Why Women Keep Repackaging Femininity Advice & Trend Hopping

[@RedElephant169]

A year ago I quit my high paying corporate job to be a housewife for a year or so and take a break. It’s been wonderful. I don’t have any children so people in my family and friend group were very critical of this decision even though my husband makes triple what I do and gives me an allowance and had absolutely no issue with me being a housewife (he loves it in fact). After about six months of watching me on this journey, almost all the women in my circle that were critical admitted that they wish they too could take a break from working. One of my girlfriends is the breadwinner for her husband and child and she specifically lamented about how much she wishes her husband would provide for them like my husband does for me. Black women, you will get so much pushback for prioritizing rest, being provided for, and taking time off. But please know, in other communities this is incredibly normal. And sometimes it makes other black women uncomfortable to see you existing in this way because it’s not the norm in our community. But please continue to run towards a softer life in any way you can! Whether that be working from home, going on a sabbatical like me, working part time, taking more time off/relaxing, finding a job that gives you flexibility, whatever that is. Because I promise you, it’s amazing over here and your detractors might hate on you at first but they’d trade places with you in a heartbeat

[@LadyErnst]

I’m a housewife without children as well. My husband loves it and doesn’t want me to work at all. I’ve been a housewife my whole marriage. My friends and family were critical at first but have realized we don’t care what they think and we’re doing what makes US happy, not what makes them happy. I have full access of all finances including accounts. I’m not abused in any way. Like you said, it’s great over here. I don’t take it for granted and I’m very grateful.❤

[@jordynn55]

While I agree that the ultimate goal is to maintain a softer life to minimize stress, and to actually enjoy your life in general, I would never want to receive an allowance from someone else. To me, that’s really no different from receiving a paycheck and I’m sure expectations from your husband come with it, the usual expectations that most husbands would want anyway. If you’re OK with doing that that’s fine but in my eyes and opinion, I don’t see this is any different from working a job because sweat equity (cooking, cleaning, laundry, emotional support, managing inventory for the home, etc.) is labor.

[@RedElephant169]

@@jordynn55 i would have to do those things anyway. What is the difference for being paid for them in your opinion? I love my husband a lot more than my boss 😆

[@missj5564]

Agreed, I get so much pushback for not wanting to settle for less than I deserve. I am told that I will have to settle, because bm only make so much, there are other races of men that I am compatible with. I am at a point in my life where I have worked hard to get to where I am and want to relax. I have a career that affords me the flexibility to work from home some days and I enjoy what I do. If a man cannot afford me the soft life or is compatible in lifestyle to mine (emotionally, financially and spiritually), he might as well not approach me. I am at an age that I am not willing to struggle in the name of love, as I am looking for an addition and not a subtraction.

[@Yooooveeeee]

Lets see how he feels in 10 years

[@kawaiikoibito3268]

Personally for me being a SAHM DOES NOT scream soft life for me(I'm childfree) but even if I wanted to be a mother I think if i cant afford a nanny, or housekeeper, night-time doula etc ain't nothing soft about child rearing being a mother is HARD WORK.

[@moni5567]

Honestly it’s definitely not a soft life I’m a SAHM and it’s a sacrifice and even if you don’t have to cut back you don’t have time to get your hands and hair done or chill by the pool. But I still do my own hair, feet, and give myself time while my children are asleep and do some part time work to bring some extra money and gives myself something to do other than just taking care of everyone. It’s a lot of work.

[@jadellm.1222]

I would only considered being this if the father is going to be just AS hands on as me! That’s the only way I could consider being that when he gets off work I need him to actually be there and helping. When he’s at work I’m taking care of our children but when he gets home he takes over. But I do agree with having a maid and I also want a chef or food delivery every now and then. But as far as nanny I don’t know about that because people are crazy 🥴 rather it be me or their father or someone I’m VERY close with and trust . And I expect him to take maternity leave so that he can be home with me after birth.

[@oneandonly1990]

Unless you have a lot of help from family or money to pay for help, having children in general is anti soft life. I'm 10 months in motherhood and I'm tired already.

[@mimia.4810]

Yes, Children are a burden. However, For women who without a doubt want kids, being a stay at home mom is more of a “soft life” as opposed to being a working mother who works all day and comes home to tend to the kids. Just what I’ve observed.

[@katydid917]

It’s certainly soft in comparison to working all day and then having to come home and take care of the household at night.

[@Bloombaby99]

The things we find "abnormal" in our community are totally "normal" in other communities. If any group of women deserve "rest" or a "soft life", it's black women, period, point, blank.

[@ButterflyBree]

People are so used to ONLY seeing Black women laboring and serving others. Even other Black women. As a solo hiker and traveler, it bothers others to see me enjoying myself in solitude, without a dog or anything else. The discomfort this makes others feel is jarring. I wholeheartedly believe it's why folks feel entitled to try to engage women in solitude. Especially Black women enjoying our own company. It defies the narrative that society has perpetuated.

[@r.walker7986]

What's allegedly normal in communities is more about marketing than reality. Our community by large ain't got the money for no one to be resting or soft living and with black women being so race loyal.... most are gonna have to earn that lifestyle on their own...

[@butterflygirl01]

@@r.walker7986idk why yall be lumping black women in with the majority of broke a** black men…

[@r.walker7986]

@@catsrus-es9eu exactly, I said you will be a coupon queen, you wont work but you wont get to floss either, no ocean view suites for you. no starbucks, its home brew time.

[@kkuznetsov2424]

Facts

[@ashbeemua]

I hate how black women intentionally miss the point of soft life. It’s about enjoying soft moments when you can and making your life as easy as possible. We know we have to work and don’t need to be told the obvious. Just enjoy the pretty pictures and videos and relax😂

[@karzymimi42]

Say it louder please!!!

[@annkelly6349]

Right😂😂😂😂

[@BriellaSornFonte]

I feel black women miss the point whenever they add race to it. The reason I say that is Chrissie said that white women have “white supremacy” and they have conservative values. Chrissie says that as if Africans don’t have conservative values as well as other races and cultures that are not white. Many of the African American community’s problems would be solved if there were conservative values implemented in the slightest and those values say family structure is vital for a society the very family structure you all are trying to benefit from calling it “soft life”. The reason these other women may seem prejudice is because they have a prejudice towards the values that come out of black culture not the people. There are going to be racist people in every group but most people hold prejudices about each other’s culture which is something you cannot change but must learn it instead of labeling everything as racist because if that were the case some black people who don’t support black culture and who are conservative are they racist too?

[@thebadkids2320]

How come when black women see black men enjoying similar moments they praise them for it

[@etherealdreams7546]

⁠​⁠@@BriellaSornFonte Are u a black woman? Are u a troll? Idk if ur intentionally missing the point or if u genuinely missed the point because u just didn’t 100% understand the video. Chrissie is not anti conservatism she actually has some more so conservative leaning opinions but she’s not 100% politically aligned with any one political ideology and has said that before. U took some things she said out of context, the reason she commented on the conservative white women was because some of them are on social media and they promote being a trad wife and Chrissie was basically saying how the feminists are against them and the lifestyle they show, but she was also saying that there are pros and cons on both sides and u can listen to the critiques coming from each side and u don’t have to go to any one extreme of how to live your life. The point of her discussing certain things in the video wasn’t to make it all about race or white people being racist or to say black ppl should see all the conservative trad wives as racist, she simply said that white women as a collective are always ultimately going to align with and uphold white supremacy to some extent because it benefits them to do so, but she wasn’t saying that black people shouldn’t embrace certain things like some traditional or conservative values and embrace traditional gender roles and traditional femininity she actually said we should embrace those things but in a way that isn’t too extreme and in a way that actually benefits us as black women. And other races absolutely have a prejudice against black people simply because we’re black it’s not only due to our culture, and for u to say otherwise shows that you’re either foolish, naive, or ur intentionally lying to try to make other races of people look less prejudice.

[@NicoleXO1111]

The thing I think is sad is that soft life isn’t a trend amongst non-bws, it’s a minimum requirement. If a select WW goes out a date with WM and she asks him “so what is it that you do for a living” and he responds that he’s a Walmart greeter, she doesn’t berate him, she just never sees him again. I agree with this movement wholeheartedly, I just wish that BW, and really BP as a whole were better at subtlety. Ie: people don’t need to know your dating requirements. They don’t need to be discussed at all in fact, they just need to be put into practice. Passport bros, we don’t need to know you’re getting your passport nor that you prefer WW or AW, just pick up and go. Like no other demographic does this.

