Wife Refuses To Help Husband's BBQ Party. Party Is A DISASTER! r/AITA

[@sylvestercat1898]

Story 3: How is it that only the last commenter brought up the punishment? Taking away school as punishment is literally abusive. In these situations you ground your child, you don’t take away education! How is it that when something minor and solvable comes up it’s like, your parents are abusive, leave. But shit like that pops up and no one talks! Just because she dyed her and her younger sisters hair behind their backs? I mean come on she’s fourteen, this was just a stupid decision and yes she should have consequences to learn from it. But she won’t learn by taking away an education!

[@faeb.9618]

i'm just. so floored that everyone is ignoring the fact that the parents explicitly said 'under my roof you will look how i want you to'??? i mean?? that sounds genuinely fucked up, i always thought my roof my rules was a horrible way to raise a kid because you are establishing yourself as their superior rather than their parent, but that sounds even worse?

[@sylvestercat1898]

Exactly!!! Not to mention why would is the mom cool with her husband not letting her daughter go to school? OP said it was all her step-dad’s idea, so why didn’t the mom step in and say, “no, we aren’t doing that. She’s going to be grounded like a normal punishment.” I do not know this family’s relationship as a whole but, it doesn’t sit right with me. The oldest daughter sounds used to this, and rebelling is often a sign of troubles in the home.

[@Pastel_Dreams]

Funny how so many people are just glossing over that "little" fact..🙄😑 OP is TA for just general teenage bs, but the parental units, especially the stepfather, have taken it way too far. It's also disturbing that one commenter basically admitted to be willing to go scorched earth on their 6-year-old if they pulled a similar stunt at their current age 😥😥😥

[@llamabrat07]

Ales me wonder if this isn’t the first time keeping OP home from school has been used as a punishment. I bet that if you go to the actual post you will find people pointing out that preventing her from attending school is abuse, and that her stepdad at least is controlling and showing red flags for further abuse.

[@DarkJediPrincess]

Technically the punishment was a also very tiny human rights violation; International human rights legislation that the US is a signatory to and helped to create endows all human beings with the right to an education. I believe that’s also in the UN Conventions on the Rights of the Child. So, abusive in more ways than one might initially think.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: “honey, I want a boys night with my mates you don’t know that well, so prepare the beverages, clean up, and prepare the silverware and plates. Oh yeah, you’re not invited because you’re not a boy” So many red flags. So many.

[@kathybouziane5269]

Well, how stupid is this husband that he didn't think of the fact that the guys might want plates , sides , and a clean place to eat ? And cold beer ?? Thats on him. Btw, don't clean up his mess either. His party ? His job !

[@carolsimpson4422]

I think they're only red flags if it isn't already too late. Like while they were still dating. Before she tied herself to him legally. She already ignored the red flags and now her life is completely derailed. Even if she leaves tomorrow she'll never get those years back and she will have to go through a divorce. She may be set back financially for years.

[@kathybouziane5269]

@@carolsimpson4422 I agree completely. But while she can never get those years back I'd hate to see her waste the rest of her life being his lapdog. Boy is this a word to the wise about taking a deep look at who you're dating. It's a lot easier to marry than to get a divorce . 🤨😉

[@mk_gamíng0609]

@@carolsimpson4422 Most abusive relationships don't start showing red flags that early on Most abusive relationships start once the abusive partner feels safe and confident in the relationship By most accounts the start of these type of relationships are pretty normal but once there married or are in other situations that tie the victim to the abuser , that is when it shows and abuse starts

[@AJ-qe5xj]

So the guy that left the blind date isn’t supposed to “humiliate” his date by leaving for HER atrocious behavior, yet she can humiliate you acting that way with you in front of others in public? Nope, I’d be out of there too, she isn’t worth his wasted time.

[@Davtwan]

If being a gentleman _truly_ requires enabling terrible hospitality behavior, then I rather be on the front page of r/trashy.

[@littleflame5530]

I want have paid her drinks just mine. And then I'd say dont text dont call I dont date immature entitled people and I will talk to our friend. If she cant get your entitlement I'll block her too.

[@groofromtheup5719]

Any friends giving crap about it "if you do the same, I'll walk out on you too"

[@robertx8020]

true ..let's hope her next date ends the same :)

[@cgi2002]

@@Davtwan he was a perfect gentleman. A gentleman treats everyone with respect, and doesn't stand by while people abuse others. He did the gentlemanly thing by standing up for the waitress, making it clear his date was been unladylike, and declared "good day sir" and left. Sounds like a perfect gentleman to me.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: sprung it on her? ✔ Agreed it was a guy's night? ✔ Agreed to "handle it"? ✔ Complete lack of respect ✔ Nta? ✔

[@wishfularray4775]

Hotel? Trivago~

[@Mewse1203]

@@wishfularray4775 lol, is there some context In. Missing cause this is the 2nd time I've gotten this comment 😂🤣 I had another post a few weeks aho where I did the "check" thimg and got the same response.

[@lilywong9672]

@@Mewse1203 It's a commercial for Trivago, a website that helps you find hotels. It's become a meme because of the format. Like the MasterCard commercial becoming a meme years ago.

[@tegantalks9612]

I mean I feel like that story would fit well on r/malicious compliance.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@wishfularray4775 😂😂😂😂 made the top comment even better lol

[@mesalena]

You can tell who a person really is by the way they treat the wait staff at a restaurant.

[@kendallann4444]

Yes!

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

For real though, I cannot stand people who refuse to even look at a waiter/waitress. Like seriously if you stock chips at Walmart for a living and you have no right to look down on someone because they’re taking your order at a restaurant.

[@jackspring7709]

Very true.

[@Flufferz626]

I used to serve tables and still have slight PTSD from being treated like a literal dog. The worst was when customers snapped their fingers at me to get my attention. I always introduced myself, so they knew my name. Even a "Hey, can we get some more water?" would suffice. This was also at a hibachi place, and these types of people were equally horrid to the chefs.

[@jackspring7709]

@@Flufferz626 The finger snapping alone would have driven me insane.

[@patronofdragons]

Are the comments in story 3 just ignoring the fact her stepdad kept her from school just to punish her? that's a big ol red flag.

[@kirstieferriday381]

I was thinking that, something sounds off with the step dad and I think they need to tell the school they weren't sick and that they were kept out of school as a punishment.

[@robertx8020]

@@kirstieferriday381 THAT might not work everywhere I know (at least were I live) you can't just keep your kids out of school but illness is, ofcourse, a valid reason 'punishment' isn't a good reason These rules might not apply to OP's region btw

[@kirstieferriday381]

@@robertx8020 From reading her other reddit posts her home life sounds very abusive. Keeping her out of school seems like a regular punishment, the stepdad is always bullying her, screaming in her face and breaking her things. If she explains all this to the school they will hopefully notify the authorities

[@robertx8020]

@@kirstieferriday381 1. I didn't read reddit (in this case) so I wasn't aware of this 2.I was just pointing out that saying someone is ill may be the only 'valid' reason to keep them from school ;)

[@kirstieferriday381]

@@robertx8020 It's the only valid reason to keep children out of school where I'm from as well. That's why I said she needs to make it very clear to her school that when her step dad calls in saying she is sick that she isn't sick and she is being forcibly kept away from school as punishment. Once the school is aware of this it stops being a valid reason and they will likely send someone round to investigate the next time she is called in sick

[@Russman67]

Story 2: How your date treats the wait staff is how they ultimately will treat you. This woman was insufferable and hats off to OP for paying for the drinks tipping the waitress and getting the f--- out. Not close to being the asshole. Hopefully that woman learned how to act in public.

