Why you're confident one day, then awkward the next

[@RutabegaFarmer]

Ugh yeah that's how my social anxiety feels. One day I feel super confident and outgoing, then the next, I'm more withdrawn and I have a stress headache while interacting with others and feel that I'm too boring.

[@KazeVersa]

Same here, I'm still struggling to understand why it's happening. My social skills did improve compare to the last couple of years and I am less anxious in public now. But there are times that it's like I'm back to zero.

[@ColeHastings]

Hopefully the video helps

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Tbh, I can't explain why that is either, but I think the answer is quite simple. Social media changed everything.

[@RutabegaFarmer]

@@KazeVersa It makes me wonder if its the amount of sleep I've had. Or maybe how much self worth you feel that day.

[@KazeVersa]

@@RutabegaFarmer yeah, mine is probably because of my mindset

[@EnderKnightBG]

"You're not gonna get along with everyone, you're not gonna be able to vibe with everyone, and you're not gonna effortlessly talk to everyone. And that's okay" This hits different

[@ferringsylveon219]

It's mostly your mood sometimes. I've noticed when I'm in a good mod, I'm Hella confident, but when Im in a bad or neutral mood, I am not confident.

[@ColeHastings]

Correct

[@DoofenSpyroDragon16]

Same here

[@SeFu2006]

Basically you have to make a choice everyday to take care of your body so your mood doesn’t take a hit

[@Blinkers2007GameDev]

SAME

[@Blinkers2007GameDev]

@@SeFu2006 Yes. Eat well, cut down bodyfat or build muscle if you need to, take care of your skin, take care of your hair etc. It makes you more confident

[@notCAMD]

Recently i started doing pushups and my confidence is now as high as on the internet

[@CUATROMORCE]

thats legit one of the best pieces pf advice, even if it may seem superficial. working out also releases important hormones for well-being. when watching this video, i actually realized that the confident state of mind is much easier for me to tap into when i exercise, because i strive for something that is solely for me, but also creating a more safe experience because i feel more powerful within myself. hope that makes sense.

[@G59forlife.]

Working out never helped for me. Instead I did crystal mrth 😃

[@nolanwolfe]

Me too brother! One week in and I’m feeling so good

[@r0kbotm]

Me 3 my confidence has never been better ​@@G59forlife.

[@Sanji321]

Probably the best KZbinr on KZbin

[@lacecreationz2434]

I’ve had to reinvent my social life all over since 2020. A lot of my old ‘friends’ turned on me that year and my life changed in the blink of an eye and I’ve had to bounce back ever since. Yeah social anxiety and uncertainty does afflict me sometimes just because when you go out in public it doesn’t seem like most people are that friendly or engaging with others.

[@vicrattlehead8665]

Man it’s so weird going from insanely talkative and manic with people you actually have chemistry with, to feeling insanely awkward in other environments. Had a job interview the other day and there was like 6 people there, half seemed a little more serious and the others were a lot more laid back. You can tell who was amused by some of my banter 😂 and the more serious people were clearly more interested in me explaining my skills/strengths (it’s a job interview so duh) but I realized in that moment that you really do have to flip flop between different modes with certain people, work related or not.

[@ashleyanimatessstuff]

I love Cole's videos as he actually explains the problem in an easy to understand way and shows the possible solutions instead of acting like cold showers will fix everything

[@Yitz42]

This is exactly how I feel all the time. Slowly been trying to change it, been socializing a lot more at work but it’s not easy to change. I will be fine one day, but then not able to talk the next. Thank you for putting this video together, it really helps me understand my mind and I will definitely put the advice to use!

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Well look, I don't think there is any shame in that, but if you think certain people are not going to disappoint you, then think again, you are probably setting yourself up for feeling let down. However, I wish you the best of luck, and don't take this personally, as I've experienced similar situations. I'm only trying to help and just would hate to leave you in the dust. But take my sentiment however you choose, and I would hope it's with a grain of salt.

[@bigboibebop]

OK, This video could not have come at a more perfect time. I’ve been talking to this one girl and I felt so confident the first couple days, everything felt so natural and easy. And then for some reason my confidence dropped and I lost all my momentum. Now I’m seeing this in my feed. You’ve got some crazy good timing with these

[@aseemkunte9843]

Your videos are really detailed, and every single video has new and fresh information. Most of the "self-improvement" KZbinrs provide the same info differently. Your videos are excellent, you're very underrated. keep up the good work!

[@EdgarDiazSpeaks]

Great video Cole - if you ask me, the best way to increase your confidence is to put yourself in situations where you’re NOT confident. Embrace the feelings that come with it and push yourself to act in spite of them. Then confidence will come.

