Why is everyone so worried about 'Narcissism'?

Narcissism is one of the more misunderstood terms of our time. We’re so aware of the bad narcissist - one whose overweening pride leaves them no room for empathy or kindness - that we are at risk of missing the central role that narcissism should play in the development of any healthy human.
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“Narcissism is one of the more misunderstood terms of our time. We’re so aware of the bad narcissist - one whose overweening pride leaves them no room for empathy or kindness - that we are at risk of missing the central role that narcissism should play in the development of any healthy human. None of us is able to thrive without a chance to deeply like ourselves. As psychotherapy recognises, we universally require a dose of what is termed ‘healthy narcissism’, a sense of our lovability and rightful place in the world bequeathed to us…”
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[@madisonkay_yay]

Yes I’m working on taking up space in the world without feeling guilty or undeserving. Healthy self-esteem is very important.

[@coleyod]

It actually makes sense when explained this way. We are fragile creatures who are just looking to be loved and understood 😢

[@JetJockey87]

I bought a $70,000 car in 2014. It only ever gave me happiness and joy on 2 occasions. When Strangers said to me "Hey man, Cool car. I like the style" Every other moment matters not to me, but essentially I paid $35,000 for someone to give me a genuine compliment

[@brocanova]

And we didn't choose to be that way. It's a constant struggle to find a value in relationships.

[@WovenPsychology]

I think it is important to remember the difference between narcissism and self-love. Self-love does not compare the self to others, whereas narcissism often has an egoic role in comparison with others. Self-love does not equal narcissism.

[@wisdon]

well said, words are important, narcissism is not self esteem

[@excripto1]

Thing is narcissists don’t love themselves to where they feel the need feel valued from others.

[@nintendokings]

Sounds like something a narcissist would say

[@WovenPsychology]

@friedrichkingston9923 is this in response to what I said? What part of my statement invokes a despise of narcissism? I was just clarifying two concepts insofar as I understand them.

[@WovenPsychology]

@@nintendokings Could you expand on this

[@trinaq]

“When we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist, we are entering a significant life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-respect, and resilience. Through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our connection with narcissists teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become mature empaths.” ― Mateo Sol

[@scottloveday1562]

WOW - what an amazing quote!

[@reid9584]

Yep

[@ashley_sprinkles]

"No one ever grew I'll from too much love" I love that 💕

[@Nickname006]

Thank you. My father is a narcissist and I am sometimes deeply scared that I am like him. I know I am not the same, but having some of those traits sometimes makes me hate myself. This helps me accept my flaws and understand that I can use these traits for the positive.

[@tex959]

​​​@@Chillwire2 "My father's behavior...." Regardless if it's our father's, or societies, or School experience; We do develop an image of ourselves through the lens of societal conditioning; for better or worse. "Societal" definitely involves parental figures too.. Forget how you can make yourself more acceptable to others. Every emotion, thought and action that you have, is a unique combination of genetics and prior environment. It just is without judgment; your judgment or the universe's judgement. You could equate 'the environment' to billions of influential programmed algorithms that you yourself, had little or no control over. When you have enough variables/algorithms, digital code starts to look organic. Especially in my case, since I'm on the autistic spectrum. 😂 All you have to do is ask yourself, now, and continually for the rest of your life, is, "will this decision be a win-win." ---meaning, can I do something that works for me and doesn't hurt or preferably helps someone else? If you get enough 'win-wins' under your belt, and everyone is different; all narcissistic tendencies will start to subside and turn into genuine confidence. Start with your health, your brain is part of your body. In that regard, by helping yourself, you are actually helping others because now there's more of you to share. 1. Don't try to please anyone 2. Find the "win-wins" 3. Hang around those that enjoy life; avoid the grumpy's, even if family. That's the best way to change your environmentally influenced algorithms. If you remove the emotion and look at life as a bunch of tiny math problems, it's easier to find the solution. Don't take it from me, give it a shot.

[@caha9583]

Relax with the diagnoses please! Old men can become more self obsessed, doesn´t mean they are like DOnald Trump. Its all on a continous spectrum.

[@Nickname006]

@@caha9583 How dare you say something like that when you are the one that does not these people personally? Narcissists exist, believe it or not.

