Why you should focus on being a woman, not a daughter?

[@Sasha-K]

This man has never told a lie! Story of my life, 34 & stagnant. Just started learning how to decenter my mother.

[@MyAkachi]

Ooof this hit. Especially as we hear decenter men a lot. And whilst that is true, a lot of us have to decenter our mother first. No one ever says that.

[@momoso143]

I’m 34 too and stagnant, it’s good to know one of the reasons that could be keeping us back.

[@GoodVibesOnly369]

I needed to hear this video. I am also 34 and stagnant. Thank you all for being vulnerable enough to share. ❤

[@illmeeillmee9373]

Some things are really beyond your control. Culture and religion leave many women "stagnant" so let's not speak from privilege

[@ennvee1989]

35😢

[@Blssdbydabest]

Please make an extended video and go in-depth about this!

[@Greatful0374]

Hit me in the face 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@briannajanae2074]

We do need more on this topic because he's the first dating coach I've seen ever talk about this.

[@ReychelH]

Thank you Fiary God Brother. Please do a long form video on this topic. Many Black & Brown girls were not allowed the space to grow into thier "woman-ess".❤

[@tinacherry2295]

I'd love more on this subject too! I learned how to be a rebellious unloved daughter. I can describe what that looks like but a "women" no idea.

[@TeeYourGoddess]

SERIOUSLY 😫😩

[@renaed5015]

Wow this is eye opening. Black daughters especially need to know this

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

Having had this experience, I can also say that many mothers don't give their daughters the tools to grow into full womanhood, whether consciously or subconsciously - it's a type of sabotage. So stepping out into womanhood feels "wrong" because you literally have to rebel against that to grow as a woman. A lot of the dating advice these type of mothers give (if any) subtly can sabotage your dating life. A separation is necessary, and separation doesn't mean abandonment, it just means standing on your own two feet, especially emotionally.

[@TheFilmbroad]

This is why I am single now.

[@d.c.5033]

Well put.

[@rodericwalter2862]

Yes.

[@nomz401]

Very true. I feel guilty about dating even as old as I am

[@missx6230]

Woah this is revolutionary. I feel like I’m learning this all so late but I am trusting the timing.

[@Gairuntee]

This is also called people pleasing. So. As a kid, you learn to be whatever is needed to be helpful and to keep the peace at home. You de-centered yourself to survive. As an adult, it's hard to let go of that behavior.

[@kv2723]

VERY hard! I realized I was doing this in the workplace, with friends... That's why I found it so difficult to articulate what I needed - i didn't even know what I needed because I'd been shoving so many things down my whole life. I didn't realize I was doing anything possible to avoid making someone angry or unhappy with me. Still working on this!

[@rodericwalter2862]

Hard, but not impossible.

[@ans1298]

I wish I was told this when I was in my 20s

[@gaylasgoodies]

This right here

[@TheRuthie30]

Darn Anwar, you have clearly articulated why I am now in my forties focusing on myself. Yes, I have now been focused on being a good woman rather than a good daughter over five years ago. Setting and sticking to my boundaries was very challenging but it's now paying off.

[@EvaVas03]

Sammmmeeeeee

[@RPMcMurphy33]

I did something right! Can’t say that I’ve been a good daughter, but I’m proud of the woman I’ve become. Turning 40 next month!

[@VashtiPerry]

You were clocking my tea as soon as I read his title. I already knew what the message was going to be. This was made for me like oh my gosh

[@eljofrva]

Not this daughter 😂 I stood up to my dad starting at 16 and with his anger problems - it was war! I wasn’t able to confront him about everything from my teen years and early adult years until I was 37 ❤️‍🔥 when I stood up to him, finally part of my family stopped talking to me 😢 However it was the best decision I made regarding my independence as a woman! Now I have been able to feel like I’m fully in control in my life. I was only able to stand up to my dad in that way as an adult after years of counseling and also support from my mom.

[@blahblahblahitsyou]

Please please please do a video. I have major mommy issues lol😂 and I’m so happy you talked about this. Especially in the black community, not wanting to be family oriented or close to your family is given so much shame. Def stuck in good daughter role and miserable

[@creativeafrica.]