[@ColeHastings]

I think that’s the key for most people. For others, more treatment is needed (especially for those with severe anxiety)

[@EdgarDiazSpeaks]

@@ColeHastings good point - there are always special cases! And, sometimes, we all just need a little therapy🙏🏽

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Wayyy easier said than done, but we know at the end of the day nobody is going to play by the rules of society, and while this isn't a cheap shot at Cole or anyone else, people need to stop seeking validation and stop being gullible and just accept there are always going to be robotic and selfish people out there, and as much as that really pisses me the f*** off, it's the stone cold truth. And why that is ... well, idk ... but I don't wanna hear this crap 'well you're the victim, and you're just being negative'. Um...no...do your f***ing research and don't fall for scams or malignant narcissistic personalities trying to consume you, or your identity. Feel free to disagree with me, but I'm just spitting the brutally honest truth. And if that's not good enough, then I really don't know what is. Maybe I'm the stupid one here ... but I think as a human species, we've always been naturally stupid.

[@EdgarDiazSpeaks]

@@EmbraceTheStruggle24 you’re not wrong, it’s definitely easier said than done but who said it was supposed to be easy? 🤷🏽‍♂️ Life is tough man - we’re all just doing our best out here and trynna to share from our experience! Sounds like you’re doing the same, which I can respect!🙌🏽

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

@@EdgarDiazSpeaks I appreciate your understanding and I'm glad there are others out there who have similar perspectives :)

[@DoofenSpyroDragon16]

9:23 omg this explains a lot!! So my junior year I moved to GA and attended a new school, promising myself to be myself. And it proved really easy because, like you said, the environment was different. However I really wanted to be back where I grew up, so for my senior year I switched schools again. Now I’m socially awkward and afraid of what people will think of me, because they’re very similar to people at my middle school who were very judgy and not nice to me in the slightest, though back then I was pretty oblivious to me. Now every time I try to bring up what I’m interested in, I immediately fear that I’m gonna get the judgy looks up and down. Now I know why this happens. Thanks cole!

[@rail7646]

I'm feeling confident 90/10, I have confident and not confident days and I tell you for me it has nothing to do with encounters, but with sleep and energy drained by people. Today I slept so bad due to energy vampires yesterday (my family), I couldn't even look a single person in the eyes today and my day was full of doom, I'm pretty sure everything will me different tomorrow since I plan to have a excellent portion of nice sleep this night. Take in mind these are big factors.

[@kuhp000]

My summary on this video *Keep the wheels greased* - After isolating for a while, it's common to feel anxious when interacting with others. - Consistently make an effort to socialize. *The Energy of others* - In social situations It's okay not to vibe with everyone or effortlessly connect; remember - not everyone is a perfect match. *You're brain is like code:* - if *social setting is similar to past trauma social setting* you get *anxiety* - if *social setting is not similar to past trauma social setting* you're *calm and confident* *The solution to becoming more socially confident more often:* *1. Identifying what triggers your social anxiety (Questions to Ask)* - What time of day was it? - What type of people were I around? - What environment was I in? - What did my thoughts look like right before getting there - What was my emotional state before approaching *2. Accepting those feelings* - Feel what if feels like to be fearful, shakiness, increased heartbeat (social anxiety) and get comfortable with it and remember to it's completely normal to be feeling this way based on past experiences *3. Working through the emotion* - Your emotions are friends; embrace them. Safety boosts social confidence. - It's okay to feel awkward, anxious, mess up, and be embarrassed in social situations. - With repetition, your brain will realize that there was no threat in the social situation at all. lol i'm taking notes that's how bad my social anxiety gets but thank you Cole your videos really help a lot much love bro ❤

[@fabrice.ngoran]

1:06 you didn’t even allow the kid finish his words 😭😂🤲

[@thedarkestowl4224]

Thanks Cole! Have a great day😊

[@ColeHastings]

You as well

[@MrBrilliant-pro]

I guess this happens with most of us but more with so-called "introverts". Like at times I am as charismatic and charming as Russel brand or Chris Hemsworth and on other occasions that dialogue kicks in , " Why are we still here ? Just to suffer." I'll try my best to apply these tips , thanks a lot Cole.

[@abdelrhmanahmed8894]

it's weird that your content is so relatable

[@lynetterice8413]

This NEEDED this video!!!😎👏🏾👏🏾🥹🥹

[@ColeHastings]

This needed this video

[@tmrb7600]

Great video and so true! Sometimes I’m viewed as witty and funny and the center and other times I’m viewed as insignificant and scared and just a nobody. It’s the energy and the perspective of others but also my reaction to what’s being played out. I’ve been looking for a way to be me always but also understanding that we need to be flexible with the circumstances.

