Why Being Too Friendly Is Ruining Your Life

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching. If you've been lurking my channel and still haven't subscribed yet.....you should. Love you guys

[@SanctifiedPurpose]

Love the dedication and effort you put into your videos. Subscribed.

[@aidanokeeffe7928]

2:28 - 2:37 I never put it together that all the fake civility we're accustomed to might be what causes us to feel a lack of cohesion and trust, because it instills this anxiety, as if to say, "Everyone who's my friend could be lying right to my face. Hell, I know I do it." It's complicated, right? Cause there's a balance that needs to be struck; you don't want to be overcritical of others, cause everyone's a little dirty, we gotta make room for that in society or we'll go mad trying to be good and clean all the time. But you also don't want to be one of these spineless people. I'll assert myself over my friends sometimes; I ask a lot of questions. I tell them outright to give me the same treatment, but they instead of just doing it, it's like they're trying to assuage me, telling me "Oh, it's fine." Like, I am literally giving you permission to pick at me, don't you want to do that, and you're just waiting for permission? Bah! I guess you just can't force someone to be assertive. Like, maybe, just maybe, we're allowed to reserve the right to criticize someone for a second without immediately pointing the lens at---thereby immediately invalidating---ourselves. It's as if we have internalized the tu quoque fallacy.

[@guycha0s380]

Hi mate, one of your big fan. Thank you for fixing up our mindsets

[@dimkachum]

Yo @cole Hastings, I think you've found your niche. Keep it up bro, I'm excited to see how far you take this story telling!

[@Firstname-lastname-number]

Can't wait for the video about Trauma

[@Sami-df7dj]

So basically don't tell people what they want to hear but what they need to hear and don't be scared to hurt their feelings by being more authentic and saying what you feel.

[@ditz3nfitness]

Thanks for the TLDR!

[@jamesgentry13]

It doesn't this also backfire?

[@andrewstone7316]

@@jamesgentry13 this backfires on weak-minded individuals

[@crxzy3000]

@@jamesgentry13 if your opinion makes people hate you, you don't need them

[@jamesgentry13]

@@crxzy3000 ok say a bunch of rscist shit and tell everyone they are the problem.... see how thst doesbt work haha

[@GrowthMindsetChannel]

Confidence is not "they will like me". Confidence is "I’ll be fine if they don’t" 💪🏻🚀

[@rajkamalingle9144]

💯

[@fuzzypanda1684]

Very true, although it will start to shake that confidence when you find yourself on the "don't" side too many times in a row, especially with women. Approaching a girl with confidence is easy when you can believe there's a chance she'll be interested in you, but it gets harder and harder when it turns out that yet again, this one isn't interested either.

[@mothh]

@@fuzzypanda1684 try to focus on the “now” and not bring back the negative emotions from past experiences

[@Malin0908]

Confidence is liking yourself ❤️

[@ajtaylor8750]

The downside of trying to be too friendly or pleasing is that you lose the core of who you are as a result. I'm all for maintaining peace when necessary, but if it's at the expense of being true to who you are and who you want to be then it isn't worth it.

[@FreezeMister8]

I feel this a lot. I lost that core, and it's been an uphill battle to find it again.

[@jamesgentry13]

But doing the complete opposite is bad too

[@isaiahmcgirt5832]

I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom in terms of this and actually realizing and accepting it is relieving. Now time to rebuild that core

[@spoopyscaryskelebones3846]

@@isaiahmcgirt5832 yep, but how?

[@DrewRueDoo]

Preach

[@yohaizilber]

I feel thet some people are overly nice because of pain they have suffered and don't want other people to feel that way.

[@Sravan.Allopi]

That might be true however, self love and self respect starts with setting yourself boundaries that you keep to. If you can't adhere to your own boundaries, you'll never be able to heal from your own issues.

[@OmaniFalcon]

@@Sravan.Allopi i hate myself, and I wish I did not exist.

[@ken2181]

@@OmaniFalcon i feel ya. Come join the club

[@Navidhart]

@@OmaniFalcon you have to be best version of yourself.. may I ask why you hate yourself?