[@Soso-ou2mz]

Sigh.. embarrassing

[@13zomi]

I wonder if this is really the case or if it's more of an image thing. Other races are very careful when it comes to portraying their image. I'm sure there are plenty of white women who engage with dusties and marry them, but these women aren't promoted as the ideal in society and white people never talk about how it's an admirable thing to engage with dusties, even if a lot of them do. The same isn't true for the black community. Black women are constantly trying to prove that they're not gold diggers and that they're down to give a man a chance, and black men only praise black women who are willing to sacrifice themselves to build with them. We should be ashamed of this yet these sentiments are prevalent in our movies/shows and arguments on social media for all to see.

[@butterflygirl01]

@@גקדןרקdusty dusty dusty dusty SO WHAT mammy 😊😂

[@גקדןרק]

Calling a dude a "dusty" just cause he may not be rich is so gross...

[@Unknown-xq5km]

I would agree with your statement about subtlety if the dating standards in the black community weren’t so garbage. In order to change the conversation and culture, there has to be some conversation around it for it to catch on.

[@shanaleasha6550]

Ladies just be yourself and do whatever keeps you happy, healthy, and stress free!

[@natasharules6737]

I feel like there isa limit to this, I always thought that I was just being myself by dressing like a tomboy and not taking care of myself, I eventually decided to change and I feel like I'm better (partly due to the content Chrissie has been teaching since 2016)

[@angelabaylor5854]

Agree

[@4u2cre8]

Right? Sometimes people just over-complicate this stuff.

[@shanaleasha6550]

@@4u2cre8 yeah, some people create problems that don’t exist. It’s weird

[@Fatima-kp8hi]

@@natasharules6737Some people are not as weak minded as you are. The harsh truth is that very few ppl actually are brave enough to be themselves regardless of what other say. You changing yourself is just what the typical women does.

[@andiman44]

Another banger from Chrissie. I always appreciate you pointing out that white women are going to put themselves first and black women need to stop expecting so much from them. We can do our own thing and stop letting them set the standard.

[@Morenita570]

This is so true!! Let white, Asian and Latina females do what they’re going to do. Ignore them and stay focus.

[@yesterdayseyes]

Racist much

[@Bloombaby99]

@andijackson3311 I *NEVER* expected anything from them especially now that WMBW couples and relationships/marriages started "trending". Anytime they had a march or a crusade for "women's rights"/"women's suffrage", etc it *never* included us at all unless we were on the front lines taking the abuse and the hits and being used (sounds like another selfish group I know of 😏). The book "Ain't I A Woman, Too?" covers this.

[@Morenita570]

@ima There is nothing racist about putting ourselves first. But it’s very, very racist of you to be against black girlies self care.

[@Bloombaby99]

@@Morenita570 Exactly. You can tell she wasn't listening because she's doing *exactly* what Chrissie was telling people like her not to do. A lot of these nonblack women aren't real friends and allies of black women, they're just nosy copycats.

[@astridediva]

I’m for anything where black women can rest . We need a break too 😢❤

[@tamikowhite9541]

DATE OUT! MARRY UP! LIVE THE GOOD LIFE!🤵🏻‍♂️👰🏾‍♀️💍💖🏡

[@FeefailsGetDecapitated]

​@tamikowhite9541 those dudes are fake. Sorry not sorry

[@tessy28]

​@@tamikowhite9541 That's what I did.

[@manweller1]

@@tamikowhite9541like you did lol

[@nennacobrand6943]

I HATE when people act like men with money are abusive or controlling. Broke men are just as controlling or even MORE controlling . I will FOREVER be hypergamous and ONLY date men who are financially stable and who is a provider while I expand my business and make my own money. I love having my own money but what I won’t do is emasculate a man. I want my man to be a provider,protector and a man who puts me and my future kids first .

[@nennacobrand6943]

@ediblelipscrubs9466 I agree

[@503ashkatchem4]

Amen

[@elevatedsoulsyndicate9754]

I think most women want their own money but not a job or boss . I rather have my own business and/or family business and my husband; than running to a job. I don't care what social media says, I make my own life the way that I want it to be.

[@Callme_Paola]

That is why it is important to find a way to make money outside of traditional 9-5. I want to be able to have my own money but also have the flexibility to stay home with my kids.

[@sugarzblossom8168]

Exactly people are always going on about "oh you want to work in a job for a boss who doesn't care about you and see you as replacable rather than being a housewife?" Guess what I...DON'T...CARE...ABOUT...MY...BOSS...EITHER. I see my boss as replacable. if i get a better job with a higher pay i am out of there and i also don't care about my boss too so the feelings an mutual. I just want money and lots of it whether that's via a job or a small business.

[@bscott9141]

​@@Callme_PaolaThis right here is exactly what I want!

[@annkelly6349]

Not married yet but I feel similar. I’m working on independent contracting to work on MY schedule, and I’ve gotten a few good contracts so far. Add a provider husband and I’m A1 😂 💯

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

Amen 100%. I make my own money but I will be damned if I’m running to a job every day with people trying to tell me what to do. I’m the only boss of me. Everyone is not cut out for it 💯💯

[@daniellaelevates9692]

Thank you for discussing the anti blackness in the “trad-wife” space. No one can define soft life for me. I make my own decisions and I’ve been over these supposed “femininity” coaches for a while now. I’m just looking out for myself now. #MoneyUp ladies! 💖💖💖 #BlackWomenDeserveTheBest 👸🏾💖

[@AminahMight]

💯💯💯 yessss, to us making our own definitions/defining our own lives ❤

[@ieshjust16]

🎯

[@sabrinaa3478]

Yes

[@MushiMushiwc1uu]

Yall need to listen to them because most of you will never marry with your current behaviors.

[@NormieNeko]

I guess I've followed enough trads that are black or just nonwhite that I don't see this anti-blackness. I'm obviously an American Latina. I don't feel any antagonism.

[@katelyn371]

What is concerning is that some people fail to recognize that what works for one person may not work for another. This causes too much divides and bickering for no reason. I could never completely rely on my man, and I am a type A need my own money kind of woman. However, I support ladies that choose lifestyles where they completely rely on their husband. I dont clutch my pearls at SAHMs. I'm thinking "good for her for living her best life". We all need to learn to listen to each other and accept that we all move differently. If you dont like someone's message or lifestyle then don't apply it to your life and move on. I personally love hearing about different lifestyles because I read between the lines, apply what works for me and keep it pushing.

[@shanaleasha6550]

Thank you!!! Everyone just needs to take a path that best works for them. I don’t like all these labels and so called gurus trying to constantly sway women to do exactly as they did when everyone is clearly different. If you want to be a hard core business woman DO THAT, wanna be a spoiled gf, DO THAT, wanna be a stay at home wife, DO THAT. Its that simple. It’s all about your own happiness at the end of the day

[@sugarzblossom8168]

It baffle me how sonehow women are insulted for making life choices like any of these, like it should matter to anyone

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

Stay at home wives can and do make money. I’m not sure why that’s always the thought. The internet has been around since at least the 90s. Most women have time to start a home-based business

[@ambitiousbeauty1013]

Soft life for me is being single. Having a man is like having a job. I love coming home not having a man to cook for, cater to and be obligated to give sex to. I get plenty time to do things I enjoy doing and being able to rejuvenate when I get from work. I love being able to pour into myself.

[@kendra516178]

I agree I’m divorce and I am way more relaxed and focus when I am single. I also travel more and able to network single

[@truthserum1271]

Being with a man doesn’t have to equate to cooking for him. Cause I’m like dining out, take out or hiring a chef or a meal prep cook are options

[@ambitiousbeauty1013]

@@truthserum1271 well unfortunately a lot of women are doing that and much more. Women are complaining and calling themselves married single moms. They come home from work and all the household duties, kids, cooking and cleaning is all on them. I prefer to be single. I love living alone.

[@WeShareTheSameAffliction]

That doesn't sound like a soft life. It just sounds like you're single and scared to date again, lol.

[@ambitiousbeauty1013]

@@WeShareTheSameAffliction I never knew the qualifications for soft life include having a man. I take more vacations, enjoy life and work less than the wives I know. If I want to take a month off from work to rejuvenate I can. I don't work a regular 9 to 5 like a lot of people do. Once my contract is up and can do what I want until I decide to take another contract. I'm not telling my married/attached friends I wish I was married. Some of them tell me they wish they were single like me and could travel like me though. One of them told me if she divorced her husband she never wants marriage again and will stay single. I ain't telling my married friends I wish I wasn't single and want to be married or in a relationship like them. That surly doesn't sound like a soft life to me, the things my married/attached female friends be telling me LOL SMH!

[@tj5799]

“Humans are selfish, and SELF FIRST.” Now that is a mf word!

