Why the Anxious Attachment Style Experiences So Much Limerence & What to Do!

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Why the Anxious Attachment Style Experiences So Much Limerence (Infatuation) & What to Do!
- What is Limerence
- Where it Comes From
- How to Change Limerence
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Thank you for watching!

[@naturallyniece320]

when you said that someone has gone from “one limerence to another” , that’s ME!!! The last 12 years I’ve had short honey moon phases that end and I suffer from limerence for YEARS until I meet someone new to do it all over again.

[@angelalomeli8620]

Omg same

[@naturallyniece320]

Angela Lomeli glad I’m not the only one!

[@antilaw9911]

Your sic! You hurt people

[@robins6177]

I have had this really badly as well to the point I couldn’t have relationships at all for years.. I healed it now using Thais’ anxious attachment course on her website! There is hope you can reprogram it and totally change your life!!

[@everready2903]

Why does it end? Do you come on too strong and get all clingy?

[@strgrl89babe]

LIMERENCE: obsessive infatuation with someone, you have a crush one somebody but magnified by ten times. Impact can be destructive or disabling for a person. It's like an addiction in your mind. Your brain gets its needs met not only by presence but of fantasies of the future and memories of the past, and the way it gets its needs met. The movie you play out in your mind, your release neurochemical reactions and emotions, so your brain can fantasize about a person and get needs met. An example is constantly checking someone on social media, or extreme: stalk person. Identify what that void is made up of. Most attachment styles suffer from limerance at some point, you might think you get strong feelings really fast. Biggest root cause: is not knowing your self properly so you latch on to other people on a subconscious level. You see it as a connection between attachment and safety. No other attachment style has made, dismissive avoidance don't see safety equaling connection, fearful avoidance are constantly in a state of hypervigilance and distrust, appreciation of connection, oxytocin but don't think its safe. Anxious preoccupied have that association at a subconscious level. PUrely anxious pre occupied literally feel unsafe if they don't have persistent close connection in their lives, because you didn't learn how to break off completely and self sooth and be independant. Also have these limiting beliefs that "im not good enough have to win approval" One of the biggest when your conditioned to focus on external people one of the causalities in that process is losing a relationship to yourself. Know your self, know your fears, whats bothering you and why, self reflect on your feelings and needs, be aware on how to question and mark thru these things. Know your desire and dreams. All of these constitute with being in a relationship with your self. Or you will have a void in you on a subconscious level and you will look outside of yourself to get these needs met. Outside of your self is the most unstable place to get those needs met. So then you are constant fixed with this unpredictable void which keeps looping back. " i feel a void, disconnection from myself causing me to seek attachment outside of me but people are just not always available" So stop hyper-focusing outside of yourself. The moment someone comes along making you feel good enough, seen, heard, safe, you then get addicted to them there in lies your limerence. Your mind plays this subconscious expectations of that better not change because that person is a source" i stopped at 11:06 good stuff thanks miss gibson

[@alexgreen1913]

That sounds really bad. I know I have this and I'm doing my best to change my attachment style. I never want to put anyone in this spot ever again.

[@1986nitya]

That was a good description!

[@CosmicHealingGoddess]

S Gandhi do you think a person can suffer from limerance with more than one person at a time? Have multiple persons at once? almost like a love addict? Sounds sick but I’ve witnessed this with friends. Must be rooted from a deep sense of low self esteem?

[@vlst8715]

@@CosmicHealingGoddess @AA Karma very good question, actually! Yes, it's possible and I'm experiencing it myself. Got me into trouble a few times. I've also known people like that, who identified themselves as polyamorous and even had poly relationships for quite a while. And it seemed cool, but when I looked under the surface, those didn't appear healthy to me at all. I personally don't think all poly relationships are necessarily disfunctional and bound to fail, I believe they are possible and can be cool if the participants are mature enough to handle all the responsibilities (frankly, I'd try them out eventually, when I'm sure my traumas are healed, to see if they work for me). But it seemed like those people weren't, they couldn't quite wrap their heads around what polyamory or basically any other kind of relationships really were about. That sickly infatuation and triggering each others' disfunctional coping strategies have caused even more drama. So it got me thinking how to prevent those mistakes in my own life. I tried to investigate the mechanism of that phenomenon by getting to know them and their experience. But I wasn't very successful, because I've had a very little idea about attachment styles back then and couldn't put all the pieces together in a meaningful way. Moreover, my curiosity got me stuck in disfunctional relationships with/triggered by a few of them, so I had to wrap it up quick. I also have noticed them (me included) being drawn to each other like magnets. I've assumed it could happen because of the likemindedness, or trauma bonds, or both. Still trying to learn more about this behaviour and how to improve it, without necessarily avoiding polyamory. Basically, how much of it is unhealthy and needs to be corrected, and how much can be safely left alone. I guess it will take a lot of trial and error.

