Why Are Studs So Damn Toxic?

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[@evamassey2068]

Also can we end the hatred against stud/stud or butch/butch relationships?? Like wtf are we homophobic against ourselves now?? On another note, you've been coming out with all the hard truths lately and I love it 🔥

[@ladyredl3210]

I'm here for any and all pairings! Studs and butches should be able to date whoever.

[@sAMiAm1]

Facts. It’s crazy.

[@TheModernAlchemix]

Word, all this petty shit gotta end ♥️

[@VaporRize08]

I don't date studs. My preference is femme women and I'm femme. So I don't think anybody should have issues with butch/butch love. There's little issue with femme/femme.

[@ladyredl3210]

@@VaporRize08 agree. Although I'll never not date someone because of butches/stems identify.

[@ViktoriaLove93]

I was on a date with a femme once (I'm femme myself) and when I mentioned I thought someone (forget who it was, but was referring to a butch lesbian) was hot, the date gets the most repulsed look on her face and goes...."Ummmm, I'm a LeSssbiAn.....which means I like......wOmeNnn." Did NOT go on a second date, lol. So yes, toxic femme drag, please and thank you.

[@conradkorbol]

I am a man so I can’t speak for lesbians, but I find that toxic femininity job in straight culture is to perpetuate toxic masculinity. I have heard more women tell me what it means to be a man then I have heard men tell. Toxic masculinity tends to police femininity in straight culture. So I notice that in straight culture the toxicity is to enforce gender normative behavior. It sounds like maybe that’s the same with lesbian culture? Although maybe gender normative is the wrong language. I am trying to translate it for myself to the closest approximate to my experience. I know nothing is one for one.

[@pythonjava6228]

Conrad Korbol I think that's true for straight culture. I've seen _both_ men and women say a man has to perform a specific kind of masculinity to be a "real" man. And men who are masculine tend to have this mentality that it makes them superior to men and women that perform femininity. That mentality is reinforced by both genders.

[@ViktoriaLove93]

@@conradkorbol I agree that with hetero culture, toxic femininity and toxic masculinity are two sides of the same coin that reinforce one another. Interestingly enough, I think it is a little different within lesbian culture. The stigma is that butch/femme relationships are reinforcing gender stereotypes and attempting to immitate hetero gender roles. In response to this stigma and as a way of challenging the notion that homosexual relationships among women simply cannot exist unless one of them is a "man" (i.e. the masculine presenting one) and that the femme might as well date a man since they are just roleplaying anyways, I've noticed a growing push towards femme/femme relationships as a way to justify the lesbian experience. The problem with this is that it ALSO reinforces gender normative stereotypes by claiming that women can only present themselves in a certain way in order to be real women, despite that its intention is to challenge gender stereotypes.

[@RJ-hm3vr]

Aww man, thats so messed up. I'm a mix of feminine and masculine but I prefer women more feminine than me. There's alot of toxicity with some femmes when it comes to butch lesbians or even lesbians that aren't hyperfemme, basically seeing them as "lesser than". Its just a different style, if youre not into it thats totally fine but what the fuck does that have to do with being a woman?. Ive also seen alot of racism in femmes, having experienced it myself as im Latina

[@gwencere9383]

​@@conradkorbol The whole height thing in straight girls is super weird.

[@pythonjava6228]

I think the toxic masculinity convo is necessary for anyone who makes masculinity part of their expression or identity. I've seen a lot of stud lesbians who are very condescending and harass more feminine presenting women. I've witnessed trans guys be very misogynistic to cis women. I'm not in these groups myself but I'm a masculine presenting woman who has previously looked down on more feminine girls. It's an internalised idea that masculinity is superior. That's a big issue

[@AJDwatching]

well said!

[@artchick07]

I've had many issues with masculine presenting folk not recognizing their role in toxic masculinity.

[@quoteme.goddess6957]

Very well said.

[@Slim_Hodge]

@Kat i get it. I dont even blame you. I may "look" like a stud but i honestly dont even identify as that...My mother gave me a name and that's my identity lol I have the same gripe against bisexuals not being able to be myself around them but...big BUT im in a relationship with a bisexual femme for almost 3 years and I KNOW* I've found the right one for me lol. Date who best suits you...at the end of the day the clothes come off n we all women.

[@corvidox9137]

Great point!

[@mazvitaselemani]

I don't get why studs treat women the way studs themselves would not want to be treated by men. Being a woman doesn't not give you the right to cat call other women or to objectify other women. Studs need to know extremely counterintuitive all that is cause honey at the end of the day the system is still gonna treat you like a black woman. We on the same boat chile😅😅

[@DvineWakandandian_Warrior]

Mazvita Selemani lol society doesn’t treat us the same. Trust and believe we have nigga issues 😭

[@bxfbbxcbxc5328]

I wish a stud cat called me. Only men cat call me, and it pisses me off.

[@kuunami]

A lot of straight women believe this too. That being a woman gives them the right to abuse men. It's because of "identity politics" "because I'm a member of this supposedly oppressed group I can treat people how ever I want and still be the victim." So they end up behaving worse than their supposed oppressors and feel justified even if the other person treated them well.

[@darknight2354]

@- you're making it sound like women can't do no wrong and that they're all just "pure" and "wholesome" NO, some women are actually fucking abusive and disgusting but for some reason it doesn't get the same backlash compared to how a man would

[@lord_xylozdoomsday959]

@@darknight2354 everyone sucks

[@Juhsentuh]

I’m stud but a stud in cursive. -Jade 2020

[@destineypinkflower]

Put it on a 👕

[@ELmayberry]

almond milk stud

[@spazzt.v.2564]

Son that’s shit had me ☠️🤣🤣🤣

[@soso-mx8nb]

Lmaoo I'm stealing this.

