"Why do I both want and NOT WANT friends?" ep.119

Ask Kati Anything ep. 119 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. Do you have any advice for someone who doesn't have friends or a relationship, but both wants and doesn't want any/it? I have social anxiety, so making friends tends to be hard to begin with, but I often feel bored and lonely and want... 1:03
2. I'm curious about why we would imagine bad things happening to us. Often, I imagine I'm being hurt, not identical scenarios to past traumas but similar themes. I've been curious about this for a while and have noticed I tend to lean into it when my SH & ED aren't really helping enough, almost as a punishment... 24:25
3. I recently listened to an episode where you described looking into the past too long as a form of self harm by impeding healing. Is there ever a point where you can look back at a life forming event that was in some way traumatic without it impeding healing? If so, is it all about... 33:58
4. Ever since I was a child I used to 'go' to a fantasy world I created in my mind when I'm not feeling safe. Well, I'm still doing this at 25 and I feel very ashamed because of it. My therapist asked whether I could tell her what happens there... 38:28
5. My question pertains to inner child work and emotion regulation. I record my virtual therapy sessions to help myself remember and process what we work on each week (my therapist’s suggestion), but when I get stuck in a depressive spiral, I rewatch (and rewatch and rewatch) the portions of my sessions when... 45:30
6. How can we stay in the 'healthy eating habits' path? I feel like I have too emotional attachments to food. I love different cuisines, I love desserts, love eating out and I love trying out new flavors, so I adore eating overall! I try to recognize patterns, for example when I reward myself with food after a long and hard day.... 52:37
7. Why do some people gravitate towards healthy coping mechanisms and some people don’t? I’ve been struggling and I just keep trading one bad coping skill for another. First several Ed’s then SH then drinking. Once I realize what I’m doing is bad I’ll stop but then a new one pops up... 1:07:18
8. Happy Thursday! I think I may have experienced some religious trauma. My question is: How do I figure out what I believe in and what my own beliefs are and unlearn what I have been taught through church and my upbringing? I hope this makes sense. 1:14:10
***Timestamps provided by the wonderful AnnieKate76 ***
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[@mandidavies6254]

Clicked right away! Question of my life 🙃

[@jameslarry7314]

Hello 👋

[@Katimorton]

Good morning everyone!

[@nikkimckay860]

Good evening Kati questions 1 really related to me and was kinda triggering 😢

[@adamwells6079]

Growing up, I was always encouraged to "clean my plate." I grew up in a very thrifty household where nothing went to waste and throwing away food for any reason was always discouraged. Even at restaurants, I was encouraged to finish everything so we could make sure we got our money's worth. Hunger/fullness cues are kind of a foreign concept to me.

[@lizbergh]

Same. I think this was incredibly damaging to my relationship with food

[@scenepunk09]

Yes, I literally just commented about that right before I saw ur comment!

[@MathewRich]

The question I’ve been trying to solve forever 😭😭😭

[@LessThanThree76]

I’ve always wanted to feel like an important, interesting, well-liked and funny part of a friend group. But I’ve never had the social skills or the mental stamina to be able to do that, sadly. Costs more than it gives.

[@seashells1460]

I highly relate to this. sometimes I even get there but somehow I lose my grip on the social upkeep and I refuse to play certain social games. so people end up excluding me. which triggers me so bad. I have no trouble making friends just the upkeep with it most of the time. it's either that or I'm super enmeshed with one friend and it gets too complicated/emotional and one of us bounces

[@LessThanThree76]

@@seashells1460 Exactly like this! The upkeep is such an energy thief. I also highly relate to your comment regarding ONE friend. There’s just no way of winning this.

[@anniekate76]