[@brysonsheldon]

Bingo

[@lecomtedeneuch9994]

Once I stopped being "nice", I went to the complete opposite end of the spectrum because of all that resented rage and anger. It worked perfectly well because I didnt care anymore about the outcome. I was already an outcast. The difference is , is that I completly accept this now and I'm not afraid to be alone with an opinion vs everyone. Life has become better with everyone and myself. There is no wrong with being angry or to start conflict. Your anger must be genuine because if it isnt, then you are just an asshole. I'm angry when necessary. I call people on their bullshit when I feel right about it. Your life, who you are and your value must NOT depend on the perceptions of others. You are enough as you are but not enough in the sens of who you could be. Know the difference. Good luck folks

[@bowlingking300]

Thank you, thank you so much. You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. This past year in 10th grade, I feel that I have been this timid... unknown person of myself. I feel like that "core" of who I am and being one with myself was lost... being timid and trying to be "nice"... and not speaking and asserting myself when I need to when people get me f*cked up. Which ends up with me falling prey to people's bullshit. And letting things that people say that really shouldnt matter, get into my head... This past summer has been an uphill battle to get that core back, I've been in therapy and Cole's videos have helped as well. In 2018 in 6th grade I used to wake up in the morning ready for a new adventure, saying "bring it on"! Now, I wake up feeling sad, scared and alone... But day by day, that is going away. I simply just don't have to let anyone get into my head, or let the world put me in a box. Being "nice" often results in you going way farther for people than they do for you. I'm done doing that. I feel like I'm already an outcast too, I'm slowly getting better and I feel ready to take on junior year of high school, this time, I'm in control of my head and thoughts. THATS RIGHT, ME! I shouldn't fear conflict. I need to hold my ground, and not turn my back on myself when my opinion is opposed by everyone (mime against everybody's). Being comfortable in my own skin. I can see that going a long way for me. I have full rights to happiness, just like anyone else. Im not asking for sympathy. I am taking accountability. I hope my future is very bright. Its time to be happy again!

[@astralguardoriginal]

We're the same

[@maxg2335]

Came at a good time. I recently reached my breaking point with a colleague who multiple times now has lashed out and screamed at me because of something else going on in her life that I had nothing to do with. I've been patient and put up with it for so long now and i feel like an idiot for letting her use me like her emotional punching bag. She always apologises but just does it again. I just walked out on her this last time but next time I see her I'll make it clear that she is to never scream at me again.

[@ColeHastings]

Good stuff. Make sure to do it in a mature way

[@sadgoy.]

Remove toxic people from your life.

[@YonyGut1MakesMetalCovers]

Been there. I was, bassically, a *p**#ssy* in my 20's. Now, that I'm gonna turn 30 next year, I no longer care if someone gets upset whenever I speak up for myself \m/ And I don't give a F if that someone is man or woman: if you're disrespecting me, I'll let you know right away (like a civilized person, of course).

[@bruh_moment2833]

can we get an update on what happened?

[@justforrow]

Sorry that happened to you bro. If you ever need help, just send me a quick message and we can talk more about it.

[@leothebear4842]

I always knew I am a people pleaser.. ended up I realised that nobody respects me and what’s worse is that I have lost my directions in life and it becomes too fogged to know what I truly wants… it’s gonna be a long way out of the bunker but thanks for giving me a clearer insight.

[@gw4138]

Keyword is too. "Nice guys" are TOO nice and therefore put everyone else before themselves. You gotta take care of yourself first. It's YOUR life, but anybody else's.

[@turtleanton6539]

Yeh🎉

[@kittyjsiwjsb7609]

I remember growing up (up until I was 15) I always believed I should be nice, kind and merciful. I don't know who or what made me belive that way but I just was like that. Later on life I devoloped a really sensitive personality, a people pleaser, ready to give her clothes if the so-called "friends" asked me to, cries whenever someone said something mean to (even if they didn't mean to) begs people for forgiveness even if they're wrong. I didn't know how to be different since I was never not like that, it really exhausted me until I started to love myself and give her value, that happened after a lot of unhumiliation and tears. Remember people, even if it was the kindest person alive, if you're too nice, too kind, too timide they'll take advantage of you.

