Why You Can't Take A Narcissist At Face Value

[@jonnyblade46]

Just imagine being dishonest 24/7, all your life. Imagine being dishonest not only to others, but also to yourself, all the time. In worst case, narcissism is like a semi psychosis, it seems. It's scary.

[@Oceans780]

Yes, my spouse lies everyday and so i close up my ears when he lies.

[@hannasalo3463]

I still don't understand whether they are actually consicence of what they do 😪😪😪 they are not stupid but so evil 😪😪😪😪

[@barbibutton9619]

It IS scary Kim

[@Wasp239]

It is. It is psychosis, you're right

[@margochanning6868]

When you remove yourself as the problem, a huge vacuum is created that another targeted person has to fill. If Narcissists no longer feel fulfilled by you, they move to the next victim for feed.

[@sundancer7381]

Wow! What a situation!

[@danielkaiser8971]

Correct. People are not people to a narcissist, they are things that give supply until they don't, at which time they are discarded or destroyed, and another thing is chosen to take its place.

[@tedschmitt178]

Exactly right.

[@sundancer7381]

@@mariamunozpiz6070 Yuck! Having to deal with someone who plays games......but then again, in divorce......even normal people play games. Good luck!

[@barbibutton9619]

Good, I hope he moves on so far I never see his face again. 17 wasted years....yeah

[@thegodblogger3812]

The narc I've dealt with accuses me of the very things she is guilty of: lack of patience, arrogance, bullying, and self-serving.

[@ErumEhmad20]

That's how it is with them. They see in us a reflection of themselves abd they can't stand it.

[@shebakali6]

Projection

[@loniiverson8684]

My words "a walking/talking double standard"

[@thegodblogger3812]

@@SuperKarineka I used to believe theirs was an alternate reality, but I've come to find narcs know exactly what they're doing. They intentionally say and do things that are illogical and nonsensical to keep their "adversaries" off balance. They twist themselves into pretzels to keep from being backed into a corner. And if they cannot avoid being held accountable, they blow up, scream, yell, and curse to throw the conversation off the actual issue. You end up arguing about something totally off subject. They are adept at capitalizing on the chaos.

[@robertisham5279]

Me too and he would criticize my mom for doing all the things he was accusing her of doing.

[@MEIAMOE]

While dating a narcissist, I really started to believe my mind was playing tricks on me. There were many times when I felt like I wasn't enough, or that I was overthinking things (so he said), and that I was in the wrong. I felt low and I felt emotionally and mentally exhausted. I was depleted from constantly giving 150% and not getting anything in return (not monetary). I had to pray and apologize to myself for not listening to my heart and my instincts (the signs were there the entire time!). I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt and I tried to meet him where he was, but had to realize YOU CANNOT fix broken people. Don't settle & miss out on your blessings! Empaths are a magnet for narcissists. GOD GAVE US DISCERNMENT for a reason.

[@realhealing7802]

Amen to that! We have to use what God gave us to protect us from unnecessary pain.

[@maidmarion2976]

@Paul Koenderman It’s a place where people can be superior over others and have power over others

[@patvass3019]

Meia, that is exactly how I felt and what I experienced! What a hard learning experience!

[@Jessica-zf2df]

Mela..your story sounds exactly like mine. Even him saying how I overthink everything (or over analyse everything). I've been out 16 months now after 5 years of misery and confusion. Knowing I'm not crazy helps a lot and although I'm sorry you've been through this pain it does help knowing I'm not the only one who didn't listen to my gut instinct. Sending hugs.

[@MEIAMOE]

@@Jessica-zf2df ❤ thank you so much. It hasn't been long since I've cut him off. I could write a book from all the confusion & sadness I've experienced w/ him 😔🤦🏽‍♀️.

[@usernameluis305]

5:47 narcs love bringing down strong people

[@kesmarn]

Like the hunter who would rather have a tiger skin rug on the floor as a trophy than a rabbit pelt. "The bigger they are the harder they fall, and I -- the narcissist -- love bringing down that big game."

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I found out the hard way.

[@jackierobinson8785]

Hurt people hurt people. But then there is evil that seeks your complete and total destruction...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes to both thoughts. Dr. C

[@DHRodriguez86]

Better description!

