Why You Want Them MORE When They’re “Not Sure” About You…

[@justynas1167]

Indecisive people focus on making the perfect decision, decisive people focus on making their decision work.

[@igatti9923]

Anytime someone plays hard to get or is intrinsically avoidant and evanescent , be them partners/potential partners or simply friends, I cut them loose. I feel disrespected and disappointed so I avoid them at every level. Even when they reach out I politely say “no” or I remain silent. Once I realize that they made me run the risk of entering the chaser energy again, in my mind I switch lifeline and I am gone. I learned it with time.

[@mhill88ify]

I think it's a self-love thing too. If you love yourself, you'll allow yourself to have what you want. If you don't, you'll get stuck playing games, because you accept it and feel you deserve it.

[@ApostleThe344]

Exactly.... the healed ones are always giving and wanting to learn then these ass holes bread crumb us and then make us feel embarrassed as they leave us. It sucks bad

[@lisahurst1940]

Thanks Matt! This is spot on! The hardest part is seeing this in your own self. If you have a tendency to be a “saver,” a “fixer,” or “do for others before your own self.” You can fall in to this trap really easily. Great advice!

[@Idontgothatway]

If someone’s not for you then whatever lol there’s so many people. Wish them well and trust that you will end up with the right person. Besides, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t like you? You’re awesome.

[@Elizabeth-pn4ug]

I'm awesome ❤

[@Jenzoleigh]

This is a very insightful perspective. But I would add that you can identify qualities you're looking for in someone who's not sure about you. Now this is someone you respect and feel attracted to, who is denying you validation - which also makes you want it more. It's so important to work on the relationship you have with yourself... so that you can move on with your own value intact.

[@sentientAl]

Thank you for making a video on this more specific/nuanced topic. I am pretty sure I am avoidant but also feel anxious when the guy shows less interest.

[@audra1976oliver]

That's true. We spend so much time questioning why someone would or does like us and not enough time being intuitive to why do we really like someone. We would rather feel the need to chase as a way to feel adventurous and alive. Really though, we need others to also make us feel that way without us trying to convince someone we are the one or we are worthy. It's sad. I've done this a couple of times in my life and it failed miserably.

[@coolbreeze5683]

I notice a difference from my single days to when I started dating someone and got married. I'm definitely treated differently as a married person. More people in general approach me now and especially men. I show disinterest but it's almost like a child when you put away a toy they aren't playing with and all of a sudden they want it. It's pretty sad to compare people to objects but that's how humans treat eachother sometimes. I know their interest has nothing to do with me but whatever image or assumptions they made up in their head based on unattainability, scarcity or possibly a sense of challenge.

[@aniapalus9530]

Totally see it. I'm only taken but somehow people try to get my attention even when I'm with my boyfriend literally next to me. DM me out of the blue. Offering me drinks etc. Joking I'm not yet married (no ring on my finger). When I was single I was treated differently. I hate this so much.

[@coolbreeze5683]

@@aniapalus9530 it's strange because I'm the same person I was when I was single but there's that feeling of being re-defined by others because of having a partner.

[@Kristijunes]

People call it chasing but to someone who wants to know the person's ability to love you back, you give them chances to see all parts of you and see, if they can fully accept you. The problem of the dating world now adays, people are too scared, weak and broken to start again and love like they were never hurt. We allow the society, status and lies to dictate who we should choose, and they settle to what is already easy and available but is full of internal regret. Nobody's chasing people, they are after the truth. When it's vague, unclear and inconsistent, the response will look like they are chasing after you but in reality, they are searching for specific answers. We are all dying to meet someone who has the same heart as us, and it will be unfortunate to die without meeting and being with the same, one. We can all go round in circles, but we know it's totally different experiences when you're with the right person. I have realized that choosing people who chose you is not enough, it doesn't make them right for us. it's the reason why most relationship and marriages fail with so much unfulfillment. Love is divine and it can't be fathom. But you'll understand it when it reflects the light and heart of God in you. If there's a system, it's just Science, games and human's pursuit of happiness. That kind of love won't satisfy me. I was not wired to be scientifically explored. I am a divine being, and my nerves will be searching for something unimaginable like that.

[@tristamarie7115]

My friend and I were just talking about this yesterday and I think the anxious/avoidant is situational. I was telling her I've realized if you like the other person/emotions invested, you'll more likely be anxious (if the other person is avoidant), but if no emotions, you may be avoidant.

[@taghazoutmoon5031]

Exactly. It's not really an attachment style. It's normal to feel anxious when you're attracted to someone who's hot and cold with you.

