why i dont talk about bad experiences living in korea, relationships, imposter syndrome 🤍 q&a

[@caricakes]

Depending on if you grew up with social media or not, do you feel a pressure to have every moment and space in your life feel 'picture perfect' or aesthetically pleasing? Drop your thoughts and your decade here lol!

[@roufidas168]

yes definitely! but even without social media I feel things will go in order if things are in place in my perfect image I have set in my mind and in order to relax, things should and must be aesthetically pleasing.. it's tiring

[@pockettangerine]

i think because i grew up with social media being more prevalent in my teens and early twenties (i’m a 98 baby) i felt a lot of pressure to create and post things that i thought people would find beautiful because the desire to be well liked on social media was strong. when in reality, every little thing in my life wasn’t as clean and put together as i liked to make it seem online. at the end of the day, creating a space where your’re comfortable and happy is so so important but it’s equally, if not more, important to make sure you’re doing it for yourself and not for people around you. and life is messy and everything isn’t going to be picture perfect all the time, which is normal and ok. it just took me a while to understand and accept that

[@hafnnhaf]

I am a 2000s kid and I definitely feel like we have this social media “image” of perfection and stuff. Everyone has a desire to present their life to everyone else and show everyone all the good moments and stuff. That really takes a toll on the mental health of my generation.

[@cookiejar.mp3]

I mean I'm young and not really? I really love to make things aesthetic but I don't feel pressure, but this video made me wonder how much of this love for "aesthetics" is genuine as opposed to it being caused by social media subconsciously? Regardless, if I am having ugly days I don't feel bad and I just don't... Post it? I kind of use social media as a chance to make things aesthetic or record naturally aesthetic moments, but I don't let myself feel pressure, I think...? Lol

[@oneearedmusician]

I was, in a way, grateful I didn't grow up with social media. I was born in the late 1970s and computers weren't even in the classroom until I was in the 7th grade. For that part, sometimes I wished there was social media so I could have interacted more. I didn't start using social media until I was closer to your age when ICQ and AOL came out. (I'm really showing my age here! LOL!) Still, now days everything is about social media for my KZbin channel, Instagram and Facebook. Forget about having me on snapchat and so many other social medias out there. And already I feel like I have this complex every time I see people's lives that are 'picture perfect" and I end up comparing my life to theirs. I think I'd love to see more raw, real life struggles when we don't have it all together. I love this video you made because you are being vulnerable and I appreciate that. I talk a lot, as you can tell by my writing. I guess I'm trying to say that I think it's good to show when you aren't at your best and you aren't doing that great. It's perfectly okay to be not okay. You know what I mean? I think if we portray our true self instead of being picture perfect, then our mental health in social media would be a lot better place.

[@abbigaleedwards9920]

This feels like I'm having midnight talk with a sister!☺ loved the cozy, sit down chat! Always enjoy listening to you!

[@caricakes]

thank you :')

[@MC-ko2mx]

That creepy dude who followed you did *not* know what he was up against. Do not mess with Cari and her protective ajummas. Glad you're OK, Cari.

[@caricakes]

shout out to the ladies who work at cool mart!

[@Akira-ui9og]

Dude cari is much creepier hehehehe

[@caricakes]

@Hasta Lavista idk man, the guy who followed me home for 30+ minutes was definitely the creepier one in that situation 😅

[@SodawhanChannel]

This is the most relatable Q&A ever. Even when I have a ‘stable’ job, I still feel the insecurity. I believe it will be with me forever. And Imposture syndrome is real! I hope i can deal with it better but still not figure out the way to do so. Glad to hear we are on the same page. It feel less lonely.

[@caricakes]

definitely, we're not going through any of this alone!

[@roufidas168]

I love the mic idea with q&a 🧡 feels like a podcast

[@caricakes]

hehehe thank you!! i liked it too!

[@FalafelSam]

I've found at 30 that I can manage the things that were difficult in my 20s a lot better. At 30 there are also different issues that I have to face, but I walk into everything knowing at least like 60% of what I need to do, instead of being mostly clueless in my 20s. You'll still have to take a couple of leaps of faith now and then but you've made it this far so you have a reason to trust yourself a little more !

[@caricakes]

agreed!! being at the end of my twenties and looking back, we were really walking through life without a whole lot of tools ahhaha

[@user-cv7fh9kd1k]

I thought I would figure out what I want to do and become when I turn 30 in my 20s. This year I turned 30 and I'm studying at university again in a foreign country (Sweden) as a Korean. I moved here when I was 25 with my Swedish wife and hopeful about my future and a fresh new start. I learned my 3rd language, studied maths, physics and chemistry again to get into uni at the age of 28. I got accepted to the program at the top engineering school in this country I wanted to study. However, this year I got a quite immense mental breakdown getting into a mild to semi-severe depression. Isolation, language barriers, relatively higher degree of difficulty of the studies, social pressure of my age, which led to low self-esteem, loss of confidence and lack of motivation, all these factors contributed to my depression. Along with that, I began to doubt if this is even what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don't know, maybe I pretended and hypnotized myself that this is what I want, because having a degree in science and engineering is cool and can provide safety to an extent. I have a history of quitting (studied art in high school at a private 학원, English literature at university in Korea, computer science at university in Sweden, and finally switched to electrical engineering) so I am disappointed with myself that I can't even accomplish one thing in my life even at a mediocre level. I know what I like, I like creating something, especially music production. I have enough materials to release a full length record. But, reality. It is very uncertain and intimidating to push myself with this as my career. Also, the other side of myself tells me that I don't want to ruin my passion and hobby by turning it into a means of living. I feel lost. My wife suggested us to move back to S.Korea and run our own business (a nordic interior retail shop) after graduation. It's actually an attractive idea to me. I'd love to work in a place where I have control of my own tasks. For me, work has to mean something to myself such as exponential self-development and input values resulting in visually representable outputs above merely money. But again, it's like dipping one leg into the realm of uncertainty and risk. I'm also terrified to try another new thing since it means I'm starting over from zero again. I have submitted my gap year application to school. Because I cannot continue my studies like this. Will I continue my studies? Will I start a new thing? Where will I end up? I have absolutely zero fucking idea. But, we will see where my life will lead.

