnosed touched me so much as I sat and cried like I was in a psch office. So many emotions and feelings started to bubble up to the point where I had to stop watching for a bit. I felt like she was me and I was her in sooooo many ways. I am trying to get diagnosed.

[@bgvideo100]

I keep having to pause the video in disbelief -- hearing my internal dialogue aloud. Today my therapist offered that I might share traits with people on The Spectrum and I feel so seen... at 44 years old.

[@murtazaarif6507]

A computer program is a good example for explaining how our brains are wired differently than neurotypicals. I can relate to a lot of what she says. I have a CV full of jobs i have not been able to hold onto and people laugh at me instead of my jokes. I am now receiving disabity benefits for my depression which i didnt recover from for many years. However the system is begining to understand us. I am receiving support for overcoming my social anxiety through courses on how to communicate and personal development.

[@frankieleoh]

Thank you for giving us all the permission to be ourselves, Ellie! I'm also a late-diagnosis autistic girl and I can assure you being diagnosed finally allowed me to breathe and realize that there was "nothing wrong with me" - I was simply wired differently. Keep on inspiring the world, Ellie!

[@callumtravers7512]

The windows and apple analogy was so perfect that i got chills listening to it. Im in the middle of my diagnosis at the age of 20 and it’s the hardest yet the most beautiful thing i’ve ever had to go through. SERIOUSLY, THANKYOU for sharing.

[@Jenna.g.85]

What you said about thinking that you’re saying things clearly but no one seems to understand totally resonates with me. Got my ASD diagnosis earlier this year. Well done Ellie

[@plllavender]

"you're not broken" really healed my heart

[@hannahk.summerville5908]

So relatable it made me cry. 33 and still fighting. To be diagnosed. To be taken seriously. Thank you.

[@TraceyHenderson-ys2iq]

I just found out at 51. I’m unsure I’d describe ADHD as a disability though as Ellie does.

[@lanamaceachern3097]

Thank you for sharing your experience and giving a public voice to things many of us can relate to. I realized I was autistic at 47, and was formally diagnosed autistic + ADHD two weeks before my 48th birthday. That was two months ago. After so many years of heavy masking, I'd lost sight of what 'myself' looked like. I'm gradually rediscovering that now.

[@thedoublek4816]

I (m/27) am currently going through this, constantly asking myself, where have I been all the time along and who was the person formerly being in control of my body and thoughts? It's almost as if I haven't ever been living properly. Now everything comes nicely together, now I can finally see things previously hidden from my comprehension and understand them for the first time, but it still hurts - why didn't anybody tell me much earlier about it? Was I really "too normal" to be seen? Was I really masking like a champ, having not enough problems to raise any concerns? I have so much regret, shame and self-hate in me and now even more anxiety or even downright fear of what is still to come.

[@megynschweitzer9827]

Brought me to tears Ellie, so so affirming to hear about your experience and I am so ecstatic you are getting a platform for change. Thanks for sharing!

[@rlk54]

True, I got diagnosed aged 67 and just think myself to be a true eccentric, not a fake one.

[@JoeE-eg6ys]

What a courageous and strong young lady. Flying the ADHD flag strong with pride.

[@tsf637]

I love it! I’m a 65 year old grandma and finally know why I’m different! I’m on the autism spectrum

[@CG-ic2zl]

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until aged 26 and now at the age of 29 am about to have an autism assessment. Watching this made me feel so seen. I have been having so many lightbulb moments since realizing I was neurodivergent. Thank you so much for this.

[@CB19087]

I knew i was different and I felt the consequences of exclusion. I did not realise that I had been assuming i knew what other people were thinking and feeling or why i got accused of being "self righteous". I do now realise that I do not understand people's body language or facial expressions. Because of trauma I had learnt that a happy face, was a safe face (fyi it is not! Many manipulative people are good at pretending.) And all other facial expressions meant people were annoyed with me. So i made assumptions about many people based on my survival of assuming. Now i just stopped trying to get people to "like" me. I'm still surprised when someone says they enjoy my company, especially when their face "looks" annoyed 😂😂

[@jamesedmonds7519]

33 years old and awaiting the results of my autism assessment. I cannot wait!

