Why Men Are Being Set Up To Fail

Why Men Are Being Set Up To Fail | Richard Reeves

Рет қаралды 11,613

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 79

@StoicWithYou Ай бұрын

Stoicism isn’t about being emotionless, it’s about being in control.’ Amen to that! A perfectly timed reminder that balance isn’t about avoiding the storm, but learning how to dance in the rain. Grateful for the perspective-thank you!

@mrc1111-x5y Ай бұрын

I really enjoyed this discussion! Wouldn’t it be nice if people would stop believing that every aspect of life is a zero sum game and that if you aren’t 100% with me, then you are against me. I am a 56 y.o. mother of two boys and have been left leaning in my politics my whole life. I have always been resolute in reminding my son of his middle class, male, white privilege, but I am now questioning if I did that in a way that still supported him and his real individual struggles. This “parenting” thing is a real struggle! Like Richard said, our generation wasn’t parented and we are still learning in a world that seems to be moving at the speed of light.. I hope that both of you will continue to have this type of conversation, it is desperately needed. Thank you!

@defAmunch Ай бұрын

Just let your son live his own life. Enough of the victim mentality

@lark_bark Ай бұрын

I've personally struggled with depression, anxiety, and alcoholism, and while I've made progress, I still have setbacks. But I've found solace in knowing I'm not alone, and that there is peace to be found. Washing, or cleansing, has been particularly helpful for me, and I want you to know that you're not alone either. We've all been through similar struggles.

@suzannederusha1370 Ай бұрын

What I get from this is that we all have emotions, feelings etc. However not all of us have been taught that it’s ok to feel how you feel. It’s also totally ok to ask for what you need. Keeping in mind not everyone is worthy of your trust.

@Bl00dmutt Ай бұрын

This is a bit of a ramble on a few things: I’ve been studying stoicism for about over a year now and I’ve always found an issue with the contradiction between the virtue justice and the saying “have no opinion” because in order to practice the virtue justice we must form an opinion on whatever we believe is justice. There are certainly instances in life when having no opinion is necessary and valuable, but justice in and of itself is built upon opinion. Now whether your opinion on a topic is well informed and therefore rational is a whole another thing depending on what the topic is. There were a number of valuable insights here about how the right and left are too reactionary and how we miss the bigger picture through getting caught up in it all. Conversations like this around the differences in gender, the recognition of socialisation and the rejection of biological essentialism. I am a transsexual man (female to male) and I face male discrimination just like cis men do (non trans) because in my last job I worked at a primary school and I was offered by the women because I am male, also because I objected to the way the boys were treated and handled with when they got into trouble and I took the time to ask them how they were feeling instead of automatically assuming that they are inherently troublesome because “they are just boys and that’s what they are like” which my female colleagues said in front of me as if I wasn’t in the room. I’m also no stranger of feeling like there is no support for men when it comes to mental health issues and I also feel like there is not really a place for masculine men in some sections of society like there used to be and I’m no stranger to feeling the loneliness or isolation despite being born the other way. As in insight into the inner LGBT community there isn’t much of a place for me either because I am “too masculine” and straight, so often there isn’t much of a place for me. Tho I will admit the company and friendship of cis men is a lot more valuable because there is a shared brotherhood and I think within that brotherhood is the opportunity for positive change for all men. It’s just about finding the right friends. Trans people were mentioned or inferred in the video a few times here and I don’t believe either of these men have the experience or knowledge to really comment on it. What Ryan inferred at the end of the video about a girl shaving her hair and being mistaken as trans is not wholly a big deal, but it does show that yes young people may now assume this when it happens, which I think shows people’s awareness of the wider world and it’s not a bad thing to be supportive of something different to yourself even when you were incorrect about your assumption because ultimately it came from a good place with good intentions. I’m not sure how the daily stoic community would react to a trans man making a comment openly here, but if you respond I hope you remember the virtues we strive to everyday and also that we are made of “the same directing mind” that Marcus Aurelius talks about often.

@davidthor4405 Ай бұрын

Not really “part of the community”, so to speak (I mean, I just peek in every now and again) but I thought your inputs were really interesting and pretty important, too. The primary school part was kinda shocking to me, in all honesty. I’d never considered that that kind of thinking would be so… out in the open, I guess? On-the-ground inputs and anecdotes are probably what I’d say is THE thing missing in a lot of intellectual discussion, so I at least thought you made some very good points!

@jackhamm7745 24 күн бұрын

I think most of the people who follow Ryan relatively closely would have no issue with trans men in the community. In fact, there shouldn't be an issue with women either. Stoicism is often seen as a men's philosophy, but anyone can gain wisdom from it! Anyways, you're welcome here in my opinion. And thank you for your input.