[@caha9583]

@@Nickname006 Oh it´s quite easy, I´m just behind my computer and we aren´t going to meet so I can be more of a tough guy here than IRL. (I do also think that all this talk about this or that person being a narcissist is being way overly used today in general. But yeah, I have no idea about your dad of course)

[@CMStrawbridge]

The narrative surrounding narcissists is most damaging to those trying to recover from "narcissistic abuse". It's also really insane how our culture deems every unpleasant person a narcissist when the truth is obviously much deeper than that

[@HelgaCavoli]

Last phrase was my parents motto: too much love would harm their kids. And they didn't want soft kids. They wanted strong kids/grown-ups. So they did what they thought was the formula: treated us bad from the start. 😂 Yes, I do laugh about it now, after so much therapy, family constellation, self-care.. They didn't know better. Unfortunately.

[@aktywnyobserwator5868]

Thank you for sharing this, Helga ! Every case is individual...

[@thetruthspeaker1978]

You spoke my story..one big point I really agree with is that they didn't know better. I've had endless struggles and I needed to understand why so I could get better not find someone to blame it on. 👍

[@teal1010]

Loving yourself, self-esteem and self-confidence are a healthy part of development! Having a deluded sense of your importance which leads you to lack empathy and consideration for others is not healthy it’s dangerous!

[@gooderspitman8052]

Narcissist, the most overused word of our times and usually applied to a former lover.

[@brocanova]

The second one is toxic

[@Stephan__ox.]

I still have hope the word dies out from popularity 2024…

[@Christycat927]

Yes! I grew up with an actual narcissist for a parent (grandiosity, lack of empathy etc...) so it's annoying that it's now the catchall word for bad ex's... no, they are likely just not that into you or maybe just a jerk... doesn't make them a narcissist.

[@Present4]

As with most things, there is a spectrum for narcissism, going from healthy to hurtful. We just need to have more understanding and sympathy all around, even for the devils out there and within ourselves.

[@Cappellano]

“No one ever grew ill from too much love” Thank you! So many people think too much love will _spoil_ children, but I have yet to see a child who has been spoiled by love.

[@TerriTemple]

I appreciate your point. However, me and my sibling was raised in a Narc family. We were pretty much treated the same i.e. both were abused, mistreated, and neglected. However, I'm the only one who didn't turn into a narc. So yes we all need love for a healthy growth yet narcissism is mostly internal and sometimes genetic. So even when you try to give them the love, as you wrote they so desperately need, it still does not solve their problem cause their perspective is twisted. It truly is a mental illness.

[@MasterMoonClap]

I had no clue that narcissism had such a broad meaning. Come to think of it I've been working a lot in the healthy narcissism here lately and being exposed to unhealthy narcissism through relatives keeps me aware of stepping too far in the wrong direction.

[@ChiDante]

Amazing work! I can find alot of value in that, just two misunderstandings on my end: 1. Narcissist don't actually love themselves 2. Love has a wicked shadow we dismiss as "not true love"

[@paralleluniverse369]

_I bet you are watching this with one leg over the other !_ ✨

[@jetardeshna3449]

No way

[@mya2450]

😂

[@kapitan788]

How’d you know??

[@sir_albaxious1909]

As a Narcissistic Maladaptive Daydreamer, this is what I needed. Thank you...

[@happycat0411]

This is exactly why post-secondary education plays a strong role in how people interact with one another. The more post secondary education one attains the better that individual has at regulating how they are perceived by others and the outside world. In one sense, interacting with people allows one "ego" (as well as it's counterpart > "shame") to healthily develop both the ego and shame component in an individual. As current research has shown, both (poor) under- parenting as well as over-parenting contributes to the development unhealthy narcissistic behaviour. Narcissistic behaviour gradually increases over time due to "positive reinforcement" of the behaviours associated with narcissism (such as pathological lying, stealing, blame shifting, gas-lighting, not willing to accept responsibility) as these negative behaviours appear to temporarily boost the narcissist's ego. However, as the negative behaviours tend to give a temporary boost in the narcissist's inflated ego, the narcissist ability to deal with the shame component gradually decreases as the narcissist's ego gets larger and larger with time.

[@excripto1]

Sounds like these narcissistic wounds play a major part in a villain’s origins story.

[@Bohemianstory]

Thank you. I have been not assured as a kid and now as an adult, I kept denying about narcissisms. What I failed to realized that a healthy dose of narcissisms to affirm who I am is actually self love.

[@Alesiaofthewoods]

As someone who had been married to a covert narcissist for 25 years, I believe this description is that of healthy self-love, not narcissism. The narcissist believes they are superior and more deserving than others, and demands confirmation and affirmation from their family and spouse. They are insulted by the slightest insinuations of a deficiency in their personality, talents, traits, etc. Unfortunately, no amount of recognition or affirmation by their spouse or family is ever enough. On the contrary, they become very bitter and disdainful towards those who try to meet their demands but are unable to give the psychological fulfillment they require. They are like the addict who needs a stronger drug because the old one no longer gives them the buzz they crave.

