Why you're so angry and defensive all the time: Protector Parts from an IFS framework

Have you been wondering why you are so angry and defensive all the time? Or maybe you wonder why you are so sensitive and easily hurt emotionally. This brief educational video about internal family systems will help you big time. You will learn how to better understand the parts of you that protect your inner system, and learn how to find emotional healing with this therapy technique. Kate will teach you about the #internalfamilysystems concept of Protector Parts, and how they defend the Exile Parts and work hard to support your emotional stability and health so you can operate in a high functioning way in your life. You will feel so much relief when you learn this tool for self discovery called #partswork. Things will start to make sense that have always confused you, and you will learn how to apply this strategy to everyday life. This video will inspire you to learn more about yourself, and discover the many parts of you that make you who you are. You're going to love feeling in control of your life and your emotions. With this method you will see changes in your relationships with others and with yourself. You will see huge changes for the better in your #mentalhealth, and your happiness and appreciation for life will increase in ways you could have never imagined. For more information on the Internal Family Systems Institute check out their website at: ifs-institute....
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[@toddb.4265]

Great Stuff. Into IFS for 8 months and its useful to have the basics reexplained in such a clear way. Blessings to you!!

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Thank you! I'm so glad it feels supportive to you.

[@faithporcella]

Thank you for your explanation of how the protector part functions. I could not understand for the longest time why my angry part would take over when my true self knew that I could handle some thing or I had another way to cope. But it makes sense when you explain that the protector part is a firefighter, just trying to put out the fire a.k.a. the bad feeling and not thinking of what will happen after. Now, time for me to work on bringing my parts to the roundtable when I’m feeling triggered.

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Sounds like you're doing amazing work! Keep going :)

[@tmking7483]

What a story we weave then leave

[@rossgeography]

Excellent topic - I was/am struggling acknowledging a protector part, he is so angry that he/it was needed - but I also recognise other firefighters/managers like perfectionism, the pleaser, the diplomat and the (comfortably numb) drinker.. thanks for making this.

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Hi Ross! I am so glad this resonates with you. it can definitely be an enlightening and complex process of navigating the functions and roles of different protector parts. Stick with it and keep supporting the harmony and balance of your Parts!

[@wendyrudnicki6298]

This is absolute gold ❤. I am so happy to have found this video and this series of videos at exactly the right time. I was doing IFS work (as a client) before I discovered that it was called IFS (in Van der Kolk’s 2016 book). I’ve been looking for helpful IFS resources/therapy for a loved one in Texas and these videos will be so very helpful. Thank you!

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

I am so glad to hear that this is helpful for you, Wendy! And what beautiful synchronicity that it arrived at just the right time. So glad you're here!

[@TheVaultOfRemembrance]

Pete Gerlach on KZbin is a really really good source too.

[@realgenjutsu8181]

This was a brilliant breakdown. It helped me immensely with putting order to what is what and why is what. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with all of us. If you ever doubt whether your efforts are making any change in the world, please take this as a confirmation that you are actually changing the world for the better, one person at time. Don't ever stop.

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Wow, your comment went straight to my heart! Thank you so much! I am truly happy that the video felt helpful for you. Keep exploring your world and your inner work, and you will continue to discover a more healthy and radiant life!

[@iw9338]

Excellent thanks very much 😮😅❤

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

You're welcome. Glad it's helpful.

[@jennifertichelbaut2508]

I’m currently learning with a coach about IFS and figuring out how it all applies to me and you explained this in such an amazing way for me!! Thank you!

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

I'm so glad, Jennifer! It really is an incredible healing modality. Keep up the amazing work!

[@chrisvargo9852]

Love how you bring in the parts cards for this one. So helpful for deepening the understanding. 😊

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Thank you! I am so glad that was helpful. It always helps my brain to have a visual aid. Thanks for watching!

[@dianeibsen5994]

Thank you for sharing this. I do feel defensive when You ask why are you so angry. It brings up shame. Bc abuse and abandonment issues. Better to be consoling than to ask why. I know this is likely not your intention. Just the way I took it. I need a inner family systems therapist that works with the above and trauma. I am outside the Seattle area. Thank you

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Thank you for your honesty, Diane. I apologize if this was triggering for you. That was certainly not my intention. It sounds like you have great self-awareness! If you want to search for an IFS therapist in Seattle, I recommend that you start with the IFS Institute website and go from there: ifs-institute.com

[@dianeibsen5994]

@@TheRadiantLifeProject thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. I know it wasn't your intention. it did trigger me. Anyways, I appreciate the information on IFS 🙏😊

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

We all have these resilient and amazing protector parts that defend us and keep us safe. I would love to hear what you've learned about yours. Feel free to comment and share!

