Why Do Addicts and Alcoholics Lie So Much

Ever wonder why addicts and alcoholics lie so much? Not sure how to deal with it when an addict or alcoholic lies to you? If your loved one has a substance abuse problem, then they're probably not being totally honest. This video, by addiction expert Amber Hollingsworth, is full of expert tips on how to deal with lying.
In this video Addiction, Expert gives advice to family members about how to deal with lying from someone with a substance abuse problem.
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[@PutTheShovelDown]

😱Watch This Next: How Addicts/Alcoholics Manipulate (Part 1) kzbin.info/www/bejne/mXmbqIued6iBhNE

[@CornbreadJenkins34]

I lie to my girlfriend sometimes to cover my addiction.... I hate it so much, I cry over it. Shes such a precious person... I love her so much and I hate lying and I want to overcome my addiction but when it comes to my addiction its so hard to overcome.... I was 32 days clean but had a relapse and now been struggling for the last week .... Being an addict sucks and I hate being a liar. During those 32 days I feel like I had so much honesty and integrity but since my relapse I've been off the rails....im so sorry

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm impressed with your humility and willingess! Here's a link to get access to my FREE 30 Day Jump Start Program: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/30-day-jump-start

[@purestqi]

Hey bro hope you’ve been well I know your comment was 3 months ago but just wanna say you’re super awesome for this level of transparency and I think that’s a great sign you’re on the right track. It’s hard and takes trial and error for a lot of us but you can overcome. God bless oh and also I’m almost 2 years sober of alcohol so speaking from experience bc I remember feeling like this before. This was very real

[@maevebathory666]

I have no compassion for you. You're a terrible person . Do better

[@brandon3636]

God I hate addicts and liars

[@EricaYE6]

Lying and sneaking around. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. Not fun at all. And b/c of that, I don't drink and I would NEVER date/marry someone who drinks. Not going through that nightmare ever again.

[@taylernoelle1]

OH! This is good stuff. I've never thought about rearranging my words to get them to tell the truth. Thank you for this.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Gotta be 5 steps ahead! Thanks for watching.

[@robinross5102]

Amen to that

[@tinkershell1856]

Wow! You are a Bada$$! I think I’ve figured out a few things from observing you...1) You know upfront they are likely going to lie to you, 2) You don’t take it personally so you’re not wounded, 3) You have no need for them to see you’re right, and they’ll see that eventually. My grandmother used to focus on what she wanted and made my grandfather believe it was his idea, like in “ My big fat Greek wedding” 😂 She didn’t need him to see she was right. She got what she wanted and he felt empowered! It’s a lost art that may be a tad manipulative, but everyone wins 😁

[@colettemitchell3412]

Amber I an so so thankful for what you do. Found this one today and it was what I needed to hear today.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so glad it was helpful!

[@gwillis01]

this reminds me of that famous Huckleberry Finn quote: "If you don't ask any questions, I won't have to tell you any lies" When I was in elementary school, [ back in the Stone Age ] I had to read four Mark twain books in six years. It was a state pride thing for the people who wrote the rules for what Missouri school children would study.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Perfect quote!

[@meganlarsen3797]

Dear lord...mine said I didn't ask the right questions....far out

[@3kidT]

My alcoholic husband lies about everything. I don't even ask about the drinking, he lies about money, bills, where he is going, seems he lies about anything and everything. I have to ask questions some times about finances, money, bills etc. So how do you deal with that??

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Tonya First, thank you for watching my video and taking the time to comment! I can see where you’re coming from.. in late stages of addiction/alcoholism the person does lie about everything. It’s like an automatic response. I would tell you to trust your intuition (it’s pretty much always right!) sorry you’re in such a crumby situation.

[@steelethescene]

Divorce him! They'll secretly drain your savings, drain their retirement, not go to work, not do anything that's important to YOU, not pay any bills and leave you with nothing but DEBT. Some are so skilled u don't even know they drink -- if they have a chronic illness the treatment can change their chemistry and they will not smell of alcohol. They will hide the bottles and you may never know. If u discover u are with an alcoholic, divorce them immediately before they leave u in the lurch. Your safety trumps everything, even your marriage cows. They are not honoring those vows, they are breaking the contract, so just save yourself. They will drain u of everything if u don't: your money, security, mental, emotional, physical & spiritual health, your sense of reality, and so much more. Even if they get sober they will continue to lie and be irresponsible. No addict is worth losing yourself for.

[@whiskersredwood7903]

@@steelethescene so true. No person is worth the trouble.

[@oldschoolzen1579]

Your content is amazing and thank you for the service you provide.