[@th3d3wd3r]

@@alexgreen1913 I know those feels Alex

[@Adam-xs3ng]

You will tend to have limerence when you are insecure and lacking confidence. Work on yourself, think about the good things in your life, get outside, get some exercise. You will crush the obsession.

[@Adam-xs3ng]

@Jojo Moa you're right time is the key, eventually you will realise the person you put on a pedestal has faults and flaws like us all. The gloss on that person will fade. In the meantime work on yourself, make yourself the priority and see how much they work for your time and attention. If interest is not mutual and equal the dynamic of the relationship will never work.

[@katkatkat5]

Or if you are feeling unfulfilled and unloved in your relationship.

[@Adam-xs3ng]

@@katkatkat5 If you are behaving normally and like a good person and your partner is starving you of attention then they are consciously or unconsciously manipulating you with stonewall tactics. That is abuse. If they refuse to engage honestly at an emotional level then you should move on. It won't change.

[@thunkjunk]

@@katkatkat5 I think you are on the right track. I'd say limerence is based on lonliness. If you don't respond then I'll go crazy thinking about our internet relationship. I'm kidding...sort of.

[@metaphor5774]

Lol. This is just prime example of free therapy.. brings more harm than good. Attachment issue is more than security and confidence. What you say is just….worthless

[@noname-hp4vv]

Outside yourself is the most unstable place to get your needs meant! WoW!!! That hit home and boy is that true. Self soothing tips please?

[@AngelikaDiana]

Depends on what you like. Hot baths (something about being surrounding the the warmth is soothing), sit in nature, create art, journal, meditate, exercise, hot cup of tea and snuggle with a pet, cook a fancy meal... anything that you find relaxing to channel your energy. Limit activities that are distractions when self-soothing. Distractions numb your thoughts/feelings whereas those other activities can help your brain work through and process those emotions.

[@anja9587]

@@AngelikaDiana this is so very well put, thank you so much! 🙏

[@tubber]

@@AngelikaDiana simple and to the point. thank you.

[@MCrystalMaidenn]

@@AngelikaDiana what would you consider as distraction when doing self soothing activities?

[@AngelikaDiana]

@@MCrystalMaidenn Anything where you numb out. Eg, watching tv, drinking in excess, etc. Thais gives the example like if you went over to a friend's place for comfort and that friend just scrolled social media, watched tv, drank, etc, and didn't pay attention to your needs, it wouldn't be a good friend. So imagine doing that to yourself... If you numb out, you are ignoring your feelings. Try and do things that bring comfort instead. =)

[@ashlynn8961]

It’s so embarrassing having issues with limerence bc you feel so crazy all the time. I want to heal and I’m just going to have to accept that healing = no male energy in my healing space bc they don’t mix well :/ I just get so hurt, it’s not worth it to me until I fully heal from this attachment style

[@jncite]

Hey :) the only real way to learn is by getting your hands dirty. All the best!

[@TheBeautifulShutin]

I hear ya sista ❤️

[@robins6177]

Best of luck to you, I’ve done the same just not talk to any guys for a very long time because it feels so painful. Spend a lot of time going out and doing things alone and getting to know and love yourself unconditionally and gain a confidence in that no matter what happens you’ll always have just yourself which is truly enough.. once you reach that level then allow (healthy) guys to get to know you. Keep taking notes and learning all you can about your attachment style and keep applying what you’ve learned to heal to your life in real time.

[@niknurain]

I think we’re on the same journey; I just wanted to say that it does hurt knowing this truth. A dear friend told me about limerence just now and before this I had no idea it existed. Learning about it and knowing that this is my reality broke me to tears but I believe that people like us can overcome. We can heal and we can love ourselves and others healthily. You’re not alone 💛✊☀️ we can do this!

[@arielmoreno7774]

You don't need to feel embarrassed!! You are aware and that is a HUGE key to healing. 🕊❤

[@karenaware6569]

This video makes me want to cry. The truth is hard but it’s freeing to know why I act so obsessive sometimes in relationships.

[@naturallyniece320]

I literally just told someone this today. That idk why my validation is always placed in the guy who does not want me.... I spend years trying to get past unrequited love.