You read me, baby 😢

[@rickimcfarland2269]

Currently dealing with being shamed for setting boundaries with an absent father who is having major health issues. This video hit home as I am only seen as a daughter and never as a woman, UNLESS I am the one in need. When I am in need then I am expected to be a mature responsible woman. Show no emotion just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get it done.

[@blahblahblahitsyou]

@@rickimcfarland2269 girl I feel for you! Sending prayers. It’s always about what they need but never about what you feel. The erasure of you is real and built in to the way we are raised

[@blahblahblahitsyou]

@@creativeafrica. sending love. The good thing is that we are all experiencing this so it’s not in our heads

[@rickimcfarland2269]

@@blahblahblahitsyou Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

[@cindyl760]

Yes Anwar you need to do a video! My mom and I have a troubled mother and daughter relationship it’s draining and just a back and forth with my mother she mentally drains me. She’s the only person in this planet that can get under my skin on another level

[@973shero9]

Thanks I feel it deep in my soul as an African woman

[@Ruby-kr6fh]

❤❤❤

[@nyeguono]

As a Nigerian woman, me too

[@Bella_M26]

This ❤

[@veeveemille8830]

Please do a video about this! My mother passed 16 years ago and I still find myself slipping into good daughter mode. It’s so hard to separate out the real me from the roles I had to play to survive before.

[@beverleytaffe4928]

I don't even know how to drop the "good daughter" ways.

[@EvaVas03]

🔥🔥🔥 Because it's all you ever known its like your identity WOW

[@angelface333]

start with things like setting boundaries, defining what you like, what you want in life, defining your nonnegotiables, and identifying which behaviors you don’t like having around you 💖💕

[@katherinebraxton5068]

I strongly appreciate this type of dialogue. It's very helpful. ❤

[@joywilliams2065]

Facts Anwar, leaving and cleaving has to start before the wedding day. A lot of very grown women are torn between pleasing their parents and living their lives. Grounding oneself in womanhood is the best decision a woman can make to safely transition from being a girl to a woman.

[@TheRealCueenFoodie]

I’m a terrible daughter so I might be a good woman!! 😂😂

[@Itsmayyyy225]

You just might be sis 😂😂😂

[@TheRealCueenFoodie]

@@Itsmayyyy225 😂😂

[@nikiyasmith4103]

😆😆😆

[@TheRealCueenFoodie]

@@nikiyasmith4103 😂😂😂❤️

[@stacieharris]

37 here. Still feel like dating is a sin. Dont know how to break free from it😢

[@RaeSchultzy]

Sending up a prayer for your healing 🙏❤️ I am younger but understand the feeling completely. I hope you find all that your heart desires.

[@stacieharris]

@@RaeSchultzy thank you so much🥺. Praying for you too 🙏💕

[@TheFilmbroad]

You summarized my own experience so perfectly. Break free now! Let your mother's pain be her pain. You don't have to share it!

[@stacieharris]

@@TheFilmbroad but it's not my mom though. My Mommie is cool 🥰

[@ajh.4131]

For me personally, I’m just a non-confrontational person. In all aspects of my life. Conflicts stress me out. Yes, I know conflicts are a part of life and they can be resolved in a healthy manner. Generally speaking, that’s just the type of person I am.

[@kcreed717]

Yes it's definitely hitting me, lately I've been saying to myself my mother is holding me back and i need to make movements to escape from that (good daughter role) which she don't appreciates anyway.

[@keegankeepgoing]

❤ this is so incredibly true and hardly ever talked about - in part because of family/people in your life who dont want you to grow (or mature) in how you think about yourself. Once I recognized this in myself (I'm no longer just a daughter, I'm a fully grown woman with intrinsic wants and needs), it was a light bulb moment and everything got better...including sex!