[@magalilinda9897]

I think that when we doubt about the person who is in to us it's coz we don't love ourselves,so we don't understand why someone is in to us...we chase the one not interested coz that's how we feel about ourselves...

[@nihalsturm2008]

Oh my goodness, I literally started crying when I saw this video. It is exactly what is happening to me right now. A few months ago I got my heart broken so badly by someone who was not sure about me. And now this girl is opening up to me and I feel so unsure and it makes me feel guilty. I don't want to encourage her, just because I want to see what might happen. If I might fall in love. Because I know how it feel to get my heart broken and I don't want it for anyone. I am so scared to hurt her unintentionally. Thank you so much for explaining this. It probably sound much more simple than it is, but maybe it will help for me to figure out what I am looking for in a relationship. And to just be aware that my mind is looking for flaws rather than considering everything that feels right. In my experience it helps to be aware of a pattern. Thank you for outlining it😊😊

[@ireefree2024]

That happened to me as well. Many years ago... I always chaised the guy who runs away from me. And even the last one lied and cheated. Than I met my now husband and in the beginning I had thousands of reasons why he's wrong for me and I just saw ever little flaw ( real or unreal) of him and it was exhausting. But I started a relationship with him because deep down I had a feeling for him although he was not running away and the complete opposite of my ex or any man before. After a while I made therapy and many things are grounded in my childhood. Total avoiding relationship style, but after a lot of work I found piece with myself. And saw my boyfriend than, now husband from every perspective also the good ones. I thank god that I don't followed my instincts at the beginning. It wasn't easy for my husband. He's my hero ❤. Now, I'm completely sure and relaxed... no more guessing. We're more than 4 years together and 2 years married 😊 It depends, do you feel something real deep down? And do you just sabotaging yourself or not. Only you can know that 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@nihalsturm2008]

@@ireefree2024 aww thats really sweet😇 thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I'm still very young, so I don't really have my life figured out yet (which isn't a bad thing necessarily). And I just love learning and growing and hearing others stories. I'm really happy for you that it worked out😊

[@ireefree2024]

@@nihalsturm2008 You're welcome 😊 As you're young it's even better when you are aware of things. Lot's of bad experiences isn't the best things in life. I wish you all the best ♥️

[@evas214]

It’s called the disorganised attachment style , it has both anxious and avoidant tendencies.

[@evas214]

@dinahn6955 with all due respect, but disorganised attachment is seen in up to 40% of the population, so there is no need to stigmatise it and make a big deal out of it. It’s a spectrum like most things.

[@glamourbycharity]

This is DEFINITELY my problem glad I'm not alone. Haha😅

[@Jess-hk6vv]

This is tough to admit but so true and I am that person , always get attracted to avoidant behaviour and feel that something is wrong with that person who turns back and likes me , I be joining your retreat , Matt . Thanks for this valuable information. 🙏🙌🏽❤

[@Itsmayy637]

Yes. this is deep. Break down the emotions and going deep within how you feel about someone and what they make you feel helps you find the answer and where yourself of content is and helps you where you go and do best for yourself. ❤🌸

[@alaalfa8839]

I think it's about enjoying the present moment... more than thinking about tomorrow...then the magic probably happens that the mind is free.

[@Berr3631]

Dear Matthew you never disappoint, I've been doing this my whole life and in 8 minutes you have changed a life time of habits that has kept me single..Thank you now I KNOW what to do and apply this way from now on I will let you know when love finds me..God bless you and everyone around you.❤..

[@jessicachan1849]

Such good insight on new leader and follower concepts.needed this, thank you

[@jay-2534]

That is always in my mind . Followers not knowing what they want , someone attracted them and they keep chasing thinking that the person must be good if not he/ she is hard to get , thinking that there must be someone valuable in them. In fact it is the opposite sometimes , those are really rubbish people.

[@northshorelight35]

I do want to find love again but at my stage in life, it's too complicated. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I know that I'll have no choice but to live on alone. Yet, I will feel like there is something missing in my life.

[@camuyana]

We are total opposites but when we recently finally met it was like if nobody else was in the crowded room. I took so long to divorce and did not want to get involved with anybody, and now he is in a relationship. I will not cause any interruption between them.

[@Isiltarie]

Thx for making videos in the old style (mh alone), w/ new contents. I've likes this style of MH videos for years

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

We might have had a caregiver we had to "win" their affection from

[@Rachel-np7io]

This is me 100%. It’s frustrating and makes me not want to bother with dating. So I take a break and then dip in again and the cycle repeats.