[@suzzanahwinters5052]

how did you do that? Please help me, I am going through this phase for 8 years. and i have tried so much to get better but always fail

[@forshitsandgiggles4292]

For me, it’s because my validation was first and foremost placed in my father.. who kinda doesn’t see me, ever.

[@sofiagarrahan4170]

Right?? Me too! I JUST found out about this concept yesterday and I’m in awe, because I struggled with this for years for the same reason as you (or at least I believe that it comes due to my father’s indifference and invalidation).

[@CinemaDoll137]

I've been going through this for 6 years with one guy :(

[@CinemaDoll137]

@@forshitsandgiggles4292 same. Dad was basically absent during the Formative years of my life ( 10-18 ) because he had to stay and work in the city I'm from while mom and I moved hours away. His decision, not his and my mom's. He supposedly regrets it. But, when he did visit, he had become intensely abusive - physically, emotionally, and psychologically. When he wasn't attacking me while visiting, he was emotionally distant. He's never called me beautiful. Now, I realize that I seek men to fulfill that fatherly role.

[@val-id8vi]

The thing about attaching to people who express those traits we have but have repressed is so true and it’s so crazy how it’s so not talked about anywhere, at least I’ve never heard about it from anywhere else

[@melissamullinator]

The poet John Keats was DEFINITELY limerencing so hard - he's probably the most extreme example of this!

[@rainydays72]

Can you do another video going into how to overcome limerence through identifying/filling those voids in a healthy way, what exactly one should do? How to find safety and security in yourself?

[@anitashehu9784]

You can check fairy tale crap childhood.

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

@@anitashehu9784 crappy childhood fairy

[@amiralovato]

And I thought I was dealing with a breakup. When I was with him, I was anxious all the time, scared He would never text me again, scared I wasn’t good enough for me. I couldn’t eat or sleep for months. I stopped having hobbies and only thinking about him. After 4 months I decided to breakup, because I was not only physically but also mentally sick. It’s been 2months but it’s super hard

[@afaafabdallah6992]

Hey ,wanted to know how u r doing right now and that journey u are on,did u get better at developing a relationship with yourself and reduce the obsessions u had for that person ?

[@GA-rs2ei]

This is me... I was with a highly dismissive avoidant that causes me so much pain and after 4 years I’m just starting to realize it wasn’t love. But somedays I wasn’t even going to work because he didn’t text me “good morning “ I’d highly appreciate strategies to heal myself

[@laurentaylor6391]

This is me too. Spot on

[@clintconnelly2504]

You're not alone

[@jenjen2868]

OMG. I can not thank you enough. I've been struggling with this for a couple of months now, and had no idea what Limerence was. I've been so obsessed with a guy a work that I've started doing crazy things. The difference is that it started as a mutual 'crush', but took a weird turn. Just in time I realized how bad this situation was. I watched THIS video last night, and already feel much better today now that I know what I'm dealing with. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You saved me from making a bigger ass of myself.

[@CristinaMartinez-ln3rh]

This was extremely useful. I’ve been experiencing limerence for the first time, I think, and it has been extremely disruptive and distressing (first, because I’m married; secondly, because the object of my limerence isn’t someone who is a logical match for me). It’s been months that I’ve been feeling completely “in love” with this person and I know there’s no logical reason to feel this way. This explanation is exactly what I’ve been going through and I’ve been getting better over the past weeks every time I identify the habits that have been intensifying these feelings (for example, being around the LO more than necessary, etc) and actively curbing those habits when I realize I’m engaging in them. I think the reason that this started for me is due to underlying issues/trauma in my own marriage (some abuse, neglect, constant rejection and dehumanization) that have caused me to disassociate and “close into myself” in order to escape the reality by daydreaming away on this individual. I’ve felt very sad for myself due to this, but I am working on myself to hopefully get the help I need and change my habits before they get me into a depression and continue affecting me.

[@betransformed682]

Wow im going through this same thing I'm married as well

[@victoriauzoni8800]

Wow this is WILDLY helpful and explains my whole life! I have done this since I was a kid (not always in a romantic way, I obsessed over certain nurturing adults). As an adult I’ve done SO MUCH self-work and healing, as well as was in a healthy 3-year relationship. The limerence is mostly gone, which feels amazing, but I experienced it intensely recently after my partner and I broke up. I’ve always thought it was some kind of sign or intuition that I should follow. Ultimately it’s a sign to prioritize my needs and lean into myself and trustworthy people.

