Why Young Men Are Falling Behind

[@DohertyT2319]

The most freeing thing a guy can do is realize no one cares about you and no one’s coming to save you. You are in control of what you are in control of. I thought you’re really really powerful thing when you break it down.

[@brianmeen2158]

But if you are a guy with social skills and decent value then there will be some that care about him. This notion that keeps getting repeated “society hates men!” Needs to die already as it’s nonsense. I do not like the victimhood mindset that men are adopting as that only leads to very bad things

[@spacecat8511]

@@brianmeen2158yes. This. Men need to understand /why/ women and others who don’t identify as men are choosing to shift their focus from “get romantic relationships with men, give men all the decision making power” to “actually? We’re fine on our own, we have power too that we’re taking back, and also men Do Better.” It’s not from a place of hate; it’s from a place of being fed up with not being treated as autonomous and equal when they always should have been-and some of the loudest voices can sometimes be those who are infuriated and yes sometimes mean BUT what’s the sentiment behind it? It’s no more “man hate” than “lesbians steal women from men.” Both sentiments are utterly absurd yet so commonly promoted by men feeling sorry for themselves instead of…realizing they’re Also autonomous and equal humans in charge of their own continued growth once they reach adulthood, same as everyone else.

[@doctordelatierra]

That is such a bold faced lie. I agree entirely that no one is coming to save you - I.e. no one is going to hand you a beautiful, meaningful, joy filled life. That doesn’t mean people won’t help you build that life. That also doesn’t mean no one cares about you. If no one cared about men Connor wouldn’t be making ManTalks. Chris Williamson wouldn’t be putting out his podcasts. There wouldn’t be young men starting mens groups across the world… you get the point. People do care about you, but they are only able to help you stand on your own feet if you’re willing to do that yourself. I wouldn’t be half the man I am today without all of the people who have supported me along my journey. If you don’t have people who care about you you’re either hanging out with the wrong people or not paying attention. Telling other men that no one cares about them is a destructive message that doesn’t help anything. It’s also just flat out wrong. It’s a denial of the interconnected nature of reality. Yes, young men should stand up and be brave and accountable for their life, but we should also seek help and guidance from our community because we are social animals. The lone wolf dies in the night. The pack keeps each other warm.

[@nataliemmmmma]

This is true for any adult it's called growing up - you have to stand kn your own feet if you're GROWN

[@Bob-kn7nc]

@doctordelatierra That’s simply not true, when men say “we’re alone” they mean by default we’re alone; your answer simply operates on idealism and assumes that people are cared about by default, everyone is alone in this world, it’s just women are more coddled than men, and men just prefer it that way to be left alone, we don’t need a “pack” anymore, no one is coming to help and that’s fine, we don’t want it

[@Denise-m6x3i]

Not a man but totally enjoy your videos. Very thoughtful and informative. I wish there more men like you to talk to. My son had an emotionally absent father. It has affected him greatly. I had to be the one to encourage him to take risks, seek help when needed and get back up every time he got knocked down. I also encourage physical fitness and mental health. You are definitely on point. Glad you are committed to preparing your son and helping others.

[@jakemason4801]

I went on a half hour walk on my lunch break instead of running to the gas station for bullshit. Thanks for the inspiration 💪

[@jcronin3155]

The only flaw in this is narrowing the issue down to young men only. The generally forgotten demographic of men over 40 are the ones killing themselves and struggling the most.

[@ManTalks]

This is also true. The data they were referring to was just based on 25-34, but I agree about men over 40.

[@gaberealgaminggrg4768]

That disconnect with your body is real. I had an unexpected pregnancy with my girlfriend in the very beginning of our relationship and because I had no real men in my life to help me through that OF COURSE I spiraled outta control and lost myself. We argued and fought so much about everything that eventually I started to resent her to the point that I don’t want to have sex anymore. Now my son is here and I couldn’t love him more but we still are both trying to heal from what’s happened and what’s been said. I can only imagine how things woulda played out if I had more (if any) positive male role models in my life. I wouldn’t be stuck learning to love myself and my girlfriend again.