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

My soon to be ex actually admitted he was trying to beat me down to his level. My therapist said with those words he was trying to destroy me. The stronger I became, the worse his passive aggressive behavior became and when whatever he was trying to accomplish, the vindictiveness was revealed and something I had never experienced with him. When I fought even harder while trying to figure out what in the world was going on, the vindictiveness grew worse with different types of vindictiveness and then I saw the mask slip even more when observing for the first time, half open eyes that looked like he wasn't even there - wasn't present in the moment - and when he looked at me, I saw something I didn't recognize. I saw someone I had never met before. He had the eyes of despondent disdain as well as not seeing me. The person I had been interacting with for 41 years wasn't there. It was terrifying. There are no feelings I could feel. There was nothing I could process or connect with. He was dead inside and all I could sense was someone who had lost all of his essence and was replaced with minimal tolerance for any person and could care less about anyone. I knew he had entered the dangerous side. What sent me into full blown terror was when I had a complete emotional meltdown and realized he would rather protect his lies, even knowing his lies were the direct cause of my suffering. He finally admitted to me a few months later after I made him leave the home that it was more important to protect his lies than to end my suffering. That's when I knew he was very dangerous to me and would be from now on. I have a divorce hearing on July 10, 2024. Once the joint accounts are closed, I will breathe easier.

[@Loulouchewy]

I have a narcissistic family member that every time I meet them, I feel they are saying one thing but thinking another. They are also very manipulative.

[@bereal6590]

I know that feeling!! It's like walking across quicksand

[@Loulouchewy]

@@bereal6590 I agree 👍

[@gempath5533]

This is the absolute truth, avoid them at all costs because the psychological, emotional and spiritual cost will be unacceptable.

[@wifferstess2824]

You just can’t. They’re not interested in knowing anyone at a personal level. They only live in the moment. All that matters is how they can control, scheme, manipulate to get what they want in order to feel significant and whole.

[@romepix]

@Surviving Narcissism replied FAKE ACCOUNT has been reported

[@carolnahigian9518]

Wow you met my sibling & Cousins

[@maidmarion2976]

Really good analysis

[@MEIAMOE]

That's the damn truth!

[@KB-xk2fe]

Or use one as a scapegoat....

[@corinneguilmain8710]

Dr. Carter, I have been following you for several years now. I want to thank you for your kind and gentle way of describing things. Narcissism is a bear to get my arms around but your constant calming demeanor makes it a joy to hear your presentations which opens the door to wisdom and understanding. Thank you so much for all you do in helping us all understand the boggie man.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome! Dr. C

[@suetyson1650]

I have lived this way for a long time. It is so hard to understand that a person who can be so great and yet have sporadic anger and projection of their problems on to me. I need to be on Team healthy!

[@catherinewilson1079]

I am currently being evaluated for Aspergers Syndrome (Autism level 1). Taking everyone at face value is an Asperger’s Trait. If you know anyone with this condition, they need to be educated about Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder because they are prime targets for abuse.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you.

[@annewalker3422]

I stood up to the narcissist in my life, a super controlling person. It did not go down well. She still told me what I needed to do. We're both Christians. She's just sent me a text saying "you'll know you've reached the next level of spiritual maturity when you're no longer offended by some of my behaviours!" Honestly I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[@davidhinkson8856]

Who determines your spiritual maturity? And the mere fact she said this suggests she hasn't reached any kind of maturity, let alone spiritual!

[@oleleewahjahlawze60]

The church trolls doctrine goes like that.

[@barbibutton9619]

Anne, laugh like there's no tomorrow. That one beats the cake!! She's a good narcissist.. real good at being one!! God bless you. So, I learned this prayer (AND IT WORKS TRUST NE IT WORKS) - every day or night, pray this prayer for 2 weeks - "God, please grant ____ (narcissist s name here) everything they DESERVE in life, whatever you seem that to be, Lord. Amen". Oh, does it work. I've used it on 3 people in 20 years and I learned to sit back quietly and watch. But I never used it on my narc partner. It's time. I sit here tonight by the window looking at the night sky. God is near. Time to talk

[@barbibutton9619]

@@davidhinkson8856 it's a ch a way of making a person put up with them via spiritual guilt. It's epic. Might be the text of the year.

[@propheteyebert7063]

@@barbibutton9619 That's a variation of casting a witch's curse on someone. It doesn't work, but it lets you pretend you have power in the relationship when you don't. Instead of spending all your time passively aggressively wishing harm on someone, why not just end the relationship?

[@purpleiguana208]

The idea that "hurt people hurt people..." something about it rubs me the wrong way. Yes, people who seek to hurt others often do so because they have been hurt themselves. But there are plenty of people who get hurt and think, "Hey, I don't like how that feels. I wouldn't want to hurt someone else because then I'd make them feel this way, and they wouldn't like it." Of course, being able to formulate such a thought requires empathy and an ability to reflect and consider others, which are traits narcissists just don't have, but I don't think that the state of "being hurt" fully explains why they lack those traits. It may be a part of it, but it definitely isn't the whole story.