[@robertx8020]

Even if she would NEVER treat you like that it would still have an impact on you! It doesn't take long for you being part of the ' rude couple', because ppl will see you both as 'one'

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

Or the kids.

[@catandrobbyflores]

The second story op is a keeper. Nta. I work in retail and have been called a b*tch because an item wasn't available and I couldn't magically pull it out of my butt. People seem to forget that just because we wear a uniform or are taking their orders that we are still human beings.

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

How on earth is anyone saying YTA for the dye story? Why do a load of these people think hair dye is so bad anyways? Is this an American thing? He thinks refusing school is a suitable punishment.

[@locusxe1411]

I’m American so don’t bash all of us. But I don’t think you usually get your hair dyed permanently at the age of 14. But the step father refusing to let her go to school is too far

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

@@locusxe1411 I know that reddit has a lot of American users that's why I thought that. I got my hair dyed permanently at that age, it's not a big deal.

[@Flufferz626]

Hair dye isn't permanent lol.

[@locusxe1411]

@@user-mp1is6ys7m it may not be a big deal to you but it is to some people. Just saying.

[@user-mp1is6ys7m]

@@locusxe1411 yh but I don't understand why. I especially understand the person in the comment who thinks their child shouldn't be able to make decisions that are temporary about their appearance

[@ImaNerdANDaGeek]

If I were OP's friend in the second story I would be more humiliated by the date acting like a Karen than OP walking out on the date.

[@KyrieChii]

If a guy ever did this (acted that way toward _anyone_ on a date), I'd be absolutely _mortified_ & beyond angry, that is NOT how you behave or treat people (like the staff). If I were OP I would've done the exact same thing.

[@Shamazya]

My mom had a similar experience in college. Though it was even worse because the guy tried to rage it up for a discount and he had been the one that drove them there. The friend that set her up didn't believe mom when she told her what happened and had a similar experience herself. So I imagine this was, from the Karen's friend's point of view, unbelievably out of character.

[@kathybouziane5269]

He had absolutely no interest in continuing his date berrating the waitress further . I'd walk out too. That so called friend ought to be embarrassed to have pushed that B on him . Live and learn !

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

For the first story, absolutely NTA. The only thing I would have suggested was giving him one warning that there's a lot more work that goes into a party than just the meat, which he might not have realized since you did it for him in the past. Does not excuse him at all ofc

[@ohnooffwego]

To me it's an ESH, just mildly for OP, because I really hate that kind of passive aggressive BS. If she had tried to genuinely communicate and the husband was still a huge a-hole it would be an NTA for me. Her previous behavior had created an expectation and all she needed to was say, "Hey, it really bothers me that I'm treated like a servant when you have friends over. We need to talk about this." Instead she just pulled the rug out.

[@megaman37456]

@@ohnooffwego Given how entitled her husband comes off as, I seriously doubt he would have listened or acknowledged the complaint in the first place. If I had any advice for OP it would be give your husband a 3-strike rule. If he continues to act like this and throw a fit when he doesn't get his way, give him 3 chances to knock it off, namely by talking to him about it, if by time 3, should it get that far, he still isn't listening, leave him.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@ohnooffwego She didn't really pull the rug out though. She told him that she wasn't helping when he announced he was throwing a party. He had a lot of time to fix things for the party. They are going to have a conversation about it though.

[@t.matthies3049]

Yeah. . . I'm not married, but most of boyfriends, if they were over and we were having dinner together, would cook with me and clean up after (which is more than what this woman's husband has done). It would have been nice of her to tell him where things were, but the level of disrespect towards her makes her NTA. He should know where things are.

[@ohnooffwego]

@@megaman37456 Very possible. All I know is that my marriage works because we communicate effectively. We've been together for 15 years and we rarely fight because our conflicts rarely make it past the "hey I have a problem with..." phase. So many of these Reddit stories are failures in communication. If only one person makes an effort to address problems the other person is the problem. If neither makes an effort they both are the problem.

[@tristanyoung7646]

That story 3 comment about "it is my child and when she is X age I get to choose what to do eoth her appearance" that then goes on to say "it's all about consent" honestly disturbs me. Parents pushing the idea that, until kids are a certain age they are in control of minor things about their bodies (not counting like, major medical decisions the children cannot understand yet), is why so many people have poor understanding of consent

[@KyrieChii]

I'm a little torn here. On one hand, hair dye is not a tattoo, nor something nefarious in terms of teenage expression. On the other, if older sister was so willing/comfortable with (influencing/helping younger sister) disobeying their parents over something like this, what might she do (or encourage/help little sis) do in the future, if 'No' from their parents already means nothing to her? That said, the choice of punishment was ridiculous, they could've just grounded her or taken electronics for a week or something.

[@tristanyoung7646]

@@KyrieChii I am not sure how I feel on the initial story, either. As a child my sister would often encourage me to do things we weren't supposed to, and even though I was younger I would often be the one in trouble for it. Just that mindset people have of "its my kid, their body is mine until I decide different" and needing parental consent because their body is their parents just... it opens channels for so much abuse and manipulation in life

[@songohan3321]

This story is coming from a 14 year old so there might be some exaggeration on her end.

[@tristanyoung7646]

@@songohan3321 There was a comment on the story he read by a mother, and that is what I am referring to

[@songohan3321]

@@tristanyoung7646 That comment. Probably a poor choice of words. I personally think it is a case by case issue. Some kids can be trusted to make decisions. What I gathered from the story is that her parents seemed to be more mad at the fact that OP not only did everything behind their back but also involved her sister. Did the story include what color did she want or the procedure used? Does the school have rules on what is allowed? Is absurd colors like full-color dark blue or maroon (Yes somebody had this when I was in high school) allowed?

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

The author Dave Barry put it succinctly when he said, "A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person." says it all.

[@schooos]

By far the best organized Reddit reader on KZbin. Having each story have its own chapter is GENIUS! Great job!!!

[@steveegould6472]

Markee also does the chapters but mark did it first. But if your looking for another one.

[@cheskydivision]

Omg that BBQ story is my sister spot on! My bil would bbq and have ppl over all the time my sister did EVERYTHING buy the food, prep the food, Clean even start the fire. All bil did was stand by the grill and flip the food once in awhile. Then sis would serve and clean while bil ate and socialized. Then clean it all up at the end. Bil got all the praise and compliments.

[@Passions5555]

Is she still with the guy?

[@susankaempfer8427]

Yeah, I was going to ask- is she still letting him?

[@oliviabean8264]

Theirs a reason it's ILLEGAL to deny your kids right to go to school, it is a favored tactic amongst people who groom and traffic children, your actively harming their future career prospects, your actively harming their ability to ever become independant, it is a form of abuse in itself in my opinion.

[@t900HAWK]

That’s the part Reddit just likes to skip over cuck those parents

[@diannalight7895]

NTA Even my husband knows where our dishes are!!

[@carmenbarrera80]

Ooh history #2 makes me so mad.😡 How it's ok for OPs date to humiliate the poor waitress but just because OP left that rude witch alone he is rude and she is humiliated SMH. OP needs to get rid of that girl and the friends defending her.