[@beautyeditorandmua]

Thank you for your story. I wish you best of luck 🤞🏻. And clearer skies ahead.

[@hong3840]

모든게 잘될 겁니다 앞을 향해 천천히 나아가도 좋고 다른길에 들어서도 좋고 뒤돌아가도 좋고 그게 인생이죠 님을 지탱해주는 멋진 가족과 친구 지인들이 있을 거고 그렇다면 충분히 괜찮은 거라고 생각해요 또 님처럼 여러가지 길에 도전하고 경험해보고 싶어도 아이디어의 부재, 열정의 부재, 환경 여건의 부재로 못하는 사람도 많을 거라고 생각합니다 각자의 리그에서 최선을 다하고 나름의 행복을 찾아 살면 그걸로 된거라고 생각해요

[@Jordan-xg4pn]

Lycka till! Går typ igenom samma sak :) men kämpar igenom det då det är sista terminen.

[@AliciaGarcia-qy9hk]

really enjoyed this discussion and afterwards reading the comments here! such a lovely thoughtful community behind you cari! ✨ i’m 30 (also a ‘91 kid- and my bestie who has red hair shares your same bday!!) and have been off most social media (fb, insta, twitter) for 1 1/2 years now. i’m certainly in a much better place. i never had aesthetics to begin (or any that i thought good enough) with so 🤷🏼‍♀️ i just didn’t post much, instead just compared myself to them. while i’m not totally free from that comparison, i’ve found myself creating my own aesthetic just for me and my own happiness. i find that i like this version better! thinking about all this i was reminded of a quote from a favorite film, before sunrise. in it a fortune teller tells the female character “You need to resign yourself to the awkwardness of life.” i’ve thought about that so much since first watching it. social media cuts out most of the awkwardness of life and then when you do encounter it, it’s a way bigger deal than it needs to be. (although the film i’m quoting is pre social media, so it applied before then too) i think i’m finding freedom in embracing the awkwardness rather than hiding it.

[@caricakes]

yes!! do not cringe at yourself, cringe at the part of yourself that cringes hahahha and omg is your friend my long lost twin?!

[@susanlee4402]

CARI! “You’d want a surgeon to know what they’re doing”. 😂 HAHAHA dead. And you’ve got this. If you write, you’re a writer. And if you finish a book, you’re just a writer who’s written more words. :) And know that I’m always waiting for this/any story of yours. Love you (and love your ajumma support system!)

[@caricakes]

love always!!!!!!

[@Sthemingway]

The way you summarize the premise of "If I Had Your Face" makes me think it could be a Sofia Coppola film. I've got a full decade on you, so the concept of someone else's "aesthetics" in self-presentation (clothes, hair, makeup, mode of transport), decor (furniture, trinkets), entertainment choices (books, music, movies), and even body language as something you'd want to or should emulate out of desire, fear (of not fitting in or being belittled), or lack of ideas was the primary reason that celebrity and supermodel worship was a thing. Classic Hollywood actors and actresses from the 30s all through the supermodels of the 90s and early 2000s were the reason advertisers said you wanted that outfit, car, TV, etc. Social media's transformation from a way for non-strangers to keep in contact with each other to a way to soak up the opinions and tastes of non-traditionally famous strangers seems inevitable. Nonetheless, knowing what you like and don't like in all manner of daily living as well as whether or not those tips and tricks would actually work or be a good idea for your particular life situation is very important. Who cares if your bedroom doesn't look like your favorite content creators? Does it have to? Do you want it to, and if so, why?

[@caricakes]

what you said about celebrity worship is so true! thats why i think celeb news is getting more sensational and paparazzi are even more vicious now - we have so much more access to celebs so normal things that would have interested us a few decades ago doesn't cut it :/ and yess such good questions to ask yourself!!

[@oneICY777]

Hi Cari! Glad to hear that you're doing well. With the whole aesthetic thing, I think that as one gets older, one will start to find more happiness and appreciation in the small things, where as, when one is younger, everything can be a bother. As for life, it will take us through detours sometimes, but we'll always find our way-- stay strong everyone... peace. ♡

[@caricakes]

❤️❤️❤️

[@aden9160]

i grew up without my older sisters in my life and watching your channel over the years, you've carried this presence of an older sister who imparts her wisdom before she sets upon the world again. thank you for continuing to create what you do 😊 you've inspired a younger version of myself that has pushed my current self into a hungry adventure of the literary/marketing/publishing world!

