“Women keep meeting the same 5%” - Matthew Hussey on What Men Get Wrong In Dating

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Dropping In Podcast

Dropping In Podcast

Күн бұрын

Matthew Hussey ‪@thematthewhussey‬ is a relationship and confidence coach. Today we chat about what a decade of coaching almost exclusively women has taught him about modern dating, the key components of attraction and his upcoming book Love Life.
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⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
00:00 Intro
00:40 Universal Content
02:32 The Bliss Point
06:56 Unhappy and Hurt
11:13 Dating the Same 5%
15:04 Initiating Conversations
17:54 Expectation Pressures
21:26 Take Away the Hidden Agenda
26:04 Flirt with the World
28:18 Internal Workaround for Introverts
33:21 The Two-Hit Theory
37:45 Certainty is a Valuable Trait
43:43 Trust Issues and Setting Boundaries
50:55 Success Coming From Insecurities
54:48 Why Should You Love Yourself?
01:01:44 Parental Love and Responsibilities
01:06:16 Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards
01:12:22 What is Hurting You?
01:16:47 The Greatest Life Lesson
01:18:13 Why We Choose Pain
Watch the last episode here:
• "Humanity is in the da...
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Пікірлер: 152
@leofinny9204
@leofinny9204 2 ай бұрын
Huh, the 5% wasn't about hypergamy. It's just about 5% of guys that initiate interactions. That was good surprise today. It's an encouragement to initiate more :)
@rjflores438
@rjflores438 2 ай бұрын
Most men will still get rejected 95% of the time but most of us men have no option other than to risk constant rejection until one woman in 30 or 40 actually likes us.
@romnesia7729
@romnesia7729 2 ай бұрын
​@@rjflores438 Most useless talentless men with no self esteem and nothing to offer, who spend the majority of their lives online, in KZbin comments, reddit, 4chan, like us, will be rejected 95% of the time. But if you have charisma and something more than a paycheck to offer, rejections go down considerably. And when you are rejected, you end up feeling bad for her instead of you.
@soydansogukcesme470
@soydansogukcesme470 2 ай бұрын
yes and no.. on a day to day basis.. yes 5% hase nothing to do with hypergamy.. online it is hypergamy. and even if you talk to her on the bus or so.. she will ask you for your IG and then her hypergamy is on spot.
@richardsmith2825
@richardsmith2825 2 ай бұрын
It’s exactly that. I work in business development. I have to work the room at conferences. To not do so means no job! I can’t emphasise enough the power of “seeding” and “flirting with the world.” It’s great for BD. However, it also works in general. It takes you and the girl away from the nightmare of dating apps. Don’t forget these algorithms make them just as miserable!
@lokidarkbeard2647
@lokidarkbeard2647 2 ай бұрын
That 5% are Chad's and tyrones.
@MajorCockbern
@MajorCockbern 2 ай бұрын
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
@peterwilliams6361
@peterwilliams6361 2 ай бұрын
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
@MajorCockbern
@MajorCockbern 2 ай бұрын
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
@peterwilliams6361
@peterwilliams6361 2 ай бұрын
this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.
@katiez688
@katiez688 2 ай бұрын
You can’t focus on being that guy who goes up to approach a woman. You need to work on being that person who casually strikes up conversations with strangers, whether the same gender as you, an older person, a younger person, women you arenMt romantically interested in, etc. When you become comfortable having casual conversations and talk to lots of people it will become easy to also strike up a conversation with someone you are interested in.
@actuaryguy5174
@actuaryguy5174 2 ай бұрын
What if you don't want to be that guy who talks with everyone? I don't want to invest the time and energy "practicing" on all of the people around me that I don't care about.
@radfoo72
@radfoo72 2 ай бұрын
​​lol. I think his point is that it can make it easier to try this method if you struggle with initiating or cold approaches.