[@jaydenjezowski4339]

She was also humiliating him the entire time she was acting like that.

[@KyrieChii]

I just hope that OP set his friend(s) straight as to what happened, because you _know_ that bitch didn't tell them anything even _approaching_ an accurate description of how the 'date' went, & what caused him to get up & walk out on her.

[@susankaempfer8427]

8:50 Wonder if the waitress was single 😁

[@sadia6503]

Is no one going to talk about the step dad that stopped the kid from going to school?? I would get so anxious at the thought that I'm missing out on some lesson in class and if this small transgression stops them from a day of school I'm scared about how else those parents are being so controlling. Like it was wrong of her to dye her sister's hair but a) she's 14 and b) her parents could have punished her any other way for it. Idk just rubs me wrong

[@s.d.berard7518]

Same! There’s more to this “family” then what OP told! To feel the need to go this far, is a red flag to me! Wait till she tells the school WHY she was really not there! LOL 💚😺

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@s.d.berard7518 Yeah, right? The way OP talks about her family gives off major red flags to me. The fact that they feel they have to go behind parents' back to express themselves, and parent's response is not grounding or no tech, but to take them out of school? Yikes.

[@locusxe1411]

@@thedestroyasystem I did esh because you shouldn’t be going behind your parents back at that age. And the step father is the worst one though

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@locusxe1411 Agreed

[@Mistfall254]

The 14 yr old now has to deal with truency, and in this case punishment is not a legal application of it, plus step dad lied.

[@usagi18]

As a guest, if there's one less speech to listen to, my only comment would be "GOD, FINALLY... THANK YOU!!"

[@somethingmarriott]

Are we all gonna to ignore the fact that in story 3 that the step dad stopped op from going to school as a punishment. Like who the fuck stops a child from learning as a punishment. Anyway ESH

[@HackiePuffs]

Honestly that’d feel more like a luxury rather than a punishment for me haha

[@Resilient_Sage88]

I was waiting for that in the comments of the video! I personally feel like these parents are too strict for not letting the kid dye her hair but it wasn't okay for her to do it behind their backs and get the sister involved, but seriously the punishment was alarming and it was the step-dad's idea which for some reason doesn't sit right with me.

[@justheretowatch1733]

@@Resilient_Sage88 What's wrong with the step dad giving a punishment?

[@oliviabean8264]

Not letting your kid go to school is illegal, at the very least a warning sign of child abuse and grooming, and anytime the punishment is to literally take away a kids ability to become more educated or reach out to authority figures that arent their parents that tend to REALLY sketch people out for some weird reason.

[@jaydenjezowski4339]

@@justheretowatch1733 He chose a punishment that is illegal and a human rights violation. He can punish her, just not by preventing her from going to school.

[@mriddley]

Story 2: so your "friend" tried to set you up with a karen yeah guck them

[@justheretowatch1733]

Maid/Matron of honor is a title in a wedding that comes with responsibilities and duties depending on the tradition and custom of the wedding parties. If they can't do all the responsibilities then they shouldn't be the MOH. NTA, wedding decisions can be logical rather than emotional.

[@BankruptMonkey]

If a date mistreats waitstaff, customer service, or cleaning staff that's an instant end of date for me. She should feel embarrassed because her atrocious behavior was embarrassing.

[@jackspring7709]

Story 2: Absolutely NTA - there are few things more despicable than trying to embarrass and humiliate someone who is not in a position to answer back. You did well refusing to allow that toxic karen bully the waitress and walking out of the place: and tell those friends to go ask their parents what manners are.

[@kendallann4444]

Hey Mark! Pebbles the mouse opened her eyes!❤️

[@MarkNarrations]

Yay! Go pebbles!!

[@AnotherLittleArtist]

I don’t know who you are but I like you already

[@dovianempire1868]

I don't know who pebbles is, but tell her I love her and would die for her.

[@kendallann4444]

@@dovianempire1868 lol I will tell her Pebbles is a baby mouse my dad rescued from his work and brought her to me so I’m bottle feeding her.🐭❤️

[@kendallann4444]

@@AnotherLittleArtist that made me smile!💜

[@cupidsbow517]

Story 3: This is honestly just two teen sisters being a little rebellious, the comments are harsh IMO and completely ignore the concerning “punishment” of making your child miss school. Seriously, no one thinks that’s even a little worrying? But fr, this is what teenagers girls do, they dye their hair, they get piercings and do stupid shit to piss off their parents, and whilst I agree consequences are in order when they do dangerous things to their bodies, the punishment is what really unnerves me here. I would expect a tech ban or something, not to miss a day of education over some dyed hair :/

[@kirstieferriday381]

I'm really concerned about the girls in this story. From her replies and looking at her other posts on reddit it seems like she is living in an abusive household he regularly screams in her face and breaks her things. Making her skip school sounds like a regular thing, the fact that she said it's one of the few spaces she can feel calm and he knew that so took it away from her should have raised so many red flags. Yet everyone was just focusing on the fact a teenager dyed their hair. With the way she is treated at home I'm suprised she isn't acting out worse

[@cupidsbow517]

@@kirstieferriday381 Christ, those poor kids. Maybe the post was some kind of cry for help? Like it wasn’t really just about the hair dye and she was trying to see what people’s reactions would be to the way she’s being treated? I kind of hope it wasn’t because the replies basically confirmed for her that no one seems to care that her home life isn’t okay. It’s disappointing to see so many parents in the replies just look over this and ignore the signs of abuse :(

[@kirstieferriday381]

@@cupidsbow517 I feel the same way, I can't believe everyone focused on the hair dye. One person in the comments told her to tell the school what is happening and she said she was going to mention it to her therapist so hopefully she will get help

[@kittenswithbows]

Story 3 - NTA, parents who control their children like this are always controlling and overbearing in lots of ways and push their children away because their kids don't trust them. The parents are digging their own graves here. The kids will just push back more and more for the sake of it.

[@rossvegas1346]

“Dyeing your sister’s hair is too far” what? The sister was the one who brought it up???

[@tartsonawire]

That first dude, to quote something I heard on Maury, can kick hot rocks with flip flops and no socks.

[@Ash-kp8rt]

Not letting your child go to school should NEVER be a punishment. There's a reason the girl isn't being open with her parents. Let's be real a lot of women dye their hair. I did something like this when I was 14. My mom was upset because I didn't come to her first and took me to a hairdresser who educated me on hair dye. She showed me the importance of going to professional and she supported me (within reason) on the various things I wanted to try/do from piercings, tattoo (I was 19), etc. I've never done some black market/do it yourself stuff that's better left to a professional since.

[@llamabrat07]

Am I the only one who gets the vibe that this is not the first time preventing OP from attending school has been used as a punishment. I’m surprised they didn’t find a commenter who pointed this out when saying ESH. Which is my verdict btw.

[@Spgzay]

Aint nobody gonna talk about ops father in story 3 banning her from going to school for a day plus her parents are maybe too strict cause you sometimes Don't get that kind of rebellious teen when ur not down there throat 247 light yta need more info on the parents

[@thedestroyasystem]

yeah, this. I'd go with ESH because of the school thing, no tech would've been a more reasonable punishment.