[@ketakeev]

Sending you strength to heal with your family. We all make mistakes and the most important thing is that you reflected, realised the damage, and are willing to put things back together. Rupture (and repair) in relationship is just inevitable

[@doctordelatierra]

I’m 25. Turn 26 in April. At 18 I joined the army. Went to basic training, completed airborne school, passed selection to join the 75th Ranger Regiment and spent four years playing soldier. Got out, went to Colorado state to study how to make beer, hated it, dropped out after half a semester. Took a gap year, really more like six months, and started school again studying regenerative agriculture. The main reason I started school again is because I was running out of money and I realized I had three options - crawl back to the army with my tail between my legs and brace myself for 16 years of misery and a consistent paycheck/retirement, go work manual labor jobs with no real chance of upward career progression, or go back to school on my GI bill and get paid to go to school. In July I will be starting a masters program in landscape architecture and I will eventually combine high level design work with all of my knowledge about regenerative systems and ecology. I won’t graduate that program until I’m 29, but I know in my bones I’m on the right track. I wake up every day and study how to make the earth livable for all beings. Right now I live at home with my parents and it’s a huge blessing. Yeah, if I was trying to date people right now it might cramp my style a bit, but I’m not. I’m focusing on myself and my path… and I’m saving ass loads of money living at home. If all of the guys sitting in their rooms or basements playing video games, not working, started learning how to heal the earth their malaise would vanish. Want to know how to have a life worth living? Build it. That’s the answer. If you want meaningful work, begin working on meaningful shit. You want a girlfriend, build a life that others want to be a part of. You want hope for the future - BUILD A FUTURE THAT IS HOPEFUL. None of these things happen if you sit on your ass. The world will pass you by and the men who understand this will build the life you dream of with the time you’re wasting.

[@doctordelatierra]

My permaculture design teacher once told me, “if you know how to turn deserts into oases, you will never be without a job.” Go study permaculture design. Go study regenerative agriculture. Go to school. Become someone who is capable of literally making the world a more beautiful place. Lord knows we need more people focused on healing and regenerative degraded ecosystems.

[@bobthegamer1880]

I decided to go back to college and thankfully I am close to graduating and I kid you not, in all the classes that I have taken so far the vast majority of my classmates are females it’s astounding how men are just not attending college.

[@littlebilly8747]

If you find the right therapist, it can be huge. I started seeing one (a man) earlier this year, and he has helped me get out of a downward spiral I was on for many years

[@sunfluerdesigns]

I fully appreciate the perspective. Women need to listen up… We all need to be supportive of each other. As another said, every age can benefit. Thank you.

[@krankvegann]

I do feel like there's too many guys (including me) who are unironically terrified at just being possibly rejected or failing at something. Talking and asking a woman out is a very good example. Also because of technology now it's way easier to just not take those risks and stay inside comfort zones (why talk to a girl if i can "simulate" talking to them in a video game or something like that). Alas, we should continue moving foward and pray for the best, thanks for the video!

[@brianmeen2158]

Yeah it scares me how many men are addicted to comfort. I mean, when you refuse to approach women out of fear of them Calling you a name then something is wrong

[@philipc8280]

I know it's become a cliche, but I think every young man should do some cheap solo backpacking travel. It's extremely scary but also the very definition of self reliance. Introduces you to other cultures. Which for me helped shift the frame from "why do women keep doing X" to "why does American culture encourage X"

[@kevinwilliamson9900]

I agree that one should not be bitter towards anyone, and that there is nothing attractive about a victim mentality in either men or women, and especially with men. But I think there needs to be an awareness of and somewhat of a steel resolve to first of all do hard stuff to build competence and self efficacy; and second to avoid with a vengeance women who come close to exhibiting this destructive feminist ideology, focusing instead on women who espouse ones values.

[@kornelcsabatorok4165]

I am beyond greatful for your presence here. As a young man I can relate a lot to your videos and the advices and perspectives I get are spot on. Now it's up to me to take proper action!

[@corinamushika4343]

Great advice Connor, keep it up

[@IsaacB44]

Thanks for speaking up about the problems men face silently Started dating for the first time at 24 via apps and so far there's nothing Silicon Valley has completely ruined the male / female dynamic in a way that makes mens lives intolerable at the mercy of their own biology

[@johnbunzl]

Important to distinguish between individual and collective. True, men shouldn't blame women individually, but now that women are dominant culturally, politically and in many other fields, it is, like it or not, primarily their responsibility as a class to solve the problems that they/feminism created. As men, collectively, our job is to support that process by articulating it. Individually, by contrast, our job is to take responsibility for our own lives, as you suggest.

[@TheMotArt]

What kind of problem has feminism created?