[@roxanne3259]

This just popped up on my notifications!! Kismit. I had a date with a guy nearly 2 weeks ago. I wasn’t sure but would have give him another chance. Since we have kept texting, flirting being playful but no mention of a second date! I’ve kind of eluded to some times I’m free but nothing! It’s getting frustrating

[@clairewolf6013]

You've helped me so much to stay out of sticky situations. Btw, that's a really nice shirt, Matthew.

[@helgahaa]

The prob too is that you dont know if the man you turn down is a nutter and going to ruin your life. In a way to be rejected is literally safer because I know I can take "no" for an answer!

[@Scarage21]

If you identify with this but feel like it's a truly chronic issue, you're probably a fearful-avoidant type like me. I appreciate the tips he gives in the video, but if you've had a hard childhood and are neither able to trust yourself nor other people, 6 days in a retreat will not change too much. Rather, looking into this 4th dysregulated attachment type may be a good idea. Heidi Priebe has a ton of really helpful videos on the topic and truly helped me turn around my life.

[@benjaminbonsu82]

So here is my experience on this. There was this girl that was my crush and find my self blushing everything she looks at me, But not knowing she also had feelings for me. It became known to me when her friend told me that she likes me, 😮 I was so confused and happy 😊 I immediately began to look down on her and all the blushing seized, I began to see her flaws and notice that she is not that perfect as I see her to be prior to what her friend told me. This is so true if you are in the chasing zone you are actually blinded, and if you are been chased you look down on the one chasing you. This is so bad and it is one of the reasons marriages can last for long. Thank you so much for uncovering this hint❤

[@starrysky2223]

You will never know anyone completely. The goal is to know yourself enough so that all judgements and decisions keep you in a neutral, happy place of mind. Focusing in myself and my own flaws/traumas and distorted behaviors is getting me there. Funny thing is… as you grow many others fall away as they don’t always vibe anymore. Like car hopping on a freeway. 🚗😂👈 Hello I have a heathy Autobahn. Want to join? Keep up and drive smoothly!!

[@Ginger_J79]

What do you do after turning to that person and telling them how you feel, but they need to think about it. What does that mean and how do you handle it with grace?

[@Gabriele1996-u6f]

I have been on the other side of this. People who think if you like them there must be something wrong with you. It is from low esteem. ' I don't want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member' ... It is self loathing

[@marilynoverton8142]

Such beneficial content. Thank you so much, Matthew!

[@malabuha]

This just reminded me of my early school years, little cliques impossible to get in, weird boys who never wanted to hang out as if i had corona virus and the one little kid from the last house in the street coming over again and again to play but i was never in the mood for her company because I was always looking up to those who didn't want to hang out 😅 wow!!

[@danielteiser626]

What if you exactly know what you want in a partner but never find that person? And those you think would be right are still not interested? And you keep trying with people that are interested in you but you just know it's not right?

[@aniapalus9530]

Happens a lot :(

[@exchangAscribe]

what you want in a partner may not be exist to the degree you think then. there may not be people that have the combination of traits youre thinking of; or they may exist, but are extremely rare and every other girl wants them (so its much harder to be with them). thats what comes to mind to me because those sorts of standards have been placed onto me many times and it hurts.

[@Isiltarie]

4:45 very interesting; his ideas and analogies are very good

[@clairexxx0405]

Thank you Matthew I needed to see this video today.

[@nulusan]

I told you so! -Sincerely, your intuition

[@ona8938]

I have been running someone for a very long time. Finally I told him to end thid. He did not even respond. Chasing someone is pointless and drains our energy.

[@paniwiosna2560]

I know what i want so I AM alone because MEN i meet don't know...

[@aishakiremera2925]

You know that you have healed when you don't watch Mathew videos anymore...this guy here is the best in making sure you move on! Only if u put his advices to action.

[@RN-fx3zl]

This blew my mind why am I only attracted to problems I just want to be happy with a girl who gets me that I can make breakfast for and go travelling with.

[@EdelweisSusie]

Can’t wait for the session once he’s married Audrey, she’s churned out a couple of kids and divorced him so millionaire Matthew will have to support them all for life - now THAT’S a course I’d fly to Florida for, to see what happens next…..,,,

[@sarahhey8654]

You attract what you are vibrating energetically. So if you are holding unconscious judgement and being avoidant towards people who want you but you don't want them and leaving them anxious ...then you will magnetize the exact same kind of avoidant people who want other people but don't want you leaving you anxious. Do the inner work to break the cycle and attract a secure partner.

