Why Your Narcissistic Husband Doesn't Want Sex

Narcissistic abuse is an undeniable crisis. Discover Healing, Empowerment, and Authentic Living...
Schedule your 1 on 1 appointment - theroyalwe.kar...
Start The Coaching Program - theroyalwe.kar...
Take this FREE Healing assessment -quiz.tryintera...
Connect With Me:
Instagram - / jointheroya. .
TikTok - / theroyalweoff. .
Facebook - / theroyalwehost
Donate to help:
Donations - paypal.me/Join....
The Royal We has helped Millions to escape the grip of narcissistic abuse. Here’s a deeper look into what narcissistic abuse looks like and steps to heal from it:
Narcissistic abuse looks like:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often show little to no empathy for others, making it easy for them to manipulate and exploit. Narcissists use various tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, and devaluation to control and dominate their victims.
Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse:
Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their own reality and sanity.
Love Bombing: Showering the victim with excessive attention and affection to gain control.
Devaluation: Undermining the victim’s self-worth through criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Isolation: Cutting the victim off from their support systems to increase dependency on the abuser.
Triangulation: Using others to create jealousy or competition, keeping the victim feeling insecure.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
How to begin healing from narcissistic abuse:
Understand that you have been enduring narcissistic abuse. This awareness is the first step toward healing.
Get Help:
Work with The Royal We to get the tools to understand and process your experiences. Visit - www.jointheroyalwe.com
Establish No Contact or Low Contact:
Limit or completely cut off communication with the narcissistic abuser. This helps you gain emotional distance and begin your healing journey.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:
Engage in activities that boost your confidence and self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who value and respect you.
Educate Yourself:
Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge is empowering and can help you recognize patterns and avoid future toxic relationships.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices can all contribute to your recovery.
Set Boundaries:
Develop and maintain healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Connect with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Join The Royal We Support Group - theroyalwe.kar...
#relationships #abuse #toxicrelationships #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #healthyrelationships #narcissistic #toxicpeople #narcissisticabusesurvivor #relationshipstatus #toxicfree #narcissisticabuserecovery #abusesurvivor #relationships101 #domesticabuse #toxicrelationship #relationshipsgoals #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #toxicfreeliving #abuseawareness #toxicfamily #abuserecovery #toxicfriends #narcissisticmother #relationshipstruggles #psychologicalabuse #relationshipscoach #toxicparents #narcissisticparent #relationshipstuff #toxicpositivity #relationshipskills #mentalabuse #consciousrelationships #verbalabuse #stopabuse #domesticabuseawareness #loveandrelationships #narcissistabuse #narcabuse #healingfromabuse #hashtagabuse #physicalabuse #abusesurvivors #notoxicpeople #religiousabuse #toxicbehavior #narcissisticinjury #relationshipschool #badrelationships #parentalalienationischildabuse #emotionalabuseawareness #relationshipsgoal #narcissisticabuselifecoach #betterrelationships #relationshipsarehard #lifeafterabuse #toxicgirl #npdabuse #narcissisticsupply #hiddenabuse #relationshipsadvice #toxictraits #cheatingisabuse #narcissisticfather #brokenrelationships #relationshipsuccess #healingafternarcissisticabuse #toxicfemininity #abusiverelationships #narcissisticabuserecoverycoach #toxicfriendships #covertnarcissisticabuse #abusers #narcissisticbehavior #toxicattraction #relationshipsupport #childabusesurvivor #narcissticabuse #covertabuse #masculinityisnottoxic #alcoholabuse #gaslightingisabuse #narcissisticfamily #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #childhoodabuse #christianrelationships #narcissisticparents #healingfromnarcissisticabuse #toxicparents #abuser #narcissisticparent #narcissisticandemotionalabuse #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #abuseisnotlove #abuseofpower #narcissisticrelationship #abuseisabuse #emotionalabusesurvivor #financialabuse #toxicworkplace #buildrelationships #realrelationships #spiritualabuse #abusedwomen #endabuse #unhealthyrelationships #narcissisticrecovery #fakerelationships #brokenrelationships #relationshipsuccess

[@HH-1111]

They do it to destroy a woman's self esteem. Especially if she is beautiful to make her feel unwanted and unattractive. Story of my life. Out of everything he does this is the most painful part. Praying to God to show me a way out. 20 years of wasted time. This is too embarrassing for a woman to talk about so we suffer in silence....their shame becomes ours.

[@acapellaz1]

Yes 🙌🏾 for women it feels embarrassing to talk about or like you’re emasculating the man and making him less than a man.

[@ciaralee9760]

Omg I thought this might be what was going on

[@Werderina]

This is what they do. They should feel embarrassed! Send you much love, you will get out of this. ❤

[@kristiwolfe6904]

I finally ran my 20 year narcissist off! It's great not being a victim. Kick em to the curb sweethearts!

[@Jonathan-rr1we]

So true

[@angelbianchi4786]

I don't think there's a greater pain than feeling lonely in a marriage.

[@petiadavis5122]

From an experience, yes, you are absolutely correct.

[@virgiebentley4550]

So true! My husband had not touched me for 16 years! I was so lonely but stayed married to him because of the kids.... He died 6 years ago. I recently met a great man & we are in love.... I thank God for him. I'm happy now.

[@seameology]

Oh man, you just reminded me. It's been decades. That psin is pretty raw.

[@ceegee5335]

There is no pain greater, None.......You are not alone but you are lonely. 😭😭

[@dukeduke2790]

Kidney stones

[@ashleylove1100]

I believe the best way to help a narcissist man is to act like it does not bother you and start moving out and leaving.

[@mzgodly8272]

I did that

[@mellyg_ljc]

perfectly said. Hard to do.

[@whathandleUtalkabt]

Max 2 years. Moved 100 miles away. Been 23 years. No contact good so far.

[@veedee3815]

❤

[@caleblpz]

As a man I second this.

[@DeeMM98]

Been there the last 10 years of a 47 year marrage. I'm living alone now and loving it. I walked to his room and asked him to hold me and he said he didn't want to make his dog uncomfortable. I walked back to my room and packed my stuff and moved out the next morning.

[@qrpcoaching8198]

bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@angelpolinek3153]

That is horrible. I just cried out in disgust. I'm so happy you left. Now just never go back.

[@jacksonsoxfan]

My ex husband wouldn’t pick me up from the hospital after I was released from kidney surgery because he was busy changing lightbulbs. Ugh! He was the worst, but sounds like there are other men like him out there!

[@RhodaNakkazi-fu6te]

Am trapped in a narcissistic marriage where all signs are showing that my husband is toxic to me and to my kids too....I hate him so much coz he has hurt me with his words and actions and am the most miserable woman there is in life and I regret having met him

[@RhodaNakkazi-fu6te]

I don't even know how to leave him and where to begin...I feel like some one had to streach out a hand for me to get helped out...every time I try to work on my self to look better,he makes me miserable the more..and eventually I loose weight.

[@summersalix]

I'm surprised p0rn and addiction to self pleasure wasn't mentioned. This is a huge issue for many in narc relationships, with hiding p0rn, paying for it behind a spouses back, breaking promises, waking up and finding him self pleasuring several times thru the night, etc. They are often addicted to sex w themselves and so ruined by p0rn that they can't get turned on by their spouse

[@vicbaker8367]

👍. Very True

[@nrosa4051]

True

[@nanettie]

Absolutely.

[@cathyhinder8573]

I agree & it's very commonly the exact reason.

[@girlinterrupted9145]

This is why some use women like they are the “whore” in the porn they used.

[@skyelizkhalil3950]

Number 1 the main reason The more the woman wants affection the more he will ignore and reject her. He enjoys seeing her upset. Nothing will change the behaviour.

[@tourdedogue4952]

This always happened on our 'date-nights', to the point I didn't want to go anymore.

[@Greenleaves-pf2xn]

Exactly the more you express your needs which is what a basic relationship is about the more they will use it against you. They know exactly what to not give you.

[@deanadaniel2634]

They enjoy the pain and suffering of denying.

[@xohatariq3253]

They just want to be needed by their woman... they just want the reassurance that their woman wants him... when he gets to believe this, he starts ignoring her. Bcoz his need has been fullfilled and he wants to see her woman starving for his touch... their logic is may be, zyada pyar kr lun ga tou yeh sar charh jae gi😢

[@lydiawhitting5406]

Same applies to a man dealing with a narc woman. Destroys their esteem.

[@ChingToNotWongWhite]

They withhold sex to use sex as a game against you. They don’t care about intimacy. They would rather reject you because that makes them feel powerful.

[@ranjaschildt]

Yes, so they are more powerful and "better" in evert refpect.

[@katrinavigness1064]

Oh, my goodness! I wish I had known this 38 years ago! I always found it embarrassing that I had to beg! I never once in our marriage ever said no to my husband, but I could not tell you how many times he turned me down. It is the most humiliating feeling in the world for a woman to be throwing myself at him and even crying!

[@arlenecollins9095]

yes yes yes yes

[@merrillcrist5702]

I know how you felt. I would tell him I was not going to beg but them found myself accepting other behaviors just to have some intimacy with him. In retrospect, so crazy.