[@user-gk2sc4ky4i]

"And about sports bra culture" i had to yell shut up 1 min in bc im already being attacked lmao

[@user-gk2sc4ky4i]

wheres the links btw i do want to read though

[@ashleysolantro4611]

LMFAO 🤣 same omg

[@ELmayberry]

@inSherlock same

[@zenzibell]

Doberman. Energy. Dead. 💀 And I'm stealing.

[@saramichelle6070]

Right!? Sis had me laughing!

[@natalieknight8695]

😆

[@janeeharris5015]

"You can be as feminine as you want, and still perpetuate toxic masculinity by disguising it as a preference... and try to maintain hetero normative and patriarchy, WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! " mmmhmmm C'mon with a word, Jade!

[@NallahBrown]

Hello!! She better preach!

[@i_cxndy0714]

It's real talk🤞🏽💯👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@AnimeAngel115]

On a side note, I would love a Jade's Best Stud Jokes complication 😂

[@iamjadefox]

*clicks pen*

[@Only_eros449]

Issa Multifandomed same😂

[@adriennewatson8144]

This should totally be a thing please

[@tiramisubabe7055]

My exact thoughts when I saw the title🤣

[@emoryrubyg9631]

Yesss! This!

[@pythonjava6228]

Stud with almond milk 😂

[@ritamarie8018]

😂😂😂

[@chexyface13]

Stud in cursive 😂😂😂

[@smilealwaysnatasha3423]

Lol I was like why does that make sense haha

[@_SkyeLer]

😂😂😂😂

[@Rayraykad]

Lol cannot wait for the femme version. This was a very nice discussion

[@artisticlaughter1993]

I think masculinity is so soaked in toxicity that it’s almost impossible to embrace your masculine side without embracing the toxicity that comes along with it. I think once we break down the original foundation of what masculinity is and than rebuild it, so that it can INCLUDE healthy ways of maneuvering we will see a big change all the way around. Thanks for this conversation Jade, I’ve been a fan for a very long time. You’re incredible! ❤️

[@iamsiimply_tye]

This comment! 💕 Very well stated. I agree:)

[@ajujuadoidoi]

Yes. YES. Exactly! Thank you for this comment!

[@artisticlaughter1993]

Frieda Livery Always❤️❤️

[@TheLunablackheart]

I think that people think that masculinity is all this toxic shit, but really they're just adopting toxic masculinity, not masculinity. Eg toxic masculinity is talking about women in a dehumanising and derogatory way that objectifies them. AS WELL AS talking down on all femininity as if it's something weak and stupid. Getting into a relationship and enforcing gender roles. Repressing emotions and replacing it with gruffness. -- the people who adopt traits like this aren't adopting masculinity but rather toxic masculinity. I'm more masculine then feminine in some ways - fashion and voice - but I'm one of the biggest feminists I know and I encourage and celebrate all girls and women and the entire gender expression spectrum - from very feminine, to very masculine, and all in between.

[@s.stasiaa]

This is so well stated. 👏🏾

[@JekyllJester]

I would also like to add how classism could play a potential factor. From my experience, most studs who possess more toxic traits tend to come from working/lower class background compared to studs I've met from more upper class backgrounds. I feel like when coming from underprivileged background, you're more vulnerable to misogynoir, thus finding either liberation or shielding through the appropriation of more "masculine" traits to protect and uplift oneself. Even its toxic ones.

[@FluorescentRebel]

Yes. People subconsciously still see the rhetoric of Male White Supremacy as the ultimate place. What's better than a black woman with dark skin? A light skinned woman with curly hair. Or just a white woman. And slap on curves because she has to be appealing to the senses. Then make the stud macho as hell... it's a whole mess.

[@disse9981]

I completely agree, class is a big factor people forget, which goes hand in hand with location/environment factor that Jade touched on.

[@essflem]

I wonder if the toxic masculinity just looks different in ppl from different socioeconomic backgrounds

[@sirenthomas4595]

yassssssss the studs from the hood are more "diet men" than suburban raised ones but ofen with them they like their male counterparts only date non bw so theres that....i thank God im open to dating all races

[@TheNial120]

PLEASE DO TOXIC FEMS PLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEE!

[@TheNial120]

@Allison C i guess you could call me a stem with cursive lol. But my last gf expected meto just be this overly masculine thing and it's like GIRL..... I'm a GIRLLLLLLLLL lol

[@prudence8277]

@@TheNial120 same but im a stud

[@lalaishappyyy]

Nia Amani You can be a girl but also being masculine??? You don’t have to shame the girl for what she likes. She clearly happens to like masculine girls and you aren’t it, get over it.

[@ChandraBabyface]

@@lalaishappyyy She ain't shaming her tho. She's just the girl tries to force her into something she not.

[@kaylalangston2781]

She’s really preaching on the expression some of us studs take in to be accepted in certain spaces around black men. I’ve notice that since I came out in HS and start dressing like my true self. PLUS a lot of black men, will treat you weird and cast you out as an “other” because you don’t adopt this type of toxic masculinity/“play the role” with them because you’re a stud. Since I dress masculine but I’m very balanced with my femininity and masculinity, but I don’t agree with a lot of things black men say when comfortable around. They’ll then treat me weird BECAUSE I won’t “act” like them. PLUS there’s ALOT of fems who in my opinion push this narrative on us. Too many want us to have this tough guy persona like we’re not WOMEN TOO. Most say they are “attracted” to studs but they’re really attracted to the studs who display a certain persona inside of individuality.

