Sex withholding narcissists

[@life-rethought]

yes I was mocked, gaslit, and humiliated for a year and a half. and yes I took the ring off. I am divorced now. I had waited 16 years to honor my husband on Biblical principles. and make sex a significant gift. the greatest devaluing of all that I experienced. I was never as ALONE as when I was WITH HIM.

[@bonitajolie9341]

Exactly!! It's cruel and demonic!! Glad you got out. ❤

[@cassiebennet4262]

They rob you of solitude while depriving you of company. Non human entities.

[@life-rethought]

@@bonitajolie9341 when I look at what I wrote that was the biggest betrayal of all. whew.... ♥

[@joycetallman1939]

I agree, it is the greatest devaluing thing they can do to you. They try to kill you from the inside out. If you keep going along with it, it will. Take care of your own mental and physical well-being . Sending love to all that suffering right now, your not alone.

[@sonyaminiear9123]

Amen to that!

[@calgal5752]

It isn’t just sex, it’s the total lack of any sort of intimacy! I don’t want to be his “friend”! BTW you don’t have to be married to be in this situation.

[@MS-yf9dw]

"The total lack of any sort of intimacy." I have a wife like that... It was the anniversary of her mother's death, I came up to hug her... And nothing happened! She did not embrace me. She did not kiss me. She was standing there, after I let go of her, just like she was when I approached her: one hand, holding the other, behind her back. Her hands did not move... Her face, too. Just like her body, frozen. No kiss, no smile, no thank you. Nothing. A freeze, fight, or flight response? To me, it felt like a visit to a museum... and me trying to cozy up to one of the sculptures there! She was like some antique statue. Beautiful, but cold. And unmoved. This was not a one off occurrence... There is no connection nowadays between me and my wife, and I don't know the reason for it. Is she with someone else, and this is the reason she lost all feelings for me? Is it menopause? Something to do with her hormones? Is she a narcissist? Breadcrumbing sex to me, once every six months? I have no idea what's going on inside her head. She wasn't like this in the beginning. She said she wanted kids. And to have a kid, you have to have sex... And we did. Many times. And ended up, with 3 kids. So what happened? She never told me of being attacked or raped. What happened to her? Why did she change so much? Is this the discard? Is she trying to make me leave? A reverse discard? Well, if so, she was successful. I'm already talking to divorce lawyers about my situation.

[@calgal5752]

@@MS-yf9dw That is so incredibly sad. I wish you the best and hope you can find a fulfilling life. ♥️

[@sasamilic9374]

I stop asking my wife for sex after trying for 5 years... I was still begging for hugs and to hold hands ... :( Took me way too long to realize what evil she is...

[@reneelibby4885]

after a while, you won't even be friends.

[@calgal5752]

@@reneelibby4885 Exactly

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

I took the "for better or worse" language way too seriously. That's slave language. A contract broken is a contract broken. Don't be the only one upholding your end of the deal.

[@susanamilano]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@muma6559]

me too, too principled for my own good. We all live and learn...

[@user-vs1tc3kj3z]

It's slavery when it's unreciprocated.

[@ElimEx1]

@@user-vs1tc3kj3z It is even when reciprocated.

[@bluuper321]

Exactly!! If they broke it, it’s gone. Period

[@philmorrison6898]

Speaking from experience, the reason why they are withholding is because you’re not their primary supply! Get away before your heart is broken! Leave before they tell you, because you’re atrocious! Happened to me!

[@shelleyd9910]

Or they prefer porn.

[@jillclark4876]

Not true for me. Mine used it as a manipulation tool.

[@juanadrianrobaina5763]

Same here,he uses withholding sex when I don't do what he wants me to😢😮

[@nicoleowens2318]

I think a big part of it was mine was TERRIBLE in bed. I realize now, he told me I was fat and unattractive (I was pregnant) but he was awful, I mean awful in bed. It's hard to keep up appearances when you are so obviously lacking, easier to just talk to a bunch of women for narcissistic supply. That's what mine did, anyways.. and for the record I don't mean size, I mean quick, lack of effort, no foreplay, etc..

[@philmorrison6898]

@@nicoleowens2318 I’m so sorry to hear that! Perhaps we needed to learn something from those demons! Namasta, remember who you are!

[@2ndLife888]

I can’t believe how many people have had the same problem as me for over 20 years. I have felt so alone. I could never figure it out. We went through so many years of couples therapy only for him to never change. All the games and manipulation were infuriating. Finally I am in the process of leaving. Thank u all for sharing your stories. ❤

[@itsarianastarz]

Me too. I have had this problem for 20 years. I tried to understand and talk. He always has reasons that he wants to but no effort. It is so draining and hurtful.

[@dannmurray1199]

Did you not have connection and intimacy in ways other than sex? Was there total disconnect in everything?

[@chascossa]

​@dannmurray1199 for me there was a total disconnect in everything. No intimacy, only sex when it was good for him...And same as the other comments, 20 years before I realized what was happening.

[@Livinginacardboardbox]

I woke up one morning and said to myself I have put up with this abuse for 20 years & I'm not doing it for another 20 years. And moved out. And divorced him. Best decision I ever made.

[@ritapeters1330]

​@@dannmurray1199that is it, it is primarily about punishment and control

[@Healinglove]

They have very, very serious "mommy" issues.

[@gorunsko31]

💯 correct

[@muma6559]

yes ! very sad. their mother's terribly neglected and/or abused them. Mothers can be the worst people on this earth

[@bonitajolie9341]

​@@muma6559YES!!! His mom abandoned him and his father raised him.

[@cassiebennet4262]

It took me years to realize that my husband was punishing me for the emotional neglect and abuse from his mother. It never occurred to me that she was that way because he always spoke of her like she was a faultless saint. Then one day one his friend told me that my husband would get drunk and call his mother and rage at her periodically before we were married. So now I'm the surrogate for his mother. 😥

[@Healinglove]

@@cassiebennet4262 , I'm so sorry you're ex this toxic behavior. Are you still with your abuser?

[@suzismith9681]

I took my ring off. He never even noticed. That was goodbye, why hang around for a looser like that? Make the life you are dreaming of. 😊

[@MarinaM-o6p]

They avoid it with the person in “ relationship “ because they have a SIDE PIECE OR MANY SIDE PIECES ….INCLUDING PORN , SEXTING , AND SERIAL EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL AFFAIRS .

[@muma6559]

Do you think some may be asexual ?

[@Ciara246]

Yes mine was using work as an excuse or He was watching a film and he would come to bed but always found him on the setee near enough every night with the laptop next to him !

[@writervictoria]

They also use masturbation and random hook ups with prostitutes and sleeping with their work clients.

[@ryanrichards8340]

​@@Ciara246 Yes! Same thing here....ALWAAYS on a device. Morning, noon, and night.

[@ryanrichards8340]

Yes. This is accurate. And they think you do not know 🤣 while they are behaving this way on purpose right in front of you.

[@RRS78999]

Best moment of my life was deciding to take off my ring and leave. He did this to me for 20+ years. I was a faithful and excellent Christian wife. I wish I knew this sooner!! The church DOES NOT care or understand this topic. I stayed WAY TOO LONG and needed understanding about narcissism and permission to leave as a Christian.

[@shirleejohnson6731]

What does christianity have to do with your personal needs. You never need permission to have your needs met. Our society is so hung up on sex that it is just so toxic.

[@martinadewsnap2337]

@@shirleejohnson6731 Some of us do get married and make a promise to their partner they intend to leave by, and that is good!