[@rossfitzgerald7356]

Wow, well done to her. That very brave, and very articulate. I’m in tears (I’m not a crier). She told the story of my life.

[@sistahsunshine]

The best Ted talk ever. 🙏🏼🌈 You just put my life into words. Thank you for being open and giving the rest of us words to fill the void.

[@toni5543]

I'm 27 going through the process now. Getting this diagnosis and being able to accommodate myself and get help are the only thing that's keeping me holding on some days. Thanks for the wonderful talk Ellie.

[@themastrelmatadordelmar544]

Watching this video there is just one thing I wanted more then anything, The applause. That woman right there deserves every bit of it. Beautifully said in an easy to understand talk. Finally someone who speaks my language. No need to ask anyone what was meant with the talk and what important was. Just really great :)

[@thatboyphil]

This was the best introduction I’ve seen. The constant contradictions were perfect and made the whole thing completely relatable. Would love to see her do another talk on how to win with ADHD+Autism.

[@nuthatch_gaming]

I can totally relate to Ellie's experience, although I only have ADHD PI. The constant struggle to fit in and "act as the rest of the society" is definitely a debilitating and exhausting experience.

[@charlierewilding]

Tears in my eyes watching this Elle! Well done! ❤

[@daveyhawkins8285]

Have just finished your book. I got diagnosed last year at 47. Work as a paramedic. Now I get why I’ve felt so different. Your book really helped me. Thank you so much for being out there

[@ForgetfulHatter]

A Mac trying to run windows programs 😢 that's so good I felt like crying...

[@AnnaCecilia95]

Ellie, I admire you so much! I hope that one day I can be so open and self-accepting about my ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 17, which meant I can relate to so many of your 'Why' questions. I am pretty sure I don't have Autism, but then - the two are so similar aren't they! It's all a Spectrum I think, and enjoy learning about Neurodiversity everg day.❤

[@benmacl]

I was diagnosed when I was young around 6ish. Now 30, I've been resistant it. You tell me I'm different, I hear your "less". Still hard to accept or acknowledge. I go into problem solving mode to come up with ways to cover/improve.

[@tylerallen6995]

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 39. After treatments and coping mechanisms didn't seem to help, I kept searching. Then, kind of the same, I stumbled upon autism. Then I learned more. Things started to make sense. I found so many others who struggle with the same symptoms. Everything from my past just clicked. I had a massive aha moment. While it all makes sense now, it still sucks. Symptoms are frustrating. I wonder how many opportunities I've missed. But at 43, I'm self diagnosed, wondering if it's even worth a formal diagnosis. But at least I know everything I felt and thought an how I functioned wasn't normal.

[@hollieverafter]

Thank you so much for this. I felt like you were explaining me to myself the whole time.

[@dthed11ms]

I love your comment ❤️

[@flooferwoofenschnizz3858]

I am currently seeking evaluation and diagnosis. Hearing this was some what like hearing my own story....Thank you so much for this.💛💛💯

[@BigEarRadio]

Brilliant, a really useful account of living with autism, a lot of people will be helped a great by what they can learn from you excellent presentation. Nice job!

[@Spooniesquared]

I relate so much to this!

[@tylercrawford616]

YOOOO!! I can't believe this is the same friend I was on Koh Rong with! I am SO PROUD OF YOU, ELLIE!! 💙

[@macstaff]

Thanks Ellie, for your insights! I will be sharing with my daughters :)

[@rosetintedhaze1360]

What a lovely and brave presentation. 🎉

[@arielderuvolion]

I loved this video. I deeply relate. Thank you Ellie!

[@faeriesmak]

24 is a pretty early diagnosis. I didn’t figure it out until 48..my Mom at 73.

[@mariaksv]

I'm sobbing

[@elainegibson320]

Yea we be who we are then friends, family always tell us outright or infer there is something wrong with us for how we are.

[@micheals1992]

Autism is like living the film Gattaca.