[@mfscpa]

Omg I felt like you were talking directly about me. I had no idea this is what’s going on with me. It’s kind of scary. I just started and lost two friendships back to back in the past eight months. Thought I had crushes that I pushed away. Nope. It’s because I’m AP. But I really want to work on myself. I’m so grateful I found you and your channel Thais. You’re incredible. Thank you.

[@romyclips6479]

That's basically my ex, who has "quiet" BPD. She was obsessed with me at the start of our relationship and told me she loved me after two weeks. We were together for almost two years, when she "fell in love" with some other guy she had known for only two months. She couldn't tell the difference between love and limerence, so the newer, more intense "love" won in the end.

[@jumpninthedarkalley]

Wow bro. Exact same story. Such is life!

[@Sophiaahhaahh]

Praise the Lord ! He has brought me to you after much prayer through some really difficult times! Thank you for your wisdom and content . You are helping me so so much Thais!!!!!!

[@design401]

I'm sp glad I came across your videos..... connection equals safety for sure. I connected with a guy from high school I was literraly thinking of him everyday. For a month now.... we finally had a chance to talk a few days ago. I will say he did not return the same affection.... Today was so hard. He even looks safe.... Very attractive and tall. I've been single for too long.... 10+ years. my trauma is around my mother..... She was addicted to drugs my whole childhood...,she's also a narcissit....

[@design401]

I can come back and say...that it ended up differently and we are now dating... Very happy....not as much intense emotion but we are very compatible and connected.

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

So glad we are all getting real with this. Limmerence is where the psyche splits due to past trauma..showing us what needs to be healed in the present. When I was rejected by a love interest he had ghosted me. After multiple times trying to contact him in multiple ways including showing up at his house twice ( limmerent for over 7 months duration) he finally sent me two texts to explain to me to stay away from him etc. Unfortunately his lack of ending things between us got me into limmerence. Always thinking he would return and we would have a friendship and a bond. Man was I ever wrong. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Not much euphoria to speak of. Mostly just crippling anxiety and grief for someone I thought I cared for whom I'd lost. I could not cope with the loss of this love interest, I think my mind could not accept it. Finally I had to get the wheels turning the other way after he confirmed his disinterest in me or having anything to do with me whatsoever and blocked me.in every single way he could. My brain has been healing. I am at the point where everytime he comes to mind I do one of 3 things. Send him love and light and wish him well in my mind. 2) crank out 5 positive things I love about myself, or 5 reasons why i deserve self forgiveness( especially for semi stalking behaviour) and 3) realise he is not worth my time, energy or attention and immediately derail or break off the limmerent thinking at the quick

[@vandal280]

Man am I so predisposed to limerence. I'm AA and I can look back on my life and see so many instances of this. I'm heading towards secure after diving into attachment theory for almost 2 years, and it's kinda funny to think back on the times I obsessed over person after person

[@melissamullinator]

Holy shit, I never knew why this happened to me. Thank you so much!

[@kyrareneeLOA]

The Anxious part: 6:56 Learning to soothe though other people... Thank you for the clarity. 🙏 I see so many in Limerence.

[@1986nitya]

I've always suffered from limerence and I'm glad Thais has been coming out with detailed content on this issue, which is not covered a lot. Thanks, Thais! She is the 'go-to' person for limerence related content.

[@jasonfanclub4267]

True

[@s.e.f8160]

I have limerence for my husband of 10 years. I’ve been chasing his love for a decade and he’s a dismissive avoidant . The few times during the last 10 years I’ve pulled myself together and started to detach, he senses it and swoops in to show me the love and attention He knows ive wanted reciprocated and just long enough to reel me back in and then regress back to me obsessing over him and him being cold and distant to me. It’s torture

[@Jellllooooo]

this sounds a lot like bread crumbing and it is a typical strategy of narcisists.

[@juicybignut]

I don't think you should be with him anymore if he treats you like that

[@MN-re9oh]

Same with me!

[@EphesianRose]

But if he agreed to marry you - at least he returned your feelings at some point?

[@jcgiff]

This is my experience. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

Ah thank you. This describes why my relationship with the DA in my life follows the patterns it does. When we first met, and he was just a friend, we were fine. Then when he told me he wanted to start seeing me, he started acting really limerent towards me in the beginning, telling me he was fantasising about me and acting out fantasies in his mind. Then once we started seeing each other and he would close off and become more stuck and defensive and DA. Then once I would reject him for being too dismissive and triggering my abandonment wounds. Then a few weeks later, I would keep getting really AP. Which is what has happened to me now. I saw him at a funeral the other day of friends and he was smiling at me one minute then ignored me the next, since we've split up recently. Since then I've turned into a limerent anxious mess and found my anxiety going through the roof I was even getting a stress head-ache yesterday because my mind was so preoccupied. I need to get on with my life and learn how to manage my anxiety and yes, just be myself and do whatever the things are that I need to do which my psyche is replacing with the fantasies about my DA ex / partner now he's not talking to me... and stop obsessing... Thanks :-D

