Why Does My Wife Lie To Me?

You were deceived. Your wife lied to you. But even after the deception, there’s this one question that continues to circle around in your mind. You’re wondering: “Why did my wife lie to me?”
In this video, you’ll hear Dr. Joe Beam’s insight on “lying” and the three motivations that cause people to lie. Some people lie because lying is their natural “go-to.” Other people lie in order to put up a safeguard around themselves or around the ones they love. There are even people who lie in order to keep something secret; to avoid an unwanted conflict or outcome.
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It’s important to respond in the right way if you discover your wife is lying. Now, we aren’t justifying the fact that she’s lying to you, but it’s important that you respond in a respectful, calm manner that can help build your relationship. However, if the lie or the issue in your marriage seems too big to handle, or feels like a crisis, we’d love to help. We have resources that have helped thousands of couples and we’d love to help you too.
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[@user-yy8zb2xh3t]

Another reason for lying, is when a woman has created a “narrative“ that defines her life, and which she uses to justify her own dysfunction or destructive behavior in the marriage relationship. For example, she has anger issues, avoids intimacy, isn’t willing to subject her own desire for self-determination to the greater interest of the marriage, etc., so she creates the narrative that it is her husband who is at fault for the conflicts, the dissonance, and the lack of fulfillment. Once the “narrative“ is in place, then she needs to bolster it by whatever means necessary, including distortion, deception, and delusion.

[@TheEdgeLord]

That is about the best and most clearly defined answer that correlates for my wife's behavior, that and she never wants to be held accountable to anyone

[@NH4x4Jeep]

My wife has stated that she sees no wrong (& feels no guilt about lying to me) and has no responsibility towards me or our marriage. She denys her emotional affair & has spent our heating money on gaming/gambling. I feel it's misogynistic to blame the victim rather than the person who could be accountable for their own actions.

[@user-yy8zb2xh3t]

@@NH4x4JeepI think you mean “misandristic”, but yes, I agree.

[@callmefrog76]

That last point is bogus... lying to me because they’re afraid of my reaction.. BS, they shouldn’t be withholding or lying in the first place

[@Superado2006]

If your habitually lying because you continuously are doing something wrong and are unwilling to give them up then that person is not afraid of your response, they are afraid of doing the right thing and are unwilling to give it up or the good of the relationship.

[@yewo.m]

I've personally witnessed it, because some people react in an irrational or overblown way when you tell them the truth

[@mikesecor6074]

a liar, that gets called on a big lie, but lies about that, can never be trusted again. NEXT

[@JM-xi8uz]

I found out my wife has a facebook and she lied about it,she lied but all the clues were

[@drive55tostayalive81]

Sounds like making excuses for woman lying. One lie and you are done.

[@brendanperrett8248]

When your wife has to make lies to cover the lies she’s already told then I knew instantly to get a separation. Gone through this and over the past few months but getting better each dsy

[@darrelburnett5375]

Not divorcing a cheating spouse only makes you an enabler. I made my wife tell me who the man was that she cheated with. I gave him a life lesson about the devestation his actions caused. I then went home and packed her bags and sent her packing.

[@user-xs5vv6mm6j]

Now that made me feel better! 😂

[@furball8967]

Me too!

[@JM-xi8uz]

I catch my wife in lies like a mf, but i let it be for the sake of my kids with her,i kno one day itll b over when my kids grow up im gone

[@AhmedAlkhuzaie]

Walking the same path here. Not an easy one, but feels like the responsable one.. be blessed

[@boxingsage5675]

You are not alone brother! I’m in the exact same position

[@pittmannn1]

Same here.

[@AnFurthermore]

I leave it to God . I’m trying to. Going day by day. I search for him to make me happy and she does the same. Change is a habit tearing and repairing in each moment your present. I give it to God because I can not do it . Were present to remember not to return there. Blessings on you brothers God is good. ”The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.“ ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭18‬:‭2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

[@realtalkwithpat]

Calling BS on the last reason. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Lying is not acceptable in a marriage. Period. If she is willing to lie about stupid small stuff, why would you possible believe she wouldn't lie about a serious thing?