@larsf.4756
@larsf.4756 2 ай бұрын
Yes, and no. There are surely basic social and conversational skills that factor in. But if you are talking to a woman with the intent of asking her out, you will need to eventually transition the conversation from friendly small talk to something else, and while it sounds trivial, it is not. You will also have to learn how to handle rejection, or look for other opportunities in the conversation. (For example, I'm with somebody who was introduced to me by her friend, who I had initially chatted up.) Given that most people are basically not compatible, it takes quite a bit of perseverance to keep up the effort. On the plus side, there are fringe benefits, such as invitations to parties, friendships beyond the "friend zone", or a possible expansion of your social circle. But I don't think the transition from a good conversationalist to being able to ask women out is automatic unless you have a certain risk tolerance and persistence.
@radfoo72
@radfoo72 2 ай бұрын
@@larsf.4756 Risk tolerance and persistence. I like that. I need to work on those.
@soydansogukcesme470
@soydansogukcesme470 2 ай бұрын
most men dont care about stangers .. for family and relatives they would die.. but they dont care talking to strangers.. some woman just like you want a hollywood movie men. every aspect hase to be perfect. he needs to be at lvl 100 .. how about growing togheter ?
@tyosh8635
@tyosh8635 2 ай бұрын
This was a great podcast. Everything felt very relatable. The best things in life come from taking a risk "Fortune favors the bold." I think overcoming fear and embarrasment not only helps you in your love life, but in general with your goals.
@DrMariKovanen
@DrMariKovanen 2 ай бұрын
Yes this applies to all aspect of your life. With overcoming fears one can achieve great things both in love, business and life in general. But without trial and error, there is nothing to go by.
@Kaztoozs
@Kaztoozs 2 ай бұрын
Been waiting for this one for a while, love both you guys!
@flowmovementtherapy2096
@flowmovementtherapy2096 2 ай бұрын
I pay more attention to my body after dating someone who gave me physical symptoms I'd never had before. Lingering rashes, back pain, eye infections and a leg went almost totally limp after each date. Every one of them went away when I broke it off. Unbelievable how the body can warn you.
@dahliaherrod4301
@dahliaherrod4301 2 ай бұрын
Sounds like you were experiencing psychosomatic symptoms related to stress from that relationship. I get the same things when I'm really stressed out
@arias2026
@arias2026 Ай бұрын
Me too, I used to get anxiety attacks and goosebumps quickly transforming into fear and chronicle stomachache. He gave me a rush of adrenaline each time we encountered, but then trashed me every time and he could give me a big hole in my stomach litterally from one second to another. I was so dependent. I've completely overcome this, by the way. I now remember it almost with gratitude to remember what relationship not to choose ever again.
@stephenhussey
@stephenhussey 2 ай бұрын
Great conversation chaps! :)
@sara_sofia_1984
@sara_sofia_1984 2 ай бұрын
In most of my past relationships I was the initiator because I don't suffer from this fear of rejection, but then I realized that it doesn't really work for me as a woman to do this, because men will date me even if they are not interested enough in having a committed relationship with me, which is what I am looking for. Men usually won't reject a woman they find physically attractive, but that doesn't mean they would consider marrying me and then I end up wasting years of my life in these confusing situations where I am trying to move the relationship forward and they are not invested enough in it. So I had to learn the hard way that the way to differentiate between men who are interested enough to potentially commit and those who are not is to let the man take most of the initiative, once I have made it clear that I find him attractive and I'm open to it. I wish men would understand this and not get upset because women are not taking enough initiative.
@showcase0525
@showcase0525 2 ай бұрын
This is really tough because there is no difference in a man not taking initiative and those who do from deciphering if they want marriage or just a current stable relationship. All of the intervening steps and actions are the same. The excitment and joy for the near term future is the same. Current projection of commitment is the same. I'm not sure how well it's working out, but I hope it is.