[@katrinavigness1064]

@merrillcrist5702 yes, and it's still painful after all these years, it's the invisible scars that hurt the most 😢

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

Yes. Yes it is. Humiliating was a good word. 👍 I feel shame. Like what is WRONG with me???

[@naturaloptions1407]

Yep I know

[@ippmoeproject8502]

My husband is a covert narc who withholds sex and affection. I think he does it to hurt me. He’s done a fantastic job of making me feel unattractive.

[@yvettemoore1082]

I've been there and I know how that feels...to tell you to keep up your hopes for a change to happen would be complete b.s and you're being fed enough of that at this stage.....its not easy to navigate your situation, but there is really only one answer and your watching of this channel shows you know probably already know that.....the only thing I regret is the time I wasted on them, because he won't change and you'll be older and more upset....🥰

[@ippmoeproject8502]

@@yvettemoore1082 Yes I realize I need to leave but my situation is pretty bleak. We’ve been married for 33 years and have 3 kids together. My health is not good right now so until I get well I don’t think I have much choice other than to stay and tough it out for now. At least I know what I’m dealing with and I can choose to not engage in the manufactured drama. Thank you so much for your insight, it’s very much appreciated.

[@ec1222]

@@ippmoeproject8502 you know, this is also a solution for some, you know your situation and at least if your heart and thoughts are reserved away from him, you can't be so deeply harmed. Just repeat truth to yourself, even verbally/out loud, regularly, because you still live in the cloud of deceit/twisted lies, but yeah I think you are looking at the situation pragmatically and I wanted to validated that.

[@ippmoeproject8502]

@@ec1222 Thank you for the help. I’m happy you responded and your evaluation has given me hope that at least I’m handling this situation the best way possible. I will eventually leave, hopefully sooner than later.

[@helenchitra8249]

8 years married and no sex

[@Cynthia-uc8gb]

Yep, lived with this for 24 years. I was beautiful and young but lost my looks for many years due to losing my self esteem because my spouse had no interest in me. I thought he was gay, and maybe he is, but he's definitely a narcissist and he withheld intimacy to control and manipulate me and make me feel like shit. It worked. I ended up looking older than him and horrible. I was a mess. When we finally got divorced (I left) everyone in our smallish town assumed he left me because I looked so bad. After 14 years of being divorced, and much work on myself I have found myself again. I look younger at 64 than I did at 50. It's possible to heal, but it's hard as hell. It's worth it though.

[@MeadeFatLoss]

Then try looking better. We can all improve our appearance.

[@piaffe25rider]

Same with me… I lost whatever looks I had… 67 now and have to “fix” everything…so expensive but worth it in the end.

[@khest1821]

Amazing information & thank u so much for very well explanations & I lived with this man for 27 years & it apply to me reasons #1& 2 ; thank u a million times for the comments a brave women wrote & it gives me I’m not a lone & by faith I will make it day by day & one day I can write a book about based on true story other many women could learn from my story ; u all a wonderful & brave women ❣️

[@jillb7234]

Good for you!!!!❤❤

[@sjwillis1137]

Bless you . I hope you will be okay in Every way.

[@ceceliasummers6103]

20 years , My husband kicked me out of the bedroom, and if it weren’t for our young daughter, he would’ve kicked me out of the house. His money became his money. He refused to pay the mortgage refused to pay for house repairs he refused to pay for anything pertaining to the house . But he kept the Maryland State lottery. Very happy. Finally on February 13, 2024. God finally said enough is enough. people has sent cards and giving me hugs telling me how sorry they are of my loss, but this is the happiest I have been in over 20 years😂

[@balanceskateboarding8807]

God's eyes don't close

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

I hope you got the money? Did you say he won the lottery, too? I hope he didn't spend it all and leave you with nothing. I'm no money - grabbing whore by any means. 😆 I've never cared about money at all. But you do need to survive. And you need money to survive. And let's be honest... years of misery ought to pay off in the long run. So I guess I would consider it a happy ending if, after years of misery, you finally got a payoff of some sort.

[@hihi-vi7qs]

Congratulations enjoy yourself at last!

[@scottchapman9931]

Women have been doing this to men for Centuries, turn about as fair play.

[@victoriaquezada]

there is hope 😂

[@ellesilverwolf4571]

My ex did this to me and it was so painful because I was such a cuddly person and now I feel like a nun - I still haven’t been able to break out and date anyone since breaking up with him - he made me feel so unwanted and unloved it was horrible and even though I get it I am so fearful of becoming entangled with someone who will hurt me again so I just stay away from men now… it’s really sad

[@homespace1268]

True...cannot trust people enough for that anymore.

[@privacy9175]

Same here. There's NO way l will ever be with anyone. I know how happy l was once, when l was single. The Happiest ever.. 😊

[@baharkallaway3609]

I feel you, sister. Same here 💔

[@carolynballerina5342]

Same. 13+ yrs married. Half of that I was left alone. 5 yrs separated. Still not interested or able to think about another man. My hubby was fully active with other women, one woman he had a relationship with for 9yrs during our marriage! I had no clue...

[@kathybray59]

Boy I can relate to your comment

[@daydreegirl]

I think we need to tell both men and women that leaving because of lack of intimacy is valid. If there is no intimacy and therapy is not on the table--leave, run, don't look back.

[@arundathirose7563]

Depends in this context do you mean just sex or over all like affection and being cold about and refusing to talk about because one could be just they are not in the mood any longer and the other something else is going on(an emotional abusive person perhaps) marriage is a covenant after all.

[@USCG.Brennan]

@@arundathirose7563 A covenant, yes, but if a spouse is avoiding sex deliberately because of control or "punishment" etc, and not because of illness (mental, emotional or physical) they've already broken that covenant by what is legally called "alienation of affection". Therefore they have ALREADY broken that covenant. Any person who chooses to stay in that kind of relationship can feel "trapped" until they've finally had enough and leave. Then the one who leaves is labeled the "bad guy" because nobody knows the actual reason why. Sad, but happens alot...the person who leaves is always "at fault" in everyone else's eyes. ;-(

[@vanessamccarthy7807]

​@@USCG.Brennanbut what if they are physically ill or going through a deep depression? My son's dad had both after undergoing intensive and prolonged chemotherapy. He's not narcissistic just a man struggling to stay alive.

[@USCG.Brennan]

@@vanessamccarthy7807 Your son's dad, meaning your significant other or husband or ex-husband? Either way, medical reasons are totally legit and understandable.

[@dinab7852]

AMEN 👏

[@artibhaumik5614]

27 yrs with a narcissist husband....17 yrs of no physical contact. Thank you for making this video. Makes me feel less alone.

[@billpetersen298]

Can we put all the narcissists, on a big island? (Trump, can be the king) So the rest of us, can find each other.

[@marcycat]

Why stay

[@SilverDragon.222]

Leave or cheat. Gotta do u, honey. 😎

[@barba5537]

Yeah I thought I was only one that could allow such nonsense when I'm normally very strong.

[@cc1k435]

That's part of their agenda, really. Make you feel alone when sadly the situation is common as mud.

[@couturecreative]

#1 exactly what happened in my first marriage #2 in my second marriage There will not be a third marriage. I am now 65 , love being free, I care for my 92 year old mother full time, I spend good times with my grandchildren and my daughter and my closest friends. All is very good without a husband.

[@pegasus5287]

I am in a similar situation! Second marriage and not willing to ever try again after this one

[@user-kf3yz7so6q]

Oh yes… it is, I’ll never have another one… two was enough. First one had a lovely nature but was controlled by alcohol, marriage ended… second marriage, a full blown covert narcissist… been no contact for nine months after a 37 year marriage.

[@juliebarnard7211]

​@user-kf3yz7so6q if u ladies can leave @ 65, guess I can @ 67.

[@kevlarkittens]

Same happened to me. Many years. I finally got out and I'm much happier alone. Except, now I'm not alone. I found someone who has shown me what actual love is. Only now I can't get my brain unwired from the trauma.

[@christinelawrence4315]

To all the fellow narcissistic abuse survivors ... just want to hug you all and to say that we are beautiful people which did NOT deserve to be abused. We are strong, we will endure and we will overcome!!! Love you all .. the journey is not easy but have faith that God will pull you and I through the storm XXX

[@ihartsacto]

Same to you and well said❤

[@bonnitaanderson470]

Amen 🙏🏾❤️

[@marieeakin8534]

Agree....please do not waste your precious years with these very sick men.

[@helenduffy6642]

Amen to that. We are survivors. Thanks for sharing. 🙏💜💙

[@hopekassandra8661]

After surviving a marriage with a narcissist and being single for many years, I messed around and got involved with a narcissist. It's early on and I'm backing away with no response/no contact. Prayers please.🙏🏾💜

[@jadejohns3107]

Are you missing the fact that - intimacy - is a nightmare for a narcissist. It’s the one thing they are incapable of - vulnerability.

[@agostinodublino1387]

you're soooo right!

[@janetmalcolm6191]

This is true the other way around as well of narcs.

[@tourdedogue4952]

wow, that sure explains a lot.