[@islandgirl8067]

Being a traditional SAHM isn't all it's cracked up to be for most women. It's a lot of work taking care of a home, husband and children. Most of us can't afford nannies, cooks, or housekeepers. I wouldn't recommend depending totally on a man for your livelihood. You should always have your own money. I don't have anything against movements that promote a better life for BW, but some of them go to extremes. I don't think you even need to join movements, just choose the lifestyle that you find most fulfilling. I don't blame other groups of women for putting themselves 1st, BW need to learn how to do this.

[@no-one00]

True but imagine working on TOP of it!

[@MedusssssaChristo]

Yes many mothers who stay home relying on their husbands are unhappy & exhausted. Having kids Isn’t soft.

[@jonettheonly]

My mom is a housewife and has told me my whole life not to depend on a man financially. She regrets not continuing to work while she was married and always felt that my dad was basically holding her hostage, because she had no education (hs dropout) and no skills so she relied on him financially and couldn't leave.

[@thebadkids2320]

I can’t imagine being a mom. Nope

[@thebadkids2320]

@@jonettheonlythat’s why u get degrees . Create a backup plan

[@c.j.m.mariaa]

I am a Christian white traditional woman and mother my husband past away and left us well off I know thats a blessing. I learned allot about being a traditional woman from my uncle who is married to a black woman for 46 years already. She is gracefull, well and soft spoken has a solid relationship with God been married to my uncle for over 46 years with 5 kids together she is always well dressed and very feminine and she is the most peacefull, loving and kind person I ever met. You dont have to struggle you dont have to have a hard life God loves us way to much to do that to ourselves..

[@etherealdreams7546]

I wholeheartedly agree God doesn’t want us to have a hard life and constantly struggle. Did your uncle’s wife work or was she a stay at home wife/mom ?

[@electrokitcity]

Very inspiring thanks ❤

[@ineedhoez]

Was he faithful?

[@c.j.m.mariaa]

​​@@etherealdreams7546my uncle wife stayed at home, she did spend allot of her time making clothing and she would give that to families that could not afford to by clothing regularly for free. She is a very hard working woman and a truly inspiring soul..

[@c.j.m.mariaa]

​@@ineedhoezhe was and still is a loving, loyal husband. They are also still madly in love its so beautiful to see them together.

[@TessieDobey]

I am so happy that I never latched onto the "Girl Boss" era. I am in the middle, I love being a Domestic Goddess.

[@sarahrobertson634]

Just don't go through hubby's phone...

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@NewShep Once males know they have a woman trapped financially, they cheat. Because they wanted to cheat all along. I heard a stat recently that stated that makes are less likely to cheat on a woman that owns her own home. Cuz they know she can leave them.

[@Liveyourlifetimenow]

@@sarahrobertson634 cardiac arrest on the spot 😂😂😂😂

[@Layla-fr7mf]

@@sarahrobertson634Seek therapy

[@blkgm7005]

This! Do you, live your best life❤

[@ButterflyBree]

Chrissie I agree with you. Block women definitely need to create our own soft life and femininity content, instead of begging for a seat at other folks' tables. I walked away from my healthcare job in 2022. It was unnecessarily stressful and toxic AF. Since 2015, I've been intentionally doing things that bring me joy. Things like solo traveling, hiking, nature and wildlife photography, wellness walks, spas, etc. I was diagnosed with a chronic condition, years ago. To maximize my health and wellness, I can't afford to be in toxic jobs, friendships, relationships, etc.. My goal of the soft life is to find ways to maximize my earnings with minimal stress. Also, as a Black woman solo hiker this is another way I create ease in my life and a great way to remain active. There are so many various ways we can create a softer, more feminine lifestyle. Femininity, like health, looks different on different women. 🧘🏾‍♀️🧘🏾‍♀️💜💜

[@etherealdreams7546]

This is so beautiful and I completely agree with everything u said. It’s so amazing that u put yourself first and prioritized your health and wellbeing. I’m trying to do the same thing and I love nature and have interest in traveling, hiking, and other things like that. Did u change careers, I ask because I’d love to know what career field you’re in now and if it allows u to have a flexible schedule while still producing a high income

[@aamia3769]

I started to miss chrissie and I literally binge watched her content last night.

[@samiebellamy2049]

Welcome in the family 😊

[@QuintessenceLuminescence]

May ALL women, especially BW, come across this, actively listen, suspend your mind chatter and "ideas of judgement", and take in this empowering information on reality. Thank you Chrissie!

[@xpnn]

I have never been a girl boss, and I’m childfree and plan on being childfree for the rest of my life. Add a wealthy provider husband who gives me a lifestyle of leisure, that’s the soft life for me

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@islandgirl8067 She's delusional. Her ideal won't happen.

[@MsFlamingFlamer]

@@sarahrobertson634how is that delusional? I’m a SAHW not a SAHM. It does hapeny

[@dustrepellent8986]

How long you been a SAHW? And does he not want children?

[@butterflygirl01]

@@sarahrobertson634it won’t happen for you . Stop projecting sir

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@butterflygirl01 I'm not a sir. The SAHM and SAHW fantasy is really silly, and very out of touch with reality.

[@chocolateprincess2656]

You can be a soft life girlie and a feminist, why is it so hard to understand

[@sugarzblossom8168]

Tell me about it. What makes you a feminist us believing that women have that choice

[@theghetto764]

You can’t compete with men and at the same time claim to be soft😂 the thought of a man competing with a woman would literally dry up 90% of women’s vagina

[@paballothabethe5899]

Honestly, feminism is a spectrum - just like everything else in life!

[@NormieNeko]

Because most American women don't have soft lives or experience their feminine on a regular basis. Stress and depression are abundant regardless of politics or ideology. A woman who finds a soft life is fortunate and an outlier. She's probably going to be privileged in one way or another. I find that very attractive women are not feminists because their lives are generally easy. They don't need to complain about anything unless they're bored. Soft girlie or even tradwife life are privileged. I actually have had both because of this. I'm not a feminist. It's not necessary in my present or past. Maybe I'll need it some day, but who knows.

[@negracaribena]

Another gem!!! This video really broke down what’s going on lately! Chrissie, because of you I’m now a wife who works part-time (my own business) and I can take breaks when I want! You’ve helped me level up 💯.

[@negracaribena]

We've missed you!

[@justcallmebon2684]

Can we talk about women who are trying to live the soft life and BW in luxury life when they don’t have the means to? My little sister is trying to be a BW in luxury on my dime. Like m’aam! I’m not your sugar sister. You’re a college student with no job. Relax on the luxury purses & travel requests!

[@justcallmebon2684]

The normalizing of luxury items like getting a couple birkins in your early 20s is ruining the perception of reality.

[@Aronoel31]

Why are you paying for your sister's life anyway?.. She wants it, she should work for it.

[@butterflygirl01]

I didn’t know to live a soft life you needed to only shop for expensive and materialistic items… black women and black girls very much can live a soft life whether they can afford luxury items or not and they should not be denied it because of money. If u don’t want to buy her expensive stuff then don’t, tell her ways to live a soft life without spending lots of money instead of telling her she can’t live a soft life until she has the means to.

[@LBthe888]

I agree with you wholeheartedly, but “sugar sister” has me yelping. So funny LMAOOO

[@Bloombaby99]

I *NEVER* expected anything from them (WW and Nonblack women) especially now that WMBW couples and relationships/marriages started "trending". Anytime they had a march or a crusade for "women's rights"/"women's suffrage", etc it *never* included us at all unless we were on the front lines taking the abuse and the hits and being used (sounds like another selfish group I know of 😏 cough cough "BLM" or shall we say "Black Men's Lives Matter"?). The book "Ain't I A Woman?" covers this.

[@TruthofAce]

🙏🏾💯🙌🏾

[@noblemishnowrinkle524]

And yet, the BC screams that feminism TTBMOTH. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Who’s the author of the book?

[@Bloombaby99]

@@noblemishnowrinkle524 Sojourner Truth.

[@T29q]

This is one of the most balanced videos I’ve heard on this topic. Thank you!

[@DarkandlovelyLovely]

I’ve also learned so much from the women in this comment section over the years.

[@RecursiveENTP]

Me too, stick and move because it all reads like non sense 🤣

[@Blaquebarbgamer]

@@RecursiveENTPTotally went over your head babes.

[@etherealdreams7546]

⁠​⁠@@RecursiveENTP your comment reads like nonsense

[@RecursiveENTP]

@@etherealdreams7546 well then I'm in the right place

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@RecursiveENTP no you’re not, a red pill channel is likely the right place for your nonsense, or really just anywhere else but this channel

[@CMarie.]

