Why it's never okay to use derogatory terms to describe another. Let's drop the word crazy - be kind

Welcome to the official KZbin channel and podcast of Lauren Ostrowski Fenton, where we provide valuable content focused on helping you achieve better sleep and overall well-being. Lauren specializes in assisting individuals experiencing anxiety and loneliness, guiding them on a transformative journey towards restful nights and rejuvenating mornings.
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Original vocals, script by Lauren Ostrowski Fenton. All rights reserved © 2024

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

(here is the short Im speaking about...kzbin.infoaiXEfkkNRrY?feature=share) ......Hi there, everyone. Good morning from South Australia… By the way, I had 15 birds at my birdfeeder today, which was really awesome and brought a smile to my face… Yesterday I did a "short" on Instagram TikTok and KZbin talking about why it's never okay to use derogatory language… In response, I received a lot of derogatory language… As a KZbinr, I'm used to this and thick-skinned, but this time, it was particularly venomous, and I found it interesting… what does this spitting of venom say about the person who is doing the spitting? The words we use become us. Although we are the thinkers who choose our thoughts, thoughts are translated through words, and words can be weaponised… I found it interesting to have people immediately respond by using marginalising unkind words… Haven't we reached the point in history where compassion becomes a driver? Kindness becomes our journey? And empathy navigates the way? I know you already know this but let's start and movement and simply be kind...Lauren x Workshops & Courses ►Patreon: Join us at the PEACE COLLECTIVE CLUB, a collaborative club focusing on healing, relaxing, sleep therapy, setting goals and developing compassion and wisdom. Here, you receive invites to free seminars, courses, workshops, and live zooms. You also receive ad-free video, audio, and vocals-only content and other bonuses and perks. Your contributions are a massive help in allowing me to create content. If you’d like to help support my channel and be part of a connected compassionate group, get perks like the retreat, courses, vocal-only versions, non-gated articles, and bonus content, please check out my Patreon page. Join us at the PEACE COLLECTIVE CLUB: www.patreon.com/laurenostrowskifenton ► Book online counselling here: Qualified Certified Counsellor laurenostrowskifenton.simplybook.me/v2/ ► Follow us on Instagram. instagram.com/laurenostrowskifenton/ ► 1:1 Sessions with Lauren Book online counselling with Lauren here: Qualified Certified Counsellor Masters in Counselling laurenostrowskifenton.simplybook.me/v2/

[@sherrygenovese1]

I simply adore you! Your videos are Amazing! I love listening to them at bedtime.

[@NurseMcNamara]

I’ve been called a psycho b****, nuts, crazy, etc. I deal with depression and anxiety due to multiple traumas in my life. This is bringing tears to my eyes. Oh, and unhinged is another one. The thing is I smile and make an effort to be kind to people I interact with so I don’t know where this comes from

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Good on you thousand times good on you keep in mind these people are giving you a mirror into their soul what they say has nothing at all to do with you much love to you

[@NEbluefire]

I'm sorry you had that experience. It's an unfortunate thing that trauma has a tendency to invite more trauma. People get ideas in their heads for all kinds of reasons that don't actually have to have anything to do with the person towards whom they're directing it, just like Lauren said. It's really important to realize that which is why I am so glad that she spoke about this. Once we take their opinions on ourselves, we will do all the wrong things, we will give over our dignity to these people, and then, knowing we did it, we will blame ourselves and feel shame for years. It's best just not to hand over that power in the first place, but until you become aware, which I wasn't for a long, long time, you have an instinctive, natural reaction to that kind of thing.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thank you so much for adding these comments like this have so much value thank you.

[@Merseyrock]

Well said ♥ It can mean the difference: To anyone teetering on the brink of despair...

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Absolutely absolutely there is so much so much to say about this topic ....one area is the question of rhe psychological motivation of the person saying these terrible words... in someways it's like seagulls mndlesslyy attacking the weak seagull but when I use that seagull metaphor I'm implying that the victim of this cruelty is weak and that is not always the way.... The victim could quite easily be a strong empowered individual... but what I do know is the person who makes the comment has cruel intent. And that's not okay

[@RJ-nm6qt]

If you had an abusive narcissistic parent or exe-relationship you would get there IS a good reason to just write people off as “crazy” sometimes. We don’t all need to be overly concerned with whether or not we’re “bullying” an abuser by labeling them as crazy. Sometimes people are just crazy and abusive and should be avoided at all costs.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

I hear you my friend I feel that as Victims or the objects of marginalising words we can choose definitive type words such as "unacceptable" "Cruel" 'labelling' rather than perpetuate narcissistic behaviour ourselves by using similar behaviour...but I hear you and understand what you're saying.