[@MS-yf9dw]

The Baptism of our kids. The priest asks me, if we have a church wedding. No. The next time I go there, I hear the same question... Maybe he forgot? I told him how bad my wife was, the first time we talked. I told him that I'm not thinking about marriage. If anything, I'm thinking about a divorce. Maybe he forgot our conversation? Or didn't recognize me? From my experience, priests are not the right people to talk to about problems in a marriage. Or about divorce. They are programmed to say things like "Till death do as part" and "Each one of us must carry our own cross".

[@reneelibby4885]

and why is it a woman's duty and not a man's!!

[@ElimEx1]

@@shirleejohnson6731 Christianity commands women to not have needs and to suppress themselves. It's slavery and is the root cause for all that is evil. Pity not more people see that.

[@skylyn3745]

Ha! Sex? What sex?! My ex-narc husband watched porn, took care of himself numerous times a day, and only wanted to fulfill his own fetish desire by crossdressing. 🤮🤮 He wanted to be more "sensual" than sexual. This video is spot on. Now I can understand why his former ex-wife cheated on him. I am now 2 years free of him and happily single!!

[@kellyanndean9374]

Sick o!🤮

[@RightofCenter]

My one tube of lipstick is has been dugout to the bottom…I don’t wear lipstick. He buys me lots of lingerie’s but we don’t have sex.

[@skylyn3745]

@@RightofCenter 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@megscott222]

Mine too. I found a stash of his women's lingerie and it was bigger than mine. He also smokes meth behind my back and was on gay dating sights. It all makes me sick. I just don't make enough money to live on my own😢

[@octoberdawn1087]

Yup. My ex, too.

[@MsAvignon]

This was painful to watch, it really hit home. The ‘all you ever think about is sex, there’s something wrong with you’ when we hadn’t had sex for years. ‘Did you ever think there’s something wrong with you, otherwise we’d be having sex.’ (There’s never any consistency in his arguments, he could switch from ‘we have sex all the time, you just want to complain’, to ‘of course we never have sex because YOU never want it.’) If he did agree he’d just lie there, not touching me at all. And switch between telling me I’m so unattractive that no one would ever want me to accusing me of having affairs.

[@muma6559]

"just lie there" and close his eyes, like he's not there ? Deeply wounded sadly, and something we cannot fix.

[@lb3410]

You're not alone. My husband stopped initiating sex 16 years ago. At first, I thought it was because he was recovering from a heart attack. I tried talking to him about it, usually every 3 months or so I would initiate a conversation, and then within the month we would have sex. But after a few years of this I dialed back the conversations to every 6 months, then when I finally realized we were only ever intimate if I asked him nicely, "Can we please have sex?" I felt like I was begging, so I stopped. I continued to try to have conversations about it, but he would blow me off. It's been 16 years since I had sex I didn't ask nicely for, and it's been almost 10 years since I had sex at all. I also heard the comments about how I must be a sex addict, all I ever think about is sex, there must be something wrong me, etc... It really messes with your head. I had no idea my sex life was going to be over at the age of 34. The last time I tried to have a conversation with him about it was about a year and a half ago when he told me I was trying to teach him a lesson by not asking nicely anymore. I'm so tired of absolutely everything that goes wrong being my fault somehow. We're separated now.

[@MsAvignon]

I’m so sorry, I’m truly sorry for anyone going through that, the worst of it is the way it messes with your mind. I really wanted to ‘solve’ the issue and was prepared to do whatever it took, and as a result wasted a lot of effort, time, money, and endless heartache on it. I’m old and at the time we were married any problem with sex was always considered to be the woman’s fault, I wouldn’t have dared tell anyone, they’d have just said I should get my hair done or buy a new dress and that’d fix everything. It’s been a huge relieve to realize I’m not alone, and was never alone, so I thank anyone who can tell their stories. I wish you well going ahead, and that you get the love and respect you deserve.

[@windyradke1124]

Word for word. Wish I had the strength to walk like all that have commented on t this video.

[@MS-yf9dw]

Making me feel guilty for wanting sex... It was never the right time for her. She would wake up at 5:55 and start listening to some podcast. It was more important than me... Always, always, there was something that had to be done first: I have to go to the toilet. I have to get the kids ready for school... And it was like this all day long, till night, till the next morning. "Can't you see I'm studying?" "I'm working!" "I'm tired!" "Let me sleep!" I agree with you, no consistency... She had no problem in switching from basically the leave me alone message, to: you never come to me. What? How many times have I tried. How many times did she say "no" to me. And now she has the audacity to tell me that I do not initiate? What's wrong with her. Memory loss? Never once, in the 15 years that we've been together, did she use her hand on me. And always, her excuse was "a painful wrist." And then, one day, she comes back with bruises on her thighs. I asked her what happened. "It's from the pole dancing class I'm attending." No wrist problem here. How strange... She can support her entire body hanging on the pole, but she couldn't pleasure me because of the pain in her wrist? Something doesn't add up here. One lie is not compatible with the other lie. It's her poor memory, yet again. She couldn't remember what she had said to me so many times before. Maybe the bruises were, in fact, from the pole. Or from a very violent lover. She never took me to her pole dancing class. Because I have never seen it with my own eyes, it's just a story she told me. Just a story... I don't know whether to believe it or not. If the pole dance class was real, her weak wrist must have been a lie, all along. Just like I suspected from the beginning, that it was just an excuse. No truth in it. I think these natcissists, they tell so many lies that they can not remember what they said, and to whom.

[@jessicakim2511]

I don't understand why anyone would prefer to have power and control rather than sex. That seems extremely weird to me.

[@francikeen]

It is weird, but it's real.

[@DONUT2858]

Yeah I find it really hard to believe honestly you'd think narcissists would want and demand sex constantly lol

[@neromax4424]

Cause it feels better. If I want to feel an orgasm I'll jerk off its all the same to me and then I still have miss crying about no sex when its been 2 months denied. Fuck em.

[@Gameforsale]

Because as corny as it sounds sex is a form of love or expression of it and love will trump ill wills so if the love is there then that means no room for anything else and they can’t be without control because their mission is to control to feed themselves. Just my humble opinion

[@taleandclawrock2606]

I wasted 5 years in this kind of relationship. As an older and deeply isolated woman, i suppose i thought at least the companionship was lovely. Until 6 weeks after he asked me to marry him, i found out he was sweet talking and stayed with a woman he met online on a dating app. I dont know if its just me he didnt make love with, or all his women, but i feel the female version of emasculated, so humiliating. Killed me inside. Its hard to realise how unhealthy my early life was, that i thought that was all i was worth. I know i can take much better care of myself,and im working on that.

[@elyse2440]

It’s true. My ex was just like this. It was only once I left he suddenly decided he wanted it, too late.

[@maxsmith3335]

I am literally blown away by all of the women commenting that their husbands are the ones withholding.

[@michaeljames33xx]

Yeah horeshit....there using this platform to get off on bashing men an cucking them both this guy an these woman need to be off the streets

[@robinfleet7094]

Are the men truly withholding or are they just afraid to initiate. Women can initiate sex without to many issues, but men have been backed into a corner, they must have consent to initiate or face a world of issues (legal, moral, societal) and this consent has to be concrete and trustable. This is the world I currently live in, I don't initiate because of a long history of a lack of consent and that has instilled an uncertainty of approachability. If my wife initiated sex we would have it, but she doesn't and that reinforces the feeling of no consent. I have been married 29 years and spent the last 22 years without consent. I have been taught not to ask.

[@SENSEF]

​@@robinfleet7094 I innitate and get turned down. And then he makes himself out to be morally superior for not needing it anymore. 🙄 This is a very real problem not caused by women. Just because you can't relate doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

thats because they are all lying narcs trying to gaslight and play victimhhod

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

@@SENSEF oh the victim card and gaslighting tactics every fking time .