Great video. I'm a housewife without children. I don't necessarily identify with the soft life girlies even though some would consider my life "soft" because I don't work or have kids.I love seeing their content and they inspire me to indulge in more self care. I'm more of a plain jane in comparison (they seem so fabulous lol) even though I still try to take care of/work on my appearance in my own right. I'm more on the homemaker side of Instagram/Tiktok and most of us are conservative, many are super religious(I'm not),most are white. I have made friends with a handful of black SAHM/housewives and our community is growing slowly...but its growing. I'm a 3rd generation homemaker so its nice to see more of us taking up space in that online community but also creating our own. ❤

[@sarahrobertson634]

Lazy, lazy women. You will be replaced with a younger model eventually.

[@CMarie.]

@sarahrobertson634 I'm 11 years younger than my husband. He's obsessed with me. 😂

[@slowonNurburgring]

@@sarahrobertson634get half😂

[@nenyeo6090]

@@sarahrobertson634 girl. You tried it.

[@butterflygirl01]

@@sarahrobertson634blaming women for what men choose and allow is stupid. If her man is okay with it why are you mad on his behalf ? Weirdo

[@kindredkey]

I'm all about black women having the CHOICE...life, partner, children, etc... I just want us to have choices... At the end of the day it's about balance and harmony what ever that means for each black woman.

[@MrMeToo-fh7pe]

You comment/thought process is a prime example of chaos.

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@MrMeToo-fh7pe your comment/thought process is a prime example of pathetic trolling.

[@MrMeToo-fh7pe]

@etherealdreams7546 call it what you want to, but you can't honestly say I lied. Well if you understand the English language that is.

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@MrMeToo-fh7pe lol I’m not sure u fully understand or comprehend the English language, go troll somewhere else on another channel

[@faith1614]

@@MrMeToo-fh7peYou lied. Chaos is caused by men trying to police womans choices or want to be in their feminine instead of being men. Like you, here on a feminine channel. Instead of doing anything else 🤣

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

I love my Stay-at-home Wife life…. People who are tired of working or are BROKE stay hating but my husband and I don’t gaf, and we keep growing stronger both individually and together

[@ponyhaly6131]

Same!!! I love my stay at home wife life too! Sometimes when I tell people, they try to tell me that’s not secure…like what if what if. My husband is happy that I can be relaxed and do whatever I want to pursue. He’s never made me do anything but I’m not a slob, and I want to take care of our house and his tummy. I’m currently in school and wanting to work part time where I can work from home!

[@TishaMarieMarie]

Ok so are you not an insurance agent? You’re saying you don’t work but your screen name says otherwise?

[@princessdyn]

No idea what soft life is. Does taking a bath while drinking a cocktail need to have a trend name? Lol JUST LIVE! Adhering to a trendy "aesthetic" too closely might prevent some BW from benefiting from a FULL LIFE, taking things from different movements. However, I understand that many BW have to start somewhere bc they didn't grow up being taught to care for themselves first.

[@ChrissiesWay]

I agree but I also have mixed feelings about what you said. There’s a lot of trends we follow online and tons of movements we create as black people that don’t nearly get as much scrutiny as soft life, luxury etc. So just as we allow those to exist, the same should go for the femininity trends. They balance out our current representation and give us more option and variety. I don’t think the answer is removing the trends altogether because humans will always create trends. The real solution is to stop gravitating toward extremes. We can “just live” and enjoy feminine promotion for black women at the same time. We don’t have to choose one or the other, it’s possible to do both🤷🏾‍♀️

[@princessdyn]

And this is why you make the videos and I just live in the comment section 😊 You articulated it better than I could. Maybe my "just live" stance comes from the fact that I never had IG, Tik Tok, Snap, Twitter etc so I only learn about those trends from YT videos and sometimes it feels like there's a new trend or aesthetic every week! I wonder how anyone can keep up, especially because it seems like there's always a conflict at some point (remember the black girl luxury vs black feminist debate!) Conflicts force people to pick a side so many of us would become more entrenched / extreme in our adherence to the movement thus might lose the perspective that those trends are just a template (in my opinion) for us to incorporate something new in our life. They also provide a sense of community which in turn gives permission to those who are new to it to start. So they are absolutely valid and I wish more of us would see the bigger (femininity) picture behind all of them and ... just live 😊

[@butterflygirl01]

Are you uncomfortable seeing black women in a bath drinking a cocktail?

[@Enriquez2222]

I’m not a girl boss by any means but I don’t trust others (men) to look after me. Too many horror stories exist for me to trust my entire life into the hands of someone…

[@NiobeNeo]

Well it is a smart thing to do... rely on yourself and retirement plans you have built for yourself. A man can change at any moment in life. I will never rely on a man.

[@larissalaflore7202]

Judge Judy said don't depend on someone else.

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

Being a stay at home wife doesn’t equate to that. I would let the man pay all the bills and stack my money. Most men make 2-3x what women make, contrary to popular belief. I have a degree and several licenses and certifications. Don’t be so narrow-minded to think you just have to sit at home a twiddle your thumbs all day. I don’t “trust my entire life” to my husband , but I definitely followed a friend’s lead and actually sat back for a while to figure out what I actually WANTED to do, and now I make more money than I ever did at 9-5, and I also have my time freed up to have the social life and personal freedom that I desire. The biggest change is all the anxiety and stress I used to experience is 100% gone!

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@larissalaflore7202 lol Judge Judy has said a lot of things I don’t think u have to 100% take whatever she says to heart. And Chrissie said in the video that women don’t have to 100% rely on the man but at the same time u can be in a relationship where the man makes a lot of money and pays all or most of the bills while still having ur own money on the side.

[@etherealdreams7546]

I get where y’all are coming from but I think many black women’s reference point is black men and as we all know most black men are very unreliable and fickle. I also think black women are influenced by things like feminism, liberalism, & the non traditionalism that’s heavy within the culture of the black community and we’re influenced by how it’s considered outdated for a woman to rely on a man for money and while I definitely understand that men can be fickle and men can be unreliable or controlling, I also know that there’s many women who vetted the men they’re with and made sure the men were not only high earning but were good hearted and responsible men, so while yes there’s many many men who are trash there’s also men who’re high earning, reliable, trustworthy, and won’t abuse their women/wives. Black women just gotta learn how to vet men, and while no man is perfect it’s possible to find an overall good man and this includes dating men of all races and not exclusively dating black men

[@reseisjuicyy]

I never clicked on something so fast 💖 missed you Chrissie!!

[@ninawestlake5005]

Most people are natural fools. A person's character has nothing to do with their financial succes or lack there of. Ugh.

[@nyaholorunda7167]

LOL

[@ineedhoez]

Well that's not true... being unemployed and financially unstable is a reflection of your character

[@MsStrange1526]

I think most of us women want a soft life. I just think that quiting your ability to make your own money and putting that responsibility on males with their track record of control, abuse and oppression is risky behaviour. There's a reason why our foremohters fought to have the right to work and make their own paper, it definately wasn't because life was soft. As it turns out, a male can fully take care of you financially and still make your life hard. I personally would not sleep a wink if the roof over my head depended on the continued affection of a male.

[@CJ-ql9py]

This!!!!

[@Ilovebeauty513]

We’ll go work till you’re 70 and leave us alone

[@thebadkids2320]

@@Ilovebeauty513leave who alone?

[@Ilovebeauty513]

@@thebadkids2320 US … like ?

[@MsStrange1526]

@@Ilovebeauty513 You disagree that's fine, but there's really no need for this behaviour at your big age.

[@Overitall23]

I was in a traditional marriage and I don’t recommend it IF your “picker” is off. The man you pick to be submissive to must be above reproach. Being a “Traditional wife” in reality is very hard work. ALL household and child rearing duties are on me. It sucked.

[@lester2588]

Would you mind expanding on this further?

[@Overitall23]

@@lester2588 What specifically are you wanting more information on?

[@lester2588]

@@Overitall23 “The man you pick to be submissive to must be above reproach”

[@Overitall23]

@ediblelipscrubs9466 Yes, people need “Stay woke”. Ladies, don’t depend on man 100%. He will use that to take advantage of you. Have the ability to peace out with your children in a way that won’t leave you destitute. Many partners aren’t above starving you of resources if you “displease” them.

[@Overitall23]

@@lester2588 He needs to be a good man. He treats you well, loves you, has great communication skills, respects boundaries, etc. “above reproach” does usually mean “perfect”. I know perfection isn’t realistic but I think you can understand what I mean.