[@KoRNeRd]

You misunderstand. Narcisits are just not vulnerable. This incapability is because it does not exist. You cannot be afraid of something you know to not to exist. That is why they are not humble, as well.

[@jadejohns3107]

@@KoRNeRd that’s what I said

[@ola2u]

This video is so true. I wish everyone, who sees the red flags at the beginning of their relationship with a narcissist - stop that relationship immediately. It has nothing to do with love😢

[@user-rv2ph8wk4e]

I think a man who does this to his wife does not really truly love her at all!

[@jerrylong891]

I hope 95% of the men see this. They deserve better than all these women collaging about leaving there husbands. I bet you 95% of them are the problem. How many times did you withhold sex from your husband before he started toing the same thing to you? Doesn't feel good does it. Believe all women right? Yall are a joke. Claim responsibility for you failed marriages.

[@jerrylong891]

@@user-rv2ph8wk4e Goes the same for women lady.

[@ar7ea]

I know right. Run. I couldn't put them into words back then. I had this queasy feeling in my stomach until the wedding date. Gosh, nobody warns me. I wanted to run but I wasn't strong enough to leave. They never change! It's a built-in in their brain that's how they work.

[@bluesnites]

When you realize the silence is deafening ~ and being single is better than married and miserable ~ the real work begins.

[@orangeowl2819]

My ex husband told me that he quit calling me beautiful after we got married because if I hear it too much it will lose it’s meaning. I always thought that was so stupid! My new guy calls me beautiful everyday several times a day, even after 3 years! It always makes me feel beautiful ❤

[@shilohbreigh3591]

Yep… NEVER EVER gave me a compliment!!! Three years. If it hadn’t been for the “love bombing stage” I would never have known that he even found me extremely attractive. He would pick up on EVERY DETAIL about me in the beginning and tell me I was beautiful. After the first month or two, he NEVER gave me another compliment again.

[@kellykinkel3323]

Yes! No compliments, no affection.

[@teresajohnson1022]

My husband told me he stopped calling me beautiful because he didn't want to glorify the flesh.

[@cmasse64]

My first husband never complimented me. He said, if I was insecure about my looks then it wasn't his job to make me feel better about myself. That was my problem. When I met my 2nd husband, he told me on our first date that I was beautiful....and said it every single day up until the day he died. He would even tell me first thing in the morning when my hair was all crazy and I had crust in my eyes. I am so grateful that he helped me get my self-esteem back.

[@MelissaPicchietti]

wow, same exact thing - he did not want it to go to my head...but felt the need to criticize me daily

[@maryannhunwick2774]

I do want to mention that narcs also have mommy issues so trophy wife turns into mommy and is not trophy wife anymore. She is cook, cleans up after her little high school chump... all those mommy things. And heaven forbid her children get in the way. He is the only child lol. It is so funny to look at now...I really better stop a that.

[@brandiebridgnell581]

All of this is true!

[@deborahshankovich8442]

mine had mommy issues. He needed his mommy not a wife.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Omg yes! I’ve become that very person. In fact when we split last year he lived with an older man. And this older man cooked and cleaned for him too. So the mother can also be a man. They need that strong figure in their lives 🙈

[@bjbobbijo5066]

I have also noticed that narcs have mother issues. I don't know about every single narc, but probably most of the male narcs I have ever encountered have mom issues. And from what I have noticed they all have porn issues as well. Creepy.

[@killingsley]

It's called being a wife for your husband who would die to protect & provide for you & the kids. & men are territorial, that's why he gets slightly annoyed about the kids being in the way. He doesn't mean it personally, it's just how we are designed.

[@user-hh7kk6bc1g]

16 long lonely years of this! I was all alone & didn't tell anyone. I cried myself to sleep every night for years. I thought I was ugly, bad, didn't deserve better, etc. The confusion I felt was so real & caused long bouts of depression. I thank God I am now divorced from the narc and am married (going on 7 years) to a wonderful man of God who loves me so very much. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I could have heard this video 20 years ago. The mind games, the lies, the constant confusion was so discouraging and confusing! Thank You, Jesus, for getting me out of that situation! Never again!

[@ranjaschildt]

Theese matters were not that known decades ago.m Too bad In suffered much needlessly.

[@ShalomUSA]

It's ALL about control. Always.

[@user-hm9jq1db2h]

💯

[@user-vk6lq9ng5z]

I lived with this for YEARS. It was so damaging to my self esteem by the time I filed for divorce I felt like I had ZERO sex appeal.

[@angelarigido7161]

I'm where you we now, after being discarded by my narc 7 moths ago. I feel so ugly and undesirable..and all by myself

[@NT-qd2rs]

I feel you. I was 29 y.o. hottest chick in the district, but still felt absolutely unattractive 😢

[@NT-qd2rs]

​@@angelarigido7161you're not ugly, I bet. There is a way out of this perception, hust recall yourself, this is HIS point of view on HIMSELF, projected on you.

[@angelarigido7161]

@@NT-qd2rs Thanx for this. I'm 😃 😊 🙂. You're a gorgeous ginger too!..according to your picture

[@NT-qd2rs]

@@angelarigido7161 yeah, that's my cat 😺😎😁, he's very self-assured!

[@user-wh6wt5pw9o]

I was denied sex for 18 years after he had a vasectomy. He was addicted to internet porn, masterbation, and I was suspicious he was going to a strip club because he had a friend who worked there. I have been away from him for 6 years now and you finally gave me answers to why he did that to me. The pain of rejection was unbelievable. Thank you for the help.

[@Vmaxfodder]

I have a most wonderful woman! But sex is very painful! She's just too small down there . She leave bruises on me every time !

[@irismendoza33]

This man is shedding light alright. 🥴

[@christinelavere2636]

My husband didn’t have a vasectomy but he don’t want sex but would watch porn an jerk of daily in the bathroom …. I know all to well the pain I’m so happy you got away

[@runito75]

sex is not a right, so the use of the word "deny" smells alot of abusive attitude towards sex. But I have noticed a lot of christians think like this. Sex is something you are obligated to give to your partner. Very close to domestic rape.

[@bekahdoug5572]

​@irismendoza33 WHYYYY do they deny the maturation though??!! He's gone through 2 bottles of lotion a huge tub of Vaseline, an ALL the lube in the the house, but SWARES he isn't masturbating!! It's literally the MOST disgusting feeling. I feel invisible, worthless, and disgusting because I'm not the women in his porn. How do I heal?! I'm dying inside.

[@janet9591]

My narcissistic ex-husband did this to me. It was very subtle as I attributed it to his working 2 full-time jobs. I decided to start paying very close attention to his words and actions, checking his social media, vehicles, and phone. I realized he had been playing me all along, so I quickly kicked his behind to the curb. I tried talking to him, and he only lied and dismissed me. I ain't no joke! Separation was quick and final.

[@jennyleesoutherngirl]

I was married to a narcissist husband who sadly preferred porn over me and wasn’t willing to admit that there was a problem, most likely an addiction. I am an attractive, loving, unselfish woman I cooked I cleaned. I worked 50 hours a week and I never denied my husband, but he had his dirty little secret that he kept from me and over the course of 10 years it destroyed, our intimacy, my self-esteem and our marriage. I divorced the person who was my soulmate and the love of my life trust with completely broken down and the magic and the fire that I had with him was destroyed and it’s really sad. no doubt that years from now he will live to regret losing me.. thank you, I enjoy listening to your topics. I find them helpful and it’s refreshing to hear you talk about these issues. I may be a bit old-fashioned and I expect a man to be a man but a man that would treat a good woman like this, is not a man at all!

[@emvaldini524]

you are right x

[@MichelleMrozkowski]

My ex husband made me feel hideous. After our separation I realized it wasn’t me. It was him. Thanks for the validation.

[@sandyschneider6792]

That statement is exactly what my counselors said to me! They knew my ex for years as did his employers and co-workers. He changed when we first got married and everyone thought I was good for him. Then they watched me and my son lose ourselves until we got out!!

[@johndraper3210]

*No... it was definitely you*

[@truthjunkie63]

@@johndraper3210 what a loser.

[@biancacaputo7174]

My ex was like this, and if any man spoke to me even the bartender when I order a drink, I was cheating on him. So he starved me of sex and the. When we split up he told everyone I was cheating on him . Never knew someone could be so cruel

[@truthjunkie63]

,@@biancacaputo7174 I'm glad you got out.

[@pinabasu4200]

This video is spot on! Been married to a narcissist for 36 years and it’s been lonely!

[@jagodah1130]

is better to be alone then lonely ! I am alone and I am almost happy ( nobody can't replace my late husband) ! but I am not lonely!

[@chanelcarlson3001]

THAT WAS HIS OBJECTIVE DO NOT LET HIM GET TO YOU!!! STAY STRONGER THAN, MAMA!! ❤️👑❤️👑❤️👑

[@telikaandfam]

i left him for 2 years but now im back because he openly wept in front of our kids and made me the enemy he is doing better now but i honestly cant wait for my kids are grown theres just too much damage here

[@louannehenriques8206]

@@telikaandfam Do be aware that type of reaction is only for his needs, and becomes a cycle of abuse, you must care for your own needs.