Timestamps! 1:03 1. Do you have any advice for someone who doesn't have friends or a relationship, but both wants and doesn't want any/it? I have social anxiety, so making friends tends to be hard to begin with, but I often feel bored and lonely and want... 24:25 2. I'm curious about why we would imagine bad things happening to us. Often, I imagine I'm being hurt, not identical scenarios to past traumas but similar themes. I've been curious about this for a while and have noticed I tend to lean into it when my SH & ED aren't really helping enough, almost as a punishment... 33:58 3. I recently listened to an episode where you described looking into the past too long as a form of self harm by impeding healing. Is there ever a point where you can look back at a life forming event that was in some way traumatic without it impeding healing? If so, is it all about... 38:28 4. Ever since I was a child I used to 'go' to a fantasy world I created in my mind when I'm not feeling safe. Well, I'm still doing this at 25 and I feel very ashamed because of it. My therapist asked whether I could tell her what happens there... 45:30 5. My question pertains to inner child work and emotion regulation. I record my virtual therapy sessions to help myself remember and process what we work on each week (my therapist’s suggestion), but when I get stuck in a depressive spiral, I rewatch (and rewatch and rewatch) the portions of my sessions when... 52:37 6. How can we stay in the 'healthy eating habits' path? I feel like I have too emotional attachments to food. I love different cuisines, I love desserts, love eating out and I love trying out new flavors, so I adore eating overall! I try to recognize patterns, for example when I reward myself with food after a long and hard day.... 1:07:18 7. Why do some people gravitate towards healthy coping mechanisms and some people don’t? I’ve been struggling and I just keep trading one bad coping skill for another. First several Ed’s then SH then drinking. Once I realize what I’m doing is bad I’ll stop but then a new one pops up... 1:14:10 8. Happy Thursday! I think I may have experienced some religious trauma. My question is: How do I figure out what I believe in and what my own beliefs are and unlearn what I have been taught through church and my upbringing? I hope this makes sense.

[@nikkimckay860]

Anniekate76 .thank you for the timestamps as always also I got sad and emotional because I could understand and relate to question 1 because everything that was in that question was triggering my social anxiety has been a part of my life for the last few years I don't have any friends but I both want and don't want friends too I don't go out much because I get anxious being around too many people Kati s advice was comforting though

[@PrestoJacobson]

As for 1:14:14, there's a huge exmormon /LDS community on KZbin! Nuancehoe, Lexi, etc. For general Christianity, I also listen to Matt Dillahunty. He was a baptist for ~20 years. Useful video, Kati!!

[@savanahthompson4845]

Your makeup and powder look great ❤️

[@askkatianything]

Thank you so much 😀

[@tigermay8812]

OMG , just realized what i suffered with , toxic emeshment , supporting my parent , as she was never emotionally available. My mind has been blown , and this has been a revolation for me for my next steps. Thank you.

[@Joshualuv13]

While i have friends ..i feel.same way about dating these days .It feels like a major pressure and gives me acute anxiety, but it's worth working through for it for close friendships .

[@nameluc955]

I just want to say thank you for answering my Q (Q 2)- it was really helpful to know it wasn't weird and also for the example of how to bring it up in therapy!

[@blackheadedgull8571]

Hi Kati! Thank you so much for an amazing episode once again! I am very happy that you have discussed AvPD! There is only one thing that leaves me thinking… you mentioned something about a possible misdiagnosis as people with AvPD are rather on their own. Please do not take this as critique but your comment made me feel a bit insecure and made me wondering what other diagnosis would then suit better? As I am diagnosed with avpd and am longing connection but also dreading it at the same time. I always thought that this longing was a distinctive characteristic for avpd, compared to for instance Schizoid personality disorder. Could you please maybe clarify this in an upcoming episode? Thank you so much!

[@FloppedASF]

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is a Cluster C personality disorder characterized by excessive social anxiety and inhibition, fear of intimacy (despite an intense desire for it), severe feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, and an overreliance on avoidance of feared stimuli (e.g. self-imposed social isolation) as a maladaptive coping method.[1] Those affected typically display a pattern of extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and rejection, a belief that one is socially inept or personally unappealing to others, and avoidance of social interaction DESPITE a strong desire for it. she is in a wrong for this

[@youtubeposter3814]

Hello (sorry about commenting on your old comment). I am licensed as an LPCC. Yes, AvPD most often includes someone desperately wanting connection but fearing others too much to be able to form relationships or even make contact. Schizoid would be much more of a dismissive attitude toward relationships.