[@no-one00]

Ugh I wish my mother was hypergamous in her 20s and 30s because now I’m suffering the consequences, I’ve had to use my labour in our household and for their emotions Throughout my whole childhood and now in the beginning of my youth I’m hypergamous and having to work hard in my schooling (while having to heal my childhood abuse) all because she decided to not leave. She abused my siblings and I! When I have kids for them too! I will be hypergamous I need to make myself happy and then they will be happy! Thank you for your videos Chrissie! I’m definitely going to buy access to watch your femininity videos on your website❤

[@canesugar911]

How can you be on your femininity journey and hate your mother for abuse she encountered in the hands of your father? I'm guessing that the perpetrators bears no blame? Lol you are definitely your father's daughter.

[@keke06145]

I just want to say that I absolutely love Chrissie and her messages for black women. ❤

[@DarkandlovelyLovely]

Also I be wanting to give my black women so much good advice on knowledge that I’ve learned over the years, but I already know I may get cursed out or called a hater 😂 So I just keep my mouth closed.

[@hc7092]

Please drop your tips girl 🙏🏾

[@islandgirl8067]

I love your screen name! ❤

[@pinklady2994]

Same! I have some friends that I love dearly but they will never get it. I suggest and then move on.

[@lester2588]

I’d listen 🙋🏽‍♀️ Please share!

[@deamorebeaute2412]

​Do they come to you for solace or do you give unsolicited advice to people who did not request it?

[@fearfullywonderfullymade691]

Well as a Christian I do not follow any of the trends. I do believe in traditonal roles personally as I feel like that will fufill me most and allow me to serve God and my family better. Im not subservient or lesser in value to my husband or men in general. A Godly woman should submit (respect, be supportive of, and pray for) a husband that loves her like Jesus loved the church , meaning a man who loves her so much that he is willing to die for her. A Godly man who truly serves God, is a provider, protector and a leader... you have the freedom to work or not, have a business or not... I dont see anything wrong or harmful in God's design. But Im speaking purly on true Christian traditional relationships not "name only" christians who dont actually live thier lives for God.

[@CarmenSD]

I wish BW would start a “just be yourself” trend and a “learn to love yourself” trend. That would help our community greatly. I see so many of us doing things and adopting ideas JUST because it’s the new trend. And they look and sound stupid. They don’t understand the concepts, history, or background. They just see their favorite pretty influencers doing something and hop on the train. Their whole lives are about what’s on Tiktok. Everything from their career choices to the people they call “friends” is connected to a trend. They end up not liking their career choice, the place they traveled to, the city they moved to, and went into debt following influencers and trends instead of first learning about yourself and what you love to do. They don’t get the same or even similar results because we are not a monolith! I’m so tired of seeing and hearing about some Black folks embarrassing themselves or wasting money trying to do what someone else posted on social media ie ski/snowboard, ocean activities and can’t swim and scared of water, and going out with people they don’t have close relationships with just because it looks good on social media. Getting to know yourself and love yourself first would eliminate so many other problems in your life.

[@rebeccalink2394]

So I’m a SAHM who also worked a 6 figures job … both things are a lot of effort which people seem to forget. I’m glad I had a good amount of money saved I’m also glad I can stay home and raise my child so hands on both are very true things. Thanks for this well thought out piece.

[@etherealdreams7546]

Are u married or in a relationship and with a man who provides for u and your children or do u live off of the money you saved up from when u worked ur six figure job?

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@xxhpshrebyba I’m some years older than u and my advice is to not even have children or get married if u don’t or can’t at least 90% trust that the man you’re with will not abandon you and his kids. I understand what you’re saying and I know exactly where you’re coming from, I’m only saying that being a SAHM is no joke it is a full time job and it doesn’t leave you with much time to do anything else like work from home even if it’s part time; all of your time will be spent caring for the children and it’s very exhausting. I know many of us come from broken homes and homes where we saw our mothers go through awful things and didn’t see a good healthy traditional model of how things are supposed to be and how men as husbands & fathers are supposed to be. But it’s definitely possible to properly vet/choose men and possible to know what red flags & signs to look out for to know the type of man you’re with. Truly good men don’t just up and change and abandon their responsibilities. A truly good man who has integrity and loves his wife and children and puts them before himself would never selfishly abandon them so when it comes to marriage and choosing to have a man’s children you have to make sure you choose a man that’s worthy of you marrying him and having children with him and you have to make sure you require a man to prove and show you he’s worthy of you from the time y’all start dating way before marriage. By the time you get married the man should’ve already consistently provided you with so much money, resources, love, & support. And marriage is also about financial security not just during the marriage but financial security u can receive after marriage if u divorce or become a widow, for women money is one of the advantages of even getting married and this is why hypergamy is so important. Because if you marry a man who makes like 6 figures or at least makes enough to where u don’t have to work if u don’t want to and he can provide a comfortable lifestyle for you and any children you have by him, in the event of a divorce you should be able to get a good amount of alimony/spousal support & child support to help take care of yourself and your children. & in most cases unless u get with a man who’s an immigrant, the man can’t just up and run off to another country to escape his responsibilities. It’s important to look into all of this before getting married to see what are the laws in the state u live in concerning divorce and how women are affected by divorces in the state and what financial responsibility is required of men after a divorce in the state u live in. You make sure before u marry the man that your name is on stuff and everything isn’t only in his name and make sure that he can’t just take your name off of stuff if y’all divorce. And u also look into how much can u can get in a divorce settlement based on your state because if a man just abandons his family and goes to be with some other woman, courts will hold him accountable for that & take into account that the woman was a SAHM & didn’t work. & many cases the woman gets the house and alimony & child support after a divorce. This is why many irresponsible good for nothing men hate marriage because they know it many times holds them legally responsible to take care of their family and they can’t hair up and selfishly abandon their family without consequences. In addition to making sure the man u marry has money u must also make sure that he’s a loving man who’s not abusive or controlling and make sure he just wants to take care of you and the children, a man that will put his wife and children before himself. And u can vet and tell if a man will put u first before himself when you’re dating him. How he treats u when you’re dating is a preview of what will come if u marry him. If a man is very caring, generous with his money, providing for u, and honest, honorable, and respectful consistently while you’re dating then that’s likely a man who will continue to be that way as a husband. I say all of this because being a single mother is no joke so I wouldn’t even choose to have kids if I felt like it was a possibility I’d be abandoned as a single mother by my husband or be forced into being a married single mother because my husband does nothing to hold up his end while we’re married. & working even part time in addition to being a SAHM is no life to live. Having a part time job isn’t going to do much for you and your children if a husband leaves u. It makes sense to either forgo having children and even getting married altogether, or choose to have your own source of income that makes a lot of money so that in the event of a divorce u have what u need to support yourself and your kids. Women are rightfully distrustful of men and don’t wanna completely rely on them for money and I totally understand why but I think many of us don’t really know exactly what to do so we choose to work a job in addition to being mothers & being SAHM and that’s no life to live because the work load of tending to children which is already an exhausting full time 24/7 job AND also working an extra job for income is not the best option and it makes more sense to just not even have children or get married if you’re going to do all of that. So if you really don’t feel like you can trust a man to not abandon u and his kids don’t even marry him and definitely don’t have his children; and yes I know anything is possible and I know how fickle men can be but not every man will abandon his responsibilities and if u can’t trust that the man you’re with won’t abandon u then why even marry or have children with him.

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@xxhpshrebyba sorry for the book lol I didn’t know my comment was so long

[@pinklady2994]

Yesss 🥳 we missed you!!! This was another great take. Thank you for reminding us (Black women across the diaspora) that we really are the tastemakers and trendsetters behind a lot of positive trends as well. Level up/soft life/ etc and that not everything is one size fits all. We can and should tweak things if we want to, and while we may not agree on everything I love seeing bw especially ds bw centering themselves and wanting a good life just like everyone else.

[@ninawestlake5005]

Well, i have done both. I've worked and been the kept housewife and kept girlfriend. I prefer not to work for a boss. I love being a kept girl/wife and make money in playful soft ways. I am a strong believer of the power of the mind. If you believe being a kept wife will get you abused or is dangerous because if the lack of your own money, then that is exactly what you'll get. Imo, people should just live more privately. Socisl media is very tiring and very overrated now because of the flood of toxicity on there.

[@sarahrobertson634]

You will be replaced by a younger woman soon enough.

[@no-one00]

@@sarahrobertson634 good! She’ll move on to an older man (who adores and also fully provides for her)

[@annkelly6349]

Agree! Move in silence!

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

​@@sarahrobertson634The same way you can be replaced by a younger employee.

[@sarahrobertson634]

@@no-one00 Then she'll cheat on him, cuz grandpa is nasty.

[@highfrequencyseeker7]

Love that chrissie (soft life with a healthy hustle!!!)