[@Harmonious-jm3sy]

It’s lonely for sure. 34 years of this crap with a narcissistic woman. We’ve learned if it’s not about her it’s not important.

[@mindywhite1568]

I've been married for 39 years. I always felt like he always had a wall up between us. He would avoid me, 😮 out of the bedroom, and blame it on me. I found out he was watching porn. He would be so angry and yell at me. Everything was my fault. I later realized he was a Covert Narcissist. Then, things began to make sense. I realized it wasn't me that was the problem. But, after all these years, it destroyed my self worth. I have health issues and cant afford to live on my own. I feel like im just an empty shell. Stuck in the sand. 😢

[@qrpcoaching8198]

Think about separating mentally and talk to someone about life outside your life.

[@annawodecka4093]

You know what? I love you and never give up. I hope you will find peace and love in yourself. As I am trying to. And have a wonderful day.

[@barbarahill2392]

I so appreciate the confirmation of what I thought about my first husband's behavior of not wanting sex. It was the control. After 15 years of mental abuse ,5 marriage counselors, and one wonderful psychiatrist ,I filed for divorce. He contested this,but after 2 years in court, I was free! I have been blessed with a wonderful, loving husband to share my life. It has brought so much healing I would urge others to gather the strength and courage to leave the abuse and start a new life!

[@patr4641]

I have experienced this. When we were finally divorced he said. Who would want you at 56. 76 now. Life has never been better. Shame on him

[@dakini80]

Well done 👍

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

Your response. Who would want you!! Or I rather be Alone than with you!

[@Kimberlinz]

That gives me hope. I am turning 55 in two months. My picture is current. We have had sex maybe 20 times in 28 years. He got mischief charges for peeping and jacking iff on video three separate busts spanning over 8 years. I would have left the first bust but I had a two year old and am living in his country, Canada. My mom would still tell him are you sorry you married her yet? I gray rocked her a few years ago. In two years my son will be 18 and I am leaving my husband for sure, even if no one ever wants me.

[@taniajudy1029]

​@@Kimberlinzsounds like your mom is the person who conditioned/raised you to marry someone like him. My parents were the same (both with borderline personality disorder, which is comorbid with narcissism). I'm glad you cut her off. Cutting off both of my parents was the second best decision I ever made. The best one was leaving my covert narcissist ex-husband after 17 years (and 4 kids). In both cases, I only wish I had done it years (or decades) sooner. I understand why you would want to wait until your kid is 18, but you can't get back the years you stay. The damage they cause you, and your kid seeing it all are way worse than anything leaving will cause you. (I say this from the perspective of someone who left 13 years ago, with 4 young kids, and a debilitating illness that caused me to be bedridden and in a wheelchair.) The worst days without him will be so much better than the best days with him. I promise!

[@demondogmom7221]

My (ex) husband demanded to know who I was cheating with because the only possible reason I'd have divorced him was for someone else. You know because us poor fragile women need a man that badly. After listening to this 1 time too many I finally "confessed". I told him he was right. I left him for someone else. Someone who really loves me, cares about my opinion and feelings. Someone who makes me a priority. He demanded to know WHO. I told him.."I left you for ME. Everything you withhold, I can give myself. From my world view you bring absolutely nothing into my life. " He quit asking. Hmm..trainable at the end I guess.

[@allieeverett9017]

Married twice to two different types of Narc...it is heartbreaking and I've been single now for 22 years. Best choice I ever made.

[@brendak7781]

Me too

[@Tiamat_Dantor]

Same here. We got this.

[@JJNow-gg9so]

Me too and had to deal with the deaths of 2 daughter's alone I'm ok now being alone. Bless you.😢

[@amywaite4083]

I married 2 as well. Ugh

[@cherylmcelman6648]

Me too, you are not alone. ❤

[@catehastings128]

My ex had all 4. You nailed it. My therapist helped me to see it. I have been free of this sick entanglement for over 9 years. One of the best decisions I have made in honor of myself in mind , body, and spirit

[@mewrmaid]

It is the WORST. I really hope people who went through relationships like these find these videos because it's been soooo comforting for me to deal with the pain and all the questions I was left with. Thank you!

[@leslievasquez2645]

I went through this for 12 years! I thought my love life/sex life was over at the age of 34. I ended up leaving him for many reasons and I’m now married to an amazing man who definitely makes me feel attractive!

[@lexa_power]

Sounds like my marriage! I love this for you! Glad you got out of that bad situation!

[@between2templesb.y.o.b677]

I needed that.

[@saraannjohnston3839]

Same, we where together for 11 years. I could count on one hand the number of times we had sex. He would not even hold my hand. I left and now am with an amazing man. It's possible. Never give up on yourself.

[@saundracohen4032]

I am 34 and this is so tough.

[@laurahennessy2893]

My marriage was over 3 months after I married him. He rejected me emotionally and physically, and I caught him masturbating several times even though he claimed to be impudent. Then I caught him with his shop vac. He was always flirting with strangers right in front of me . Then he started hitting on my friends right in front of me. He is demented

[@lynnhiggins7340]

Honestly thought it was just me! After 20 loveless years and being treated like I was nothing...... I found out my husband was having a full loving relationship with another man... I was the facade for his shame. Crushing doesn't even cover it. 💔

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ 20 hearts for each year you deserved to be loved upon. I hope you're alright and that you can find a way out.

[@almabarron4305]

Oh love feel free now God have someone better. Just keep the lesson not the teacher, I all about love ourselves more so nobody can hurt us 😊

[@lisaaustin4561]

I hope you left him!

[@IhaytFukkingsocialmedia]

how did u not know

[@vickivandermerwe3896]

I am so sorry 😭💔

[@sage602]

After 20 years of dealing with this silent pain I went wild and found a lover for 7 years. Had the best times of my life with him. Had a few other flings too. Yeah I went wild.

[@jean6453]

Good for you ! Just make sure you are having safe sex. I hope you find a great partenr to share your life with.

[@rebeccamartin2399]

That is what I am in the process of doing. I havent been made love to in 20 or so years. I feel like I'm dying inside with him. I want to live.

[@msgingerjourney]

I'm ready to go wild.

[@chrissyheymann2351]

Thank you for intelligently,truthfully,and empathetically explaining why narcissistic husbands don't have sex. You just validated all wives who have gone thru this! You could teach many other counselors!

[@sharonjudd7786]

Save yourself and go no contact. I was married for 20 years to a narcissist who played all the games mentioned in this heartbreaking vid. Being a Christian woman I thought I had to stay in that sick cycle. It’s been 4 years since I left. God has never left my side. Excellent information for anyone who needs it.

[@barbaragraham-siegenthaler]

This is also my story.

[@matildagreene1744]

Almost all of my married friends (long time married) have actually lived their husbands life, not theirs. I'm happily living in my kids and pet relationships 😘 You don't have to be married or with a significant other to be happy. I wouldn't trade my life for ANY other.

[@RozettaVyper]

Even God would tell you to divorce. It's humans that tell you to remain in a doom relationship.

[@pamelabarone5868]

I am so thankful you are out of this. 🙏

[@pamelabarone5868]

@@matildagreene1744 I enjoy being alone and a mother as well. I do not want the pain after all this. I am happy alone.

[@elainejude4616]

My ex husband....you described him to a tee! I haven't even been on a date in 20 years because I'm terrified of the kind of man I would pick. I've had to learn how to respect myself and to treat myself with love and compassion. My heart still hurts when I think of all the damage that was done to a beautiful young lady who just wanted to feel loved.

[@RedNicole22]

I can relate, I dated for a few years, but never found a good one, and I’m thankful now bc I didn’t know what I was dealing with until my daughter went to therapy about my ex husband, her dad, and her therapist said he was narcissist. It was eye opening and once I started looking into it, it made perfect sense. Now I’m so afraid I would repeat the cyc and wish I were dead. I still have PTSD and we’ve been separated for many years and he remarried within a year of our divorce. He actually named two of his daughters names he and I picked out during our marriage, and I’m pretty sure it was to get back at me. I’m sure his wife has no idea either. It’s crazy what these men will do.

[@tracyhull7936]

I am sorry Elaine

[@luttuts6731]

Same story I didn’t realize his diagnose untill 20 years later

[@terrykaphingst5106]

That is what I keep telling myself. I just want to be loved for who I am.

[@christinelawrence4315]

Elaine Jude.. I divorced my now ex-husband 12 years ago because of his alcohol addiction, infidelity, abuse .. I was very traumatised to think that the "loving" man I married turned out to be a monster in disguise and could use/abuse/discard me like rubbish. If it's any comfort sister you're not alone in how you feel. I don't believe I've fully recovered on a deep emotional level. I do my best every day to be present in my daily life - work, kids, running a home etc... but there's always a deep loneliness within me and a sense my life was destroyed by this man .. (gave him the best years of my life) I don't believe I can ever truly trust a man ever again! The pain diminishes but always remains with you on some deep level. I believe and trust in God .. He is my only saving grace. Hugs, Christine

[@hguerin1972]

Yep it’s so great to find this topic spoken about. My “common law” husband started shaming me for being sexual, told me it was my fault he didn’t want to have sex, recoiled at my affection…the last time we ACTUALLY got together after a year of nothing he came back into our room and started SCREAMING at me because I had left a mess in the kitchen while I was naked and just shaking. He shamed me completely. I never tried to initiate again. He’d also brag to me that he had a high sex drive and got himself off twice a day. ( yeah right) but it was very hurtful and confusing until I figured out he actually got off on treating me so poorly. The light went off… he won’t have sex because he knows I’d like it! I’m stuck living in his house trying to save every penny I can for my exit plan. Even worse are the days I still have hope that he’ll just come home and be nice to me again… my heart breaks all over again.