[@kaylalangston2781]

*comfortable around me.

[@kaylalangston2781]

*instead

[@melodrama1401]

Hella Facts

[@sAMiAm1]

Facts. I’ve had men say something like “you acting like a girl”....I be like I am a girl and they go “you know what I mean”....um no sir I don’t.

[@saramichelle6070]

I agree with what you're saying, but I LOVE a balanced female...I am attracted to masculine women but WOMEN....if that makes sense?

[@pinkcashmeres]

The way Jade been eating up the girls lately.....lord 😭

[@myrilunalee9999]

YO!!! This was a WHOLE new perspective that I didn't think about; that escaping from the cultural role of black womanhood (aka, "the culturally oppressed ones") could be a reason for a stud embracing toxic masculinity. That... wow....

[@Risse3223]

“Whatchyall really want” DMX voice TOOK ME OUT! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@skinnyminnieog]

I swear🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@TheLeslieMichelle]

Some studs see femininity as a weakness and equate masculinity with strength. Some would rather take on masculine roles to show their dominance, and it is a regional thing. On the East coast, studs want to be taken seriously and accepted, not just by women, but by men too (who may still see them as being women regardless how studs present themselves).

[@NallahBrown]

"Y'all get together & try to maintain this heteronormativity and this patriarchy which doesn't make any sense girllll because you don't benefit from it." 🗣 SPEAKKKK

[@raneslowly]

💯💯💯

[@popcorn1304]

Please do a femme version of this. I'm ready to get dragged! Edit: I'm looking to get into these links you were talking about. This was a great video topic.

[@nicolemcqueen4338]

I was just telling the last femme I talked to that she didn’t know how to apologize lol like legit would do and say disrespectful shit and then say everything BUT “I’m sorry” smh

[@emmanuelaadebisi5743]

Same!! Aha

[@jadegemsss]

Ooooh yeah, I want to see what behaviors we as femmes need to work out.

[@lalaishappyyy]

Nicole McQueen Good for you, you met a bad person that happened to be femme? But the way you’re taking it and trying to use it to say that all femmes have issues is fucking stupid.

[@ReptilianTeaDrinker]

Yeah, as a femme myself, same. lol Like, some femmes can be just as toxic as masc presenting sapphics.

[@ladyl334]

I have been thinking about this for the past few days after seeing a lot of headlines and videos about studs abusing their partners and worse. The toxic masculinity comes with the obsession and possessiveness and entitlement that soooo many men act like they have. So we see all of these situations of literal physical abuse and worse but a lot of people don't take it seriously because it's two women. Now flip this to abusive femmes and you have the toxic masculinity they uphold because they want their partners to be "tough." And also physical, mental, and emotional abuse from femmes to studs but in those situations people forget that studs are women too and act like they are supposed to be tough and take it. Which is not the best line of thinking in heterosexual relationships either! Bottom line is keep ya hands off people and be nice and if you can't be nice be mean and toxic by your lonesome!

[@bendemare5270]

You preach😌.

[@elibuledi5152]

Fun fact Butch and fem as words came from black lesbians too.Chapter one in the book "we can't have nice things"

[@KjHodge]

Not surprised! By Who?

[@ELmayberry]

really

[@user-mb9nm7bq5e]

I both do and don’t believe you. Source?

[@Noodles4Anime]

And yet they are still people in the black community saying bullshit like "LGBT+ is just a white thing pushed onto black people to ruin us." Sigh.. 🙄

[@toxoplasmagondi]

@@Noodles4Anime that's so funny bc lgbt+ black ppl have (as far as i know, and i don't know much tbh) contributed to the community way more than white ppl.

[@Beautyishername82]

I’m bi I’ve been left out of the conversation so I’m not even sure if this comment will stand. However what I can say is when speaking of toxicity period we must recognize the mainstream programming that’s been running in the minds of those who are lost. This is the main issue today, no matter what or who you are masculinized or feminized both are heavily manipulated and used towards one another for self gratification reasons. This is a bigger issue in its entirety I’m glad the conversation is happening in all communities it’s time.

[@iamjadefox]

thank you for this note, i agree. def going to go more into that in the next one.

[@mackay4908]

I agree with what you said BUT haven’t you been left out because the convos about lesbians.

[@thotcrimez4252]

@@mackay4908 Bisexual studs do exist and femmes are sometimes bisexual. They do end up dating or in relationships.

[@bubbles4897]

Siramad Backwards studs apply to lesbians....not bisexuals

[@melissaselina4007]

@@thotcrimez4252 NO. Fems are Lesbian. Like Butch. Bisexuals can NOT be Femme. They are just féminine.

[@jan4qu36]

I want to agree with you and I do. I have been asked and criticized for dressing like a man. Then one day someone was bold enough to actually ask me why I dress like a man and why is it that when women dress like men (lesbians) they dress like baggy clothes and 'ugly' looking clothes. At first I wanted to be angry and yell at him but then I just took the opportunity to consider that he genuinely wanted to know. It's not that women want to be men it is as Jade said them escaping sexism, joining their community would excuse you from being not only a victim but just a form of self expression. The way they dress is them showing you their perception of manliness. So what they see studs, tomboys or masculine females do is really just a woman's interpretation of what it is to be a man, body language, dressing, walk, hair cut, communication and all. Also some of us actually dress well but that comes from dressing how you want to dress (no judgement). Everyone knows you wear cloths and not the clothes wear you.