[@ThisWorldIsNotMyHome]

I wish that I had heard this 20 years ago. I heard all of these excuses and more, and stayed with her until about 8 years ago when I finally caught her cheating. When I caught her, she tried to make me feel like a bad person for not trusting her and checking to see where she was going when she would disappear for a few hours. While she also used every excuse you mentioned, the two excuses she used the most to reject me were, "I'm too dirty from work and need a shower," and "I just took a shower and don't want to get dirty again." It's enough to drive anyone insane.

[@nessaness2328]

Witholding is just a form of control. Very manipulative. It is part of the devaluation phase. Run Run Run 🏃‍♀️ from a person like this ASAP.

[@life-rethought]

punishment.

[@jeffreyconnor9769]

Or they’re cheating on you.

[@nessaness2328]

@@jeffreyconnor9769 yep or that.

[@avaelizabeth4808]

it is hard if a big family with grandchildren is entwined.As well as a lifetime of savings due to years of hard work.

[@DoreenLundbohn]

😮​@@jeffreyconnor9769

[@dotsonms]

I wish this information was around 20 years ago 😢

[@robbiewooden5067]

Yes

[@robbiewooden5067]

Yes

[@2ndLife888]

Ditto!

[@vandanachuttur5613]

I'm completing my 20 years nxt year...don't know what to do now with my two children....I have been praying so much to find out what was his problem...and here is the naked truth which I have been looking for for years like a crazy

[@laurasmith9726]

Me too. Could have saved me a lot of time and money.

[@jennifermiller5041]

I hear you, Kevin. I see you.. I thought I was needy... I now realise I just desired intimacy.

[@michaeljames33xx]

Yup I know guy Kevin to who wife cheated on him with army guy lol

[@tag_76]

I'd add one more to the mix. They finally agree and just lay there putting zero effort in while prefacing the interaction with saying "ok, let's make this quick".

[@muma6559]

yeah, someone else said the same, "just lay there", not emotionally in it, checked out.

[@Darkatlas_23]

Or they convince you to have a quicky

[@devaughnsalter6264]

Yeah. This one is equal to the inconvenient timing of her initiation.

[@MS-yf9dw]

Just lying there. I don't know what to compare it to. Having sex with a corpse? No. Her body was warm. Then perhaps, having sex with a star fish? Her mouth, not reacting to my kisses. Her arms, not embracing me. Her legs, not embracing me. As you can tell from this description, I've been there. And it's not a nice memory to have. As to let's make this quick: she removed my condom. Probably to have me reach orgasm more quickly... Probably, because she was tired of having me on top of her. I think "Let's get it over with" is a more accurate description of what happened... To me, it just seems more appropriate... "Let's make this quick" just doesn't carry the same weight, of disgust.

[@joekresan8990]

Yeah. Nice to feel wanted.

[@theautodidacticman_]

Intimacy is the only thing that separates a relationship from a friendship.

[@LadyEpileptic]

@@theautodidacticman_ Rude

[@LadyEpileptic]

@@theautodidacticman_ I just made the mistake of commenting on one of your comments. I can tell now that You are obviously an ignorant sheltered child.

[@Fucyourfeelings]

Its not a friendship.

[@Fucyourfeelings]

@@theautodidacticman_ really? You need help figuring this out?

[@magicalbeatsuk]

​@@theautodidacticman_I think you said it perfectly

[@coconutyogagirl3336]

That’s all you think about. Wow that hit home. It’s not just sex it’s any affection. No hugs even or make out session, hand holding etc

[@maxsmith3335]

I cannot even remotely comprehend a man saying that to his woman!

[@reneelibby4885]

it ALL goes away.

[@judd0112]

Same situation. Wife says that alls I think about is sex. And my response is that’s the only time I have any contact with you. Not allowed to touch or anything. A day After sex she said one time when I tried to hold her in bed that “you just touched me the other day “. There’s like a mandatory minimum days. Yet I’m the crazy one who thinks it’s not right. Or she’s too tired to talk right now.

[@Billy-the-Kid]

For most real men being intimate/having sex is a need. It's his way to stay connected. When cut off the relation is spiraling downwards.

[@outofserviceone]

I let my ex do these things way to long. When he said all you think about is sex. It hit home. She always said that she didn't want to do anything because she felt like a piece of meat while withholding even making out or hugging. Also her messaging me while at work wanting me to come home and have sex only for when I would actually get home she would no longer be in the mood and tell me I missed my chance.

[@pinkposey8134]

A lot of these people have a side gig going, and have been satisfied elsewhere. I let him go......... to those other women, they can all sort it out.

[@muma6559]

and then accept him back ?? Back and forth ? Are you kidding ?

[@pinkposey8134]

complete no contact, for years now. @@muma6559

[@not2longnow]

Yes, unless you're switched on to it. Its called 'hoovering' too. Always going back and forth. Your put on a pedestal

[@irismartinez5753]

My ex narc never wanted to wear a ring. I bought him many different ones that he said he liked, yet he never wore any of them. He never made love to me, wasted years. I am pretty, not fat, fit, educated, good Christian woman who works a stressful job, cleans cooks and keeps a house, yet nothing.

[@kirjoy991]

I am the same, and still in this relationship. Read Joel 2:25- Talks about how God restores the years. Amen He will.

[@christinamichellephotograp8728]

It had nothing to do with you. They CAN NOT love. It's a brain disorder. It's like wondering why a person in a wheelchair can't get up and walk with you or pick you up. You could be anything and he would never be able to love you. It was wasted years but the point is to leave and move on.

[@repennington7137]

Don’t count on it! I was married for 45 years and finally realized that if I didn’t leave I would die from the stress of being married to a sociopath with narcissistic tendencies. I’m so so sorry that I didn’t know that I had Biblical grounds for divorce from the first year of marriage.

[@tranquility9325]

The more you do the less they appreciate you.

[@pukegreenpea4628]

This video unearthed my buried anger and sadness. My spouse and I used to go at it like rabbits. That started to fizzle out after we’d gotten married. He didn’t even want me on our wedding night. He wanted to go to a karaoke bar instead. That always hurt me. And once we got serious about having kids and I was so excited to start a family, he didn’t touch me for nearly a year. I can count on one hand how many times he’s been intimate with me these past two years. I am so gutted by his lack of interest.

[@Shut-up-Shelly]

Same no sex on wedding night, and he didn’t even tell his family we got married!! Get out now do not look back. This will never stop. We have to stop them, they will play with you forever. They do not love you they are sick. It’s all about controlling you. They are demons.

[@Adrianafaith123]

Oh that is so sad...I'm sorry

[@chyrrlmiller6216]

I have much the same experience. He is deceased now -

[@MS-yf9dw]

Same here. The only difference being: it's my wife... No wedding night. And can count on one hand. The same. December than June then November and nothing so far. 5 or 6 months apart, during the past two years. Same! :)

[@johnnycorn7225]

As a way over sexed even at 50 Italian guy this just sounds so crazy to me!? Poor thing, with men having nine times the testosterone sex drive hormone than you do you can rest assured there was something severely dysfunctioning in his brain and personality, glad your out, you deserve better.

[@MelancholyRequiem]

My narc ex-husband withholding sex from me is what saved me from his mistress's herpes.