[@KyrieChii]

@@thedestroyasystem Exactly, or grounding her from talking to friends for a week or something. Messing up their kid's academics is a stupid idea for a punishment.

[@mukuroikusaba7998]

I went and checked out OP’s other stories, and I’m pretty sure he’s in an abusive situation. The stepdad has destroyed his things for not obeying rules (some of which he’s made up on the spot). His most recent story has him destroying OP’s Pokemon game for not giving his 3DS to his stepdad's friend's daughter.

[@teacheschem]

Wedding- Ask the maid of honor to write the speech and ask someone else to read it!

[@JSainte17]

Why should she? She waited SIX MONTHS to mention she had some kind of crippling anxiety? That's an AH move. Also, if her anxiety is that bad, then she shouldn't be the MOH because the MOH is heavily in the spotlight socially.

[@kathybouziane5269]

Bridezilla much ! Nobody really cares in the long run. Not worth ruining your relationship over this.

[@hyperplaguerat]

Wedding story: I don't think OP is obligated to accommodate her maid of honor at her own wedding. Would it have been nice to try harder to include the original maid of honor? Yes. Is the bride TAH for not putting a friend's feelings first? No. I think that's unreasonable. Ultimately the people getting married take priority.

[@marinam3809]

Very true, it just strikes me as REALLY weird that OP just dumps her so called “closest friend” in favour of a nice speech. It could have been as easy as getting one of the other brides maids to read the maid of honours’ speech. But I do agree that OPs’ wants are most important for the day.

[@hyperplaguerat]

@@marinam3809 The friend is still a bridesmaid, so I don't see it as "dumping a friend".

[@Musiyca]

Story 3: a 12 year old girl is old enough to consent herself when it comes to whatever about her hair. All the angry adults talking about parents having the last word about child's look - NO, YOU DO NOT. At 12 especially, kids already have their likes nad dislikes when it comes to fashion choices. Let them make mistakes now, so they won't 'rebel' later nor go full 'nuclear freedom' in college :)

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 3: These commenters feel like narcs. Like, are they really expecting us to believe they never did something that their parents disapproved of at that age? In any case, punishing a child by not letting them attend school is a bad look, since school is mandatory and it literally sounds like something a Victorian step-parent would pull on their rebellious protagonist daughter.

[@Helenahandbasket1971]

The guy in the second story is my hero!! I fucking LOVE that he left her at the restaurant. His friend set him up with a total "Karen" and he gave her what she deserved. I have never been a server, because I don't have the people skills (like seriously I do NOT have people skills) so I treat my servers with respect.

[@dreamsingr]

There was a piece of advice I remember reading a while ago. If you wanna see what kind of personality your partner has, watch out they act when they're drunk, tired or how they act toward waitstaff. The dude in story 2 is not the asshole. The friend and the date on the other hand.

[@themandownthehall]

That last story. Holy shit. "I'm going to see if she's ok in that role".. She still doesn't get it even after everyone tells her she's the AH and that she should do something better.. Jeebus, that woman will have zero friends in the future starting with her former MOH ghosting her after the wedding

[@wombat4583]

I'm with you. Her initial response was an "..okay". I don't think she would voice her opinions against the decision. A better quality than OP.

[@robertx8020]

-MINUS one friend ! - MINUS even more friends when other 'friends' hear about it! (Yeah but she didn't want to do waht I wanted her to do and 'real friends ' should just obay me!! :P )

[@bilbybloom]

i was surprised there werent more replies about the dad who told her she couldn't go to school as a punishment. What kind of punishment is that?!

[@Lokian_Mermaid]

Yeah, when I was in high school, I knew a girl that had strict parents and someone was commenting she'd missed a few days of school because she was grounded. I said, "Grounded from SCHOOL"? Teacher: Well, some parents are very strict. Me: But no school? And back and forth it went. Yeah, being "grounded" from coming to school by parents is weird

[@DarkJediPrincess]

Well, first off, keep in mind that Mark doesn’t read every verdict or comment on an AITA post-some of them have so many that it would be horribly impractical for him to do so-just the most interesting/salient ones, and/or which have a lot of upvotes. (From my observations.) There may have been more comments on the post criticising OP’s stepfather’s choice of punishment that call him out for it than it might appear from the video. As to what kind of punishment that is? The kind that violates OP’s human right to an education, that’s what. Shame on stepdad. I’m at least hoping there are more comments on the actual post that call out OP’s parents’ unreasonably controlling behaviour surrounding their daughters’ appearances, which in my opinion is abusive behaviour. And all of the comments Mark read seem to have been written by people who completely missed the fact that OP’s sister explicitly expressed a desire to dye her hair purple. The problem with OP bringing her along is not that sister is too young to make that decision (I have personally seen six year olds at a salon with their mom getting their hair dyed some lovely bright colours, which presumably they told their mom they wanted to try out), but that OP _pressured_ her sister into coming, when her sister’s initial hesitation to agree should have been read as a non-verbal “no, thank you” by OP.

[@skippiefritz]

So we not gonna talk about story three and how the dad PREVENTED HER FROM GOING TO SCHOOL!!!! Nta, OP is at a point of time in their life where they're struggling for their identity; something tells me if the step-dad posted "AITA for keeping my daughter from school from dying their hair." the reaction would be unanimously "YTA this is abuse" It's verging on ESH for bringing her sister into this but the overreaction of the parents is too extreme for that

[@Acidfunkish]

It's such an irresponsible "punishment." 😒

[@naturelass]

story 3 the comments are just full of over controlling parents i mean i love how they seem to think OP forced the younger sister to dye her hair when the younger sister was the one who wanted to dye it also she is right to say the parents can't control how they want to look at that age at least when it comes to hair, hair is super personal and parenst who dictate hairstyles that much can cause serious self image issues for kids to the point that they may think others have a right to dictate how they look even as an adult, the parents should be helping them learn to express them selves not stifling them and undermidning the period of time when girls needs to be built up to have some form of self respect for their own apperance and idenity and not let feel like they have to conform to unrealistic beauty standards.

[@jadedflames2809]

Everyone is defending the parents and making OP be worse than they are. At worst, she might of gotten her hair bleached. But the parents are must h worse and more controlling

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: Why don't people understand you don't owe anyone your time. If the date was awful he has every right to leave. Plain and simple, maybe then she will think about why people don't want to be around her

[@shadowdragon7905]

Story 1: ETA I think if you do something without being asked to do it then stop it’s partially your fault if something goes wrong, it would be different if the husband asked her to do all this but she even admitted that he didn’t and she would just do it without being asked. The husband should never treat his wife like that and that he should never take anyone for granted.

[@pyro014]

Yeah, I feel like everyone blows over that part and are putting in that the husband asked her too. So that effects their judgments

[@Lillypop93]

I don't have social media but I have to tell someone MY CAT TRICKED ME. SHE HURT HER PAW THREE WEEKS AGO TOOK HER TO THE VET SHE GOT A FEW SHOTS AND TWO DAYS LATER SHE STARTED LIMPING AGAIN MADE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT WITH THE VET ONLY TO FIND OUT SHES FAKING IT FOR LOVINGS!!! I SPENT LIKE THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON MY CAT CAUSE SHE WAS A GREAT ACTRESSS

[@jgw5491]

Cats. What are ya gonna do?