[@no-one00]

This movement was started and popularised by Chrissie let’s be real. Then other people copied and didn’t give credit, Nigerian women started the soft life movement and then it was rightfully taken and used by dark skinned black American women, now non black women use it smh. It’s supposed to be for BW ONLY! This is why the movement was popularised in the first place! For black women to reclaim their feminine right! Since it has been stripped down from us!

[@no-one00]

Drama and arguments start because people refuse to see black Women as feminine and are entitled that they believe we don’t even deserve it! Now everybody else uses it. This is like a revolution in itself. Abeg more black women to keep living femininely and softly! Be hypergamous, a goldigger, a traditional wife! Be feminine! Be soft! Be ruthless and shallow and materialistic- we freaking deserve it. People at my school would get so angry and aggressive because I wanted to date famous and rich guys (as a teenager!!) now I know that it was because I was a dark skinned teenage girl! Everyone else could by I couldn’t? Even at university people act so weird when they see me with my boyfriends

[@Iloona974]

@@no-one00it already existed but Chrissie partially revived it

[@thebadkids2320]

Could’ve sworn soft life and soft girl anything was popularized by black women & Chrissie subscribers back in 2020ish😅 I remember when there was lots of pushback at first, now everybody is talking about “soft life”😂😊

[@no-one00]

@@thebadkids2320 you’re right but way before ! Around 2016/2017/2018/2019 after that people just went crazy with it and it was popularised

[@girlbrittneygirl]

Girl you are feminine period! Being feminine is of the mind, not this soft life bullshit! Femininity doesn’t rest! All the movements are only to appease the male!

[@exoticallovergirl]

I created a soft life for myself, independent of a man, and I don't have children. I am sure people resent me for it. Waking up at noon. Money coming easily. Working out or going out of town whenever I want. Softttt.

[@Las645]

Why would people resent you? 😂 they probably don't pay you any attention at all. A lot of you guys think you're way more relevant than you are and that's textbook narcissism

[@cassandramines8300]

There are so many work at home jobs to the point many mothers who want to stay at home are capable of doing so to be more available to their children. Honestly working from home can be less expensive because you save on gas, wear on your vehicle, time spent in traffic, eating out daily, health care due to office sicknesses (Flu season), and other issue to do with commuting. We should embrace all the different lifestyles women can create. Embrace the variety because it allows so many people to be true to themselves.

[@KilonovaBurst]

My younger cousin brought up to me during Thanksgiving that she wanted to live like me and she called it soft life. I had to go look at what soft life was. I dont consider myself soft life. But im not traditional conservative femininity or girl boss, sista soilder either. Im just....financially comfortable with a healthy work life balance. I just have a great job that provides me with a great salary and amazing benefits. Im wondering if I need to explain to her how I was able to have what I have in life at such a young age. Im not sure which influencers she follows in these trends and I don't want her under the misconception that I didnt have to work to be able to afford the fancy vacations she sees me on or her thinking I'm being bank rolled and putting out for a older "high value" man.

[@nyaholorunda7167]

Please explain to her. I would rather it was you than anyone else. Before you do, pray for wisdom and eloquence for yourself and for her, the gift to comprehend. Good luck, I am rooting for you xx

[@Blaquebarbgamer]

Im very proud of you. ❤

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

SAHM is not luxury or soft life unless you have nannies, chef and cleaners. It's work.

[@Las645]

How is it not luxury? Yeah maybe for people who don't like it. But a lot of people enjoy cooking, cleaning, and parenting. They don't view it as a chore. Luxury if having the ability to live a life you love and enjoy. That's luxury.

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

@@Las645 it's a Luxury for the man she is married to.

[@thefm9465]

Thanks Chrissie for uploading your feminity series on Chrissieonline as requested, purchased and can’t wait to enjoy 😅❤

[@ChrissiesWay]

No problem. Thanks for your support🌹

[@EM-fz3hf]

I consider myself a feminine woman but also am working on building my own businesses. Not because I consider myself "alpha" or a girl boss however, but more so because I want to build generational wealth while doing something I'm passionate about & have something to call my own. The only way I would feel comfortable relying on a man, is if I was married & needed to take time off for a couple years to raise my kids when they were young, & even then, I would still be working on my businesses from home completely virtual. That's the kind of relationship I want. I want to be with a man who can provide, but then I would want to get back to work after a certain point. There's different seasons to life. When it comes to "high value men", I'm personally not attracted to any man who's an egomaniac, goes around calling themselves an alpha male or high value. It's just a huge red flag that he's narcissistic & a huge turn off for me in general. All those types of guys have the same playbook & act the same. Most of those guys, all their friends are all red pill types & I'm just not attracted to that energy. They love to devalue women & it's gross. I value men that are focused on their success but also have values, integrity & a high moral compass. Narcissistic ego maniac men have never turned me on. I love men with a warm heart & a soft spot who want to provide & protect because they want to. Thankfully I know what to look out for & avoid when I start dating.

[@investirenafriquedepuisloccide]

No all women could be boss ladies period. It ask capacities just saying. Ladies get your own money. Being a boss don't make you less a woman and a man will still be HAPPY and PROUD to invest in you, my husband does. Design your dream life the way you want it. I'm a boss young lady and I've house cleaner... My husband and me travel a lot and enjoy our extended family. We will soon be parents and I have 0 stress. Even though I have big responsabilities, I still have the time to enjoy my life and I'm very proud of my accomplishments. Choose what works for you ladies.

[@mafflowers4191]

Totally agree with you Christie! I’m living a soft life as a SAHM dark skinned BW married to a traditional BM , work part time while home schooling my child. Highly educated with two degrees and still chose this life, my family thought I was crazy but I love it! You have to be be disciplined with boundaries because sometimes many ppl feel you’re‘LAZY’ . As you’re well aware being a wife and mom is a 24/7 job without a salary which many women underestimate. I wish most BW will look into it, less stress= better health, body & longevity, etc. At the end of the day you choose what works for you, not following any trend. Btw I’m also a minimalist and that makes my soft life even better. Love your content❤️❤️❤️

[@Damnsaburna]

I knew sahm. She was yt and Aussie. Retiree age. She works at the dept stores luxury dept. She spends the day picking clothes out and making outfits. As free finding out she was rich I asked why does she work and she said so her family would stop judging her shopping addiction. 😂

[@Damnsaburna]

She retired from sahm so she can shop all day without judgment 😂. Her husband still paid for everything too. She said they use the money from her job to buy lunch on vacation 😅

[@PrettyPrincess9609]

I’m 27 and I’m tired of being a “ girl boss “. I have overworked myself for years and I’m tired of working in Corporate America. I am also tired of working 8 plus hours everyday and having to cook and do chores after I work. I’m burnt out. I definitely would love a soft girl life style and my goal is to be a stay at home wife. I also think I want to make commentary videos. I don’t mind working. I just don’t want to work a 9 to 5.

[@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgent]

That was me at 27 and my worst mistake was not dating specifically for marriage at that time. I was with guys who were nice but definitely not willing or able to give me what I wanted in a relationship. I definitely wasted too much time not being intentional. Thank goodness I still was able to marry a provider at 37, and now at 40 I’m thriving with 2 home-based businesses and enjoying my life getting spoiled by my husband ❤️

[@ajh.4131]

@@YourFavoriteRealEstateAgentlove it! Married at 37. You give me hope. I’m 34 🥲

[@ChiTheAesthete]

This was a solid nuanced video Chrissie

[@e113jelly6]

If u are a housewife that depends on a man make sure u have a trade or a career just in case it doesn’t work out. A lot of white women who are house wives are educated some more educated than their partners they most likely met their husbands at college and have a plan b

[@canecorsomom2023]

I'm white and really appreciate the content coming from black women regarding being feminine than I do the white trad wives. The conversations are, in my opinion much deeper and more honest. They make more space for women with different life circumstances and situations. There is a lot less judgment around women who are in their first relationship that started in high school. Don't get me wrong they can make some great sourdough bread and bake a mean batch of cookies, but if I want to hear a deeper discussion on something like breaking generational curses or learning to be more vulnerable and softer, I'm likely going to listen to more black women. I think the fact that you don't have to uphold the image of traditional white values allows for better and more meaningful conversations around what may be a newer version of a woman with hints of traditions of the past. I personally want to embrace being a wife and mother and fully commit to that role, but I don't want to be told that having basic expectations of my husband is wrong just because he pays the bills. IMO black women excel there.

[@Simplelivingslowliving]

Interesting point .

[@saraandkoda]

seeking softer life is alright but doing that without having financial independence is delusional. depending on an allowance from your husband is stupid, not having a prenup and postnup too.