[@allison471]

Exactly!! Blessing in disguise really 😊

[@holysmoxes1270]

God’s protection

[@MS-yf9dw]

My wife infected me with... I don't know exactly what! At first she told me it's acne rosacea. Then her version changed, "I never told you it's acne rosacea! It's erysipelas!" It keeps changing... Now it's rubella. I don't know what to believe anymore. But perhaps she knew she had it, and this was the reason she was withholding sex from me? It's one, of many possible explanations... Hormonal changes? Menopause? A nice young lover, making me seem unatractive by comparison? Who knows... All I know is, after kissing her, my nose and the skin around it turned red. It was painful to the touch, both inside and out. And during the night, while I was sleeping, I got a nosebleed. Bought some tests. Will see what they show. Probably nothing. They are all for venereal diseases. And I was wearing a condom... At least, I hope, I didn't catch anything down there.

[@Constantine-i1e]

​Go get a blood test..now. ​@@MS-yf9dw

[@missyv9581]

Yeah mine came home with crabs.

[@christinewagner1722]

I’ve appreciated all of your videos, Kevin, and feel that this is one of the best because it answers some questions I’ve had from my 30 year marriage relationship. I never understood why my now ex desired me more before our marriage than after. I believe you hit the nail on the head in saying that they just wanted to break down your boundaries before marriage. Also, never understood why he dropped off having sex within the first two years of our marriage. And yes, he enjoyed and was humored by watching me become sad or frustrated. In fact, he even snickered some of the times. He abandon me emotionally early on in our marriage, and then when I began going through pre-menopause, he abandoned me physically, and walked away.… And this from a pastor!

[@melisherwood5300]

I was involved with a member of the clergy as well. He was sexually demonstrative with me, initiated sex when we were just friends which confused me. I truly thought we had a connection, until he started withdrawing physically and emotionally, attributing it to doing the right thing religiously. It was all so horrific.So painful. He was a total Jekyll and Hyde to the outside world and myself. Also, the best liar I have ever met. He talked about his religious calling in one breath and in the next was insulting, gaslighting and otherwise diminishing me.

[@christinewagner1722]

@@melisherwood5300 sorry what you’ve gone through, and yes, I can identify with everything here as well. God bless you on your journey of healing and for your future! 🙏💕

[@kirjoy991]

Read Joel 2:22-24

[@rainbow123_5]

HOLY SHIT!! You quoted him “ you are unattractive”. It broke me for a moment but I remembered who he is!

[@robbiewooden5067]

Everything he is saying is so true. So sad.

[@crystalrisley715]

Might be gay 😮

[@jwsuicides8095]

We came back from our honeymoon and my husband moved into the spare bedroom. Broke my heart.

[@ERNIE555]

Oh hazel, I am so sorry, I just went through this myself ♥️from Annette from Germany 🇩🇪

[@Stanlee99]

That's so sad my wife did the same thing

[@ERNIE555]

@@Stanlee99 😢😢

[@muma6559]

Looking back, could you have annulled the marriage then and there

[@life-rethought]

what honeymoon.... ? room mates we were.

[@lilyflower6511]

At the end of my marriage, my ex only wanted to have sex when I didn't want to. If I was exhausted, sick or busy getting kids to bed, then that's when he wanted it, not when we had free time. Then it escalated to when he physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally abused me or mistreated the kids, then he would want sex after that knowing I did not want to. That I would say no, be crying, angry, bruised, saying no, that's when he wanted it. If I refused still then he would not leave me alone for hours, sleep deprivation, increase abuse, freak out in middle of night to wake up kids, nonstop acting out until I gave in to stop the madness. One time after his madness, I didn't refuse and said ok immediately after he was abusive, and then he refused and became so angry and left. I did it on purposeto see his reaction. He knew it n didn't care or apologize, then would act like nothing happened afterwards or would disappear. He took my engagement ring and pawned it for drug money. I got it back from pawn shop like a idiot and he took it again. Sold it for money and bought himself a expensive mountain bike and new surfboard.. 3 years of freedom, the kids and I have restraining orders for life against him, life got better!

[@potatozinc]

Wow sounds exactly like my life down to the details about sleep deprivation, waking up our child from all my ex's yelling at me, mind-game tactics when I said "ok" with ease...Acting like nothing happened the next day and if I dared to talk about it I would have to endure hours of being told how terrible I am and that I shouldn't even be talking about that when I have 100 more things I do wrong. My belongings (at times stuff my ex never bought!) would be sold without my knowledge or thrown away, or I was pressured to give things away that I still used. The engagement ring wasn't pawned off, but I relate to seeing shiny new things in the house no one else could use or be useful to the family needs while I had holes in my clothes and was told to just wear my ex's clothes if I really needed new ones (not even close to my size of clothing and it was humiliating wearing the opposite gender's clothing in an opposite style to my own).

[@coconutyogagirl3336]

I can relate to this so much.

[@missyv9581]

He’d get real interested during that time of month. Was up in my grill like a horny teenager. When my cycle ended so did his desire.

[@devaughnsalter6264]

My ex-wife made it a point to never have free time. I just now realize it.

[@mulfie4749]

I have a headsache, i have thrush, the kids might hear us, i am tired, not in the mood, i have ibs, my endometriosis is playing up, gotta get up early tomorrow, no clean bedding, i'm poorly, you haven't shaved , and the best one!!! Its not your birthday 😂😂😂 i love the Narcs!!!

[@OneManJam]

LMFAO!!! I've heard all the excuses in the book. She told me recently everytime we have sex, she bleeds profusely for weeks on end after sex. So I found her tampon/pad stash and kept track how many she used after the last time we had sex. Didn't use one in 2 weeks, so I confronted her about her blatant lies.

[@justinmartinez3332]

They are not interested but too afraid to tell you because they would lose your support.

[@justman4891]

I've took 5 dumps today and haven't showered lol

[@Jesuiscache]

I SOOOOO IDENTIFY WITH ENDOMETRIOSIS woooow She would use I'm tired, it's too late, I don't feel great, I don't have libido my god I'm happy someone else knows this one

[@justman4891]

@@Jesuiscache lol I've heard that one too lol. For past 2 years she's been on the I'm not in the mood I have pre menopause. We are both 42 she won't even go get tested to see if that's the case. Therefore I believe its just a big lie! Women do this crap then cry and get mad when they find out their man has a woman on the side. Playing silly games and you win silly prizes!

[@kjdoomjr]

Lord, I pray everyone in contact with a Narcissist finds peace and self-actualization.

[@lynneroberts3628]

Pray to God all the time.

[@2Xotick]

AMEN!!

[@karunavalliyajjala7598]

Amen

[@KYALAwaKisa]

Amen 🙏🏾

[@minormunitions]

Quit giving them compliments, quit checking up on them, do your own thing. They’ll come back by then, you won’t want them anymore because you will understand what real life is about.

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

Break up with them. They are better at the cold shoulder game than you

[@MatthaeusEbonah]

Nope, if they're truly a narcissist all that will just give them false ammo to gaslight you into thinking you're the problem.

[@elizabethbray5546]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Lily_and_River]

It's good advice to go grey rock but don't do it as a game to win them back. A narcissist will be able to play that game longer than you or beat you at it by stepping up their game. It can become dangerous. Just distance yourself more and more till you're able to leave entirely.

[@Inkoa31]

@@Lily_and_RiverThat’s what I’m doing right now and Boy he’s been so nice lately and the Love Bombing 😂

[@casperinsight3524]

Its sadistic to withold intimacy & affection inorder to feel superior over others

[@Nugliscious]

I've learned to rub one out before the libido gets intolerable. she tried to satisfy me manually, but it was to no avail. She must have thought I was a lawn mower trying to get started on a cold winter's day. I walked funny for a week.

[@ritapeters1330]

💯 true

[@CamperEra]

It’s the essence of Evil.