[@caricakes]

🥺🙏 and yesss go get it 👏👏👏

[@jaidahumphrey5369]

I’m moving to Korea in February + I really appreciate how real you are about the good and bad sides of the country! I feel way more prepared thanks to your videos 🥰

[@caricakes]

so exciting!!!

[@IrisInFilm]

The part about imposter syndrome really hit home. I have a lot of different fields of interest and have never been really talented at one thing. For a while I used to say I'm a writer or I'm a marketeer or I do whatever but I just stopped saying anything at all because people would just kind of assume I'd be really great at the things I said I did. Because I struggle so much with imposter syndrome it really felt like I was lying. The thing is, I feel like I now enjoy those things more as hobbies because I 'hide' them and don't feel that outside pressure, but now I feel like anything I've been interested in would never suffice as a job because I'm only good enough to do it as a hobby. You talking about it just made me realize that so many people struggle with imposter syndrome and it doesn't necessarily have to do with the amount of talent you have, but your mindset surrounding it. I hope anyone who struggles with imposter syndrome can just stare it right back in the face and push through despite that little voice telling you you're not good enough to do it. Because chances are very high you are good enough and just don't know it.

[@caricakes]

omg the 'feeling like i was lying part' - exactly :')

[@pauli_joy]

I think it purely depends on what kids surround themselves with As a 2000's kid born in a third world country,I didn't have a phone till I was 13 and I didn't even know wifi existed till 6th grade 🤣🤣 The world really did seem a lot bigger back when the internet wasn't as easily obtainable and for me personally I wouldn't say it's me wanting to make my life seem "aesthetic" but maybe just surrounding myself with pretty things,because looking at pretty things actually calm me down hahaha oddly enough. Like the cottagecore aesthetic in a larger viewpoint is something I would SO WANT but I don't feel pressured to like achieve every single bit of it So ye 🤣🤣

[@caricakes]

yes!! dreaming of living in a cottage is nice but not having it is also okay hahah i feel this :')

[@rixanoz]

I’m an early 88’er and I was always made to feel like a complete weirdo for just following my instinctual urge to decorate and surround myself with pretty things and clothes, but then come late Y2K/early teens and every tublr blog, thrift-tuber and mood board on weheartit kind of shifted everyone’s perception of aesthetic value 😆 I even got the title “The Aesthetic” at my college grad… I never aimed to be anyone’s cup of tea but it’s nice to have my expression appreciated.

[@caricakes]

omg 'weheartit' - that just unlocked a memory deep in my mind hahhah

[@rixanoz]

@@caricakes it was an era

[@sorablue5862]

I was a teenager in 2010s and my god was terrible. I remember I created an Instagram account when I was 15 because I felt "the need" of having it, because everyone was having it. I thought that I would feel better if I did, that I would feel included. That didn't happen. I stopped using Instagram a year later. I discovered that most of the people were faking their lives, and when I thought it was real it made me feel like shit because I thought I wasn't living my best. But the thing that really shocked me was that I was starting to get obsess with how many likes will I get, is anyone going to like my picture, they are going to leave any comments? And I was comparing myself all the time with others, with people I was seeing everyday and I really didn't want to see outside of High School. Then I was receiving messages all the time from people who just uploaded a photo, they were craving for likes and commments. A year later, I deleted all my photos and I only used Instagram for memes, jokes or whatever. But then people started accusing me saying that I was seeing their things (like pictures or stories) and I wasn't uploading anything. That I was being nosey. I was like wtf you are uploading your life when you are not even famous or doing something useful, and excuse me but I'm not interested in see your face in a bathroom mirror. So then I got mad and I deleted. Turning 21 and I have no regrets of deleting it. The best decision I could ever make.

[@caricakes]

yeah the blogging community has a lot of that - groups where you share the photo you just posted so that your friends can like it and 'boost it' but...for what? that was a pressure i didnt know about going into this field and still really hate. glad you were able to escape that!!

[@sorablue5862]

@@caricakes yeah. But I think what you do it's useful and you are not being self-centered. Like I feel that you're very humble and you do all this is because that you want to show something beautiful, interesting or useful. I like to spend my time seeing you because it makes me get relaxed and get away from my routine😅. But with all this people... was completely the opposite, they were just narcissist

[@delocian]

im born just on the edge of a turning century, and so im at that really weird headspace of living both the analog and the digital life. i like old stuff lol, but i also highly appreciate the convenience these technological advances offer to life. when it comes to aesthetics, i'd say that i agree with you. i LOVEEEEE pretty things, i love visually pleasing stuff, and i admire beautiful posts and people when they pass by my feed. my own social media accounts, in contrast, are ghost towns. maybe it all still boils down to preference or personality. i like consuming what others put out, and i sometimes want to create the same things as them, but fortunately, feeling that way doesnt escalate into pressure where i force myself to do what others are doing. i think it also helps that i dont really feel the need to share anything more of my life online. in short, aesthetics yes, invasive no 😃

[@caricakes]

absolutely this! and im so glad you're able to live without those pressures!!!

[@delocian]

@@caricakes me too~ thank you so much for this podcast-ish q&a cari, it's been very comforting (as are all of your videos 🥺) stay safe and much love! 🤍

[@IrisInFilm]

This made me feel so comforted

[@caricakes]

💕

[@AdieJos]

the "1st time-thing" really made me think... I've realized that we become wiser just because we go through more "1st times". I feel like I am much wiser today with respect to who I was as a teenager but I still have so much to learn from life, and I guess it's the same for everyone! let's not worry too much and enjoy life for what it is :) thank you cari for the chill video once again ^^

[@caricakes]

Exactly!