[@petrajordanmusic]

Thank you so much, Thais! The association between connection with another and safety was a new learning for me. I’ve tried to overcome limerence for years!!! Knowing I was fantasizing about someone unavailable and actually NOT wanting to get involved with him in real life but my brain would refuse to stop the addiction, even though I had developed more secure ways of relating to myself. But the limerence stayed. Now I understand why.

[@ashleyhosek6740]

Would love to hear from someone that has experienced this and healed from it. Seems like I don’t really know what steps to take to break this toxic cycle of admiring people who aren’t right for me.

[@victoriauzoni8800]

I’ve had constant limerence from a young age and have healed from it (I’ve experienced it only once in the past 3 years- briefly and right after a break up) through learning to genuinely love myself, take care of myself, and realizing I HAVE and can cultivate so many qualities I’ve admired in others - my admiration was my body intuitively knowing that experiencing those types of traits would be very freeing and healing for me. This all took years. I do think the fact you recognize those people aren’t right for you is everything. I never recognized this and would think the limerence was some kind of sign it was meant to be.

[@ashleyhosek6740]

@@victoriauzoni8800 thank you so much for sharing ♥️ I needed that this AM

[@theantt21]

I’m a person in your shoes not perfect but hear me out. Stay in the present not the future or the past. See things for what they are and not what they could be. I not only have a fear of abandonment I have a fear of falling out of love. I’ve unconsciously used limerence to create this fantasy that when I am being abandoned I reframe that as the person is just busy or nervous when in reality they did walk out of my life. And my fear of falling out of love is thinking if I no longer love the other person they probably never loved me but if I have this intense love for another person then surely they feel this way too.

[@rfbates03]

Thank you so much for this!! 🙏🏻 I’ve had counselors/therapists who couldn’t explain this to me in these terms. I’ve read books on codependency, love addiction, and attachment styles. Now it finally makes sense to me. 💡

[@feliciaxa5072]

It ALL makes sense now! I always thought I just got boy crazy easily. So helpful!

[@DEEPCYCLEGARAGE]

Limerence for me is much more subtle. Not so strong but I put friends, co-workers and of course love interests on a high pedestal they don't deserve and I should run away from some of them.

[@robins6177]

This video is pure gold on this subject. Thank you so much for explaining in depth and giving exact methods for healing this!!! I have slowly but surely healed my issues with your information she is the real deal people! There is hope for you!

[@aam3361]

Everything single day. From the moment I wake up to the night. Get very little done because of it 😞

[@Revolution-tl5wo]

So basically, every love song and poem ever written.

[@lollypop890]

Wow I’m so glad I found this video. I only learned the term Limerence the other day and it’s exactly what I’ve been like for years and years. It’s so hard to stop doing it it ends up blowing up in my face every time then I’m devastated

[@anja9587]

Thais, you are an amazing human being! Thank you so much for your wonderful work, you have no idea how much this has helped me heal my heart and soul. It is such a liberating feeling when you understand what is happening with you and that you're not crazy, stupid, worthless being that way. Your videos and your kind, gentle and generous voice help me get to know myself deeply. Forever grateful to you and your work 🙏♥️

[@karenthompson5539]

Grateful I was able to refer back to this video. One year later, the day after my father's funeral, I learned my DA friend and limerence target suddenly relocated across the country. Even though I haven't seen him recently due to COVID, I am feeling panicky and more unstable as I am also experiencing a health and housing crisis. Thanks for helping me understand what I need to focus on. ❤

[@smileyface702]