[@hollybarnes6177]

Well said, moving the post is exactly what my husband says. He always says...... I can't just have sex, it's gotta be built up with intimacy, which really means me bowing down to his every demand, or agreeing with him or else I'm not being intimate. You nailed each and every point he has used against me.

[@laurac.9322]

How about I can only get it up for some one I love but your doing a good job.

[@s.mcgonigal2713]

He moves the goalposts on everything, not just sex. What I do is always wrong.

[@dadsgarage.alwaysopen]

Yep and it’s not always a he

[@bdanyluk]

my wife tells me basically that everything i do is wrong....she said i am not a good role model for our kids

[@Nugliscious]

@@dadsgarage.alwaysopen Her FAVORITE two words in the English language are "NO" and" DON'T." I can't even go the store without her peering over my shoulders to see what I'm buying and how much I'm spending with MY money.

[@doesnotFempute]

same. My husband withheld from me for a long time. We never went more than a month, but he would ignore me physically (no hugs or anything) for weeks. 2 years ago, I started taking psych meds that took away my libido. I'm fine with that because I never have time to "take care of myself" anyway. Now he wants it several times a week. He will lay in the bed na'ked and expect me to drop everything to service him. He always does it when he knows I don't feel well, or when he knows I have work to do (I work from home part time, and outside the home part time )

[@arsenelupiniii8040]

You learn to ignore folks like that, regard them as children. Yeah, it is your husband, but life is short and these pwNPD never change, only get worse. If you are always wrong, you are in the wrong relationships.

[@Cat_festation]

I’m now in my 50s, married 21 years and sexless for 15 years. Even when we were sexually active, I could tell he was completely unconcerned with my (ahem) response or enjoyment. Please, especially if you’re younger, get out STAT. Don’t find yourself like me, tolerating NPD abuse because you need his medical insurance and your finances are intertwined (the only lay I got recently was laid off from work a year ago). I could fo without the sex, but I’d kill for a genuine, heartfelt hug or a kiss on the cheek. It gets incredibly lonely, but at least I know it’s NOT ME. Best wishes to you all. 💕

[@jane2390]

I'm SO sorry😢

[@reneelibby4885]

oh wow. resonates!!!

[@jmj1852]

God Bless you 😢

[@guidinglightorphansinc.5255]

My exact life. I removed my ring off my finger nearly two years ago 😢

[@jeannehott2083]

Praying for you 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

[@caelreed3067]

I was with this kind of nut job . Pretty much 99% like that

[@jumpinjunipers5891]

Been 7 yrs for me didnt even on our Wedding night i dont even want to now

[@muma6559]

I'm so sorry. I feel you. Take care of yourself.

[@potatozinc]

You probably avoided all the diseases your soon-to-be ex has anyways from potential cheating so that your ex can continue to withhold from you. It's a horrible cycle.

[@irismartinez5753]

What are you still doing in the relationship? Run as fast as you can. Good luck

[@kbc1883]

I am so sorry! ANd I can relate. He "passed out" on our wedding night. Then he wouldn't touch me on our honeymoon (we'd had sex for years before we married, though even in college he would withhold at times), no sex, no affection, no emotional intimacy the entire honeymoon week. It was the lonliest I've ever felt. I hope you can find your way out and give yourself a chance at more peace and fulfillment.

[@BigJDog72]

Wow! But that’s how it make you feel.

[@arturodiaz1063]

They point out your flaws and laugh at you not with you.

[@kathyannpunch6839]

I've experienced all of the four excuses. For years I walked around in guilt and secret shame. I do admire those who are strong enough to take off their rings for good😢.

[@saimakamran148]

Me too

[@melisherwood5300]

The narc I knew used religions as an excuse, which is ironic because he was the one who came onto me in the first place. I think it has nothing to do with religious “morality” but everything to do with power, control and fear of intimacy. The whole things has been humiliating and painful.

[@melisherwood5300]

His rejection looked very plausible because we were not married and he said it was wrong for religious reasons, but he was the one who initiated a sexual relationship in the first place! When I asked him this he said he was struggling with guilt. ok, fair enough, and he also said he did not want to get married. ok fine. And he wanted to be friends. However, the “friend” never appeared. He simply continued to mistreat me more and more - ignore me, critisze me, gaslight, triangulate, lie - but mostly it was ignoring me…I was an easy target because I was staying in his house - so in the time bewteen organising a new place, etc, it was difficult to avoid the abuse. I also became sick and had to put off my leaving. If I had had my own place I would have just walked away from him so easily. He also invited me to stay with him from the beginning and then the madness started. All this from a person in the clergy who purported to be so pious…You can see how confusing it all was to me..also love bombing and hoovering thrown into the mix when things got difficult.

[@hardythomas21]

What trips me out is they will hold back the intimacy then get mad when you say lets just be friends or go our separate way then.

[@007outtacontrol]

True

[@paulwisdom1090]

It's part of the gaslighting that they do! It's to keep you confused! This is what narcissists thrive on confusion, chaos and control!!!

[@nicoleharris5005]

I was told I wasn't aggressive enough....when I was aggressive than it was the wrong time....🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️....they are so full of it and neglectful-then go crazy when you leave them👉🏽👉🏽they are Losers.

[@laceypotter3996]

Totally nailed that. I stopped wearing my ring 3-4 years ago. He emotionally left 10 years ago Just shortly after 1 child born got worse after 2. No more children. And he has literally done all this to me.

[@sandrajones-p465]

My EX Nar said I went to bed too early. Although I was raising two kids, working a demanding full time job, and taking classes to move up on the pay scale and move of the position ladder. I kept saying this is NOT normal behavior for a married couple. I knew it was something, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. During the discovery process of the divorce process, found out he wasn’t attracted to women and was secretly living a double life. Hiding behind having a wife and kids, to avoid being seen as his authentic self. DEVASTATING!!! Now the pieces of the puzzle make sense. But my life was ruined and lost on a person who never existed and never wanted me as a wife. Healing and at peace with my life now.

[@oliraceking]

Thank you. The last 2 examples I’ve experienced and to this moment I thought it was because I was at fault. Now I’ve learned I’m not 🙏🏻

[@jeff1407]

AMEN!!!! You just described my life for the last 20 years. I went 7 years without and when I finally brought it up it was “it’s always about sex with you”. Telling her next week I want a divorce. Thank you for this video.

[@GospelOfThomasMcSwain]

Talk to a lawyer, if you can and plan to, before you tell her.

[@douglaspage2398]

It is not exactly an excuse to avoid sex, it is just an excuse to give it to someone other than the one they swore to exclusivity with.

[@tranquility9325]

It's both

[@ajsmith2507]

I don’t know which is worse, denying sexual intimacy or “get it over with so I can clean up.”

[@jimp9151]

I get a lot of the former, and the latter rarely. She was worthless sexually after the first year of marriage, and the sex disappeared for all intents and purposes once my daughter was born. I hate myself for putting up with it for so long. I lost 26 years.

[@2Xotick]

😂😂😂 Thank you for making me LOL!! 😇

[@ajsmith2507]

@@2Xotick I wasn’t trying to be funny. I endured years of emotional neglect and abuse.

[@2Xotick]

@@ajsmith2507 I know your pain. My text is heartfelt and I’m sending POSITIVE JUJU your way. I hope someday you will be able to laugh about all of this. I have finally gotten to that point. Kicking, screaming, and crying and feeling crazy has only aged me. Those days are soooo over for me. I have finally learned to love ME 1st and more.

[@straps9859]

​@@jimp9151exactly same history for me. You aren't alone.