[@cathik4913]

Thank you for beeing here with us. I hope you'll have the best weekend!🧡

[@caricakes]

You too 🧡🧡

[@pauli_joy]

Omg this makes me realize you'd do so well having a podcast Also *sending hugs* ～(つˆДˆ)つ｡☆

[@caricakes]

sending hugs back!!! and omg dont give me ideas hahah

[@pauli_joy]

@@caricakes omg please I would love to see it your voice is so nice to have as background music too 👀

[@impano666]

I was thinking the same thing!

[@liamariavoelker4162]

@@caricakes yes, do a podcast please!

[@izumimimimi]

True! A cari podcast would be so great

[@milena_lf]

It's always so comforting watching your videos, they make me feel like home! I'm immensely grateful for having found your channel Cari! Lots of love from Argentina! 💜

[@caricakes]

thank YOU! 💜💜💜

[@karinanieblas3677]

I needed something to listen to while cooking for myself, thanks Cari 🌼

[@caricakes]

hope you make something delicious!

[@hafnnhaf]

This video was so relaxing and really hit home. I am super glad you are talking about these things bc a lot of ppl don’t feel super comfortable putting personal things like mental health and sexual abuse etc. out there. Thank you Cari. Take care of yourself. ❤️

[@caricakes]

take care of yourself too!

i loved this cari ❤️ your voice feels like a warm hug i can’t explain it

[@caricakes]

❤️❤️❤️

[@bailey_sachs]

THANK YOU genuinely hearing you say that you don’t know what ur future holds and that u think about how scary it is constantly makes me feel not so alone and I’m sure I’m not the only one! Ironically so so re-assuring to hear we all r insecure.

[@B_is_for_butter]

I grew up mainly in the 80s so social media totally was not a thing. While I sometimes think of it as the “good old days”, social media does provide a platform for more diversity in thought and give people opportunities to interact even if they are across the world.

[@caricakes]

exactly!!!

[@JK-ql2en]

So for the freelancing and the changes that one faces, after doing this for many years I find there is always some sort of path forward. What helps a lot is if you built up a small fund for that. Some of the more significant shifts I made were by taking a temporary hit on income and preparing for that was helping me a lot to stay independent …

[@CarliBABE16]

As a 94’ girl, I’m definitely so happy that I didn’t grow up with social media. I do use it now and I enjoy most aspects of it, but it doesn’t rule my life. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having an aesthetic to your life if that’s what makes you happy, but I honestly couldn’t care less about the aesthetic I present to people online. I’m honestly very impressed by people that have highly creative and aesthetic online personas but it just seems like so much work. Hats off to you, Cari 😅

[@caricakes]

hahaha yes!! and for me i think im lucky because i havent intentionally created a persona, my social media presence is just a collection of the best parts of my life/day so i still see my true self fully reflected in it. The second I start to stage things or try to make something seem vastly different than reality i feel off. I dont know how other people do it either hahaha

[@CarliBABE16]

@@caricakes oh yeah 100%! I hope I didn’t make it sound like you and your online self are separate or not truly who you are!!! I just mean I don’t have the energy to be as creative as you and so many others on social media. I’m the laziest poster on Instagram 😅

[@callmewaves1160]

This was nice and cosy! Watched this as I had my morning coffee, was like I was sitting down and having a chat over a coffee with you. Was a nice start to my day and for some reason helped me to get motivated to do a big clean of my house.

[@caricakes]

💜💜💜

[@PedroPedru]

ah this is everything i needed today. i feel so comfortable with this energy :^)

[@caricakes]

💖

[@ginak9658]

This really helped me slow down and think! Goal setting is so much easier when you're not moving at 500 mph haha.

[@caricakes]

definitely!!!

[@lizorillo-chan4603]

"Hard times is not forever" Thanks for reminding that these things wont stay. 🌻💚 Had a social media break recently, and now I'm having a cari cakes' uploads marathon 💛

[@TatianaKurnosova]

OMG Pressure to be aesthetic - this question has just hit me. I feel like I'm struggling so much when I feel there's no aesthetic around me... I guess it's a part of me being perfectionist which is most of the times gives me so many problems lol I've been overcoming this for years and finally I can say that it's OK. I try to focus on things that make me smile and make me happy... Enjoying the process of what I'm doing. And when I was growing up it wasn't an issue at all, I guess it has developed from my University years ( I majored in Architecture and Design) since everyone around me were super creative and wanted to create that magical perfect atmosphere around... Loved this q&a of yours, it made me rethink something that is actually really important for me 🤗💕

[@luluamu]

No one has to read this, I just ramble off because I want to (and comments are a nice way to support the algorithm): After learning about my adult adhd diagnosis, I've come to terms with that it is okay to be messy and not have an aesthetically pleasing home 100 % of the time (I try my best, but I won't beat myself for it anymore). But I get excited when it is tidy even more. And most people just show what looks nice. I remember from a looong time ago, Kim Kardashian said something about that looking like [that] all the time is really hard and exhausting. /she said while crying, probably due to being exhausted, if I remember correctly (I just want to point out that I am not a fan of her, I just remember it). Not knowing what direction I want to go with work life is mentally and emotionally draining. Even at almost 30. I've heard several proper adult say that they still don't know what they want to do when they grow up. One of them owning their own company. We're all doing this for the first time.