[@hunterbooth8578]

I used to be the party guy. I used to do drugs that made me more confident and lively. I think the absence of that creates anxiety. Eventually I was able to be social again without drugs or alcohol but I definitely had frequent anxiety before that.

[@danielclipper931]

Dude I’m mostly sober now, but it’s definitely hard when you can’t hide behind drugs.

[@Lolcoca]

Sometimes all these things are only in the person’s mind too ! And he or she interprets it that way ! From what is called « overthinking » or fear of the judgments of others. Just ignore (absolutely don’t care) ! Your life : you do it for you but not having or demanding an external validation by asking the question whether I am awkward or not in front of others . . .

[@rossy5444]

Bro gotta stop being so relatable 😩

[@theodoros_mpousoulas]

What I do with some of my clients who have social anxiety, is just to go step by step. First, get out of your home. When you feel comfortable with that, start looking people in their eyes. When you are comfortable with that, start smiling to the people who are looking back on you. Then just say hi. Then say hi and make a copliment. Then continue with a small talk about something your observed about them. Then share something small about you (that connects with the small talk you started). And then continue the conversation. Every step must feel at least some what comfortable before your move to the next step. Then, it's a matter of weeks to make new friends, from when you started this process, until you got to the last step! 🔥

[@rushipatel7786]

the relevancy of cole hastings topics is spot on !! but why is it so ????

[@ColeHastings]

I had the hat man put neuralink into the brains of all my subscribers so I always know what they’re thinking

[@rushipatel7786]

​@@ColeHastings Haha, speaking of which, have you come across Jiddu Krishnamurti? Sometimes your content reminds me of his insights, albeit with your own distinct style, tailored perfectly to your audience.

[@ColeHastings]

@@rushipatel7786 I have not

[@mufmager]

For me this happens with people around my age 22, but even with teenagers as well, because back in high school I was always laughed at because of my body and well, even though I've changed a lot, I still feel it could happen again.

[@ArQaDe001]

I am so grateful to find your channel

[@NickFrancoeur-gv4sf]

Don’t overthink because you’re usually wrong.

[@angelface333]

this is something i’ve always struggled with! love the video idea 🩷

[@jackxu6523]

I just realized that at 10:34, it triggers me.. but I didn’t know if it’s because of some bullying in elementary school I had because I wasn’t feeling terrible, but it might’ve left a scar on me. That short clip made me feel angry. Thanks for the video. I gained so much insight

[@jackxu6523]

@Detroit_Smash 👍💪

[@zubat0532]

Crazy video thank you very much cole, I haven't seen your videos in a while but this has helped me reanalize my social skills and the social situations I live and how I act there. It has lately heppened to me that I've pressured myself to be an extrovert when I'm not sure if I am, if I were to tell you right now I feel more extroverted than introverted, but I'm slowly realizing that it is not about being introverted or extroverted it's about being yourself and taking care of yourself, because of this pressure to be an extrovert, I've forced myself to be socializing all the time even with people I don't enjoy being around that much, I've pressured myself to open up about everything in every situation, but I'll be more careful in picking who do I want to open up to and develop a deep connection with, If I truly wanna open up I'll do, but if the person I'm opening up to represents a logical threat to me, like they're gonna judge me or treat me wrong, I'll stay away and find someone else. I have this friend with whom I'm not sure if I wanna keep him near me, but I'll have to explore that, but there's definitely people that I don't enjoy being around that much.

[@stoiq_]

Cole, can you do a video about laughing easily and what does it mean about your personality?

[@zackbitter]

This video was very valuable. I'm glad that you actually went into the science behind how the brain works and the root of feeling socially anxious. As other 'guru's' will just tell people to "meditate more" or maybe: "just stop caring what people think of you" Lol. Great video!

[@char2723]

Literally spoke to someone and they blushed like crazy!

[@notjhill]

Not through the video but I needed this man, went to a bar a few nights ago I dont usually I felt so awkward in such a loud enviroment after having not socialized for so long

[@intellectually_lazy]

if i'm not safe, that's all the more i have to shine, must embrace what i can't deny, i shall fail and i shall die, but until then ima try to be brave, because i have more power than all the greatest people in history combined, because they're dead, and i'm not yet. i know exactly what's at stake, the entire future, and i know the ante, my life, so i simply won't accept the option of never showing my face again. if i'm awkward, so be it, if i'm hated and attacked, i'll have certainly gotten in people's heads. they can hurt me, destroy me, but living in fear and inaction will do the job slower and with more suffering, so...