@sara_sofia_1984
@sara_sofia_1984 2 ай бұрын
@@showcase0525 I think I understand what you are saying, but there are more layers to it that I didn't mention. Making a relationship work for the long-term requires work and consistent effort, it requires the willingness to face challenges and withstand discomfort to resolve conflicts. If I make it easy for the man by doing all the work I can keep the relationship going, but he might not have enough interest or emotional capacity to put in the effort required to make the relationship actually work long-term. If a man is going to be able to make a relationship last, the first step is to face the discomfort of the initial stages. If he is not even willing to do that, it's highly unlikely he will have the courage to face the challenges of the later stages and I am just going to be wasting my time in a relationship that isn't going to last. After I wrote my previous comment I was reflecting about this idea that men should just go and approach women they find attractive in random places: of course this is very unlikely to work and it would give rise to a high number of rejections!!! This is not a good strategy. A man being physically attractive to me doesn't tell me anything about whether he would be a good potential long-term partner, I would be unlikely to be willing to invest my time getting to know someone based on this criteria alone, and I think most women would feel the same. I don't want to be approached by a man at a random place just because he thinks I am hot, that's not what I value about myself and it's not what I want men to value. The way I would like to be approached is if we are attending an event together, a class or something like that that brings people together who share similar interests. Something where we get to interact in a group and I get to see a bit of his personality and get to know him enough to know he might be compatible with me on a deeper level than just physically. In that kind of situation I have no problem just talking to a man directly and tell him I find him attractive and would like to know him better. But what are the odds that a random man on the street that I find attractive would be compatible with me as a partner??? Very low. I don't want to waste my time with that. Same reason I never used dating apps based mostly on pictures, with little space to write something about yourself. As a woman, my fertility window is limited. I need to find a partner before it runs out, I can't be spending my time getting to know men who are unlikely to be compatible with me just because they are hot. It's just a stupid criteria to use to find a long-term partner.
@dera2910
@dera2910 2 ай бұрын
That's just an excuse you made up to blame men for your relationships not working. In reality there are a lot of players who have no problem initiating a relationship and have no interest in a long term relationship. There is no data to support your idea that guys who initiate or more likely to commit. I wish women would understand that your personal anecdotes are not facts they are just excuses you come up with to justify your relationship failures.
@sara_sofia_1984
@sara_sofia_1984 2 ай бұрын
@@dera2910 I was never with a player, Dera. I was with good men who unfortunately lacked the relationship skills to make things work or who were too afraid of emotional intimacy to move things forward. I loved them and I gave it my all to improve the relationship, but it takes two. One person alone can't make the relationship work all by themselves. If you want to think that I'm blaming men for my relationships not working, it's your choice. That was not the message I was trying to convey at all.
@npkrn6764
@npkrn6764 2 ай бұрын
I think you're talking about biological traditional male traits. In the last 50 or so years, we women have had the femininity beat out of us. Recognizing and returning to a more traditional way of courting is not bad or wrong. A masculine, confidant man is attracted to a feminine lady. Unfortunately, many will have you believe masculine equates to abusive behavior and femininity equates to being abused. These are extremes which are the exception rather than the rule...so don't buy into it. Masculinity can also be kind, respectful and loving. And femininity can also be respectful to oneself and others, and establishing boundaries. But there is a Yin-Yang to everything, a balance. If we women want to attract and have success with a strong and confidant and kind man, we have to have the complimentary qualities to that - also being kind, but also strong and confident in a less obvious way. For example: Let's ask men - would they prefer a woman who behaves in an overly sexual way who twerks drunk at bars and is a loudmouth professing her financial independence with terms like "girlboss"? Yeah...maybe for a night! 🤣 That behavior we see so much of is so played out and just screams insecurity. I don't drink so I've seen with sober eyes how men look at women like that 😮 and it's not with the idea that they want you to meet their Mother! We could go on about this endlessly but I've always seen the women who get the best men to initiate and show genuine interest for a genuine relationship are more feminine in every way.
@Lokipower
@Lokipower 2 ай бұрын
The wisdom here is truly great. Thanks Charlie for sharing your life's journey, with us and these guests.