[@IsitReallyrealreally]

Right

[@itismadalin]

I came here to find a comment on this. I recently learned that my very abusive ex wife is actually a covert narcissist and looking back I cannot believe the level of abuse I endured for over 7 years.

[@elenisiopi2033]

Absolutely, noone gets sick from too much love. It's just that people have misconceptions around love, for example parents. They think that being extremely agreeable with their children, buying them everything they want, becoming martyrs to their children means love. None of this is love in my opinion, and it can create self absorbed narcissistic children (the other side of the coin). Love is not about blindly catering for the other person's supposed needs. Love is about being open and receptive, listening and understanding the other, offering support when needed and asked for, setting healthy boundaries and recognizing the other person's boundaries, being there no matter what without judgment or a need to control the narrative or outcome. Love is reassuring, comforting and healing, and a prerequisite for a healthy development and happy life.

[@BOZ_11]

The title should read: "How to conflate healthy self-esteem with the pathological disorder of narcissism". Just because you have an overlap on this Venn diagram, doesn't make it the same thing

[@nizasiamehenry]

Nice suggestion.

[@kjamison5951]

As a facilitator to diagnose issues to make repairs or analyse situations to develop solutions, I am good at what I do. As a person, I suck. That’s what I was told as I was growing up. Nothing I did of my own free will was valued. Only when I followed the orders of others in my family was I considered to be valued. I was repeatedly told that no one would want to love me or marry me. I should just always look out for the family. And nearly six decades later I learn that I have had mild autism my whole life. Something that has affected my ability to cope in the world. It makes no difference. I can offer nothing else than an ability to fix something that broken, anything other than myself.

[@AaronD313]

i feel that way, my parents love their son, but they dont give a flying F for Aaron (me)

[@Screeno1993]

It's a dangerous path to tread, to conflate healthy self esteem with narcissism. Narcissism is the epitome of unhealthy self esteem. That inflation of the self to hide the deep dark toxic shame about oneself inside, which often (almost always) they project onto others. That's toxic. I am done sympathising with narcissists. Yes they all have deep attachment wounds. But so do i, and i didn't end up hurting other people to cope with it. Only myself. (Recovery in process) Maybe some narcissists can fully recover with therapy. But those who refuse to even try, don't deserve sympathy. The soul sucking emotional draining of being around such a person.. It's like being attacked by a dementor from harry potter.

[@itismadalin]

While self-love is crucial, it's important to distinguish it from narcissism. I recently discovered that my ex-wife, who subjected me to years of emotional abuse, exhibits covert narcissistic traits. Looking back, I can't believe the level of manipulation and belittlement I endured for over seven years. This experience, coupled with my lack of awareness about these harmful behaviors, renders this video incomplete. I believe it's crucial to address the existence of both covert and overt narcissists, as they pose a significant threat to those around them.

[@cdro44]

Well, if we talk about healthy narcissism, I would love to hear your thoughts on healthy selfishness, healthy exploitation and healthy manipulation. Thanks School of Life !

[@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I]

Good luck with your lives you two. Fascinating how you can taste such bitterness from people by only reading a snippet of their thoughts

[@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I]

@@youtube.account.deleted Denial and projection, typical insecure behaviour. If you can channel humility for a moment, maybe you might learn and improve. That's all I'll say - Farewell

[@MrNoopNoop]

So beautifully put and concise. And you can clearly see the link of how the wound calls and individual to look after it, and thereby loose the link with the other individual(s) in the process. Only when the wound is healed and does not need so much 'looking at', can looking at the other(s) be a possibility. Narcissism, or rather the lack of it, causes a failure of object relations. And that is where, for me, the tragedy of narcissus happens: he cannot love, for he cannot believe that he matters/exists/is lovable/is enough.

[@dredre1696]

I love this one so much! I've had to backfill the places they missed with love by doing inreach. I love all of life; I love me; I love you from my overflow! Love or above is where I hang out

[@jasminatf]

“We’ll pick partners who can’t reassure us and will precipitate the end of everything positive” I relate so bad but it’s such a paradox I don’t understand myself

[@----79821]

No i don't care at all, because the thing is with narcissist they have bad intentions, which leads to a premeditated plan and action to get what they want at the expense of everyone else and often for the fun of it, so f**k those people, other people grow up with trauma and don't end up like this, they deserve 100% of the bad image they have...because they earnt it

[@agnesm_23]

They are evil. Exactly

[@----79821]

@@agnesm_23 100%, life is too short and there are so many people out there to meet if you ever get a hint of a narcissist red flag, cut and run.