[@larrymarcus3176]

@@LaurenOstrowskiFenton Having any kind of relationship with a narcissistic personality individual is frought with all kinds of complications. Knowing that person suffers from this disability and trying to be compassionate towards them has it’s limits and boundaries that the other person cannot process. There is no accountability because in their mind they are magnificent on their conscious level and worthless on their subconscious level. Usually they were abused by a narcissistic parent which created the cannon fodder for their condition. My sister in law was one and even though I loved her for her positive attributes I ended the relationship because it became untenable. She passed away last year and although I have lots of bruises and bad memories I have good ones too. She couldn’t help who she was and even though that’s not an excuse it’s a starting point to realize that some people have an intrinsic handicap in relationships that defies your capacity for relationships it’s all they have and the best they can do. That’s not an excuse it’s an understanding that allows you to appreciate what positive if any of your relationship be if there was none you can move on and put things in the past. My sister in laws adult children have a great burden of thinking they could have done more for her or done something more to help her. They couldn’t and can try to unburden themselves they were great children who’s mother loved them very much in her own way.

[@shannon_886]

Beautiful message and passionately delivered! Thank you, Lauren 🖤

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thanks so much Shannon

[@user-qk9dr2pe6z]

I learned all the reasons not to use labels from the book Your Child’s Self Esteem. Then when I was 48 a therapist told me I’m schizoid. I didn’t really understand what that meant. I still thought I was an individual. Now, lately Through KZbin I realize everything I do is schizoid , and now it feels like a trap, a cage I will never escape. It makes me feel like my mental health is challenged by this. That I somehow have to accept this problem. It feels so destructive.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

There was a video I really love on TEDTalks I think it’s called “single story“ I think you might find it rewarding to watch it. We are each colourful souls, and when we are held to the light, we can be seen in so many different ways it is never ever okay to describe one person with one word it makes the beauty of who they are invisible and that’s not okay each Person deserves to be held to the light and seen in all that colour, complexity and beauty … no Person is there diagnosis no Person is defined by one behaviour. No Person becomes the labels They are described by.

[@user-qk9dr2pe6z]

Thank you for replying. I watched the video. That and what you said helps. I feel a loosening inside, the possibility of positivity. It feels better.

[@elphbwckd212]

Wow.... Thank you so much for this. Incredibly powerful

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

You are so welcome thank you so much for listening to my content it means a lot to me hope you're okay much love Lauren

[@beatleme2]

❤💯👍

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thank you so very much

[@user-nx9qs9zl6s]

❤love you and thank you for this ❤

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

You are so welcome

[@user-nx9qs9zl6s]

I get called this alot and it hurts bad

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

I'm so very sorry you are called tha - make sure you look after yourself

[@user-nx9qs9zl6s]

@LaurenOstrowskiFenton I will take care of myself. As a person who has been watching you, I listen and tell you I have such love for you and your family. You helped me see that I am OK. I always send prayers for you to always be OK as well. Thank you so very much my dear friend

[@SR2858]

Absolutely right 👏👏👏🙏

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Much much love to you

[@sleepydoppy8516]

Boy if I let myself go, there would be great damage to the ex. I wish I could be like her

[@johnford_]

you know there is a path designed for everybody to follow if you are not walking the path than you are labeled an outcast of society, if that be the case that im an outcast than i know i am walking the right path , its only when people start liking me that's when i start to worry.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

So true John Hope all is well good to hear from you as always

[@susanrosenberg5594]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thank you so much Susan

[@se6965]

Beautiful lady

[@pete26167]

Good morning 🌞

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Good morning!

[@BARZ90]

Love u

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thank you for watching :-)

[@larrymarcus3176]