@DrMariKovanen
@DrMariKovanen 2 ай бұрын
What stops most great guys from approaching women and talking to them is that one time in their life (or maybe many times even) they had a painful and embarrassing experience that gets activated in those social interactions. Perhaps it was a teen crush who did not reciprocate and this old experience gets activated. Dating is a social skill that unfortunately does not get taught in schools. These days many young men and women don't hang out with each other anymore to learn about how to naturally talk to each other. It is a learning process and one can start by starting conversations with anyone including the shop assistant. And also doing some work around understanding what is actually being activated when one thinks about approaching women. Emdr can be a helpful tool to get rid of the hold block and be able to approach more women with confidence.
@croissants1280
@croissants1280 2 ай бұрын
If a man is not in the 10% and cold approaches a woman, he is a creep; if he is in the 10% he's charming. Don't approach women unless you are in the top 10%.
@JohnTCampbell1986
@JohnTCampbell1986 2 ай бұрын
You couldn't be further from the truth. As an aspie with "no rizz" I've been rejected, in person (not counting dating apps), at least 300 times from when I hit puberty and started being interested in girls until ~2018. I've been friendzoned. I've been mocked. I've been laughed at. I've had drinks thrown over me. I've even been spat at on one occasion. You name it, it's happened to me (mostly friendzones tbf but a definitely non-insignificant number of the others listed) After 50-100 rejections you start getting desensitized to all that shit. I'm late 20's. House paid off. Work in engineering. Go to the gym to take care of myself. Long history of seeking comitted, monogamous relationships, of never cheating in said relationships and never even being promiscuous outside of relationships. The reason guys like me don't approach isn't to do with rejection, because as I mentioned, guys get rejected so much it literally loses all power. What then? Well the clue is in my second sentence. ~2018. MeToo and feminism. MeToo showed men the world we truly live in. Where women claim to be opressed but can just say a single sentence and with no evidence provided and fucking RUIN a man, even when he is proven innocent in a court of law by a jury of his peers (Johnny Depp anybody). As an aspie my approaches have never been and will never be "smooth", I'll make eye contact too close or from too far away, I'll hold it too long or not long enough, I'll say something a bit out of place or my intonation will be off. Any manner of differant "icks". I've been lucky enough in my life, up until MeToo happened, and there's a small subset of women who find these idiosyncracies "cute", "charming" or "endearing". But they're such a vanishingly small percentage of women (By my experience roughly 1 in 70) that the risk is too high now. Back when I was a teenager "the worst that could happen" was getting rejected and clowned on. Now, the worst that can happen, is she takes a photo of me, posts it to her 10,000 simps on insta/tiktok alleging some kind of impropriety and I lose everything. As much as I want a wife and mother to my future children, the juice just sadly isn't worth the squeeze anymore.
@DrMariKovanen
@DrMariKovanen 2 ай бұрын
@@JohnTCampbell1986 I´m sorry to hear you have had such difficult experiences. It sounds like trauma therapy with an ASD specialist emdr therapist/psychologist could be helpful to address those really painful life experiences and start creating the life you wish to lead.
@gregvanpaassen
@gregvanpaassen Ай бұрын
​@@DrMariKovanen What would help is prosecuting and convicting women for the behaviour that Johannes describes- throwing drinks and spitting is assault; defaming people on social media should be a crime too; and another helpful thing would be putting the burden of proof in harassment claims on the claimant. Like it used to be: innocent until proven guilty. Also no-fault divorce means that there is no meaningful commitment in marriage: it is now a costly low-likelihood gamble for men with a moderate payoff and huge risks. That's reflected in ever-declining marriage rates and needs to be fixed. I believe that's what Johannes is referring to with "the juice isn't worth the squeeze".