[@intellectually_lazy]

yup, got here too. good show

[@timothysturgess5985]

the part you missed with being awkward in social settings is everyone spends most of their time talking through a screen so we're loosing the ability to read body language and facial expressions. we're missing out on how to read the social cues that we need to develop when having interactions with others. also, focusing on how you think others see you, will give you anxiety. try focusing on the people in the room, instead of working about what others are thinking about you.

[@BAR0N48]

IM NOT EVEN KIDDING im this wxact same rut RIGHT NOW THANKS COLE SO MUCH

[@stevearai3361]

I never have an issue interacting with people one on one. Sometimes even 2. Due to the fact that I drove for Uber, it almost forces you to have interactions with passengers. So it comes off as second nature. However, on group settings, especially on the table, my social anxiety won't allow me to speak up, at least not without some resistance. I think your explanation nailed it well..

[@NFSMAN50]

Very great and insightful video Cole!!!! Thank you brother!!

[@samankhalilvand]

your guides are awesome but long some times. but still usefull. actually always useful. thank you

[@ColeHastings]

No problem. Why do they feel long to you?

[@russells19]

@@ColeHastingsit’s not a TikTok with subway surfer at the bottom

[@samankhalilvand]

@@ColeHastings i almost get the points before half of the video

[@ColeHastings]

@@samankhalilvand gotcha, i'll try to work on that, although i really like emphasizing the points through detailed explanation so they stick in your head

[@samankhalilvand]

@@ColeHastings i appreciate that. sure

[@fenixfiretime]

I was literally thinking about this right now

[@ColeHastings]

Good timing

[@lethalfumes]

I’ve been needing this video

[@rockoutttwentyseven2328]

Hay Cole thanks for the video again. Is there a way you can make a video on how avoiding accountability is a rising issue? And how we as human beings have an issue of disconnecting from things the moment or two that something goes wrong.? Even though this has been a problem that’s been going on for years it just been more intense for these past few years.

[@rachnox]

My interactions and experiences with people have not made me reflect on my approach to them. Conceptually, it made me question life and the characters that can exist. What am I going to do with me and this human existence? Anyway. People will never be the way I want them to be, I will always approach them with disappointment, and one day I hope that I will have relationships that I can really build like the relationship I have with myself.

[@destianpatrianagara1119]

For me looks matters as well, days when I have good hair and good shape makes my confidence go high. I know true confidence comes from the mindset but yeah still..

[@Maximus5775]

Agreed

[@C-nd8yx]

Really want to see that review of the adaptation of Dune 2 😆 I would love to see more of your videos related to movies / art

[@StuHolland]

Quite the stretch to get to your sponsored segment there😂

[@ColeHastings]

very common problem, imo. Not a stretch at all

[@skyeblue49]

Another W video thanks Cole

[@macewindu6853]

I’ll never forget, I was literally the man at my graduation party, and when I went to my orientation I got humbled lmao

[@oscarsvgs]

door to door sales pushes me so far out of my comfort zone to the point nothing makes me uncomfortable anymore i can take on any challenge bro social anxiety is 0 My gf is socially awkward ill go out with her and have some weird interaction like holding a door open for someone whos far af or making a joke with a cashier speaking my mind unfiltered and she just feels awkward and embarrassed socially anxious whole time im js chillin unfaced😂

[@alejandrodejesus7711]

The group of people that make me feel like I don’t want to be there are a lot of my coworkers and it’s mostly because it’s a bad vibe over all sometimes but I have no other choice because it’s a teamwork type job

[@ColeHastings]

totally understand that. When i worked in the service industry i felt the same. Unfortunately there's no real solution there other than to look for a better job

[@GirishJha-od2pu]

bro deserves 1 million subscribers

[@ColeHastings]

Soon 🙏

[@Blinkers2007GameDev]

This is exactly how I feel

[@mahshidkeyvan9469]

I would have never thought that could be other people's problem too

[@zzzoouuu]

needed this video, thanks!

[@joaomoreira5996]

This is my literal life honestly

[@dismayingmist7868]

Wonderful video I needed this I am noticing it happens when I talk to cashiers

[@Made2Improve]

Very teaching and valuable video, thank you❤

[@stardust4878]

This is how I often feel too, I'm a shy young man who opens in general to people who I think there have a good personality. I naturally stress a lot by meeting new people or speaking infront of them. But sometimes this good energy aura is a trap. When I went to the first year to university, I met a narcissistic friend, our first months of friendship were really good and she was very nice, but then she changed, she became jealous when I had a success in life, she humilate me when I doing something wrong in class, she commented everything in class, a real smartass, always want to be the center if attention and nobody likes her attitude. Then I isolated myself again and told this narcissist the truthafter a few month i was so in anger, but it was so liberating. These are the examples that you should always be aware that people have sometimes a good aura, but than a dark interior and don't let these people destroy you, you can leave them since a narcissist will never change.