[@realhealing7802]

I agree with you. I have been hurt by people and I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose. It's all about intentions. To hurt someone else on purpose is evil.

[@notthatvashti8127]

Me too! I believe if everyone who has ever been hurt went around hurting others, especially with the same tenacity, the world would be in even greater chaos than it is now. A closer to truth statement should be :vindictive people, will hurt people."

[@cristasattler9216]

This phrase is for the narcissist not the empath. Pain creates one or the other.

[@alkggkla5643]

Right? I was physically abused as a child and I never beat my kids. We can learn what not to do, but we have to be open to seeing their faults.

[@maidmarion2976]

They hurt people because they have a grudge against the world. This does not relate to ANYTHING that has happened to them. They can be the most loving brought up privileged people and they still have a grudge. I have seen it at first hand. Many times. This has all not been researched adequately. There is definitely a component from the genes. These people are born that way I believe.

[@joannajohnson696]

Hello Dr. Carter! Hello Gus! I really enjoy your sense of humor while describing the Narcissist! I live with this every day. Fav part you mentioned (the true part that is serious), "Narc's like to smash you so they feel superior. They are devoid of love. They like to bring you down & into ruin if you are strong."

[@1013specialk]

It's awful when you so want to make amends with them and wish things cld be normal and know it's useless

[@cowboywithacameratrucker4745]

Right!? It is crazy, if they made a little effort to understand how they deal with others life for them and you would be so much better, but the just can’t.

[@olyooshka]

They just pretended to be someone else to lure you in, that's what they do. And ALL they do is jump from person to person temporarily luring them in with their facade, instead of looking inwards and wondering "what am •I• missing if I have to pretend to be someone else who attracts people and how to heal that".. You needed that someone else they tried to emulate, you did not need them.

[@Calmerthanyouare17]

This person I’m dealing with will say absolutely anything to not be accountable for how he treated me. The smallest things turn into huge blow outs and break ups. I’ve begged this person to not speak abusively for years and now I’ve finally had enough. He’s STILL justifying it even as I’m walking away. They don’t care about you!! Believe what they say!

[@bereal6590]

What I'm learning more and more is that the person I always thought was a positive force is actually the most negative. They've constrained me psychologically and those shackles have kept me in turmoil. I see it now ...... The subversive control, and micro manipulations, gaslighting and invalidation. Issue is this revelation has come during another big struggle that I may not come out of unscathed and may affect my life permanently and it's down to narcissism in others, but at least it led me here to this channel so I can be mentally stronger grow learn and even if I have to hobble forwards I will be doing so as my more authentic self 😊😊

[@trying2survive602]

All the best with your journey! What a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity. I am facing a new challenge myself as my eyes are now open. Working on myself to gain strength. Dr. C has been a really big help!💕

[@leanneb9111]

I hear you and I can tell you I know what you mean and yes hobbling along is a part of it.but once you work through the shock and disbelief and grief you will find yourself running free. Lots of love and light to you

[@lorirarich1875]

@@leanneb9111 btw gaslighting is often the best label. And by the wayy it is a bona fide Crime to lie to someone or behave in ways that make them doubt reality. Crime! Some narcos are afraid of authority.

[@cathybutcher4826]

Working with a narcissist is so very draining. Every day is a roller-coaster ride of emotions and not knowing what you're walking into. Keeping a wall up for self preservation gets exhausting. And it is EVERY day. Not just a normal grumpy day once in a while. I can't imagine feeling the need to control, manipulate, insult, demean, one up every person I interact with every day of my life. I need a new job!!!!

[@shebakali6]

This is so true. I’ve had so many people say, oh she is so wonderful, a Reiki master, a yoga teacher, etc. Her false self is all about being spiritual but behind closed doors, she is brutal to her family.

[@cymbolichuman433]

It's just a facade that hides their darkened soul.

[@timmywitty1432]

Sooo many in the new age community are narcissists!

[@danielkaiser8971]

Absolutely yes. Narcissists use their association with anything perceived as inherently good to gaslight people into thinking the narcissist is good. It is among other things an attempt to get unearned recognition for the false self behind a shield of not being questioned about it.