[@dandandante-k3z]

When I was in 7th grade I made a very offensive comment that got me in trouble. I thought that the opposite to being a dick was be a people pleaser. To make a long story short I was a people pleaser and goverment worshiper after that. Now I am 18 and i came to the conclution that "nice guy" behavior just gets you taken advantage of. You need to have an opinon and you need to STICK with it. You need to put YOURSELF first and people second.

[@jamesr2936]

You're a unique content creator, Cole. Keep doing you - ignore views based on an algorithm which doesn't (usually) reward real creativity.

[@Sravan.Allopi]

I used to be someone who always wanted to come across as friendly because I wanted to be accepted. Now I've come to realise that it's just another form of self deprecation reinforcing the belief that I don't deserve to be happy, have that relationship, attain that lifestyle I'm working towards. I'm learning to be more assertive and place my boundaries down now. Especially as a man, if you have boundaries and don't seek to people please, you can actually become the version of yourself that commands respect because you respect yourself. When you people please, you're moving away from your best version of yourself and it will forever just be a concept and nothing more. Don't be afraid to speak your truths my friends!

[@user-nz2cw1vb4o]

Same. Growing up I never realised how I built this habit. It's almost involuntary now and so damn difficult to change 🥺

[@Sravan.Allopi]

@@user-nz2cw1vb4o yeah man, it's so hard to actually undo because of how long we've been self programmed to behave this way by our own insecurities but with persistence it does get easier. I've also found this to be helpful, each time I stood my ground or was unapologetically myself, I felt better about being that way and now I'm beginning to bring that strength within me out. Hopefully this can help you if you're struggling man

[@TakeBackYourMind997]

Compassionate honesty & authenticity beats people pleasing and seeking approval 100% of the time.

[@seiteki4672]

Man you basically explain my life to a T cause now I'm experiencing that being nice doesn't always work

[@joser_1295]

Yup, sometimes you have to put your foot down.

[@seiteki4672]

Yeah so true especially in catering

[@henrywinston5394]

Being a people pleaser is horrible, especially when you had to deal with emotional vampire people (It felt like a never-ending nightmare). I feel really lucky that i stopped trying to please a lot of people and be more truthful to myself. All thanks to you Cole.

[@brandonloh1331]

Amazing story telling, I was a very agreeable person and I always avoided confrontation because I thought that we should be nice to each other. But we shouldn't betray our values and beliefs just to please others

[@yinconscious]

Really cool story telling concept bro. Would love more of this in the future!

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks, definitely will make more

[@TheShredtube]

Be very careful of those that say you're too sensitive or a killjoy when you stand up for yourself

[@wroxtaar]

I seriously can't believe what I just saw. how can someone explain such a complicated topic in such an interesting way. Hats off to you man. Great work. Love and Respect for you man. Always and Always.

[@bowlingking300]

Thank you, thank you so much. You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. This past year in 10th grade, I feel that I have been this timid... unknown person of myself. I feel like that "core" of who I am and being one with myself was lost... being timid and trying to be "nice"... and not speaking and asserting myself when I need to when people get me f*cked up. Which ends up with me falling prey to people's bullshit. And letting things that people say that really shouldnt matter, get into my head... This past summer has been an uphill battle to get that core back, I've been in therapy and Cole's videos have helped as well. In 2018 in 6th grade I used to wake up in the morning ready for a new adventure, saying "bring it on"! Now, I wake up feeling sad, scared and alone... But day by day, that is going away. I've learned that, I simply just don't have to let anyone get into my head, or let the world put me in a box. Being "nice" often results in you going way farther for people than they do for you. I'm done doing that. I feel like I'm already an outcast too, I'm slowly getting better and I feel ready to take on junior year of high school, this time, I'm in control of my head and thoughts. THATS RIGHT, ME! I shouldn't fear conflict. I need to hold my ground, and not turn my back on myself when my opinion is opposed by everyone (mine against everybody's). Being comfortable in my own skin. I can see that going a long way for me. I have full rights to happiness, just like anyone else. Im not asking for sympathy. I am taking accountability. I'm going to put all these tools to good use next year. I am ready, willing and able! I hope my future is very bright. It's time to be happy again!