[@iamjadefox]

you get it

[@jan4qu36]

@@iamjadefox I live it.

[@Slim_Hodge]

also a lot to do with your financial situation lol also finding male clothing that fits properly...im more on the petite side and it took a while to find clothes that fit...it sucks but hey i recognized boys clothes is a hack for me lol

[@stephelizabeth]

So far we have stud with fabric softener, zero calorie stud and now stud with almond milk? I can’t, goodnight 😂✌🏾

[@ELmayberry]

😂😂 can't forget about the stud in cursive

[@Azurekate]

“Doberman energy” made me snort water up my nose oh my god it hurts

[@anitashortz2554]

I love your perception on stud reasoning. As in the meaning behind why they are why they are. Like I never knew how to put that thought into words but you have. Thanks Jade😊. Your take on toxic studs and their attempt on gaining patriarchal privilege by behaving/ disguising as male is really riveting. Great stuff Jade! Thank you🙌🏿

[@KearaGraves]

this is a super interesting video, shedding light on things that basically never get talked about. always love your content ❤️

[@itsarali]

Hi Keara love your videos! Glad to see wlw creators watching and supporting each other!

[@katwilliams2950]

I vibe with stud in cursive!!! I would love a toxic fem vid

[@amketique]

me too!

[@ladyredl3210]

I feel like a lot of toxic femininity is split between 50s housewife stuff, and TERFs. But again just my experience, everyone else please chime in if you want.

[@ajujuadoidoi]

@@ladyredl3210 - good point! I am also thinking about the idea of subscribing to hetero gender roles as was often done in the 40s, one partner covering the role of the "provider" and the other the "homemaker", wearing a dress and suit at their wedding, calling themselves a top and bottom, etc. (ie, the "Who's the man in the relationship??" conversation) These things are not negative in and of themselves, but they can solidify the standard that all relationships must be a certain way, so visibility of relationships that simply look different is very important for awareness. "Two women in a relationship who don't express their gender in a polarized way, who don't identify with a certain label?! How would that even work?" 😂😅

[@ladyredl3210]

@@ajujuadoidoi exactly

[@Sugon-69]

@N are you okay man? You really seem to be putting a lot of effort in trying to get a rise out of people, that's not a healthy coping mechanism. You deserve better than flame wars

[@joannweaver9745]

The conversation around toxic masculinity and toxic femininity in our community is a discussion Im glad we’re having

[@Tatiana1451]

Can we talk about how Jade has been in her damn bag lately?! The content was always been great but these conversations...I feel nourished, enriched and we love to see it

[@FluffyMuffinz95]

You should address colorism in the LGBTQ community

[@cynthiar1977]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@g0blinslayer]

Yessss i remember watching this one tik tok where a stud said she only or prefers dating light skins and i was just like: so um we finna unfollow

[@ellawood1593]

👏🏽

[@inkheart2007]

Yes!

[@naturalnotnormal3367]

Trust

[@chefbyblood4035]

This was goody Jade. I identify as a stud and a black woman yet I never knew that the term was derived from us! The way you spoke on this topic was life. Thanks for the good content..

[@Ria-sd2ex]

Jade, you stay on point with very thoughtful analysis and I appreciate it cursive-stud sis❤️❤️❤️. I feel like it's so ingrained in our community. We refuse to even come close to dealing with sexism and homophobia in our community. And if one of us calls it out (almost perfect example of J. Cole/noname situation), we're criticized as "talking down on our own". The whole thing gets turned around and the actual issue is ignored again, because we're gaslighting each other into thinking women's issues and LGBT+ issues are completely irrelevant compared to issues of race. When nothing could be further from the truth.

[@nciscrazier]

“I don’t know if your zumiez bandana is just cuttin off too much circulation up near the top bun” 😂😂😂

[@Unbound_Soul7]

😂😂😂

[@mackay4908]

The way some toxic femmes want you to actually just be a man. Please date men if you want men!

[@myasmith1820]

Can you please explain your claim more? I am generally curious because no one talks about what us femmes need to do.

[@TT-xz5sy]

Yeah no one talks about this. Almost every den I’ve dated wanted me to have this overly masculine “bad boy” persona. None of them could except that I had a balance of both energies, I couldn’t show any emotion or I was a “bitch”.

[@1983shawty]

@@TT-xz5sy just keep being you, as long as you walk your truth, if whoever's ur dating wants you to be something that ur not, then leave th immediately.

[@lavonnealexander6936]

@@TT-xz5sy I totally agree with you, that’s why I say I am stem instead of stud. I feel sorry for men and studs.

[@bluebutterflyofdoom]

Thank you! My ex was a stud and she was extremely controlling. She had it in her head that since she was a stud, she couldn't wear women's clothing or act too feminine in any way, and she forced me to be more feminine than I felt comfortable being, because in her head, I had to be a "femme" even though I didn't identify that way. I knew she had a lot of internalized homophobia but I didn't know how to tell her that. She even threw out some of my clothing because it was menswear and she said it was "unflattering". I'm sort of more in the middle as far as gender expression. I remember telling her I thought I wanted to explore being a drag king. That was a big no.

[@DvineWakandandian_Warrior]

She wasn't wrong.

[@lavonnealexander6936]

That is crazy ! I am more of stem then stud because I still like men’s and women’s wear.

[@bendemare5270]

Wow, I'm sorry you went throught that, she was really abusive You deserved better than that internalised misoginy.