[@Dotsetc]

First of all everybody has narcissistic traits and all people have bad intentions from time to time. I'm not even scared to bet on taking a sip of poison assuming that you have done things in life considered to be narcissistic and manipulated people with egoistic self preservation as basis. Especially with that seeming lack of empathy for 'evil' things when narcissists their behavior can be considered 'evil' but in reality its a mental issue that if they were conscious and able to change, they probably all would. It's virtually the same as calling severely depressed people 'weak' when they realistically, just arent as lucky as others and went through traumatic experiences and/or were genetically predisposed to depression. Lets just blame the narcissists and other ill people for being born or becoming ill. I have a friend who has borderline who are often viewed as evil, when in reality they hate themselves for treating people wrongly to extreme amounts nobody could ever understand. Their super empathy is just a curse. People would call her crazy, but people who would know her, knows that she was already genetically predisposed to getting it and what activated it, was being raped as a child. It doesn't mean everything she does is excusable, but being empathic is just, being empathic. What was that quote again. 'People are easy to dismiss people as crazy, but a lot of times they aren't crazy. Maybe the environment is crazy.' And no that doesnt mean you have to excuse narcissistic behavior happening to you, but being empathic comes a long way, especially if you're so against narcissists. That 'others' also didnt react to their trauma as others did, also really means very little. We mostly don't really have a say in how our brain function responds to trauma. Just because others were 'more lucky' doesnt mean it's fair to look down on people who werent specifically when it leads to a mental illness. It's the other way around. Comparable to a teacher focussing on the good students when the bad students who screw up actually need more help.

[@lightworker6298]

Thank you for saying this.

[@Dotsetc]

@@agnesm_23Everybody has narcissistic tendencies. Are you calling yourself evil as well?

[@deelynn8611]

It took me a while, but I finally liked myself and who I had become. I focused on the good and healed my self-esteem. Music fixed me to be honest.

[@nigelshilton8706]

this has been soooo helpful to me. thank you so much. it has allowed me to look at past events and relationships from a different perspective. very grateful for this enlightenment!

[@TecOneself]

Thank you so much, I wish HG Tudor could hear, he must have been raised with so much love, so I was and many of us need to feel pleased about that. One must be modest and generous to our capabilities in order to serve goodness.

[@sydnei5567]

We live in a era of "influencers", "coaches" and shit like that. These people love themselves wayyyyyy too much and I cant see how this can ever be positive...😒

[@wisdon]

healthy and narcissist are 2 word that cannot be together in the same book, I bet now in the comments many will claim that they're the healthy ones, FYI all narcissists say that the aren't sick

[@Nickname006]

Remember that they cannot do much about it. We have to treat them with empathy, too.

[@AaronD313]

naw ive empathized enough for the narcissists in my life at the sacrifice of my own well being, theyll be fine, take care of your own happiness @@Nickname006

[@niamhjennings9915]

It's so refreshing to hear that we need to be loved and adored when we're told that we need to love ourselves which I find hard to do. I've healed somewhat that I don't need to be loved by everyone. Except Alain DeBotton. If I ever met him in real life I'd be devastated if he didn't like me. I like to put pressure on people like that, you know.

[@Syco108]

This is something I'm working on right now. Loving myself

[@TDG361]

That's what my psicotherapist have told in several sessions, and I've trying to explain to others that, but no one undertands

[@realSimoneCherie]

People want a clinical explanation for a bad partner and/or a bad relationship. They feel some sense of shame and even guilt for personal failure to either (1) see it coming, or (2) leave (3) or both. If this person is a narcissist, possessing at least a mild, yet legitimate personality disorder then no wonder I ended up hurt, no wonder I have remained in the relationship.

[@nias3202]

Very interesting. The video was a bit too short for me to understand the topic clearly. Too much self-love is narcisissm? I doubt that. Rather placing oneself above others and thinking of them as being less worthy. It is a clinical disorder and shouldn't be romanticised. I don't know if I'm alone, but I really miss your old videos like "the seven deadly sins", "calm", the videos about death, all the philosophy and history on ideas videos... Thank you anyway for your kindness and empathy.

[@hcf555]

Nicely put. Narcissism is so widely misunderstood it's so good to come across what's actually meant by the term.

[@hcf555]

@friedrichkingston9923 it's interesting to read about the origins of the term and how it's been seen quite differently by different analytic clinicians over the years. As far as I can see narcissism seems to to on a continuum from healthy self- love and esteem to unhealthy total self-preoccupation. And as an ex-psychotherapist I'd say people who display this unhealthy narcissism might look (and be) very selfish and self-absorbed on the outside, but in reality they loathe themselves and feel they are defective at their very core. The bigger the front, the smaller the person behind working the controls. Small, angry, abandoned, rejected children.