[@itjustmemanning8441]

🐈 cats are very smart. Most people think that dogs are smarter, but I think both 🐕🐈 are smart! My cat use to play fetch 👍

[@lsmmoore1]

I saw a seagull do that same trick at a beach once. For food. It didn't work because the only food we had on us at the time was hard candies (which seagulls can't eat, btw - we tried feeding the gull that and it didn't work, the gull couldn't swallow it any more than you could swallow a rock). But after we tried and failed to feed the gull the hard candy, it tried the limp gambit - and of course it failed, but I bet it's worked on other people.

[@carolroberts4614]

We had a dog like that! He did have a bad leg once, but ever after if you told him off ,back the limp came! R.I.P Prince!

[@Alyrulz421]

"it's a boys night" "why isn't my wife doing everything for me?"

[@deathndementia]

Story 4: Everyone seems to forget that the Maid of Honour was asked about 6 months before the wedding to give the speech and waited until quite recently to tell the bride that she couldn't do the speech because of anxiety. If her anxiety was so bad why did she not say something sooner.

[@marlyd]

Maybe she has social anxiety and assertiveness issues so she was scared?

[@locusxe1411]

Probably because she tried to practice for 6 months to help her best friend and then chickened out. Besides who what’s to hear a speech about how great you are?

[@KyrieChii]

I honestly think she was trying (during that time) to get up the courage to make the speech, but just became overwhelmed by the anxiety & realized she simply couldn't. Should she have given the bride a bit more notice? Sure. But bride could easily have another bridesmaid who is more comfortable with public speaking make the speech, while allowing MOH to do everything else a MOH is expected to do. She went about this the wrong way.

[@deathndementia]

@@locusxe1411 Most wedding speeches aren't serious.

[@Flufferz626]

Weddings ceremonies in general are generally dumb and unnecessary. More couples who get court house married intentionally stay together than those with expensive. In fact, there are studies that prove the more lavish the wedding the more likely divorce. Maid of honor shouldn't feel pressured to make a speech gushing how awesome the bride is.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

Third story: nta, teen or not its her body, she should be able to do what she wants with her hair, its just about control with the parents, not her wellbeing.

[@songohan3321]

She did her preteen sister's hair also. Plus she went behind her parents back and did a homemade version. Who do you think will have to pay for it to be removed?

[@savageinkstudios2969]

@@songohan3321 her parents could very easily make her "punishment" needing to deal with the hair she has, or to pay for it herself if she wants it changed. At 12 i was dying my own hair all the time, 12 is more than old enough to decide how you want your hair to look. I wish id had an older sibling to help me out with it, but did manage just fine on my own.

[@songohan3321]

@@savageinkstudios2969 Yeah, YOU are not OP. Also, the main problem here is OP involving her little sister in her shenanigans while going behind their back and doing it. Instead of wearing her parents down like most people, she did it behind their back. Also, ask yourself this. If she did all of this and didn't think she would get caught, would you really trust her judgment? From the fact that your parents let you do it at 12 years old shows that they trusted you with making good choices. OP however, not so much. Doing it to herself is bad enough, but she involved her little sister knowing that her sister trusted her. She got caught because of course she would, and then came to Reddit for sympathy not realizing that not all Redditors are teenage wannabe edge-lords.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

@@songohan3321 my parents didnt let me, i just did it. The forst time they held me down kicking and screaming and shaved my head. After that there wasnt really any more they could do to me so they let it go. OP and her sister are both entitled to their bodily autonomy, and hair cuts and color are not permanent. There is so little control kids have over their own lives, hair and accessories should be the bare minimum that parents allow for their childrens self expression. I havent spoken to the parent that kept me under their thumb in years because of the amount of control that was forced onto me in my youth. And as i daid before, i wish i had an older sibling to support me in that, i appreciate OP supporting her little sister in her quest for self expression. Good for her for being a better and more accepting person to look up to than her parents.

[@songohan3321]

@@savageinkstudios2969 I can see this story has a personal meaning to you which is why that you came to your opinion about the story. That was an extreme response and you are clearly not over it. I would suggest going to therapy. Obviously nothing I say would convince you otherwise given you experience. However I still stand by the fact that she shouldn't have involved her little sister. Most people would agree if it was just her than most except for the Redditors that are obviously parents wouldn't see nothing wrong with it. Me personally, I wished she would have just done it to herself.

[@zarennaangel1198]

Story 1 : Nta. My ex husband used to do the same thing. I refused to do anything one bbq and he never did it again claiming he cooked everything.

[@skaringblue]

I used to work as a waitress a couple of years ago. One day this big group of people comes over to celebrate the birthday of one of their friend. Usually I always try to be as nice as possible and to be quick with the service, especially when there are a lot of people to serve. I remember jocking and laughing with them while taking their order, as overall they were really nice people, so I tried my best to deliver a good service. It comes time to pay and a couple from the group comes to me saying they didn't wanted to pay for service charge. Unfortunately whenever a costumer refuse to pay service charge my manager has to be called over because it's usually symptom of a bad service, also service charge was a good 15% of my salary, it is optional, but usually people don't have a problem paying it. Of course my manager took it off the bill and asked why they didn't wanted to pay, if I did something wrong, all they said was "we just don't want to pay it". I remember feeling really sad because I really tried my best to make their evening pleasent and they didn't wanted to pay 40£ service charge to split between 15 people (Mind the bill was over 200£). It really pulled me off because I knew my manager would have told me off later. I go back to the table to pick up the plates, the rest of the guys keeps making jokes and try to involve me too, I keep it polite but I don't get too involved. Few minutes later the organiser of the party comes to me and ask me if "those two" did upset me, I just replied saying that they asked to have the service charge removed from the final bill. She was so mortified for their behaviour, she had a little vent on how rude they always are and how many times they made the entire group look like jerks. She apologized and asked if it was possible to have the service charge putted back, then I started to tear up (at the time I was 22, working 6 days a week, sometimes for really long shifts) she gave me a big hug saying they had a great time. They also left me a massive tip at the table saying that thanks to me they had a great time. Be nice with hospitality people, they do their best most of the time and deserve a some appreciation ❤️

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

For story 3 I am going to give a light ESH. The 14 year old shouldn't have gotten her hair dyed given how crazy her parents are. However I can see why she is acting out in small ways that in my family, would personable be a non-issue because they don't feel the need to control. Seeing how the parents reacted by refusing to allow her to go to school gives me the impression there is more going on behind the scenes than we realize.

[@kirstieferriday381]

From her other posts on reddit it looks she is living in a really toxic environment. The step dad is constantly bullying her, screams in her face and breaks her things while the mum encourages it. I'm suprised getting her hair dyed is the only way she is acting out with how bad her home life is

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

@@kirstieferriday381 Yeah, I think Reddit judged this one to much from the angle of, how dare a child do that. The one redditor calling her disrespectful when just because someone is a parent doesn't mean they automatically get respect.