[@becoollikefonzie8007]

She sounds like an insecure, ignorant prick. Basicslly just trying to replicate toxic heteronormative ideals. I've met s few insecure gay women like this, it's sad but they've just internalised a lot of the misogyny they see and experience

[@anadd6195]

She was abusive!

[@SkoolieBoyQue]

"Doberman Energy..." 🤔🤔🤔😅😅😅🤣

[@tianamatson]

I had no idea STUD was a racial specific term. I totally thought it was just the dapper side of butch. Intrigue. I also find it interesting that gay men identifying classify themselves by body type and gay women identifying classify themselves by style and personality.

[@bxfbbxcbxc5328]

Gay guys classify by body type? Is it like twink=skinny/petite Otter is medium And Bear is lumberjack?

[@elizabethoconnor1493]

As a 110lb, ultra marathoner lesbian, not exactly...generalizations don't look good on anyone bb

[@juicyjesstv]

It's not.

[@horrorfan2000]

bxfb bxcbxc But stud and butch aren’t so different from some each other.To straight people’s point of you they all look the same. Just like ever straight person thinks all gay men are fem/drag queen types and don’t acknowledge that masc gay men exist.

[@nikitaluke7973]

I never knew it was a race thing either

[@TheOrny4ever]

I love when you talk about serious stuff. I don’t see myself as a stud even though I’m more “masculine-looking” just because I don’t want to be associated with the toxic studs. I’m glad that you addressed this topic, I thought I was the only one having the same thoughts as you 😌

[@pg-if3sm]

Same. I have locs and dress "masculine" cause it's my preference, comfort-wise. And seeing how locs is a more common style now, it's become a thing where I see the post "studs with locs are toxic" more and more.

[@blacklez]

Nah same. I’m pretty masculine, but I won’t identify as a stud cause it seems like it comes with this whole attitude that’s 🥴

[@karminyates3261]

Thank you for touching on this 💕✨ I was wondering when someone was going to talk about it. I always noticed that there’s a a lot of studs in the black community and when you look outside of other communities you see that there are definitely more femmes and I think it has to do with the environment ; if you live in the hood I think it’s hard to perform femininity and also not be accessible to men.

[@Twelly93]

I agree. All people of lower classes tend to come off more aggressive in my opinion. I grew up middle class and have always noticed the difference

[@thotcrimez4252]

@@Twelly93 It's not every hood person be mindful of that.

[@karminyates3261]

@@Twelly93 I'm from the hood. Don't assume we're all the same. It's classiest and doesn't improve are material condition. Not sorry if my hoodness offends you.

[@Twelly93]

@@thotcrimez4252 yeah I know. That's why I said "tend" to show that it wasn't an absolute

[@Twelly93]

@@karminyates3261 I said "tend" to show it wasn't everyone. Also I never said the aggression I noticed was offensive just expressing what I observed and why it may be the case

[@britton300]

Stud in cursive 😭😭

[@KaliyahKayoni]

Before I start this damn video (lol), Imma start off with saying (most) studs try to emulate what stereotypical heterosexual relationships perceive to be when it comes to gender-roles. It usually ends up with the more “masculine” woman demeaning and abusing the more “feminine” woman. This has always been the topic of conversation my ‘fem’ friends who date masculine woman always bring up to me🤷🏾‍♀️. It never fails to come up on how they can be Selfish, Controlling and Paranoid; But they never seem to leave because they think that’s what love is or they just adapted to it (kinda like heterosexual women in abusive relationships). I’ve always dated & talked other ‘Fems’ so I never ran into these types of situations personally (not saying all women can’t have toxic qualities like this), but I couldn’t imagine always finding myself constantly in these situations. I don’t know why it’s like this but y’all therapy is a option for EVERYONE🤷🏾‍♀️...

[@yungchru]

Studs typically emulate the worst representations of black men

[@Unbound_Soul7]

Most Black men represent themselves bad.

[@otherwords1375]

Feels like there's a complicated line here. I don't disagree that many people refine or modulate their flavor of masculinity in order to better put up a protective shield (against structurally oppressive forces), but for many, masculinity itself is not a conscious or unconscious strategy. It is just who they are. As long as we have notions of "femininity" and "masculinity," defined socially, aesthetically, and behaviorally, there will be people who organically align with one or the other, at the level of personality. And anecdotally, I think many GNC women who end up benefitting from some fraction of "male privilege" had an acute sense of gendered difference starting nearly from early childhood, and see their masculinity as integral to who they are.

[@DankScole]

2 years later and KZbin recommended this when i needed it most.

[@LoviesLife]

Something funny is i didn't know stud was a term for black masc women, and i have only ever referred to them as studs. never in my life called a white Butch a stud bc it just doesn't fit 😂

[@badkarma3828]

I still remember when in my conservative town i met that girl. I was like "yeah a fellow lesbian" and then she start talking bad about fem girls, she was even homophobic to gay men. 🤢🤢

[@t.deshawn6519]

I think your explanation of why some studs are toxic is perfect. When I was a stud (I'm ftm) I always wanted to be the opposite of toxic. I thought if I could treat a girl with all the love and respect my mom deserves, then I'm a better choice than some dude. And bc of that, I've always been seen as "soft" or not a man, and generally don't fit in well in black communities

[@lavonnealexander6936]

Smh 🤦🏿 same!

[@archduchessmathildaofaustr9235]

Bro soft boy supremacy

[@Deborahstormfoster]

Why do I hate the term STUD so much? I'm a gay woman and it just reminds me of animal husbandry.