[@hcf555]

@friedrichkingston9923 I hear you! I'm glad you find it helpful, thank you too.

[@ginunggagap]

Refine yourself, be of great value to the world, not just to yourself

[@MartinH81]

Bequeathed...approbation... Every couple of months I repeat this message; please keep the language a little more accessible. This is "School of Life" not English class. Too often I find myself pausing videos to look up words or to dissect unnecessarily complicated sentences, to find myself losing track of the message and having to start all over again. It's frustrating sometimes and something this channel can definitely improve on. After all, this is an international platform and not every viewer is a native English speaker with this an extensive vocabulary.

[@Louie.Oxford]

they do not care tbh. this channel is good but it always gives the a snooty vibe.

[@akshatgupta8523]

I practice some form of this narcissism and truly speaking I've never felt happier. In this form, my life stems from me not at me. My happiness depends on me alone, not tied to another third person. I've reached a level of calm few attain.

[@EudamoniaTrout]

Could you not have found a better way to relate this idea? We really need to distance the concept of self-love (healthy narcissism) from the condition of narcissism.

[@YANIMATIONZ]

Im actually at a point in my life where I've heard so many things about myself that have destroyed my own perception, administration or even interested in myself, that I dont even know where to continue forward from. I dont feel as though I have much success in life, I really dont have a lot of friends, and I don't have much of a love life either. Its just me on my own 98% of the time with the exception of being at home with my family, but I dont have many similar interests as they do, so I mostly just isolate myself altogether. Idk, if all I do is spend time with myself, but yet I can't stand myself, then WTH am I living for? 😑

[@mzansistories101]

If you have ambitions and goals, try pursuing them. Surely you want to be or do something important in this life even if it's writing a book about how you feel about this world. It's a messed up world indeed.

[@leonie7710]

I feel like you are my soulmate in this way. I could relate to everything you wrote. I just got out of my first relationship because I just couldn’t love myself and messed it up this way but how could I if everybody who could help me leaves. I just can’t here it anymore. To learn to love myself alone because that’s not how humans are designed to be. I seek validation in others and have a lot of goals I just can’t proceed because I am just lonely. I m not sure where to go from here anymore

[@sunbeam9222]

The universe is inside you. You are everything and everyone. We create the separation by taking everything personally when it's absolutely not personal. What you say is very telling, you've heard so many things about yourself. That's because others can only view us through their own subjective lenses. Searching for ourselves through others is futile and crazy making. We can only access it within. It requires dropping the comparison tool. You can only deem yourself unsuccessful in comparison, you can only deem yourself lonely in comparison, you can only deem yourself too tall, too skinny, too fat, too boring in comparison. That's not how you will know yourself tho. All these are only representations . Creations of the mind, nothing real. Try meditation. Sit in silence, observe the mind without believing what it says, just observe the process. Then you will notice that you are the observer of those thoughts. Keep being the neutral observer. You will then get to hear your subconscious thoughts. And how believing thoughts, which are nothing more than the sum of our conditioning and mostly inaccurate beliefs, impact you.

[@Crazymexicano214]

"Narcissist here. The reality is .."

[@franktank5781]

As much as i love your content, i am kind of frustrated, that the videos on here seem to get shorter and the thumbnails more clickbaity. This video was really insightful and reassuring for me and i think it deserves to be explained more thoroughly. I obviously understand that even you guys have to keep Up with the algorythm. I just feel Like you are underselling These great videos by advertising them the Same way many other less original Channels do

[@theschooloflifetv]

We appreciate this feedback and will take it on board.

[@qnasterify]

Yes omg with the click baity thumbnails. I work in content and I get what they're trying to do but it looks ridiculous. You can invoke interest without sounding like a 2010 facebook link...

[@Guys_Love_Each_Other]

The video begins by defining narcissism as an excessive preoccupation with oneself, often accompanied by a lack of empathy for others. It explores the origins of narcissism, suggesting that it can stem from a combination of genetic, environmental, and cultural factors. The School of Life argues that while narcissism can be destructive, it also has its benefits. It suggests that a healthy level of self-interest and self-confidence can lead to personal growth, success, and the ability to inspire others. However, it warns against excessive narcissism, which can lead to arrogance, a lack of empathy, and damaged relationships. Throughout the video, The School of Life provides examples from literature, art, and history to illustrate the complex nature of narcissism. It encourages viewers to reflect on their own levels of narcissism and consider how it impacts their lives and relationships. The video concludes with a call to balance self-interest with empathy and a reminder that true power lies in understanding and connecting with others. It suggests that by developing a more nuanced understanding of narcissism, we can navigate its challenges and harness its potential for personal growth and positive impact on the world.