[@sachaeforest9205]

Story3: I was in a somewhat similar situation as OP when growing up. Having a controling parent is hard and you will have to stand up for yourself one day. It usualy start with small things (hair, clothe, mackeup, etc...) during adolescence because you start to build your own identity and individuality at that age. Her dying her hair is perfecly normal. And since the oldest one is trying something new, it's not unusual that the youngest want to try it too. It's not like they were in any kind of danger. They did it at a friend house. The parents of said friend was most likely there and wouldn't buy dangerous toxic product for kids. Heck! Maybe they even helped with it. The StepDad IS an AH and a control freak. I wouldn't even be surpris to learn that the mom is ok with her kids changing hair colours but say nothing just to not argue with the stepdad. HE is a moron and unless he became the legal gardian of those kids by adopting them or had the mother's consent he has no legal right on them. For those who might say «he's the mom's husband so he has right over them», well sorry to tell you that but mariage don't give him that kind of right. Unless he adopted them, witch it doesn't look like, he is NOT their legal gardien. (or at least that's how it is in my country)

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 3: NTA, the parents are the AHs! I'm getting soo pissed about the comments in story 3. Why are NONE of them concerned that the step-dad WOULDN'T let OP go to school? Like, WTF?! That is what happens if you are TOO strict and controlling with your kids. They WILL go behind your back. These so called "parents" need to take some parenting lessons and go to therapy for their controlling issues. It makes me think they are being abusive to OP and her sister.

[@LadyPrincessDiana]

For the last story, I'm gonna go against the main opinion and say: NTA The bride gave her Maid of Honor six months to do the speech, and from what I understand, the maid of honor only told her at the last minute that she didn't want to do it. Why is everyone dismissing the bride's wishes? If it's part of her culture or whatever to do speeches, then she can at least get that. It's as if the priest (who might also be a close friend of the family) who had to marry them in front of the whole assembly of guest didn't want to do it because he's too scared for that. Fair enough, let her change priest then? Same thing should apply for a Maid of Honor. Why is everyone telling her she's an awful friend? Also, what if she has more than one best friends, but just happened to choose this one for whatever reason? Then she can just ask another of her best friend who is actually willing to do it. It's the one day the bride can ask this of her friend, it's not a very selfish thing too. Why must she cater to her friend, more than her own wishes? It's not like the friend was uninvited from the wedding? People who are saying that it's "humiliating" for the friend to be downgraded are way too focused on the "status" of the friend. If, as they say, the presence of a loved one is more important, then it shouldn't matter what status the person has. And if there's a person who is more capable than the friend to do what is asked of her so she can her perfect wedding, then the friend should happily give up her status. I know I would if I were in the friend's shoes. I would even help the new Maid of Honor to write the speech, to make up for not doing it myself, so it has the "best friend feelings" in it too, if she really is the bride's best friend.

[@sandyberger-r9j]

1st story: I was in a very similar situation for years. Currently getting a divorce bc husband didn’t only act like an entitled brat, he also cheated.

[@carolroberts4614]

I was in that situation too! Glad you're getting away from it!

[@gaxalee7392]

A date to a restaurant is one of the best ways to discover someone’s true personality because you’ll see how the treat service industry people. I wouldn’t stay/go on a date with someone who treats servers like garbage. They’re hard workers deserving of respect, not lazy bums who throw tantrums about small and easy to fix inconveniences. Edit: Oh, bitchy is embarrassed and humiliated? How does Op’s friend think Op or the waitress feel? I bet they were pretty humiliated. I bet the waitress sees Op like a real gentleman and hero for choosing her feelings over the woman berating and abusing her.

[@duketha5286]

Story for everyone is literally forgetting the fact that this person had 6 months to tell op that they were too anxious

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: ESH. The parents are way overreacting (as is that commenter who would take away all electronics over HAIR). Punishing someone over changing their hair is ridiculous. Not only that but not allowing her tongo to school as punishment? Fuck that. OP shouldn't have involved the sister.

[@aikikaname6508]

Story 4: Keep your best friend as your maid of honour and give a different bridesmaid the role of giving a speech. Not rocket science

[@groofromtheup5719]

Or make someone capable of the duties of the MoH, the MoH. If she is too shy to make the speech, she probably is too shy for all of it.

[@robertx8020]

@@groofromtheup5719 what a BS ...So if you are not comfortable speaking for a crowd, then you are not capable of doing anything at all (in a crowd) ? According to this logic, you are unable to show empathy under any circumstanes, because you can't do it in this case?

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@robertx8020 really? lots of people that don't like public speaking that are perfectly fine standing in the spotlight are there? I am not seeing it happening all that often. If you aren't doing the MoH stuff, why is standing order so important to so many here? I don't see that either. That thinking is just so egotistical, I don't get it.

[@robertx8020]

@@groofromtheup5719 Yeah because the only job of a best man is 'standing in the spotlight all evening' ? So yes, she could still do all other tasks And even OP seems to agree because she wanted her as a bridesmade who as 'we all know (lol) ' never get any attention!

[@carolroberts4614]

I would be perfectly happy as a bridesmaid or moh, but a speech would be absolutely terrifying!

[@nobinary2296]

Story 1) Stand your ground! You deserve better! He took advantage of poor OP for too long. He wants to blow up on HER for not doing anything for HIS guys night?? It's his job to prep his own party. OP has a shiny spine. I love it. Story 2) Bruh... OP avoided a major Karen. That's a yikes from me. 😬 OP was to good for her anyway. He needs new friends. No one deserves the way the staff was treated. If his "friend" is okay then with it then let THEM be together. Story 3) Uhhhhh, I, am going to go YTA. I would think it was different if they were both teens. Like maybe 16-17. Involving the little sister was bad. The punishment was over the top. Don't sacrifice education, but instead grounding would've done it. No electronics, no videogames, no hanging out with friends after school, just straight home and homework. Maybe chores as well. It's the way I grew up. Wtf kind of bullshit is sacrificing your child's education?! Story 4) Well it's their wedding. Not going to say YTA. Because it's really not a hill to die on. Why not have TWO and you can just explain the situation? But it's really not a bridezilla moment. I have SEEN plenty of them. People always hold brides and women to high standards or to always have the perfect response/solution. It's really unfair. Especially since you only have the one wedding. People expect so much these days that the bride isn't allowed to be selfish or have a say without being labelled a "bitch/asshole". It also bugged me that people seem to dismiss the OP's feelings. Or put their own spin on OP's words. Or downplay OP's stress. It's not right. We're human after all. I forgot why that was such a crime? (Will edit for updates)

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: Did the husband think that he'd married a servant and not a wife? Story 2: Being a gentleman is not just about how you treat a lady, but it is how you treat everyone in general. The date was NOT A LADY. Story 3: Everyone wants to be an adult when they are young and immature. Then when they get to be an adult, they want to be younger.

[@frith.calluna]

"I'll handle it" .... "WHY DIDN'T YOU PULL YOUR WEIGHT?!" And.. excuse me, he doesn't know where the PLATES are? What a man-child.. Absolutely pathetic.

[@kirstin1000]

Am I completely insane or is everyone else in the hair dying story? Attacking a 14 year old for dying her hair and her 12 year old sister....wow. Wtf. 12 was around the age all my friends started dying their hair and it was never a big deal to any of our parents. It's part of growing up. Meanwhile the stepdad is taking her out of school....just.....WHAT is everyone smoking, I don't get it

[@sabrina21797]

I agree that the stepdad's punishment is overboard, but the whole point is less about the hair dying and more about her intentionally going behind her parents' back to do something that she knows they disapprove of and dragging her younger sister into her "rebellion". Like you said, it was never a big deal to any of you or your friends' parents, but it wasn't okay to OP's parents. As a 14 year old still living under her parent's roof, she has to respect that, as frustrating as that may be. We often think at a certain age that we know better than our parents, but, in most cases, we often don't (especially when we are not even close to being an adult yet!) Other people in the video mentioned it, but bleaching can be damaging to hair, especially if done at home by a pre-teen girl with absolutely no prior experience. Something could've gone wrong with her dying her own hair or her 12 year old sister's hair. For me, it's a light ESH, but the parents only really suck because of the stepdad's punishment. OP just made me cringe with the "I can do whatever I want, my parents can't control everything" attitude while her parents are paying for all her basic needs and private school. Maybe my opinion would've changed on both OP and her sister being older and closer to being independent and out of the house, but for essentially two middle-schoolers/maybe a high school freshmen, the attitude is just...no.