[@bravesoul7777]

I tried talking to my mother about relationships/men and i just made her angry and resentful. I see where the issue started. She is helping my father who is her ex husband in old age (resentful) and hates the man she is with because he did something that took away her security (angry). She has always been very strict with me and perfectionistic and absolutely hated my ex ( which i get now). Im left to deal with all this in my head by myself

[@_dearamara]

I needed this Anwar. You have no idea how much.

[@Cherry-fl4zp]

Please make extended video on this!!

[@FrostyDufour]

Brilliant! Never heard it put this way before, hits hard.

[@marquinarawlings]

When I first saw this topic, I was like, “What does this mean?” Once you started explaining, my mind began racing back and forth between my mother’s commands for my obedience and my ex boyfriend’s insistence that I blindly follow and agree with him. I am peaceful, and I am learning how to stand up for myself. I’m getting better and better at it day by day. I do hope that you will do a full video on this, because I feel like there’s much more to this topic that you’ve brought up. Thank you in advance! 🙏🏽❤️

[@susankhojali1334]

Currently living in a war zone but working on myself, no time to waist .... You helped me a lot with understanding myself first as a woman and understanding men. I'd love to be in your program one day because I feel like your POVs are more realistic and to the point than any other dating coach out there. You come with actual solutions. Sending love 💕😘

[@NikiiBabie]

Crying real tears right now. Trying to decenter my Mom at 52. Don't wait this late, ladies.

[@LadySanya80]

Yes please do an depth video on this! I didn’t know I needed this knowledge until now.

[@charade9971]

OMG please do an extended video on this 😢❤❤

[@mariahgunn7101]

Definitely do a longer video on this

[@veryrealvlog]

Love this guidance!!!

[@AllyMark-xy8ry]

If you cant say Amen say Ouch. Ouch! 🙋🏿‍♀️ I'm mind blown! I'm 31 and this is me. Love has always been elusive for me.

[@kickitlikekirra]

I had an epiphany within this topic a few days ago, so I am SO extra happy to hear this confirmation, especially from you, Anwar! You truly know what's up! And yes, it's funny that so many of us women need to hear this from a gay man, but truth is truth! Thank you for all the growth and healing you galvanize in us!

[@rubytaylor2182]

Anwar, you really are doing God's work. Your insight is giving many of us that we didn't know we needed. Thank you for your excellent content. I've had so many ah hah moments listening to your content. When your book finally comes out. I know it will be a New York Times best seller. Yasss yallll you heard it here first. Hurry up and finish your future best seller!

[@Bella_M26]

This is soo good 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Rhjnkiitewsxbmlp]

We NEED a longer video 🥹🥹🥹

[@Miraebee]

This truth hit me like a truck as a girl that is too close to her father I used to think I should treat them like my dad for them to love me 😮😢

[@rodericwalter2862]

This will turn out to be one of your classics! Thanks for the work you do to assist people into individuality and adulthood.

[@shecreates365]

Deep!!....YOU ARE SO WISE!!!

[@CrazyCamoChick2010]

Ahhhh, makes sense!! 😊 I could listen to you give advice all day! In just seconds, I learn SO much from you!❤

[@Sam-xy9pg]

For me it was not my mother but being a good daughter for my father

[@mamboculture7101]

This is what I need. Not even to get a man but just to get my sanity for myself as a grown a$$ woman still holding on to being a little good girl inside. How do we find your program Anwar?

[@emaunawest]

PLEASE do an extended video of this!! I’ve been battling with this for awhile now

[@SunGathersDust]

I struggle with this. About to read Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters by Karen C.L Anderson. I recommend it if you’re also on your journey of searching from your mom to grow in to who you were meant to be

[@itp2inc66]

This is so on point with my situation. I need to de-center my mom from my life. I’m in my 40s single. My mom has needed me to help her because she doesn’t speak English. And somehow I became enmeshed with her and her responsibilities.

[@renitagriffin6998]

This my message right here 😌🙌🏾

[@ldihm9368]

I wish i had all the info you spill when i was in my 20s.