[@tiggerbops]

Katie! Two things. First of all I am between therapists and thank God for you. Listening to you has helped so much and also your voice is so soothing. Sometimes I put your videos on and just lull to sleep listening to your comforting words. I know I need a therapist but for now I just want you to know what you do is so important to all of us. Second. I hear you giving yourself some negative self talk sometimes and I wanna jump in and hug you. You often say "does that make sense?" I often say to you in my head, yes!! Katie it's brilliant!! You work so hard to explain your points and what you say makes so much sense. If you need any validation, here it is. 😉😉 You freakin rock. Thank you for getting me through this period while I find the right person to help me go forward❤

[@sasham6486]

I love your podcast so much. Thanks for all the amazing work

[@askkatianything]

You are so welcome! Thanks for listening :)

[@lemsip207]

A really good film about the sunject of friendship is Napoleon Dynamite. He starts off in the film as having no friends and then ends up later in the film with two close friendships with other outsiders and becomes more respected. That's because he does the opposite of what people in authority (teachers, therapists, doctors, and social workers) advise us to do. He stops pretending to be someone else to impress the jocks at school. Then his grandmother in whose house he lives then goes away on holiday, and his smarmy Uncle Rico comes to stay to look after him and his brother Pip. Napoleon hates Rico and doesn’t want to be like him. When Rico tells him he was a jock at school, Napoleon decides he doesn't want to impress the jocks anymore and embraces his nerdiness. He then meets two new people, including Pedro, very similar to himself and they become firm friends. He learns to dance in his own way and becomes Pedro's campaign manager when Pedro runs for class president. When he dances on stage for Pedro's campaign the audience applauds him. He attends the school prom and gets a lift there by two gangsters who deliver him to the venue and no harm comes to him. Then there is Ladybird about a girl from a struggling family who attends a private Catholic school despite her father being out of work, her mother being a hospital nurse, and the family not being Catholic. That's because there were stabbings at the nearest public school and her mother doesn't want her to go there. Her older brother and his girlfriend live with them too. Its about findibg yourself and not having to fit in at home and at school. Ladybird belongs to the drama club at school with her best friend and her boyfriend. Then she finds out that her boyfriend is gay. She is befriended by the bad girl in her class who lives in a big house and sees a lot less of her best friend. Then through her new friend she starts dating someone in a part time rock band. It all comes to a head when they go off to the school prom with her new friend's boyfriend as well. Then her boyfriend suggests going to a party instead. Ladybird has been looking forward to her school prom for years so refused to go to the party. Instead she gets out of the car and calls on her old best friend instead and takes her to the prom as her 'date'. She learns the hard way that you need to be loyal to your friends and not try to fit in with the cool, bad kids because their parents are wealthy. This goes against what we are advised to do. We are urged to get into the latest fads (Stanley cups, iPads and iPhones, for example) and activities at the peak of their popularity to fit in with the majority of people. I was into yoga classes in the 00s but then it got even more popular and then at the peak of their popularity they were a miserable experience as the trend chasers came along but who didn't really want to be there. Other fad activities have been salsa classes, zumba and choirs and now the latest is wild swimming in organised groups. Social prescribing is all about getting people into these fad activities.

[@benttranberg2690]

Learned something new now - my situation is like 1. Yes, I have AvPD, but I didn't expect you'd catch on to it that easily from what I thought was ... I guess I thought I was somewhat unique in this area too. Don't understand why now. I'm blind to the effects of this darned thing. The abnormal has become normal.

[@dixielott]

I'd really like to ask, I was brought up in an emotionally neglectful, sexually abusive household with a lot of domestic violence and other stuff. I've been in therapy for over 2 years and I'm doing well. I would like to have a child at some point in my life but my upbringing makes me pull away from the thought. How do I know if I want a child for the right reasons or to fill a void my parents never gave. I'm so scared that my child could suffer the same things I did, though I know I'd never neglect or harm them. How do I deal with this anxiety?

[@annellealexander4025]

Hello Kati and AKA fans! Happy Thursday 😊

[@miniharez]

My situation is I was in semi long term relationships my whole life, meaning 6 relationships that lasted on average 18 months. a few were traumatic and the others were not. but now that i’ve sobered up from alcohol 2 1/2 years ago i decided I would not date or hook up for two years to work on myself. well fast forward to today, when I think about being in a relationship it seems too overwhelming. From time to time i want a relationship, but at the same time I think of all the hard work that goes into a relationship and it seems not worth it. Ive had a great time being alone and enjoying the freedom of not having to think about another persons feelings everyday and to put my time towards what fullfills me. but its in our DNA to breed so I feel like this urge is coming from my lizzard brain to procreate and thus to put it better romantically, find a girlfriend. But also I could be using this as an excuse to not put myself out there again. I know there may not be a whole lot to work with here, but what are your thoughts katie? -sleepless in Breckenridge, CO