@davidthor4405 24 күн бұрын

@ I guess it ultimately is a philosophy of self-control and healthy living, so really a lot of the lessons should be taught to as many as possible

@brutusmagnuson315 Ай бұрын

Oddly, one thing that’s given me some insight in understanding what’s emotional stunting/poor conditioning vs a natural part of my physiology is listening to trans guys, out of all things. I’ve heard a few talk about how testosterone and rearranging their body has affected the way the process emotions. One very interesting thing I’ve also noticed is that crying isn’t necessarily even the strongest expression of emotion. At my most emotional, I feel like my face becomes stone and my chest is heavy, and it’s made me feel less guilty about not crying when a family member dies or something else similar happens.

@michaelwilkinson5097 Ай бұрын

Podcast interviews.. definitely the way forward.. I'm curious to watch this

@rdmctague Ай бұрын

Ive listened to a handful of conversations on gender differences/achievement/culture and from my perspective the biggest problem with gender issues in our culture is these conversations. We have commodified role models and too many people's livelihoods depends on messaging to either gender. As we see with so many cultural issues the messages that often win are the ones that are shallowest, lowest effort garbage which allow people to justify taking the least agency in improving their own existence and pit us against some imagined "other". If you look at discourse about the world at large its blatantly clear that the conditions of our lives have changed dramatically over the last 50 years and there are clear and obvious causes which we are ignoring. There is a huge power and information disparity in our society and trying to find a way to just deal with it is preventing us from addressing it. Edit: I would also like to say that part of the problem is that our natural role models have been gutted by large scale decisions which impacted entire generations of people. The gutting of resource extraction and manufacturing jobs by those industries wrought enormous harm to generations of parents. The drug war and opiate epidemic imprisoned generations of parents. The great recession gutted generations of family's savings including people on fixed incomes who saved for their whole careers. The consistent attacks on the welfare state including onerous unemployment requirements, mismanagement of the VA, and fear mongering about Medicare have created an environment of desperation and fear among our population. It's no wonder young people struggle to find good role models when our employers and government have consistently attacked our ability to live a good life. I absolutely cannot grasp the attachment to traditional gender role nonsense, it's a blip in our world. For most of human history we had more egalitarian lives in tribal life and on family farms. During the industrial revolution men were no more likely to lose fingers in factories, women and children were all working 16 hour days and getting maimed by the machine. Reeves is taking the easy route by just dealing with the symptoms instead of the illness, if your message depends in hearkening back to an unachievable and unique past condition it's doomed to failure.

@utubeuser7314 Ай бұрын

Yeah I’d say it’s a new buzzing industry that podcast hosts can make revenue out of. It’s also a good way to present your case as a podcast host for lucrative brand deals and sponsorships for male products when you say you have a target audience constituting “men seeking self-improvement”.

@Marcus_Aurelius_way 28 күн бұрын

GREAT WORK😍

@BenjamimT 21 күн бұрын

Amazing discussion! I'm really enjoying Richard's book, very important to everyone, but especially if you have sons.

@ShiWolfe Ай бұрын

IDK about the crying thing. I hear beautiful music or watch a movie with a touching moment and I'll feel teary. But when I feel miserable or am in a situation where tears are warranted, I don't cry. I'll feel my emotions, but crying just isn't something I to express sorrow.

@Toneloke-3000 20 күн бұрын

I find that the people who are afraid to cry lack in empathy, and people who are afraid to laugh openly especially at themselves are usually quite narcissistic.

@ShiWolfe 20 күн бұрын

@Toneloke-3000 that's... a very harsh judgment

@Toneloke-3000 20 күн бұрын

@@ShiWolfe just my personal experience and observation of over 50 years. People are afraid to keep it real & want a sugar coat and tell people what they want to hear just to get them out of their face.

@ShiWolfe 20 күн бұрын

@@Toneloke-3000 well in the presence of a very judgmental person I don't blame somebody for wanting to keep their vulnerabilities under wraps.

@christopher_schwab Күн бұрын

Great discusson guys!

@raelenes.weaver4515 Ай бұрын

Great conversation on so many levels. I love the focus on encouraging people to do what they're best at and the term gender egalitarians. Also asking how we can develop virtues or what I refer to as maintaining our "moral compass." So cool Ryan you interviewed Ken Burns. I would like to have learned more about Richard's statement about how we talk about the differences between men and women, but there are actually more differences between men and other men. The point about delayed gratification vs survival and who to trust was excellent. Also the point about tearing up the old scripts for men and how that has created a massive vacuum of men not feeling needed was spot on. I found myself getting excited at certain points of your conversation and wanting to chime in to share my passion about the importance of raising emotionally healthy boys, which I expand upon in my TEDx talk and book, Let Boys Be Kids First. Richard talked about how difficult it was for him to get his book published and how he's a bit skeptical of those who make this work seem easy. It's not easy. Social change is hard. "The obstacle is the way" encourages us to be brave and forge forward. Thank you to both of you for the great work you do.