[@ozan6911]

There is something called "healthy narcissism" but it is not self-love or self esteem. On the contrary a person with a narcissist personlity disorder, does not love himself/herself. This lack of self love or esteem is so evident that the narcissist cannot stand loneliness, s/he always needs someone to approve himself/herself around... This is because of his/her feelings of insufficiency and worthlessness deep in his/her unconscious... 'Healthy narcissist' on the other hand recognises these negative feelings by gaining insight to his/her unconscious and fill the big gap in his/her 'psyche' with real work. With this insight s/he can transform this constant negative feelings into the motivation to work and progress... That's why some people with narcissistic personality disorder are very successful or the best at their works...

[@griggiorouge]

is this called the narcissist defense? I bet this is just the good side of narcissism, not like the personality disorder.

[@thesilenceofthesnowinsumme1463]

If there is no I and no Ego, there is no room for narcissism, which is, in my humble opinion, a sickness. Hinduism, and Buddhism, and Thaoism and all philosophies related to shamans are quite clear on that. Isn't?

[@cormano64]

Wikipedia's introduction to Doublespeak: "Doublespeak is language that deliberately obscures, disguises, distorts, or reverses the meaning of words. Doublespeak may take the form of euphemisms (e.g., "downsizing" for layoffs and "servicing the target" for bombing), in which case it is primarily meant to make the truth sound more palatable. It may also refer to intentional ambiguity in language or to actual inversions of meaning. In such cases, doublespeak disguises the nature of the truth."

[@lightworker6298]

I loved myself but now after narcissistic abuse, I hate myself. EVERY child born in this world love itself.

[@MarcSmith23]

Love is needed in childhood to foster significance but later, love cannot help you attain inner significance. That door has closed. You can however still gain inner significance other ways.

[@weebler]

I was told by a narcissist that I was narcissistic because, what I believed about myself and that I knew I was talented and good at what I do. I said I am good at film and video. She was my mother.

[@Evilmindy12]

I grew up with a actual vulnerable narcissist. We all have narcissism it’s our self confidence, it’s when it ruins relationships, work and life that one should worry.

[@dirtyunclehubert]

narcissism is the highly desperate constant effort to keep a stable self (-image/self-esteem) going, that was originally eradicated in earliest childhood. and that constant effort comes at the "whatever it takes" pricetag. the next time a "narc" in your life is devaluing you, debasing you, whatever they do besides physical violence: you have already won. that person is so full of inner inferiority, fear and deep deep hurt, that they have put you on a pedestal far above them, where they contort you with the mother or father who abused them. *they are afraid sh+tless of you. and thats the truth.* as hard as it seems - show compassion and understanding to these people, its the worst destructive move towards them you can. see them melt down in tears and open up. if you must be cruel, however, mock or ridicule them. but dont be bewildered over the massive counter-attack that WILL inevitably follow and will be intense. thank you, alain. kind regards from an selfaware narc who is suffering endless pain in an endless loneliness which i never asked to live in. ´

[@porgguy4962]

This video wasn't really about narcissism at all.

[@ioannisaliazis]

Narcissism is inherently a negative term, we should keep it that way, no need to talk about healthy or unhealthy. We can use self esteem etc for the positive stuff.

[@no-hustle]

Both an interesting and important outlook/reminder ... it was this video that inspired the latest edition of the [no hustle] huddle, as we looked at Narcissism and our relationship with "it". Thanks for sharing this ❤

[@superamario6464]

There needs to be a test, an early warning to test positive for Narcissim. The pain that could be avoided by staying away from them. Maybe have a variant for Sociopaths and Psycho

[@olivemaxton984]

Please give us longer videos where you go in-depth like you used to. Thank you! ❤️

[@Gemisnotmyname]

Narcissist often dont love themself.. there is a difference between loving oneself and hating oneself and carryin a false image or reality

[@lisah1687]

self love for your gain is different to manipulating others for your gain

[@shoeshoeshoes]

I don't totally disagree with the content of the video as far as self-love and how people become narcissistic, but I don't think there's such a thing as "healthy narcissism". The term contradicts itself.

[@Nickname006]

Every human is faulty. I think narcissists require some compassion, as well. For me as a daughter of a narcissistic father, I sometimes hate myself when I think about the traits I have gotten from him. This video helped me give myself some slack. I know I don't use those traits to hurt anyone, so maybe it is not necessary to feel like a shitty person all the time.