[@Camy211]

I lived exactly the same situation as yours… don’t waste your time, he’s not gonna change. Stay only if there’s financial gain and free your mind from hope and expectations. It is hard, I know but you will reach this clarity. Stay strong 💪

[@eliz1866]

Your life will be so much better when you leave. Believe in yourself and you deserve someone who is nice and capable of caring. Best wishes for you. Narcissist have a problem, they never grew up. So, it not your fault.

[@FadugbaAdesola-ni4xk]

You are better off him.

[@hain7]

😢 the hope😢 I am looking only to God because i need him to direct me. I had my husband higher then i should have.

[@AT-pw9dx]

​@@eliz1866THIS

[@pennyacme380]

27 years of constant games. He died 6 yrs ago and I'm still learning about the abuse of control. He was all about that!

[@denisebradford5241]

As my ex-husband once said about our marriage, "I am happy, so there is no problem." The counselor replied, "don't you understand that there is a problem because she's unhappy, and you're in a relationship?" He didn't get it.

[@vanessak.2353]

He got it, he didn't care.

[@nanapipi1901]

Thats deep👍

[@ashhh2008]

This resonates with me. I’ve tried to have a conversation with my husband to express that I am unhappy in the marriage and my reasons and his response was he is happy

[@matildagreene1744]

Of course he didn't get it.

[@kathymills3476]

​@@vanessak.2353 : 🏆🏆 WINNING COMMENT 🏆🏆

[@monie7693]

I have a lump in my throat and a stone in my heart. It's so painful to acknowledge that this was done to me for years to simply to hurt me and damage my self esteem.

[@mymai5859]

I feel you. It's been so demeaning. Despite being divorced 15 yrs it's hard to admit that he had CONTROL by withdrawing affection for so long. It took me years to realise he was a total Narcissist. 😢

[@amygalvin1799]

Hard to fathom someone hurting someone they allegedly love. Very sick.

[@nancysmyth9686]

Yes. This has happened to me. My husband now has dementia. Very sad.

[@H.Michele]

You hit the mail so hard with every single word on the control issue. That was my 15 year marriage with a narc. And he was also having affairs nonstop.

[@dmariebella6309]

I think that last one hit the nail on the head. I remember before we got married he said he prefers the chase and likes leaving me hanging. Where I was like "you either want me, or you don't!" Thanks for this.

[@rdnugent1]

Your number one reason is spot on. This is all about control. My husband literally said one time when asked by our pastor (about something else - not sex) why he was withholding something from me, "Because THEN she gets what she wants!!" And there it is.

[@lyalyakim9898]

This is really sad that narcissists don't want their spouses to be happy...

[@pegagonza3784]

😮 one time he said I didn’t deserve it, when everything started 7 years ago

[@honey-feeney9800]

I agree . You’re onto something important. When I would ask for something my ex-husband would make sure I didn’t get it. He was very generous to his buddies, our son , and his family . But, after 20 years when I asked for a diamond that he couldn’t afford to buy me when we decided to get married , he flatly said “no, it’s just a piece of rock.” He married the other woman and guess what!!!!??? He bought her a diamond . it was the significance of the ring that meant something . I felt like he turned on me, like a hatred .

[@syzygy4365]

​@@ViralVibes_01 if that worked none of us would be on here.

[@MW-uk5ji]

​@@syzygy4365 my narcissistic ex husband met his match in his new wife. She's a narcissist control freak. I think they just like the challenge of one upping and punishing each other

[@dellavest9269]

I was in this relationship for way too long. I would lie next to him at night, crying because I wanted him...while he witheld and laughed at my tears. Forget couoles counseling...they lie so quick and slick, you won't know what hit you. They just learn new terms and techniques for abusing you even more. You win by giving up and walking away.

[@bluecollarlit]

This phenomenon was addressed in The Sopranos. Dr. Melfi is advised that psychoanalysis only helps the sociopath learn new tricks of manipulation.

[@Js-wd6dr]

Wow...what an abusive person he was watching you cry over him...terrible! Very sad actually to see someone 😢 cry...

[@thisisme3238]

You win by "walking away," NOT " giving up."

[@AdonnaPrice]

Or tells you to call him by a different name and his nipples are real tender..🙄

[@ginarenee1625]

I brought up this exact issue in our marriage counseling session and the male counselor said that it is human nature. The therapist said that it was a natural thing to go towards some thing, that is pulling away from you and away from something coming toward you. I was not satisfied with the answer then. Not when it’s husband and wife, imho. We are now divorced. It was a nightmare.

[@PerliuxXx]

Jesus! After reading tons of the comments, I am glad that I just lived with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend for 1 year, until I wore him off and he finally left. I didn't want to leave because it was like "giving up", but I did set boundaries until he left.

[@mariac2472]

I am so glad to see how much the Royal We has grown! I talked to you on the phone when you first started this journey. I listened to you all the time. And I love your channel. So glad to see all you’re doing! Thank you Kevin!

That’s exactly what happened to me! I was devastated and my self esteem has never been so low. However, I got better a few months after I left the marriage

[@heavenlygrandma9992]

You're lucky you didn't end up physically ill. I ended up with acute myeloid leukemia from being devalued so much. I was wanting to leave and then got sick and almost died and have been stuck here since. But.... I will no longer be here after a few more days!!

[@alleveddet118]

OK.. I didn't..

[@everev851]

@@heavenlygrandma9992 god bless you! Take care

[@heavenlygrandma9992]

@@everev851 Thank you!

[@heavenlygrandma9992]

@@sandracaezza7234 They hate it when you outsmart them, don't they? LOL I'm glad you're free. My day of freedom is coming soon. How did you monitor his phone?

[@olgapivovarova4123]

This is exactly about me! Once I was crying because he refused me and he got angry and said: Look at yourself, who’d want you? It was heartbreaking. I was young and beautiful, and never heard anything like that from anyone before

[@yvettievs4063]

You poor darling x I hope you're healed ❤️

[@olgapivovarova4123]

@@yvettievs4063 thank you dear🌹

[@cheryllyons3738]

Hugs

[@cheryllyons3738]

My heart goes out to all of you. God I know this pain and sadness.

[@olgapivovarova4123]

@@cheryllyons3738 thank you for your kind words! God bless you 🙏

[@vickitilley9629]

One left off the list! The sexual objectification of the women on the N’s terms stops completely when she has a child and becomes a mother!!

[@deedebdoo]

Yes. Mine is definitely narcissistic abuse and control, but, he can choose this easily because sex is a "low" thing to do with a wife and mother. I'm only hurt because I'm not at his special level of superior morality.

[@DH-tp1it]

Omg- mine did that as well- such bs! Finally got rid of him! What a waste of my prime years!

[@justinaarikpo6020]

I recently walked out of a marriage of 8 years. Im beginning to find myself again.

[@lindaanderson3698]

After 9 counselors and 17 wasted years and a horrible divorce, now I get the insight. Better late then never.

[@anne-vl7qf]

The insight can take years. It did for me. The utter confusion, blaming myself to the point I was asking to be blamed. Sad though, I’m 68 now and by myself. I divorced him 30 years ago. Content knowing I’m sane, kind, caring, loving, loyal and have a few extremely good friends and family.

[@anne-vl7qf]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@vickibazter3446]

It's treacherous

[@hggtg]

Me too!

[@cindyfleischer6710]

I married at 22. If I may say, I was slim, very pretty, confident and judging from the many colleagues who tried to hit on me, I was also considered sexy. However my husband didn't want to come near me. The rejection just about destroyed me! I remained faithful and know the exact dates my 3 children were conceived, that should give you some context. I stayed in the marriage for 21 years and finally left when all 3 children came to me separately over a short period of time asking me to leave their father due to his abuse. Today, I am in my 50's and still alone and broken. I never regained my confidence.

[@TheQueensWish]

I married at 35 and still got stuck with a Narc. It can happen at any age. It happens because they hide it at first and we don’t expect people to be like this. Who is like this!? Just remember you were deceived and then deprived of a loving marriage for so long. None of it was your fault. All we can do is learn about narcissism and try to live life on our own terms.

[@nafphgesa1]

I married him at 31 and divorced him at 33! He was never the problem.. I was. For accepting this kind of treatment.. Be gentle with yourself, love yourself, give to yourself everything that you would give to a person you love. And watch your life transform. We are rooting for you!!! ❤❤

[@verivivi]

Be thankful your children supported you. My only one asked me not to talk about her father or the abusive relationship with him, though she witnessed much of it and was also abused by him. She hid her hurt and all the rejection until college when she married the first man she ever dated. Psychologists told me her father left a big hole in her heart. I felt responsible for that, thinking I should have left him when she was very young. Best to you . Your self esteem and confidence will return! You will be so much better, very soon.