@bluebutterfly5062
@bluebutterfly5062 Ай бұрын
​​@@JohnTCampbell1986 I empathize with your situation, but I have to point out that you, just like many men, completely missed the point of MeToo. Women in the artistic industry were being coerced into performing sexual acts by men who are narcissistic and power hungry. Their dreams and jobs were dangled in front of them at the end of sexual exploitation. There is much evidence that this behavior is rampant in the artistic industry, MeToo sinply gave it permissionto come to light. This sprinkled over to the reality outside of that industry, where many women have been taken advantage of sexually by narcissistic, power hungry men. Your conclusion of women continuing to reject you is a similar conclusion women have reached due to MeToo, being "if I'm just gonna keep getting hurt, what's the point of trying?" When you describe "the worst thing that can happen" and how these results can literally ruin your life, it makes sense you feel that way. But you're forgetting that women also feel the same way. This is what actually produces the stalemate the dating world is currently in.
@tedtalksrock
@tedtalksrock 2 ай бұрын
33:00 So insightful…I wish more shy people realized this.
@adikrashnik
@adikrashnik 2 ай бұрын
Didn’t even watch the video yet but this is the collab I couldn’t even imagine I needed 😂
@Cee_Eff
@Cee_Eff 2 ай бұрын
I used to initiate a lot more. After untold, "Eeeeeewwwwwwwws", "f@#k#@f" "the nerve of that guy" shaming and Being treated like a ghost, I put it aside. A politie "no thank you " is fine and acceptable. The current state of shaming and berating is unacceptable.
@brianmeen2158
@brianmeen2158 2 ай бұрын
You mean to tell me Most of the girls you approached shamed you? That’s hard to believe as girls usually don’t want conflict
@SpaceMod2
@SpaceMod2 2 ай бұрын
If you're genuinely getting those reactions you are doing something majorly wrong. I've done over 300 cold approaches and the worst I've had is a slightly awkward weird look
@radfoo72
@radfoo72 2 ай бұрын
​​@@brianmeen2158 Casting shame on someone for taking interest in you is not "conflict" because they just ghost you after that. lol I was shamed for asking a neighbor if she was single. Why? 1) She said it was a inappropriate for me to ask that because 2) It's none of my business. 3)She was 21, I was 35 and 4) Because we're neighbors😆 (context: we're both renting and not living w/ family) Was I out of line? I didn't flirt, I didn't make any advances, I only respectfully inquired yet I was made out to be an a-hole for taking interest in a beautiful woman and expressing curiosity. Some women take interest in dating men older than themselves so how was I to know how she felt on the topic without asking? A simple "I'm single but not interested" or "The age gap is too great for my personal preferences" would have sufficed but she felt the need to make me feel bad about it😑 I'm young, fit, active, agile and verile so it's not like I was just being some creepy, crusty geezer.
@showcase0525
@showcase0525 2 ай бұрын
​@@brianmeen2158 girls are now holding more belief that a polite rebuff won't end the advancement, which it honestly may not (based on unsurities from being "hard to get" exisiting) and now they must reject forcefully and publicly.
@richerDiLefto
@richerDiLefto 2 ай бұрын
You either know some pretty horrible women or it’s a you thing. Have you considered approaching ones in your league?
@dylanrodrigues9267
@dylanrodrigues9267 2 ай бұрын
15:04 - Initiating conversations That's the issue I'm currently having.... I'm confident holding a conversation and talking to women... What I get stuck on is the initating; it's not necessarily a fear of rejection; but rather a fear of coming across a creep or a weirdo.... Most of the intimate interactions I have with women is when they initiate the conversation and I just go with the flow
@JohnTCampbell1986
@JohnTCampbell1986 2 ай бұрын
welcome to post metoo life mate.
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
I learned years ago to only pursue women whose body language indicated she was interested. No point chasing a woman who isn’t interested.
@dylanrodrigues9267
@dylanrodrigues9267 Ай бұрын
@@stevec3526 Wonderful, thank you for your advice; have taken that on-board
@bumblebee_mrs
@bumblebee_mrs 2 ай бұрын
As a single gen-Xer, I totally refuse to use any dating app. Can't think of anything worse.