[@Danderman888]

I started being able to speak complex multisyllabic words before I was about 10 months old; my earliest clear memories go back even further. I was diagnosed with grand mal seizures, but they could never determine the cause, and later in life I realised I also suffered from petit mal seizures but was not diagnosed because the adults around me never recognised the events. I understood complex abstract concepts before I could read, yet I felt like a dolt because I couldn't function socially, even compared to children younger than I was. I craved the company of my peers, wanting to go to parties, kindergarten, the airport to look at aeroplanes, but always ended up in screaming fits when I hit to the destination. I tried to fit in by playing jokes like pulling the chair from somebody when they were trying to sit on it, which I'd seen on the tv, but instead of getting laughs, I was sent to bed without dinner after a sound wacking. I laid in bed awake that whole night wondering what I'd done wrong! I eventually learned not to initiate socially, instead, I spent many hours around adults, simply observing. Perhaps that's why I became the proverbial god child, one who's seen but not heard. I learned to do things on my own, like observing colonies of ants, creating my own toys, later, doing s that I could do on my own, like cycling, playing table tennis against the wall, learning to play the piano and violin... but eventual also got into trouble with those, because it was inevitable that some social element would start to crop into those me only activities. This continued right into my adulthood, where I did things better than others around me, but in place of praise, I got shunned and criticised instead. Only after my heart attack at the age of 50, when I was forced to slow down and find things to do on my smart phone to satisfy my ever curious and active mind, did I stumble on research material on neorodiversity syndromes, after I did several test for self diagnosis. That's when I put two and two together and realised I'm on the spectrum. That is, with alot of revisiting of my past. It answered alot of questions, but I'm not sure it was so much a relieve as to confirm my suspicions that I've been more right all this time about things instead of most people around me. This, unfortunately, has meant I'm less willing to share my thoughts and ideas not because of being selfish but because I now feel it is all just exercises in futility.

[@kermit4161]

Nice TEDx talk…❤

[@user-qd8jo1nb6m]

its exactly that 100%

[@stesj4]

Me too ❤

[@n6663]

Can confirm that these experiences are not limited to "women, girls, and people marginalised for their gender."

[@Bergstromoliver]

Just Be Yourself.

[@zeromonster3381]

Thanks. You are so cool. I say this everyday at the end of the day: I survived another day.

[@theartyone]

❤

[@elainegibson320]

God so sad and sums up my whole experience also

[@user-sn8qm1vb6s]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@rebeccahare897]

I know Ellie needed to explain it to the Neurotypicals but I'm pretty sure that we're Linux, not Macs... 😂

[@aloalo3727]

This describes my life almost to A T!!!

[@henrik.norberg]

OMG how Ellie was stressed out! That really stressed me too, as a 50 yo male autistic. I do lectures and write books about autism (only in Swedish so far, English translation will probably come in 2024 after a 7 year long burnout period).i have a superpower for not getting stressed on stage, I don't give a damn about what others think, I only aim to please myself. I got diagnosed at the age of 40 so I do know how it is to try to change something most of your life that is not possible. Next Wednesday I hold my first lecture in almost 5 years, for a psychology department in a hospital.

[@MrAndywills]

I often described myself as a Mac in a PC world

[@user-io3cc6wk1z]

I am autistic but no one believe that I am autistic.

[@MaryKDayPetrano]

I have found that always being far more tired than everyone else throughout my lifetime is one of the most ignored characteristics of being Autistic. The U.S. Social Security Administration ALJs almost appear to be instructed to ingore that characteristic, and is almost always very material in their denial of Autism disability claims. They also ignore the fact that Autism "onset" is on or before the age of 22 in denying SSDI claims. They are sitting ducks for a gender discrimination claim in Federal Court for having these male-biased Social Security criteria they follow, that result in denial of far too many girl's and women's Autism disability claims. They don't get any of this about being Autistic, but the very worst part of it is when they ignore how tired, fatigued, and shutdown you get because you're Autistic and on that basis rule that "you can work."

[@user-hl1ct3yh1r]

Mental disorders are a way for our minds to cope with certain circumstances. I think I developed this disorder as a way to cope with the world and society. In this sense, I was never the problem. All I have to do now is embrace myself and my full being. There’s certain rules in place to function in the world, and I suppose I have to adjust to them to the best of my ability.