[@user-xs5vv6mm6j]

Exactly

[@yewo.m]

I personally witnessed it in my own upbringing, because some people just react in an irrational or overblown way when you tell them the truth

[@stevemines6870]

She is the third can. She lied because she knew I would leave.I love her still.but she can't be trusted.I lovemy son fine me a new woman one day

[@MiyagiNariyoshi]

My wife had hidden accounts where her parents gave her 60,000 dollars in loans. Hidden credit card and other bank loans. She lied about it over and over. I asked where all the money went she said she doesn't know. She then gets mad at me for questioning her.

[@monforttransport]

Leave immediately

[@NH4x4Jeep]

And have you remained calm & found out why it's YOUR fault? 😂 That's called CO-ENABLING & is a rabbit hole of its own!

[@Stage3motorsports860]

I love how you turned them being liars into our fault smfh

[@uncafunk]

My wife of 37 years lies to me and withholds information and the truth from me . Even when you know it's an out and out lie. But she tells everyone else pretty much everything about us.

[@pimpc442]

My wife is all 3.

[@user-xs5vv6mm6j]

😂dang!

[@stevemines6870]

I do wish I had known Of you before I lift. If not for me than for my son. We both worry how it might effect him. You all do GODS work

[@greglmna7578]

Thank you! 🙏 Would you be able to address the cases where the Betrayed spouse discover the affair through the spouse of the Affair Partner ? Thank you so much for your healing content

[@Zero-gp5im]

Protecting herself.

[@Zero-gp5im]

Self esteem belittled.

[@Zero-gp5im]

How about if you are constantly questioned about why I make or clean a certain way, corrects me and such... I get sick of it. Sometimes lying is an avoidance of him constantly correcting every method of my life. You get to realize you are not liking them or loving them with this way of control. No more control so a lie begins.

[@notone4540]

If you don't make and clean things in the way that pleases him and his corrections irritate you, it simply means you don't love him. Lying is deception.

[@BumbleBee-ob5je]

My wife gave money that I gave her to her sibling. When I asked she denied. This is not the first time she lied.

[@shannonmooney8479]

The first one. No doubt

[@kennyplay5982]

Yo, Dr Joe

[@paulavidales7196]

You have a lot of good information that others could understand and use !!

[@benong6927]

Mine is the get out of trouble liar.

[@miker9793]

At the end when you say setting boundaries that put her in an emotional prison, what do you mean by that? Could you or anyone give any examples of that type of behavior?

[@MarriageHelper]

Hi, Mike! In this podcast, Dr. Beam explains the dos and don'ts of boundaries: www.blogtalkradio.com/marriagehelper/2015/12/08/the-definitive-guide-to-boundaries-in-marriage

[@hugostiglitz8855]

Marriage Helper We’re you describing women or liars because I can’t tell the difference.

[@modelismoaescalatijuana3653]

Dear joe. My wife cheat on me. And i know she is not tell me all the truth of her affair of 5+ years. She telling me that she dont remember a lot of thing that i ask. This is her only words that i hear went i start asking way about her affair. So what type off lair is my wife. Protective lair?

[@goodcitizen3999]

Find the strength to get out of that relationship on your terms. Get proof and confessions(recorded). She will leave you and blame you for her bad behavior when she is ready and you are not. If that happens as a man you will feel like her punk and you are. This will eat at you and bring self loathing. Get DNA tests on your kids, and get the power lawyer to hit her hard on your terms . You lost the marriage at least win the divorce. Sorry for your situation.

[@therevenant320]

Itzai Argueta you need to dump her ASAP. I’m surprised you’re still with her! 😳

[@CedroneTravels]

ron Kay best answer right here

[@mjperfume1523]

I know whats going on i know i know i know, that’s exactly what he does humiliating me when ever he feels like to

[@maxlasater]

She lies about getting on social media. At the beginning of the relationship we agreed not to have it but I have caught her twice on it

[@therevenant320]

Ineedtp that’s a small thing! No big deal! You’re lucky she doesn’t lie to you on a regular basis and it’s very normal for them.