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
Dating apparently a horrible waste of time for 90% of the men out there.
@sherriflemming3218
@sherriflemming3218 Ай бұрын
Online is The Paradox Of Choice Ted Talk
@arias2026
@arias2026 Ай бұрын
What does genXer mean?
@benvel3392
@benvel3392 6 күн бұрын
​@arias2026 It's like the X-Men you know?
@confetticow
@confetticow 2 ай бұрын
Iron John spotting!
@aslsahin6063
@aslsahin6063 Ай бұрын
Oh tinnitus. I have it too and it can be such a difficult thing to deal with 😢
@AR-vf7vg
@AR-vf7vg Ай бұрын
What if it where dignity. Proudness, for shure is collapsable. Although dignity (love) helps, I'd speculate that he means the (sole) value on wich confidence should be placed (eventually in life), is, what C.G.Jung calls "the process of individuation" ; incorporating dedication of/to becoming 'our true". Thus persuing not ego, not status, not feeling not intellect, not image, jet fullfilling evolving unique united being. I'm only 3/4 through, but I'm hit by admiration to how nicly he puts across, indeed, 'the' right coaching foundation.
@radfoo72
@radfoo72 2 ай бұрын
Salty & Sweet refers to balance. Guys who are too sweet or only sweet are considered simps. Some women enjoy orbiters if they can keep them at bay for eternity while others notice and get "the ick". It's the same feeling you get when you feel like someone is only being nice and kissing your a$s because they want something from you. Even if it's never spoken, it's implied. Also reminds me of how hoe_math points out that women are biologically predisposed to feeling attracted to men who demonstrate a bad boy potentiality. The logic being that if ever there were a chance that sh💩t could hit the fan- He wouldn't cower in fear, back down or go soft as women prefer dominant men who aren't afraid to get their hands dirty to protect and preserve. Similar to the comfort and confidence established when you're made to feel that you're a prize worth fighting for💁🏻‍♂️ Flashback to that Louie C.K. episode where he allowed high school kids to bully him in public while he was on a date and as a result his date was turned off by his passivity and lack of assertive dominance🙃
@bluebutterfly5062
@bluebutterfly5062 Ай бұрын
Accurate
@poshdelux
@poshdelux Ай бұрын
I have never dated a man that approached me, not one. my last relationship of seven years I saw him on the train, I walked up to him and said if I give you my number, would you call me? He smiled and said absolutely. If you would’ve said no, I would’ve been OK with that. I don’t mind taking the risks
@arthurmorgan8966
@arthurmorgan8966 28 күн бұрын
You didn't like the men or you don't like to be approached? (I respect the personal choices, just curious, if you don't mind.)
@Someone-jy7ch
@Someone-jy7ch Ай бұрын
great pod
@Silencerof
@Silencerof Ай бұрын
Inner game. Old but good. You have to work on your inner game and the game will change. Once you reached that its like god mode.
@GJones247
@GJones247 2 ай бұрын
What would be interesting is to know what happens if you are the person that initiates like the 5% but gets treated like they are the 5% in a wrong way. The are guarded but are interested.
@chaseschallen1508
@chaseschallen1508 2 ай бұрын
curious, could you say more?
@helloiamthechosenone
@helloiamthechosenone Ай бұрын
Matt is ignoring the human nature element. People wen't built to approach people in public in general, and that is only worse in the modern age. For tens of thousands of years we were in pre-arranged partnerships at a young age, or something of that nature. We have too many emotional barriers.
@bluebutterfly5062
@bluebutterfly5062 Ай бұрын
Well said
@MSordernature
@MSordernature Ай бұрын
Expected more. Instead of concrete expertise-related stuff the talk reverted to commonplace spiritual/abstract self-help mumbo-jumbo.