[@cherylharris8654]

Not only is it abandonment but it’s emotional abuse it’s controlling manipulative and selfish. I stayed way too long in my marriage we were together 12 years. I felt like I was married to a monk. He protected that part of his body because he had side chicks he was giving it to. If they aren’t giving it to you they are giving it to someone else. That saying is true so if you are with someone like that get out you’re just wasting precious time on someone who already has left you. I wish I had left sooner but I know god helped me wake up and I got out and freed myself. Because in a marriage like that you’re a prisoner.

[@ritapeters1330]

Why then did he stay with you if he had side chicks, that is not a reason for witholding sex, that is about control and punishment.

[@mstrcarnivore]

It's always tomorrow

[@OneManJam]

I just learn to roll over and fall asleep before tomorrow. 😂

[@al6347]

A lick and a promise. Lying botch.

[@cristianadistefano4290]

I roll away from him and cry almost every night I stay over at his place or stay until he falls asleep and then go home. Before that happens, he gaslights me into thinking we will finally have sex that night. Then he totally ignores me, doesnt even try to kiss me, hold me, touch me. He says he wants to make love to me, but then he finds every excuse to avoid being close or why it's my fault we didnt have sex again, this happens every weekend. We dont live together. He invites me over, I make arrangements to stay the night, then he blows me off. I think he enjoys to see me hurt, to view my disappointment or frustration. It's truly like a slow cruel game of torture he plays. If I get upset he tells me its my fault and that my anger or my tears turn him off and that he cant have sex with someone like that.. This has been going on for years. In the last 5 yrs we probably had sex 4 times, and only because i initiate it when I cant stand it anymore, but even then, he makes me feel like he is not into it, then he says Im too aggressive and he feels like I forced it on him! I cant win. Im walking away. .

[@stark.edwards2068]

Absolutely Absolutely 💯 I've been through all of this😵‍💫

[@bonitajolie9341]

This was my life. He was cruel!! I got a divorce. I've never been happier.

[@kirstytekauru2385]

Lol so was the narcissist I had they are fucken nasty

[@Mike-pv6et]

Very impressed Kevin. You nailed this one perfectly. There are many quotes I'll always remember from my wife...here's a memorable one: "You gotta strike while the iron is hot!" They actually withhold all forms of intimacy. It's pretty bad when the kids notice that mom gives big emotional hugs accompanied by terms of endearment to her friends, but primarily calls me by my first name, has never asked how I'm doing, and they never see her welcoming or greeting me with a hug or meaningful kiss.

[@brookebenton8192]

These are also things my ex husband would do. He would deny sex and then wake me up in the middle of the night for it. He would also rape me in my sleep sometimes. I would wake up to him forcing me to do it and I was scared to push him off of me. The next day he would claim he was too tired and out of it to remember doing it or he would say I was making it up. He once even said it was a "form of sleep walking" and he couldn't help it. Omg I can't believe I put up with the abuse for so long.

[@Peace-12230]

omg he is a psycho leave him! He does that to destroy you. What a douchebag what a stupid guy!!!

[@sharipeterson1126]

I'm horrified that happened to you! 😢

[@Righteousruminations]

Its called Sexsomnia. This happened to me as well. It took years to find its name on the internet. Before that I had a counselor had to tell me it was rape. Its so confusing because they deny you when you are awake and pretend not to understand what your needs are. Then, at night when you cant give consent, they begin having sex with you. Its very bizarre and it ruined my life.

[@aprill_fresh]

I have lived like this for 10 years.

[@brendabrysch5223]

Thank you for this. My narcissist says I am to vanilla and critical of my performance. He blames me of withholding but I am tired of being criticized with my performance so no I don't give him as much as he wants. Also I don't always feel well and tell him on those days there are other ways to connect other than intercourse and he says I don't care about his needs.

[@raquelbopp6669]

Sounds like my ex husband. He used to say the same to me.

[@Cod12Osc]

I feel like one should tread carefully with this topic. Victims of emotional abuse, manipulation, lies and gaslighting, it is hard to have sex with an individual who does not have your best interest at hand and they create chaos and confusion in their marriage. And the person who is carrying out their abusive tactics and confusion tactics, they will accuse you of not having sex with them or withholding sex from them? Yet, when you have sex with them, because you want sex, too, and it's something that definitely should occur in the context of a marriage, but after you have sex with them, they have nothing to do with you or they will put you down in subtle ways, or they will leave or go and tv afterwards. .... they will accuse you of not having sex with them, yet when you do have sex with them, they will treat you like you are the dirt under their feet (and it's so subtle that it's hard to explain or prove-that is frustrating), and the sex is only for their pleasure. And no wife or husband should be deliberately withholding sex from the other, that's just childish. Husband's live your wife as Christ loved the church, and wives be a helper to your husband. When you have one striving to do the right thing and another deliberately tearing a marriage apart and taking pride in doing so, it is difficult, very difficult.....

[@--MAD]

"It's so subtle that it is hard to explain or prove." This is what I'm dealing with right now. It's the MO for most of them, unfortunately. It is so hard to navigate.

[@Cod12Osc]

@@--MAD so sorry you are going through that... hope the circumstances improve for you soon

[@--MAD]

@@Cod12Osc Thank you so much for your response.

[@pattycakes9182]

Oh boy have been in that situation for too too long.

[@shelleyd9910]

I was told in no uncertain terms that the sick games of withdrawal in my bedroom was also classed as sexual abuse. The excuse was “Why would I want to have sex with someone who makes me angry?” But he would pick a fight on something insignificant just after I had reminded him we were going to have sex the day before. Of course he was too tired the day before. And if my emotions were not completely under control, no tone or pitch change, I would be denied. And it would take me another month before I would get desperate again.

[@denisedevoto5703]

I am so sorry you went through this. I thought I was the only one. He told me he didn't want sex anymore because he was mad at me. Yes, he was always angry at me. I got divorced two years later.

[@2ndLife888]

My boyfriend would withhold sex for so long that i would get upset. Then and only then would he say ok to sex (which was lame at best) So if i wanted it, i would have to swallow my emotions, but it was impossible to get turned on when i was upset. What an infuriating cycle!

[@Jane-rc2rk]

He blamed me … “how am I supposed to fancy you when you look like that!” Said with utter contempt and vitriol. Damaged me forever. We’re divorced now but his words haunt me still.

[@Livinginacardboardbox]

Mine said 'it's hard to kiss the lips at night that chews your ass all day'

[@fivegingers7329]

Please keep talking about how selfish men do not like Physical intimacy with their wives. There is not enough information about wives who are practically nuns because their marriage partners want to keep control over them. Plus, it seems like women are not allowed to talk about sexless wedlock and how much it causes them to suffer. (It can make a person go crazy when they endure it endlessly )

[@GospelOfThomasMcSwain]

This should not even be an issue relevant to male or female. A willfully sexless marriage is cruel, abuse, abandonment, and sinful. From my perspective as a man, I hear a lot more about men enduring in sexless marriages, but I still hear plenty about women enduring sexless marriages too. Don't ever let anyone gaslight you into believing, because you are a woman, that your painful experience with such abuse is somehow not as important, or that you should feel differently. That is some toxic BS!!!

[@wolfbear7]

Extremely sad but true.

[@Terbear27]

Omg or right after surgery or a car accident . I said no i cant 😐and got silent treatment for days !! This all makes sense now. I have escaped this boundary pushing man of only 2 years of marriage. The sex before marriage was great , as soon as we got married BAM! Every excuse on earth but I found empty bottle of intercourse pills in his car . 😶

[@laurac.9322]

Oh wow I don't what those are but I get what you mean when you can't due to something as serious as surgery or injury and then they want to be intimate?!! Tat never did make sense to me... I always hated when I had issues like that or needed surgery or medical treatment I hated for him to be around me. I just pray I can be feeling of this guy I've done every thing I could think of leaving changing states moving on he keeps coming back. He won't go away. It's been 30 yrs?!!? and we have had kids Thank God we live apart.!