[@Mabhonzoo]

Deborah Foster 😅

[@nightfighter7452]

🐎

[@bunmi4876]

Lmaooo

[@LogeerhuisyeaASVZ]

Give me a fine stud

[@cheche9949]

from what I've seen (in videos of this kind) being black is very tough BUT being a black woman, AND A LESBIAN must be the toughest one. Ive seen people repidetly say being a black woman is the hardest and i agree, there is colorism in their own community against them, so many stereotypes, racism, sexism and with studs you need to have Homophobia there too? that horrible and honestly i kinda understand toxic behaviour when the world is against you...

[@psychokitty444]

Black and trans seems like a tough one too.

[@Jstherebrowsing]

I love how you delved into this topic. I have a friend who is the poster child for toxic masculinity in studs and I never fully understood. I took certain aspects of her life into consideration and just lumped it as “that’s just how she is” but this was beautifully stated, makes so much sense, and gives me a lot to think about with my relationship with studs as a fem.

[@chazthomas123]

What a great discussion Jade, more of this please! Also, there are fems that definitely feed into this nonsense. I'm what I guess would be considered a stem but was more masculine than my ex and she looked at me as the "man" in the relationship. So she had certain expectations behind that and I wouldn't be surprised if some studs are hyper masculine because it's what the women they are into want. Our experience as black women is so nuanced and I feel like this conversation could truly take up more than one video. I would love if it was extended to maybe Arrows and Amber and other masculine presenting women of color.

[@velmajones5129]

I sometimes get the feeling that our communities tend to reproduce gender roles that are even more rigid than in the straight world.

[@kittyykatie]

facts

[@everythingispolitics6526]

💯. It's because they can customize to fit their ideas of an ideal gender role. It's unfortunate.

[@mrssarkazz]

Sports bra culture 😭😭😭

[@aldik_dj]

*bra 😂

[@mrssarkazz]

@@aldik_dj typo you know what I meant thanks though

[@aldik_dj]

SARKAZZ VLOGS lls yea, you’re welcome

[@theregosmiley5944]

“Studs can not be white” 😂😂😂 I’ve always said that lol

[@stuff1784]

So what do you call the white women who dress and act similarly?

[@adaboo09]

Jade! This is my favorite video of all time. What’s crazy is I just finished reading a chapter from Audre Lorde Where she discusses sadomasochism in the lesbian community and how detrimental it can be to our society. I loved your perspective because you touched on the strategic alignment that some States have with toxic masculinity but it’s important that you say toxic because it can be done in a healthy way but sometimes it’s displayed in a way that can be violent and unnecessary especially because it’s about this Dominant submissive role

[@adaboo09]

This is why I love reading this is why I love the style community this is why I fucks with being black this is why it’s so important for creators to share their thought processes because the consciousness of us all is incredibly intertwined. With this video perhaps you inspired a person a woman who may display some of these toxic traits to question their selves and askThemselves why

[@Lisa_Flowers]

What chapter did that book come from? Sounds hella interesting

[@AbroadonaBudget]

This is right on point- so good I watched it twice. I'm a literature teacher and use a collection of music videos, including some Young MA videos, in a gender and sexuality unit to talk about toxic masculinity and internalised misogyny. Time and again, this reference to Young MA and other women performing toxic masculinity is what gets the lights to come on about the difficulties of managing intersectionality, the choices people make to seek protection, or as you said, to get a feeling of "emancipation". All of this is in the wider context of, as you said, how "toxic masculinity is celebrated". I agree with you that the point is not to take down or mock toxic studs, but to understand the complexity behind it (homophobia, misogyny, racism) and see it as another manifestation of a system designed to oppress certain groups who then have to use unhealthy coping mechanisms. And now I'm off to just go binge on your videos.

[@jus3278]

Straight male here who has dated his fair share of Bi women. I tend to try to avoid new terminology like "toxic," because in all honesty we all have experiences (particularly as Black people) that impact our behavior as individuals and relationships and have at some point been toxic to someone in our lives. I will say that the stud home girls that I do have do attempt to escape from their experiences as Black women as the content creator stated. This escape seems to be rooted in shitty relationships with their fathers, physical and sexual abuse, racism and all the other things that Black women experience. However there is an element of it that is somewhat performance, similar to how some gay men or trans men and women tend to lean into the prototypical image of what they see as masculine and feminine. Sometimes my stud homies do more savage shit than a savage male who treats women like shit. Sometimes I feel as if they are trying to prove something to me or men in general and I'm just kinda like "just chill and be yourself." It's a complicated conversation, but one definitely worth discussing.

[@QueenLioness84]

"Looking like a Christmas ham from the knee down"😂🤣😂🤣

[@Unique2UGoddess]

Preachhhh! I dont consider myself a fem for a lot of the reasons u mentioned about them holding fragile masculinity and calling it a preference, I'm so over gender role and heteronormativity

[@ABookMonster18]

I'm from Boston and recently moved to Atlanta. Dating studs here is rough because of everything you stated in this video! Studs in Atlanta are a different breed.

[@augustrenee4906]

Alyasia Turner talked to an atl stud once and bruh...never again LMAO

[@Taromilktea1995]

August Renée please spill👀

[@GordooRP]

I used to be HARD UP identifying as stud just to identify with something , then I moved to ATL 😩 lmaoo i said ohhhhh these stud studs , ima head out.