[@SP-fk9vp]

I don't want anyone right now, my life is too complicated. My sister thinks i will find a relationship when i least expect it. The challanging part for me is i perfer someone who has children and does' nt want more. Some one who is a protector and strong would be nice. For now i need to focus on my future and moving and finding a career i will love and enjoy that provides a really good income.

[@MissMarceline-wp6oq]

I am staying single.

[@eulenkaese]

wtf, why is he talking about me without asking.

[@veggieaussiechick]

I met a guy but he keeps running away, although he’s still trying to woe me which is making my emotions go up and down

[@Samara077]

Look what your dealing with now is what it will be in a marriage; run !! You will get something way better

[@Mayfloweralways]

@@Samara077 yes! A thousand times. There’s that thing we do to say “ other people don’t know him. They don’t understand how great everything could be. They don’t understand how i feel about him.” I wish someone had told me years ago that it matters so much more how he feels about and treats you- and how he shows it. Because he doesn’t raise the bar for you later. If it starts low, it says there.

[@veggieaussiechick]

@@Samara077 I'm not really waiting around though to be honest, I'm not gettting sucked back in unless he's serious about committing. I'm focusing on my new job atm which is helping quite a bit.

[@MatthewHusseyFans]

⤴️

[@s3rit661]

It's called "FOMO", Fear of missing out

[@funnygirlever]

Trying to figure this out and stop showing and chasing unwanted people.

[@abigailroque7302]

Thank you this came at the perfect time ❤

[@alaalfa8839]

It's better to have first some friendship....but it's not always possible. But I think women like challenges and being a bit pursued, but in an attachment-detachment style like pretending friendship...with humor. or maybe using the right words helps turns them on, saying some compliments...but I think probably clothes do a lot of work too. that he is elegant etc. Maybe as you say in other videos also the body language and the space is important he/she shouldn't go too close. but there should be some distance. Its because our subconscious mind is wired in a certain way, in order to protect us, therefore we feel confused.

[@therippleeffect1983]

Thank you Matthew and your great channel 😃🧠❤️🙏🏾

[@NatalieZii]

Helpful as always.

[@coleferguson8971]

Thank you I didn't know I need this video but I really did I hope you have a great Day ⚡✌️

[@MekonenMeteor123]

nailed it kid ! well said

[@northshorelight35]

No, I'm just tired of the bullshit. My husband was the only person who was ever consistent and gave me a sense of calm. No mind games, no bullshit, no nonsense. He never gave me too much hope nor did he give me a lot of doubt. I won't chase a guy because it's all just mind games. And I won't reciprocate if a guy does too much pursuing because I've been burned before.

[@anaasma989]

Now Matthew confused me, really?! I’ve been a leader whole my life, at work or community, but in terms of love? I still value wrong men into my life🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Andrew_Price]

Okay, Matthew. I've been following your work for a while and I'm always impressed at how you breakdown patterns of behavior and how to tackle them. I wish I could pay for a one on one session to ask some of my own questions but I guess I'll start here: i know you mostly speak from the female perspective, but as a guy, how do you approach a woman who seems to be very cold and unresponsive to being approached? I don't really like texts and I found they can be very minimalist and dismissive in conversation. It could be a sign they don't like me but how do I get to that without asking directly? 🤔

[@fabpanda9853]

Just ask directly. If it's a no, you can stop wasting your time.

[@jay-2534]

U are smart . This psychology is interesting .

[@EC-yl7xk]

Nailed it.

[@renewebbie2513]

Would be lovely to go to Florida but can't come over. too far and expensive for me right now. However, when are you coming over to Europe?

[@stutijain8756]

Matthew what is let's see in dating

[@shwetajha8031]

Hi mathew my partner left me 10 yrs of relationship it was and he just left me 2 nd time , did no contact and everything . And everytime he breaks he have ppl around like friends and everything and he moves on and I don’t

[@lsls-lb7qv]