Thank you so much. Your advice about getting to know myself better really touched me on a deep level. I always thought I knew myself well, but I was wrong. Maybe that changed when I traumatically lost my religious faith (omg I just connected the dots on why that was so traumatic for me - I felt like God "abandoned" me). But maybe I never really knew the authentic me when I was deeply religious, even though I had a lot of self-assurance due to the rigid dogma of the church, it was a conditional kind of self-concept and self-regard. I recently had a revelation that I must be anxious-preoccupied, but it took me a long time to realise this because I avoided relationships and intimacy for a really long time because I was terrified of it. So, the whole stereotype about jumping from one relationship/infatuation to the next has never really applied to me. The rare times I let someone into my heart, I fixate and get obsessive, but I also tend to take ages to get over them, even when we've been no-contact for a while and I'm committed to not getting back together with them. I am reluctant to get attached to another person quickly because I don't like the feeling of needing someone so desperately, of being addicted to them. I've actually been single for over 7 years and have only had 1-2 instances of limerance in that time because I was so avoidant of intimacy (in friendships let alone romance) for a very, very long time after my first romantic relationship (in which I felt incredibly addicted and codependent). So, I just wanted to say that that sterotype of the AP as relationship hoppers, rarely single, quick to move on doesn't hold true in my case. Also, my recent limerance did involve me falling for someone quickly because I finally allowed myself to be vulnerable and open to intimacy, but that hasn't been the case historically for me (not letting myself ever be vulnerable enough to develop feelings/feel needy). Wow, that was a rant.

[@cisumvuli1]

You're probably anxious avoidant (fearful avoidant) and tou see saw between the anxious attachment and the avoidant attachment being the dominant type expressed. Like in your friendships you feel safer as an avoidant but on the romantic side once you give things a try the anxious part kicks in heavily. I'm similar to this.

[@taraj763]

This is such a clear video, I have definitely experienced limerence and hated it, it is so good to understand where this is coming from and that it is possible to change this. Absolutely love your channel!

[@5musictomyears5]

This is me and when she said when your partner is away or there's that's come between you and your partner, you feel so unsafe. In my mind it literally feels like we broke up. This video really helped me understand what is going on, and I would love to hear more about this topic. Thank you!!

[@rosaleennelson4168]

Thank you so much for coming into my life and making sense of a part of me. This is absolutely life changing, healing stuff.🙏♥️xx

[@isolditaa]

This was exactly what I was looking for and you just posted it. What a sign! Thank you, this was very helpful!

[@charlottemarceau8062]

I'm in one of the worst episodes of limerence I've ever experienced with a DA. I'm going mad and suffering terribly 😔

[@brendametube]

I’m not even halfway through but I had to stop and comment. I am 100% grateful, and at the same time, awestruck on how knowledgeable you are on this subject down to every last detail. It takes a heart of true passion for what you do and a heart of COMpassion for people in need to be able to understand and share your knowledge on levels that are as impressive as if you’ve gone through the experience yourself. It has taken my husband and I so much research to understand what happened to me just after my father was murdered, the pandemic was a fast growing concern, and we were loosing our home of 20 years... Then suddenly I fell deeply in love with another man. I love my husband and did not want to lose him but I did not know how to “unfall” in love. This went on for five months in secret because I was ashamed and afraid. It was so dark that I had many days of just wanting to give up and take my life. For five months I managed to protect the dignity of both my husband and this young man by hiding my problem from them and everyone. Unfortunately circumstances didn’t allow me to remove him from my life so he was there every day doing all of life with our family. Then God answered my prayers for help from the pain...My husband began to grow suspicious because of certain marriage principles he saw me compromising. Also he saw me look at this man in a way that he felt should have exclusively belonged to him alone. One day while laying in bed he tried to carefully address it( carefully because he knew I wanted out of life but he didn’t know why) I could feel his heart pounding as he tried to find words. That pounding broke my own heart for him and at that very moment I determined to somehow stop hurting him and dishonoring our marriage. So I brought light into the darkness when I told him what had been going on. The problem has been in the light for 2 and 1/2 months now and we are working through it day by day. I’m so blessed that my husband loves me and prays for me. I’m so thankful that he believes me and actually has compassion for how painful the whole ordeal has been. I can never appreciate enough, be thankful enough, or repay him enough that he recognized that I was a good wife and a faithful wife for 21 years. That he knew me enough to recognize that several circumstances out of my control set me up for this situation and many of the circumstances were unavoidable on my part. Fortunately no this person has moved on and things should be getting easier and they already have been an easier day by day. I am looking for the day when I don’t have any feelings for this person anymore. Thank you so much for being so thorough and compassionate. For honing your skills and sharing your gifts and talents with so much knowledge and compassion. Without you and a few others who truly care, I don’t know how we would even begin to find a path to healing.