[@abuqadr629]

Yo thats what i was thinking bout the last coupple a days. KZbin reads my mind

[@char2723]

Amirite!!!

[@DONTSAYGOODBYE]

thank you cole, needed this

[@tomino555]

Huge value. Keep it up man🔥

[@anas.e74]

The coding sequence is so extra, I love it. 😂

[@CasuaICole]

Dude, you made me remember my name was Cole. Thanks!

[@JK-nj3bt]

Because of weather

[@intellectually_lazy]

being awkward is supes relatable, therefore disarming

[@intellectually_lazy]

being genuine is something people can sense

[@adrianmosquare]

Common Cole W

[@ColeHastings]

Common Adrian W

[@aaronaustrie]

Most of what you said I can relate to fr

[@giuseppeLizzi-rj3er]

You can’t be perfect forever

[@Semogaberkah266]

thanks uncle cole im rey from indonesia❤❤❤

[@thatboy_rafa3286]

12:36 did Cole watched Initial D ( bc of the t-shirt ) ?

[@Naturenerd1000]

If there's a good day the universe says I'm going to change a bunch of stuff in your life tomarrow so you have stress again.

[@souleater5441]

This is so accurate

[@dvdv8197]

*Because you're human* 😊

[@anakinz11]

You know me so well 🦧

[@MamaSwole]

I feel seen with this vid lol

[@ColeHastings]

😂

[@nestortomaselli6372]

“The adaptation of Dune pt. II is not nearly as good as the book” is already a super awkward conversation starter 😅

[@K1911TE]

Just called being human, folks

[@jasonfanclub4267]

I had social anxiety yesterday 😅😢

[@dee6349]

Hey I think the editing in your videos are great, what editing software do you use

[@ColeHastings]

Thanks, my editor edited this one. He uses premiere pro and after effects

[@dee6349]

Okay, thanks so much for responding and responding so quickly, have a an awesome week

[@SeFu2006]

This hits hard

[@TREBLEBOOSTER65]

You're either operating around the same frequency and "vibing" or not close in frequency with who/what you're interacting with and not "vibing". That's ok. Happens every day to everyone.

[@angelface333]

8:00 🤯🤯🤯 edit: 10:56 🤯🤯🤯

[@SkalesQ]

This title is crazy

[@HappyCastProductions]

for me its when i have a good time with a night out maybe do a few silly things but the next day im just like (oh god no one likes me)

[@Keonggreen]

I find the part of being comfortable with being uncomfortable quite hard to overcome because it’s quite scary so it’s best be done in a quiet environment. Hopefully putting ourselves in this enough times becomes is less scary and also understanding not everyone will like me

[@Jim_Wool]

Istg I’ve been going through this for the past few months, this mf is watching me in the shadows

[@ColeHastings]

I’m in your walls

[@Jim_Wool]

@@ColeHastings AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[@maartenbass328]

I know a great way to overcome social anxiety , but i m too lazy to write it bye deal with it

[@-blackcherry3918]

Do it

[@darikzen]

thank you, but I was already diagnosed with bipolar, so I know why

[@gdoak1836]

Cognitive behavioral therapy at its best.

[@ColeHastings]

little bit of that, little bit of other forms of actual movement that help you process emotions caused by trauma. Recommend the book "the body is the score" to understand more of this.

[@JaysonT1]

​@@ColeHastingsHmmm, I heard of that book! Has something to do with the body holding on to any and all trama....if i recall correctly.

[@ColeHastings]

@@JaysonT1 yes, something like that

[@LuizAlleman]

Stop tapping into my deepest insecurities, bro!

[@YakisobaSoldier]

Vape-Id lol my brother it’s pronounced va-pid (the a is like ahhh like you’re scared running away from someone)

[@ColeHastings]

I’m cooked

[@divyv20]

Hey Cole , very good video . I can do better editing in your videos which can help you to get more engagement in your videos . Pls lmk what do you think ?

[@Kasucscou]

Damm! I thought it was only my problem😅

[@ColeHastings]

This is a universal problem. Guess what else? Most of your other problems are too, people just don't show it ;)

[@anikahossain2245]

How to follow you on Instagram?

[@jakubhladil5340]

It all suck ppl give up, its always gonna be shit

[@dwezzy28]

Don’t socialize with coworkers. Work is a competition and they are out to get you

[@pollo4202]

Yo

[@ColeHastings]

Yo