[@PoisonedApathy]

I guess the only good thing about daylight savings is that I can catch your videos before bed lol As an old millennial, growing up I only felt pressure when it came to aesthetics in regards to fashion. Being a Art Historian, I've always wanted to have a nice space which felt personal and looked beatiful, but I didn't care so much about everything having to look instagram ready, because I was the only one who saw my room ha! On another note, I have If Had Your Face in my to read list. Glad it got your stamp of aproval. PS: I miss MySpace so much. It was so fun, and drama free and I discovered so many cool artists on there.

[@caricakes]

myspace was truly the best social media and im glad we got to experience it :') and yesss i hope you enjoy the book!!

[@lg7747]

I am so glad you were addressing this. As a western woman I worked in Seoul and a crazy man followed and then grabbed me in full daylight. I cried for help but no one did. I managed to get free and took off, he after me. I hid in an entryway of a house. I was so scared and angry the same time.

[@christinefrazier]

Love the mic 🎤 and the sound! makes it feel like one of those chill radio talk show hosts

[@caricakes]

hahah thanks!

[@krystenmartin3234]

Love how relaxed this all was 🥰 it was really helpful advice to hear too! As someone who’s in their mid-twenties and feeling all that life uncertainty/imposter syndrome/etc stress, it was nice to hear someone saying that it happens, but we’ll get through it 😊

[@caricakes]

We will!!!

[@ceceveg]

Almost started tearing up when you talked about your 20s being a mess. I'm graduating this semester, leaving NYC and moving back in with my parents and soon I need to start my job hunt. It's SOOO scary, but it's nice to be reminded that this difficult period in my life be over at some point!! Thank you for such a great video! 💛💖

[@caricakes]

One day you’ll look back and be so proud of yourself!!!

[@yourmother1859]

listening to you whole cleaning my room

[@molly_lf]

❤️ '90s kid here. I feel like the socials, especially Instagram, are putting so much pressure on being aesthetic, to post only fully planned and beautiful photos. Most of the time it stress me out..

[@yoshimionline4348]

i love these types of videos! sometimes it’s nice to just chill

[@caricakes]

Thanks for watching!

[@Sarah-kp9mu]

I hope you take care of yourself and I love your videos❤️

[@caricakes]

Sending love to you too!

[@cami.5412]

also i’m going to university in korea next semester and this video came at just the right time:’) thank you so much cari for always giving us comfort joy and great advice!!!

[@caricakes]

🙏🙏🙏

[@DianeC1975]

Yes, it doesn't matter how old you are, you really don't know what's going on. I'm your parents generation and I'm still clueless.🤣But you just put one foot in front of the other and get on living your life. Hope you get some rest hon. 👍🤗💕

[@caricakes]

yes!! its literally all you can do :')

[@anyaguinzbourg8609]

I’m an early gen z baby so I kind of grew up in in between era of things not being online and then suddenly everything being online. All I know is that sometime during high school as people started posting things on Instagram, ppl started developing a personal aesthetic, so that now when my friends are all in university (or just the early 20s) we all kind of end up trying to maintain an aesthetic to show ppl our personality through our Instagram page. For sure social media has made all of us much more visual creatures than ever before haha.

[@caricakes]

very true!

[@joannejones363]

I was on the fence about reading if I had your face, now that Cari has read I'm defined going to check it out.

[@caricakes]

Yesss pls read!!

[@mayakashisagan4025]

Let me say that I like how honest you are about Korea and being respectful to the country and people at the same time. I see way to often (not just about Korea) people being really rude and disrespectful to the culture and the people from the country they moved in/are visiting. It's not that hard to talk about negative experiences on a place without acting superior or expecting things to be like your home country

[@rupidm]

I always enjoy your videos!! amazed by your Korean naturally slip out. wish you the BEST!

[@caricakes]

thank you!!

[@moralopez3213]

what a beautiful video🥺 i missed your q&as because i love listening to you talk while i wash the dishes or clean my house !!!

[@caricakes]

Wahhh thank you!

[@ashleigh_robyn]

hi cari and anyone reading this :) im in that weird part in my life where im really really insecure about my future. im graduating really really soon and I actually started applying for jobs today. dont think ill get any of them but i think i just wanted to believe in my self for the first time. ive always super anxious and felt super insecure about the future and i feel unprepared and so confused for whats to come. but im realising its kinda always going to be that way. and i reaaaaaaaally felt that part about your 20s being rocky. mine just started and trust me im so excited for whatever weird rocky journey my 20s are going to be but god am i scared. its terrifying but something about it being a universal experience that your 20s are just a mess is comforting. i literally cried when you spoke about it because it made me realise just how scared i am. anyway i know ill get through it and i know it wont be easy :) thank you so much

[@caricakes]

the big thing to remember about insecurity and imposter syndrome is that because so many other people feel that way, most people dont go for the jobs that they actually are qualified for or could jump into and learn easily, so just the act of applying puts you ahead of so many other people. I applied for an internship as a joke and ended up getting it and it is what started the whole career parth im on right now. give yourself a try!!!