[@MedusssssaChristo]

Every woman Is different, some women don’t want to rely on her husband or boyfriend for an allowance. A man can leave anytime, so It’s always good to have plans. Now I do think however a woman being a mother & having a career because let’s be straight to the point, mothers are usually the default parent, so juggling a career while being a mother Is exhausting. You don’t have to rely solely on a man to be feminine. & Having a career Isn’t a masculine trait.

[@ethxo6734]

Finally a balanced conversation. I don’t think women or anyone in human history has experienced a soft life. Raising children is not living a soft life. Being a traditional housewife also went hand in hand with domestic abuse. The 1950s era which is so romanticized was filled with violence towards women, again not a soft life. And as we continue to wind back the clock, before prepacked , processed foods women hand to make all the meals from scratch, slaughtering/ preparing the meat, gardening/ farming, etc. women have worked throughout all human history, how would humanity have progressed otherwise? The idea of a soft life is nothing but a dream.

[@christmastree1682]

Chrissie, the feminist think pieces about women with provider men are absolutely low-key jealousy. A lot of the same feminists that were saying leveling up and partnering with men was impossible, have since leveled up and partnered with men. As soon as the majority of the women in these spaces are able to land provider men, they will become much less critical of hypergamy. They’ll never retract their statements, they’ll just start critiquing other things and get quieter about hypergamy. The issue is these strategies and this movement hasn’t been around long enough in the black community to change the status of the majority of black women/ black feminists, but as soon as it does and the majority of black women are dating differently and landing providers, they will stop critiquing it just like they did with leveling up and finding good men. It’s mostly jealousy imo

[@chipchipcheerio]

I love your channel Chrissy. Your words are confirmation that I’m not going crazy. Sometimes it feels like I can never find like minded women to discuss these things … I need to move out of Atlanta

[@annkelly6349]

Hands down one of the best videos you’ve done. Brava Chrissie 💕

[@EstherMburu-k3r]

The housewives who I grew up with and the women who depended fully on a man when I was a child tell me to work hard and study hard. I am in Kenya .Many women who didnt prioritise money,career and education are struggling now in their fifties and sisxties with young adult children who are trying to make it in life .

[@yolandamarka1719]

HI Chrissie 🖐🏽

[@chideraosuji6353]

You always speak sense Chrissie!

[@amak7663]

Why two extremes. Girl Boss or Trad wife? There has to be an in-between

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

Exactly. There is an in between. There's the homemaker who sells her handmade goods and/or runs a boutique shop from the comfort of her home. There's the workforce woman who doesn't run herself around to the point of exhaustion just to brag to the "girlboss" mafia about how she's so much better than the women who don't. These labels are so silly, and pressure women to cram themselves into monolithic boxes and it's so basic. The "tradwife" trend needs to die because it's making everyone lump all homemakers into being a monolith when we're all unique and do things completely differently. We do earn incomes. We do have higher education. We are not all doormats. We do not all have children. We're not all into vintage. We're not all lazy. The "girlboss" trend needs to die because a woman doesn't have to fit into any aesthetic mold to be a great businesswoman, nor does she have to be an arrogant masculine caricature to be worthy of being in that position as a great business woman. I don't understand the need for all the little cutesy labels or why people choose to adhere to them at all for things that already have names and have always existed. Women have always been homemakers and have always sold their goods in one way or another; these are not new concepts in humanity. We need to start embracing the in-between so we don't drive ourselves crazy trying to fit in!

[@Fatima-kp8hi]

@@doll.ov.poetrii4682What’s wrong with having ambitious. Marie Curie is who she was because she followed the norm. Hell when you think of the women who are actually remembered throughout history - were the ambitious ones. Yall love to talk down on us so bad.

[@ineedhoez]

I missed them both. My trust account aint set up for me to rely on a man to take care of me. I'm really moody and I don't like to be bothered. So I'm liable to get put out for not putting out😂😂😂. I would never accept an abusive man but even the thought of it creates the sense of obligation. I feel almost as if I can't be my authentic self. No, I don't get to be my authentic self at work, but work is the outside world and home is the place that I go to feel safe. I don't like the idea of not feeling safe at home I don't really have to deal with people for my job so they don't test my patience. I probably work about 15 hours a week make 150k. I'm 80% remote. Work is less work. I also dislike cleaning. I don't even clean my place now. I can't imagine cleaning up after another adult human. I guess I need to get me a hella rich dude that can pay for a nanny, chef, and maid.

[@chibaby800]

@@ineedhoezthis exactly! Damn what do you do ?

[@joyandbeauty2024]

@@ineedhoez lol well u don’t have to be rich to afford a Chef and a maid. Depending on where u stay and the cost of living if u get a man who makes either what u already do or makes 250k-350k u would be able to afford a maid/chef. & the right man wouldn’t be demanding, when a man’s in love with u he’ll be happy with u just being yourself. Ur current lifestyle sounds nice. If u don’t mind me asking what career field are u in?

[@SanaaJadeCruz]

The way I clicked so fast 😂

[@NiobeNeo]

Most men donot even make enough money to have a housewife so this must be a joke.

[@nicolec8884]

I read a comment from a guy on here saying he rather have a housewife than a career. 😂

[@Las645]

@@nicolec8884bruh 😂 are people thinking with their brains?

[@nicolec8884]

@@Las645 I guess not lol

[@Product_snob]

Awesome information March on sister we need you❤

[@Dantee.15]

As a man all I can say is, think of it in terms like this. How do yall stack up to other races of women? If you’re making the most and decide to slack off, don’t be surprised when the competition closes the gap between you and them. If you’re making the least and want a soft life then you just don’t want to compete at all.

[@nomz401]

Chrissie I speak for many women when I say that you are one of the leading voices for black women online for the femininity movement. And we are forever grateful for your boldness and commitment to the community. I have been uplifted by your content as a young woman from South Africa 🇿🇦 listening to you for the last 5 years ❤. May you be blessed ❤

[@kenjerkenjer9576]

Chrisie am so proud of you, you have come a long way from the feminism mentality, struggle mentality I remember you having an issue with us African women moving to the US and marrying financially stable white men but like you said the luxurious life for black women was first championed in Africa our conservative values and culture here has no room for Babby mama culture or struggle because unlike the US African systems our systems here aren't functional so women have to make sure that they don't only have stable jobs but also have to entertain only stable men because the system here won't give you any child support or shelter or foster anything we mentally have to choose better partners regardless of the race but we notice black Americans women have been taught to self destruct and yet your voices hold so much power and influence but they be the ones pushing for struggle and calling every African woman who is into diversity and hypergamy a gold digger yet we need to come together ,we make better alies than aligning yourselves with white feminists

[@bitokay147]

I keep saying that Ferminist Girl Boss agenda hit the black. community the most and really hurt us relationships and all.

[@ummzahra9196]

Your advice works💕 It has helped claim me back I don’t have a job yet but I now get created better on the job and people don’t handle me harshly anymore. Al’hamdu’lillah I love it here. Just a tip : stay away from people who don’t add to your narrative everything around you has to benefit you. Love ya

[@bu_kimi]

I rarely comment but this is a great video. I think middle ground thinking is most beneficial for all us women. I Needed to unplug from the manosphere and femininity coaches. Most content in these areas are money hungry grabs for attention and controversy.

[@gtg488w]

YES , please tell them. I wish more BW could watch some of this content. Getting all mad at any group bc they are about their race and self preservation. BW love to judge or hate Becky but we can learn a lot from them

[@greenbyrdd8308]

There has to be a happy medium between the Stepford Wives and The Girl Boss.Figure out what works for you and ignore the social media noise.

[@nusaibahibraheem8183]

14:19 She was probably right, those makeup trends aren't elegant at all. 😂😂😂

[@txLALA]

Soft life is the only trend that has resonated with me. I prefer to work smarter, not harder. I like working from home and living carefree. I’m not interested in being a boss or a baller or any of the so-called luxury content. I’ve been blocking and avoiding most content because it’s toxic so not compatible with my interpretation of a soft life.

[@Bri-nc8yp]

Nothing says soft life like walking in your neighborhood while you hold a go- pro to show how “soft” your life is. Exhibit A: 0:29 ! These content creators are just ridiculous and hoping on anything that is trendy to make content even if they are not living that lifestyle IRL.

[@Instarius]

And then women cry about not being able to leave an abusive relationship because they don't have their own money lol

[@larissalaflore7202]

Judge Judy said women make themselves vulnerable when they're in a relationship and don't have their own money. Because someone decides to leave a relationship doesn't mean that the other person has done anything wrong. A woman can be a great cook, maintain a clean house, looks good, etc. and a man just wants something or someone else. Others can give general advice but there are no guaranteed methods to meeting or keeping any kind of people. The advisers won't be there to give a woman a place to stay or money.