[@Joirychelle]

This is Fabulous coaching, wow😊😮🙏🏽

[@CR-cv1bv]

Thank you!! You have no idea how impactful are your videos. I watch them even if i am not particularly interested in dating (recently divorced), i learn a lot about the mistakes i made and take notes for the future. Please make an extentedn video on this topic of the ‘good girl’ syndrom, thank you, you are a beautiful soul, God bless you

[@Ruby-kr6fh]

“The things that you will need to do, a good daughter can’t do” PREAAAAACH IT FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS, ANWAR!

[@codewordeiei0404]

A great video to watch next would be “Why Do So Many BLACK MOTHERS HATE THEIR DAUGHTERS? The Mother Wound Explained” on “Koereyelle” channel. I feel it’s related and covers the topic in detail. Both these videos were so helpful and needed 🙏🏾

[@codewordeiei0404]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/moHSZ4amhZWLqbssi=1W9RlS9Cr9QkqLvq

[@danelliematos3779]

Yess! This is a great thing, please go deeper on it!

[@Atlanta718]

Be a great woman, not simply a good daughter Don't just listen and obey Find yourself, then find a partner Do what you want and speak up

[@sajahtalks]

I don't know if I was ever a 'good' daughter. I stressed the hell out of my parents. But my mama was a bully, still is and I'm 37. Like petty school girl drama she'll start with me. Like mean girl level but she's the woman who gave birth to me. I feel like my outbursts growing up was because of how she treated me. Anywho gotta work on my inner healing 🙃

[@eljofrva]

“A daughter listens, obeys, does what she’s told, doesn’t cause any trouble.. gets good grades and as an adult she has a good job” Anwar goes on to say “that is what gave us the attention and validation that we need. STOP 🛑 being a “good daughter”” We need to learn how to be a good ✨woman ✨ to find true love in dating. “A good girlfriend stresses her man out.. a good girlfriend does what she wants and speaks up”

[@NicoTNN]

yes ...do the extra video on this! just reading the title alone of this clip illuminated a thought I haven't considered. but I totally agree with it.

[@inninenahhaurxt9176]

I 100% agree with this however some of us are literally caregivers/ caretakers as daughters it's so nuanced.

[@ravenfarrell4522]

❤❤❤i love it yes pls more in depth videos on this topic!

[@jayj.4564]

Definitely would like to see you elaborate on this topic. Tired of being in relationships where the guy believed I was the one, then he later realized I wasn't "stressing him out" because I didn't know how. Wow, Good Daughter syndrome has been quite detrimental in my past relationships. Truly looking to learn and grow because I really want to become the woman I need to be. #workingonme

[@foogo100]

My lord, that hit DEEP

[@alilsunshine7172]

, more on this topic, please! I may seek your individual services... you're really on to something!!

[@MidtwnMedia]

Why did this come up exactly as I was thinking about it lol!!!! Thank you 🙏

[@Djsertraline]

Have I found my people? This year I realized I didn't want my identity tied up in being a sister or daughter.

[@MsDixon-21]

Yes, please go deeper on this topic! ❤❤

[@Rochelle-tf6si]

This is interesting because I was just telling my husband our daughter should not move back home when she gradutes from college in 26. I don't want her comfortable and I don't want the drama of her not keeping the house like I want and my expectations will be greater. She has been on her own part time because she lives in the dorms 45 minutes away. One thing my daughter 20 and 17 stand there ground with me. Honestly in many instances they are right and I respect them for standing their ground with me because that's what I have taught them.

[@cmj-js5lj]

OMG😩😩 This video randomly popped up in my feed. I don't even know you, but you just read me in under 4 mins. Gotta get it together

[@n0426]

Wow sir! This is legit information. Please make a more detailed longer video. I have grown up as a young child to be pleasant to my borderline mother. She passed away and I had to go no contact with my narcissist father. I have gone through years of grief to the childhood I couldn’t have. I never knew how it would feel as a daughter in the eyes of a man. I still had good uncles but that was just not enough! I knew that guys treated me in a different way and i will never have the parental love out of them. They will never see me for the girl i am but as a woman. I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing but i am really sad. 😔

[@kv2723]

Holy cow! This is deep. Especially as the adult daughter of an alcoholic (my dad stopped drinking 16 yrs ago), and an only child, I've realized I was trying to make things ok for my mom, holding everything inside, acting like I was fine even though I was traumatized inside, cracking jokes trying to ease the tension. I had a sense deep inside that I was responsible for everything - things that a kid is not responsible for. But I felt like I had to make things ok for everyone. I'm gonna be doing some thinking about this for a while! Thank you! ❤

[@wonderingheights]

I’m 39, going to turn 40 soon. I’m in therapy bc of the two people who brought me into this world. Just now learning to center myself.