We define our world through our language. We process that language using our collective knowledge our individual knowledge and most importantly our belief system. Words are just words unless we give them power. We give them that power using our own thought process so we can make those words powerful or meaningless. We don’t truly know another’s intentions we can make assumptions we can create a psycho biography of that person but this is still somewhat skeptical not empirical. I’ve been called many names and choose how to react to them. Some descriptives make sense and the word crazy does as well. How about nervous breakdown? How about drunk, how about idiot, how about bigot, how about ad infinitum. It would be nice if we were kinder more compassionate and altruistic to each other. There’s way too much hatred and anger in our world. But I refuse to react to them. Yet I do. It’s how I’m made. It’s human to label it’s human to react it’s human to be fallible and ignorant just as it’s human to be magnificent and glorious. We choose it all. We are all more then all labels except we are all humans ( except I’ve been told I’m an alien) My country is going through a shit show because of individuals with significant unstable mental capacity. I could give you a very accurate clinical diagnosis if you wish but that still doesn’t take away from their human qualities even if their qualities are significantly compromised. My intention towards them is neutral my observation is clinical I don’t dehumanize them or think of them as less then. They do that by the way to others. Labels are words saying I love you is just words. The intention and the actual significant meaning behind those words are what’s important. Someone here said their shrink said they were Schizo. Was this a clinical diagnosis or just an ignorant slap I don’t know but I’ve been called worse and refuse to allow anyone’s opinion of me to color my own opinion of myself. I have enough negative shit in My head I don’t have room for others. Someone said whatever- that is a reflection of their soul as you said. Or is it? Maybe they don’t know any better, maybe they have a defiant disorder or they have psychosis or an alcohol or drug problem or they are just a cruel bastard. Their opinions are irrelevant I wouldn’t give them air. The shrink who came up with the epiphany of your schizoid should be a toll collector on a highway as opposed to a health care professional unless his comment fermented a whole plan of therapeutic value to reduce once’s schizoid tendencies using a putative and valuable tool to facilitate change in one’s perspective. Your plasterer is much more then that. He may also be a great chef. Yet he is known as a plasterer. It’s a descriptive that doesn’t define him. He very well may be an academic scholar who loves plastering

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Larry, I read your comment several times over several days. I appreciate your depth, your wisdom and your insight I just wanted to say also I enjoyed these comments 'schizoid should be a toll collector on a highway as opposed to a health care professional ' and ' It’s human to label it’s human to react it’s human to be fallible and ignorant just as it’s human to be magnificent and glorious. We choose it all.' and 'refuse to allow anyone’s opinion of me to color my own opinion of myself. I have enough negative shit in My head I don’t have room for others. ' I really enjoyed reading your comment Larry and reflecting upon and you have a truly wise way of seeing life as an objective spectator. i applaud you. thank you for taking the time to comment on my thoughts. Warmest regards Lauren

[@larrymarcus3176]

You’re welcome Lauren I hesitated several times formulating my response as I don’t want to be conflicting because I truly understand your reaction to words. I’ve found that trying to keep a balance between stoicism and humanity chock full of emotions a difficult balancing act which I’ve hardly come close to mastering. But I think it’s important to not fear words. I worked with an rebt therapist once who banned the words should can’t must have to and got to to the point he would interrupt a conversation and say the banned words questionably. I remained steadfast in believing that sometimes these words are reasonable if not essential we all should try harder and be kinder and seek the magic in life

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thanks Larry yes, my schooling has been to avoid the words should must what if wish desire yet I think these urges are fundamentally human, so what I attempt to do is maintain hope with resilience, and that is my General motto allowing for moments of fetal positions on the floor your approach resonates with me thank you for taking the time to reach out again@@larrymarcus3176 ... Be kinder and seek the magic in life… Aah yes

[@NEbluefire]

I completely agree with you, but I have to make one exception to it. When that person is a political leader, in a position to broadly do damage to a lot of people with whom they are never in the same room, and that person is not seeking help, and that person thinks that they are entitled to it, to their behavior, and those ill-gotten gains that come with it, that person does not have my compassion. I called people like this lots of colorful names, and I don't apologize for it. They are the same names. I would never apply to people who are just sick, and need help, and even in a psychosis, they know it. They're not out there trying to acquire power, or enable those who are so doing, and affect wide swaths of people.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Well said… I feel that any leader in a public forum or any influencer has an "extra" responsibility and duty of care to lead others wisely and kindly… And this makes any deviation from compassion on their part extra or the more unacceptable… With public power comes extra responsibility... And greater duty of care. Yes I agree with you. There is so much more that could be said in this video with greater depth and elaboration there is so much that is left out. Thank you for commenting

[@NEbluefire]

@@LaurenOstrowskiFenton I agree completely. Thank you for the feedback. I'm sorry that you got nasty messages about the original video.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Thank you so much and I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to contribute wisdom that is helpful for others what you have written really resonates with me@@NEbluefire

[@theslideguy4228]

You are a beautiful lady.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Aaah thank you so much

[@MaddieOlson1993]

Hi😄

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Morning Maddie

[@harper7509]

I agree with that most of the time. However, there are times when an adequate description of a person's character is all you gotta say and you can drop the mic. Horrible people don't like short precise assessments of who they are. And that's too fucking bad.

[@LaurenOstrowskiFenton]

Yes Harper… I assume your name is Harper yes I hear you I definitely hear you with content sometimes we talk with the level of generics however specific situations differ I can relate to what you say there are some people as my father would say are just innately evil and I think your response is on point take care Lauren