[@slumptris]

everytime I have something on my mind you’re able to offer a great rebuttal or reasoning. Thanks for another great video

[@ColeHastings]

Cheers

[@EMMANUEL-qx5mb]

@@ColeHastings i feel same as him

[@SnapBeasty]

Being nice and being kind are two different things, even though the terms are often used as if they are interchangeable. Being nice is doing considerate things for the approval of others. Being kind is being considerate purely for the sake of doing the right thing. So instead of being nice, be kind!

[@HawksonGames]

I was looking for this comment, thank you

[@SnapBeasty]

@@HawksonGames I got you bro, of course!

[@External29]

@@SnapBeasty I feel like I'm becoming tired of being kind since people only ever take advantage of me for it. Any advice on THAT??

[@SnapBeasty]

@@External29 I would say try to distance yourself from people that are taking advantage of you. If you are around them not by choice but by circumstance (eg. school or job) then still try to be respectful to them while keeping your distance. Also, if someone were to ask for favors, you can certainly help them out but don't be afraid to say no.

[@SnapBeasty]

@@External29 Also, I'm confident you will come across people that will appreciate your kindness!

[@artem945]

I love this kind of storytelling. Please keep doing this

[@ColeHastings]

Will do, thank you

[@artgoon8747]

Man this breakdown of standing up for yourself was awesome I was genuinely pulled in to the story and understood completely what you was trying to convey please keep doing more of these 🔥

[@fittlea8248]

Your storytelling improved so much, this video can be turned into an actual movie

[@Kenji-117]

"no" is the most powerful word in this world. it brought tyrants to an end, caused the fall of many kings and brought glory to a lot of legendary warriors. It's not just a word, its the most powerful weapon a man can utilise.

[@karlakleynhans1322]

You are such an insightful person. I really look up to you. Such an inspiration. Life goals.

[@jonathanbertoniere7990]

Wow. I am so glad these videos made their way into my recommended. I recently discovered that I am a conflict-averse person. I used to avoid high school drama, but then it smacked me in the face seemingly out of nowhere, and my friends left me. All because I felt like I had to be there for one of my other friends, that it was my duty, to be there for him through thick and thin. Even if it meant letting his problems become my problems too. And he had some definitive behavioral misconduct. It was a trial by fire. I couldn't understand how it was so easy for my ex-friends to just walk away, and decide not to associate with him. After all, if he acted on such impulse over an ex-girlfriend, what if he acted on an ex-everything? I convinced myself that because I also acted in similar impulsive and horrible ways, that I could sympathize with him. It's not like I was trying to enable his decisions, in fact I tried to push him away from the stalking. But by being there for him, I was giving him something that he wanted: attention. What he needed, however, was consequence. To be fair, he did suffer a great deal of consequence, to the point where he was planning his own suicide. He had an unannounced absence, to which I began to worry and went to his mom's house, who explained to me that he was in a psych ward. He used one of his calls on me, to tell me how much he appreciated that I cared. The truth is, I prioritized his well-being over mine, because I didn't want to be seen as his enemy. And I definitely don't want to be the reason someone kills themselves. And after a summer of moping and reflecting on my loss, this video finally helped me understand my ex-friends' perspective. They didn't want me or him in their life because my poor choices negatively affected their reputation. I feel like there were a lot of misunderstandings amongst those that have left me. They probably thought that I was intentionally enabling this person. They called me a misogynist because of it. And I didn't know how to communicate that none of that was true. And by the time I learned how to communicate, we are not on speaking terms, and I have to live with that.

[@ovidius9862]

Man this is the best and motivational story that I ever heard, and that's because I have all those 5 rules of timidithia induced in my mind from when I know myself and I'm always afraid of bad reaction of people to me, and I really have to do something to get rid of them.