[@ashleigh_robyn]

@@caricakes thank you cari!!! today was so exciting because totally randomly my lecturerer informed me of a paid internship he thinks i could definitely get into! i spent most of my day getting all my documents and i applied! i really do think i can get it! if nothing else im giving it a go :) i really am trying to give this believing in myself thing a shot. p.s. thanks for always replying it really makes my day sooo much! i tell all my friends about how happy it makes me

[@melon421]

As someone born in 98’ I definitely felt a pressure to have an “aesthetic” life and curate a nice looking online profile. I started using instagram around 7th grade, so I had social media for basically all of my teen years. I remember in high school my friends and I would talk about different “color themes” we’d have for our instagram feeds and we’d debate about which photos to post so they would look cohesive in our feeds. We’d plan hangouts specifically around taking photos for instagram, which a lot of the time ruined the fun of what we were doing. That being said, I think the pressure to be “aesthetic” mostly came from being artistic and just caring about how things looked visually. I ended up becoming a graphic designer, so not too surprising lol. But as I’ve gotten older I definitely put less emphasis on what people will think of my online profiles, and instead just post whatever I want.

[@dariarotaru6998]

This had major podcast vibes 😍 so nice and chill. Thank you for sharing.

[@caricakes]

Hehe thanks for listening!

[@tonikinsella]

I'm a '94 kid. I only ever felt like I needed the asethetic the past few years but now I'm gradually moving away from that, its made me a lot happier. I miss the myspace days.

[@davidherd1855]

Well Cari, that was different, what a lot of topics you have covered today. I was saddened to hear some of the earlier content, but i'm glad that you know how to look after yourself...... neighbourhood stuff, getting friendly with local folk, good call.... sensible 😄 I have often thought of how long you will keep up your vlogs for, I would miss you so much, but I know and respect you would have to change course at some point. Any chance of you giving comments on music.....the singers and their songs etc. I just don't want to lose you 😄 In 2020 I came across three girls who have been a constant in my life ever since, the first two I watch and listen to on a daily basis, then there was you who I met through your Edinburgh vlog, and I have been hooked ever since. 1, Angelina Jordan. 2, Aurora. 3, Cari. The above have made me cry, made me laugh, have cheered me up if I have been feeling down. I love the fact that I have been able to follow their story so far as one can. Big shout out to You Tube. As you have probably realised by now I am ages with your parents, (

[@Mariecmc]

I was born 1982 - before social media, cell phones, internet, and computers were just starting to be a thing. There was always a pressure to be fashionable and on-trend but the scope is more enhanced since social media has blown up.

[@nazuzel1784]

this felt like a podcast and I'm v happy about it 🥰

[@caricakes]

Wah thank you!

[@ysj5088]

I like this channel because have no 국뽕 and boring the first time experience thing in korea for the episode. Thanks for the QnA Video Cari.

[@caricakes]

LOL thank you!

[@tamara4557]

I grew up completely without social media, as a begin 80s kid I grew up without a cell phone. I do not cave to the pressure of social media but I see many of my age and older around me use social media as if their lives depend on it. I have closed off accountd only my friends can see so I can really share things as I am and don't have teh pressure to comform to a certain ideal. But the real struggle is how I learn my 7 year old daughter to use social media safely.

[@caricakes]

thats something i really wonder about too - re: children and social media. For me, I'd want kids further from computers, but my husband whose entire life revolves around computers thinks that might put kids at a disadvantage to not learn how to use them at a young age. who really knows!

[@Kokechii]

When you were talking about no-one really knowing what they are doing in/with their life, I was immediately reminded of one of my favourite quotes: " We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself? That is why life is always like a sketch. No, "sketch" is not quite a word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture.” - from Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (that book has like a million quotes that live in my head since the first time I've read it ages ago). Like, I get that fully. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have not lived this life before, so the only thing I can do is do my best. And even when I'm not doing my best, that's okay because we feel down and we fail sometimes too. It's human to do so. I don't know... just wanted to share. I'm glad to hear you are doing good!

[@caricakes]

🥰🙏👏

[@lovisa4680]

oh my god! after your last video i was going to ask if you could please do a sit-down-and-chat style video, but then i didn't because, really, just do what you want, and now here's that video! thank youuu!

[@caricakes]

telephathy~!!!

[@inubrother3524]

I'm now 18. Half of my life I lived along with social media on my reach. Being a teenager in this modern world is indeed different from the teens of the past would. Answering the question, yes I do get pressured to be aesthetic because I do wanted to live my life like that. But, recently I have been contemplating whether to just be true to myself or to look beautiful in the eyes of many. My friends always say that my instagram feed looks aesthetic, but still it is somehow lacking "showing" the real me. It ain't easy, but I am definitely growing from this experience. Let's be true and kind to ourselves

[@Maria-gm1sn]

Watching your old vids, really like you Q&A’s 😊

[@adultingisnotabreeze]

Omg, i love this. These are the exact words I needed to hear. Thank youuu! You have no idea how much you made me feel a little better. I wish you nothing but the BEST too, Cari!! Sml 💜💜

[@caricakes]

💜💜💜

[@bunitabeautiful]

Hi I'm a huge fan. I cannot end my day without watching and listening to your lovely videos. Love love love 💗

[@caricakes]

💗💗💗

[@patriciaa246]

Have you watched "Because this is my first life"? A very chill k drama that encapsulates the whole "first time in life" thing

[@NatokaS.]