[@kirstieferriday381]

I've been to the original story and only 1 person tells her to speak to her school about what is going on. It seems like taking her out of school is a regular punishment and from her other posts on reddit it seems she lives in an abusive household. The stepdad often screams at her and breaks her things. From her home situation I'm suprised that she isn't acting out worse than just getting her and her sister's hair dyed. I really hope she tells someone and this family gets investigated

[@oftheriverr]

@@sabrina21797 ok but literally who cares about her parent's opinion on how she wants to look. It's literally harmless. If it was about piercings or tattoos it'd be different but it's literally just a hair color

[@sabrina21797]

@@oftheriverr Like I said in my comment, it's not "literally harmless", and the hair dying doesn't seem to be the main point. Bleach is an unnatural hair treatment--hair is not meant to be bleached. Bleaching is literally stripping your hair. It's damaging to adult hair, let alone adolescent hair that tends to be much finer. Not to mention, it's a 14 year old doing this by herself to both her and her younger sister's hair. Just because nothing apparently went wrong with the process doesn't mean that nothing COULD go wrong. Bleaching and dying your hair isn't the same as wearing a t shirt your parents don't like. What the step dad does as punishment is concerning though.

[@nonnielove2238]

@@sabrina21797 I do agree with you, though what really bothers me is the comment the stepfather made.. it makes me uncomfortable a bit because how does he want them to look like? Like how far does he control their looks and stuff yaknow? I do hope it's just the hair and that's it.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. As usual great stories. Stay safe my friend. Peace

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Story 3: ESH, but I’m getting really weird vibes. Like, I don’t think OP and their sister should have dyed their hair behind their parents back, but why take them out of school as punishment? When I was punished as a child, school was the only thing I was ALLOWED to do. Also, why only punish ONE of the kids? I am a younger sister, and both of me and my older sister got into all sorts of trouble, and when our parents found out, it was distributed equally. Sure, OP was the one who brought them to the friends house, but the sister was plenty on board. A 2 year age gap doesn’t make that big of an impact. Why single out OP? Why is he the “troublemaker” when the sister also dyed her hair? Seems kind of like favoritism. Edit: looking at OPs history, his stepdad is DEFINITELY abusive (breaking his stuff, comparing him to his step siblings, making OP a scapegoat, bullying him), and the mom is an enabler. OP isnt perfect, since he also played an awful prank on his sister, but this is CLEARLY a broken and toxic family and OP is the result of it.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Also, what the step-dad did, but not letting OP go to school, is illegal in first world countries. I knew there was abuse going on. OP's "parents" are too controlling to not be abusive.

[@Passions5555]

OP is a girl

[@Laurels-id6qo]

Lol ngl the guy in the first story only went on a run because he knew when op pointed everything out to him that he was in the wrong

[@empresssquee9020]

Story 1: To play devils advocate I guess.... I think there was a more mature way for OP to handle it. She could've just sat her husband down and told him al the work she does and that she's tired of doing it. She could've made him a list of all the things she does that he'd need to remember on his own. They could've taken the time to effectively communicate their expectations and/or wants from each other and THEN if husband failed to listen do this "teach him a lesson" shtick. If OP chooses to do all this work, doesn't tell her husband it's troublesome, and then becomes quietly resentful; that's more on OP. This kind of "petty revenge" of setting him up to watch him fail when OP never gave him a chance to learn from talking to him, is a somewhat AH move.

[@greenteawithhoneyandcream7173]

Omg I work in the food industry and working there makes me loose faith in humanity. Constantly getting the backlash of people's bad days and being insulted and still forcing myself to smile cuz that's what I have to do. I'm so sick of everything and people's rude and initialed attitudes

[@GBunnyG]

There's a reason I've never wanted to be a waitress. I swear to god, people who treat waitstaff like that should have their dining out card revoked. If you can't treat a server like THE ACTUAL HUMAN BEING THEY ARE, you deserve a lot worse than your date respectfully ending the date, paying for your drinks, and leaving.

[@happygreenclean]

Thank you!! Pisses me off so much being treated like a subhuman. I will not associate with people who treat "the help" like that. If we all don't tolerate the behavior then Karen's wont happen.

[@GBunnyG]

@@happygreenclean 👏👏👏👏👏

[@isabeljane9789]

Love listening to theses while I cook! They're so nice to have on in the background

[@JayeEllis]

Story 2: NTA - I would have done the same. A true test of character is how someone treats waitstaff. I refused a second date after finding out the guy didn't tip.

[@SerratedSun5841]

Story 3 the punishment makes no sense how is no school a punishment yes she should be punished but now her step-dad looks irresponsible because now she was out sick and comes back with dyed hair

[@llamabrat07]

Unless they force her to dye her hair with a box dye. Which could further damage her hair and wouldn’t likely be a matching color anyways. I doubt the parents are going to spring for taking the girls to a salon to get their hair fixed. Also, preventing your child from obtaining an education, unless your child is ill or you are keeping them out of school for their safety, is illegal in the US, and most developed nations. She needs to tell a teacher that her being kept from school wasn’t so they could have the day to take her somewhere to get her fixed after she dyed it, but as a punishment.

[@stephenbrown571]

If their good enough friends for her. Too be a maid of honor. Shouldn’t she know that she has a problem speaking in public.

[@jaclynsmith4323]

Hey Mark! It's a beautiful day here in Missouri. I'm finally putting my tomato plants in the ground while listening to my favorite KZbinr 😉

[@MarkNarrations]

Ooooo nothing like fresh tomatos! :)

[@groofromtheup5719]

Maid of honor; that's a major part of the job. I was in a similar situation, (best man) but I didn't have the chance to pass on the honor. I probably would have if given the opportunity. I muddled through it, as it comes with the teritory. I'm told it was a good speech, but my conscious mind blacked it out. The wouldbe MoH decided not to be the MoH in this situation. There is very little the BM and MoH do at a wedding. Stand there and give the speech, is about the extent of it.

[@tippytoe1250]

Story 1 is crazy. My husband always try to find the easiest route for me. If we have bday party he would insist we order food so I won’t be overwhelmed and he runs out and pick up the food. So all I have to do is keep stuff tidy.