[@pattycakes9182]

I just started therapy...to get back in touch with my real self. I shouldn't have waited so long. It's so painful and then throwing on having things for him delivered to the house. Crushing!😢

[@uk7769]

you deserve better. Study the root causes, you can heal and build a better life for yourself

[@gordingram4375]

No one has ever made this so clear to me. Thank you.

[@TinaWard13_113]

Ditto!

[@sharipeterson1126]

This video really struck home with me. I've become so traumatized by this type of abuse that I'm terrified of ever living with or marrying again.

[@ritapeters1330]

It is abuse, I agree, psychological abuse

[@Kevin-u8h5e]

It’s simple .. get out now it won’t ever get better and the longer you stay the worse you will feel and lose sight of your self. As soon as I left my narc the better I started feeling about myself and about my life. All of the relationships I gave up for the narc slowly came back to me and my life keeps getting better everyday. I feel better and more at peace. Looking back I see how toxic and broken my life had become.

[@christislord6720]

Sir you just told my life story and you don’t even know me Thank you for your wisdom and I look forward to seeing more.

[@ladonnasimpson2954]

You have some 🔥🔥🔥🔥 videos you talk about things that people really want to hear about no bits and pieces thanks 🙏🏽

[@Bandit20196]

Thank you. It has taken 30 years to get this clarity. I carried the burden of the divorce all these years.

[@maryd253]

“The excitement of breaking down your boundaries”……holy cow….100%….✔️

[@wendytimms4515]

Oh my goodness, this is spot on. So many years spent thinking something was wrong with me.

[@ritapeters1330]

Not with you, there is a lot wrong with him

[@craigsmith9876]

100% true narcs will look for anything they use not to ha e sex and turn it around against you. The only option is to leave sooner rather than later.

[@mrbaldwin8658]

My Narc Ex wife faked body aches and even self-diagnosed Lupus... And when I'd "take care of myself", she'd ridicule/shame me for even doin THAT!!! By the discard phase, she accused me of cheating... Then I accidentally found her stash of sex toys she had delivered to her office!!! SMH... I felt like I was living in one of those bizarre movies on the Lifetime channel... Just CRAZY!!!

[@OneManJam]

The narc I'm with at the moment always has something wrong with her body. Alot of excuses why she can't have sex, but she'll stay out all night and comes home the following morning clean shaven down below. These psychos think we're too stupid to connect the dots.

[@bostonjackson9384]

To be fair, they usually don't know what or why they are doing it, because they usually don't know they are narcisstic... A person would have to be open-minded, humble, and willing to admit their flaws, just to know they are a narcissist. Narc's don't have any of those attributes.

[@kevingillard5474]

If they were honest from the beginning about their denialism power and control you'd NEVER get involved with them. They bait you up with sex love bombing to speedrush the relationship trauma bonding to get power and control.

[@bernardodelatorre5243]

EXACTO

[@ladyvirgo013]

Very painful 💔 yet true. 12 years married to a complete lie. Hes making the divorce process a true nightmare too

[@Welding_Handyman]

Everything in this video is 100% spot on! I’ve been miserable (married) for 16 years! The whacked out excuses increase all the time. Not once does she initiate intimacy 😡 So yeah, wedding ring 💍 off, but I’m not a cheater. Forced celibacy is scripturally wrong! 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5 even Bible says married people need sex!

[@cherryguthriepeoples658]

Wow, you are good! I've watched other videos about the subject but none were as right on the mark as you! I was devastated when he said he was leaving, when i begged to know why, he said he didn't desire me anymore. When i asked if i had changed in the five years we had been married he said no. He quit having sex or being intimate around year two. It wasn't until i went to counseling that i learned he is a narcissist. It has been almost a year since he left and my life is so peaceful now.

[@SarrouTube]

You Speak straight bro !!!! You are the best !!!!

[@maradasilva2497]

Very good support and advices… 👍🙏

[@bethgricas1158]

My husband hadn't touched me for over 3 years. So lonely.......

[@sjwillis1137]

You may be lonely , but you are not alone. Same here .

[@sindhuts7028]

He didn't touched me for 5 yrs😢

[@Apparition-x]

Been 11 years here and Im just 36 years old too..

[@sindhuts7028]

@@Apparition-x oh God. Stay strong

[@EnoughSaid564]

10 years of futile attempts and rejection, keep your dignity and your pride even if you want intimacy really badly DO NOT ATTEMPT to get it from them. Keep your power and cut off their supply.

[@seashell1037]

WOW.... 😢😢😢😢😢 I am literally crying - you explained ALOT Kevin

[@gloriacoleman7012]

Many thanks, Kevin this is part of the narcissistic abuse control over you brings you pain, part and parcel of the whole torture process.

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

This video needs to be liked and shared 100x There are so many terrible selfish people abusing folks out there

[@13271969]

#1 nailed it! i was literally shamed by my spouse….#2😮#3😢#4 right before you have to walk 3 kids to school and not be late or just before you need to leave and won’t have time to throughly wash off

[@kostadinpantev]

My all-time favourite is "I want it so much, but I do not feel like it right now." And that can go on for weeks.

[@lindavincent678]

Mine goes beyond that it’s more of a Domestic Violence emotional psychological neglect, financial neglect, neglect neglect

[@kirjoy991]

When my narc was asked, "is there someine else?", in an attempt to try to understand why no sex, He replied, "Yes, Me." Meaning himself

[@envylures5770]

This made me cry actually. Iv been making excuses for years now. Thinking if I do this or that maybe just maybe I’ll earn her love. If I be this or that I’ll earn her love. If I change this or that I’ll finally earn her love. Ignoring or trying my best to forget her painful comments or judgments… trying forget the ugly truth of how she actually sees me or feels towards me. Excepting that I’m alone is hard. Excepting that she’s never really loved me but used me. Excepting the pain I feel right now is hard. The failure of myself in seeing the truth for what it is breaks my heart to a level that I fear will never be fixed. I’m not young this has been a long lesson I won’t recover from sadly. It’s not even about the sex never has been. Its about so much more then that. It’s about the torture of the mind games involved in just trying to be loved and connect and be happy and feel as one. Just wish sometimes at this point to hear something nice or kind from her.

[@poisonfortheweak]