I always get so excited when I wake up and see the notification that you uploaded on one of your channels, because that means that I can start my day with watching your video while having my coffee! :) Also, it was so nice to hear you talk about travelling to a whole new country when you're not confident in your language skills. I'm currently planning to study a year abroad in Japan starting september next year and on one hand I'm excited of course, but also quite terrified lol. I've been studying the language in university for three and a half years now but I still feel like I barely know anything. Your words gave me a little reassurance. :)

[@caricakes]

you will be so amazed by how much you pick up! i was pretty bad at japanese in university but i found that when youre in a situation where you NEED to use it, it just comes out!!

[@marenhumblebee2736]

These talking videos are perfect for listening to in the background, while doing the dishes or laundry ^^ love that about them!!! You could totally make one like this every other week, if you are taking requests 😜 and you might be able to "just chill inside" more often, if you felt like that was relaxing and refreshing for you.

[@caricakes]

[@marenhumblebee2736]

@@caricakes I have already started to read "If I had your face" and it's amazing 👏 😍 thanx so much for the recommendation😀 . I love that kind of story. Even though I usually read fantasy and "just want to be entertained". This sort of story is so moving and I love entering the points of view of these women. And then it is also so captivating from a cultural perspective.

[@insulaarachnid]

As someone born in the late 70's the internet/social media has created such a different world to the one I grew up in, both good & bad. TV, radio and print media still ruled the world, I didn't know anyone who had a mobile phone and they were huge bricks back then :-)

[@Bonecuddles_]

Also please do more of these sit down and chats I love them!

[@amorfati3559]

I’m a 90s kid and I have social media but don’t post all that much. I like sharing but I don’t feel that much pressure to be “aesthetic”. I think my life aesthetic is separate from the aesthetic I portray to the world. I want my house to be cozy and organized, I want to have cute things, I want to go to cute coffee shops, and I want to site by the fire reading a book. However, my drive to do those things is purely for myself. If I choose to capture those moments with a picture and post on Instagram, that is also for myself. I guess what I am saying is that I appreciated aesthetics before and independent of social media. There is an overlap but I think you can find ways to make your life aesthetic that have nothing to do with social media.

[@rockm4d]

being 31 i can look back and say it all still is a mess hahaha i had an existential crisis when i was an undergrad student and just dropped everything and started to work because i knew it wasn’t what i wanted to do. Now i’m finishing my dream degree and i cannot wait for what will come next because since i already worked, i know what i’m capable of when i’m financially stable. thing is, people, it’s never too late for anything and don’t be discouraged for what you’re going through at the moment, we’re all in it together.

[@caricakes]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@davidherd1855]

Part 2, sorry about that. Imposter: I hate the looking glass, shaving, brushing my hair etc, WHO is that person looking back at me, he does not look anything like the person I am inside, I am a much fitter, younger person than the imposter in the mirror. Getting older sucks in so many ways, but it also has it's benefits, so as long as I avoid my mirror time ( maybe I should grow a beard he he ). Take care Cari 😄XX

[@TheKuro17]

Havent watch you for quite sometime. i guess, that random video recommender in the sky told me to watch this video, as i am feeling low, dealing with imposter syndrom. Thank you Cari, i feel a little lighter. 💕💕

[@caricakes]

💕💕💕

[@Marianastarss]

I recommend so much the author and podcast "unpublished" its sosososoosos good!! It helps me a lot as a creative 🥰

[@toritorry]

I love this kind of chatting videos :) thank you for the fun time

[@caricakes]

Thank YOU!

[@staskakim7150]

That’s my first comment ever, but I felt I have to express how shocked I was hearing you like Wislawa Szymborska. I love her too! Greetings from Poland ❤️

[@caricakes]

Thank you for commenting hehhe and yes! Love her work 🙏

[@monicameza8944]

Good video . I always enjoy your coffee vlogs and gorgeous travel vlogs but this was so fun and enjoyable to watch and listen to . You have a relaxing voice .

[@caricakes]

thanks for listening!

[@elenasreadingcorner]

I was born in 89 and although my first Hi5/MySpace/Facebook page was in 11th grade, the social media back then didn't look like now, you didn't feel the pressure to share pictures of you or your space, it was more of a share pics of fave bands, movies, Tumblr pics and we also had to reach a computer to go on them, they weren't in our pockets at all times. That being said, I have always loved aesthetics but it's for myself. So I don't put pressure on myself to have a pleasing house or trinkets or stationery or whatever, it's just something innate I do if that makes sense. Since I was a kid I kept on rearranging rooms to make them feel pretty and new and buying stationery at the beginning of the school year was my favourite thing to do. We're so lucky though we had a social media free childhood/adolescence, I can't imagine how kids feel now

[@ellieb5822]

I loved this video. It felt so cozy.

[@caricakes]

thank you!!

[@Ykoz2016]

I didn’t grow up with social media either. And I never really took to it. My MySpace and my Facebook were actually made for me by my friends because they were sick of me not having one. I never posted, I was just tagged a lot so it looked like I posted. Briefly I had a job where posting was like networking so I kinda had to. After a while I realized that social media was not one thing, it was two things. Or a combination of two things that existed before the Internet. “Media” and a “social life”. So you can make “media” out of your “social life”, turning your home movies into beautifully edited professional films or your personal pictures into a magazine spread etc. This was the part I never liked and no longer have any accounts that do this. But you can also “socialize” with your “media”. Like this. Like speaking directly to a person whose videos you watch like a TV show. interacting with people online you have never met in real life. THIS is the part I like. Meeting and watching people around the world and expanding your experience of life through listening to them. Discussions in comment sections. Having your mind opened by the variety of it all. So nope, no pressure to be aesthetic because I made myself an active member of the audience rather than a performer in the online world.