[@cholawhite8968]

I can identify with your story and I don’t know who you are but I bet you’re thinking that you wasted time and beauty on someone who didn’t deserve you. Just know that everything that makes you truly beautiful is what’s inside you. It has the ability to change the eye of the beholder. When you come to Christ he can set you free and all that you have been through becomes part of your past. You are a new creation and he alone has the ability to restore you, shape you, give you purpose and a new life. Beautiful woman, I pray peace and blessings and restoration over your life in the name of Jesus. ❤🤗

[@pamelabarone5868]

There is hope I am going to be 51 this year. I am praying for you🙏

[@cheezykrafts8134]

I didn't know anyone was going thru this till I found this video today. We broke up 11 years ago and today was the first explanation of what happened for those 7.5 years that has made everything I can remember make sense. For 20 years I've been convinced that the world is lying to me and men don't actually care for sex. I'm going to have to have a lot of thinking time after watching this and I've already ugly cried twice.

[@evelynoleahtv]

Wow. That No 1 reason, so true.. I experienced this in my 18year marriage. Deprived, suffering, rejection. Thank God I got the strength to walk. Been on my own for 9years and enjoying peace. The happiest I have been really. In almost 10years I have never regretted walking away from the torture

[@brendamoon2660]

Narcissists don't marry for a relationship. They marry to have someone available to bully. They will use everything at their disposal to hurt you. It's like a cat playing with a mouse one little wound at a time

[@NightinGal89]

Also, social validation. That's the main reason they marry

[@hunterfishergather6879]

And to have kids so they can devastate them too

[@your1supporter]

My husband withheld affection and words of affirmations but he always poured it out openly for others around us, even total strangers. When I finally spoke up about it he called me "crazy." He thoroughly enjoyed hurting me. There were nights I'd cry myself to sleep and to feel helplessly alone and lonely. As a housewife, it's not feasible to just walk away but I've begun to untangle myself from him through my feelings.

[@hereim5648]

Watch Surviving Narcissism.

[@jeanieolahful]

I did that, and left when my children got older. And I never looked back.

[@your1supporter]

@@jeanieolahful I love that for you! 🤍 My day is coming, when I'll be fully free and independent from him and just like you I'll never look back.

[@benedictaanyigba9817]

OMG You've been there right? It's a horrible experience

[@lesley.l.goodson]

Sounds so familiar.

[@DeserieDonae]

This was the story of my first husband. Couldn’t “perform” and proceeded to cheat for years. Then my next relationship was all about control, he withheld sex and love. It took years to leave, but I finally did. So painful! 😢 I’m sorry to all the people facing this trauma.

[@UX_Chats]

Was denied of sex for years and finally got divorced. He left me actually thank God! Feeling great! Thank you for this video - such a great encouragement for all gorgeous women out there to stop trying and leave.

[@valerienewsome3019]

The worst parts for me were not understanding what was going on and questioning why and feeling like I was the only woman going through this.

[@UhuruMaat]

YES

[@sherlitawilson765]

It empowered me to know I wasn’t alone…

[@pintsizestories196]

The internet has allowed us to find out that we are not alone and hear explanations about how a narcissist works. KZbin has been really helpful for me. Hope you are encouraged as well.

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

Yes!!! Feeling like there's be something wrong with me! Not just because he doesn't want me... what kind of woman can't even get her Husband to want her? But also because I want and enjoy and crave (and need and dream of) sex and intimacy!!! Again... what kind of GROSS, DIRTY, NYMPHOMANIAC SLUT of a Woman actually wants sex like me? Thank you all so much for letting me know I'm not wrong. Im not crazy. I'm not gross. I'm not "unladylike". And there's nothing "wrong" with me. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@reneeevans8864]

Your not alone my husband was different from the beginning his passive way he has never initiated and when he did early on i noticed he wasnt proactive i found my self having to tell him what to do . I had never been with a pornography addict but i knew it was different which he continued to lie about even when caught. i felt so lonely with him 24 yrs of marriage because im disabled now im 57 but im a young 57 he has drained the life from me he also has weird voyeuristic habits with me that keeps me triggered im suicidal he just wants to masturbate watch me while im asleep without my consent its a nightmare

[@kaiwangsalsa]

It's also called " sexual abuse". They make u want to have sex with them but they physically rejected it. They want control u over and dominate the relationship by ur disappointment and fear. They feel Shame to chasing u so they switching the position from " chasing" to " be chased". Just from my personal experience. Wish I can help somehow by sharing this to everyone.

[@thuylu8479]

Thankssss❤ this what exactly i keep wondering and wondering during my 5 years marriage. He many times just kissed me then he denied sex, now i know that because he wants to control me and “be chased” with my disappointment and fear and confusion. I am living separately and about to complete divorce papers with him now👍

[@stasa-X]

I was in this marriage for twenty years and he always kissed me in front of people with passion but when returned home he refused to have sex. This situation was so confusing to me and i always wondered why? Fortunately 🤞 i divorced him and i have a ten years relationship with many respect, love and sex.

[@xochi8560]

To all who may be looking at this video and are in this type of marriage/relationship…you are deserving of love, respect and a happy life. Leave, save yourself, you are worthy.

[@KrystinaStar]

Thank you for this video. I'm also happy for the comments. This is me. I'm embarrassed to say that I've been married for 22 years and 15+ years and I've been in a sexless relationship for at least 15 years. I feel I deserve better but, stayed. I feel I ruined my life by staying. My relationship is even worse. I feel trapped over not having money to leave. I never cheated. I've lived without.

[@margogreen8619]

This is my life, no sex, no affection, nothing for the last 10 years!

[@lizbeskalis6735]

@margogreen8619 you are the only person who can decide to get out of the situation and have a wonderful life without him so do it!!! I did it and I am happy I did you are worth it 💕💕💕

[@tourdedogue4952]

Oh, just 10 years...please dear, know it won't change. Don't invest anymore time. Somebody out there will love you.

[@t_a_r_r_y_n_]

But he can name call you at a drop of a hat...

[@user-2911]

Who wants sex from an abuser? Valid question

[@valerienewsome3019]

What if it goes on for nearly a decade?

[@amygalvin1799]

Narcissists will make their partner feel responsible rather than admitting their dishonesty. They never take responsibility for their actions.

[@maciecs3263]

It’s like he treats u as an enemy but lives with u

[@ellesilverwolf4571]

Omg I also had my baby’s dad come out as trans after 5 years… two weeks after asking me to marry him … after bearing him a child and abandoning me while I was pregnant - it was mind blowing 😢

[@julietcoles6245]

Man, I am so sorry you experienced that.

[@mowiesissy7618]

My husband refused me on our honeymoon! Two years into the marriage I had breast cancer and he told me that he “cannot do this”! It broke me. 💕

[@judith5177]

I know how you feel. We didn’t have sex on our wedding night as he was too tired!

[@mrz.queent9174]

You won! You don’t want this type of men in your life hun ❤ sending you hugs

[@pattibates9407]

That’s cruel I’m so sorry 🙏

[@trannessa]

I hope you are in a better space and place, can't imagine and comprehend how lonely and devastating that was. Just know there is so much support out there to help you in healing your heart and spirit and reclaiming yourself from a person like that.

[@kimberlylovesYah]

​@@judith5177my ex husband did that me too! I cried myself to sleep

[@yorubabradley5707]

This explains so much! I finally got the courage to leave my husband of 30 years. Everyone outside of our home thought we were the example of a good marriage. After decades of trying to seduce my him, walking on egg shells, mind reading, advocating for potential I thought I saw, living with his perpetual dark cloud, stone walling & gas lighting I was beyond frustrated, unhappy & depressed - I realized I was in a toxic & abusive relationship made the decision to leave. It was the hardest thing I had to do (& I'm not a stranger to abandonment, abuse, neglect & death of loved ones). The grieving process was brutal - I didn't trust my myself. I didn't even know what I liked or enjoyed. I had to learn to exist with only me & find joy. I discovered how broken I am & it was a struggle to find my confidence because I had been faking it for so long. It is an ongoing journey. I'm in a very healthy relationship & I still fight the urge to run away when I overthink. Being in a healthy relationship triggers so many of the toxic experiences I endured. I'm learning to be present, relax, trust, enjoy & know I'm worthy of something so beautiful that I didn't know existed. ❤

[@yorubabradley5707]

@Sunflower-ug3eh It has been a painful journey & I've almost succeeded in self sabotaging my happiness & relationship numerous times. It's still a challenge for me & I'm actively doing the work on myself every day (some days are easier than others). So much so - there are times I get sick & tired of myself... lol! I had to realize & remember no one is going to save me or love me through the hurt & pain- despite me praying, getting upset & entering depths of depression I didn't know existed. Once you come to the revelation that you're truly enough & all you have, you'll attract the right one. I promise that you're more than worth it & anything is better than sitting in our trauma & allowing ourselves to quit- we're too resilient & loving to not find joy ♥️

[@CMichelleWhite]

@@Sunflower-ug3eh ⁠ if you’re in that type of relationship… It is so freeing to get the courage to leave. Once I left, I found a way (KZbin video, TikTok, etc) to love myself more than I would ever love anyone else. I began traveling and living my bed life! Fast forward I ran into him five years later and he apologize for all the bad ways he treated me. I responded that he only treated me bad a couple of times, and I treated myself bad the remainder of the times by staying with him. I refuse to be a victim anymore.

