Will Adult Children Regret Going No Contact from Their Parents?

[@YourGuiltyConscience]

Controlling and abusive parents throwing tantrums when the party is over. That tracks.

[@theconversationllc]

@@YourGuiltyConscience I appreciate you joining the conversation. Is there a possibility that the parent is not the problem?

[@YourGuiltyConscience]

@theconversationllc Thank you for the warm welcome! Sometimes it's a matter of personality incompatibility, but often enough, the parent did damage that they wont admit to or have personality traits that are repulsive to their adult children . This generation doesn't have Stockholm syndrome like the previous generation.

[@DezHickson]

I went no contact with my abusive parents. I was done at age 40 or so. My mother passed away 4 years later. Still don’t regret it. I mourned them a long time ago.

[@theconversationllc]

@@DezHickson I get it. Sometimes it is best when the parent is abusive.

[@sasskvetch8617]

I was a teen parent, frightened and immature, and made some poor choices in my child's care. Thankfully I had a support system so they were not neglected, but I have done everything in my power as a mature parent to take accountability, work on my issues every single day, apologise, let them vent on me without reciprocation or judgement, and make amends. I'm grateful beyond measure for the wonderful relationship I have with them today. They are loved beyond words and the hard work is a drop in the bucket compared to what they deserve. The very thought of estrangement is too horrible to contemplate. Parents, DO. THE. WORK.

[@theconversationllc]

I am so glad that both you and your children were willing to have the conversation and protect the love of family.

[@kelleyturner6584]

@@sasskvetch8617 You did the work to keep estrangement from happening,but far too many parents refuse to apologize and make the changes needed to keep their families together.❤️

[@kelleyturner6584]

My husband, 67, finally went no contact with his toxic family. After we tried to set boundaries, I was physically assaulted by his older brother and mother. His parents manipulated him and tried to control him with holding inheritance over his head. When we will always be our children's mother and father,we are no longer their parents when they become adults.

[@theconversationllc]

@@kelleyturner6584 I get it. When family members are harmful, it is best to go no contact.

[@Rikkilover17]

I didn’t ask to be here. I was born out of some fantasy two adults had then was forced into a relationship with them. Most parents especially wanted a kid simply because they wanted “unconditional love” then forgot their kids aren’t some puppy and that they are a whole human being. People who go no contact have some of the worst parents I’ve seen.. I wish people (especially parents) would see just how HARD it is to tell a parent your going no contact. This isn’t some silent treatment because they didn’t let you get a pony for your birthday. The MAJORITY of no contact children are for a very very good reason. And no amount of “well family is family” or “but they’re your mom/dad” is enough to undo behavior that will still continue if contact continues. The worst part is many of these no contact parents would rather whine about how “ungrateful” their child is than to start a conversation with “I’m sorry”

[@theconversationllc]

I really appreciate you joining the conversation. As a SA survivor due to my mother’s youth and negligent behavior, I understand. However, there are also amazing parents in the world whose adult children are manipulating and abusing them, and they don’t deserve it.

[@casperthenotsofriendlyghos8968]

It depends on what happened to cause the child to go no contact. If the parent really didn’t do any wrong then contact shouldn’t be forceful.

[@kycheleboone3606]

I find it interesting that the parents can be better grandparents then parents. It sounds like parents trying to create a do-over through the spawn of their children instead of taking accountability for being horrible parents and trying to do better while they were still raising their children. I would be offended if a parent was a better grandparent than parent. That's crazy work.

[@theconversationllc]

Thank you for joining the conversation. I can see your point. However, in many cases parents are building when they are raising children. Meaning, they are working more, going to university, etc. When they are grandparents, they no longer have the same stressors, which allow them to perform differently. I wouldn’t call it a do-over, instead a new experience all together.

[@katiehollmer5756]

Great video… I really appreciate your ability to discuss this from both viewpoints. Typically these videos are very “the other person is hateful & abusive & terrible” with no room for compassion, forgiveness & growth. In truth, we are all flawed people & most of us are just doing our best. As a parent of 3 (22, 18, 14) I would be completely devastated if my children went “no contact”. My own mother (80) and I have a challenging relationship, but I would never discard her.

[@theconversationllc]

@@katiehollmer5756 Thank you for your support. In my mother’s living, her choices caused us harm. I never went no contact, but other siblings did. I also know situations where the adult child is manipulating their parents. Relationships are complex. The solution rarely has one path.

[@oihcam22]

You categorizing going “no contact” as “discarding” says enough about what you think of it.

[@katiehollmer5756]

@@oihcam22 can you elaborate? What do you mean? I’m personally baffled by the “no contact” movement and I’m interested in understanding more…

[@angela4000]

My 60 year old sister is a narcissist who has said that my 81 year old mother owes her because she did not ask to be born. It hurts me to see the manipulation. My mom has worked hard all her life and she deserves peace and quiet, not a cling-on child that will not leave her alone.

[@theconversationllc]

I’m so sorry your mother has gone through this. The desire to care for and love your child when they are being manipulative and hurtful is hard.

[@nojikomarienygus8367]

In my opinion if the parents want the contact they need to be the ones doing the work not the adult children. In the first place parents are the only people who want a child not the other way around

[@theconversationllc]

@@nojikomarienygus8367 Can you imagine a scenario when the adult child created a toxic environment and should reach out to their parents to apologize and heal?

[@nojikomarienygus8367]

I personally think sleeping dogs should lie but if the adult child wants to repair the relationship yes they need to take accountability

[@theconversationllc]

@@nojikomarienygus8367 Yeah, I understand. Relationships are difficult

[@Blessedlibra]

This is a very tough decision

[@theconversationllc]

@@Blessedlibra It really is. I hope having the conversation helps either way.

[@puffchickpam1]

How bout when the kid goes no contact, all while everyone sees said kid with the same behaviors they accuse their parents of 🤷🏻?

[@theconversationllc]

@@puffchickpam1 I understand. That’s why the psychologist said, sometimes the adult child is the problem, not the parent. And they are using “no contact to manipulate their parents.

[@CashTalkForImmigrants]

At times, the child might not see it, or they might, and going no contact is how they try to cope. But sadly, one may not like the behaviors of one's parents, though it is one's default setting because of being raised that way. No contact might be a way of lashing out or leaving the toxicity, but without taking responsibility, it isn't easy to get rid of these behaviors. It takes intentionality to get rid of it.

[@YourGuiltyConscience]

The probably need time to unlearn that and heal. There are phases to breaking generational curses and unlearning behavior that was instilled. And it still doesn't exonerate the parent for harming their child.

[@anyagee9467]

You are giving too much benefit of the doubt to the parent. One of the hardest things to do in life is go no contact with your parent. It literally takes decades for most people. The "manipulative" children are a very rare exception. Maybe you're trying to give equal attention to both sides of the story, but in this case it's unwarranted.