[@paniq_fnite]

Thank YOU brenda for sharing your story and truth…. How did it end up as it’s been one year later? I experienced a similar situation 🥺

[@paddycullen1]

Thx so much for putting out this video. I fell into limerence with a coworker who complimented me about many of the things I was insecure about in my life. I’m doing a lot of self reflection, and I feel like this was because my mom never complemented me. She was not mean to me . She just had a parenting style where she didn’t compliment her kids. She was all over us when we made mistakes. So I think that I created a false narrative in my head that, I must not be good at all in many areas of life. My siblings just thought she was crazy or mean. I - instead - internalized it and assumed I was the problem. So along came another person who lifted me up dissimilar to my mom and the dopamine and oxytocin got flowing. Thank you for helping me put the pieces together

[@rocren6246]

You are amazing. This is very helpful for me, because I am just having this void, unsafe feeling since I do not get to see my L.O. during the weekend. Your analyse makes all the sense, and it is simply comforting and enjoyable listening to you.

[@NinVonReich]

Exactly, straight to the point. One of the best descriptions of limerence I have ever heard. Thank you!

[@rossgalbraith3878]

Who else had to look up "limerence"?

[@jasonfanclub4267]

🖐️

[@robins6177]

Thank you very much for these videos, and for creating Personal Development School it has changed my life already!

[@attheranch873]

Limerence can exist without having an anxious attachment style.

[@kennethultimate02]

But those with anxious attachment style magnifies limerance.

[@raindropsonroses3919]

She didn’t say it couldn’t...

[@nikolawiesemann8294]

This is the best and most helpful explanation I have ever heard on this issue. Thank you.

[@sofiagarrahan4170]

You don’t even know HOW MUCH this video and all of your channel helped me find the answers to questions I had for years, and also helped me name my problems, when I didn’t even know they had a name. BLESS YOU, and THANK YOU, I will forever be grateful for everything you’ve done for me and so many people 🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@lovelyloni8711]

My mind is blown! I didn't even realise I did this but I do😐 thanks so much! ❤

[@katieclark8924]

This has been so educational and helpful for me! I really value your videos. Thank you

[@michaeltpowers5316]

This was so necessarily informative for me. I stumbled across the term limerence and I immediately recognized how the definition directly applied to me. Now through this wonderful medium of youtube I can get further and deeper confirmation and information about this problem that I have. Thank you. This segment is extremely informative.

[@juliazillinger4405]

Omg I feel a 100% identified in this video.. It describes so much what is happening inside my mind and body everytime I meet somebody "special" which happens so often and the obsession is always very stressful to me. Whoever ignites these hopes in me definitely equals an (unreachable and so promising) feeling of safety in my mind. I never know how to get out of this addiction. It only happens with time and when someone else comes along. So it seems I need to "get to know myself"?

[@LesleySASMR]

Oh my god this makes so much sense. I was in a relationship for 6 years and have an anxious attachment and he mistreated me a lot but I kept going because I just always lived in a fantasy about our future and was seriously attached to him. I finally got myself out because it wasn’t reciprocal and emotionally abusive, which was so draining. But even now, I kind of obsess about him.

[@joysnow3779]

That video was so extremly valueable! Thank you Thais for all the excellent contet you put out. Be blessed, sending you much love & gratitude

[@RR-dd4vy]

Thais,i just want to say Thank you so much for all this remedial videos. I am a anxiously attached person, over past week i been going through this terrible limerence over one person who showed interest initially, had really awesome dates but turned out cold at the end. Your videos are life saver.

[@shleepingpowder2715]

I'm going through the same thing, it sucks.

[@HappyHolyHealthyLife]

Woah this is powerful! You put this together beautifully 🤗💕

[@anna4ever22]

You explained this better than anyone, Ever! This video was truly an eye openor for me. Thank you so much!! I feel relieved and this reeeally helps me to understand my behavior. I cant thank you enough! ❤️❤️🙏🙏

[@Sarah-mt2kv]

This is the best video I’ve seen in such a long time and I had so many lightbulb moments watching it, I had to write notes!

[@ChrisHutchison88]

Wow. You are fantastic. A saint to us struggling to understand ourselves. Thank you.

[@songsforlowewedding]

That last part of the video. I finally feel seen and understood. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing ❤ 💕 💗

[@heybarbs5838]

OMG you explained so well my inner issues, thank GOD I found this video

[@ChristianaSenibo]

Thanks for sharing this Thais 🙏

[@wellnessconnect3368]

I just paid for the all access subscription. You are a gem! Everything you say makes sense. Thank you. I have BPD and facing anxious attachment really is key! It’s the ROOT of my BPD personally.

[@aniahenderson]

Has the subscription helped? Just learned about limerence and I’m about to start going to therapy over things in the past I haven’t dealt with but was also wondering if the content is good in this* course? I might also try the free trial…

[@brenagade]

OMG! This is a massive breakthrough moment for me. Thank you so much Thais Gibson ❤❤❤

[@suset813]

The content in this video is extremely helpful. Thanks and I will be considering your website in facilitating me getting to know myself.

