Why you SHOULDN'T follow what 'feels good'

[@Alassandros]

Man... This sounds so much like my ex-gf. Unfortunately, she never sought help and ultimately left me when we were planning to start a family and new life in a new country. I don't know if she ever got help, but I pray for her healing. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone else. I still do. I miss and dream of her everyday. I'll never fully understand why she left when she still loved me.

[@Adam326]

This video might have saved my relationship and actually changed my life. Thank you

[@silverandcoldone]

Hey Pauline, I've been binge-watching your videos for about a month now because they bring me a lot of solace in a whirlwind of a breakup. I'm a securely attached woman who was dating this 26 yo fearful avoidant man that I thought was everything I wanted. I had been aware of attachment theory before him, with me - second date is actually them taking an attachment style quiz so that I know what to expect and help us both navigate it. That relationship was good, great even, my nervous system was so calm around him. Until he started sabotaging our relationship. Most of his sabotage I deflected, I reasoned with him about, but then the things he would say or do, the intrusive thoughts that needn't have been said or being late and unreachable for hours, started to get to me and make me anxious. He lives his life like an adolescent, his mother is very enmeshed with him and controlling (to the point he cant wear an earring she doesnt like...). I made the mistake of agreeing to finally meet his parents at 3 month mark and he broke up with me the next week - I believe his mother got into his head about me. It was a breakup coming straight from amygdala. I tried to reason with him but he is most definitely addicted to dopamine. When he told me he wasn't in love with me he justified it with all the same beliefs you said you had held - how i must not be the one if he isnt always happy, how he is somehow able to focus on other things without being obsessed with me so it must not be love and how love was a feeling. The final punch was that he said he trusted his mother's intuition. I guess I just want you to know that your videos give me a bittersweet sense of hope that he may one day find peace. He was chaos and I know I was flawed but I also know I was so good for him. I wish he hadn't chosen the familiarity of dysfunction.

[@Alassandros]

This is almost identical to my story except my FA ex was a woman and we were together for nearly 4 years. During the break-up conversation, she said true love shouldn't require work, that she should be with someone who naturally is what she needs and wants so she didn't have to communicate when she needed something or wanted something changed. I'll never forget how she said she fell out of love with me and didn't know why, but still loved and missed me. She added that she had to follow her heart and her heart said she had to be alone. Apparently, being with me gave her anxiety and made her unhappy without her knowing why (yet she hid all this and never told me what she was feeling, even when I asked daily). She also said there wasn't anything wrong with the relationship and that I treated her well, but she felt she couldn't be with me anymore. She left me three days before my birthday and graduation party. We were supposed to get married and start a family. Three months later and I still can't get over the whiplash.

[@aliv83]

Gosh...you're amazing!! Thank you for these clips.

[@FAITHHCHI]

I’m so grateful for stumbling across your channel! Super helpful

[@dudehaley4156]

These videos are so amazing, thank you so much for sharing your healing journey. I really appreciate you doing this work to support other people in growth and connection

[@nikstar1313]

Oh my gosh I did this in my last relationship; I felt like I had one foot out the door the whole time… I was dumped by him egg catalysed this whole journey 4 years ago. I’m too scared to get close to anyone in any way.. you are the best Paulien xx

[@_memo71_]

I wish I could like this video twice! I legit feel like you were talking about me throughout this video. Great content!

[@pahuljica7133]

Pauline, you look like an angel and you talk like an angel. 😇⭐Listening to you right now, just before going to sleep is my lullaby. I hear so much wisdom coming out of your mouth and no wonder you feel so passionate about the topic, I fully reasonate with all you're saying. I used to be so triggered when my friends told me about their love stories, the passion and everything, it took me a long time to realize that that is not me, or at least not my path to get there, because I am not the type to fully surrender, to fall in love without a second thought and I don't have to be them for my love story to be worth it. Thank you, Pauline, I admire you so much ♥️♥️♥️

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

This is so incredibly sweet, and I absolutely love your last line. 'I don't have to be them for my love story to be worth it.' That is so very true. I'm so happy you are here!

[@anitayougotit]

Thank you sooo much, this makes so much sense! Thank you thank you thank you! It happened to me too. I thought/felt I have to breake up with my former partner and I did. In the end I am greatful for the new experience that came through that, but thanks to you a few months after I found out, that I have that fearful avoidant style and that changed my whole perspektive and I could start my healing journey.

[@ZoeMaier]

So curious as to what ended up happening for you?

[@laksuh6926]

Whenever I feel dopamine while dating someone I know it won't work out. Whenever I feel guilty when dating someone I know it can work out but I am the reason it won't

[@yuiitodoro7791]

Lol 😅

[@Tam438]

Finding your channel so helpful! 🙏🙏

[@eliwilliamson7849]

Oh, this is so accurate!

[@amitaF7]

Dankjewel Paulien 💚💚💚

[@haihai5293]

Love your work. After you went trought fearfull avoidant you become almost like spiritual master or a mini budda...

[@ericadams6804]

I know the exact feeling your talking about.

[@aciddiver1978]

Seems like everyone but me, gets better.

[@TimeWaveOfficial]

does no contact work on fearful avoidant? i know it is for me to heal, but i want my other FA ex gf back (she threw 10 years away because she loved me but had no feelings anymore, btw she monkeybranched and she broke up)

[@nu8383]

@TimeWave can you please tell me what you mean by she loved you but had no feelings anymore? i guess it can help me understand my situation a bit....thanx!

[@TimeWaveOfficial]

@@nu8383 as she went out of the door she said "she loves me, but love isnt enough and she didnt have the feelings for me anymore"

[@alexissashanicolle8675]

I had a similar experience with my ex who said, “he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me”. Started very pursuant and then he basically went cold and distant. I was shell shocked!

[@sunbeam9222]

That's when them looney people think one can stay in love with butterflies in the stomach for a lifetime with their partner. They want a never-ending fantasy.

[@alexissashanicolle8675]

@@sunbeam9222 so very well said!

[@valeweathers]

Your titles can be SO scary and sometimes I'm afraid I'll get triggered. But I should know better by now.

[@katehikes9696]

Same here!

[@TirsaTalks]

me too!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ah they are never meant to be scary! But either way, the video's are safe to watch :)

[@valeweathers]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 always safe :)

[@JeannineIsaksen]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 For me the Titles are perfect 🙃 They finally say things in a way that make sense to me unlike all the romantic movies and songs that you see and hear everywhere (Which often just trigger me and make me feel miserable).

[@katehikes9696]

Powerful! Thank you 🏵

[@naomiuchiha0906]

But...I wanna feel dopamine 😭

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

There are healthy ways to feel dopamine! And there is also a way to not NEED to feel dopamine, while living an amazing, fulfilling life :)