[@nikkimckay860]

Hi everyone question 1 really relates to me and made me sad and emotional because I want and don't want friends and a realationahop my social anxiety has been part of my live for the last few years I want to meet people and make friends but I have a lot of social anxiety around meeting new people and makeing new friends but the thought of meeting new people and haveing friends that I'll need to meet up with and keep in contact with is triggered to my anxiety the thought of just being around people makes me anxious I haven't had any friends for so long thank you for answering this question and for the person who asked it 😢

[@nikkimckay860]

Kati Morton. I'm so glad for this new Thursday s AKA podcast iv been going though a very bad depressed episode this week and also my anxiety around my operation tomorrow at the hospital your calming soft voice and seeing you always helps to ease my mind 💜

[@nikkimckay860]

iv never been in groups things iv been trying to meet new people online because I haven't been able to get myself to go out much and the thought of meeting new people is anxiety triggered I'm struggling to get past this

[@jameslarry7314]

Hello McKay 👋

[@scenepunk09]

Kati, what about people who feel like they have to finish their plate because they dont want feel guilt about wasting food because money is tight. And they learned this behavior from their parents as a child. What is the thought process to get out of that kind of habit?

[@favored81]

I just ordered the The Emotionally Absent Mother... I'm hoping to heal from my mother wound.

[@FloppedASF]

Thats not what avoidant personality disorder is, some with this disorder fantasize about idealized, accepting and affectionate relationships because of their desire to belong. They often feel themselves unworthy of the relationships they desire, and shame themselves from ever attempting to begin them. If they do manage to form relationships, it is also common for them to pre-emptively abandon them out of fear of the relationship failing. Avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire for it.

[@blimeyhermione07]

Just out of curiosity because I’m a makeup nerd: what powder do you like to use?

[@liadanlei]

If you're comfortable sharing, I would love to hear about your process and journey of finding the right therapist for you. What questions are you asking? How are you determining if someone is right for you or not?

[@aboomination897]

This video title attacked me.

[@LisaEti]

I am eating less than I used to because of another illness lately. Or I think that I do not need that much food, water anyway in that moment. I am not avoiding it by my own choice, at least I think that way. I was wondering if it is "only" a symptom of my other illness or could it be an eating disorder too? Thanks a lot up front. Regards Lisa

[@johanattangonzalez8165]

I got boundaries I'm just trying to reach out I got Mental Health

[@DrPatrickKingsep]

Hi Kati and others on this platform, interesting topics you are discussing today... Good question about wanting and not wanting friends and relationships - good discussion about this! Enjoying alone time but also wanting people around...many people feel this way I think. Maybe having people in the periphery around you can be nice without getting into a friendship with them? Relationships are difficult for so many people aren't they?

[@sharondahan2418]

I have a genuine question and don’t want to hurt anyone with it. Do you consider religious dietary requirement an eating disorder ? Thank you

[@elysagarcia2239]

Where can I send questions for future podcasts?

[@dawncraig3340]

How do we get to the place where we are curious and not judgemental about if we're binge eating?

[@bluedot7817]

I don't do friendships, I think we've abstracted so much information exchange through technology that conventional friendships have become inconvenient and costly. That is unless one is illusioned by inclusion or looking to gain reproductive access. I have no utility for either. There are possibly other neurochemical explanations for the dependencies of interpersonal relationships, touch, eye contact, but overall idk if it's vital.

[@Iwasjustwondering89]

Why do you talk like a robot? 😂

[@bluedot7817]

@@Iwasjustwondering89 Autism but the fun kind people tell me. Comes with wry dry wit preinstalled, with an album by Bono Vox, like some old apple product known as ipod. RIP Steve, or rip media off the web like it's 1999 and we're using napster.