[@jncite]

DAMN...this is so accurate!

[@kimvanthull764]

Wow that was sooo insightful!! Thank you

[@milatonova5341]

Thank you so much for this video (and all of your content as a matter of fact). It helped me tremendously. You're a great psychologist.

[@laurayates4033]

Holy cow......how insightful!!!! Thank you!

[@patrickmitchell3258]

Excellent video! This has helped me so much x

[@Mistertunk]

This is such a useful video! I wish I knew about your channel sooner

[@Linda-td5si]

This was so helpful. Thank you!🙂💚🌿

[@xoxo3703]

Thank you so much for this, this is exactly how I feel

[@malhunt7]

Love your content Thais! 💗🙏

[@itssini4777]

Oh my god I finally understand what's going on with me 🥺 thank you so much

[@user-vu7rv1xf1l]

This is me, & its all terrifying, tragic, & depressing. I guess I'm not in love just mentally ill. What if both people have anxious preoccupied attachments? I know anxious & avoidant are a very painful mix, been there done that & never again.

[@damonchampion823]

Wow. Limmerance is love Addiction

[@realtruthseeker7913]

Wow this video was so helpful! In particular the last minute or so in regards to connection and safety and how you so accurately described how we carry it in our bodies! I was going through that at that moment! Yes, please Thais can you do a video specific to tactics to help those of us with AA and FA attachment styles deal with connection and safety? Its so draining to feel the way you so well described on a daily basis! And thank you for all you do Thais!

[@flourwillfly1445]

Where has this video been all my life? 😂❤️

[@vikigirl14997]

this is so extremely helpful thank you

[@sheilaalvarez83]

burning in torso omg!!! ty you've helped me so much.

[@marial3231]

Watched 10 minutes and I’ve subscribed!

[@lunab.7858]

i would LOVE a course on this in the future!

[@OmgitsNeens]

This video is a revelation.

[@pearlpearl3806]

Thanks so much for this video

[@amandamariemuise]

I wish I had seen this video 20 years ago. I now finally understand WHY I’m experiencing limerence and why I have in the past. Once I know WHY I can figure WHAT to do about it. Thank you for explaining limerence in a deeper way that makes sense rather than just surface blah blah. I’ll be looking into your program. ❤️

[@Snugglebunnyac8165]

I got that. Thanks for explaining it.

[@ireidu]

Great info!

[@Brian6587]

Sounds so accurate and I could relate to this heavily! I have an Anxious-Avoidant personality. Alot of it probably because of having a General Anxiety Disorder and OCD which probably influences things a great deal. I've had a very bad limerence occurrence a year and a half ago that I still think about to this day. It ended up in a brief hospitalization. I honestly wish I never had it. Any type of social interaction has always been very difficult for me. I have symptoms and characteristics coinciding with a high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder of Asperger's. As a Christian I can't tell you how much i've tried to understand what's happening and trying to understand the origin of all of it. I see and to an extant greatly believe Spiritual issues are a large part and I feel I need to develop my relationship with Christ more to fill those unmet needs. I have gone back and forth though in accepting any sort of Physical or Psychological component to all this but (slowly) am considering some things. I appreciate your video though because you've described my thoughts so very well! It's been very, very difficult with Limerence! Thank you for your video!

[@laurie3113]

Thank you!!!🥺

[@dunpop8323]

Wow 😯 literally just wow !!

[@jrenae5827]

This was really helpful thank you!

[@janellejoy8243]

I wish I'd heard this years ago. I had a psych tell me to set aside only 30 mins a day to fantasise haha. Add hypervigilence to limerence and I just thought I was crazy 🤷

[@viviancardenas5032]

Man. I hate to admit that this is something I still have problems with. It's not as bad as when I was younger and I can detect it now when it happens but I'm still prone to falling in this trap sometimes.

[@xjustxbelieve2689]

Vivian Cardenas same, you are not alone. I just recently learned about attachment styles because of someone calling me delusional, and infatuated many years ago. We’ve done back and forth for nearly 11 yrs. I’m finally understanding and now just want our completely!!

[@janellejoy8243]

I spend way too many hours going on walks and just romantising in my head. It can be bad as it forms an attachment not even made through actual time with a person, so increasing intensity of expectations and triggers. Definitely an addictive mindset.

[@kareemnegm6103]

So helpful!!!!!

[@PedroLMariano4]

Amazing! And scary at the same time! We anxious preoccupieds really suffer a lot! 😥