[@jeanmccallum-xs8rk]

Good for you.

[@victoriajarvis2260]

You are an inspiration to me.

[@Elsie144k]

My story also almost word for word. Still waiting on my happy ending relationship to make what I went through worth it. Nit sure it’s going to happen for me in this lifetime tho. So in the mean time just practice self love and more self love and getting real comfortable with the idea of being joyfully single forever

[@elizabethf8078]

Married 2 narcissists in a row, dated a few more, then figured out where my blind spots were. Now I watch and watch. It's epidemic worldwide, with men and women, and until I meet a good man who wants to be a good husband, I'm fine on my own 😁

[@KRedReads]

My last bf did this. I'm 100% sure he is on the spectrum. So a lot of his issues looked identical to narcissism. The reasons may have been different, but the effect was the same. And he definitely did it as a control and punishment thing as well. He didn't even like giving me hugs. It was awful. And it didn't start out that way. It was because I told him I didn't want to live with him. So he spent the next 3 months punishing me by being cold and completely unaffectionate. I've never in my entire life had to beg for affection in a relationship and l will never do it again. It was so awful and damaging.

[@donnamann5150]

I have been through the same situation and I do not not believe that the issues presented by autism are identical. I know that experts suggest that autism and narcissism can be confused, but I have no doubt that two states can just as readily co-exist in someone who is on the spectrum as someone who is not. Ask yourself this very simple question - is there any reason why a person on the spectrum cannot also be a narcissist? Having a spectrum disorder creates its own difficulties, but it does not excuse the abusive patterns that we are discussing here. Mental health and brain wiring are one thing. Having an abusive approach to relationships has is to do with the person's values. Unless we can say that a person on the spectrum has not beliefs or values that exist beyond their disorder? Think about it.

[@anitaknupp8718]

I cried. I put up with this for 30 years. I was a virgin when we married, but knew about 2 weeks in there was something wrong. It wasn't just with holding. He would look at me with such disgust and berate me. There weas one time when I was in a very high risk pregnancy, sex could cause me to lose the baby, and even die. He suddenly wanted sex. Same a few years ago. The night before my open heart surgery. Sex litteraly could have killed me. And here recently. I just didn't know what was going on. Now I do. So I'm gone.

[@jeanette1495]

Think it through financially with CPA. Leave, without going into poverty.

[@victoriaslife]

Sex can not make anyone die that is bs. I was in the orange unite which is as high risk as you can get and took lamaz class and I know for a fact that having sex will not kill you. I know people with heart trouble who can have slow sex and still survive.

[@Pedigree24]

😢 so sorry

[@junekibsey8541]

Okkk

[@bebetigre1252]

wanted sex when you were at risk is so you refuse and they can blame you as refusing sex.

[@anitalphillips]

Just had my 50th anniversary. 70 years old and thanks to this video I just happened upon, I finally understand my marriage and why I never seemed good enough. Thank you.

[@tourdedogue4952]

Wow, sorry. And, I thought 36 yrs was bad. I would have probably stayed longer but he had an affair! (jezus-did they have sex?!) What a bloody waste of time on my part.

[@lb3410]

I'm sorry you've had to feel that. I'm coming up on 28 years of marriage and I'm grateful to be learning now and hopeful that even if I never have another relationship I will someday be free from this one. He controls all the money and I can't afford to get a lawyer or even to fill out the paperwork to file by myself, but he has more than enough money to hire a lawyer, and has told me he doesn't care if it costs upwards of 40,000.00 he will fight everything in our divorce, he says child support is theft, I'm terrified he's going to be able to take everything away from me and so I am still here. Sharing a bedroom with our 5-year-old daughter and accepting whatever treatment he dishes out.

[@momzies93]

@@lb3410you need to seek help!! He is abusing you! Please… find someone or an organization to help you! You have a little girl who needs protection and needs you to stand up for her as well!!

[@anne-vl7qf]

You’re good enough ❤❤

[@gige0156]

You’re not only GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR HIM. REPEAT THAT. GIRL. YOU ARE TOOOOOOO GOOD FOR HIM.

[@TheWell22]

Exact description of what my 6yr marriage was like,you hit the nail on the head with church,medicines,a real awakened video. I ended my marriage,got free&did2courses to educate myself on DV,incuding emotional control,i certainly got my 'Freedom Eyes' then you see abuse and control everywhere in this world. Know your worth,keep loving you and modelling that to others,set clear boundaries,become aware of red flags by educating yourselves about abuse and personality traits like narcissism. I met my husband in a church, it begins with charming kindness,love bombing,generosity,romance,constant texts&calls,generous gifts,hotels,shopping sprees,all a grand delusion. They are terrible with money&lacking transparency &no accountability, break agreements,lie often. I feel blessed to have escaped but takes years to properly heal. Great video, people need to learn this stuff,understanding releases us from the prison of our own mind where we interpretted Their behaviours as being about us&how unattractive we are,self doubt,suspicion,self consciousness,self loathing,self rejection... ooh the vile personality of those partners. Get away and never look back,go NO contact,its the only way.

[@CS-bs3le]

I thought something was wrong with me. Did a lot of damage to my self esteem. Still having difficulty with intimacy 20 years later with my new husband, thankfully he gets it and is extremely loving and patient.

[@bonitajolie9341]

Spot on. I lived it for 11 years! I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Been free now for almost a decade, thank the Lord!! I'd rather be alone than to live in that hell ever again!!! Be safe ladies. ❤️

[@cassandrachristian4328]

Same! I was married for 11 yr and divorced for 11 years now. It really was torture. I'm sorry you went through it too. ❤

[@wendyhannan2454]

Be selective ladies, there’s so many controlling narcissistic men out there. If you suspect their controlling, and you think you can change them, think again, you can’t !! They never change, and they know exactly what their doing.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Same 11 years he’s withdrawn from sex . We had frank discussions . We are now splitting up

[@benedictaanyigba9817]

I did for 12 years . Nobody understands you. People think you're making up stories. Here I am narcissist free. It's the worst experience anyone can go through.

[@helenduffy6642]

It's wonderful to know that other women have been through the same as me and can now share.

[@deblay7347]

Well my bf has been doing this for the last few weeks but what he doesn't realize is that I do not feel unattractive because I have other men that are trying to be in a relationship with me. He just told me yesterday that a few weeks ago he told his mother that he wanted to break up with me and instead of getting upset I said "Let's do this" and "that is a great idea". And now he is back tracking and saying that he was just mad at me a few weeks ago and that is not how he feels now. Funny thing is I no longer want this relationship with him and summer is coming and men are waiting sooooo....... Let the party begin!! 😛

[@djwendy]

I love it

[@angelika87]

yup a boyfriend who refuses sex has 0% power over your sexuality. hes only a bf. his days are numbered. a man who doesn't enjoy sex is not husband material.

[@susanvanwyk1806]

Leave him!🎉

[@scheamelbates786]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿💕💕

[@lynnfincham6839]

Your doing the right thing - get out quick

[@sonyasspot355]

My ex use control not to have sex with me. I end up cheating on him, and moved on with my life. I really got tired playing his games.

[@ozarkmountainmomma6028]

Currently going through this as a 32 yr old mother who homeschools. Did work at the School until Dec 2023. We will go months at a time. No compliments.. no flowers... no birthday dinners... no anniversary gifts. 11 yrs married & 16 yrs together. I try to live for God & do right for my child. While I'm running to God, he's running to the devil. My mother & grandmothers have passed & my father was an alcoholic turned pain clinic patient. Who i met at 6 & left at 16 due to abuse. I am finally at my breaking point. Exhausted & sick feeling. From facebook videos of young girls to porn sites... Never understood why a man would rather look at a woman online when they have the real deal at home. It may take me 1 - 2 months to gather finances, leave, & have him served with papers.. but that's how it must be, or him & his mother will hang me out back to dry & take my child. & she is all i have on this earth. 💔🥺🙏

[@Seminal_Ideas]

You've absolutely nailed this. My own father literally destroyed his marriage to a beautiful wife in order to lord it over her. My mother was crushed, and was always second guessing his actions. Denied any affection and constantly criticized. Her deeply religious conditioning meant that divorce was not an option. My siblings and I walked on eggshells. Arguments, put-downs and the silent treatment were the norm. Hell on Earth. F*cking stress that's ruined our marriages, all four of us are now divorced. Thank you so much for your insights.

[@TheRoyalWe]

Thank you for watching

[@Seeker0fTruth]

@@sophiyahsunflower7259 amen

[@Seminal_Ideas]

@@sophiyahsunflower7259 well done for finding the inner strength. I hope you discover a deep peace in your precious life.