[@jamnoise72]

I agree. Self esteem is good and healthy. Narcissistic people take it to the next level and the 'love' they have for self is unhealthy. Their love is actually 'hate'.

[@AaronD313]

a real narcissist wont feel bad or reflect on their own negative qualities but you do, that alone makes you a good person deep down imo@@Nickname006

[@Somefreeway]

This certainly something I’m struggling with.

[@hendrasutika]

Self love = a right dose of healthy narcissist. Lack of love or adoration cause narcissistic wound

[@FelipeKana1]

Apart from the final sentence (yes there can be too much "love"), great message.

[@keturahspencer]

Narcissism does not always mean the DSM5 personality disorder. The origin of the word is literally about someone falling in love with himself, or at least his own reflection.

[@SydtasticTV]

This video is one of many that will unknowingly contribute to NPD being widely accepted as normal. But so what if it gets School of Life the views & engagement, right?

[@MrShanester117]

It is already considered normal. In fact it’s encouraged. People worship narcissists and narcissism in our culture

[@cormano64]

@@MrShanester117 By the way you say it, I'm assuming you realize that it's a bad thing no matter how normalized it might be... ... right?

[@AaronD313]

someone that wont reflect on, or take responsibility for how they make others feel are the true narcissists, of course we're all selfish in ways

[@hnewman2907]

Narcissists have trouble being honest and accepting themselves, they may never statistically. It’s a they problem but becomes a disgusting behavior when the project on others. Feel bad for them but I wouldn’t want them in my life.

[@margo3367]

I love how he gives the back story on Narcissus. 😅

[@KarlHessey-db6mf]

Your right about the whole video, still it's so much deeper than that.

[@CoreyANeal2000]

People being worried about narcissism is like people being worried about achieving too much. You can't achieve anything if people aren't willing to acknowledge your success. Though history gets tainted if people aren't willing to approve of someone who has influenced history enough.

[@ginunggagap]

The problem is narcissists wont even care to watch videos like this, they are unaware of the sickness

[@mlebrooks]

I have so much to give - Laurie Berkner

[@lightworker6298]

Pls stop calling loving self as healthy narcissism. Antonym of love is narcissm.

[@YANIMATIONZ]

I thought the antonym for love was hate. The typical narcissism that people most frequently recognize is people who love themselves more than others. While thats not entirely false, being able to love yourself in a healthy way requires just enough inner narcissism that doesn't deprivate ones ability to neglect others around them.

[@cormano64]

@@YANIMATIONZ Hate and love are two sides of the same coin. The antonym of love is apathy. There's no positivity in narcissism. It's already originally defined as an extreme in itself, regardless of what some pop psychologists tried to do with the term for attention in the 20th century.

[@krishnayedage4209]

Thanks

[@TonyRedunzo]

@2:06 "Everyone needs to be adored and will suffer immensely if they are not" I disagree. Everyone needs to be RESPECTED as a human being not ADORED. If a person has not recognized that they will not be adored by everyone, they are laying the groundwork for a lifetime of suffering which is only brought on by their attachment to what others think of them. "Care about people's approval, and you will always be their prisoner." Lao Tzu

[@ejt3708]

This is revolting. I hear Zarathustra speaking. A narcissist is defined as "an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance." The narrator espouses self-esteem as if it equates to narcissism. He is right in that - there really is no limits between self esteem, pride, arrogance, and narcissism. Even homeless and the incarcerated are typically narcissists. Its almost always somebody else's fault. They get it from the average person on the street. The alternative is doing without pride or self esteem. No, it's not depression, just a healthy realization of what you know and what you're good at.

[@StrongbyLee]

Like the saying goes: "the dose makes the poison."

[@heatherrogers548]

My understanding is that deep narcissism begins around the ages of two to three.

[@laru09]

I love the more clickbaity thumbnails, you should use them more! Since all we find by clicking is nothing but gentleness and thought provoking words in the shape of a video (very pretty videos, to be more precise)

[@redhotkido]

Therapy is fucking expensive This guy is free Yayyyy

[@weneedheroes655]

Keyword(s): "Should play."

[@joerocket1977]

The narcissist lacks empathy which is what makes them dangerous and untrustworthy. Their lack of ability to see themselves in everyone is their fatal flaw. The sad truth is they can do little to help it.

[@Yo_Kelz]

I.e. Robert McNamara

[@robertjohnston8876]

If a child is loved in childhood ‘too much’, they feel they are ‘special’; that God loves them more than others, and they can abuse others. They become arrogant, selfish, lonely and friendless in adulthood I married one and she did irreparable damage to my life

[@sunnybein1]

Nonsense..a loved child feels ‘safe’ not ‘special.’ People who think they are ‘special’ have low self esteem and that doesn’t come from ‘being loved.’