[@Betterhose]

I guess I should give out a trigger warning for my comment. Don't read this if you are struggling with low self esteem and/or negative self talk. I'm in a similar situation as the person in the first question. However, for me, my very low self-esteem (part of my depression) is the driving force behind it, not social anxiety. I have no problem starting an inconsequential conversation with strangers but I actively deny myself the chance to develop a friendship or romantic relationship. My assumption is always, that people are better off without me in their life so I should stay away from them. Obviously this creates a very nasty negative feedback loop. Low self-esteem leads to self isolation because people see me as a nuisance. Self isolation leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to lower self-esteem because nobody cares about me. Whenever I had a seemingly positive social interaction with someone I tell myself that they were just pitying me or that they were acting polite. That means that in my perception/reasoning there are no genuine, positive interactions I have with people. But while I tell myself to stay away from people I would like to have friends and I know that it would be good for me to have friends. It is the same push and pull dynamic. I know that bridge statements can help against negative self-talk but my mind became really good at coming up with counter arguments and evidence that disprove anything positive I can say about myself. Even the "coulds" and "maybes". And when my mind successfully disproves something vaguely positive I say about myself I am left worse off than at the start. I wish there was some kind of factual, scientific evidence that I am not a worthless piece of shit and a burden for everyone who comes into contact with me.

[@rinaldsriters6505]

Look up Alexander Lowen, some excerpts from his book Fear of Life (good book, largely based on Oedipal story though) ''The challenge to modern man is to reconcile the antithetical aspects in his personality. On the body level he is an animal, on the ego level a wouldbe god. The fate of the animal is death, which the ego in its godlike aspirations is trying to avoid. But in trying to avoid this fate man creates an even worse one, namely, to live in fear of life. Human life is full of contradictions. It is the mark of wisdom to recognize and accept these contradictions. It may seem like a contradiction to say that accepting one's fate leads to a change in that fate, but it is true. When one stops struggling against fate, one loses his neurosis (internal conflict) and gains peace of mind. The result is a different attitude (no fear of life), expressed in a different character and associated with a different fate. Such a person will know the fulfillment of life...'' ''It is said that people learn from experience, and in general this is true. Experience is the best and, perhaps, the only real teacher. But when something falls within the area of a person's neurosis, the rule does not seem to apply. The person doesn't learn from experience but repeats the same self-destructive behavior again and again. For example, there is the person who always finds himself in the position of helping others. He responds eagerly when someone appeals to him for aid. Afterward he feels used and resentful because he doesn't believe that the person he helped appreciated his effort. He turns against the person he befriended and resolves to be less available and more critical of the need for his help next time. Yet when he senses someone in difficulty, he offers his services often even before they are requested, thinking that this time the result will be different. But it happens again as before. He doesn't learn because his helping has a compulsory quality. He is driven to help by forces beyond his control..'' ''Such behavior can be regarded as neurotic because of the unconscious conflict that underlies it. In the case of the man, part of his personality wants to help, another part doesn't. If he helps he feels resentful, if he doesn't he feels guilty. This is a typical neurotic trap from which there is no way out except by retracing the steps that led into it. There is a similar unconscious conflict behind the behavior of the woman. That conflict is between her desire for a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship with a man and her fear of such a relationship. Mothering a man is her way of attempting to overcome her sexual anxiety, for it allows her to deny her fear of surrendering to a man. By acting as a mother, she feels needed and superior... ''

[@MNBY123]

Hey Katie I was wondering could you do a video on childhood trauma and the feeling that you scared people off or make them uncomfortable also dealing with people just don't get it well don't understand why you couldn't tyalk about the trauma before and are talking about it now My psychiatrist says it's difficult to believe my trama just because I didn't tell him for a long time maybe even years I was in 2014 I was a younger teen and I was molested and actually assaulted by females two older staff but it was an incident before that that was just physical abuse but then and different night was sexual and they were on top of me and physically doing it to me my tauma happened about eight years ago I wasn't meant to go to that psychiatric hospital there was nothing wrong with me they just accuse my friend of being a bully and I walked down and then it up not realizing that the middle of the night that I was still outside certain like a pony boy thing from the outsiders where he falls asleep outside and goes home in the middle of the night Long story short I was about to go up to my door when they caught "found me I was not in a danger to myself others I just had a dead phone and no keys I ended up and then place simply because I acted like a teenager that I was at the time Somehow telling me my psychiatrist just never occurred to me I guess I didn't really tell anyone I had a bit of a type of amnesia possibly I guess and also that I did not know it all what occurred at the time I didn't know wha sex was I don't want people thinking this was just in my mind or that I have schizophrenia instead of PTSD or CPSD What happened didn't really fully hit me that like it actually happened until they sent me to that place again few months later luckily those females were not there at thAt time after I mean was still feeling the trauma and things but whenever I will try to mention it to someone or really even think about it too much I would forget and also I was having uncontrolled speech and kept reliving that situation in terms of very weird flashbacks and nightmares I don't wanna sound like hypocrite but it's almost like the trauma and self cause different kinds of PTSD like psychotic like they were still out get me that they were hurting me