[@shannonkaban4388]

My husband lies about everything when he’s drunk and sober. I know not to comment when he’s drunk. When he’s sober I call Him out on his lies, he gets upset and picks a fight. How do I handle that.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Shannon, Starting a fight is likely a deflection technique. I'm going to put a link to a video about that, here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/naiVl6Rsg8eAqKs

[@robinross5102]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you I'm also interested in that. I no longer date an alcoholic but when I did he would do what Shannon describes and he would also disappear over night. Glad it's over (2012)

[@lisaj9466]

You picked the fight when you called him out..lol

[@_DivineTruth_is_Home_]

thank you that was great :)

[@carolsage4325]

Parents told not to tell future daughter-in-law about son’s drinking problem. Advice given by social workers, recovering friend of 15 yrs. and others. Up to son to be truthful with her. Truth is out now after wedding, son never really shared the problem with her before the wedding. She hates us all.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

That really is a tough situation, Carol! I think you guys were in a no win situation either way.

[@kristinlarsen9575]

The right and ethical thing to do what have been to tell her. What a terrible secret to keep from her. No doubt this has ruined her life.

[@jacquelinehunt7794]

Don’t blame her she had a right to know.

[@Hammerzippy]

I appreciate your videos. I feel I have been picking when and what to confront about. I follow these basic paths. But we are way down the road here. My ex-husband says he is an alcoholic. He has already been to 2 detox's and 2 inpatient rehabs over the last 4 years. Needless to say how all of it has continually negatively affected our child and myself. At this point, he still lies about drinking. He has clear patterns and signs, it's the same ole stuff same cycle. . I am so beyond over dealing with him and his inability to co parent. How do I just protect myself and our child from all of his lies and inconsistencies. I never wanted to be in this position. He calls in to me with all his lies and excuses, I am the one who has to always have a plan B. It takes a toll on me . Financially, emotionally physically. It has continually been disruptive to my ability to live a peaceful life. He can't hold a job. He is living off his grannies life saving and is draining it and nothing to show. He hasn't made a home for our child with him and he has had years ample time and the means and support. It's just not happening. So now what?

[@maddie8351]

My child’s father lied to everyone about having brain cancer for two years because he didn’t want to admit he had a drinking problem. It was to the point his body was shutting down and causing his “brain cancer” symptoms.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow, that's extreme!

[@stacychampion6739]

Excellent advice that i needed to hear! Thank you so much!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thats awesome Stacy. I'm so glad it was helpful! How did you run across our videos?

[@stacychampion6739]

Put The Shovel Down you came up on my You Tube feed. I have been looking for advice on how to deal w/ my husband’s additions. We’ve been married almost 27 years... it’s very heartbreaking & no amount of pleading & threats have worked. I’m looking forward to binge watching your other videos this weekend! You have great insight!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I'm so glad you found our channel. You're situation is exactly what the channel is for! Let me know if there is a specific topic you'd like to hear about.

[@stacychampion6739]

Put The Shovel Down will do!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Stacy, I'm trying to do some research on how to best meet the needs of our online community, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind chatting with me for a few minutes (it should only take about 15 min or so), to tell me a bit about your situation, what your needs are, what's helpful, what's missing, etc... If you'd be open to that, just shoot me an email at [e-mail] and we can arrange a time that works for you. And, if you have any questions for me about your specific situation, I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have as well.

[@gwillis01]

Famous alcoholic spouse line: "I'd like to tell you how much I drank but I lost the ability to count after the seventh drink."

[@PutTheShovelDown]

so true

[@user-vf3fg1gl7pMsSandy]

Excellent..I call it..pick your battles with a master method plan in place in which they no nothing about. Works every time right up to the final stage of admittance within themselves to finally accept and commit. The key is if that person has the self-respect to finally move ahead and leave the addiction and keep recovering one day or minute at a time. Thank you for your inspiration. You really are great! 😊💞👍👍

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Well said, Sandy! You and I are on the exact same page! Couldn't have said it better myself.

[@user-vf3fg1gl7pMsSandy]

@@PutTheShovelDown I have just mentored and guided the man I love for the past 6 and a half years..one gradual tiny step at a time..I have now closed the growth and left him in the hands of professional psychology..reason it took soo long was extenuating circumstances and then covid for myself to close the growth and grasshopper stages as I call them..lol. It's all up to him now..an incredible man of 75 years old..I could not have mentored more more more in emotional intelligence and respect. Key words key issues and pick your battles wisely. Smiles and thank you soo much for your reassurance that I have handled this correctly. Its a tough job but someone has to it..lol. self-respect and emotional intelligence😊💞👍👍

[@crissieroserose]

good advice

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Thanks Crissie! How did you come across our videos?