[@sallysorbello7303]

Yup, I worked at a "peaceful school" with the most bullying administration possible. They did yoga and said Namaste....all the trappings and posturing.....but I have never been treated worse in my life. It was a group of overgrown high school mean girls environment and I clearly wasn't included in the clique....thank goodness!

[@cup_o_TMarie]

Altruistic narcissism is no joke🙈

[@aletheagaddishaw3749]

It would take Divine Intervention for the Narcissists to admit any fault, insecurities, lies, manipulations, internal emptiness, hurt 😢 etc. We can't change these people but you can make changes for yourselves

[@darleentaylor9058]

In 1995, my then-husband of 12 years left me with three children. I know now he was/is a narcissist. I healed from that relationship...and was enjoying my freedom and building my self-esteem...never wanted to date or marry again. And can you believe it!! I married another narcissist! Tale as old as time...he love-bombed me! Someone, actually loved me! The cycle began again....gaslighting, blame, word salads, my self-esteem took another dive. Then I found you, Dr. C, and these videos. It explained my first husband and explains my situation now. My self-esteem is healthy, I am in control, my life is good. I am still with him but I see his frustration and confusion at my strength. I see him leaving me because he is not getting his narcissistic supply. But I will be fine. All your sessions are great but this one is especially valuable to me. Face value...I get it! Thank you!

[@chellyw8427]

I dated a narcissist for 4 years on and off. I have completely lost myself. And I have no idea how to find the pieces and be whole again. I don’t think my life will ever be the same again

[@barbaramale9106]

I eventually learned that what they say and what they do are polar opposites. "I care about you" while laughing at my pain. "You are always starting fights" when I haven't said a word, he did all the talking. And "You're lazy" when he never once faced his responsibilities, "not my problem". They believe their delusion and expect everyone else to. They cannot be wrong, ever.

[@ebony41441]

Yes. They have to be the most superior to, the fairest of the land, the winner of all wars.

[@CS-dw4kw]

The narcissists in my life have always found my pain, trauma, and embarrassment to be the highest form of humor.

[@dianasasina9328]

This video should be given to your " Narcissist " to explain it to themselves .... THIS IS YOU !!!!! .......

[@krisztina442]

I guess, it's the essence of narcissism: we can't and shouldn't take them at face value. If we do, it's a straight way to disappointment...

[@zumadale]

I find myself getting caught up in falling for the facade and future faking way too many times then I'd like to admit. I'm getting better at it. Usually occurs mostly when shes off work on weekends. All future faking and physical ailments...you can count on it. I just try to get her out of the house on weekends...keep her occupied

[@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690]

Exactly, dont trust anyone till they earn trust

[@mikeseitz2792]

I view them as objective, they no longer get my emotions. They use you as a punching bag on one side and a ATM on the other. Sick people!!!

[@craigmerkey8518]

So true... they win the battles but loose the war! Exhausting AF !

[@aanderson4511]

They say "sorry" while giggling or chuckling 😡

[@strugglingmillennial1298]

I remember going on a few dates with a Narc and he claimed to be a nice guy. He went into great detail about how he never made passes at his female best friend and respect women. As a SA survivor, it’s important for me to be around safe people. The last date I ever went on with him, he assaulted me and claimed to the cops that it was mutual. Disgusting. These individuals are truly sick.

[@beckyharrt]

Thumbs up, means I agree with you

[@pamelahansen5928]

They are black holes where all light that enters - disappears in it’s horrible abyss 🥺😔- I have asked that question SO MANY, MANY TIMES- “Why ARE you treating me so badly?💔😳” This video explains so very clearly about the mode of operandi of the narcissist 😔- thank you for all this clarity - I am so grateful 💝💝💝 go team healthy 😉

[@hannasalo3463]

I will never understand 😞

[@barbibutton9619]

Yes, I've asked to. Complete silence or he starts listing reason s why it's my fault - ha! God is stronger than him.

[@suetyson1650]

@@barbibutton9619 yep! I’ve been there too! Crazy making techniques.

[@grateful7420]

3:50 I think saying, “ Hurt people hurt people” is giving them too much excuse. I have been hurt over and over again yet I’m not mean and cruel and determined to destroy another person. No excuse for being evil.

[@notthatvashti8127]

Twisted logic indeed! Narcissists love the saying; "hurt people, hurt people." Something in their mind tells them that this is justification for wreaking havoc, and often causing sometimes irreparable damage to others. Most times non- narcissistic individuals realize when they are causing pain, and will do what they can to lessen that said pain on others. Narcissist certainly can't be taken at face value, because there are way too many faces that they don't want you to see. Thanks Dr.C!!