[@lloydturner7017]

@@therevenant320 No it's not, no man wants to deal with the thirsty dm's or simping that goes on. Social media is definitely why relationships don't work anymore. We have a fight, she hops online.. everyone strokes her ego and tells her she deserves better.. She lets it get in her head.. She's hooking up with some thirsty guy in the DMS. People are constantly fishing to upgrade and aren't satisfied when they have a good thing. Seen it so many times.

[@gameshot586]

Some lie because they’re a cheating pos

[@Akziis]

My wife broke her phone for the 10th time. I told her she would break the phone again. Shes so clumsy. Its unaffordable it gets me upset. This last time she said she dropped it from her locker but it was clearly dropped from a moving car. And it caused a huge argument. I guess I'm too controlling and she fears my rejection from what I understand at mark 10:30 I need to change my approach thanks.

[@georgew.5639]

She lied about me. What’s worse, it’s assumed that I’m the liar and worse.

[@user-yy8zb2xh3t]

Your third category is a bit simplistic: “ you’re making her lie because you’re too controlling.” In some cases there may be some truth to that. But, human nature from the garden of Eden has always been to hide, excuse oneself, and rationalize. It doesn’t have to be a big issue, nor does the husband have to be “making her” lie. The bottom line is, unless there is danger to life and limb because of telling the truth, lying and deception and distortion, in all its pernicious forms never is justified, never is helpful for strengthening a marriage, and it needs to stop. If a husband is being over controlling, Abusive, or miss treats his wife in various ways, those matters need to be addressed separately from this one.

[@Drew-sc4rk]

All three

[@Zero-gp5im]

Not trusting his love for his spouse.

[@tammyohlsson7966]

That’s my husband! So tired!

[@donnaking3344]

I NEVER lied to my husband. NEVER.

[@PC-dc1kv]

Never say never

[@goodcitizen3999]

Are you sure about that, you are a woman?

[@therevenant320]

Donna King lol you’re like a needle in a hay stack!!

[@WhiteDervish]

Your husband is so lucky. Let him know that before he underestimates.

[@noypi21stcentury]

You just lie right there 🙄

[@juststatinfactssv4989]

I feel like I need to call you.

[@MarriageHelper]

Hello Juststatinfacts SV! You are welcome to call our office at 866-903-0990 and we would be happy to get you connected with a Client Representative.

[@mr.wright9867]

What if she is all 3

[@pimpc442]

Same question

[@mjperfume1523]

He drops enough hints to let me know what he really happening its a childish game

[@juansosa2475]

Divorce!!!!

[@mjperfume1523]

He couldnt care less if he hurt me. The more he hurts me, the hapoier he is, i dont beleve him ever, he plays the game it sa secret, none of my fk business

[@shirleyblevins79]

So according to your videos it doesnt matter if it is wife or husband lying the reasons are the same. People better off talking together and handle their own relationship. Want to save your marriage be open and honest from start to end. Otherwise the liar knows exactly why they are doing so.

[@George-Aguilar]

This is the worst

[@maxlasater]

If she is the one lying should I be going with her t get help

[@joehall2419]

@ron Kay mom

[@somethingelse4878]

A family member is the first one Shes lied none stop over nothing

[@jinaseverinsen98]

That sounds awful. No one deserves to be treated so poorly. God bless you and hopefully her heart will soften.

[@jhsemoxitha3821]

Why are you still with her?

[@mjperfume1523]

Shes sick she isa controller isnt she

[@mjperfume1523]

Change it to husband

[@lokinggoodbrowneyegirl9557]

You are a lier Rachel Rio Hernandez to the man you live with and married. Your not in love with aan that married you. I need to tell him so. Send this to him

[@Zero-gp5im]

Sarcasim

[@benong6927]

Mine is the get out of trouble liar.