[@ColeHastings]

Itll feel forced at first, but you can do it. Thanks for watching

[@ovidius9862]

@@ColeHastings Thanks man! You're great and your videos really help me a lot! Keep going!

[@thedumbestguyalive1973]

Dude I feel this, its easier to just keep your mouth shut, but sometimes it turns out you gotta speak up sometimes. My friend did this for me and changed the way I think and it posed the question, "Who am I." Dude im still a teenager and this question is hard. I can't figure it out but I'm slowly figuring it out. Thanks cole

[@rememberme3156]

you’re gonna have a great future bro, i’m a new teen asking the same thing.

[@holywater6170]

This deserves a movie

[@wren5291]

Exactly what I thought as I watched it. I'd pay to see this as a huge Hollywood blockbuster.

[@ChartRepublic]

When I came upon your channel, at first, I thought it could be an excellent practice for improving my listening skills because your voice and accent are almost perfect for that purpose, but the more I watched your videos, the better I realized that there is so much more to learn from you about the life itself rather than just getting a better score in IELTS exam! thank you for that

[@gray3589]

Dayum, the first internet user I see that actually studies accents to pronounce stuff better.

[@wren5291]

Well. I never knew, until now, just how hard it is to smile and eat dinner at the same time. This reminded me of so many sci-fi films and stories. I loved every minute of it - whilst eating omelette with spinach and avocado to keep my backbone nice and strong🌲. Your narration and story telling ability are awesome; keep it up👌🏽.

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you!

[@monkeyf]

@Mrinmoy Das Chillout

[@wren5291]

@Mrinmoy Das Absolutely. However, I'm as cerebral as I am highly physically aware, so rest assured I took in all the delicious flavour and nutrients of my dinner, as well as masticating it properly to aid my digestion. I just couldn't resist playing Cole's video. But, in future I will set aside more time to focus soley on my medicinal eating as I do feel it is very important, especially in this high speed day and age🖖🏽✌🏽🙏🏽.

[@SerotoninReis]

I wrote down every single word in the final part. So true and eye opening.

[@manogagaaa]

thanks Cole, this video really helped me to realise what I was doing for myself all these painfull years... Now I just want to change asap

[@bastooo3]

I was a citizen of Timidithia for a long time, only in the recent years I finally understood what was "wrong" with me (I'm 34 now). It mostly had to do with my childhood, i was opressed heavily by my aunt who raised me and my sisters after a family disaster. I was not allowed to see friends outside of school, and her strictness was often bare of logic (psychopathic). Through my early childhood trauma i was generally very anxious and fearful of her. My entire young adult life was affected by this and only now I learned how to "stand upright" and don't automatically agree with everything in order to be liked. Cheers to all who struggle with this, and may you overcome it soon!

[@madmaxvgb]

Hey Cole, I want to say your story is so beautiful. This video contains a important message that should be known by everyone, but you have brought us this message on such a wonderful way. I really enjoyed watching this 18 min story. Thank you for this and keep going! Much love

[@Maxim6566]

Your short stories are always so powerful. Thank you for your work.

[@turkyturky6274]

Great video. For me, i really speak my mind and people are always offended by what i say. Some even avoid me all together. I dont give a shit. Who needs fake friends and relationships anyways.

[@iwasanMBTInerd]

It can be hard to break out of that timid shell. Because a lot of things we learned as children, it can be difficult to really find our voice if we were never allowed to have one by parents, put down by bullies, or simply if no one took us seriously, etc. A lot of times we have to reach our breaking point and be fed up with being mistreated before we learn to do something about it, and oftentimes that comes out in explosive anger and can sometimes be misplaced. I think therapy is a good way to treat this problem in a healthy way, especially if you were raised to be like that. The book "No More Mr Nice Guy" is also a really good read and goes into some examples of how passivity can show itself in relationships, family, or friendships.

[@owenpieper8862]

cole your my fav youtuber rn and basically the only one I watch still (I decided that most of my time on youtube was just being wasteful) thanks for making these videos and especially this one as I head into college i feel most of my life has been people pleasing but I'm changing things now and deciding how I want to do things.