@arias2026
@arias2026 Ай бұрын
I found the title to be misleading in fact. You're right, one would have expected something different. It's the creator's fault, though. He should have chosen another title. Although, I found the chat to be insteresting anyway. Particularly, I found interesting the part about self love independently from the talents or flaws one has, but just because you live with yourself and you are in your body, and you were asked, by being born in this world, to live your life at its fullest with the body and the mind you got, period. Unconditionally love ourselves is an interesting topic, and it was not treated in a shallow way. Not a native English speaker, so forget my possible mistakes.
@manwiththeredface7821
@manwiththeredface7821 2 ай бұрын
Oh, another "relationship coach". Just what the world needs... /sarcasm
@shootatsquare
@shootatsquare 2 ай бұрын
When you were young, did a relationship coach bone your mum or something? 😂
@dxfifa
@dxfifa 2 ай бұрын
A male relationship coach for women is exactly what this world needs more of to be honest. Genuinely women learning how to be better and choose better will help everyone except the charlatans
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
Matthew often gives out bad advice that women love.
@feelsrestricted8322
@feelsrestricted8322 Ай бұрын
Of all the dating coaches I think he’s of the best.
@arias2026
@arias2026 Ай бұрын
You're right, the title leads us to think that is the subject of the conversation. But it is, in fact, misleading. The guy was really insightful. Try and listen to him.
@typicalmegaman
@typicalmegaman Ай бұрын
19:10
@sara_sofia_1984
@sara_sofia_1984 2 ай бұрын
I would like to talk about something that I think most men are not aware of: physically attraction for women works differently than for men. Men in general are atracted to a wide range of women, while for women the range is much smaller. The reason for this is because women's physical attraction is much more dependent on pheromones than on visual cues. And pheromones indicate to our body a good genetic match, which is hard to find in the general population. So the odds that a woman you find attractive will also find you attractive is low, while the chances that a man a woman finds attractive will also feel the same are high because they are both feeling the effect of the pheromones. So men should focus on trying to initiate something with women who have already shown signs of being physically atracted to them, which you can learn to read if you learn about the body language of attraction. I can find a man visually pleasing but have no desire to have sex with him if he doesn't have the right pheromones for me. It doesn't matter if he looks like a model, he's just not my type. On the other hand, I could feel insane attraction to a man who is not that good looking because he is a good genetic match. I wish men would understand this about women and focus on finding that good genetic match, instead of complaining that they are not good-looking enough for women to give them a chance.
@dera2910
@dera2910 2 ай бұрын
I wish women would understand that many men have never experienced a women being physically attracted to them. The reality is that most women find taller more genetically fit men attractive and if you do not hit the genetic lottery then you are never going to have a chance to ever be with someone as long as women are using there base animal instincts to pick relationship partners.
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
Good luck on that one.
@arias2026
@arias2026 Ай бұрын
Sooo true
@sara_sofia_1984
@sara_sofia_1984 Ай бұрын
​@@stevec3526 What do you mean?
@arias2026
@arias2026 Ай бұрын
The content of this video is wider than what the title leads to believe. The title diminishes it. Please, change it...
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
No, Matthew has this backwards. Women are only attracted to, and interested in the top 5% of men. Since women find these 5% men attractive it is VERY EASY for these men to approach women. The key is to MAKE yourself into a 5% man. Work out in the gym, lose weight, be on your purpose in life, have a good income, get your head on straight, have boundaries for women. Get a passport and travel the world. Talk with all kinds of people. Do things where you meet people. I also suggest reading Dr Robert Glover’s books.
@sherriflemming3218
@sherriflemming3218 Ай бұрын
Women swipe on 4 - 5 %. due to being more discerning. Higher standards. Men swipe 60-80% to create more options. It's healthy to meet in real life.
@Silencerof
@Silencerof Ай бұрын
@@sherriflemming3218 Naaah the same 5% is in real life. Its the same, you will got a lot of flakes, ghosting etc. and why should someone date you when they just can swipe their way out?