[@jameslarry7314]

Hello 👋

[@arock4775]

#katifaq Idk if this is still how people ask questions anymore but here we go... Lately I have been absolutely un-motivated. I cannot keep a routine, and have difficulty getting myself to complete the most simple tasks such as brushing my teeth or making my bed. As I read this back to myself I can see that this sounds like textbook depression, yet I feel like a fraud and as though I am making this all up. Every once and a while (often in the evenings) I'll experience a spark of motivation and I'll clean my room and write a new detailed routine on a stickly note (which of course I'll never follow through on.) I'll write a detailed list of things I need to do to "pull myself together." By the next morning I'll have reverted back to my un-motivated "normal" state. I don't know why I'm like this. I am a female teen and wonder if this is just "hormones" (which bothers me and makes me feel as though these emotions or lack of emotions can be discounded so easily.) Here's another tidbit of information: I've been self harming for almost 7 months now. There are a variety of reasons despite never having been abused, and having had a healthy childhood. I can be quite insecure, and am also sensitive. I may be a bit of an over-thinker. At what point does one need to reach out for help? How would I approach my parents? Do I even need help? (I know the answer but feel I need someone else to tell me so I can feel validated.) That's just one of many "can of worms" so to speak. I would really appreciate it if you could answer my questions. Your channel has been a great help for me, and I am really thankful I found it and that someone like you is willing to put so much work and effort into creating this healthy environment.

[@scenepunk09]

Go to the community tab on this channel. She makes a post every sunday asking for people's questions. She makes the posts at different times of the day so people have more of a chance to comment early because the earlier comments tend to get picked more.

[@arock4775]

@@scenepunk09 Thank you

[@scenepunk09]

@@arock4775 no problem

[@OrangeCountyFilms]

Let's go!

[@dawncraig3340]

The Great Sex Rescue and The Making of Biblical Womanhood are good for religious trauma if you are still a believer... not sure if they are is you aren't. But both talk a lot about the problems and the impact of those especially purity culture and misogyny.

[@Jalentheuntold]

I love the podcast. I feel like she’s picking better questions and not just the ones with obvious answers or questions that can be answered by watching her videos. I’m glad she controlled her swallowing more because the sound was irritating (obviously a personal issue) but now it’s manageable and I can enjoy the podcast! I particularly like her answer about the religious one. As a spiritual God believing person myself, I always want to understand others turn from Christianity. But what I observe the most is the trauma you guys endure is from false teachings. God is about love and no one have the right to judge you or command you to hell. I agree with Kati about finding a bible and basically starting over. I also like her stance on being born sensitive because I haven’t had major trauma in my childhood. My parents were awesome and I am a twin but yet I struggle with bpd and he’s completely emotionally stable. Idk if anyone will read this but I just wanted to give my 2 cents. Have a good life! 😀

[@Jalentheuntold]

I also laughed at the food for 2 weeks explanation because I literally ate pizza for 2 weeks for lunch and dinner because I moved to Texas and I’m poor lol.

[@derrickk773]

There is a nonprofit called the Secular Therapy Project that has a free database of therapists familiar with religious trauma.

[@bethelshiloh]

Want a friend? Be a friend. To have relationships takes sacrifice. I only get into relationships if the Holy Spirit tells me to.

[@jameslarry7314]

Hello 👋

[@true4585]

Nice comment ❤

[@merrittceleste]

It's crazy... I've watched you on Where My Mom's At?, but this is the first podcast of yours that I've watched and you mention Jehovah’s Witnesses and I'm an ex-Jehovah’s Witness...😄

[@bethelshiloh]

Honestly? This sounds like a very selfish person. We are relational. That’s how humans are created. This person poses the question as if it’s all about them and what they can get out of a friendship or a relationship without any consideration what they are to give. If I sound judgmental, I don’t care. A lot of the social anxiety that we have from the fact that we’ve learned to do something else for someone else just because it’s a good thing to do.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Lol, people are scary.