@KairosDBT Ай бұрын

Go, Richard!

@PseudoSimpleton Ай бұрын

It blows my mind hearing people say that the world is better with Amazon. While it may be more convenient from a purely consumer/consumption aspect…the negative impact on labor, unrealistic productivity, and on local/small business is undeniable. Saying the world is better w Amazon is completely out of touch or just choosing to ignore the amount of terrible things the company does.

@andresmora4960 Ай бұрын

Cant small business sell on amazon? Werent a TON of new businesses ceeated because of Amazon? Are there thousands of new jobs?

@PseudoSimpleton Ай бұрын

@ unless you’re legitimately unaware, these are bad faith counterpoints. Businesses are essentially forced to participate by selling on Amazon only to be completely ripped off by the platform, have their ideas and designs stolen from them w Amazon Essentials dups. A job isn’t equal to a job…thousands of jobs that give shit pay and limited to no benefits aren’t anything to brag about despite just being praised by media and politicians as “job creation”. These are jobs that clearly do not pay what labor is worth and for what the production value is.

@PseudoSimpleton Ай бұрын

@@andresmora4960 Unless you're genuinely unaware, these are bad faith counterpoints. Businesses are basically forced into selling on amazon even though they get screwed by the platform, have their ideas/designs stolen and turned into Amazon brand shit. Businesses being created to sell shit that is nearly instantaneously bound for landfills arent a good thing. A job isnt equal to a job...these arent jobs paying living wages, providing adequate healthcare benefits, or even where workers are being treated w the minimal amount of dignity and respect. And this doesnt even get into to the impacts on landfills, the environment, emissions, and nonrenewable resources. So while it is extremely convenient for those at home ordering, trying to argue that its existence and business practices are a net positive for society is just not accurate.

@Toneloke-3000 20 күн бұрын

@@andresmora4960 most business models when you are a huge retailer buying in massive bulk you get a cheaper rate per unit then the smaller stores or independent ones. This is just another factor of how monopolies dominate.

@VolkanKamil Ай бұрын

you’re missing out if you ain’t read the ebook Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, it breaks it all down

@chandlerzhu9735 19 күн бұрын

the latter half is great, never heard that in his other interviews

@toddd6563 Ай бұрын

Reeves definitely seems to hit accurately at a lot of issues facing men, but he seems to get caught up in egalitarianism unfortunately. A step in the right direction perhaps

@JohnyAngelo 20 күн бұрын

I think he means well but it's a tough balancing act nowadays not to be written off by one or the other side.

@foxyheart517 Ай бұрын

Please provide a video specifically addressing individual survival and coping mechanisms in an autocracy

@SikOfBS Ай бұрын

The Dichotomy of Control... You'd be amazed how much is out there on the matter

@medievalchameleon102 29 күн бұрын

The one masculinity podcast that you aren’t a douche if you listen to it

@r8chlletters Ай бұрын

The way men turn to substances is very disheartening for those of us suffering the consequences of their selfish imbalance.

@billusher2265 23 күн бұрын

>men more likely to face alcoholism and drug abuse, women most effected

@Toneloke-3000 20 күн бұрын

And there is ego, greed and misogyny to go along with that.

@narendrasomawat5978 Күн бұрын

@@Toneloke-3000how it always turn out to be about woman

@narendrasomawat5978 23 сағат бұрын

@@Toneloke-3000 woke women are destroying western society

@WLX-xj9dm Ай бұрын

Do you have a merchandise store?

@aaronhall5715 Ай бұрын

The call is coming from inside the house guys.....

@chucktaylor4958 Ай бұрын

If you cannot run, you may be able to ride a bicycle with vigor.

@zeppelin0110 22 күн бұрын

The ebook "Magnetic Aura" is absolute trash. Nobody should buy it. Instead, watch this podcast.

@EmreEbru-o2k Ай бұрын

this is cool and all, but ebook Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki shows the whole picture

@Yusufiklil-s4l Ай бұрын

don’t waste your energy on weak stuff, ebook Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki is the real move

@TimurErkan-n7x Ай бұрын

not saying this is bad, but ebook Magnetic Aura makes it look basic

@igoromelchenko3482 Ай бұрын

Who cares 🙄

@amjadmuhammad3073 Ай бұрын

@anonymouslyanonymous4774 Ай бұрын

Only someone who wants to have command over themselves

@JenOween Ай бұрын

I do. I'm concerned about my husband and my son. Also, just other men because they are half of the population. If half of any group is suffering, the entire group is suffering.

@DiegoB0525 Ай бұрын

If you don't care, why are you here?

@Q-154 Ай бұрын

⁠@@JenOweenthank you for caring about men.