[@maidmarion2976]

I don’t think that is always true. My Narc admits he doesn’t know why he feels that way. He had a privileged background.

[@notthatvashti8127]

@@maidmarion2976 Agreed, nothing is " always true." There are variables. I'm not surprised that a narcissist would say they don't understand their doings, it's one of the red flags of narcissism, little to no self awareness. Therapy helps.

[@123raven4]

What you see in a narcissist is a facade!!

[@annedenton4623]

My narc dad’s favorite word was “idiot”.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

And I'm assuming he wasn't talking about himself. Dr. C

[@gailramlal8138]

Thank you for explaining how creepy these Narcs are... Im learning alot...great job Dr. Carter...

[@giuliagautschi-delre2313]

Thank you very much again, Dr. Carter! It is not always very easy to stay calm but I am willing to be part of Team Healthy, living with my narcissistic, hypochondric and vulnerable narcissist husband. Glad I have my two happy Dalmatian Dogs around. I am at peace whenever I take long, long walks with them…!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay with us on Team Healthy, Giulia, and I'm glad you have your two dogs to keep you grounded! Dr. C

[@beverlytate2669]

It's difficult for the abused to look into ourselves to heal our issues. We do it because we're strong enough to do it. Imagine being unable to do that, being too afraid and being unable to heal. Yikes.

[@CS-dw4kw]

Very true.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

I remember saying "you're very controlling aren't you?" I didn't really know what it meant back then but a friend of mine mentioned it to me. I still remember the glazed eyes and blank stare. Also I bought the book called 'why does he do that... inside the minds of angry controlling men' and left it lying around. I wondered why he never asked me about it. Probably thought it was about someone else!

[@barbibutton9619]

Ha. 🌸🌺🌷

[@Canaday291]

The malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I divorced has Absolutely no capacity to self reflect and take ownership for his behavior. Instead ,when called out and held accountable he lash’s out , projects, blame shifts, gaslights, screams vulgar cursing cruel insults and threats, deflects, denies, berates, pathological lies, stonewalls…….. like clockwork, as he scurries away from his long trail of chaos and destruction he continues the damage by smear campaigning and triangulating others including my children against me as he plays his imposter role of victim .

[@sharinielsen7985]

My husband and his entire family are narcissists in varying degrees. My gut always told me that something was 'off' about them, but until I began to learn about narcissism I couldn't understand what it was. I do remember thinking that everything they said and projected felt phony to me, like they weren't real people. Of course at the time I thought I was being ungenerous and felt that there must be something wrong with me for thinking about them in that way. So, thank you Dr. C and Laura for shining a light on the truth of the situation. It's still frustrating, but now I know I'm not crazy and that is a great blessing.

[@maidmarion2976]

Same here Shari

[@VS-yb7oq]

Likewise Shari!

[@maidmarion2976]

My husband and his family are such good actors, extremely good. They would convince you of anything. They were grandiose and managed all the trappings, including the upper class voices. It was all sham. It is only your gut feelings that save you, but it’s bewildering and strange when years later the truth comes out. They did everything in a subtle way and behind your back and have always got an answer to everything, it’s just not the true one. It messes with your head so much

[@sharinielsen7985]

@@maidmarion2976 exactly

[@leanneb9111]

Gee.....that sounds like my family of origin.glad you are free welcome to team healthy

[@Fennerfunnyfarm]

This is the best explanation of who I'm dealing with, every bit. Sad state to live in.

[@sheiladay365]

I understand that hurt people hurt people. We all get hurt in life, however, caring people know they would not do to anyone what was done to them.

[@pambuzz22]

Thank you so much beautiful soul for advising about the Narcissist personality and their behaviour. I was once along time ago marriage to this..Narcissist Person..I had to break away from him in the end. Thank you again do much. I'm truly grateful and appreciated with gratitude for yours advised Thank you. Love and lights with gratitude and so it is. 🙏 namaste 🙏 ♥ ❤ 💖 😍 ✨ 🙏 ♥

[@lulufulu4867]

First I thought he was a workaholic, can’t stop doing/working, low emotional attachment etc. then the projection started, and the gaslighting. All of which I tried to discuss with him. Our value systems continued to clash. Not saying I’m perfect but I do reflect and try to work out what’s going on with conflict,. Now I am bringing the focus back onto me, hanging onto goodness, calm confidence, not reacting, managing my anger. And that is thanks to you Dr. I am so grateful for the understanding you have given me. The relief at understanding what is going on with him, and myself, is just life saving. Lots more work to do but you have set me on the right path. 🙏❤️

[@carrienelson9485]

I like being on team healthy!! Best team ever! Thank you for being our coach, I’m doing so much better since subscribing to your channel!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Team Healthy! Dr. C

[@gertrudewest4535]

Me, too!