[@Sydebern]

I'm 12-14 hours away from home for work socialising with people. After that, i love being by my self for some hours before i go to sleep. I do however miss having a girlfriend. But the cons far outweighed the pros. Not saying that there is no scenario possible where in the pros outweigh the cons but maaaan as a 39 year old guy in today's dating game. In my occupation i hang around with young women (18 and a bit older) a lot. I actually cannot deal with older women anymore. The joy is out of them, the damage is done, the baggage they hold is unfathomable. Two times i've let that happen. Never again. I'm either finding myself a young 20 something or i'm staying single. I prefer the first, but i'm fine with the second.

[@tribeoffreedude]

Love the new brand details such as the icon MT, the intro and the watermark!

[@sioxz8435]

i would like to say it's important to not do to much att the same time focus on 1 or 2 things att a time and work on those. it's alright if it takes a bit of time

[@Po3try27]

Awesome thanks for putting that out in the world man. Much needed words

[@victorhayes5471]

My personal theory: character and "the greater good" are things that arrive directly after the hard times...when savagery, ferocity, and instinct were the required traits. Perhaps a tad more psychopathy and sociopathy is how men evolve in these times BEFORE entering hard times again.

[@LovingColorado598]

Bad therapy without Solutions is equally damaging to both sexes. Bad therapy is often full of judgment or shame and this happened to my Son. Instead of helping him understand why he was feeling the way he did, why he was self-sabotaging so that he could heal and gain Solutions, he just felt worse.

[@philipc8280]

I recall the first time I ever tried therapy as a 19 year old man. I had never even kissed or hugged a girl at the time, and expressed frustration at my inability to date. her response "I'm not here to give you relationship advice." I never went back

[@contracthit9839]

When women no longer need men...Men become unmotivated in the more critical aspects of life....This has been known for centuries and of course this narrator does not know what this means....

[@reyescristian4358]

women need men a lot, without men everything collapses. We are just encouraging women take over men traditional roles, and we pay that price preferring the social death of men, many have trouble finding work or building social connections. Very few can truly build a family with a nice woman who care about them

[@saigonproducer]

Until the woman hits her 40s and has no man or kids. Reality hits hard then

[@philipc8280]

And those of us men who've taken the time to develop ourselves have absolutely 0 interest in women with such a hateful outlook on men.

[@shirleyhuyett3730]

Exactly 👍🏻

[@dmarc3050]

We have learned how many women think most of us are unattractive looking. No one prepared us to be deemed naturally ugly by society.

[@Isidro-xw7vd]

I get ENRAGED when I see women with ugly men. They don't care about looks, they care about social status and how you present yourself socially. Women are more social than men.

[@brianmeen2158]

Dude get off the internet. Stop watching red and black pill content. The self pity I see from many of you is disturbing . If you think you are unattractive then put effort in to improve things .. wallowing in pity will only make things worse

[@ecclairmayo4153]

That's literally why he said work on your body....😬🫣

[@JosephCollins-mk5ro]

I went to college in 1980… most faculties were predominantly Male. I was upset that Women were not represented . Wow! I did see it coming. Feminism took off and today it’s almost the opposite. No problem with that so much but a lot of Feminism are very rough on Men. I do not like that. But there is little support for my opinion on this where I live. A lot of Men and Women are brought by single Mothers!

[@saigonproducer]

Less going into college isn’t really a bad thing tbh

[@Laphonzae]

It’s not a bad thing IF they have an actual plan

[@fury-2-neon843]

There is a catch to this, in that males can make a lot more money pursuing skilled labor jobs. With a college degree in business you are now qualified to earn minimum wage right out of college and for non-technical degrees outside business you aren't qualified for much of anything. College is not worth what it was in the 1980's. When a journeyman electrician can earn $100 per hour what is the point of pursuing a college degree and spend thousands on an education that provides no earning potential whatsoever. If you go into engineering, science, medicine or IT degrees you still have the potential to earn a living. all other college degrees are worthless to earn a living. I am an accountant who has experience in pricing cost proposals seeing what jobs are worth in the market place.

[@peteparadis1619]

Never get married, let the whole system fail.. Revisit in 20 years.. Let them have it

[@sammcconkey8768]

Thought provoking Connor

[@de14jabs]

Falling behind? Based on the metrics of a sick society? That's funny.

[@rayzerot]

What do you mean? I'm not understanding what you're getting at

[@jefesalsero]

He means it's no measure of success to be well-adjusted to a sick society.