[@darelldoughboy8888]

Perfect timing to stumble upon this video, thank you Cole.

[@seustaceRotterdam]

Growing up Irish Catholic, being a doormat was deeply ingrained in my personality. I was always “kind” even to arsholes as I decided they were having a bad day and just needed more compassion. From strangers, to friends and family I was that spineless person. I was described as “the nicest person they know”. Well that has all changed now!

[@woutpost]

this is a reminder for me that i have to focus on having good posture

[@lazybum0860]

Man I just started watching your videos and they are great. I see people being “a nice guy” too often and your description of those people at timids living in that timid world is hilarious. Keep up the good video man. You’re great.

[@Noirnaledi]

Cole this is impeccable

[@ColeHastings]

Much love

[@whawkins3914]

I love this, alot of this is me, it's hard, and I'm trying to do better, let me not shed tears as I type this

[@divinezo6212]

The fact this was made around Leo season and around the time of jenette mccurdys book is divine timing

[@litewrk8655]

This video just changed my whole outlook on my life…

[@Hellboy9896]

Very good story! Wake up and stand up for yourself!

[@KNuzX]

Really enjoyed the storytelling behind the lesson to be learned, well done!

[@theveryfellow]

Cole, you're just a guru of storytelling!) Thank you

[@shinihahaha4142]

This is was just amazing... I was stunned all the time that my jaw was on group lmao ... It moved me deeply... I realise how I have lost myself being a freaking people pleaser . Not anymore. Thank you so much... I'm so glad I clicked on this video randomly and also thanks to yt algorithm ToT ... Thank you too making this masterpiece

[@ABenAbides]

I mean I think "too" is the key word here: there's a level of friendliness and professionalism that I think most people maintain to varying degrees depending on the region/culture that they find themselves in. The question is do you depart from that baseline when the situation demands it? I think that people get too caught up in general principles about how to live and interract, like being "nice" vs being authentic, instead of recognizing that usefulness is in specific solutions to the problems you face as you work towards your goals. If you have a clear vision you part with friendliness when you need to in order to get the job done, and other the hand you can maintain friendliness when that is what's most conducive to your goals. People get too caught up in being too much of one thing and overcompensate in either direction, when in reality you need to skillfully deploy your social skills to address the specific situation you find yourself in.

[@randomess61]

I agree so hard with you. It's so easy to get caught up in one specific way of doings things and oversimplify life, but being adaptable to the context you are in really is the way to go.

[@PeoplesGovernments]

I've had plenty opportunities to succeed. But I was too nice to see what they would do with me

[@aldeaadina882]

You are brilliant!!Please continue with these kind of videos!

[@PuchoGo4219]

Thank you especially because of the delivery method of this information!

[@FinnSwede906]

Being too nice makes one appear desperate and weak in the eyes of others.

[@yagolabussiere9978]

Very Good the vídeo, timids don't leve totally free

[@enriquet4083]

For all these years I learned to be so called civilized ,back when I was a teenager people used to be scared of how I conducted myself so I decided to cope that behavior and be nicer to people so they could feel more comfortable ,but now I realized that guy that is people pleaser and an overly nice guy is not actually me ,While watching your video I remember how I used to be how alive I felt back then ,I want to be that again and whatever the consequences and the hardship ,at least I will face it like a man

[@thexevilxone1206]

Ty Cole you just gave me the roots to grow the spine I needed. 👍👍

[@deepakjam2521]

Man you just give me the solution of most of my problems Now only need is to apply it appropriately

[@ColeHastings]

Right on

[@MrThad15]

Wasn’t expecting this tbh. Thought it was gone be a Cole face lesson. But this fye too doe 💯

[@vvexxiorr241]

1:02 Those beliefs seems like what we've been taught in school

[@motivet7908]

Being too nice gave me huge depression and backfires,also lost path of life i wanted....dont be like me.