[@sirenthomas4595]

Girl yasss ik one who dogs women so bad I asked her girl you sure you really gay she got mad ...think about it ..there are straight menses who dig women out so bad you wonder if they really like other men so why couldn't it be the same for some studs they really straight but I'm denial and take it out on fems

[@saritaramirez645]

This was such a good video, Jade! I dated a stud with these ideologies that really put me off over time. It was as though they wanted me to fit their Femme-fantasy that I'm just not. Your video definitely shines a perspective and even more clarity on it. I'm looking forward for the Femmes, or us in between, to get dragged too!

[@KTPalyk]

Was looking for that "not all studs" comment. Haven't seen it, Hope I don't. This is a very important conversation, it's one think to express masculine traits, but less not copy the negatives fam.

[@sophier.5024]

Thank you so much for talking about this!! I've definitely noticed there is a cultural/regional aspect to it, I used to live in a rural area and there was so much more pressure to fill traditional, heterosexual gender roles for lesbians, to make our relationships more palatable/understandable to the rest of the (overwhelmingly straight) community. As a fem who is more often attracted to other fems, it took me moving to a big, liberal city to figure out that that kind of relationship was even an possible, and to be able to experience a gay relationship that didn't have the same toxic power dynamic that accompanies toxic masculinity/femininity.

[@MsDedemc]

I'm a straight married old head. I just wanted to peek my head in and say I love your channel and perspective. Keep it up boo!!

[@SamLogan215]

There is no stud from 1970 to give them proper representation today. They are looking at toxic men and continuing the cycle. So, someone has to give studs positive roles to follow. We can follow to be a women or a man because it has been shown since the beginning of time. But this is something fairly new but not new. Only new because it is becoming more mainstream in a negative way. Love who you love. It's all good with me.

[@teniyahthomas6587]

The toxic studs are disliking this video 🤣

[@BraveNewBatsheba]

“Smack yourself with your lululemons” 🤣🤣🤣 dead

[@shaunakbtv4229]

Dairy free sexiness. Ha!! I'm dead. 😂😂

[@SunnySecular]

Next video...how these youtube soap operas further push the toxic relationships as "goals"..uh, no.✋🏾

[@jal45100]

👏🏿👏🏿

[@Mabhonzoo]

Sunny Secular-GenXer 👍

[@ShawStace]

Jade thank you for being a source of great educational content. As an Asian gay, there isnt a lot of representation or education I can find for my kind. I have been guilty of only watching white youtubers, I was not even aware of the divide ... you bring so much light and I just want to thank you for your amazing content. You have inspired me

[@ElmotypeSwag]

This is interesting to think about especially with instances where studs in the media HAVE been sexualized still. For example, Young MA and Kodak Black.

[@BigBL5150]

KODAK BLACK??👀

[@AJ-db8kc]

Instantly subscribed, I had no idea about this social problem although when you think about it it is right before our eyes yet no one realises it

[@helixjac2394]

I am a stem but I was super toxic towards feminine women cause I thought liking pink and makeup made a woman basic, and superficial. I learned over time that liking pink, makeup, and anything feminine is okay and that I was pushing a narrative on myself because of the way I looked. I thought only skinny girls could be girly and I am not skinny, I thought I was too ugly for feminine things as well. I now know that feminity is nothing bad, and makeup is fucking amazing. I love makeup, it's something I am good at. I love doing makeup, my hair, pink is a dope ass color and more but fuck was it hard to accept especially because I used to criticize my own mom who is super feminine, who embraced me and accepted me, she also knows about this stuff. I have apologized and we had a heart to heart. But it was so hard for me and looking back hurts. In another way, the way society looks down on women who are feminine is disgusting. Like in Legally Blonde, she is smart as hell but looked down upon because she is ultra-feminine. Ultra fem or just fem women are looked down upon because they are feminine if a woman has a certain type of nail shape or color, heels to boots, etc. Its dumb as fuck

[@chaneydalton5508]

found you through rose and rosie's video. You are awesome, and it sucks that the algorithm has it so i never found you sooner. i feel like you're channel reminds me a lot of tiffany ferg in how you're both very self-aware intelligent individuals that analyze the internet and culture in ways I never would have thought of. You guys should collab i feel your energys would compliment each other so well.

[@amyliataylor]

A stud in cursive lmaoo you’re the best !

[@Vanessa-tt1ct]

Thanks for the video, jade! I found your channel from Rose and Rosie’s video about the video you made about the racial divide between lesbian youtubers and I’m really glad I found you.

[@BurningheartofSILVER]

I clicked on this video thinking we were gonna be shitting on f*ckbois. Was so confused for like the first 3 minutes, but I stayed, I was educated, and I'm subscribed now. As a black woman myself I feel a little ashamed that I was completely ignorant to this side of our community, but sis I'm here to stay, to be educated, and to understanding more of the lives and experiences of my fellow sisters ✊🏽

[@sywitz]

Ah it's so refreshing to hear fresh takes on stuff. I haven't thought about this topic through your perspective as a white bi girl. Also off-topic but I really like the fonts you use, I appreciate a nice font. OK that's all.

[@icametomakecupcakes71]

Still waiting on those links. I'm an older lesbian who was brought up in stud/femme culture and it has never worked for me. I am unashamedly a dominant femme which puts me at odds with toxic studs. I'd love to hear more about studs who embrace being "submissive" or "soft".

[@luluxinator7935]

I told u before I’m not gay or lesbian but I’m black & ur personality is awesome so I’ve followed u for years because ur intelligence is needed .ur experience is important ur honesty is appreciated & inside ur head is a cool place & I like to hear it so yea I learned something..kno a few studs can’t ask certain things because I’m not a douche but u clear everything up for me so thanks for opening my mind to this train of thought 💜

[@JacindatheGreat]

As long any stud I meet NEVER acts like Candace Owens- then we good.