[@stoneylonesome4062]

I understand where your coming from. A lot of times when people talk about this crisis, it’s framed in a lens of mockery & shame. That isn’t the intention - there are genuine issues plaguing young men, some of which can be uncomfortable to talk about because of stigmas (homestuck generation, ie; crisis of gen-Z men just giving up on life and sitting in their parent’s basement all day not wanting to better themselves). We need to recognize that this isn’t their fault - they’re products of their time, their circumstance. Scott Galloway said it best - success in life mostly comes down to LUCK. Right-wingers often time don’t like to hear that (especially American ones) because it doesn’t fit the Boomer-ish “pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps” rhetoric, however even many on the right are beginning to acknowledge it.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@stoneylonesome4062. “Success in life mostly comes down to luck” Yeah teach that to the upcoming generations and see how they turn out. It is vital that we teach agency to young people or else they become even more lifeless and lethargic than They already are.

[@HonkHonkler]

Exactly

[@MegaAvalonn]

Simple policy: Women need to stop hating men and need to stop getting rewarded for that hatred.

[@TheMotArt]

Dude, stop blaming others for your own doings. No woman is being rewarded for anything.

[@Isidro-xw7vd]

It's men who have hated women since the beginning. Women are always sucking up to men. The Bible says it's because consequence of sin.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@TheMotArtthe endless finger pointing from Men and victimhood is so tired at this point. I see these guys constantly complaining and saying the same things over and over. They wallow in this bs and that’s no good

[@emersonhopscotch3852]

@@brianmeen2158 You mean exactly like feminists do?

[@ecclairmayo4153]

How will that help you get a job or a girlfriend? Listen to the video. He addresses this.

[@kibayi]

Amazing video and the reminder I needed to stay the course and not descend back into the patterns and mindsets that saw me lose my job, be unemployed for 10 months, lose my car, my place and push my girlfriend away. One of the best takeaways is that we have to find an worthy and challenging ideal that propels us forward and keeps us growing. I live that you mention the importance of women in our lives in a healthy capacity and also relationships with men we respect. No man is an island and we have to plug back into life, fellas. Thank you so much Connor 🫡

[@CoutureButcher]

There's a mantalks app? Lol i just got the Men's work book!

[@spacecat8511]

11:05 strength isn’t “only” masculine, it’s just human. You can degender the notion that virtues predominately belong to one gender over another without neutering a gender of said virtue. Strength belongs to humans regardless of gender-woman, nonbinary, man

[@emersonhopscotch3852]

When did he say that strength was only masculine? The point is that there is no need to weaken men in order to make other groups 'stronger' in comparison. This tactic doesn't work in the long run and will eventually backfire. In fact, the more society tries to push a certain group of people down (men included), the stronger the eventual backlash will be, thus perpetuating the victim/oppressor cycle.

[@philipc8280]

But saying being strong in a masculine way is somehow bad or something to be discouraged is to suggest that strength only belongs to women and nonbinary

[@David-l2u6m]

Don't know the answer to today's problems but mentor good Men doing the Best thay can aren't even recognized.much just know that as a man you have to leave the thing of childhood behind you and produce some kind of life that people trust that you will find a way to bring abundance to those want you to reproduce our civilization does not incurriging That

[@salto1994]

Would it be possible to do a podcast with Simon Sinek? He does a good job with regards to friendships and I feel like having good friends in life will solve a lot. It won't solve extreme feminism and false accusations against men but at least they'd be more social again

[@Bluesteel_97x]

Femenism is dead , and women killed it - dave chapelle

[@jkmarshall3553]

I think it's less falling behind and more taking a new approach.

[@HonkHonkler]

Yes

[@CEODoCaos-rk2ze]

Men are in this state because of powerful men, competition and territorialism become this, a search for control, avoiding competition and greed.

[@realistrick]

The problem is society not young (white) men.

[@contracthit9839]

These guys blame the men and there are Societal factors that men can't control...

[@andersnielsen6044]

Young white men - is the society.

[@jackdeniston6150]

Solve it? Stop going to school. All school.

[@zlueberry]

Terrible advice

[@Persephone44]

@@zlueberryexactly. Women will continue the trend of out-educating and out-earning men in the future. Will.not.help.the.problem.

[@rayzerot]

Bad take. Even tradesmen go to school

[@jefesalsero]

Public Schools = Government indoctrination camps

[@holloweddoob3308]

School being productive or otherwise is mostly dependent on your mindset when attending; the man who goes to college with his goal to be learning and developing a skillset will make it, the man who goes to party and sleep with girls won't