As a man, I have to admit I’m absolutely shocked by the amount of women commenting. Maybe I was just naive, but I truly thought this was a “guy only” problem. Maybe I’m biased because I’m on this side of the fence and expect all marriages are like mine- woman withholding. Maybe it’s because it seems bizarre to me for a man to say no to sex… I didn’t know there was such a thing. Lol, I’m serious. Never met a guy that would turn it down so I have no idea where these guys are coming from. My wife, similar story as everyone else. First year, constantly doing it. Second year maybe even. Then something happened and it started becoming a chore for her. Then it became a lot of shunning like she would complain about if I tried to snuggle up with her (innocent affection). She started using the excuse that she didn’t want to cuddle up or hug or have any type of even simple affection claiming I was always trying to lead it into sex. Even when I was honestly just wanting to be close to her. Then she would be complaining anytime I did try and get frisky that I’m a pervert or she can’t even watch tv without me trying to stick my hand down her pants etc. Oh and she would NEVER initiate any type of intimacy. So then yeah you start feeling like it’s true that you’re always pushing for sex… while also feeling like you’re bothering her or irritating her anytime you try and initiate. She would still for some time give in eventually but even then she would just lay there like a dead body, zero participation or effort. Then it starts to make you feel bad about yourself and you’re now some deviant - you paw at her and try and get her in the mood flirting etc… one sided. No reciprocation on her side. Then she says you’re irritating and it’s just sex every second is every day… so then you feel like you finally annoyed her enough that she tells you ugh fine, hurry up and don’t be doing anything extra, get it over with quick… Then since you’re not in the mood, and she’s actively telling you how you’re a bad partner and you’re selfish etc you’re trying to get turned on while she’s saying all this and just laying there like a corpse, no help in turning you on, in fact she’s actively turning you off and so you’re like halfway hard… Oh- now she has something to latch onto to really make sure you are not getting any enjoyment out of it… “see you want sex so bad and then you can’t even get hard…”- know what really helps not being able to get it up? Having that fact pointed out, then made fun of about it… acting like you’re impotent- when in reality you’re trying to do it with - 1- someone you know not only isn’t interested but seemingly hates it 2- just lays there and does not participate in anything, no kissing, shirt stays on, under the covers I’m fumbling around (a decent women at this point would at least try and help you get it going by- I don’t know- maybe touching you at least?) 3- telling you to hurry up, she’s tired and ready to go to bed (at 2am in the morning after talking your head off without a breath for hours- all in hopes that giving her lots of attention would increase your luck… A would be form of helping to get her in the mood… since she said- “maybe if you actually talked (read: listened to me talk) more I’d actually want to do it sometimes)- wrong. And by now you’ve been under the covers and you’re starting to sweat as the heat builds up and your muscles start to burn and cramp… So now you’re physically uncomfortable, frustrated, feel like a ra**st because it’s you wanting the sex, pushing towards it… you’re touching her but she’s not touching you back… just laying there… and meanwhile telling you you’re too this or not enough that.. Anyhow. So it’s already ruined because you’re extremely frustrated, you’re physically exhausted, sweating.. she couldn’t possibly be less interested, you’re being heckled, and now you’re starting to feel this wave of just sadness and disappointment both in yourself for being a pervert with no self control, not being able to perform.. and the ever present realization that she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t want you, she despises sex with you, and it’s only getting worse as the relationship goes on. You finally get it up just enough to finally penetrate, but due to the fact that you haven’t even kissed anyone in months and you haven’t had sex or touched yourself in even more months- you last like 5 seconds because your sensitivity is so high your body is just like oh!!! Guys guys!! He’s in a woman!!! Go nowwwwww! Go go go! And you have the most numb, “barely even felt it” 1/2 second orgasm.. didn’t even feel good cause there was no excitement, no love, no foreplay… and you just spent pretty much half your day with her, doing what she wants, letting her talk and talk… trying to build some kind of good favor with her so she would maybe consider submitting to you for a few seconds at the end… All that work and shame for a rushed, single player roast with a dead body and a strict time limit. NOT WORTH IT. Then you spend the rest of the night in a doom loop thinking about what a terrible choice you made and losing hope that it would ever get better. Thats not at all how that whole thing was supposed to go. But it’s over now and you have a long way to go now before she will even consider doing it again, so you’ve got nothing to even look forward to anymore- other than months of neglect and loneliness. And so- there came a point when I just gave up. Tired of begging. Tired of being labeled this and that cause you’re a normal human being with normal feelings and needs… And the crazy part is she thinks she just did you a big favor. You put in the effort to give her hours and hours of your attention and free time, and in return she laid there motionless, telling you what a monster you are and demanding you hurry up cause she doesn’t have all night. But after she’ll say how little time it lasted- even though every time going in she tells me not to draw it out so yall are doing it all night long (apparently 15 minutes is all night long and is just too much of a marathon. But a quickie and you can’t handle your business. Ok. See you will never ever win this battle I came to find over 10 years of hoping it would get better one day. To me- unless you’re exhausted, sick, injured or otherwise unable to… and your partner - man or woman- really wants to go at it… it should be your duty to be a good partner and help them out. I mean I’ve never been like oh, you want to do it this is gonna feel terrible. No, At worst you’re wiped out and you tell them so and then make them do all the work if they really want it. But at least you put in the effort to help your partner. I mean what’s the worse case scenario, you lay there doing nothing and have it feel good for a few minutes? But see that kind of suggestion is not even ok these days, that’s you being a predator and that’s coerced consent. They used to call that husbandly/wifely duties… or taking one for the team… or simply just being a loving and accommodating partner. Heh yeah. Sorry for the long rant. I basically was reliving years of this soul crushing stuff as I was typing it all out. I mean that kind of neglect really screws a person up. I can tell you first hand - although I don’t need to because that’s why you’re here anyway. And I’m sorry for all y’all. Sadly the only solution that problem is to end it and find someone actually loves and values you. Easier said than done, huh?

[@TinaWard13_113]

@poisonfortheweak I, as a woman, used to also think that it was only women who withheld sex from their partner. But now I am going through the same problem/issue with my boyfriend. We've been together for 8-9 months, give or take? In the beginning, he told me that the reason it didn't last for very long or if at all was because of his physical condition. But now that I am learning more about the sick and twisted tactics of a narcissist, I realize that it is one of the MANY ways of his abandoning me. It isn't that he isn't capable of doing it? It's because it is his way of letting me know how little he actually cares for me. Which is 💯 % nonexistent. But you can bet HE gets off! Sex or lack thereof is just one of the many ways that they let us know that we mean absolutely nothing to them AT ALL. Once you understand this, then you know where you stand in the relationship. Which is absolutely NOWHERE. PERIOD!

[@susannegoldmann6491]

It also happens in a relationsship. I alkways asked him. He lied and stonewalled. Said all is fine. And I thought he is gay

[@sarahodom7091]

Yeah, I'm suspecting my last narc was gay. He made a point to often say he doesn't like the gay stuff, and he's not gay. Narc men will do that because they want a woman to exploit and put in mommy role, so hide it that they are gay. Then there's the porn, some just want that.

[@tommytommy7096]

Oh my Lord I wish I would’ve heard this message 12 years ago, Been with my wife for 12 years at first everything was great after marriage, sexless. I always thought it was me. Problem is I love her, but there’s no intimacy no romance nothing is dead. I’m just getting the courage to walk away, but the pain is great…

[@nunyabidness4946]

I've been there brother. Women know exactly what a man needs. You can't make them care about you if they don't. They really hurt for at least a couple years. It's been over 20 s8nce and I don't even date or anything. Think I'm going Amish they take care of business and they have heavy duty Plumbing

[@michellewebb6493]

We weren't married, but he started doing this with me. I couldn't figure it out, but I did ask, and he called it "respect."

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

Huh? Wtf

[@senecagates3849]

Wish I saw this video long ago. Thank you so much for this information. This has been my experience!

[@zararosenrot]

"All you think about is sex... I also told about it to my mother (wut?), now you have to think by yourself how to get out of this" ))) Luckily it was some time ago, now I just laugh about it. People, we should protect ourselves at all costs)

[@YudycaPutra]

So glad i broke up with my ex who proudly said that she could withold sex for as long as she wanted. She said i was ugly, not physically atracted to me and gaslighted me whenever i expressed my feelings/concerns about her. I realized now that what she did was pushing my boundaries to accomodate her needs. Stay away from narcissists at all cost!!

[@GregDavidson-si8kt]

The first excuse was the one I faced in 10 years of marriage. She made me feel like I was doing something wrong, or wrong for wanting sex, and it's still affected me to this day!

[@susanservin1949]

My narc ex used to say, "I'm in hibernation." What a crock.

[@jemilsense3972]

Wow