[@MaryKDayPetrano]

Unfortunetely, the State and Federal court systems of California and Florida CONDITION access to their courts on an Autistic person NOT being who and what we are - the access to their courts is CONDITIONED on BEING indistinguishably Neurotypical. And THAT'S HOW IT IS.

[@jess.singswithleaves6]

She mentioned women, girls, and people marginalized for their gender, but what was missing was persons of color. Please be aware that hiding who you are can be absolutely essential to stay safe around police and family who socially may be even more restrictive for cultural norms or the desire to compensate and function in an equal playing field. Also, people who are LGBTQIA+ need to mask more as well. This is exhausting and every layer of non-white non-heteronormative or trans experience makes it even more difficult to function in a world not designed for us.

[@M2Mil7er]

Thank you. Even as a white man in his 50s who has, after hundreds of hours of research, realised he has lived with ADHD and ASD his whole life, slipping through the net of misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis, survivng half a century of invalidation though masking, I find some things said here exclusionary. But at the same time, I loved Ellie giving her account and am grateful for this video.

[@madeleiner559]

Its great. I don't see it through a disability lens, but I think that's just a personal perception choice and ok to do so. This is a wonderful video

[@cf90028]

Geee if only there was a respectable, developmental intervention based on multiple intelligences and developmental literature to help people understand how the social world works, almost like something to help them ….. think socially without changing who they are ……oh wait.

[@sewathome]

why is this so passive agressive 😂

[@michelletang4149]

Such a privileged comment.

[@cf90028]

@@michelletang4149 such a clueless and pointless response

[@EllaChinois]

I think I am a Linux surrounded by Windows and Macs

[@krugerfuchs]

We are different not disabled

[@pasqueeni8466]

we are different AND disabled; both can be true at the same time

[@nio804]

When it comes to autism and other similar neurodivergencies, I favour the viewpoint that it's the environment that disables the person rather than autism itself; in an accommodating environment, it stops being a disability.

[@blahbleeblahboo]

Yeah, no. My Autism is definitely a disability. That doesn’t negate the wonderful aspects, but it is a disability and it requires accommodations for me to thrive, let alone survive. This is forced positivity Autism-parent speak and it harms people.

[@purepeter4737]

No love for the men with autism ? 😢

[@brandonagil6028]

Why does it always have to be about gender…

[@schnitzelschnizel9448]

Please do not smack into the microphone!!!!! You are not alone. Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior of your life and repent of your sins to him. My mind never shuts off at night neither. Because of smacking you probably have Sleep Apnea, too!

[@Ottophil]

Smacking ?

[@Davesintheweek]

Put all the woke wash nonsense to one side some elements of her book are useful but word of warning…must be read in conjunction with more broader and deeper research and insights.

[@tlrlml]

Actually Autistic... and not buying!

[@SadieHartMusic]

I love this so much! Trying so hard to get an assessment here in the US ❤‍🩹

[@Ottophil]

My therapist thought i was asking for drugs. I said no. Been self medicating for 30 years, just looking for why. Id love to stop

[@samk4801]

Wow. This really rang true! I'm 68, male, and was diagnosed with ADHD about 35 years ago. That definitely helped me understand myself and my life, and so did the Adderall. But there were always "disclaimers", like ODD, OCD, narcissism, etc that didn't quite fit the ADHD dx. VOILA! Asperger's! And for the first time in my life EVERYTHING made sense. All the difficulties I had early on in life that have persisted to this day. All the leery looks from supervisors over what I was going to say next. The same look from friends. And partners. And the profound sense that no matter what I did I just never fit in; I was always just too "intense". So for me...I came back to an old Bette Midler song, "My One True Friend". When I first heard that the song was written about/for herself, I thought it was just some new age nonsense. But when it's all said and done, I realized that I had been my one true friend all along, despite all the disappointments and bullying I'd endured for being different. And it brought me great comfort. I am, for the first time ever, at peace with myself.