[@neferov]

In my relationship, for a about two month I was the nicest person I could make myself. Didn't argue with my girlfriend, didn't speak up, didn't cause any conflict. She absolutely loved that period and called it our best. The drawback? I absolutely hated it, and it probably destroyed our relationship, or at least caused it partly. After such a mental nightmare, I suddenly became the opposite of my "nice" part. Arguements every week. Every couple of days. Every day. And yet, I didn't abandon being nice altogether. Because she had really bad mental health, we couldn't solve any arguement properly, and most of the time I would either make her swallow her feelings, or she would make me swallow mine. When i noticed it, I couldn't press her anymore. Any arguement ended in me being the "guilty". I was being nice to her, because I cared about her, so I didn't press her enough. Result? I lost all the respect I ever had for her, even though I didn't really notice it. And in the end, when het mental health was healed (with a help of another guy, who "helped her much more, than I ever could". Her new bf btw) she would just get rid of me and call me weak for not speaking up when I could. Do NOT be a people pleaser. Stand your ground.

[@litgamer83]

Why did she had an bad mental health and how did other guy helped to heal her i wanna know since im going through to the same thing

[@HxCxDxE]

It sounds like you were talking about me, especially about the personality I have lost mine awhile ago I cannot remember how to be who I used to.

[@djefardeur7958]

Good story ! Be assertive !

[@iiantixsocial]

I feel like saying "It's ok if you don't want to" is and isn't people pleasing. Let's say you wanna do something with someone. That person doesn't want to do it, but they say yes anyway. You saying "it's ok if you don't want to" would reassure them that they don't have to participate just because you suggest it. I mean, what fun would it be if the both of you aren't enjoying it? I believe saying "It's ok if you don't want to" can either be taken in a "I don't wanna upset you, I'm a people pleaser" way, and a "I'm not pressuring you to do this, it's genuinely ok if you don't want to" way.

[@maximillianwaddell2488]

This was a very good story and analogy. Much enjoyed this video. Keep the bangers coming, Cole

[@dieselforge4181]

Very well done! Thank you for creating this video. This helped me

[@Salmasobhi1714]

Man i have no idea how incredible you are Cole i just love your curiosity and the best video so far

[@CP650JD]

Cole, this one gave me goosebumps. Nice vid bro

[@jaylenmcbride6332]

Aloha Cole, I'm from the island of Kauai, Hawai'i and I honestly really appreciate your commitment to sharing your perspective on life. You're one of the most humble souls on YT and I'm honoured to be subscribed. If you find yourself in Hawai'i I'll set you up with an interview and teach you how to surf! Mahalo Jay

[@ColeHastings]

Much love, thanks for watching my vids!

[@bricksimposter796]

Great story man, You should try to write a book

[@Curlyarcher]

Hey man you should make a video of you trying to meet people on bumble bff in Austin and document your experience with it. I’m sure alot of your viewers would be interested in seeing if it works to make new friends.

[@clarencechoy2382]

14:30, 15:24 - is what I need to hear everyday

[@renafry1104]

This was really a great story/lesson. Very imaginative

[@adolfogamer2343]

I feel sad when I say no, but I also don't like to always say yes, even though it affects me sometimes.

[@shonnansan7355]

Hey Cole, can you make a video on anxiety while texting in group chats??

[@notstonkss9417]

Putting yourself first is not selfish it's a necessity

[@gabyintothewild]

wow that was amazing Cole! You are so creative! 🙌✨

[@megafiremario12volt]

This storytelling format was cool

[@reeanne3852]

Dude your storytelling is amazing 👏

[@Staticblox]

I like these story's because it is entertaining and educational (I think. I'm taking it like that)

[@TheTruthHurts6666]

I am way too nice. I did everything for free for a client, made his website and all that. Said I won't charge him until he makes money from his business. I get a referral from that client and this other guy expected me to do the same for him. When I brought up fact that I will make a free website for him but he'll need to pay $97/month for software fees, the guy said it was too much and asked for discount. I'm like... You're already getting a free website and free setup and monthly management from me and you want a discount on the $97?? I told him no

[@kagekoch9234]

Damn that hits way different..