[@deborahwilcox5716]

I am so sorry you had to endure such a horrible existence as a child. So sad

[@carollancaster2389]

My Father did this with my Mother..cheating on her with another woman..and so did my husband.

[@mieshiagant]

I’m dealing with a narc husband currently. I’m so thankful I am strong willed because I haven’t lost my mind. I’ve been married for 26 months and weave had sex maybe 8 times. It’s about to come to an end because I’m not the one for the BS!! 😅

[@badnana1833]

A little over 26 months married here also. God has been bringing these types of videos up since about 4 months after that and I dismissed it. First anniversary was like I was a widow and found out he was trying to hook up with a multitude of women online, paying for viewing and way to much more. He did go to a therapist but the only change is he isn't trying to hook up and views for free. These videos kept on popping up so I have done hardcore binge watching and finishing my 2 book. Now that I know what he is, this is intentional and not based off the reason for his short term therapy; there will never be another opportunity for him to manipulate me again. I'll be adjusting my crown like a daughter of the One True King does and kicking evil out

[@karensaville913]

Good for you ...run I did ...it's a form of abuse...after 6ths of marriage mine was destroying me..just end it

[@joymcarthur5429]

Seriously, throw his a$$ out and find someone who will appreciate you.

[@MamaK1776]

Well done! I was researching annulment 3 weeks in, kicked out of marriage counseling at 4 yes bc he was wasting the counselirs time. Stuck it out and fought it til year 12. Been 9n my own 12 years now. I regret the time I wasted, what my kids witnessed, I do not regret standing and fighting. It didn't help the situation, but I kept a bit of my strength

[@janeaustentv9226]

Get out of this toxic relationship now plz. I hung out for 29 years don’t do this to yourself.

[@vickie5394]

Oh my this is so much what happened to me! No sex, a hug or kisses. He used it all against me to hurt me. He told me a couple weeks ago...give me a reason to love you! Screw that! He went totally psychotic and kicked me out. I had already planned to leave in 2 months to build up just a bit more money. I'd rather be dirt poor right now than be treated like his doormat. God has showed me the light!!

[@user-gl9jc2xu3z]

The truth never fails to beat up a narcissist’s lies and ego. It has a tendency to deflate them. Having a narcissist as a spouse or companion is a lonely experience and they become extremely jealous when others are happy. They don’t deserve an explaination when they’re dumped.

[@biondna7984]

For 24 years together, he openly flirted with other women in front of me. I became alcoholic, figuring I didn't deserve better treatment. I guess it was to show me that I was no big deal to him, to show me he'd do whatever he wanted, although I sensed he never had sex with anyone else. He usually ejaculated early, once telling me it was to keep from giving me pleasure, as he resented my expressing my own sexual needs. He grew more demanding of sex and viewed it as my job to provide. I resented him for that and other issues, finally hating him. I quit drinking and gave up on "us." I only grieved the pain it gave our two sons. Two years after the divorce, I met and married a wonderful man who showed me what it is to be cherished, and with whom I enjoyed joyous, intense, playful sex. Even my sons valued him. Sadly, he died two years ago. I can recognize the signs of a narcissist now: any "love-bombing" instantly kills every chance they might've had with me.

[@treelover1050]

So glad you finally met a man who loved and respected you. That's what a good marriage can be about.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Sex is so over rated. It's boring and repetative. I hate sex.

[@stardustsparkles22]

I'm being love bombed right now.

[@kathyglass2922]

​@Reese Daniel maybe your partner is the problem

[@Prometheuspredator]

I am so very sorry for you loss. God Bless you. Glad you found your soul mate.

[@feminineheart]

Dealt with this for 34 years. Finally realized my husband was gay, even though he denied it for years. He hasn’t come out of the closet yet, but this is definitely a thing. Always suspected from the very beginning but I was 18 when we got together.

[@brookedeweaver0771]

Mine was gay took me 10 years to discover. I still stayed because I loved him so much, and got abused endlessly. Covert narcissism is the ugliest human trait ever imagined

[@gaetanemcgraw5567]

Yes. I only was with him for a year but within the first few months I knew he was gay. I even asked him the question. He flew into a rage. I stayed a few more months. We practically had no intimacy. I left him. His supply of women is just a cover up. He is gay.

[@feminineheart]

@@gaetanemcgraw5567 did he have deep misogyny? Because woman hatred and male homosexuality are linked in some cases not all. They have a disgust for women but a homoerotic obsession with men. Of course they’d never ever admit it. So sorry you went through this- at least you’re out.

[@pamelabarone5868]

I totally have been there and I understand. 🙏

[@pamelabarone5868]

@@brookedeweaver0771 😢I was in the same boat.

[@Occams_Razor489]

I found this video and now I’m hooked. I’ve not experienced anything like this thank God and when I read the comments from women who did or do I can’t imaging living like this. Throughout life we all hear stories about narcissists and narcissistic abuse but I never ever understood or never could put a measure on the levels and types of the abuse these men cause. For me the personality of these men are definitely on the spectrum of the dark triad. How in the world do these women ever heal after surviving something like this?

[@maryd253]

My hubby acted like I wasn’t even there in the room, like my needs weren’t important. Then one day, zip, all done. I tried talking to him. Absolutely no response. I told him I needed at least affection. No response. Absolutely 😳 that he could be that way. We are still together but I just got on with my life. We are housemates. That’s it. I’d like a friend/lover but I just fill the void and not expect too much else from him these days.

[@rocheller750]

This is so spot on. Sex with my ex was always so weird and confusing. I got sick and tired of the games and manipulations because of his insecurities. He preferred having sex with a computer screen until I lost interest, and then I was accused of being non-sexual and frigid. I’m so glad I’m out of that crazy relationship.

[@barbaragraham-siegenthaler]

Sounds exactly like it, and then came the weird addictions… really sich, and now I am in the process of getting out. I am so glad and can feel peace again.

[@iseeyall]

I was so glad when I no longer wanted sex or any affection from him - Oh happy day

[@pamelabarone5868]

That is what happened to me as well. You are not alone.

[@helenduffy6642]

I was in the same boat as you. Thanks 😢

[@matildagreene1744]

The sexuality of men is all about fantasy. They don't speak about that reality or are ever honest about it. That's probably a good thing. No women would want one...LOLOL.🤣

[@IndigoRoses7]

Also, be aware of when you're texting your partner and they suddenly go take a nap, "go to bed early" or "passed out on the couch and didn't mean to" ..these are all codes for cheating, talking to other supply, or watching 🌽 The first time I really felt in my gut that my narc ex was cheating on me, he told me he had a headache and was going to bed and he'd talk to me tomorrow..it was 6pm. Thankfully, we weren't married. It was still an agonizing, scary breakup. I know it's a scary thought to leave when you're contemplating it. But your life will get better the second you are no longer in the grips of their abuse. Every day is better than the last. I urge every person here stuck in a marriage with a narcissist to find a way out. Life's too short to not be treated the way you deserve - being alone is better

[@life-rethought]

yes life is too short to waste on the abuse. much respect for your words.

[@bornagain2890]

Oh my dear young lady I am so glad you are not married to him!!!

[@julienatoli8561]

...and when you have God in your life, you really & truly are never alone. The holy Spirit is very, very real and when He lives in your heart, you are absolutely never ever alone. You get really good at not second -guessing yourself. You get really good at listening to & obeying that still small voice on the inside. Freedom is peaceful, & the peaceful are powerful. God bless you.✝️🙏🕊️❣️

[@transitionsnc]

You make some excellent points about the seemingly plausible excuses.

[@yendong2004]

Wow I've had all of those texts and trusted too much.

[@Janet1975]

I’m almost 3 years divorced from my narcissistic ex and now I FINALLY understand. Crazy. Sick. Thanks for this video.

[@LittleCarol]

You nailed it. It's all about control...It takes years to recover, as these men drip acid onto your heart, which eventually eats away at your soul.

[@RiversRun]

After you leave and see the amount of people who hit on you, send you Flowers, take you out, hold your door etc; you realize it ISNT that you're not desirable. They're just sick is all. I always tell people it WASNT YOUR FAULT.

[@debraanchante3661]

Ok after hearing the number one reason that makes sense too.. my ex was sadistic. He liked hurting me. So he knew that withholding sex and all affection really hurt me. He knew that I like to cuddle in bed, so he never would come to bed with me. If he knew I liked something he’d deny me that thing. If we were going on vacation and he asked where I wanted to go, I couldn’t tell him because for sure we wouldn’t go there. What movie do you want to see?? I just eventually learned to say, whatever you want is fine with me. But denying sex was a special kind of cruelty.. I was never so lonely and empty as I was while married to him.

[@mollyoneil809]

Same here. Absolutely heartbreaking

[@motiff3352]

I’m not equally yoked. Every single reason 4 through 1 was directly on point. Thank you for the knowledge. I faced a hard truth that is also confirmation. Amen 🙏🏿

[@karenwatts6652]

Wow....just WOW!!!😮 This answers so many questions and relieves me of so much guilt and self-blame. #1 is too close to the truth. Thank you for putting this out there.