[@roarmaus]

My favourite ground-me poem is Max Erhmann's 'Desiderata. ' Looked up Wislawa Szymborska's 'Nothing Twice. ' Lovely!

[@caricakes]

And I will look up yours!!

[@roarmaus]

D'oh! **Ehrmann.. 😳

[@nadializbeth3441]

ily cari this video hit like home 🥺

[@caricakes]

💖💖💖

[@PetiteDeRae]

Those candles are so cute!!

[@sarayaeuphoria]

i would greatly appreciate a video about your job in Korea! i always enjoy hearing about your experiences and insight. i equate you to the sister i never had lol, but also no pressure if you decide to not film the job-related video! sending you love p.s. i don't think you sounded preachy at all! i'm just gracious to you for sharing more about your life and opinions with us.

[@caricakes]

Thank you so much!!!

[@cami.5412]

i grew up w social media (i’m 20 rn for context!!) and i’ve never been pressured to keep an aesthetic. for me and where i grew up it was more so a way to keep up with one another but ofc there were toxic parts like comparing what you had to other people, etc. but nowadays more so ig i’m kinda feeling pressure to be more aesthetically pleasing if i want my peers to think of me in a good way BUT IM LITERALLY NOT BUT IM ALSO NOT REALLY TRYING BC WHO CARES AB WHAT THEY THINK????😭😭😭😭

[@AanSutaryatVlog]

Many experiences that inspire many people

[@caricakes]

🙂

[@grandmaninni5024]

Many hearts from me to you🧡🧡 Very interesting internet question! I have personaly chosen to not use social medias (except YT) for an indefinite amount of time because I want to learn/start living my life more ”out here” rather than on the internet as I think many if us early 2000s kids have… I find this to be very relieving to come out of that bubble and the ”expectations” but also just the fact that you do not have to keep up with anythin!! What a relief:) So much to say on this:))) Cannot fit in to a comment, but non the less fun and interesting topic! Have a great day!-loce from an 03 kid

[@caricakes]

i find it so interesting that people who grew up with the internet can choose to not really partake - you'd think us older people would be able to do it easier but hahaha

[@CountDownToOz]

If I had your face is brilliant. I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy of it and I just got it back out to read again.

[@caricakes]

cant wait to read more of their work!!

[@raqlcsta]

I grew up with social media and specially during my middle school years I felt so pressured to post aesthetic photos on Instagram, having friends online, posting and being the tumblr girl, that I experienced an oversharing phase, where I would post about everything and everyone. Then, when I realised I didn't have as much followers as my friends I would worry I wasn't good enough and because of that I struggled a lot with insecurity. Specially when you're 10 or 13 year old and the people on your comment section decides to make fun of pretty much everything you post. I still struggle on posting photos of myself (or anything) on social media.

[@lunabear2171]

2002 born, I started using social media(IG) when I was in grade 8 and everyone is obsessed with Facebook that time. I didn't use it but also didn't feel like I missed out anything cuz I focused only on my studies and only IG is the one I used to share my interests like anime and stuffs but rarely post my irl pics so, I don't feel pressure to be aesthetic 90%. Even if I shared, I just chose the one I felt good and it's ok not to be perfect completely since I just wanna share the moment or something as a part of me not about wanting others to see me pretty and it's not for them. But ofc there're times like Oh I wanna show this cute thing to my friends and posted it. But definitely not like Take a pic for me beautifully! I need to post on IG,FB. People only post good moments on social media for sure so, it doesn't mean that their life is super duper good irl. If that's real, it's a good thing to be aesthetic without trying so hard. Tbh, I felt insecure before bc of social media but I'm getting better and comfortable being me. So, it's cool ^^

[@miimoo1896]

Love this video this was so comforting 🥰💕

[@caricakes]

🥰🥰🥰

[@wiebke2398]

Love this q&a. The setting.. so cozy.. And your hounesty. Also the "old school" microphone.. your voice sounds really good with it... Greetings from Germany

[@caricakes]

Hehe thanks for watching!

[@amberaardenburg]

I don't know if you've ever considered this but I would love to buy like a course from you. About how you create your vlogs and your editing style. There are so many great youtubers out there, but you have such an amazing style of filming and editing. Would love to learn from you, just putting that out there ☺ Also loved this q&a and your honesty always 💕💕

[@kiranreader]

i spent a lot of time on tumblr growing up lol so i think i do desire an aesthetic life or elements of it but it's not something that i actively try to maintain or do all the time because that would just be impossible!

[@ydalir]

Wisława Szymborska! 🤩(vee-SWA-va shim-BOR-ska)

[@caricakes]

LOL thank you!

[@kaymm]

dunno why but this video made me miss you so much probably bc it felt like we were in a cafe chatting;;;;;;; sending you so much 🧡

[@mayishahaque2250]

when youtube stops being a job for you a couple years down the line (i’m hoping longer than that 😅), would you give up youtube? your vlogs are so peaceful and this q&a was lovely. it felt really raw and relatable in a time like this 🥲🤝

[@caricakes]

I have no idea hahha i always made videos even before youtube so im sure I’ll keep making at least little things :)