[@Christinesobsevations]

Me as well …. Thank you so very much for your continued education 😌

[@maplelassuk]

Me too, Carrie!!

[@justinamusyoka4986]

Me too,i show my children this videos while resolving some hidden conflicts from people who disguise as friends.

[@homenhungry4987]

I've been forced to deal with two degenerate narcissists at my church. Both hold administrative titles. Both have caused me incredible pain and suffering. But Dr. Les Carter's videos have helped me understand these devils. And an understood problem is no problem at all. Thank you, Doctor.

[@deborahjohnson1065]

I am so glad I entered your world. You are so gentle and kind. God Bless You!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Deborah! Dr. C

[@sharonpoisson8401]

As the years go by a narcissist curtain gets thicker and entanglement has grown into who they are; buried forever.

[@TM-hl9me]

"Birds of a feather flock together." This classic adage is extremely valuable advice when finding your way around narcissists.

[@danemaclae9474]

Was married to a narcissist for 20 years. When I finally stopped playing her game told her it was time for me to start making some decisions, she left, moved 3 states over and within 6 months was living with some poor guy that had no idea what he was getting into. That was 5 years ago, she still texts me occasionally to tell me what a bad job he's doing in the relationship, and if it wasn't for the inheritance she was expecting to get from him, she wouldn't put up with him.

[@garyzgary1]

My current loneliness, although temporary, is bargain priced for not allowing narcissi to hurt me anymore. I like being on team healthy, thanks Dr. C!

[@gertrudewest4535]

As I am getting healthier, I sure notice that there are a lot of people who like to put other people down. Instead of reacting, I kindly encourage these folks try to be more charitable towards each other. I sure am liking myself more and more every day as I continue to grow. Thanks Dr. C and team mates.

[@desormais22]

For the longest time I believed so many, if not almost everything, they’d tell me about me and about themselves. Only realized in recent years thanks to outside trusted help, that so much of what I was told was not what I thought it was. Went from shock, to disbelief, to shock and back again, till finally when my internal world got stronger, I finally accepted reality. I’m the logical one, they’re the emotional explosive one; I’m flexible and teachable, they’re not etc etc. Finally the accusations when they come don’t have any place to land because I no longer believe in the lies and see the truth. This is where freedom is

[@marydanielle000]

Marc is talking about my deceased brother and mother. Watching this video is keeping me from losing it and ending up arrested. It's hard to stay calm and not engage when he pushes the buttons he knows hurts me the worst. I am going to my dads again for the night to save myself.

[@Gill12283]

Very true. You just cannot trust a narcissist. Great video. And Gus is in it too!😀

[@IrresistibleGrace_Designs]

When I was still connected to the Narcissists, I would always get the blame for something they refused or could not accept. So much false accusation, mirroring their dilema and demons onto me. When Christ pulled me out of the muck and mire, it was then I recieved the answers to what was truly going on. It was not actually me that was the issue. True I was gulable and ignorant but also very open hearted as well as sincere, which the narcissits bombarded with thier hidden agenda toxicity, so to feel surperior. Everything you said is so very true, to what I and many others have and are experiencing.

[@johnhenrymcmahon6878]

Hey Dr C! Thank you for this great video. I have always had many people with narcissistic tendencies in my life (my Dad and several of my older siblings and relatives fall into that. Several close friends of today, as well! Sheesh...), and I am an actor-so I am surrounded by folks with these tendencies (even if they aren't full-blown narcs). The pain cycle you described here really hit me-so true. And the temptation to not fall into these tendencies myself (I am a recovering co-dependent) keeps me on my tubesocked stocking toes (I am a total JV baseball guy lol) myself. And I see ol' Gus on that couch! Always makes me smile-he is such an adorable boy! Much peace and thanks again, Johnny :)

[@edgreen8140]

They have internal views of others ( introjects) that are fighting in their head. So of course they will be in a bad mood.

[@Quina-estaffa]

Perfect desription. So glad i left 6 months ago. After 8 years of his (this) kind of abuse.

[@crystalclear5794]

Dr. C., you truly ARE freeing us!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH...!!!