[@PreacherAtArrakeen]

Narcissism is a buzzword that was popularized by analysis of Deplorable Donny. I've seen some YT sites entirely dedicated from saving people from narcissists. The other big buzzeword is 'Gaslighting.'

[@abdulhadikus6223]

I do not concur the last sentence. One can get ill from too much love. In fact, one can get ill from too much of anything. Maybe not physical illness but definitely mental illness. Every emotion lies in human mind on a spectrum. You can find opposite feelings on each end. It is all about where to adjust the needle.

[@harrypearle9781]

CREDIT OTHERS and LUCK, Constantly Yes, we can give ourselves some credit, as long as we also credit others and events, constantly ======================================================================== TNX

[@harrypearle9781]

TNX MCH

[@spaltmass]

Interesting input

[@evrensaygn1017]

Society constantly holds other people with expectations and judgements. You can't expect anyone to roam free in life and not become an "unhealthy" narcissist. The forms of chauvinism everybody holds always compare himself or other people between themselves. You can't combat with that, or it's consequences.

[@princess_sapphire]

Is this for real?? I have suffered narc abuse and with respect,you have no idea what damage they do to a person.

[@lynnemanning9553]

"Everybody needs to be adored and will suffer immensely if they are not"...I'm not sure that statement is true?! Many people throughout the world are not adored. And I really feel, that it is extraordinary if people are adored....and there's always something about everyone, that is not "adored" . So according to that statement, the un-adored should be unhappy....People can learn to adore themselves, and if that's what it takes to get you to a better place emotionally, then we should practice that. Even though we weren't adored as children, and had a hard time learning about being adored, we can learn to adore ourselves, and who knows, maybe someone else will come along, who might be interested in adoring us, especially if we learn to do it ourselves. I think living alone has taught me a lot about taking care of myself, and that means adoring and being very truthful with myself. It's never too late to give up on yourself ......KEEP GROWING!

[@Manx123]

Translation: "'Give us this Last Man, O Zarathustra,' -- they called out -- 'make us into these Last Men! Then will we make you a gift of the Overman!' And all the people exulted and smacked their lips. Zarathustra, however, turned sad, and said to his heart."

[@TWParttwo]

very good

[@davidkinoti4051]

Self-love is healthy narcissm

[@audryhaynes3277]

I don't believe that self love equates to some non-destructive form of narcissism. HEALTHY self love is vitally important to good mental health, but narcissism is not self love. If there is a definition of narcissism that includes healthy self love as one possible manifestation of narcissism, that definition is now archaic and needs to be revised. Language necessarily evolves over time, in response to societal changes in the way words are used, and what society's current understanding of their meaning is. As it is currently used, narcissism describes a mental state in which a person is obsessed with themselves, sees themselves as being superior in every way to others, and believes that they absolutely deserve to have everything they want, and always get their way, with total and absolute disregard for the needs and wants of others. Narcissists show disdain for and contempt of everyone who does not see them as they see themselves. Their self perceived superiority demands that others worship them and follow their directives, and they see anyone who does not as something that needs to be destroyed "for the good of humanity," seeing themselves as the divine quintessence of humanity and thereby rendering the meaning of the phrase "for the good of humanity," as "for my benefit." Narcissists lack a conscience, they are incapable of empathy, and they are, at the least, indifferent to the suffering of others, often even deriving pleasure from the suffering of others, seeing it as righteous punishment of those who do not worship them. Having a conscience and feeling empathy are at the very heart of what it is to be human, and any being which lacks those qualities is, by definition, less than human. Narcissists are evil. Narcissists are predators. Narcissists are consummate liars and masters of manipulation, gaslighting, and deception. They are dangerously and frighteningly good not only at shifting blame, but at shifting blame to their victims, causing them to believe that they and not the Narcissist are the "problem." Narcissists do not believe in personal freedom, or in a person's right to self determination. Narcissists strive for absolute dominance, with the ultimate goal of becoming a [usually despotic] dictator. Narcissists and their acolytes currently pose the greatest threat to humanity (as we know it), and already have amassed a dangerous amount of [political] power, and have already brainwashed/gaslighted a dangerous number of people into believing their lies. Narcissism is a cancer that has been festering and growing within society since time immemorial, and is currently at the point of posing an existential threat to the whole of human kind. We need to rid ourselves of this cancer before it's too late, and it's already too late to do it in a civilized manner. We need to mercilessly hack it out. It is far better for a man to cut off a limb that has become cancerous than it is for him to die of the cancer.