[@InfernalPume]

story 4 is NSH and i disagree with Mark's reasoning. We dont actually know if the maid of honour is the best of all friends that mark thinks a moh 'should' be. a maid of honour can be a sibling or female family member. The bestman/maid of honour is something flexible that relies on the couple's relationship with their friends. some people have one die hard bff for life, some people have a pod of friends they're attached to equally. For all we know the maid of honour was just the friend out of the group who offered because she likes to plan parties. There was a duty of the maid of honour role that she was struggling with, and quietly accepted the demotion with the presumed understanding that its the bride's wedding and what she wants goes. I may be reaching here but I feel like people get too judgy about 'attention seeking' when a bride is actually entitled to a bit of attention on their fucking wedding. When its about flower decorations and appeasing bigoted grandparents everyone is all 'Her wedding her way' but when it comes to the actual heart of the thing, a close friends and family sharing how much they carer for her on a night about love and togetherness, suddenly she's being selfish? A speech isnt a shallow thing to want- its a heartfelt thing that someone would be disappointed if they didnt have. Sure she doesnt NEED a speech, but arguably she doesnt NEED to invite anyone at all. Weddings arent about what you need they're about what you WANT, and wanting a speech isnt as selfish as you may think it is.

[@Iamjustaperson..]

Hey Mark! I'm aware I've said something similar to this in another comment but I love to listen to your r/AITA videos when I draw or do chores, especially since I love your voice for some reason again, love your videos

[@cherialvarado5625]

Had husband that would volunteer my services at events the go and sit with the person in charge. I was furious!

[@shikuthetempest]

Why are more people not concerned about the stepdad's "punishment" in story 3? I cannot imagine using school as a punishment like that. She needs to go to school, dude.

[@TheSwordmanDrake]

Mexican here. Your pronunciation of enchiladas was fine. Don’t sweat it.

[@fcold9402]

2. NTA. Why should you be a gentleman if she is not being a gentlewoman. She reaped what she sowed.

[@JBond-hw5nj]

story 1 that guy didn't even try yo plan anything in advance. how the heck can he think op's the ahole

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 3- ESH. You shouldn’t have dyed your sister’s hair when you knew your parents would freak out but your stepdad punishing you by keeping you home from school is messed up! As a parent I would never take my kid out of school as punishment.

[@cheskydivision]

Op did a great thing walking out on that date. What kind of friend do you have that thinks this is the type of person you would like. Don't apologise to your friend instead tell them just how bad she was.

[@susanminer2088]

Story 1- not even “Do you mind if I invite a few people over this weekend? Can you help?” What’s in it for me, buddy?

[@susanminer2088]

Tell me what the friend thinks of you that she thinks you would hit it off with this monster!

[@WolframKKM]

Story 4: I'm going with a controversial NTA. OP told the friend 6 months ago that she expected a speech. The friend waited until last week to tell her she couldn't do it. Weddings are so difficult to plan because people and circumstances are so difficult to predict sometimes. If she couldn't do it, she should have said so a long time ago. I don't think it's unreasonable that OP added the speech to the list of must-have MOH duties (which she made clear from the start). Those speeches tend to be about the couple, love and friendship, not just the bride herself so I see it as part of the celebration, not a narcissistic pat on the back for OP. Would everyone be reacting the same way if the friend was saying she couldn't do other typical MOH duties last minute too? This isn't just about picking your #1 BFF, it's about picking someone who's going to fulfill all the duties attached to that role to help you get this event off without a hitch.

[@cre8vekaos]

NTA-The BBQ evening. I would have went out for a long unplanned vacation. No warning. Though the man would most likely burn down the house. I had to take a stand when I was the one cleaning up the post party debris. He might not understand anything until you talk the time. But I now have a full complement help so I can enjoy the occasion.

[@fcold9402]

1. NTA. Unless you were paid to be a caterer foe the party you were not invited to there is no reason you should have helped.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Last story; my vote is ESH - yes, the bride was wrong to switch the MOH duties to someone else at the last minute, but the original MOH was told from the get go that she was requested to make a speech and waited until the last minute to say she couldn't. if there was that much anxiety about public speaking, she should have told the bride/OP when first asked so that things could be sorted far earlier and taken the stress off them both!

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - He said he had it under control, and proved himself wrong. You, on the other hand, did exactly what you said you would. His anger is displaced. How is it possible he didn't notice your lack of help right up until the last minute? He's taking you for granted, and needed this little lesson.

[@yourneighborhooddeadpool488]

Story 4: alternative- A bridesmaid can just read off what the maid of honor wrote

[@alwayswatchandlearninnikis3574]

I would have done the EXACT same thing. Stand your ground!

[@kittenswithbows]

Story 4 - but the bride said this SIX MONTHS AGO, and now a month out the moh backs out. That is seriously an AH move. Speech structures are a big part of weddings, and to just flippantly say they don't matter is lacking awareness. Edit to add: if I was asked to do this and I had a fear of speaking then I would have told my friend WHEN SHE ASKED ME to be moh, I wouldn't have sat on it until the month before. This being said, the bride could have asked another bridesmaid to do the speech. So it's either ESH or NTA, im not sure. The moh is in the wrong wither way for not telling the bride sooner.

[@sharonhoupt5053]

Story 1 : I think I would take the barbeque grill to the nearest dump, but I can be very petty. LOL!

[@jgw5491]

Story 4: Bridezilla. Not a screaming, freaky bridezilla but a bridezilla none the less.

[@nobinary2296]

I don't agree. People are quick to label people, but this is a really strange one to label OP a "bridezilla" or an "asshole" for wanting their wedding day to be perfect. Everyone wants that. Plus, at the end of the day, if OP's friend is fine with it then who are any of us to dictate OP and the level in which they care for a friend. I have a crippling anxiety disorder myself and would be relieved if a friend took my stress into consideration. Especially since the opposite reaction would be to force the friend into the role despite all the stress it would cause me. If they forced the friend despite their own wishes then THAT would've been a "YTA" or "bridezilla" moment. Especially since I have been around plenty this opinion baffles me. 🤨

[@cupcak3ninja209]

NTA 💯 story 2 so she’s is allowed to humiliate and belittle the server? While he isn’t allowed to pay for her and basically just apologize to the server… hypocrites 🤦🏼(He humiliated me by not letting me humiliate the server!)🤣😂🧇

[@barbaraburner1442]

I would remove myself from the wedding completely. That’s not a best friend.

[@honeybelle1203]

I'm very concerned about the third story (I know I mistook it for the fourth lol pretend it says third). More specifically, I'm concerned that the majority of people are focused on the fact that the girl disobeyed her parents, instead of her reasoning for doing so. Of course never doing anything your parents say is a bad thing, but I think that they're very very missing the red flags that have come up in the story. Most of us seem to agree that dying your hair a fun color is a small "offense" even though really there's nothing wrong with having a particular color for your hair. But please pay attention to the gravity that the parents punish her for something like that. The step father wanted to *keep her out of school.* Not only does this affect her attendance in school, this is something that overly controlling or abusive parents frequently do in order to 1) isolate the victim and 2) keep other people from potentially noticing warning signs of abuse. I don't know if the parents are abusive or not, there is a lot left out of the story that raises a lot of questions concerning the girls' well being, but I think it's safe to say that they are controlling of their kids. It's one thing to disagree with something your child does, but it's another thing to harshly punish them for something minor, and to actually keep them isolated as a punishment. Please please think about the implications of the story before you jump on them for being disobedient.

[@StrangeHooves]

Apparently another commenter looked at her post history and said from what they read her parents are abusive.

[@honeybelle1203]

@@StrangeHooves I would like to know the name of the OP as well to see such posts. I am worried for them.

[@mbyerly9680]

I'd warn the future groom to run from that self-absorbed bridezilla.