[@lauriehutchinson9487]

"It's good to be paranoid" narcissist said to me when I said I needed to stop being paranoid.😨

[@CS-dw4kw]

Ugh my narc ex would do the same thing to me! He would encourage my anxiety and fan the flames. I was a nervous wreck with him

[@lauriehutchinson9487]

@@CS-dw4kw You said it perfectly.

[@leanneb9111]

A soul soothing teaching. Thanks once again Dr carter for setting us free. I wish I had met someone like you....someone on team healthy.

[@elcee7800]

The statue just gets its location moved from here to there. Same statue, different location.

[@astrialindah2773]

They literally create chaos everywhere they go... So the best thing is to go/stay far away from them..

[@gittebruun9070]

Thank you from my heart

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome. Dr. C

[@privatejen3590]

The high-controllers have a need to control the perceptions that others have of them. Since they are often willfully ignorant (ignore their internal state and ignore others), it is up to us to be willfully wise and value our integrity, our freedom and our life.

[@JCcanU]

Dr C 1997 I was seeing a Psychiatrists for depression had a lot on the table at the time I thought I was losing my mind . He told me it was more my wife than I . he ask to see her . Next Visit she went with me it only took him 2 minutes to set her off , She called him crazy and went off on the Dr he had to have staff remove her . looked me in the eyes, said no your not crazy she is pushing your buttons to the max . less that 4 month later she ran off with a boy toy . made me hurt 20 years marriage , but the feeling of being rid of all that hate was up lifting .

[@JCcanU]

@Great God your number

[@dcjak1]

Thank you Dr. C. You are a Godsend

[@paulstewart238]

If you ignore them they pick a fight with someone else

[@gempath5533]

I forgot to mention the financial cost will be unacceptable as well!

[@bethmorano1452]

For 37 years I felt badly for my husband who was obviously mentally ill and always felt it took two to work on a marriage. I even left a local support group “Battered Women Support Group” because they wouldn’t address this. I did everything humanly possible to try to work this out. I didn’t give up on my marriage, he destroyed my love, commitment and soul.

[@beckyharrt]

Don’t let him have that power over you any longer!

[@bethmorano1452]

@@beckyharrt I definitely don’t. It’s been a hellish journey.😊

[@funnyface338]

It’s team HEALTHY for me too! I’m saved by this calming therapy! It’s just so logical, we don’t use twisted logic! This is scary stuff, it’s nearly killing me. You have helped me so much to believe in my truth. Dr. Carter, you’re an amazing healing guide and I sincerely appreciate your kindness and authenticity! THANK YOU SO MUCH ✌️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy. Dr. C

[@kellybarton929]

Inflicting pain on a victim by demanding money for a gift they were so happy to give 4 years ago all because we finally see right through them. How pitiful and insecure they are

[@ncbeachbumintx]

Thank for helping me understand that it’s not me.. and I can not fix the other person.. I wasted many yrs not understand what was going on.. please give Gus a belly rub & God Bless you Dr C.. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@patsyluna1985]

Great advise! We live with narcissist everywhere! But know you’ve given me the tools to recognize their tricks and habits to be aware who ones dealing with….

[@brendaleverick3655]

I agree, and that's the problem I have with meeting people. Alot of narcs appear nice and attractive at first. But at the end of my dealings with them, they appear as monsters!

[@ErumEhmad20]

Oh so that's why they go around calling everyone who believes in healthy thoughts, and self-improvement, "fake." Because they take that person at face value, not knowing the person's struggle and why the way they are.

[@rubysparklerodriguez3647]

Yes that's exactly it they do not take the time to care what your going threw nor what have you been threw and keep making you the cause instead of looking at them selves and what they are doing that you s wrong two wrings don't make a right and I feel bad for them but theater on t worth it its better fie you to do this ngs for yourself and who Cates what they say and also they are empty heartless people that want to look to you as an empathy to take care of there problems when you have your own careless heartless only care about themselves and what you can do for them they don't care there are emotion less do on t wadye your time believe I've tried with them don't jusybdontbyou regret it

[@danielkaiser8971]

Narcissists also call authentic people "fake" because to a narcissist, everyone else is just like them, competing to have the best false image to everyone else. Or, narcissists know they are two-faced, the fake good in public and the abusive in private, so they accuse good people of being fake (classic projection) to make it seem like the narcissist is the good one in comparison.