[@armaantoor8361]

Love your channel Cole!!!!!!!

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you

[@bedazzledmisery6969]

Remember, folks, "Nice is different than 'good'." -Stephen Sondheim from 'Into the Woods'

[@realobama1100]

I personally preferred the old straightforward videos instead of the new story style videos.

[@ColeHastings]

ill be doing a mix of both

[@Kurmi72]

Man, Great story!

[@CEFR_LESSONS_OFF_ON]

Game changing piece of advice ! Cool 😎🆒 Thank you bro !

[@sicosismusic]

FANTASTIC

[@itsteej]

very creative cole

[@DJNugz04]

I realy like those types of videos!

[@mijaelmarcelovillarroelchu6513]

Hello, I am a 17-year-old Bolivian who found your KZbin channel about productivity, I subscribed because I judged your videos comparing them based on the lifestyle that I want to reach, that is, I chose it because I felt identified either with its way of transmit your information or your personality, anyway, recently I've seen videos on youtube about productivity channels being a waste of time, and that's true, because I've wasted my time, I haven't dedicated myself to certain passions like Mathematics since I dream of being a mathematician or reading a book that I bought and that is why when I saw those videos I realized that I spend a lot of time on KZbin and I would not want to waste my last years of high school I would like to at least learn something outside of school , so I would like you to recommend me how I can watch your productivity videos because what I want is to improve my study system, retain it, learn new things effectively and read quickly and effectively Or, anyway, if they don't respond, I'll unsubscribe from their channel and try to find one that knows how to listen or take the time to empathize with my situation, but if they don't respond, then I'll have to continue as I am now.

[@HeatherHolt]

So no one respects my boyfriends opinion, his boss his parents his son his friends, he’s too nice which is good after my last relationship being abusive, but it makes me frustrated to see him capitulate to everyone just to “avoid confrontations.” I go out of my way to pull his thoughts and opinions out of him, to include him in decisions, to not let him get away with “whatever you think/whatever you want” constantly. And now I’m the only person he will push back against, which can be so frustrating when we argue but I’m so glad to see him finally stand his ground and speak his mind… even when it drives me insane and I wish he’d just do what I say 😂 but I’m happy to see it happen and I’m happy to see him stand up to his “friends” (who made fun of him for quitting drinking so… are they really friends?) and his boss (even if it’s only 1/30 days) but he will never stand up to his parents lol and that’s ok. Tiny victories and all.

[@rick.austin]

Cole how long did it take you to do this piece of art? 😁😁 please tell me two long weeks. You managed to make me laugh, and got me depressed and hopeful within a single video 😅 Wonderful message, and the way you designed this video is just, well, great. Damn, I work so bad to be able to publish a video per week, and I'm not even close to a tenth of your quality. Really, wonderful channel my friend. The search for "getting a natural spine" from the spineless with the spinal tech is a wonderful metaphor of the real struggle that timid people experience.

[@lejnm6914]

everyone started somewhere, keep working hard and you will achive what you want🫶🏻

[@DioZandro]

I feel you bud, the quality was insane! I'm not gonna be able to make a video like this in years lol. And like lejn said, everyone started at some point. Your time will come!

[@rick.austin]

@@DioZandro I wish you the same!!!

[@prernabakhtar6200]

Now.this was needed

[@Foxyfreedom]

Jordan Peterson says. “Be a monster and then learn how to control it.” It’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

[@ColeHastings]

Kind of a dangerous saying since I know so many people will misinterpret what he was trying to say

[@BudLightBeerOfStarCommand]

You need to be a monster at cleaning your room

[@Kasmanian]

You don't need to be monster, you have to be something even scarier- honest with yourself. Then learn to control yourself. Trust me much harder than controlling any monster.

[@Dsworddance22]

Jordan Peterson is not the best role model because he seems to cry over small things and lets also not forget his freakout over his Twitter ban about Elliot Page... plus his moral panic over transgender people

[@LaciRae]

@@Dsworddance22 Jordan’s energy alone, is reason enough to not look up to him. he gives off excessively bitter & absolutely miserable vibes.