What do you guys think. I had a new manager last year. He was separated from his wife ( very ugly separation, not divorced, yet). He got a new girlfriend, they used to work together when he was still married. So anyway he started a new job where i happened to work. Felt for me ( he was trying not show bc he was my boss) but I sensed it. When he saw me very first time, I will never forget the way he looked at me. He had this puzzled looked, like he saw a ghost. Staring at me. It almost looked like it was love at the first sight for him. t least that kind of look you see in movies. I never forget this looked. I was puzzled too. He was trying to hide his feelings. I have to give him respect. We had work related relationship. He was my boss. He never crossed that line. He was afraid of his feelings. I could tell. But then 7 months later he suddenly quits this job. It did not worked out for him, problems with his own bosses. I was not aware at all ( I am a small person at this company and have no idea what is going on behind closed doors at my bosses’ offices ) that he was leaving and putted his 2 weeks. He saw me at work at his very last day ( I was not aware it was his last day either ). He did not say a word that he was leaving. He acted like it was his normal day. Even though he has opportunity to say something to me on his last day. We saw each other all day long. He even saw me 10Min before my shift was over in the hallway. Just walked by me without any emotions. Cold and stoic. That was it. It kind of hurt my feelings. We had no problems with one another. Just casual, work related conversations. Just both being professional. He always controlled himself around me. I felt it was very hard for him at times. I thought he could at least thank me for working with him bc he was my boss after all. But he just left abruptly like I was not even excited. That cold, stoic look all I remember in that hallway. Like he never knew me. When he walked by. Has been 6 months. Never heard from him. I am trying to figure out what was it all about? Can anyone help me with this? Thank you

[@nicolecato634]

Never doing this again

[@losARACHIS]

Do you ever come to Australia?

[@natalfeather6893]

Thanks Matt, I guess it will full of woman....would be nice if there was a balance of female and male energies?

[@jameswarrington4885]

Very true

[@TundeEszlari]

Awesome video.

[@Shubra-thor]

love you 3000 times brother

[@mindfulmovesmorgan]

This is your best video

[@jessicacentral4688]

Yup true

[@resuchron]

It's not the case with some of us though. Because I have the same pattern you describe, only the guys that like me are guys I don't find physically attractive. The reason I believe that is the underlying reason is because I had X-boyfriends who liked me back whom I was not repulsed by for liking me. I was happy they did. I think the low self-esteem or worth scenario applies to less people. At least speaking for myself it is 80% of the time, physical and social attraction. I don't know if other women who read this would relate.

[@SarahBurnette1007]

I didn't see a price for the retreat listed. Can you give us a ballpark figure?

[@bianca-mhteam6237]

Hey Sarah ❤ please email our Support Team at [e-mail] and they’ll connect you with our lovely Retreat Specialists so they can give you the price 🤗 -Bianca, MH team

[@paula3569]

Hey Matthew👋 I coud really need your advice. I recently moved in a new WG and the guy I'm gonne live with for a few months is cleanly in to me. But I'm not interested in him in that way. Friends probably but not more. Him flirting with me feels a bit anconftebel to me because I'm not interessant in him in that way but I also don't wanne hirt him. And I'm afraid that my living situation could become difficult. How can I become clear with him without being rude? Thank you for your vidios❤ And have a great day Paula

[@rajatsaxena6470]

Thanks

[@leahnanjala3927]

True

[@bektiller1622]

Lovevyou sp much! Wish i could draw you an Ikea like book@ ❤

[@RivitaMusic]

So good

[@theresachung703]

Smart

[@vickyboi6998]

"Boys only want love if it's torture." - Taylor Swift

[@Mishkaa17]

Merci❤

[@akromhossain9324]

Sir I'm having suicidal thoughts Infact I was about to jump of the window right now I am feelings like I'm about to die out of anxiety and guilt

[@ApostleThe344]

Never want someone more than they want you men. They always run.

[@ladyinred3735]

I don't know. For me, it is less about "if they like me, I don't like them and if they don't like me, I don't like them" but more about the qualities of the people who tend to like me and the qualities of the person who do not like me. It is so disappointing. E.g The ones who like me are slackers, non-ambitious guys.. But the ones I like are driven, hard-working guys.. but they don't like me.

[@funnygirlever]

I don't want this guy. Why do I want him when he is disrespecting me and clearly show me that I'm not shit to him. His words may say nice words and sound like he likes me and care but his damn actions says he doesn't give a fk. So I do I stop liking him, contacting him, replying to him, being nice. I so want it to stop. So I'm going to work harder to stop contact and move on in peace. I so deserve better.

[@momione11]

Fearfulavoidant.

[@ffrr952]

Can we get back the long haired Matthew ?

[@lordbeerus6182]

Damn thjs is to a tee

[@Andrea-Rose]

💚💚💚

[@allenmciver1888]

This is why Players are successful. They date a bunch of girls and then turn away. The ones who chase back matter, the rest don't.

[@sovanndaily9194]

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

LITERALLY MY LIFE

[@akromhossain9324]

Sir I'm having suicidal thoughts Infact I was about to jump of the window right now I am feelings like I'm about to die out of anxiety and guilt

[@ona8938]

Do not do this.

[@akromhossain9324]

@@ona8938 I'm trying to coup up but slowly it is getting harder and harder