[@RockinRedbyrd]

I love watching your vids. From my many past relationships, I wish I had your advice when I was younger. So Thank you 😊 I can see you having your own show if you don't already.

[@ThePresentTimeNow]

I need the video on this topic because I’m in a situation where Im trapped in a living situation whereas I can’t move or relocate because I’m tied to an arrangement with my mom. I’ve been a door mat, people pleaser, and coddler for my mom for a very very long time and I’m in my 30s. I need to move on. I have no family of my own. I’ve reached a wall of stagnation. How can I move with fear my mom cannot afford the bills? I was belittled because as a 30 year old woman, I decided to date. I was said to have been desperate by her because I dated someone. I’ve catered to her all my life, in every way.

[@nikiyasmith4103]

Gurl, move on! Move on with life and create that family of your own, is what I mean. That part of what you said, especially resonated with me - "I have no family of my own". That's exactly what I'm trying to create for myself. So for me, I have that in the center of my mind and soul and I move how I move with dating my guy. I don't care not one bit, how my Mama views it, what she thinks about it, how she feels about it! Easier said then done but Im telling you for your sake and heart's desire - MOVE ON from your Mama!

[@tsholofelojmodise6728]

My self defense is too high. I am on high alert...even when I look calm and carefree.

[@Merathetraveler]

Omg you just fixed my life with this one!!

[@Zaida-d4v]

Ouch. I felt that…and I needed it.

[@gabriela3338]

Absolutely correct, my fiend. Thank you for your time and energy. I so get what your saying✌🏽🧡🤎🤎

[@Danixo02]

This is literally so true and literally opened my third eye. WOW! Please do a video on this!

[@penniye]

Damn. Anwar. You didn’t have to come for me like this

[@Saradazzles88]

🔥🔥🔥 fire advice

[@racheldove748]

Much needed, thank you

[@PerplexinMe]

Please do an extended video! How do you stress a man out, what does this even mean 💜

[@illmeeillmee9373]

Some things are really beyond your control. Culture and religion leave many women "stagnant" so let's not speak from privilege

[@kingbee44]

Ooof, this one ate me up. I booked my call!

[@ml07]

Please I don’t want to be this! 😂 I am 💯 daughter/ mother figure and I handle and take charge always. So being the 5steps ahead and the observing individual that I am, this hit me recently and now you have confirmed it. It’s like God himself sent you to break my ways 😂

[@rensii-e8b]

And some parents are selfish and they know what they’re doing

[@TheAdrienne8585]

Anwar be snatching wigs every week.

[@Panzer5000]

Yes do a video on it pls!

[@saturdayschild8535]

I individuated pretty quickly from my mom. Living with her unnecessary competition killed our relationship.

[@siobhanh6227]

Preach preach ❤

[@osunyeye]

Thank you.

[@rickimcfarland2269]

Yes do a full video on this ❤❤❤❤

[@Dancindevotion]

You really are our Fairy Godbrother 🫶🏽🙌🏽🧚🏽

[@angelface333]

2:26 🙌🏾💓🎀

[@AlyssaADUB1D]

OOOF I NEEDED THIS.

[@MzLena2You]

“Daughters” are sounding like “Pick me’s”…..

[@ThePresentTimeNow]

The medicine I didn’t know I needed. I need to book a call, immediately.

[@queenlewi]

Yes! More of this!! AnwARRR, you got them gems😰

[@ldavis7871]

Yes please do a video about this thank you so much