@willbephore3086
@willbephore3086 21 күн бұрын
@Silencerof no way man, on an app women would not choose me, but irl I have had a nice dating life. Women respond differently irl because it's not the supposed 5% that they actually respond to. That's just a conceptual ideal. Irl the bar is so low for what women actually deal with from guys - mostly not being treated like a whole ass real person - that being decent, decent in bed, decently funny, and decently respectful, makes you into the actual irl 5%. Women will literally tell their friends about you and send them your way. Online I fail but irl I have done pretty damn well for myself. I'm happily settled down now but I can't pass the opportunity to tell other guys that women don't work that way irl.
@yanwain9454
@yanwain9454 15 күн бұрын
what if i told you that RACISTS are also meeting the same 5% of the race they don't like?
@Jaa_morant
@Jaa_morant Ай бұрын
Tired of this guy honestly
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
He often gives bad advice that women love to hear.
@soydansogukcesme470
@soydansogukcesme470 2 ай бұрын
he talks and talks and talks.. and hase no point.. -.-' working with that much woman made him talk like a woman. all he says is "find your inner self" i dont see advice in that.. is that not normal or basic ? and people pay for that advice ?
@docKAM
@docKAM 2 ай бұрын
I wouldn't say he doesn't give good advice, but he definitely rambles a bit too much. I start tuning people out when they treat conversations like a run on sentence.
@tedtalksrock
@tedtalksrock 2 ай бұрын
Dude… it’s a podcast. There wouldn’t be much to it if the guest didn’t talk. It’s a feature, not a bug. 🐞 (Think about these things before you say them.)
@stevec3526
@stevec3526 Ай бұрын
Very true. Women are his customers.
@soydansogukcesme470
@soydansogukcesme470 Ай бұрын
@@tedtalksrock they dont adress the titel i was reading. Now its changed. Plus he asks him questions and matthew does not answer him. He talks and talks and hase no point and makes nothing clear. Exactly like a woman he became. Talking wishi washi
@bluebutterfly5062
@bluebutterfly5062 Ай бұрын
It is "normal" and "basic" but it is still good advice. It is very foundational, and takes a long time to actualize, thats why most don't get it
@xMckingwill
@xMckingwill 2 ай бұрын
Bruh that thumbnail its like those guys compltely forgot basic math. Its logistically and mathmatically IMPOSSIBLE.
@TheDezmona
@TheDezmona 2 ай бұрын
Found a 95%'er
@xMckingwill
@xMckingwill 2 ай бұрын
@@TheDezmona How so? 🤣🤣 you havent explained how im wrong? Im saying 5 percent of guys dont get with all the women, not because they dont want to but because they physically cant. How would they have the time?
@xMckingwill
@xMckingwill 2 ай бұрын
@@TheDezmona explain your birth?? Fellow 95%er? I love how over the last few years yall went from 20%, 10%, to 5%, next your are going to say it was always 1%. With a straight face
@minabotieso6944
@minabotieso6944 2 ай бұрын
This is such a big issue because the numbers are crazy but totally true. We have to learn to have some empathy for men and not blow it off every time men’s issues are discussed. This Matthew Husey is mostly for women and men who can actually get relationships. He is not remotely pushing pill ideology. Yes 5% is not a real stat that he just made up he through out but it’s still true that women are only exposed to a small amount of men. 20% is super realistic. Only 30ish% of American men in their 20s are dating so it’s max barely more than 30%. Explain your birth. These unequal dating dynamics didn’t exist 20+ years ago. The are we dating the same guy communities is an internet example of why this is really happening.
@minabotieso6944
@minabotieso6944 2 ай бұрын
It is so silly every time someone says “go outside and see all the couples, that dating stat can’t possibly be true” The couples stand out more because they are couples. There are much more single people in public. Also stuff out in public is going to be overrepresented by couples because of course couples are going to go out and do something together. There are even more single people at home not going out
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