[@ErumEhmad20]

@@danielkaiser8971 thank you. Now I know why they call others fake. Their goal is to put down anything / everything in a healthy person that they want highlighted in their own selves. I may be quoting Dr. C here 😊 not sure.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Be strong be VERY STRONG

[@teripacini5611]

Every single video you've made is helping me navigate through life with a narcissist. And finding the strength, courage, and knowledge I need to leave a toxic marriage. A million thanks.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome. Dr. C

[@ericnorthman9410]

I can't imagine being as miserable as a narc - But they do it to themselves. They waste their lives. Many of us waste time - they do it continually. It's terrible terrible. My question is how can certain people in a family are born with this - while others arent

[@beckyharrt]

Right!!

[@dbtlady4686]

WOW! Exactly who I’m dealing with and I’m staying mentally healthy

[@suzannechurcher1745]

A relationship with a Narcissist is SAS or SEAl format boot camp for your own personal development. Sure was tough as hell but you can come out the otherside with valuable attributes. You decide and choose to implement what those attributes are and be the best you can be. Salute you all who have been on this path and won through.

[@izawaniek2568]

Do not let anybody define you or tell you how you feel or what you should do or who you must follow. Thank you dr Carter.

[@heatherpesterfield8121]

They live in there own little world where they are never to blame and when they get unhappy it’s those around them that get the blame

[@tenmiltenmil1770]

Thank you for always providing us with valuable and vital information on narcissistic behavior ! It was through you that I was finally able to put my foot down on my evil narcissistic cousin ! It’s been three months and I haven’t heard from her ! Aaaaasah I feel free and at peace and so does my family ! THANK YOU SIR ! I love 💕 your channel and will continue to watch ! October 7th Thursday 2021❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍♥️♥️♥️🥰🥰🥰🌸🌸🌸🌷🌷🌷😊😊😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome! Thanks for the good vibes! Dr. C

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I will not let anyone define who I am and what my moral, values and goals in life are. I want to live with dignity, respect and civility both for others and myself. Thank you dr Carter😊 God bless you❤

[@eessa1727]

'Hurt people, Hurt people' My only wish for them is healing, love and not get caught to other manipulative people. Because universe gives you back what you give out.

[@michelepascoe6068]

Wonderfully clear answer to "Why?" (question of my life). Thanks, Dr C.

[@angusclark145]

Thanks.

[@eugenm]

Thank you. This is the key : A silent thought to ourselves, to calm ourselves down when we're in the company of a narcissist. 9:31 - I'm over here on team healthy and on team healthy each person takes responsibility for who they are. ( I'll add : meaning, sometimes admitting some present mistakes, done through words or deeds. ) I modified my initial comment. There were two mistakes.

[@ardent9422]

Dr. Carter, I could never thank you enough for clarifying these people and the situations that involve them.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome. Dr. C

[@doloreskelly649]

Thank you Dr C I needed this video at this time, having a difficult time at the moment feeling really scared t hinking about living on my own

[@gertrudewest4535]

Are you being abused? If you are scared, I hope you will listen to your instincts and do what is in your self interest. There are a lot of jobs out there right now.

[@barbibutton9619]

Me too, Delores, me too. But God is close and this will be the 3rd time I left him in almost 18 years (actually,I think this month IS 18 yrs) and God always provides and I always come out SOOO much happier. But...I'm still scared - this time around I have health issues that are making it difficult

[@donnao8950]

I just put your. Videos all,or ing Wow it feels good to be happy and confident again.

[@annking8633]

Looking forward to this! Thanks Dr. C.

[@Allison12338]

When I have any kind opinion all I get back is ...nah that's not correct and will turn everything around to be my fault. His most famous words are....I can't help what you think in your pretty little head. He tries to convince me I don't know what I'm talking about. Like I'm crazy. I once said...your gaslighting me. He said back ...no you're gaslighting me. He the asked what is gaslighting. Anyway this isn't a pity party. I'll leave when I can afford to. I know when I leave there's no point saying anything to him. I will just be gone one day when he comes home. 🥳

[@raymondgarafano8604]

Gus is lookin' good a real friend. . .

[@tammyrobinson5249]

People like this, like my 26 year old daughter-they pounce on you in your moments of weakness. They prey on it. Having a loved one that’s also a sociopath on top of narcissism I can tell you it’s impossible to deal with people like this. Is pathological lying a component too as my daughter never tells the truth, sue rewrites history. She has told horrific lies about me and her father and gave even accused boys of sexually violating her, she has lied about being pregnant, she has lied lied and lied some more.

[@ycluv23]

Wow! I said exactly that statement a couple of yrs ago, "They like to see me weak" !! cognitive dissonance (💡 moment)

[@darlenesmith7487]

So nice. Thank you.

[@menotyou6254]

Thank you