[@wendyrudnicki6298]

It would take hours to describe my ongoing journey with my protector parts ( bless all of their struggling hearts for working tirelessly to keep me safe and sane til I could get more help from therapists.) Back in the day we were doing IFS work before knowing what it was called. My first t 25 years ago called it ego state therapy and the key thing he did was welcome whatever parts of me showed up and wanted to include them and hear them-“no bad parts.” He helped me heal some incredibly deep-level trauma. My next t had just learned a little about hypnosis and was a very kind, loving, gentle soul and together we learned how to help me stay in Self to connect with and heal very wounded exiled parts, which we called “hurting inner kids” then I read about IFS. I’m using the IFS website provider therapy to find someone in Texas who will take new clients for my loved one. Meanwhile I am beyond grateful to have these videos to share with her. The cards are a wonderful aid and she loves art! Thank you, bless you! Wendy

[@Soul.Talk.Coaching]

Amazing. Can you make a video showing us your cards and explaining? I loooove how you made them

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

I most certainly will do that! Thanks for the request :)

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

UPDATE: I just recorded the video for you. It will go live next Friday at 5am Mountain Standard Time. I hope you enjoy :)

[@Soul.Talk.Coaching]

@@TheRadiantLifeProject omgggggg amazing Thank you 🙏🏻 Will it stay in your channel ?

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

@@Soul.Talk.Coaching You're so welcome! It will post next Friday and then stay in my channel long-term.

[@Rama-lila]

So, so helpful.🕊️

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

I'm so glad to hear that.

[@jamiekeith5082]

Thank you .

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

You're so welcome, Jamie! I am glad this was helpful.

[@Mirandorl]

What if you feel strangled, controlled and humiliated, like everyone you meet is somehow both more important than you and entitled to do or say whatever they want, hurt you, attack you, no matter how bad? There's a protector that tries to come up but gets strangled, not allowed to talk. Like fight gets perfectly balanced by freeze and they sit there, stuck? Or sometimes after months of suppressing, it all finally floods out, but comes out like a child age? When its stuck it hurts my chest and throat so much. Its been there for over 40 years. Had so much therapy, nothing is helping. My T likes IFS so maybe I could explore this with him.

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Thank you so much for sharing, TheDroidBay. It sounds like you have been so thoughtful toward helping your system. IFS could be a good metrology to explore further if nothing else has worked out. You can find an IFS therapist near you by searching on www.ifs-institute.com As I read your message, I wonder if you may be coming into contact with a protector part that keeps you safe by keeping you quiet/withdrawn. You may also be experiencing the energy of an Exile part. If you haven't seen my video on Exile Parts yet, you can find it here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fIizdHimm9-Vl9k Keep trying until you find a methodology that works for you! I can sense your resiliency and your desire to heal, so keep trying!

[@Mirandorl]

@@TheRadiantLifeProject Wow thank you, I really appreciate you helping. I hadn't thought of it being a protector, I will explore that. Got the link open now, thanks again.

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

@@Mirandorl You're so welcome! I'd love to hear how it goes if you decide to approach it through that new direction.

[@komunikolog]

Great explanation! Thanks!

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

You're so welcome. I'm glad this was helpful

[@kathieolson2891]

Great lesson Kate, gives me lots to think about.

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

I'm so glad to hear that! Thanks so much for watching.

[@iw9338]

I just became very angry while driving the highway and it freightened me😮 a protector rose up?

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Sounds like it!

[@jillianwarriner8730]

This video is so much better at 2x speed

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

Great!

[@cliatreuhatitahc]

YounDO NOT ask the parts " are you really necessary anymore?" You DON'T. You ask the part what it would prefer to do if it didn't have tondo the role or job it does" That question you said would be a mistake as it triggers abandonment. Bad job

[@tmking7483]

My psychopathiv parents required that I feel the pain of them not loving me _ it was mandatory to stay alive. Parts Theory is a Alice in Wonderland Mental Model of Childhood Enslavement, Like- hows that working- saved any authentic selves from sacrificing themselfs to cancer reseach _ you know for the good of many.

[@orangeziggy348]

Can you make these videos shorter? I can only absorb so much.

[@RachedAlame]

How do you heal those parts of self that we can identify as our exiled self. Ex: how do you heal the anger that comes from abandonment? @theradiantlifeproject

[@TheRadiantLifeProject]

This work happens in layers, and only with the permission of the Parts within. If you work with the part that presents, show it compassion and curiosity, it will eventually lead to deeper work with Parts deeper down in the system.