[@zooweellama]

BRUH i swear its like clockwork. first they advocate for the lifestyle, then it goes wrong and now shes on tiktok crying about how she cant leave cuz she has no money. Its so tiring.

[@etherealdreams7546]

But she literally says in the video that women can and should still have their own money too. U can have both things at the same time, u can have a man who makes a lot of money providing u with a nice lifestyle and u can also make your own money, u don’t have to do one or the other

[@etherealdreams7546]

@@larissalaflore7202 Chrissie never said that there’s any guarantees to keeping a man or that men can’t change and switch up. She literally said in the video women should still have their own money and not 100% rely on a man

[@Las645]

Not every man that's a provider does that. My father literally let my mom have complete control of all the finances because he wasn't good with money even though he was the one making it. And he put a lot of assets in her name.

[@natashadickson4819]

There are different brands of femininity. Choose which one works for you.

[@LorissaNelson]

Yep!!!! I have a mouthful to say about this but I’ll keep it brief lol. As a “traditional” woman, I’d never solely rely on my husband for income. Our family dynamic is different and it was very intentional. We both stay home and work from home. I take care of majority of the housework because I just love being a homemaker and everything that homemaking is in general, but he definitely does a LOT around the house even if I don’t ask. He stays home with me and we BOTH take care of our 2 daughters, not just me by myself. We BOTH work because I love having my own money and contributing to our financial stability but my money is pretty much just “free money” as he takes care of majority of the bills. We don’t do 50/50. And I love working lol. But best believe when I need/WANT a break or WANT to leave or WANT to take a nap or sleep in, I do so without “having” to ask. This wouldn’t work if my husband wasn’t willing to respect and honor me as his wife and the mother of his children. He loves me so well. It’s a beautiful life. I live a “soft life” without being extreme on one end of the spectrum and I’m very grateful for it 🩷

[@roxycauldwell544]

Personally I wish women would say "we're tired" instead of trying to sell their rights in exchange for capitalism

[@nicolec8884]

I'm tired

[@jaicbacote3494]

The internet ppl always have to be soooooo extreme with everything!!! 🥴 If you agree with one thing about something, they swear you agree with everything attached to it 🥴 These ppl need hobbies outside of SM b/c they are empty in the head until SM tells them what to put in it 🥴

[@FrozenAfricaPrincess]

The thing which irritates me about this whole tradwife and SAHM thing, esp. the type pushed by the more extreme TikTokers, is how it‘s built on aesthetics and fantasy. I remember coming across one post where a woman honestly said she was tradwife because she wanted to be able to bake a cake for her husband. She had on the cottagecore clothes, an aesthetic spotless kitchen and all that. And all I could think is, so you have to give up your entire personhood over something so fickle? What‘s stopping you from baking a cake for him as a regular person??😂 What is this really all about? Do they think that working women don‘t cook or bake or spoil their partners if that is the kind of relationship they have? 🤔 These accounts hide the real backbreaking, monotonous, hard work of being a housewife behind aesthetics of wearing aprons, pincurls and baking cakes. Soft life is one thing, but there is nothing soft about tradwife or SAHM, that takes a lot of work and usually does not necessarily include nannys and housekeepers, esp. tradwife. 👀 My granny came to visit me where I currently live and she is the overly-perfect domestic goddess and housewife, she wears aprons, bakes cakes, has a garden, does the whole damn thing to perfection, even now at over 80. And it’s a lot of work, which she happily did, esp. coming from a generation where divorce was essentially not done and she knew she could rely on my grandpa. Still she told me point blank, if she were young again, she’d like to do this as well, live in a city and work and be worldly. She never had the chance (reminder: women literally had no rights to work, have their own bank account or own property in the 50s and 60s) in her time so she made the best of what she had, but she wasn‘t extreme about her way of living and still admitted that she would have loved to try this lifestyle too. As you said Chrissie, it‘s all in the balance of things.

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

Agreed! I'm a homemaker (we don't have children yet), and I think the TikTok aesthetic of a "tradwife" is what people imagine when I say I am. Gardening, cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner from scratch 3 times a day, and keeping the domestic needs of a large house is not labor free. It is indeed a labor of love for me and I absolutely love being a homemaker, but the stereotype that we "sit around all day and do nothing" is crazy to me, and makes me wonder how many of those people personally know any homemakers. I'm into cottagecore, princesscore, baking desserts, and vintage dresses, but that's not my personality or what makes me a valid homemaker.

[@FrozenAfricaPrincess]

@@doll.ov.poetrii4682 Exactly, the issue is they make it their whole personality! I think there is nothing wrong with being into either aesthetics as you mentioned. But the minute one says that aesthetics = reality, that’s just being dishonest. Real life is hard work, sweat, sore feet, time management, multitasking, crying children etc… and often as you said, thankless. I too love cute look or will bake a cake etc… but I refuse to believe that the price for that is having a man lord over me and me be completely dependent on him. Some people in higher tax brackets can afford that without ever having to worry about their financials, even if something were to happen to the relationship or the breadwinner. But regular people? Even my other grandma in rural Africa (which is about as trad as you can get lol 😂) always made a little money on the side to spoil herself, and have money to spend as she saw fit. I think for some of the influencers, they’re simply trying to make money and controversy sells. There are YT channels that are dedicated to commentary on these types and the scandals that happen in some of these supposedly perfect traditional families, whew. Down to unfortunately child abuse and worse. It’s a facade and those ladies are here to make money, no matter what they preach, one has to watch their actions instead.

[@VixxKong2]

I don't know about all that I just stay single and childfree and spend my money on me

[@allthingsloveone4584]

You snapped on this one!

[@BoooHooo]

Nigerians did not create the soft life trend 😂. Literally all i used to see on Twitter is black American women need to stop the struggle love. Before their was soft life, there was "Posh life" same thing just a different generation of Americans renamed the trend.

[@NoName-sp5dp]

They did. It’s a Nigerian trend of escaping the hustle life in Nigeria

[@NoName-sp5dp]

Americans hopped on and made it materialistic and superficial

[@BoooHooo]

@@NoName-sp5dp no. It started with black American women not wanting to indulge in the struggle love narrative with black American men.

[@no-one00]

@@BoooHoooyou’re right but the term “soft life” was Nigerian then it became synonymous for Black American women resting and being feminine. After that non black women stole it. When it was meant for black women in the first place

[@butterflygirl01]

@@NoName-sp5dpsimilar movements but it definitely wasn’t inspired by African women. It became popular for a different reasons. Black American women started that one that has became popular all over social media. Sorry.

[@maribelle7673]

I have transitioned into living a softer life over the past few years. I am in a relationship, but child-free. I have no desire for marriage or children at this time. I have very good income and live comfortably. My working conditions and hours are very flexible. I can sleep in multiple days a week if I want. I can afford everything I need and most things I want. I am only responsible for me and no one else. I am so much happier now than when I was married and buried in hustle culture😊 I never want to go back to that kind of stress ever again🙅‍♀️

[@Millie_the_Mermaid]

Men and Women NEED each other....there is nothing wrong with that....I'm tired of this stuff...I mean, you should do what you want to do in your life....but, there are both good and bad consequences to your life decisions, choose wisely. 🌊🌊🌊

[@hungoverpuppy3907]

I'll be real, I liked the feminine content at first, but now everyone and their mama is hopping on the bandwagon, and is ruining the message.

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

Exactly. The ones who really blow my mind are the content creators who bash and roll their eyes at femininity content and then 6 months later... they're now a femininity content creator and regurgitating all of the points they JUST bashed 6 months ago! And never give credit to the content creators they bashed that actually had great messages and points. I see this happening like crazy all over KZbin and I'm over it!🤯😭

[@Reevay762]

Who doesn't want to be a stay at home wife or gf? Economy doesn't allow that. Cost of living and inflation!

[@mariemuhammad5313]

Black woman here! 😄 Married for a few years with our first baby on the way. We own several 7 and 8 figure businesses and several properties with no mortgage. I retired from my 6 figure career and became a multimillionaire by 30. Of course I work, which means I manage our lives and the home, but live a very soft and feminine vibrating existence. If I need to hire help I do that, if I don’t want anyone around I just do it myself. There are ample women like me out there, many of us really live it and are selective with what we share to the world. I’d say don’t let anyone box you in and just focus on yourself and being radiant and you’ll reap the rewards! ✨

[@1Candysweets]

And Chrissy does it again, all facts.

[@MrsMathews]

The hypocrisy I've always noticed was the women online who tell other woman that they should not work at all. Regardless of what you think, these women are very much working career women themselves. That famous tradwife tiktoker is almost certainly the breadwinner. Pearlythings is a boss babe career woman business owner with employees just like her own mother. And i say this as a housewife myself.