[@ZebbeCali]

I feel like you are 100% correct. Every word. I live in Atlanta, and have been acquainted and friends with a fair amount of studs and fems.

[@cynthiar1977]

I loved this vibe you are on. Why don't you send out a google form to some studs or femmes with questions on how femmes can be toxic

[@tranaelabranche1219]

I felt this. It makes a lot of sense, it’s a unconscious separation to shield themselves from further criticism. Great talk with all the humor!

[@tiffanymercer6269]

Thanks for this. I've never identified as a stud because I couldn't identify with all it required. I could never get why I was the only gay in the club during pride not getting my life to Ooouuu by Young MA and you just explained why better than I could. I tried to get into her but she's toxic as fuck and I've never been on them vibes.

[@iamchannellingjoy]

Glad you're sparking these conversations! Soo important for us to continue deconstructing and demolishing all of these negative traits tied in with masculinity. As someone else in the comments said, we need to build up different, healthy definitions of what masculinity can mean and strive towards that.

[@kblearnsspanish]

Great vid. I think some studs embrace ideas and stereotypes they feel are just par for the course in order to be respected as masculine. I think studs fall victim to some of the same pressures men do when it comes to proving their authenticity. Some masculine people (men and studs) learn a bit later in life that external validation isn’t necessary and they don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Unfortunately, some never learn this lesson. Especially when, or if, they’re rewarded for the behavior with pussy (women) or comradeship (straight men). Also, it has a lot to do with what the individual (and the community around them) considers to be “masculine.” For some, toxic masculinity is all they know and have ever seen, so it’s what they emulate.

[@thespiritofsauntering]

So thoughtful. I love you channel!! Agreed!! The having to fit into a butch/stud or femme space to be lesbian for decades only perpetuated what is gross about the binary, the patriarchy and everything heteronormative. Masculinity is absolutely a defence mechanism for many. And perpetuates that masculinity is more powerful. 38, white, baby gay (came out a year ago) and my personal identity fluctuates from just femme of neutral (most of the time) to just masculine of neutral. Thank you Jade.

[@evercuriousmichelle]

As a 29 year old cis white woman, I realized I was asexual after college. I’m more knowledgeable about ace terms but I just recently realized that romantically I prefer women. So your video is really helping me to define some terms that I’m embarrassed to admit I didn’t know!

[@Toonami94]

Excellent video topic, mate. Very interesting perspective. In my experience of being out and masculine presenting, I never realized we had privileges to start off with. In my experience, being a stud made you a target by men and woman, and makes your life harder than most other folk. Men keep testing you about how masculine you are or keep trying to convert you. Woman have these weird expectations about you when it comes to sex and relationships.Being a gay woman is truly a unique way of experiencing the world, and has its own set of issues most other will not experience. I'm glad i found your video. Cant wait for part 2. Cheers.

[@GeniusOfLoveBaby]

The way that “What Y’all Really Want?!!” Translated was 👌🏾

[@deelite732]

What your saying is prob definitely true today.. I am a lot older so I remember being masculine centered in the early 2000’s and back then it was not as accepted .. most people believed you just wanted to be a man and you were ugly so you became “manly..” But it was more about identifying with a particular lifestyle and exercising a certain level of masculinity because it was comfortable and normal to you... also a lot of Black women unfortunately don’t have Black men in their lives so they view certain heightened extreme masculine behaviors as normal, such as violent aggressiveness or male promiscuity ... They don’t understand what it means to be a Positive Black Man and how that differs from the toxic.. I always enjoyed being a woman “” but I enjoy presenting myself as androgynous and/or masculine because of my self awareness not because of alignment to men to escape being a woman.. I feel some studs may fall into that and also may see being feminine as weak because they have several oppressions to fight... Great analysis ! I enjoyed the video!

[@annate4347]

I think a lot of masculine women/studs experience forms of homophobia that femmes don't deal with, and that makes the topic difficult to people like me... I never really want to rag on a group that already gets targeted so much. But I do think that there needs to be space to address this stuff.

[@saltybird]

Fuck I am so happy I watched your Race Issue between White/Black lesbian YTers, NOW youtube is finally recommending your videos to me and I see this gem of a video and opened my damn eyes to shit I've been thinking about but never heard people really talk about. Subbed now and gonna catch up on what i've been missing!

[@TatyanaMorena]

These reasons are why I’m single 😭 I’m attracted to studs which most have been toxic and manipulative 🙃

[@iamjadefox]

nice lol

[@skinnyminnieog]

Poor thing smfh lol🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

[@victoriadotie4946]

Sameeeee I love studs but the ones I attract always got fuckin issues 🙄

[@ourportuguesehomestead]

I LOVED this deepdive/think piece. Do make a part two if you feel like it, you make some very good points and would love to hear more

[@onlyoneshere]

i feel like when experimenting with masculinity it’s very easy to fall into a toxic mindset and think that being misogynistic is a way of achieving it. not only does this happen with studs, as in a lot of transmacline circles toxic masculinity is a problem. A lot of young trans men believe denouncing women and feminine trans men is a way to achieve said masculinity. it’s a very easy thing to fall into, glad i was able to avoid it whilst discovering myself. love this video

[@hollywhatnow3263]

I appreciate that you’re talking about things that need to be discussed. I appreciate that so much. Tell em girl