[@EllysaE]

Man, I understand why they lie. But I hurts like hell. I’ve stopped asking questions. Absolute trust killer. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, he’d look me dead in the eye and say no.

[@majaibrane]

I can finally explain to my husband why i couldn't be honest with him so many times even though i wanted to so bad. The no tolerance rule made me cry... Everything is on point in this vid. I wish i lived in the states to have a therapist like u

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Maja, I'm so very happy to hear this video was helpful to you!

[@Christine-qe5zj]

I have no where to get away from him and his drinking. I'm not good at this.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Even if you’ve had a hard time in the past, that doesn’t mean you’re “not good at this”. This situation is difficult for everyone!

[@Christine-qe5zj]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you. I'm trying hard to put your advice into action.

[@warriorofgrace7124]

Honestly my man will tell me about his drinking probably cuz he knows it doesn’t bother me as much as the drugs. But I do now! Alcohol is just as bad in my opinion. But your so right! Also when I got sober off weed I never liked talking about my journey..why is that? Longest I was sober was the 9m of my first pregnancy. I never really talked about it.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

There could be lots of reasons why you never wanted to talk about it. The first one that comes to mind is that you might feel some kind of shame or embarrassment about it?

[@jenniferpoland8886]

Alchohol is a drug

[@brendareed5050]

Should we call them out on their lying?i don’t probe and ask questions, I believe she tells me lies to guilt trip me to feel bad for her because there is always something that she wants.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

In most cases, I'd say just leave it alone!

[@brendareed5050]

@@PutTheShovelDown thank you, that’s what I will do.

[@deborahstarman9874]

Listen for what they're not telling you. I have learned about giving myself wiggleroom in my words. Those ultimatums are not good for anyone. At times there's no choice though. I think I am learning some of your craftiness. Years of practice. I am not as delicate as I once was. No room for it. Once you have lived through him sleeping around your skin gets thicker.

[@hennyriung5105]

I am very ashamed of myself. and I'm also ashamed to ask for help

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Henny Riung addiction affects many lives and causes people to do things they never would have otherwise. It’s okay to Reach out for help help, and one days you’ll help someone else conquer this thing too!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Henny, I'm trying to do some research on how to best meet the needs of our online community, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind chatting with me for a few minutes (it should only take about 15 min or so), to tell me a bit about your situation, what your needs are, what's helpful, what's missing, etc... If you'd be open to that, just shoot me an email at [e-mail] and we can arrange a time that works for you. And, if you have any questions for me about your specific situation, I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have as well.

[@christyfallinger8716]

I just want to scream at him and his lies and cheating

[@keith2o9]

do alcoholics often hallucinate or can alcohol cause someone to hallucinate? I have three grandparents who are deceased, my sister is a drunk, she claims she sees their shadows or dark figures around her room at night when she sleeps. She lies when she's drunk so it's hard to believe. and do they often blame the world for their own faults?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Kee Lee hi Kee Lee. Thanks for watching. Alcohol doesn’t cause hallucinations that I know of but, Alcohol Withdrawal can.

[@cameronaerobics398]

Put The Shovel Down my Mum used to hallucinate - a few days before she died, she said she saw kittens and bunnies in my bedroom.

[@mickmurphy87]

But could you positively reinforce positive behaviour

[@PutTheShovelDown]

For sure!

[@jenniferpoland8886]

Why do addicts lie to their spouses??

[@mccallartllc]

My boyfriend lies to me and puts me in danger when he drinks I don’t know how to handle a drunk I need help please

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Don't be around him when he's drinking.

[@mccallartllc]

He lives here

[@mccallartllc]

I can’t self defend myself I am a wheelchair user

[@trollsnotwelcome7805]

Isn't saying i can tell you have been drinking putting the shame on and if they're not sober will you even get anything other than an argument at that time? Plus they may not even remember you calling it out so not sure if that would work

[@mississippimud7046]

So just don't talk to them at all

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Mississippi Mud that’s definitely one way to go about it!

[@AllisonWinchester]

He lies over and over and stole my money I kicked him out not coming home disappeared

[@keridesireeGerBaldi]

Ultimatum !

[@donniehollingsworth1611]

Ultimatum

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Donnie Hollingsworth what would your ultimatum be?

[@alamamagator5488]

It doesn’t work

[@westonsrules6147]

🤷🏼‍♂️🤥😡

[@PutTheShovelDown]

westonsrules 👋🏼😁

[@jeandixson5610]

Get on with it

[@jeandixson5610]

That’s ridiculous

[@jenniferpoland8886]

You don't make alot of sense.

[@yoya4766]

One version of you is enough, no need to have the 2nd screen.

[@annieyummmm]

Do you feel better now that you’ve been rude?

[@yoya4766]

@@annieyummmm truth hurts?